.::that is my life::.

~*everyday just come and go*~
~*maybe i am not that sad afterall*~
~*i think i am just not busy enough*~

if only i am more busy, i would not have all those free time to think about things...and i would not be so sad... if i am more busy...i would not have more time to visit places that will bring sad things into my mind... if i am more busy things will just be alot better...

all the ifs... all the maybes... all the i wishs... all the i hopes... all the crap...

nothing is real... or at least... nothing is real or true for me...

down is the direction that everything is going towards... a direction that no one hopes to see... but still who can put everything to a stop?

hope that he really can help... all his plans... i never know... i only have fear... fear that i will stand in the way.. maybe i should really have move on...

maybe i should just leave when i am having only happy memories... dont want anything sad to come with me...

maybe... maybe... so many maybe... maybe i should just shut up...

life is like that... i felt as though i am slapping myself all the times... contradiction after contradictions... maybe one day they will just cancel each other out... and i will be true to myself one day...

the decision may seem easy...but it is not that easy afterall...

when will i learn to be truthful? i dont know... god knows... ya right...

i told myself... i made the decision...move on... but what did i do in the end? i am still stuck here... how sad or how much worse can things get... failure...

i am still here... struggling... ya... that is me...

i am still the strong me... i still have to smile... cause i know i cant cry... nothing comes out... and it dont really help...

blue is for sad... what other colours are present here?

~*smiles*~
~*maybe things are not that bad afterall*~
~*i am trying to change*~
~*did you notice?*~
`decided`iz oli whether i can do wad i decides on`i will try

.::talk more about me and what i really think::.

~*thats me*~
~*a leo*~
~*a cancer*~
~*a cusp*~

ya...thats me.. even i am confused with my personality...dont laugh at me for stuffing so much information up my brain...but they are just true...

but something i dont understand... seems to me i have only the negative personality of these signs...

a cusp is someone born in the period when the old sign is slowly being relaced by the new sign... so...since i am born between the changing of leo and cancer, i am a cusp... you will get characteristics of both... so i will be reading 2 horoscope each time when i try to look at horoscopes...

it i s not really nice... cause it makes me all confused... i just dont seem to have any positive signs with regards to the 2 signs...

and worse still...those 2 signs are just so different... maybe there are similarities somewhere...

leo is a fire sign, cancer is water.
leo is ruled by the sun, cancer is ruled by the moon.

ok i think those 2 are obvious differences le...

i went to read through all the characterisitics... and i realise that i am just a cancer who choose not to control my emotions...

When Cancer does not attempt to control the personality then everyone around is in trouble as the negative Cancer is not a pleasant person to know. Negative Cancer becomes sulky when the desires are not met; the tendency is that the world owes them something and they will collect from everyone around, if this Cancer is denied, then that person will be dropped from his or her life, even if it is close family members.
you must learn to forgive and forget in order to ward off the dark depressions you find yourself falling into. In any case, you are the most emotional of all the signs and must learn to deal with them
Holds fast then lets go without a reason?

yea...that is so me... so what else can i say?thats what is about cancer... lets move on to leo...

they also have a great fear of being ridiculed and made to feel disgraced.
The lions love and adore children as they bring out the inner child. Leos are surprisingly sensitive and easily hurt, but they do have a tendency to dominate and this should never be underestimated.
They can be too status conscious, causing themselves much anguish when, or if, they cannot keep up with others in their immediate circle.

that is what is about leo... so lets move on to cancer and leo

Cancer/Leos are the first to express emotion in any given situation -- the first to laugh and the first to tears
your thinking is based more on feelings, intuition, personal experiences, and prejudices rather than reason or logic.

ya...that is all about me... i seem to only have the bad traits.. but i am still trying to learn...

maybe it is time for leo the leader to learn how to control the emotions of the cancer... someone who uses senses more than she uses her mind...

no logic and no reason... just feelings...that is just so me...

if you all are reading this... i just hope that you know the real me...

if you are reading this... here is something that no longer knows how to say... i am feeling so guilty... i am like a burden to you...maybe i should be the one getting out of your life... late night online conversations and all those talking... it just let me feel like i am disturbing you... dont ask me why i have that feeling...i just sense so... hmmm... maybe i am thinking too much?

