~*when will the sky fall?*~
~*when will the things end?*~
hmmm...i am not sad huh... i am not paranoid huh... i am not not happy huh... i am not angry huh... i am not feeling anything negative... instead i am feeling happy... haas...
so...yah... conclusion is i am thinking too much la... rarr...haas...
all the stupid topic about those 2 stupid persons... rarr.. ok... i should stop thinking about them.. HELLO... who are they right??? C=
happy things here...
we decide to name the new puppy CARROT and seriously i am missing her...haas... d=
i went to see her that day but she is sleeping... i think i may just chiong home after dance this sunday lor... haas... SEE HOW LAH... i seriously miss the puppy...
ok... i should stop saying i miss the puppy before someone start saying something again... haas...
BUT I REALLY MISS THE PUPPY!!! d=
rarrr... i feel like biting my sisters now... rarr...
there is this dispute between them about who is prettier... GROW UP!!!
and there is this thing about relationship with girls and guys... haas...
it is just in the genes... paranoid... haas... my sister is getting all paranoid about her relationship with guys after being in a girls school for four years...
haas... Baby is 'digging' my bed... and messing around... rarr... whatever...
what willl happen when Carrot comes?
OMG~!!! I AM MISSING THE PUPPY AGAIN!!! d=
haas...
oh ya...today after i alight from 985 to go to the market... ok...i am attempting to buy sweet talk again.. craving for peppermint milk tea double pearl...
haas... then there is this guy... i think i was abit rude la... anyway...
i was at that shop but they are already cleaning up and clearing... then there is these 2 guys infront of me... then the auntie was discussing with him whether she should still sell anymore since they are already washing up... then when the auntie ask him how many cup he want, i was sort of stunned when he turned to me and ask me what i want...
HELLO~!!! i dont know him LOR...
anyway when they finally come to a conclusion and decide to not sell anymore for the day, the three of us walked off... then i walked past the 2 guys... one of them said byebye and i think i am being abit rude for not replying anything... but I DONT CARE~!!! muahaha...
that was abit random la..
hmm...now... what am i thinking? i dont know...haas... oh ya... go and read people blog.. especially koonhui... haha...
baby just kissed me... d= lol... she is cute and such a darling... C=
OMG~!!! I AM MISSING THE PUPPY AGAIN...!!! d=
ok la... haas... i really should stop that lah... not just missing the puppy alone la...haas... lol...
i am tired... it is 1.10 am... oops.. haas...
~*smiles*~
~*thats what i want to see on our faces*~
~* C= *~
`si aun~!!! is this big enough??
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
.::here i am,stupid::.
~*fine*~
~*i feel stupid today*~
i want to sign in to MSN!!! oh ya...i suddenly feel clever!!! i can use Windows... my sister dont let me use msn la...she signed in and will be using the computer till the end of this week... rarr
ok...fine... i will have a great day tomorrow!!! i hope... haas...
short entry
~*smiles*~
~*thats what i want to see on our faces*~
~*i feel stupid today*~
i want to sign in to MSN!!! oh ya...i suddenly feel clever!!! i can use Windows... my sister dont let me use msn la...she signed in and will be using the computer till the end of this week... rarr
ok...fine... i will have a great day tomorrow!!! i hope... haas...
short entry
~*smiles*~
~*thats what i want to see on our faces*~
.::HAAS....back to normal::.
~*Hmm...i think i am back to normal*~
haas...lesser post each day...only on each day...so i suppose i am normal now like that? haas...
ok...today...i sleep till quite late... ok..super late...cannot blame me... i slept late last night...so i have a reason to sleep in till very late tomorrow...
i mean... my sister is rushing her homework which i seriously dont understand why now that holidays is here and she is still rushing...
nevermind... it means i dont get to use computer... it means i have to talk on the phone.. it means sometimes my mother will nag.. but seems like she gave up on nagging le... muahahahah...
i am going bonkers... today i feel stupid can... rarr..i feel like biting people le... went pa... then since i did not perform, i have darn lot of free time.. i went to look at my handphone and i saw a shocking 5 missed calls, which is actually not alot la... from my sister...
i called back and i was so stunned... if you notice me, i am standing there withmy phone, and my hand covering my mouth.. stunned... totally...
my mother actually got a new dog!!! can you believe it??!!! that means 2 dogs at home...
the shocking thing is... they just had that idea YESTERDAY and freaking today, they got it...maybe i should make a trip to the pet shop tomorrow to look at the new member!!! C=
actually i had a happy day... ok.. i had happy days.. but the stupid thing is i am tired la...
i am getting this frequent headaches and i am freezing on bus on my way to pa today.. rarr...
then i got this nice nice message from dont know who huh... forget to bring brownies...ok... fine i should stop harping on it... haha...
ok...fine..i am missing someone... d=
haix... i thought of how stupid things are in my family now.. when will all these end??
okok..it is time for research on Jack Russell... haas...ok... fine..i dont know how can baby tahan this going to be hyper active girl...
ok...fine it is another female member added to my family...
haas...
~*good night*~
~*when will everything come to an end?*~
~*if only i have a time machine*~
haas...lesser post each day...only on each day...so i suppose i am normal now like that? haas...
ok...today...i sleep till quite late... ok..super late...cannot blame me... i slept late last night...so i have a reason to sleep in till very late tomorrow...
i mean... my sister is rushing her homework which i seriously dont understand why now that holidays is here and she is still rushing...
nevermind... it means i dont get to use computer... it means i have to talk on the phone.. it means sometimes my mother will nag.. but seems like she gave up on nagging le... muahahahah...
i am going bonkers... today i feel stupid can... rarr..i feel like biting people le... went pa... then since i did not perform, i have darn lot of free time.. i went to look at my handphone and i saw a shocking 5 missed calls, which is actually not alot la... from my sister...
i called back and i was so stunned... if you notice me, i am standing there withmy phone, and my hand covering my mouth.. stunned... totally...
my mother actually got a new dog!!! can you believe it??!!! that means 2 dogs at home...
the shocking thing is... they just had that idea YESTERDAY and freaking today, they got it...maybe i should make a trip to the pet shop tomorrow to look at the new member!!! C=
actually i had a happy day... ok.. i had happy days.. but the stupid thing is i am tired la...
i am getting this frequent headaches and i am freezing on bus on my way to pa today.. rarr...
then i got this nice nice message from dont know who huh... forget to bring brownies...ok... fine i should stop harping on it... haha...
ok...fine..i am missing someone... d=
haix... i thought of how stupid things are in my family now.. when will all these end??
okok..it is time for research on Jack Russell... haas...ok... fine..i dont know how can baby tahan this going to be hyper active girl...
ok...fine it is another female member added to my family...
haas...
