.::Haiz::.

~*i am not sad*~
~*thanks to the chocolates*~

i finished the whole packet of chocolate that i bought yesterday after dance from 7-eleven..oops...that sound so fattening...but anyway...i am not the only one who ate it la...

thanks to weihong...haha...took that packet of resin chocolate...haha... hmm...my friends simply loves it... haha... and i did not realise that resin rocks that much...

my right eye have been twitching since just now...so yah..that is the bad thing that it is refering to? hmmm...haha...nevermind... i am happy today...

haha... so yah... yesterday dance... nothing much...just that my poor tummy no longer feel so ke lian... i mean..no more yong wei class so not that tiring... people were so happy to hear that it is zi xiang giving the class...

when we about to go off for dinner with my only son there, keelui...lol..kidding... erm...alyssa smsed me...she announced about that dead cat...and yah...we went to see... and really have no idea how it die...so... haix... shall not continue with that...

then we walked to boonkeng for dinner...finally not prata and not mac...

we didnt wait for koonhui and no one really want to tell him the way...erm...sorry...

i dont feel like talking after dance on sunday...cause i suddenly will have that rarr rarr element in my brain body and soul... ya...and you know... somehow get super quiet...but i think yesterday was alot better than usual la...

then got some clever people...because laoshi say he thinner le he jiu eat alot...he did manage to hide his 2 bowl or rice and the fatty meat but we are not going to let him off that easily... so before we went off, we went to gao mi... we told laoshi that he had 2 bowls of rice...

stop saying that i am the one who told laoshi about what happened last week...always wrong me... and ya..although i know who did it...but i cant say... SECOND TIME IN MY LIFE THAT SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPEN LE LOR!!!

ok...got upset and walked off...then i saw this person...someone that looks like my relative...hmm...but it just so dont look like him... but anyway..i went to ask my mama just now...conclusion...should be him...

he looks like him...just that his dressing is different and he has this head of white hair...

he used to own dont know how many underground casino... now? got abit difficulty walking... i still cannot really believe the fact that the one i had seen is him... not convinced la...

got chocolate and went home... and the bus trip... hmm...dont know what to tell jeremy...last week can talk almost the whole journey...but this time round... aiya...i just dont feel like talking...

i talked to mavis today...i realised that both of us are just some different people infront of friends in jc...not that we dont like them...just that... maybe the 2 years is too short... too short and too busy to really know each other...but i am glad that i have this group of friends with me...if not i think i will have give u long ago...and i mean what i say here...

i always mean what i say in this blog...

erm...yah...so what will tomorrow be like?

i dont know...

~*haiz*~
~*i really dont know what to say*~

.::oh no::.

~*so many blog on hand*~
~*de..a.r.g.h....*~

okok...i am going bonkers... hmm...research and after research... talk to my hotline today...hmm...ok... ya...supposingly him and someone else is suppose to be my hotline...someone that i can call when i need help...

but yah...the other one so so busy...disappear le... so yah...understand...so ya...whatever lor...

hmm...not really talked alot...but he did help... i mean..yah...sound advice...so yah... C= thank you...!

someone is going crazy here...so... yah...going bonkers from all the thinking... i dont know... i mean... i really dont know...i know what i want... but i dont know what the world is thinking...

ya...so make it obvious? i know... then? i also dont know...i am trying to stop myself from doing stupid things... ya...so...whatever lor...

i mean... how i wish there are just somethings that can be said out and settled once and for all... even if it is not something that i want, it will still be me alone then...so ya... better than whatever that is happening now... so ya... whatever la...

i thought i have the courage to say everything out here tonight... but i realise i failed... see the above content? nothing much...so... whatever lor... rarr...

i have a conclusion...

if only my hotline can teach me how to be more optimistic.. hmm... aiya...he also zi sheng nan bao... haha...

saw this dead cat...which i am still feeling very puzzled over... how did it die? i mean.. ya... how? it dont look like being knocked down by car.. but whatever it is...i think it dont deserve to die this way...

~*is today a happy day?*~
~*maybe?*~
~*WHATEVER*~

.::恶作剧::.

恶作剧

我找不到很好的原因
屈足等着一切的亲密
这感觉太奇异
我抱歉不能说明

我相信这爱情的定义
奇迹会发生也不一定
风温柔的清晰
也许飘来好消息

一切新鲜有点冒险
请告诉我怎么走到终点
没有人了解
没有人像我和陌生人爱恋

我想我会开始想念你
可是我刚刚才遇见了你
我怀疑这奇遇只是个恶作剧

我想我已慢慢喜欢你
因为我拥有爱情的勇气
我任性投入你给的恶作剧
你给的恶作剧

我找不到很好的原因
屈足等着一切的亲密
这感觉太奇异
我抱歉不能说明

我相信这爱情的定义
奇迹会发生也不一定
风温柔的清晰
也许飘来好消息

我才发现
你很遥远 请让我再嘲笑你的想念
没有人了解
没有人像我和陌生人爱恋

我想我会开始想念你
可是我刚刚才遇见了你
我怀疑这奇遇只是个恶作剧

我想我已慢慢喜欢你
因为我拥有爱情的勇气
我任性投入你给的恶作剧
你给的恶作剧

i dont know why i like this song...maybe that is what i am thinking now? i dont know... mixed feeling...i mean... i know what i want...just whether i want to show it out or not...

confused? scared? yah... i think that is all that i feel now...so ya... that rarr element is coming back... haiz...