~*ya... that is me*~
~*the evil me*~
~*the irritating me*~
~*the bad me*~
~*the silly me*~
~*and i know...*~
~*one day...*~
~*the happy me!*~
~* C= *~
`sori is e oli ting tt i try2say`sori4being a burden

.::do you wish that i will be happier?::.

~*i wish i wish i wish*~
~*things on the wish list are useless*~
~*cause they never come true*~

mood swing or whatever that you call it... i dont know... i only know that i am gettting to be a better girl recently...stuning my friends with all the completed tutorials... all the point form for all he essay... all homework on time... but what i get in return?

i am alone... in school...nothing to do... maybe i should be back to the old me... copy homework in school... at least i would not have time to think...

i will have more time to rest and slack at home... i will be able to feel better...

i will not have time to sleep in school... and i will not get this bloated feeling from the short naps...

the bloatyness is killing me... how i wish i can take a pin and poke my stomach...let out all the wind stuck in my digestive system... argh...

i wish i wish i wish again... if i can do it, i will not be wishing away...

life is just like that... sometimes it is just better to not wish so much...

how i wish that things can change now.. how i wish i can go back to the past.. maybe i should not have really cared so much... i think i will be happier that way...

what a life..

what a wish i am having now...i want to shock the world with improvement in results... maybe not 3 As but at least one... in A level... thats is the shock that i want to give everyone...that is the miracle that i wish to create...

see...i wish i wish i wish again... as if it will happen that easily...

why do people get over sensitive at times?or rather... why do i get over sensitive at times...? maybe we should all just be trained to think logically and not let our heart guide the way...

confirmation...thats what everyone needs... thats what everyone wish to get...

it is just not good to be oversensitive or to think too much about what will be happening in the future... cause when things dont happen, you get sad... maybe it is time to not consider so much... i wish that things will be better in the near future.. but things are just not within my control...what can i do? i can only pray that they leave sooon... maybe things will be better in control then...

i think it will be... or rather i wish it will be...

life is just like that... always wishing for something to happen... i wish...

maybe it is time to disappear and only then will people realise how much they treasure you... but what will i gain and what will i lose? is it worth the risk? i dont know... i dont dare to try.. i know i dont dare... cause i am always there... i am still there...

~*i wish to be happier one day*~
~*i wish i wish i wish*~
`y r tings still lidat?

.::if only i can predict the future::.

~*if only i can predict the future*~
~*maybe i would not have raise my hand*~
~*dont raise my hand on that faithful day*~

maybe if i didnt raise my hand on that faithful day, life now will be more happy... or rather, not that much high and low... maybe i will be happier...

happier as in not that much things to consider... i am starting to doubt my ability... no longer sure what i can do and what i cant... no longer sure what is real and what is not... and no longer sure who is the real ones and who are just plain fakers...

i am al confused...not even sure whether i amconfused or not...or am i just plain avoiding? i dont know... maybe i will be much much more happier if i never belong to that family.. if i never raise my hand... or maybe i lie low all those days... maybe i would not even be here...

but i cant deny... my memories...all thanks to them.. how will my days be like without them...

i am starting to not know what is true and what is not.. i think the worst thing of all is that i cant cry... not as in i cannot cry... but i just have not reach the point... maybe crying will help..

i am also not sure what is happening..why i am like that.. what exactly i am thinking about... ok... or maybe i choose not to think... i dont want the definite answer to my troubles... cause i think i know i will be more sad after that...

maybe sometimes it is easier to just laugh... but please.. i hate the world for leaving me alone... or rather i hate myself for having to be alone at times... i dont like being hyper then alone.. cause you know that you will try to find another happy thing to make yourself happy when you cant find any... or rather...things will just come in and occupy my tiny brain...

ya...tiny brain... then you cant handle them and you will be sad again...

i think i will be ok tomorrow.. i hope i will...

i have to be... i have to be ok...