~*good night*~
~*when will everything come to an end?*~
~*if only i have a time machine*~
Sunday, May 28, 2006
.::Oops... Late::.
~*rarr*~
~*headache!!!*~
ok..i am in a much better mood than the one that i had in the morning.. but i am having this headache since last night.. i mean...it is on and off... now it is on...
but i dont know why i am still online when it is freaking 2.45am now...haas... i shall crap some more here... I DONT CARE...!
i need chocolate... i was quite happy when i heard they buy chocolate but rarr... white chocolate.. do you have an idea how sweet it taste? yucks... not that i dont like or i dont eat white chocolate but i definitely dont like the idea of eating it if i have a choice between white, milk and dark...
i bet milk is still the best.. hold on.. with raisin.. muahahaahahas...
i shall go buy chocolate tomorrow since no one want to buy for me.. hmph... it would not kill to buy it myself..haas...
hmm...something stupid and silly happened today... a bad encounter with pearls... i mean those edible ones that you find in bubble tea...
as usual, i ordered what i like and that is PEPPERMINT MILK TEA DOUBLE PEARL!!! i think i influence quite alot of people.. .haas... dallan, weihong, si aun, keelui?, and maybe shibin? haha.. all double pearl and we all hate the sweet talk in clementi.. so little pearl!!! rarr...
nevermind.. back to topic.. i had double pearl as usual but the pearl dont taste as usual today... sweet, chewy but far too overcooked... yucks... result is they stick together...
there is this big piece with i thnk 3 pearls got stuck in the straw... what else can i do besides trying to suck it out? rarr.. .no way will i walk back to the shop.. so ya.. the thing is.. the straw cut my tongue.. rarr... bleed and i didnt know until i saw some blood on the straw.. oops.. then i start to realise that i am tasting iron in my mouth..hmm... rather silly of me...
my sister say i stupid lor... whatever... i am not...
i am tired.. rarr... it better be a good day tomorrow.. but i bet i have to pia homework tomorrow... hold on... coming up next is my schedule.. haha
29.05.2006 Monday 9am-12pm General Paper remedial LT2 [oops compre haven finish]
30.05.2006 Tuesday 9am-12pm General Paper remedial LT2 [oops compre haven finish]
01.06.2006 Thursday 7pm ART festival opening Esplanade [oops what to wear?]
02.06.2006 Friday 8.30am-11am Chemistry Group II tutorial LT3 [oops haven do.should i go?]
03.06.2006 Saturday 7.30 Performance Toa PaYoh [oops i not performing]
12.06.2006 Monday 8am-12pm Biology Lecture AVA [oops what is this lecture about?!]
12.06.2006 Monday 12pm-?? Biology mock test AVA [oops haven study.study what huh? d=]
14.06.2006 Wednesday Chemistry mock test D201 [oops haven study]
oops... not very packed huh...haas.. i am going plaza singapura!!! sportlight!!! rarr... i miss sportlight... going shopping and i have to carry yongkee again... i have an aching arm today.. nevermind...he is CUTE!!! C=
and when is the laser quest? rarr... forget me liao huh? rarr... later the date come then i not free hor.. i am sure i will cry...
HELLO!!! when is dance practice? when is the camp!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!
hmm... abit crappy and abit random... anyway.. i need to sleep.. oops...
3am!!! haha.. d=
hold on.. i still want to repeat the nice nice phrase...
`we lead our lives like water
`going in more or less one direction
`until we splash into something
`that forces us to take a new course
omg..i memorised it...haas... cool... C= i see my octopus les everytime i raise my head to see the night sky... C=
~*i am learning to get used to it*~
~*things are better when he is not drunk*~
~*smiles*~
~*thats what i want to see on our face*~
~*headache!!!*~
ok..i am in a much better mood than the one that i had in the morning.. but i am having this headache since last night.. i mean...it is on and off... now it is on...
but i dont know why i am still online when it is freaking 2.45am now...haas... i shall crap some more here... I DONT CARE...!
i need chocolate... i was quite happy when i heard they buy chocolate but rarr... white chocolate.. do you have an idea how sweet it taste? yucks... not that i dont like or i dont eat white chocolate but i definitely dont like the idea of eating it if i have a choice between white, milk and dark...
i bet milk is still the best.. hold on.. with raisin.. muahahaahahas...
i shall go buy chocolate tomorrow since no one want to buy for me.. hmph... it would not kill to buy it myself..haas...
hmm...something stupid and silly happened today... a bad encounter with pearls... i mean those edible ones that you find in bubble tea...
as usual, i ordered what i like and that is PEPPERMINT MILK TEA DOUBLE PEARL!!! i think i influence quite alot of people.. .haas... dallan, weihong, si aun, keelui?, and maybe shibin? haha.. all double pearl and we all hate the sweet talk in clementi.. so little pearl!!! rarr...
nevermind.. back to topic.. i had double pearl as usual but the pearl dont taste as usual today... sweet, chewy but far too overcooked... yucks... result is they stick together...
there is this big piece with i thnk 3 pearls got stuck in the straw... what else can i do besides trying to suck it out? rarr.. .no way will i walk back to the shop.. so ya.. the thing is.. the straw cut my tongue.. rarr... bleed and i didnt know until i saw some blood on the straw.. oops.. then i start to realise that i am tasting iron in my mouth..hmm... rather silly of me...
my sister say i stupid lor... whatever... i am not...
i am tired.. rarr... it better be a good day tomorrow.. but i bet i have to pia homework tomorrow... hold on... coming up next is my schedule.. haha
29.05.2006 Monday 9am-12pm General Paper remedial LT2 [oops compre haven finish]
30.05.2006 Tuesday 9am-12pm General Paper remedial LT2 [oops compre haven finish]
01.06.2006 Thursday 7pm ART festival opening Esplanade [oops what to wear?]
02.06.2006 Friday 8.30am-11am Chemistry Group II tutorial LT3 [oops haven do.should i go?]
03.06.2006 Saturday 7.30 Performance Toa PaYoh [oops i not performing]
12.06.2006 Monday 8am-12pm Biology Lecture AVA [oops what is this lecture about?!]
12.06.2006 Monday 12pm-?? Biology mock test AVA [oops haven study.study what huh? d=]
14.06.2006 Wednesday Chemistry mock test D201 [oops haven study]
oops... not very packed huh...haas.. i am going plaza singapura!!! sportlight!!! rarr... i miss sportlight... going shopping and i have to carry yongkee again... i have an aching arm today.. nevermind...he is CUTE!!! C=
and when is the laser quest? rarr... forget me liao huh? rarr... later the date come then i not free hor.. i am sure i will cry...