.::nothing..rarr::.

~*except the fact that i am frustrated*~

ok..dont know what happened when i woke up... rarr... got this rarr element in my mind, my heart, my body, and even my soul... rarr...

but i think i am ok now... coke and sweet talk drinks make a huge difference in my life!!! C=

thats all...

i hope i am not seeing the wrong things...

i hope... rarr

~*rarr*~
~*tomorrow will be a better day*~

.::i think i know::.

~*i realise*~
~*i think i know*~

maybe something should be done? i dont know..hmm...maybe...

i cant get myself to leave anything here...

maybe i am enjoying life in hell now... or rather i am used to it...maybe so be it...

when will the time come when i am the one saying nonsense?

soon i think... let things end the faster way...
`if only i hate u

but... rarr...i hate this complex thing in life...

~*i am ok*~
~*no matter what happen*~
~*i am ok*~

.::a test::.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion 50% Stability 23% Orderliness 40% Accommodation 70% Interdependence 70% Intellectual 36% Mystical 43% Artistic 56% Religious 16% Hedonism 36% Materialism 30% Narcissism 30% Adventurousness 50% Work ethic 76% Self absorbed 76% Conflict seeking 43% Need to dominate 70% Romantic 63% Avoidant 50% Anti-authority 76% Wealth 36% Dependency 83% Change averse 90% Cautiousness 90% Individuality 50% Sexuality 56% Peter pan complex 76% Physical security 36% Physical Fitness 64% Histrionic 70% Paranoia 90% Vanity 50% Hypersensitivity 76% Female cliche 43%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

ok...i check up on those high percentge ones...and...oops... haas..

Paranoia
suspicious of others until they have proven themselves trustworthy, more doubt than belief, preoccuppied with death and suffering, fears being harmed or controlled, bitter, looks for hidden meaning in things, personality is centered around low self esteem issues, feels misunderstood, thinks people would not like them if they really knew them, defensive, often experiences disgust, love-hate relationships with most things, likes to test people's loyalty, thinks life is overrated, focuses on suffering, feels like an outsider, existentially depressed, does not trust what people say, prone to shame, suffers from depression, knows the dark side of life very well, attracted to things associated with sadness, would rather remain alone than risk rejection, hard to get to know, makes enemies, loner

Cautiousness

proceeds with care in most endeavors, favors sameness and consistency to suprises, does things by the book, feels that something bad will happen if they let their guard down, not reckless, prefers structure, thinks the world is a dangerous place, prefers the familiar to the unfamiliar, wants everything to add up perfectly, protective of their feelings, prone to paranoia, fears being harmed or controlled, suspicious of others until they have proven themselves trustworthy, worries about making the wrong choices, thinks of things in terms of costs and benefits, prioritizes personal safety, more contemplation than action, perfectionist, refiner, goal oriented, trouble shooter, prefers to stick with what they know, worries about consequences

Change Averse
follows fairly predictable patterns in life, prefers to stick with things they know, routine and habit make them feel secure, prefers the familiar to the unfamiliar, the habits they have now they will have a year from now, does not like to be without guidance, prefers the proven to the experimental, gets very attached to things, wants everything to add up perfectly, desires security and support, more past than future oriented, frequently feels envious, predictable, can't adjust well to new situations, does things by the book, avoids being called on in group discussions, would not enjoy bein an entrepreneur

Dependency

not confident, prone to mistakes, indecisive, desires security and support, fears having no guidance or support, frequently feels envious, not productive without reassurance, gets very attached to people, feels guilty when they disagree with people, seeks acceptance and recognition from peers, dramatizes their suffering, impressionable, can be talked into doing things, fears being unwanted or unworthy of love, never knows what to do next, personality is centered around low self esteem issues, swayed by emotions, can't handle people being mad at me, freezes up in stressful situations, influenced more by others than self, avoids responsibilities, life lacks direction, prone to paranoia, prone to shame, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness

okok...not totally true..caus i think i like responsibilty... d= but it is true that i am hyper sensitive and paranoid and stuff la...i admit... but i am trying to change and control!!! haas...

d=

.::i hate this feeling::.