~*there are just somethings that you never know*~
~*somethings that if you know will happen...*~
~*you will never go and try*~
~*i want to predict the future*~
~*i know there will be a smile on my face tomorrow*~
`i haf2smile`ttz e oli ting i can do`mayb u dunno`bt i m nt ok

.::the wait the dance::.

~*the wait*~
~*we are all born to wait*~
~*end of the year*~
~*that is one end*~

my left eye twitches like everyday?! erh... i am quite tired of it lah...how to make them stop twitching? hmmm...maybe i am just too tired...haha... but it is still quite heartening to know that your left eye twitched...

ok...when will end of the year come? hmmm... dance dance and dance...

we are all born to wait... wait for death to come the moment we are born... god knows when we will leave the world?

maybe it is time to put only happy things in your mind... and for some of your out there to go and have an aim or something... maybe something like world peace or something...

hmm...lost track of what i am trying to say... and please others out there, please update your blogs!!! especially the guys!!! haha... example... that dont know what hann and dont know what bin... and that so called god almighty... maybe he is too afraid to see his computer... oh...i forgot... his computer gave up on him... maybe one day his new handphone will also do that... because there is just too much of HIM in them that makes them feel like spoiling... hmmm...anyway... not really funny here...

argh... cannot stay till that late at night anymore... there goes... hmm... or maybe... it is just the time that is not right?haha...

he didnt shout at me...or rather i think he dont even care anymore...

ok...that was too random...

anyway... i forgot what i want to type...

oh...my son birthday coming!!! good friday got buffet!!!

hmmm...what else? quite sianx lah... i know...haha...

ok...message of the day... the jelly is almond flavour!!! random...

how to really dance on and move on when you dont know what will things be like in the end? will things still be the same? the same like before? the same feeling? you never know... i am not sad... i am just worry...

~*stay happy*~
~*dance on*~
~*happy smile dance*~
`thank u`wad a part in my life

.::i feel like i am losing it AGAIN::.

~*what is the good thing?*~
~*what are the bad things?*~

confused la... recently...hmmm... not really alot of things...but stupid koonhui... really idiot... why bring up that topic... the impact was not that great anymore...but the impact is still there...

ok...fine...something sad coming in again... i planned to write a happy entry today morning one k... oh my...

it is Ester week...and how much sadder can i get? ok la... not really sad...

why must you remind me that things are changing? PA no longer have that many people... the Nan Hua feeling... no longer anymore regular visit back to nanhua... i have trouble handling those friendships...they are still on the rock... what a failure huh...

i was shocked when he said that he would not be going back to PA... i used to think about how will things be like if he go... come to think of it... maybe they go, things will be better... aiyo... contradiction... i still dont know...

but i still dont understand what makes him hold on to things so tightly this time round... it is so not like him...anyway...hope he will be happy...

maybe completing A level is not really the aim... the aim is to get studies over and done with and i can go back to NHDS...

no more regular visits... thats quite saddening....

anyway... the happy things... thanks to those who roared to welcome me when i go back huh... very happy...hmmm... maybe some disappearing tricks will help at times?...oopx... haha...

laugh and laugh... thats the only things now bah...not considering the fact that i still have to handle those problems at the end of the year...

maybe i should not have stepped into their life at all also... maybe i should not have allow them to step into mine... how many times have i cried? countless.. i lost count le...

tired...dont know what to write le lah...

anyway...why must there be conflict between countries huh? so many homework because of that!!!

random...

announcement... my friend is ok le... i think she is... going to work as usual...so should be ok le la...

hmm...actually quite alot of things to talk about..just that i am too tired... argh... my whole mind is still filled with insulin and glucose... all from the biology essay that i did just now...still got a dozen not done...

what is the thing that is suppose to come but not here?hmmm...next week... parent meet teacher...god knows what he will tell my mama this time round...

bad news of the day... jeremy had a twisted ankle... oh my...

this year really not that smooth sailing after all... it is not smooth sailing at all~~~!!!

first time in my life...bird shit drop on me... or should i be happy that it i didnt fall into my food?

first time in my life... i slipped in my house toilet... a place that i go in more than once a day...for all my 17 years... argh... or should i be happy that i didnt injure badly at all?

first time in my life... i fail everything... or should i be happy that the school is not kicking me out?

aiyo... dunno happy or sad la... so many things...

jelly day tomorrow... make jellies~!!

oh before your click on the [X] on the top right hand corner, please click on that google ad at the top right hand corner of the page... let me earn some money... and i dont mindhaving more [hugz] at the bottom left hand corner...