HELLO!!! when is dance practice? when is the camp!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!
hmm... abit crappy and abit random... anyway.. i need to sleep.. oops...
3am!!! haha.. d=
hold on.. i still want to repeat the nice nice phrase...
`we lead our lives like water
`going in more or less one direction
`until we splash into something
`that forces us to take a new course
omg..i memorised it...haas... cool... C= i see my octopus les everytime i raise my head to see the night sky... C=
~*i am learning to get used to it*~
~*things are better when he is not drunk*~
~*smiles*~
~*thats what i want to see on our face*~
Saturday, May 27, 2006
.::my nails.is it more than just my nails?::.
~*Things dont seem right*~
~*but i know i am still standing in the rain*~
~*with whatever that may come along*~
i have rather weak nails andstill i enjoyed doing funny things to them, adding colours, keeping them long
what do i get in the end besides weaker nails and chipped ones?
the more i am polishing them, the more i am prepared for chipped nails in the end... i think i am just enjoying the joy that last only
for a wjile when my nails still look nice with those colours on...
i realise i lead my life the same way too... though i know i will most probably suffer in the end, i still seek that joy or happiness that i once felt in my life..
but come to think of it, who don't?
maybe i am more extremed... that maybe the reason why my life seems to be in a mess now... all screwed up and feeling stupid...
i made decision and i change my minds most of the time after that... but in know i would not regret it this time round, provided hat i find the sources of courage to hold on...
i only wanted PEACE... i dont know when i will explode...
when you realise that you are the only one holding on while the others dont seem to care, you will start to wonder whether it is worth it all.. you can get real tired at times...
i know... i think i know the ultimate answer...
as if he will change... all my life... i bet i should not be thinking of changing... instead i should be learning to get used to them...
yet, i know i am still doing things that i know i will not get the answer in the end...
the irony... I AM STILL HOLDING ON.. hoping that tinge of happiness and peace at home... yet wondering when things will finally come to an end or rather, come to a good and happy end...
if this is all that you think it is, then maybe you are so so wrong.. i hope that prayers works... but i come to realise sometimes they dont...
i hope to know that tarots are for real.. but when they are contradictory, you will start to wonder...
there are just so many things that i am wondering now...
i need to wonder how to finish my english comprehension by monday... 2 comprehension.. ok... fine.. it is not alot... but when you dont have your mind with you, it is really quite alot...
北极雪
用心好好感觉
然后你才能够看得见 快乐伤悲
也许我的眼泪 我的笑脸
只是完美的表演
~*So it is more than just my nails*~
~*smiles*~
~*that is what i want to see on our faces*~
~*but i know i am still standing in the rain*~
~*with whatever that may come along*~
i have rather weak nails andstill i enjoyed doing funny things to them, adding colours, keeping them long
what do i get in the end besides weaker nails and chipped ones?
the more i am polishing them, the more i am prepared for chipped nails in the end... i think i am just enjoying the joy that last only
for a wjile when my nails still look nice with those colours on...
i realise i lead my life the same way too... though i know i will most probably suffer in the end, i still seek that joy or happiness that i once felt in my life..
but come to think of it, who don't?
maybe i am more extremed... that maybe the reason why my life seems to be in a mess now... all screwed up and feeling stupid...
i made decision and i change my minds most of the time after that... but in know i would not regret it this time round, provided hat i find the sources of courage to hold on...
i only wanted PEACE... i dont know when i will explode...
when you realise that you are the only one holding on while the others dont seem to care, you will start to wonder whether it is worth it all.. you can get real tired at times...
i know... i think i know the ultimate answer...
as if he will change... all my life... i bet i should not be thinking of changing... instead i should be learning to get used to them...
yet, i know i am still doing things that i know i will not get the answer in the end...
the irony... I AM STILL HOLDING ON.. hoping that tinge of happiness and peace at home... yet wondering when things will finally come to an end or rather, come to a good and happy end...
if this is all that you think it is, then maybe you are so so wrong.. i hope that prayers works... but i come to realise sometimes they dont...
i hope to know that tarots are for real.. but when they are contradictory, you will start to wonder...
there are just so many things that i am wondering now...
i need to wonder how to finish my english comprehension by monday... 2 comprehension.. ok... fine.. it is not alot... but when you dont have your mind with you, it is really quite alot...
北极雪
用心好好感觉
然后你才能够看得见 快乐伤悲
也许我的眼泪 我的笑脸
只是完美的表演
~*So it is more than just my nails*~
~*smiles*~
~*that is what i want to see on our faces*~
Friday, May 26, 2006
.::What a day?::.
~*i am feeling all screwed up*~
~*i am feeling stupid*~
~*i realised and i know*~
when it comes to today, i absolutely has got nothing much to say besides complain... i certainly hope tomorrow will be a much better day...
first thing in the morning... i sort of argued with my mother cause i cant find my shorts... HELLO...! early in the morning... and that spoils everything...
no chocolate today to keep me happy... no one to keep me happy also...
i seriously dont know what to do next... i hope but i know that and i realise that i am really prepared...
then comes to school and i saw this idiot guy whom i shall not talk about.. all the past week's bad experiednces are so bad that i chose not to talk to him in the end... so i didnt and i really forgot what i am thinking when i was sitting at the table...
the next thing that i know is the assembly at the sports gallery... it was so so long... and i dont like it... then come pe then come that extra chemistry lesson...
what a great test huh... 6/20 and there is only one pitiful soul in class passing it with a mere mark of 10/20... what is this? fine... so getting a 6 is something great...
there is this guy named Isaac... darn screamish... screaming away at all his careless mistakes... but true enough... he could have topped it if not for all those stupid mistakes...
then i called someone and i think he sounded more dead than before.. or is it i havee the mindset that he is sad thats why he sounded sad? maybe he is not? i hope he is not...
then got someone lucky... sets test got 10/10?? without studying?? ok lor... fine lor... dont sound nice when you realise you just failed your chemistry so badly...
then come the general paper lesson which happens to be a presentation for the Continual Assessment... which is CA lah... ya.. it is so cool right? i went to class... since my class is a small one cause i am having bad grades for my english so i was a bit shocked by the small turn out...
nevermind it is ok... but coming to the fact that only me and jacky turned up in our group?? that is so omg... so we rushed to work and i think produced something considered ok for us... cause jeremy and ting ting were not in school today when they were the only ones who know about what was reallygoing on...