~*if only...*~

oh no... not really good and not really happy...cause i dont like whatever that is happening around me...

when will all the goody goody things happen?

haa...thank you weihong and jeremy... and please weihong...i didnt mean to INFRINGED your privacy... blame it on the good site meter...mauahhaa...

hmmm...i can still laugh... haas...

i think i am so dead... maybe ya.. i should just say it out? or should i just wait on?

nevermind... C= time will tell the answer..time will tell you whether the feelings are true...but... i am already certain of my feelings... so ya... not my problem now...

hold on...i really hope it is not my problem... haa...do you know that i am... erm... hmm...ya... you know...haa... oops...

anyway... such a long weekend, what should i do? study studay and study...

i will be going out tomorrow...i swear... ya...haa.. going to library...those books needs to go home... i want to find little prince...i want to read...maybe i should go and dig out the chinese one? hmm...ya... maybe i should...

maybe it is time to go out and take a stroll on my own? i scare i will feel worse... i like to walk alone to think...but i scare i will start to think too much... i think that is happening to me now... thinking too much...

i realise i have 2 chemistry reference book...so ya...who need chem...maybe can borrow from me? haas...oops...the thing is...both are quite similar...lol..

anyway...ya... hmm...i am feeling hungry again... oops...gastric soon... predicted...maybe i should go and eat up those hello panda biscuit..but i want to bring it to PA this sunday leh...promised to give to someone because that person found me a song...ya... but see whether got enough not...have to feed myself first...muahaha... selfish...

but come to think of it...i should not have offer him biscuit...i mean... someone deserve more than him...muahhaa...but anyway... ya... see got enough or not...with those monkeys around...

oops... i am not refering to dallan or keelui or PHAY...oops...kidding here.haha...

anyway...ya.. sunday should come faster...but i am scare of sunday nights... i hate it when i start feeling depress on sunday nights... hmm...maybe i should go to bed straight away on sunday night? ya.. i think that is just what i am going to do...

i hope i am being clear enough at times...

i hope

~*i love my TAROTS!!!*~
~*but i want a even cooler set...*~
~*if only...*~
~*hmm... ya...*~
~*smile...*~
~* C= *~

.::what is the truth?::.

~*i am confused*~
~*are you?*~

i think we are just looking for confirmations in our lives...

things seems to be turning into a joke...

but i think whatever that i had said so far are truth... though they sounded like jokes...

i am just not sure whether i am getting the right inferences... but i know i dont like this unsure feeling...

maybe i should just be truthful and stop thinking too much?

if i am thinking of the wrong thing this time round, please let me know...

fluctuations... i hope that i am not your source of trouble...

i dont want to dream...cause dreams are always opposite of reality... i rather have a dreamless night...

maybe those words dont mean anything... maybe...

~*hope that you are happy*~

`if dis is a dream`i wish i will nv wake up`ocnam il

.::between those lines::.

~*story*~
~*a SHE in our life*~

She wonders whether she will need someone to lead her there.

Heaven becomes her ultimate destination in her life. Her life on Earth still means
something to her. She should be someone who can decide for herself, some who can
lead the kind of life that she really wants, someone who can decide when to go to
the Heaven that she is longing for.

However, the World, the society and the place that she is living in, left her wth
no choice. Tired, sad, anger, confusion and contradiction is what she is going
through. She still have to live her life on Earth. The only thing that she believe
in, someone will bring her to Heaven.

Though she never knows who the person is, what will the person do, when will the
person come, where will the person be, how will the person come. Her life went on.
Only hope is for the right person to come.

One day, she felt that maybe the time for her to get to Heaven has come.

Someone, someone who never know of her existance came to realise her presence. No
one knows it is by chance or because of fate.

She placed half of her heart on that person, knowing that she cannot give in all
she have. Not that the person do not deserve it, just that she is trying to protect
herself. She know she will be hurt. There is just someone else next to that person.
That person gave her hope. He showed her the door to Heaven but he did not open the
door for her.

To prove that she is ok, she claimed that she dont need to get to Heaven. She lied.
The disappointment sent her to hell. With the person still in her life, she still
choose not tolet go of her belief. She need alot of reasons to convince herself to
let go, but she dont need one to hold on.

She is now in hell. The door way to Heaven seems to be opening up. But she no
longer dares to infer. Not that she choose to stay in hell. Just that she cannot
convince herself that this time round, things are for real. Though she longs to get
to Heaven.

She is confused by whatever that is happening around her. Not knowing whether they
are real, jokes or just a dream. She no longer dres to hope, as she is afraid of
disappointment.

If it is a dream, she will choose not to wake up.

End of story... i think that is the typical story that most girls go through?

anyway...back to my life... everything is still in a mess...

I didnt believe him... i dont know why he changed his nickname... until today... i
knew the truth... yes...i may not like his character, but i still hope that he find
back the real him. hope that what he said in his nickname is just what he is going
to do.

so many unbelieveable things happened recently... alot...and there are just so many
things that i can only think about them myself...

i realised something... time can no longer tell me the answer.. it is whatever that
i do. i no longer have the courage to pickup the tarots at this moment... i dont
dare to think, dont dare to know, dont dare to hope, dont dare to feel, dont dare
to say... lying maybe the only way out...

~*Fluctuations*~
~*MESSY!!!*~
~*will things be ok?*~
~*what will you put in an empty tin?*~
~*i will try to stuff all my memories and feelings in*~

.::hmmm...what happened...between the lines::.