~*smile*~
~*time pass faster*~
~*day pass faster*~
~*with that smile on your face*~
~* C= *~

.::i am happy::.

~*feel happier recently*~
~*it is another time to add some happy things to my blog*~
~*whee~~*~
~* C= *~

ok...so many talking...not really happy about it...but still... hmmm...let nature take its course...

i am like waiting for somethings to come like that... i also dont have idea what it is...

i think that something is there but i am not sure whether there is...

mass hinting time... whao~~ ...hmmm... quite sian though... i nothing to say...

haha... things will get better soon...

hmm...left eye keep twitching recently... haha... aiyo... good things are going to happen...haha... i know...

sometimes one will be happier when you dont think too much and dont sense too much...

ya... you better dont activate your senses... but i think you did... but... haix... dont deny... dont avoid... cause denying cant avoid... avoiding cant deny...

hmmm...i am talking some crap here...

message of the day... i am happy recently la... i hope your are happy too...

since when has night time becomes the happier time of the day?

oh...the whole day is happy day...~!

haha...

jiayou~!

~*stay happy*~
~*smile*~
`u chose nt to activate ur senses bt u cant deny`u did`when will u b realli hapi?`i m waitin4msges!`C=

.::maybe it is time to run away::.

~*what is going on?*~
~*why let me see that look?*~
~*why let me feel something?*~

this is one big wrong move... i didnt expect it... ya...maybe it is not me...it is the other way round... why am i so certain that things are the way they are now when i know that somehow things are just not possible...

why must it be me first? can i still afford to wait? can i do what she tell me to? what will happen in the end?

who is the one?

如果你已经不能控制　每天想我一次
如果你因为我而诚实
如果你看我的电影　　听我爱的CD
如果你能带我一起旅行
如果你决定跟随感觉　为爱勇敢一次
如果你说我们有彼此
如果你会开始相信　这段恋爱心情
如果你能给我如果的事

the above is a small part of a nice song...

maybe i will be happier soon...

~*smiles*~
~*it is easier to smile*~
~*than to frown*~
`so was it obvious?izit enuff?y let mi see tt look on ur face?in ur eyes?

.::lots of things::.

~*someone i know*~
~*she lose something*~
~*something that will never come back to her*~

she stays in her room... lies on her bad...wide awake...talking to no one about what had happened these few days...

the joy came and went off in just less than 2 weeks... how worse can things get?

the hope... the waiting all these months... finally something arrives... the gift of god... but she lose it... in less than a month time... she didnt even get to see how he or she looks like...

ya...one of my family friend just lost a child... a feotus...that is already considered alive, considered to have its own human rights...

she is someone who i have never see her sad before... i oli see smile on her face...maybe sometimes frowning when she is scolding her son... she is hardly sad...

a child made her turn out like that... i dont know how to help her...in fact no one does... her mother in law...sad... her son... sad... her husband... sad...

but of all people...only she is allow to cry... the others have to console her and bring her back to shore... yes...she will get into depression if things dont get better...

although i still disagree to what have happened, there is nothing that i can do...

no heartbeat of baby...that was the deduction made by two doctors... still i think that doctors should not suggest that she remove the baby... maybe a few more days will do the trick? but still doctors have their reason to why they hope that she will do that...

ever watched the Silent Scream? that is the worst video ever...maybe after watching that your will understand how bad my friend felt when she lose her child...

~*smile...*~
~*it makes your life different*~
~*it makes other life different too*~
`how to tell u iz actualli u?

