Christmas Tree!

Tomorrow :) hmm. lets see. haha I want to see Christmas Tree!

Something strike me...

As a joke...

Haha. Friday was a sinful day because I gave myself time off to let myself be a student for the day. I watched friends Bball, went for KOI bubble tea.

That few hours of carefree student life. Something that I learnt to appreciate and cherish and treasure.

But I have no idea how being with someone can take all these away from me. I choose this path myself, to not study well when I can, to work, and to study and work. It is tiring. Not very tiring. Fulfilling.

always tempted

Always tempted to get a wallet. But what am I going to do with the wristlet when I get a wallet? Wonder

人

其实我很想他，但是我不想再做那个在乎的人。 我妒嫉，妒嫉在你身旁的不是我。她轻易，容易地在你周围，而我就算有再在多的心，也只有那么多的力。 有时不的不承认，作的永远比说的难。 人生！

Someone told me ...

Someone told me that I should be doing sales. hahaha. Not bad. Haha.

Hmm. sleepy all these days. And I want to have now is good bubble tea. Badly.

funny

Told me that u r feeling warm and the next moment u tell me to go up first while u stay there. I don't understand. U just have to wait for her I suppose. Go ahead, stick together

It strikes once again

So it happened once again last night:
--"What time you waking up tomorrow?"
-"Erm, 7.45."
--"What paper tomorrow?"
-"No paper tomorrow."
--"Then why you wake up so early?"
-"Work la, you think I very free ah?"
--"Can you dont end off with that? It irritate alot of people."
-"So who it irritate? You?"
--"Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up..."
-"Do I look like I am very free all the time?"
--"No, but there are times that you are free. shut up, shut up..."

So i decided to shut up. hoping that she will realise that those portions of my time that I am free is just a small percentage of the time that she spent on watching movie and gaming on her lappy.

Ridiculous. Let it be.

Working alone

Actually I should be used to working alone right? I mean, I have always most of the time been working alone? Hmm.

But the sight of people downstairs having dinner together before meeting make me feel out of place. So I came up to my own little corner. I feel like crying. Maybe it is just too many things all at once. But actually nothing happened really.

I wonder, did I love my work before because of you? If not then why I dont seem to like it now? Or just that I have an alternative, something to compare, and I realise that studying is so much better?

conclusion

Working on the go is IMPOSSIBLE! -.- a right click on a drawing will take 5 seconds for the menu to come up. And 2 reports took me 1 hour. Goodness.

Someone told me...

Someone told me that I am strong. Very strong. But do I want to be the way I am now? Do I want to be strong?

Sometimes it just gets so lonely that I dont even feel like going to bed, so lonely that I dont even feel like smiling and be happy, so lonely that the slightest concern can move me. But sadly, that concern is never from the right people.

No one will understand the effect of chocolate on me. Someone gave me chocolate today, it brighten my day for a while. Quite a while.

For the second time in 4 days, I have to order food, planning to have it in the restaurant, changed to take away at the very last min... No seats and I am alone.

"Will he reply?" is what cross my mind everytime I send him something, msn, SMS. And it is always so difficult to keep a conversation. I think it is difficult when one doesnt want to talk.

Study!

I want to watch fireworks. Maybe it is time to take some time alone. New year eve :) I hope.

im tired

I feel that I have done alot of school work these days. Had some issues over money. I don't feel right anywhere. Or maybe in school. That's the happiest place now. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm not heard or u r just not paying attention to what I said. Sometimes I wonder whether is it only me who is not getting reply or just anyone else. I said the unit number is going smaller but u didn't hear or didn't believe and u went on to verify. I feel tired of doing well. Say I'm like my dad. I never see the need to save. I'm not doing enough but I'm giving up. Can I don't be good anymore? Did u see me trying to save money by wearing shoes and clothes that the others bought but don't wear? I can don't do that. Did u see that I'm helping out with housework when u r not around but the others aren't doing anything when they are the more free ones? Did u see me stop spending money on facial and pedicure? Did u see me stop buying shoes and not even getting myself a new wallet? What am I doing all these for when ultimately someone just tell me that I'm not doing enough? You never even ask how much more I owe my dentist. For the sake of the presents I'm even contemplating to not go to the dentist next month because I know I don't have enough. I'm not happy. What's the point? What's the point when I feel that no one is there? Maybe just one other person now but then again, no one will understand.

Sometime ago

Sometime ago I tweet, is it weird for me to be around or more weird for me to be not around.

I rather you just tell me that the car has no space, which I totally believe and totally agree to, than to tell me that it is weird for me to be around.

And now, if I dont ask, you wouldnt tell me that you are having lunch with her parents? No need to tell me? Not when you know that I mind? Whatever. Not important.

PS. It wasnt that bad afterall, come to think again. To know or not to know doesn't pain me anymore.

Can I be a normal employee?

Can I be a normal employee who knocks off on time, works OT sometimes and only on some days?

So what if I dont mess up my work, so what if I complete my work, there are still people who think that I am not performing. So crap.

So which is which?

I guess I was overly affected by what happened last thursday. I had a bad cry on Friday night in the office.

Yes, you never read wrongly, I was in the office on Friday! I stayed and worked till 12 plus. And it was a diappointing night that ended off with a not-too-bad drink at Bukit Timah.

So I was asking, is being busy a sign of inefficiency or just plainly too much things and too little time?

I kept thinking of that conversation during the ride. But I realise I couldnt remember what was the conclusion and what is the situation? If only things were different and if only they stick to what I planned.

Maybe this is just a crisis at work for just ME only.

I am tired.

planning ahead

Sometimes some people are just meant to do one thing and not the other. Sometimes I hope that the boyfriend is someone less reserved. Someone more daring with his love. :) sleeping time

sad truth

I realized a sad truth today. I'm still the same old me. Paranoid, insecure, emotional and all the other negativity. Sad for me. And painful to admit. Maybe this lonely Sunday night is the cause.

am i on track?

Look at the time. I'm tired. I was watching Korea video. Watching them makes me feel like loving more, be with someone more. I wonder whether I'm on track. I wonder whether I'm learning. I want good grades and I want a loving bf and I want things to go on smoothly. Can I have all three for Christmas? Santa please. That's all I need. Can they fit into a sock? :p Time to bed. And more drawing of valves tomorrow! I love shopping in furniture shops! It is just nice to walk around, with no negative emotions. :) Thank God!

rarr rarr

Crazyday. To come to programming without battery and without charger. If only I check. If only I drove. I told her to ask jasmine to book. And to get shouted when I tried to borrow from the useless sister. Bastard

Thats just an expression

Try putting lack of sleep, work, homework and some trouble at work into a mixer. What do you get? Frustration. So do just let me shout about it with a co-worker to vent it. FOR THAT MOMENT ONLY!

love the iphone

Love the iPhone to the max. The ease that I have. Time to take a break! 休息是为了走更远的路。I feel touched and proud of myself at this moment. :) so touched that I can cry. Touched that I was given this chance. :) and so touched that I managed to take that step. And I don't want a lonely Christmas. :) and I need a holiday. Thank god it is a short week! I can get my much awaited swim! Yawn. Sleep time.