~*i dunno*~

let this be the one with the not so formal writings...

i dunno wad happened yesterday night and today morning... i think i oli wake up from those silly ideas after having a drink of coke in the aftnn...

hmm...i still have many problems... but i really dunno... how to solve them...i know time will give mi the answer but i hate to wait...

rarr... i cant even make proper decision now...i nit to talk to someone...seriously...

but i know no matter wad happen, the only solution is still TIME...rarr...

ok..i rarr alot of times today le...

wad am i feeling now? happy? not exactly.. sad? not really..oh no... an idot here dont know wad she is feelin... die le la...

oh ya...talk abt dying... please...rarr... low readership...i think ppl are just tired of my rantings...but aniway... a sudden increase in blog entries means on the verge of depression...so beware... i think i am ok now... for now? i dont know..i tink i need more sleep...thats the most impt ting now...

rarr... but so sad i am still drinking coke...

today after the study programme... i suddenly feel someting real weird...oh no...my knee joint... i dont know whether iz becos the lect hall is too cold or wad... the knee joint on my left leg suddenly dun feel like mine...oh no... iz seems to be able to move on its own...

die... rarr...all the old injuries...

tml bio spa.. i tink i will make a new record.. oh no...

poor hand... if only i can write with 2 hands... muahaha...all my mama la... stop me when i am young...rarr...

d=

i am praying everyday... wichever way i can... wadever deity... i hope that she will be ok.. i think iz ok...

i really dont undstd how ppl move on so easily... just less dan 2 weeks and they got 2 new dogs...rarr... izit a substitute to them? i tout dey treasure her alot? aiyo...why are dey lidat?

haix... weird people...

things are getting worse...i keep getting that feeling...i hope i would not fall to the bottom of the valley at the end of the day...

heaven to hell...iz just so easy...but it is not my within my control already...rarr... hate this...if only...

will i cry?

hmmm... d= HELLO PANDA!!!

i feel like renaming...hmmm...nevermind...

~*smile*~
~* C= *~

.::Yes nothing goes right::.

~*maybe crying will help*~

my vision is blurred... why do i feel so tired all of the sudden? maybe this is just what you went through... dont make me think about you... please.. i am all confused and lost and dont know what to do now...

i am tired of whatever that is happening...although i know that nothing is going right.. but i still have to act as though nothing happen... i know how to fake a smile...

i need those tears now...rolling and they fell...ya...maybe i should cry myself to sleep tonight...when was the last time i do that?

when was the last time that i cried in public? crying seems to be the only way out now...

i need someone to listen.. but i dont know how to say everything out... there are just somethings that are better kept as secrets...

maybe i should live in my own world... nothing seems to make me happy now.. i get frustrated at the slightest thing...maybe except... but what do i get ultimately...

when everything is gone, i realise i am still standing there alone... all by myself...

maybe my life should all be about books...i hope it can be that way...then maybe i will be happier...

i read tracy's blog... reminded me about my secondary school life and whatever that i went through.. what is going on? i think my life is in a mess too...

and this time round it is a total mess... i think you are refering to me in your entry..i dont know why.. but i just feel that way...

everyone is seeking for it...but when will we get it?

everything is turning into a joke... a joke that i am so tired of.. maybe saying that it is no longer funny helps?

maybe it is time to live in my own shell again... i rather not feel anything then having the happiest moments and the saddest moments in 24 hours...

ya...everything is in a mess but i dont seem to find the right reason to cry...

cry because i am having bad results?

cry because i am not of much help all the time?

cry because i disappointed my mother?

cry because i lied to myself when i am actually standing there alone?

something is not right... this is bad...

i hate night time... after 12..when i am all alone.. i am tired of msn... tired of all the silly little things that i deduce and know when i am talking to people...

if only i can control.. if only i have a choice.. i will choose to not be senstitive... be like her... her life is going the way it should be... she always seems happy although i know that she is stressed sometimes...

so sad... i am just a super sensitive cancer here...plus the attention seeking leo...

ya..that is me...

fairy airy...that is what i am feeling now... i think i need a drink... maybe just the 2 of us? ya... you will be ok... i know... things will be ok... i will be praying in whatever ways i can for you...

i hate being alone now... i wet the keyboard... when was the last time that this happen?

what will happen if my mother open the door now? what will she say? i dont know... i know i cant let her see me cry...

yes... i am alone... everything in a mess... nothing is going the right way...

i hope they soon will go the right way... i know they will...

whatelse can i believe in other then this?

you will still see me smile and laugh like no one's business...

you will still see me scream and shout over that gross thing...

but when you see that i am all quiet and alone and staring into space, you will know that i am thinking again...

yes...happy and sad...i experienced all in a day...

yes... smiles and tears...i experienced all in a day...

ya...i am learning the right acting skills now...

~*so what if i cried?*~

~*nothing changed*~

~*i still have to smile*~

~*i am still alone in all the mess*~

.::oops::.