so come the preesentation and i think i made quite alot of stupid comment... sorry... that guy out there in some other group is just not making sense... or is it i am just biased?? hmm... whatever...
then come after school.. i decide to find auntie... on the way... rarr... i am so so tired and i tried to sleep and my mother called me... i know she is trying to tell me what happened to my grandmother... i am convinced that she feel abit guilty towards her.. but i am seriously not in the mood... so i just somehow snap at her and shut her up...
then when i reached my auntie house.. bombarded by them lor... rarr... maybe i should have just shut up and not say anything... but i think my time in my auntie house is one of the happiest time today besides having contact with my handphone... then there is this quarrel between the kids and that affects the adults... my auntieis quite old and sometimes you dont know what old people think... so yah... i went out with my auntie's daughters and their kids without auntie...
we went west mall.. hoon is a bad back ache so she cant carry her son yong kee who keeps saying 'da da da...' then i will have to do the job and that is nothing nice.. then ping have to take turns with me to carry him... then her daughter rui han, who is only a few months older than yongkee, sleeps in yongkee's 500 dollars baby trolley... or whatever that you call that... ruihan likes to go 'mum mum...' she likes to eat...
this 2 little darlings... or rather yongkee, is really a darling to me... so clever and thanks to him, he threw my handphone on the ground 3 times? rarr.. nevermind.. he still rocks... he likes to look at the lights... random... why did i touch on that?
anyway... ya.. went home... hoon drove me home... being the maid for almost the whole afternoon.. but enjoyed their company...
then come home...some clever people tell me i can be online at 10...then someone come along and say she need to use... and so push back.. until... around 10.30?
i tried to work before that.. but i am just so so tired that i went to took a nap... haix.. by the time i am online... rarr.. dont want to talk about that...
i am thinking of sleeping soon.. i am real tired...
i realise that prayers do works... so more prayers.. i am a free thinker but turning to God at times do calm my soul...
if you ask me to find a song to describe my feelings now, i cannot give you ONE song.. cause i seriously dont knwo what i am feeling now...
i am going to touch my tarots later... although i know i should not be doing that...
anyway.. ya.. i am prepared for whatever that comes along and i mean... i THINK i am prepared... i hope but i dont know... i hate exams...!
no more plaza singapura tomorrow... change to some week day... this coming week...
why all of a sudden i felt like i am being abandoned? my teachers changed one after another... and after getting so used to how things are now, there will be a change again... rarr... or is it something else?
i dont like coming home now actually... there is no peace.. there is this freaking silence at home but you know that a storm is brewing and you never know when it will explode... hope it would not be sunday... please.. of all days not sunday..
i hate sunday nights... will things be better this sunday night? i hope...
anyone interested in going to the book fair? hmm... see how lah...
~*i forgot something that i want to say*~
~*but i do remember feeling all screwed up and stupid*~
~*but i will smile*~
~*cause i hope to see that on your face*~
~*i am feeling stupid*~
~*i realised and i know*~
when it comes to today, i absolutely has got nothing much to say besides complain... i certainly hope tomorrow will be a much better day...
first thing in the morning... i sort of argued with my mother cause i cant find my shorts... HELLO...! early in the morning... and that spoils everything...
no chocolate today to keep me happy... no one to keep me happy also...
i seriously dont know what to do next... i hope but i know that and i realise that i am really prepared...
then comes to school and i saw this idiot guy whom i shall not talk about.. all the past week's bad experiednces are so bad that i chose not to talk to him in the end... so i didnt and i really forgot what i am thinking when i was sitting at the table...
the next thing that i know is the assembly at the sports gallery... it was so so long... and i dont like it... then come pe then come that extra chemistry lesson...
what a great test huh... 6/20 and there is only one pitiful soul in class passing it with a mere mark of 10/20... what is this? fine... so getting a 6 is something great...
there is this guy named Isaac... darn screamish... screaming away at all his careless mistakes... but true enough... he could have topped it if not for all those stupid mistakes...
then i called someone and i think he sounded more dead than before.. or is it i havee the mindset that he is sad thats why he sounded sad? maybe he is not? i hope he is not...
then got someone lucky... sets test got 10/10?? without studying?? ok lor... fine lor... dont sound nice when you realise you just failed your chemistry so badly...
then come the general paper lesson which happens to be a presentation for the Continual Assessment... which is CA lah... ya.. it is so cool right? i went to class... since my class is a small one cause i am having bad grades for my english so i was a bit shocked by the small turn out...
nevermind it is ok... but coming to the fact that only me and jacky turned up in our group?? that is so omg... so we rushed to work and i think produced something considered ok for us... cause jeremy and ting ting were not in school today when they were the only ones who know about what was reallygoing on...
so come the preesentation and i think i made quite alot of stupid comment... sorry... that guy out there in some other group is just not making sense... or is it i am just biased?? hmm... whatever...
then come after school.. i decide to find auntie... on the way... rarr... i am so so tired and i tried to sleep and my mother called me... i know she is trying to tell me what happened to my grandmother... i am convinced that she feel abit guilty towards her.. but i am seriously not in the mood... so i just somehow snap at her and shut her up...
then when i reached my auntie house.. bombarded by them lor... rarr... maybe i should have just shut up and not say anything... but i think my time in my auntie house is one of the happiest time today besides having contact with my handphone... then there is this quarrel between the kids and that affects the adults... my auntieis quite old and sometimes you dont know what old people think... so yah... i went out with my auntie's daughters and their kids without auntie...
we went west mall.. hoon is a bad back ache so she cant carry her son yong kee who keeps saying 'da da da...' then i will have to do the job and that is nothing nice.. then ping have to take turns with me to carry him... then her daughter rui han, who is only a few months older than yongkee, sleeps in yongkee's 500 dollars baby trolley... or whatever that you call that... ruihan likes to go 'mum mum...' she likes to eat...
this 2 little darlings... or rather yongkee, is really a darling to me... so clever and thanks to him, he threw my handphone on the ground 3 times? rarr.. nevermind.. he still rocks... he likes to look at the lights... random... why did i touch on that?
anyway... ya.. went home... hoon drove me home... being the maid for almost the whole afternoon.. but enjoyed their company...
then come home...some clever people tell me i can be online at 10...then someone come along and say she need to use... and so push back.. until... around 10.30?
i tried to work before that.. but i am just so so tired that i went to took a nap... haix.. by the time i am online... rarr.. dont want to talk about that...
i am thinking of sleeping soon.. i am real tired...
i realise that prayers do works... so more prayers.. i am a free thinker but turning to God at times do calm my soul...
if you ask me to find a song to describe my feelings now, i cannot give you ONE song.. cause i seriously dont knwo what i am feeling now...
i am going to touch my tarots later... although i know i should not be doing that...
anyway.. ya.. i am prepared for whatever that comes along and i mean... i THINK i am prepared... i hope but i dont know... i hate exams...!
no more plaza singapura tomorrow... change to some week day... this coming week...
why all of a sudden i felt like i am being abandoned? my teachers changed one after another... and after getting so used to how things are now, there will be a change again... rarr... or is it something else?
i dont like coming home now actually... there is no peace.. there is this freaking silence at home but you know that a storm is brewing and you never know when it will explode... hope it would not be sunday... please.. of all days not sunday..
i hate sunday nights... will things be better this sunday night? i hope...
anyone interested in going to the book fair? hmm... see how lah...