.::i sensed::.

~*i sensed it*~
~*i really did*~
~*so?*~
~*why are you sad?*~
~*again*~
life is like that... i had a shocking news this morning... i failed my chemistry...but i am
not the last in class... i should be happy about that? i dont know... what if i am
expelled? i dont know... so many dont know in my life...

i dont know why i a doing certain things now... i dont even know what i am thinking and
what i am feeling now...

so what if i caught all those things that i am suppose to catch? how i hope that i didnt
catch them... or was i really thinking too much?

ARGH~~~! stop it...!

it is never my fault... it is yours... if you know who you are... how to tell you straight
in the face to shut up and settle your own problems first? i know i cant do that... i
wouldnt do that... will there be any chocolate milo marshmallow this sunday? see my mood...

i am always not asking the important questions... i keep forgetting to ask those important
questions... those that may just lead me somewhere... but it is all over...

come to think of it... it is not because of that thing that why i am not eating... maybe a
nap now will help...

why do guys flirt? why cant they settle things one by one?

ever tried losing a friend? i think so... ever tried losing a whole lot of friends? because
of someone... or rather... because of your stupid mouth...

this is the start... i am just trying to find out why i am sad... i need an answer... before
more comes along.. i dont want to go into depression... i think i wouldnt...

i thought i was ok... so... i am actually not...

why are there people who just dont give blogs any attention?

~*dont say love*~
~*you cant handle the responsiblity*~
`so r u glad tt i m fallin 4 u?bt y izit u?y is ur status lidat?

.::what time is it?::.

~*is this going to be another sad entry?*~
~*after so long?*~
~*am i really sad?*~

the time to write this entry is not right...it is not the time when i am usually the saddest... i should be the saddest around midnight... not now... or am i happy?

ok fine... i feel stupid... there are just so many things going on... things that i think i know...but i didnt choose to say... i mean... haix...

there are things that i am still trying to run away from... the more i try to say it out to prove that i felt the right thing, the more hope, the more the disappointment... and this should not be the emphasis now...

sometimes... maybe being blur and not knowing anything is a good thing... but i should be happy that i jumped out of one black, dark, deep and dirty hole... it didnt stay there for as long as i expected it to... maybe it is because of the fact that i am just so used to lossing...

who is the idiot who started that comparism?... fine...it is me... i didnt really planned it anyway... i mean it was not me right from the start...

maybe i am not that stupid after all... i didnt make any mistake even now...

i didnt say things that i should not say... i am safeguarding my own rights... that is what humans are like... selfish... i thought of myself first..

but why is it me? i dont know... i want the answer... can i accept what that is going to come?

blame it on my stupid sense... ya... the sense is stupid... that makes me stupid too...

if only i didnt sense, i didnt feel, nothing will have happen...

if only the one leading is not the heart but the brain...

it is so sad... i am just like that... how to sleep at night?

am i suppose to be happy or sad... i dont even know that now...

please laugh at me... or was i really really thinking too much and being a over sensitive freak...

do i deserve this?or was it really just a joke by heaven?

i felt different...

~*smile*~
~*cause you know you cant cry it out*~
~*nothing comes out from your eyes*~
~*anyway*~
~*who cares?*~
~*no one*~
i noe hu is she.i juz din say.is dis still a joke?can u tell mi wad is gng on?can dese end soon?

.::the love theory II::.

~*heres another part that i thought of*~
~*make sure you praise me after reading*~

life exist only because of love...

thats kind of lame...

how to differentiate between love and crush...hmmm...

i think ... when love comes, you cannot really tell the reason why you are falling for that person... but as for crush...there will be plenty of reasons why you like that person...

the reasons are there to convince you to make sure you fall for that person...

hmmm... dont really make much sense...

also, dont give the opposite gender any hope... that means... if you are not nterested in that person,dont treat that person too nicely...

life will be happy...when love find its way to you...

~*stay happy*~
`but guys never learn

.::secrets lies beneathe those words::.