~*wrong time*~
~*i am suppose to be sleeping*~

okok... still got some silly people out there that i must must slap this sunday... ok....not slap la... he is so so mean... how practical... i bet he dont know... lol... but nevermind... he will know it this sunday...

argh...plan failed... haa.. sms going to exceed again.. but nevermind... iz very little le... that shall be the mother's day gift for my mama...a decrease in bill...haas...

ok... laughing away here...but having headache... i also dont know why i come and blog...

de.. argh...rarr... grr...

hate it... i am so so confused and i made a conclusion... i blush super easily... so... stop making fun of me... rarr rarr... turning into rarr rarr rat le.. d=

my brain is too saturated with things... oh no... confusion after confusion... i dont even know what i am thinking le lor... thanks alot huh... rarr rarr..

oh no...my msn just die on me like AGAIN? rarr rarr

nothing goes right today...nothing will...

hold on...today actually quite a good day...except for the headache and all the silly confusions...

i swear i will slap him this sunday!!! i think koonhui will want to join in too...muahahha...

is it just a fling? oh no... i asked so many times le and i still dont know the answer...rarr... stupid right?

to tracy: hope to see you this sunday... smilex C=

~*lame*~
~*going to uncle chew later!!*~
~*NEW SPECTS!!!*~
~* C= *~
`slap him`so so practical`so evil

.::oh no::.

~*oh no*~
~*double entry*~

what is wrong with me? i dont know...i suddenly have the urge to blog again...although i got nothing much to write...or maybe i got alot to write...just that i dont know how to write...

is it just another fling? i wish i know... i need helps... i need someone to think for me.. ya... maybe weihong? haas... someone who can think as good as i do...

erm... people...if your are free... go visit weihong's blog... but please shut up after reading it...dont mention a single word of the entry on the 8th May 2006 infront ofme...

if not i swear i will cry infront of you... i swear i will...or i will scream like some crazy person...

i dont know why my reaction so big...but it is really er xin...the thought of it makes all my hairs and furs stand on their ends... see...my hair style now.. can imagine? omg...i really dont understand how come got people can stand those...oh mine..

anyway...do pay his blog a visit... dont scream or cry...

it is really gross...

anyway.. is it just another fling? i hope i know the answer... C= i am sensitve to numbers... not now... everything is switched off...

which came first? the egg or the hen? yes...that is the thing now... which came first..?

sorry... i dont know...

hmmm...any kind soul want to pei me go bugis this week after dance? go buy bag and go walk walk... since it is a long weekend...although monday got school la... anyway... who shall be the kind soul??

or should i zi bi and be a introvert and go by myself? maybe it is time to shop alone? yea... hmmm... i want to find that zinc bag... find le then decide whether to buy or not..i dont want to regret...haas...

hold on...will i get the money for itin the first place? d=

will..cause i got 23.5 over 30 for my maths...my mother is super happy...but she somehow think that the thing is easy thats why i am getting good result... grrr.. i feel like biting her...but anyway.. yea...

i want a new bag...

who will be the kind soul?? d=

~*notice the difference?*~
~*before and after*~
~*the 2 entries*~
~*did something happen?*~
~*i dont know*~
~*smilez*~
`i stil dread nite time`i stil dread e unsure feelings`i stil dread dose unsure senses`haiz

.::i hope i am::.

~*i hope i am drunk last night*~
~*that was a bad mood swing*~
~*yes*~
~*today too*~

i went to school not wanting to talk... first time so quiet in the morning... nothing to talk... no mood to talk... frustrated is all i know...

then the day moved on... i know i did it... i hope it would not be the only once... i would not be the last..! i swear.. i know i can...

other than that...and the great achievement that i wrote that much during chemistry practical today in one hour, thereis nothing great to talk about...unless you include the fact that i brought my happy medicine... my coke!!! yes...i bought coke... and a tub of CHOCOLATE hello panda...not really a tub but a metal tin...

i think i maybe playing mapl later.. i hope... i dont know... headache... i cannot sit there and dont do anything.. my head will just start spinning... i need to think of somethings and have to think of the right things...

i dont know... i have a clever plan that i am going to put into place..i am clever... i hope i am clever enough...

so many cases recently... what a joke... 3 days and that is the end... he deserve a slap.. he will get it from me this sunday...unless he is not going to PA... how can he do things without thinking?

ok...i conclude that i hate night times.. ya.. even now... i hate it now... you dont know what you are doing at night..you will be doing alot of things and the next morning you wake up and you regret everything that you had done... hmm... ya... it is like that.. that is human...

at night you are alone... you forget about reality and only live in your own world.. i bet that can be the happiest time and can be the worst time of the day...

for me.. it is the worst...

ok..i really cannot smile... crack and bleeding lips... abit la... hmm... whats wrong??

~*i am not smiling inside*~
~*this is just another stupid mood swing*~
~*kill me*~
`sori`nuting makes ani sense nw`tel mi y

.::200th entry::.