~*i forgot something that i want to say*~
~*but i do remember feeling all screwed up and stupid*~
~*but i will smile*~
~*cause i hope to see that on your face*~
Thursday, May 25, 2006
.::When there are just things easier said than done::.
~*i knew that long ago*~
~*i understand that title*~
haas... i am not sad here or something... hehe... in fact i am feeling rather hyped and i am having quite alot of plans for tomorrow... where should i go? haha... hmm... i got quite a few choices... hmmm...so where should i go?
today i had biology SPA... which means, Science Practical Assessment... i had a skill A test today.. it marks the end of the SPA..that means no more practicals in future... since i have also complete my chemistry... but sadly, it is not a good ending...
HELLO... i did not manage to touch on reliability of results... i can blame no one though.. it is all my fault... write so slow? rarr.. but i think i did my best le lah... hais...
without reliability of result... i bet i am left with at most a level 4...so please do not remind me anymore about SPA..
i have a cool friend... added so much colour and especially laughter to my life in school... who was the one who said...
'When you lead a HARD life, drink SOFT drink'
'When there is no more SPA, you dont need to be SPAstic'
omg... it is this friend of mine... i certainly would not forget this person and i bet everyone will know where to find her if we lose contact one day... haha... SECRET RECIPE.. oops... thanks for all the treats... haha... actually she only treated me ONCE lah... haha...
should i go nanhua tomorrow?
should i go out with my friends for Da Vinci code tomorrow?
should i go out with my auntie tomorrow?
so many people i am missing.. haha.. i am missing you also.. d= telling me to not miss you no use huh... lol...
hmmm... 'orh...ok lor'... standard answer...haha... oops...
i want to see auntie and i want to see yong kee... i miss them!!! hmm.. do i miss yao shen? haha.. i think so too.. i am going to talk some sense into him the next time i see him... and i can already predict the expression that he will give me... 'aiya! dont say le lah...'
then he will continue playing his gameboy... ya.. that is just him... haha... know him since the day he was in his mother stomach lor..haha.. my young god-brother.. ahah...
there are just so many things easier said than done and i bet everyone knows that... thats all people!!! back to more writing... i am suppose to decipher what mavis wrote during lecture today and recopy before photocopying them for isaac (the shit) and sam (the tree)... haha
oh ya... the seven sisters... tomorrow there will be the er jie helping us buy food... cause he is so clever that he went to drink soursop ice again today.. and it is cold since it is iced and there he is the last one to finish the drink and tatah~~! he has to throw away our cups and have to buy food for us tomorrow... hhaa...
my dajie is the spastic one... er jie is the only guy in the group.. .haha... and me the 3rd... then i luan le... but i know we have a tree who is sam.. lol... the only guy in the group belongs to her... oops... scandal... haha... the whole world knows... or rather the whole class knows... haha...
~*chemistry*~
~*if i pass the chemistry test tomorrow...!!! haha...*~
~*smiles*~
~*i want to see that on all your faces*~
~* C= *~
~*i understand that title*~
haas... i am not sad here or something... hehe... in fact i am feeling rather hyped and i am having quite alot of plans for tomorrow... where should i go? haha... hmm... i got quite a few choices... hmmm...so where should i go?
today i had biology SPA... which means, Science Practical Assessment... i had a skill A test today.. it marks the end of the SPA..that means no more practicals in future... since i have also complete my chemistry... but sadly, it is not a good ending...
HELLO... i did not manage to touch on reliability of results... i can blame no one though.. it is all my fault... write so slow? rarr.. but i think i did my best le lah... hais...
without reliability of result... i bet i am left with at most a level 4...so please do not remind me anymore about SPA..
i have a cool friend... added so much colour and especially laughter to my life in school... who was the one who said...
'When you lead a HARD life, drink SOFT drink'
'When there is no more SPA, you dont need to be SPAstic'
omg... it is this friend of mine... i certainly would not forget this person and i bet everyone will know where to find her if we lose contact one day... haha... SECRET RECIPE.. oops... thanks for all the treats... haha... actually she only treated me ONCE lah... haha...
should i go nanhua tomorrow?
should i go out with my friends for Da Vinci code tomorrow?
should i go out with my auntie tomorrow?
so many people i am missing.. haha.. i am missing you also.. d= telling me to not miss you no use huh... lol...
hmmm... 'orh...ok lor'... standard answer...haha... oops...
i want to see auntie and i want to see yong kee... i miss them!!! hmm.. do i miss yao shen? haha.. i think so too.. i am going to talk some sense into him the next time i see him... and i can already predict the expression that he will give me... 'aiya! dont say le lah...'
then he will continue playing his gameboy... ya.. that is just him... haha... know him since the day he was in his mother stomach lor..haha.. my young god-brother.. ahah...
there are just so many things easier said than done and i bet everyone knows that... thats all people!!! back to more writing... i am suppose to decipher what mavis wrote during lecture today and recopy before photocopying them for isaac (the shit) and sam (the tree)... haha
oh ya... the seven sisters... tomorrow there will be the er jie helping us buy food... cause he is so clever that he went to drink soursop ice again today.. and it is cold since it is iced and there he is the last one to finish the drink and tatah~~! he has to throw away our cups and have to buy food for us tomorrow... hhaa...
my dajie is the spastic one... er jie is the only guy in the group.. .haha... and me the 3rd... then i luan le... but i know we have a tree who is sam.. lol... the only guy in the group belongs to her... oops... scandal... haha... the whole world knows... or rather the whole class knows... haha...
~*chemistry*~
~*if i pass the chemistry test tomorrow...!!! haha...*~
~*smiles*~
~*i want to see that on all your faces*~
~* C= *~
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
.::The song::.