~*why cant everyone be happy?*~
~*if everyone is happy*~
~*no one will be sad*~

come to think of it...maybe it is good to put on an act when you are not happy... act that you are happy... only then, will you not bring unhappiness to the world...

if you are sad and you show it out... your closed friends will be sad... then their friends will also be sad... this continues on... haix... haha...

i mean, it is really true... so believe it or not.. a small tiny smile makes a big difference...

ok... there are just so many more things to add on to the love theory that i wrote in the previous entry... so i should write another one after this...

thats about it.. nothing much to write... those that i feel like writing down dont really belong here... hmmm... haha

~*thats all*~
~*just remember to smile*~

`why is the world turning?

.::heres the love theory::.

~*haha*~
~*someone praised me for this*~

haha... the theory to love and to stay happy... is...

If you have the choice, be with someone who love you and not someone who you love...

Let love find you, and try not to find love...

Learn to not hope, but just predict... without hope, there would not be disappointment...

i think i am so clever...haha...

that will make u stay happy... haha... although not for long...

cause there will be someone who will come along... and you will start falling for that person... and you will realise that it is no longer that easy to...

be with someone who love you and not someone who you love...

no longer that easy to...
let love find you, and not find love...

no longer that easy to...
Not to hope and just to predict...

expect disappointment...
haha

i should remove tat haha...

hmmm... love is like that i suppose...

~*stay happy*~
i oli need replies C=

.::nothing to do!::.

~*haix...*~
~*sian...*~

nothing to do now...so decide to blog... maybe i will continue with my general paper compo later? hmm... still not sure whether need to go school on monday or not...haha...

anyway... sians... lin jun jie rocks...

~*thats the end to ths stupid and meanless entry*~

`thanks for the up and downs...
`i dont need them!!!

.::i am here again::.

~*stupid me*~
~*clever you*~

anyway... got so bored... thats why i am here again... feeling something that is not right that is going to happen soon... haix...

why... why am i hoping for something again...when i know that they can never do it? i also dont know... thats why i am the stupid one...

but i know i am waiting again... stupid...

oh... what was i talking about huh? i dont remember.. haha.. .random... hee...

~*do you know what i want?*~

`i only need a reply

.::i am alive::.

~*will i survive block test?*~
~*i dont know*~
~*i only know i tride my bestest*~

school system abit funny huh... expect someone who failed promotional exams to do super well in block test one when the others around her who did pass promotional exams are doing just as bad as she is...

anyway... i am just so not happy that she manage to move on... i mean i think i put in more effort than her... i think i can do better than her... i think she dont deserve what she is getting for her test...

she manage to get a whole lot of help and that let her move on... she managed to scrape pass the marks... i cant... just by one mark... which i cant find anywhere...

lets wait for the result... i know i am so not going to do well...there will be another struggle again... to stay or not to stay... but i know i die die want to move on... so jiayou~!!! i got a good civic tutor... he will help!!!

ok... today... last paper for block test... i decide to give myself a break and visit some people that i hardly find time to meet up... i met up with yong kee... the cute little boy that i had been spending time with ever since he is in his mam tummy... cute little fellow... he will be a clever or rather cheeky guy one day when he grow up... and he will sure attract a whole lot of girls...

haha... another baby is coming into the family... i mean my auntie's family... she is a family friend... she was our nanny when we were young... and now we are still close friends... i mean our family lah... haha... a nice woman... always knows what a child wants... she will let us arrange all our dolls along the corridor when we were young... we played with doughs... and she made a whole lot of new clothes... not for us... but our dolls... she let us bring dolls out for dinner... she let us buy a lot of sweets... she spend a lot of money on us... next time it will be my turn to dote on her grandchildren...

and she is also the one paying for my facial treatment... i mean that mask thing... she rocks...

anyway... met up with auntie and went to yongkee house... this little fellow having fever because growing teeth... played and after facing the computer for a long time and help his mother print 2331 pieces of envelope cover, i decide to take a nap... yongkee and his mama keep trying to wake me up... trying to find someone to entertain his son bah?