~*delicated to who?*~
~*do i really have to say it out?*~
~*things are turning into a joke*~

things are turning into a joke without even me knowing how... there are just alot of things better left unsaid... left unknown to everyone out there...

the conclusion that i made...girls are just senstitive creature... only the clever ones will be able to see this entry...

people are all sensitive creature... like it or not... believe it or not... it is the same horoscope again... as the person... maybe i should just step back?

i mean...no one will know... no one will notice... no one will care... just step back and i will feel better...

was talking to jeremy...then i realise how difficult it is to manage and maintain a relationship... it is something so beyond imagination when you have to do it alone... i mean.. if the other party dont care... you will have to do it alone...

not that i am going through all those now...

anyway...back to what i am thinking... things are turning into a joke... sorry...dont blame me.. i know i played a part in making things the way they are now.. i mean.. a joke... cause i am a coward... that is a total of 8 times for all these while... i am sensitive to numbers also...

maybe there is a reason why you are doing what you are doing.. but i dont know what that reason is.. maybe to make my sunday a better one? i dont know...

i keep thinking that i am hearing the wrong things.. yes.. that is me... i never believe in myself.. that is why i think i am a coward...

i regretted things i do... maybe things should not be like the way they are now? i mean.. slowly... not at this pace... dont know... this seem to be too exothermic... if you know what i mean...

i think i know what i need... i think i can trust... i think maybe i should just trust my tarots this time round... but what can i say? the keys are no longer with me

`ni na me leng jing`hu yuan you hu jing

sorry...i failed to do that... but come to think of it..i did not promise myself anything...

i mean.. i choose not to control...

if you are clever you will be able to see this entry... if you are too clever you will be thinking that this entry is delicated to you...oh whatever

a coward typed this...remember??oh whatever...maybe i will regret that i typed in this entry after it is up... i am like that la... i think you know... i hope you know...

all the time..i want to tell you... 'i hope you know i did'... but... there is always a 'but'...

there are somethings better to be left unknown to everyone out there... C=

including what i am thinking now... dont assume you know what i am thinking now.. dont try to sense... dont expect me to sense... cause my senses are switched off since... hmm... nevermind...

~*i will smile*~
~*when you see me quiet*~
~*you should know what i am doing*~
~*yes*~

.::what a DAY::.

~*what am i doing now?*~
~*oops*~

i know i said i will try not to touch the computer today...but...oopx... so sad i did.. haas...

a quick one before my mama come screaming...or maybe before my sister come screaming..yes.. my younger sisters...

ok...something happened...which i think i should not mention about it here.. i mean... the more i type i think the more guilty i feel...

today at dance... got some stupid people keep telling me about the breast larva thing... oh my god..i think i going to cry if they desrcribe or mention more of that in front of me...seriously...it is super gross...

then dinner... yes... dinner... argh... shall not talk about that...

so basically nothing to talk about today...

i feel happy...cause i learnt somethings... somethings that as time pass...you have to learn and you will learn...it is better to learn...aiya...whatever..i predict depression to come later in the night?? cause it is a sunday night...

all sundays are depressing... by right la... will things happen by left today? i dont know...haas...

jumpy and screammy and noisy and crazy today...oops... all thanks to that er xin thing...

i think i got a whole ton of things to say...but i dont know how to pen them down on my blog...maybe it is time to take out my diary again?

or maybe a private blog?muahahaha... see how la...

congrats to jeremy...must praise me for being clever ok?

ok...he did..he say i become more clever le...

i learnt to sense things that are happening around me.. i think it is jeremy who taught me one lor.. but anyway... sensing too much is not a good thing la... erm... ya.. it is not a good thing...

i realise i am not brave.. i am a coward... oh no... thats bad... so sad... i am like that... rarr... maybe i should try to be more brave??

i am not being truthful to a hell lot of things... haix... d=

~*dance away*~
~* C= *~
`nuting2say`uleft mi speechless`bt`i noe i hold sumtings bk`sori

.::i am here!::.

~*i am here*~
~*i am emotionless now*~

how come huh? i also dont know... that is just life...

what i did today? ok... jelly...failure for once.. but i mean can eat...just that the process was quite a failure...

i think i boiled it for too long... and i think i should not have tried another way of cooking... in the end... got some powder did not dissolve... sad... anyway... CAN EAT!!!

the difference between jelly and agar agar... jelly is what i have always made.. agar agar is the grandpa of jelly... jelly is by REDMAN... agar agar is some dont know what brand... agar agar softer than jelly...

and i finally agree with my mama... jelly taste nicer... i was not convinced at first... now i know the difference le...

ok... elections result coming out.. anyway...

BYE BYE STEVE CHIA!!!

muahaha... he claimed that he will leave politics if he loses choa chu kang... lets see whether he will honour his words.. i bet he never dreamt that he will lose choa chu kang to GAN KIM YONG...

to be honest.. i thought gan kim yong will lose but it is a good thing that he still win... we aer a matured constituency...muahaha...