~*why?*~
~*why the sad feeling?*~
i have no idea... i dont really know why i am feeling sad when i hear that song? feeling sad on someone else's behalf? feeling sad over something? feeling sad over an incident? or myself? i dont know...
actually the way things are now seems ok to me... and i seriously have no thought of bringing it up...
i felt like asking.. but i choose not to... maybe i will one day... we shall see...
so if that is the case.. i will try.. but i cannot promise... this is something that i cannot promise...
things seems better today...
i realise something.. i bite myself when i cry... so i dont think i need a shoulder... i need someone for me to bite when i am crying.. but i dont mind having both...haha...
can it be a bilateral and not unilateral... oops... does that word exist in the first place? haha...
oh mine... i love the phrase... :
'We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going in more or less one direction until we splash into something that forces us to take a new course...'
going out on saturday!!! hah... next thursday!!! hhaa... anymore? haha... oops... weekdays? haha... oh ya... sunday also!!! hhaaha..
is there a need for me to announce that holidays are coming? haha... d=
~*smiles*~
~*that is the only thing that i wish to see*~
~*on our faces*~
~* C= *~
~*^^like that*~
~*why the sad feeling?*~
i have no idea... i dont really know why i am feeling sad when i hear that song? feeling sad on someone else's behalf? feeling sad over something? feeling sad over an incident? or myself? i dont know...
actually the way things are now seems ok to me... and i seriously have no thought of bringing it up...
i felt like asking.. but i choose not to... maybe i will one day... we shall see...
so if that is the case.. i will try.. but i cannot promise... this is something that i cannot promise...
things seems better today...
i realise something.. i bite myself when i cry... so i dont think i need a shoulder... i need someone for me to bite when i am crying.. but i dont mind having both...haha...
can it be a bilateral and not unilateral... oops... does that word exist in the first place? haha...
oh mine... i love the phrase... :
'We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going in more or less one direction until we splash into something that forces us to take a new course...'
going out on saturday!!! hah... next thursday!!! hhaa... anymore? haha... oops... weekdays? haha... oh ya... sunday also!!! hhaaha..
is there a need for me to announce that holidays are coming? haha... d=
~*smiles*~
~*that is the only thing that i wish to see*~
~*on our faces*~
~* C= *~
~*^^like that*~
.::I am not regreting, just trying to find solution::.
~*please*~
~*i dont regret*~
~*but please find solutions for me*~
i made one conclusion today... i really cannot blame anyone... maybe i should have stick to my choice that i made long ago... i have the choice... i can just stay there and not be where i am now...
not to say i hate whatever that i am facing and handling now but the poor fact that my future is so going to suffer... so i have no one to blame except myself and so i would not regret...
why did i even chose to get into SAJC? i seriously dont remember... i just think that it will be a school with a better culture than acjc... true to be... but now my future... who can assure it? i did play a part but how to excel when the whole school is being restricted by the word so-called integrity?
our PW result suffered and that could just be due to the fact that out teacher are just strictly following the guide lines given by MOE... why are everything done according to book?
then now come the Biology SPA which is tomorrow... we have a serious discussion today.. we made not much conclusion... the whole biology department are just people who are so up right and so bound by the word that they choose to keep their mouth shut... no one leak a single word about what may be coming out until recently... after much pleading from us... you dare say that students from other colleges only know about the question when they sawthe question paper? i doubt that...
i dont blame them for having this upright and correct mindset... i agree to it.. i mean.. it is really correct.. but can the teacher at least agree on somethings? what a choice we were given... 'class choose between the 2 experiments, counting of number of air bubbles or collection of gas using displacement of water'... we did our choice... we choose displacement initially but we were then hinted to use counting number of air bubbles...
everything is so pointless now... cause whatever that we write will only give us a level 6 at most out of level8...
so maybe i should drop this topic...
i am feeling stupid and dumb recently... and i dont really like this kind of feeling... what food should i bring this sunday? hmmm... nothing... chocolate maybe?
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
somethings do change...
we lead our lives like water, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course...
what is my new course now?
oops... so many outings during june holidays... nevermind.. i am going to mug late into the nights...
i manage to stop someone... muahaha... sorry.. i am evil... but i dont care..
getting from bad to worse le recently... i mean me... i was talking to my friends today and then a guy infront turned as though he heard something astonishing... and the moment he turned back... the next thing i said was 'why he so kpo?'
another thing... before lecture... when the jc1 were clearing out of the cultural centre... they are really taking a long long time... and my friends started 'reprimanding' me for getting to the wrong row... then i started saying.. 'not my fault.. why they so slow lor...' and it is obvious i am refering to the jc1s.. oops...
i am getting more and more bad... sorry...haha.. but i had a happy breakfaat today... and tomorrow will be happy breakfast too... cause i will have the whole bag of raisin chocolate...
haha... tomorrow... i will have to write like mad... so please wish me lots of luck.. cause i dont really write very fast huh... rarr... english and biology spa...
~*thats all*~
~*yawnz*~
~*i think i need a nap*~
~* d= *~
~*i dont regret*~
~*but please find solutions for me*~
i made one conclusion today... i really cannot blame anyone... maybe i should have stick to my choice that i made long ago... i have the choice... i can just stay there and not be where i am now...
not to say i hate whatever that i am facing and handling now but the poor fact that my future is so going to suffer... so i have no one to blame except myself and so i would not regret...
why did i even chose to get into SAJC? i seriously dont remember... i just think that it will be a school with a better culture than acjc... true to be... but now my future... who can assure it? i did play a part but how to excel when the whole school is being restricted by the word so-called integrity?
our PW result suffered and that could just be due to the fact that out teacher are just strictly following the guide lines given by MOE... why are everything done according to book?
then now come the Biology SPA which is tomorrow... we have a serious discussion today.. we made not much conclusion... the whole biology department are just people who are so up right and so bound by the word that they choose to keep their mouth shut... no one leak a single word about what may be coming out until recently... after much pleading from us... you dare say that students from other colleges only know about the question when they sawthe question paper? i doubt that...
i dont blame them for having this upright and correct mindset... i agree to it.. i mean.. it is really correct.. but can the teacher at least agree on somethings? what a choice we were given... 'class choose between the 2 experiments, counting of number of air bubbles or collection of gas using displacement of water'... we did our choice... we choose displacement initially but we were then hinted to use counting number of air bubbles...
everything is so pointless now... cause whatever that we write will only give us a level 6 at most out of level8...
so maybe i should drop this topic...
i am feeling stupid and dumb recently... and i dont really like this kind of feeling... what food should i bring this sunday? hmmm... nothing... chocolate maybe?