haha... there is this stupid wolf who said i sound like his mother!!! sobs...

heres a nice song:

Down

Lin Jun Jie
I can't believe it

Tell me i'm dreaming

That we are still 'we'

It was amazing

Said you were lucky

That you found me

It was on a rainy day that we met

You didn't have a place to go

I said we just met so lets go slow but no

You just told me to keep you from the cold

Sorry i can't take it

Why did you fake it

Why did we kiss

And i'm just down

You left me with a note without a sound

I figured i must have been such a child

You'll never know how much i've been around

How my heart just frowns

If you're down

I'll be your teddy bear, i'll be your clown

I'll take you round and round and

If you don't mind i could be your standing ground

Even if that means i'd drown

And baby that'll be my one last vow

what a nice sound

haas

`will you be my teddy bear?

`will you be my clown?

`will you be there?

i typed them word for word from the lyrics that came with the album...

hees...

~*did i say that tarot cards rocks?*~

~*i think it is obvious*~

~*did i say lin jun jie rocks too?*~

am i suppose to hope? i dont know...

am i suppose to be very happy about what is happening so far? i dont know...

am i suppose to catch anything? i dont know...

am i suppose to know or am i just ov sensitive? i dont know...

am i suppose to be delighted for whatever that i got from you? i dont know...

.::i hope things are ending real soon::.

~*who started the comparism?*~
~*whos the bad guy?*~

i am starting to think or rather i seem to have come to a conclusion... someone will be very happy if things get to him or her...

i mean i think things should not be like the way they are now... not to say that i have a choice now... but looks like things will be better some other way round... i should put an end to things and not let that word appear here again...

i hope it is not some form of replacement or something... it is not something that i want...

but the comparism did show better things.. i mean they tell me what to do now... and also what i should not do...

the word is banned from here from now on... that very word...

~*i think i deserve more*~
~*if you have a choice*~
~*will you be with someone who loves you*~
~*or someone who you love?*~
~*random question here*~
`things will be ok in the end`
`if things are not ok`
`then it is not the end`

things will be ok real soon...as youu disappear... youu is the banned word

.::nice song::.

~*ok*~
~*i should not be here*~
~*but...*~

ok...my dad is going to china like tomorrow? no body going to send him off...but i think he dont mind as long as he still get to go china~!!

anyway... thank you for getting everything back... although i still feel abit out, things are still going on rather fine...we will be ok soon...

i suddenly realise that there are just some things that are just not worth it... there is no need to hold on to it... no need to be so persistent... no need to be so sad over it... no need to mind so much... no need to care so much... cause no one will be aware of what is just happening...

no one understand why things are just the way they are now... i also dont know... but one thing is for sure... i know how and why... i know and thats enough...

who will be a stupid and hold on to something that has thorns in your hand, grab it hard and make yourself bleed? i am still the stupid one currently... maybe it is time to stop and try to stop the bleed before i die from insufficient blood... or lack of oxygen or something...

here is a lyrics...

明天就像是盒子里的巧克力糖
什么滋味
充满想象
失望是偶尔拨不通的电话号码
多试几次总会回答
心里有好多的梦想
未来正要开始闪闪发亮
就算天再高那又怎样
踮起脚尖就更靠近阳光

许下我第一千零一个愿望(一个愿望)
有一天幸福总会听我的话(听我的话)
不怕要多少时间多少代价
青春是我的筹码
oh~~~
我只有这第一千零一个愿望(一个愿望)
有一天幸福总会在我手上(在我手上)
每一颗心都有一双翅膀
要勇往直前的飞翔

nice song here... or rather it is the only song that you can find in my handphone...

ok... fine... whatever... get what i am trying to say in the previous few paragraphs?

in smpler terms... i am learning to let go... let go something that most of your were never aware of... i mean... i should right? i think i deserve to get more?

haha... dont think too much... things will be ok when it should be...

i mean... things will be ok in the end... if it is not ok then it is not the end...

am i right?

haha

lame...

there are some lamers around me who will make me laugh... i know... haha..