PAP did alot for us...upgrading of lift...hmm...

my family are all against PAP...for steve chia la...

haha..something funny here:

i suggested to them...when the new lift is done, your dont take the lift... cause it is by PAP...muahhahaaha...

erm...i know you are not laughing... please laugh... C=

anyway... how i wish there are somethings that you will be able to use to find out what others are thinking and what they are doing... besides asking... maybe i just happen to know too much thats why i am like that now... i mean.. if i did not know so much...maybe i will not be so..hmm...how to say? maybe there is still a reason behind everything..i hope so...

imagine a world without unknowns... you know what will happen the next minute.. you know what will be your future.. you know what others are thinking and why they are doing certain things.. you know what will be out for exam and you know what you will score.. i mean...that is just so much better... i think... but i know nothing is absolute.. so maybe that is not totally true...

that is just something that i think... and i dont know what i am doing.. nothing sems done although i know i did finish my chemistry and biology tutorial..i am suppose to start with revision for the test, or rather mock test 2 weeks later... oh ya.. study for chem spa also..which is on monday...and that is just so deadly... no outings tomorrow after dance..i swear... dinner and home i go.. mug till 2... i swear... i try... also.. no touching of computer..

i know i tend to be moody on sundays... i think it is because i get too hyper and sad to know that the next day is school... monday blues.. argh...

anyway... i think it will be a good day tomorrow..i will make it a good day...muahahha...

i almost got my mother to buy red wine just now...oopx... i want mei jiu.. i mean.. those plum wine... choya... yea.. it is super nice and super relaxing.. but i know... and i swear no alcohol until june?? or should i wait until i am lawfully 18? muahaha.. see how la... d=

i am not those bad girls who always drink ok.. hmm... i mean i said that.. i mean.. i think i am not that bad la..haha...oops...

there are alot of things that i feel like saying.. telling people.. but i realise i need to consider the consequences.. it is alot of consequences..maybe life should not be like that??

i hope i dont need to announce that i am here.. but so sad i am somehow a typical leo..i tried to curb that.. alot!!! if you realise.. but anyway.. i am still like that... but i am an understanding cancer also.. i mean.. i think i can sense what you are thinking.. and what you meant...

but recently i concluded that i tend to switch of my senses when i am talking to some people... i dont wish to know too much... one of which.. i hope you realise...realise that we hate you...

what is the point of striking out the words below? hoping that people will have a harder time reading? or hoping that people will not read it? i think people will only get more interested...

anyway...

how i wish i have the ability to control my fingers to close it..but so sad i dont.. so whatever that happen, it is always.. there.. and i just think that something is very wrong today...

my connection also.. i am like going to lose connections anytime... hmmm...

ok.. something is wrong tonight.. i hope everything is ok...

~*thats all*~
~*dont understand?*~
~*nevermind*~
~*it is so perfectly normal*~
~*i know smiles will come*~
~* C= *~

`i hope`i wish`it dun help`r tings ok?`i wish iz gone`i noe iz nt

.::random::.

~*some cool photos*~
~* C= *~

beauty and brains...she have both... she is my darling...



oh no.. i made one conclusion...this is slow... or is it of my computer and internet connections?? d=

haha

.::Yes i am here::.

~*nevermind*~
~*i dont know why that title*~
~*no link*~

hmmm...what a day... i realise i do cry rather easily... i almost... hold on... ALMOST cried in front of my civic tutor when he said about all those things...

ya...whatever that he told me... i know... that is the reason why i think i can do it...

maybe i really dont have a choice...ever since the day i am born into this family... i am destinated to go through all this... so i can only do what i am suppose to do... i failed halfway.. but i am not going to fail ALL the way... maybe i will be able to do what i do in the long run?? maybe i am just not cut out to do what i wish to do...maybe i am just too timid and too emotional to face the job that i am interested in?? but still.. i am not left with much choice...

yes.. i think everyone has a responsibility when they are born into certain family... i mean.. there is something that has to be done when you are 'introduce' into this world.. those are the purposes of life...

but i think it is still love that keeps the world going.. i think everyone needs to give more love to MOTHER EARTH... sorry... General Paper into Environment recently...so... ya... LOVE MOTHER EARTH please... this is such an important form of love... it is not there... our love for MOTHER EARTH became the love for MONEY... so.. ya.. MOTHER EARTH is so going to stop turning one day... when will the HEAT WAVE hit us? just like how the ICE AGE hit the dinosaurs...??

thats all... any interesting flash i also dont mind.. the more political it is the better... d=

ok...admit.. we were gossiping during PE today.. .all the politics things...

i just dont understand why people dont support PAP... i mean...maybe not the LEE family.. but whatever it is... LEE family did contribute to improving life in Singapore.. i mean...ya... 40 years...developed... now.. living in PEACE... dont understand...

my sister is actually going to sms Steve Chia tomorrow morning to wish him GOOD LUCK...can you imagine...

but still i cant deny the fact that.. i think i know the result le... steve chia will win...but whatever la... PAP still rocks... d=

but anyway.. went out to study with koonhui, liying, and chang er...