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
somethings do change...
we lead our lives like water, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course...
what is my new course now?
oops... so many outings during june holidays... nevermind.. i am going to mug late into the nights...
i manage to stop someone... muahaha... sorry.. i am evil... but i dont care..
getting from bad to worse le recently... i mean me... i was talking to my friends today and then a guy infront turned as though he heard something astonishing... and the moment he turned back... the next thing i said was 'why he so kpo?'
another thing... before lecture... when the jc1 were clearing out of the cultural centre... they are really taking a long long time... and my friends started 'reprimanding' me for getting to the wrong row... then i started saying.. 'not my fault.. why they so slow lor...' and it is obvious i am refering to the jc1s.. oops...
i am getting more and more bad... sorry...haha.. but i had a happy breakfaat today... and tomorrow will be happy breakfast too... cause i will have the whole bag of raisin chocolate...
haha... tomorrow... i will have to write like mad... so please wish me lots of luck.. cause i dont really write very fast huh... rarr... english and biology spa...
~*thats all*~
~*yawnz*~
~*i think i need a nap*~
~* d= *~
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
.::My Father::.
~*The title seems nice*~
~*But be warned*~
~*Below has hardly anything nice about him*~
i told myself that one fine day i will write an entry about my father... the man of the house... and everything about him... but i know it is not going to be anything nice... there are hardly any nice things that i can say about him... and please... that is the truth... not that i am agitated now or something... i am being perfectly calm now cause i am alone at home... and i have think through this very long before i decide to post this entry...
there will be no consequences... so i dont really care... and i think it is a good chance to let others know that i dont come from a happy family besides the fact that i actually have a good mother that i feel real guilty to and someone whom i am still learning to treasure... C=
this man... i am glad that i never get topic like 'My Father' for essay when i was young.. because i will really have no idea how to write and what to write about him...
i envy people who have daddy who will dote on them...
maybe i should start with some description.. i will find the chance to get his photo with my handphone... he is a fine young man... or at least he look like one... he is already 51 and yet he dont look like he is 51... he still have the thinking that he is still 18 or whatever shit and still doing things that only youngster in his generation used to do... he stand tall... much taller than me and my mother... maybe 180? ya.. i think so... and he is thin and not really skinny.. he dont have muscles but he dont look weak.. i think it is because of his skin colour... we have this in the genes.. like it or not.. most of us in the family are tanned and not to mention my dad who works as a construction worker foreman.. under the sun...all the more he is tan...so in the end he look like some fine young man with proper workouts.. he do not have big stomach as though he is n months pregnant... so can you imagine the charm that he has or rather, the charm that he think he still have...
my father... someone who is always the one with a black face at home...even if there are jokes... the jokes will usually not last for more than half an hour... he will spoil the lively and happy environment in less than an hour when he start to do stuid things that will agitate my sisters and make them angry or upset... and he will continues to do whatever he like until he get what he wants despite my mother and i trying to ask him to stop... so conclusion is peace never last long in my house...
i think the above mentioned senerio is something that only happened recently...maybe i should just start from what happened and what i have heard of about him since young...
there are just so many things... i have a close nanny... she took care of us when my sister and i were young.. and i swear... one day i will also write an entry about this wonderful lady who do played a major part in my life.. my childhood... without her... i really cannot imagine what it will be like... all the things that she told me about my father and even my grandmother.. you will never imagine and i can never imagine hearing them from my mother also...
mine is a big family which my mother dont really give a damn to cause the people at the paternal side are mostly really nothing but rubbish.. i know that sounds bad and reflect badly on my mother... but when you are my mother, you really cannot help but think this way... yet.. despite all these, she is still giving all the due respect to people there...
i was born into this big family.. i dont even have a single idea how my dad got to know my mother.. my mother if given a chance will never choose my dad... that is for sure.. that is what i know about her... if she had a chance...
they got together through match making.. they met each other at the KFC in the shopping centre next to Beauty World shopping centre... from what i know... the wedding is held quite soon after the death of my grandfather... but i am not very sure about this fact though...
but for what i know..i have at least a half brother.. someone that i have yet to see... someone older than me... my dad had it with a girl... yet the family is not willing to accept the girl... so do you think that this marriage between my dad and my mother has my dad as the willing party?
both of them were quite of some age when they met each other... so i think that this marriage is not really something that both of them want but just something to force the two of them to settle down... especially for my dad...
i dont really know how to continue... but i will...
then came the marriage which i suppose to be a happy event since both families are eager to force their children to settle down... so after the marriage came me... i was brought to existance...
my mother had me... and something that no one can ever imagine happened... my dad had an affair outside... and please be assured that this will not be the only time that you see the word affair cause he just have more than one...
i dont know how things got settled or is it some family member drilled some senses into my dad before my birth... so i was born into this world... i lived with my grandmother or rather my family, the 3 of us stayed in the small apartment in Bukit Gombak with my grandmother till i am about 1 before shifting here to my current address...
according to my mother... my grandmother dont really cared much about her when she was in her confinement period... not much cooking done for her... not to say the next 2 birth of my sisters...
then during the about 1 year stay there, nothing much good and happy happened there...
i heard that i have a dad who forced open my eyes when i am young.. my mother concluded that that is the very reason why i have such bad eye sight in my right eye... thats her conclusion...
i heard that i have a dad who sent me a slap across my face when i am still a small baby... the only thing that my mother could do then was to take me to find my nanny, crying... the 2 of us crying...
he was drunk... drunk then but that does not seem to give him a reason to slap a baby across the face...
then shifted to the new house... came my 2 sisters... both pregnancy... not a single pregnancy that my mother have without worry... and yes.. my dad had affairs on both incidents.. i lost count of how many times le... seriously... i dont really care now...
i have a dad who get so drunk home most of the time... i have a dad who can be out at night for more than 3 days a week when i was young... my mother struggled to bring us up... never get much help from my dad... i admired and honour my mother.. she have the capability to carry one in her hand, pull one with the other and have one in her tummy... that was what happened during her third pregnancy when she still have to bring us to our nanny every morning before going to work...
i dont remember my dad paying for any bills at home not to mention giving us our allowance.. i think with the use of one hand i can count the number of times that he gave us money... and i only remember him bringing a lady home for a mahjong session only later to let us realise that he is having an affair with her... hold on.. did i say that that lady is an OLD lady?
maybe it is because of my dad that i never like the idea of coming home when i was young.. i like it at my nanny's house...
then come when we grow older... when i was only secondary one.. like i say... i dont like changes and that started since then... i never like the idea of hanging out with my secondary friends until quite late of the year... so do you think that i will have made my way to Jurong Point when i was just secondary one?