~*i still hope for a chance*~
~*a chance for a change*~
~*an explanation*~
~*although i know...*~
~*they cant think well...*~
~*who will distort this message AGAIN?*~

it is hard to just say what is really happening when people cant think well... i mean... think... let someone who is capable of distorting message to tell you something...

i tried to explain... i know why things are the way they are now... i mean... someone is there... all i need now is a chance for me to explain... i am no longer sad... cause i know i can settle it... give me time... and chance... thats all i need...

.::i am back!!!::.

~*i am back from malaysia*~

haas...we didnt win anything...but i think the greatest reward was to see how political things really are outside...or maybe even in singapore...

ok...also get to see everyone... not everyone is perfect and not everyone is happy with whoever they are with all the time... and i know that that will never bother me for long anymore...cause i no longer belong there.. until after my A level...

anyway... i am still puzzled by a whole lot of things... feel honoured if i bought something for you... and the sad thing i bet is... i tried to wake up at 8 today to study but i woke up at 1... see the great difference?

i will study tomorrow... i mean i have to ah...

hows life for youu? i dont know... but i sense a whole lot of things... i think she felt the same too...just that we didnt choose to say anything... we no longer see te need to bring things out... cause talking about them do not help...

maybe it is time to change?

who is that idiot? get out ofmy life... now...

the one i hoped will reply is not doing what i hope he will... while the other who dont mean anything is doing what i hoped... what a big idiot...

the pants that i bought in malacca... i think it rocks... haha... sunday...

i swear i am on a diet... i have to be on one... i am too fat!!!

A & W rocks... we had 2 meals in malacca... finally had waffle for the first time in my life... i mean A&W waffle la... i have the urge to have one for breakfast tomorrow... that is just what i shall do...

here is something for you all to read... very true for my case ah... i am blood group A... haha...

BLOOD GROUP O
Cannot stand people who hide the truth
Make objectives clear
Possess great deal of confidence
Honest, optimistic and energetic
Strength and endurance depend on their aim
Give up easily if they find the job meaningless
Positive about the past, thus do not regret about the past
Seek financial stability for the future
Usually stable and calm
Sensitive towards sincerity
Give frank, direct opinions
Ability to concentrate vary from time to time, depending on aim
Mostly prefer to lead
Can overlook details

BLOOD GROUP A
Pessimistic and too sensitive
Careful about decision-making
Make things clear in black and white
Care too much about social rules and standards
High tolerance for physical or repetitive work
Cannot take changes easily
Lose interest in a hobby easily
Try hard to forget the past
Pessimistic about the future
Able to display cool outlook even though angry
Short-tempered
Take longer to heal a broken heart
Sensitive to others' opinions
Perfectionist
Handle one thing at a time
Work a line between work and personal affairs
Highly responsible
Tend to choose hobbies which help them release stress

BLOOD GROUP B
Cannot take orders easily
Make decisions fast
Can be flexible
Do not care about rules
Respect scientific and practical findings
Maintain the longest interest in what they do
Seem impatient
Dislike repetitious work
Hard to forget recent affairs, but able to forget past and memories
Expressive
Cool and objective
Although joke a lot, could actually be very shy
Change moods like the weather
Cannot stop complaining when they are upset
Creative and possess new ideas
Cannot differentiate between work and hobby
Cannot take orders
Do not hesitate to introduce innovative changes and are not worried about theirs criticisms

BLOOD GROUP AB
Romantic and sentimental
Extremely practical
Excellent in analyses
Give fair criticisms
Cannot decide when it comes to important issues
Try to be hard-working
Tend to be impatient
Sentimental about the past
More concern about the immediate problems than anything else
Sentimental
Usually cool and steady, but can get upset with an immediate, unsolved problem
Can get moody easily
Able to handle a wide scope of jobs
Value hard work
Quick in understanding
Not highly responsible and unable to follow-up on a project until its completion
Tend to be artistic in approach

cass and christ...take care of your legs huh... dont want can give me... i dont mind having more... take care of them when they are on you... haas...

~*youu still matters*~
~*the idiot leh*~