fine...it is the Terror Four... AGAIN... muahaha.. so nothing good will ever happen... Liying brought her new laptop... which i intially thought will be 'terrorised' by us.. but i think it is a good thing that it is not being terrorised.. instead it is koonhui's msn..muahaha...

he signed in to his account...he insist on signing in... and so sad that he didnt manage to keep the laptop in view ALL the time... so as usual...the 2 of us, we did something stupid... he got abit... just ABIT angry... then we continue our act after Chang Er come...

since when is Chang Er not involved in our terror acts? muahaha... evil guy him huh... run away when koonhui almost blasted.. but so sad... i think he is only ABIT angry...compare to what we did in the past... d=

anyway... i played with jessie and i think baby got all jealous... sniffing all over when i reach home... lol... but i still love her the most...

hmmm...my ankle pain AGAIN.. how huh? hmm... i mean it is ALWAYS pain la.. but anyway... i think it would remain on my leg lah...muahahaha

today is suppose to be a not so happy day... i dont know...actually everyday is not suppose to be a very happy day... cause i dont like ups and downs... so maybe dont be so happy will make me feel better...

how?hmm...i think i learnt to spell the word in my heart... yes... the word... yes.. c-o-n-t-e-n-t-e-d ... maybe it is something good? or maybe it meant something else?? i dont know... time will give me the answer.. i know... C=

maybe for everything done, there is a reason.. i choose to not sense the reason... cause i dont like to know reasons...

hold on...that is not true... i like to know reasons... i like to know the truth.. but.. i only like to know good reasons... hmm... d=

but hold on...i am not contented with my results... i am so so going to make new spects and more contacts.. muahahahaa... that is one ofthe uses of the money from the government...oopx... d=

~*life is like that*~
~*will everyone learn to be happy?*~
`do u noe tt we hate u??`argh`insensitive creature`stop tinkin u r sum1great n get lost

.::GONE!!::.

~*it is gone*~
~*it leave me the unexpected way*~

ok...not really mine... but still... so long le... the hamster of my family.. her name is Towel... we call her Mao Jin... ya..i know...what a name for a hamster... not me...ask my sister...

anyway... it is the longest living hamster in my house.. it is around 3 years old le... the previous ones never live past their first birthday... cause my mother likes to bathe them, water gets into their ears and poof.. die lor...

anyway...this little darling... sorry not even a single picture of it...how much sadder can this get??

this little darling... my sister got it as a reward for doing well in her exam... being the younger at home, she can only be taken care of by someone... cant take care of something by herself... so conclusion is she is not the one who is feeding the hamster...ok..maybe she did it for a period of time.. one week?? but soon her interest die off... and in the end it was my mother and i taking care of it...

despite these, it is still my sister's responsibilty to change and clean the hamster.

she can forget to put back the drinking bottle for the hamster. the next morning... the hamster get so dried up like ba gua.. but it didn die... now that we bought some new things for it, it is gone... argh...that is not a good thing...

i am starting to dread msn and sms... but there are just alot of things that is easier to be said through this 2 stupid means... but i know i will continue to use msn and also continue to sms one...

msn...i am crying in front of the computer le but still people that i am talking to are still treating it as a joke... sorry those that i NUDGE and that F word that i used..hmm... that is so not me...

i lost a kitten before too... another sister of mine found it in her school...insisted on keeping it as a squard pet for her batch of NPCC... no one willing to send it to SPCA... took it home, feed it... named it Georgie cause it was found in a Bush... George Bush... i know it is lame...

its eyes are not even open..it is less than 10 days old... after havng it for a week, i die... i thought i will live...

it is showing all those healthy signs... yellow waste... i provided it warmth with the aid of a bottle... it sleeps well against it... but still it die...

i remember that day i was in nan hua...i sat near the glass door and i started weeping like nobody business... oops...

so... both of the above mentioned cute darlings leave me the most unexpected way and at the most unexpected time...

anyway.. things in life are like that... they come and go as and when they like it...

so like it or not, still have to accept it... i know... no choice here.. you never know what will happen the next minute...

yes... i dont know what will happen the next minute...maybe someone will leave me AGAIN...?

i dont mind having a hamster on the 23.07.2006... *hint hint*

what is after this??? hmmm... chemistry... eeks.. i am sick of it... i need help in maths and chemistry!!! dying from them... argh...

i know i can do it...

i will create a miracle

i want to spoil people's spectacles... want them to 跌破眼镜 (die po yan jing) muahahaha...

i can do it...please tell me i can... =C
sorry i am not as confident as i seem...

okok... study time!!! C=

~*please dont leave me the unexpected way*~
~*please dont leave me without a note*~
~*please dont leave me without letting me know why*~
~*please dont leave me...that is the best*~
~* C= *~
~*so do you know what to do?*~

i know u care`bt sori` someting is jus nt rite` nt wif u bt me`nvm` u wun b readin dis
`conclusion`iz nt u`juz nt u`sum1else`sum1hunoe it