he questioned me... asked me why i went there... my cousin say she spotted me there... she have no idea what trouble she got me into when she said that...my cousins, or rather, other people's kids are always the good kids and the girl typing this here is the bad and naughty one...
he did not believe me... i am like that... i hate being wronged.. so i think that is the first time that i talked back to him... and i got a serious whacking for that...
up till now... i bet he still believe what my cousin said back then...
he still believe that other people's kids are better..
he gave me a slap across my face that sent me flying off my chair before... and he gave me whackings that no one can imagine... belt... canes... he stuffed chilli down my throat before too...
all these beatings that i have when i was young made me immuned to the beatings with one cane... at that point of time, one cane just have no effect... cause i am just so used to being beaten up by 3...
after every beating... every quarrel... he will come into my room to apologise when i tried to cry myself to bed... telling me why and how sorry he is for what he had done... i admit i am at fault at times but not all the time...
when i was young, i am just so used to all those fighting things that goes on outside and get brought back home... not only the fight between him and my poor mother, but also the fight he had with my cousin...
i can say my cousin deserve it since he is really a rubbish in the family.. but i do not think it is appropriate to bring that home right?
police came and the 3 of us are crying... we were young then... dont know how to react...
all these dispute and fight can last till late nights and i still have to get to school the next day...
that was most probably the past... i dare not say that things remained the same even now.. cause somethings did took a change for the better...
maybe because he was a gangster in the past... that is why he is so scare that his daughter will turn out to be some ah lian or something.. so he is always saying nasty things that make me sound so cheap... cause he will just assume that i will go out and do stupid things will idiot guys and get myself into some trouble... and that is the reason why i choose to tell my mother everything that is going on in my life now including whatever that is happening to me and around me...i think she needs assurance and she deserve to know them...
just sometime this year, my mother came to realise the existance of another girl in his life... even now.. i believe she is still there... in fact.. i think the whole family know that she is there just that no one choose to say anything about it... we all wanted peace after what happened a few months ago...
there is this huge argument... my mother called up my dad's boss only to realise that my father is not bringing money home because he spend them all and not like what he claimed.. he claimed that his boss is not giving him any... the whole thing exploded... not that much trust that my dad's boss is giving him and my nanny came over that night...
she came to try to solve the dispute and try to bring me away... i was crying like dont know what happened and i bet she is just afraid that i will do something silly... i stayed on and that is the worst period in my life so far that i can remember...
i cant deny the fact that he did bring us on holidays for 2 of my december holidays... but that only happens when he struck lottery... when was the last time we have holiday together as a whole family...
he had those bad things and hardly any good ones... he drink he smoke and it think his drinking is the source of all troubles... he can attempt to commit suicide when he is drunk... i experienced that twice and it is definitely not something nice... cause i do have fear for losing him... so i have to force my crying eyes to remain open to see that he dont do stupid things...
he is always doubtful of people and i think that is in the genes.. that may be the reason that cause me to be so paranoia...
i never blamed my mtoher for giving me a father like him... instead i blame myself for the existance in this world... cause without us, my mother could jolly well leave him and find the happiness she deserved...
i maybe very pessimistic but i never thought of death except when my dad and mother quarrel.. cause when that happen you will just wish that you are not there... cause if i am not there... my mother can just pack and leave... and i feel lost cause i just dont know what to do... my mother can actually attempt suicide when they quarrel... i witnessed her attempt once... he pulled her back...
peace never last long at home... there is just something going on now and my dad simply love locking himself up in his room... smoking... that stinks up the whole room...
so i suppose that is the story of my dad...
i have never written something like this...
i am not sad... i am just wondering why and how to make things better...
~*i still give him the respect that he deserve*~
~*i still greet him whenever he come home*~
~*although no one else in the house is doing that*~
~*hoping that he will change*~
~*hoping that he will learn*~
~*But be warned*~
~*Below has hardly anything nice about him*~
i told myself that one fine day i will write an entry about my father... the man of the house... and everything about him... but i know it is not going to be anything nice... there are hardly any nice things that i can say about him... and please... that is the truth... not that i am agitated now or something... i am being perfectly calm now cause i am alone at home... and i have think through this very long before i decide to post this entry...
there will be no consequences... so i dont really care... and i think it is a good chance to let others know that i dont come from a happy family besides the fact that i actually have a good mother that i feel real guilty to and someone whom i am still learning to treasure... C=
this man... i am glad that i never get topic like 'My Father' for essay when i was young.. because i will really have no idea how to write and what to write about him...
i envy people who have daddy who will dote on them...
maybe i should start with some description.. i will find the chance to get his photo with my handphone... he is a fine young man... or at least he look like one... he is already 51 and yet he dont look like he is 51... he still have the thinking that he is still 18 or whatever shit and still doing things that only youngster in his generation used to do... he stand tall... much taller than me and my mother... maybe 180? ya.. i think so... and he is thin and not really skinny.. he dont have muscles but he dont look weak.. i think it is because of his skin colour... we have this in the genes.. like it or not.. most of us in the family are tanned and not to mention my dad who works as a construction worker foreman.. under the sun...all the more he is tan...so in the end he look like some fine young man with proper workouts.. he do not have big stomach as though he is n months pregnant... so can you imagine the charm that he has or rather, the charm that he think he still have...
my father... someone who is always the one with a black face at home...even if there are jokes... the jokes will usually not last for more than half an hour... he will spoil the lively and happy environment in less than an hour when he start to do stuid things that will agitate my sisters and make them angry or upset... and he will continues to do whatever he like until he get what he wants despite my mother and i trying to ask him to stop... so conclusion is peace never last long in my house...
i think the above mentioned senerio is something that only happened recently...maybe i should just start from what happened and what i have heard of about him since young...
there are just so many things... i have a close nanny... she took care of us when my sister and i were young.. and i swear... one day i will also write an entry about this wonderful lady who do played a major part in my life.. my childhood... without her... i really cannot imagine what it will be like... all the things that she told me about my father and even my grandmother.. you will never imagine and i can never imagine hearing them from my mother also...
mine is a big family which my mother dont really give a damn to cause the people at the paternal side are mostly really nothing but rubbish.. i know that sounds bad and reflect badly on my mother... but when you are my mother, you really cannot help but think this way... yet.. despite all these, she is still giving all the due respect to people there...
i was born into this big family.. i dont even have a single idea how my dad got to know my mother.. my mother if given a chance will never choose my dad... that is for sure.. that is what i know about her... if she had a chance...
they got together through match making.. they met each other at the KFC in the shopping centre next to Beauty World shopping centre... from what i know... the wedding is held quite soon after the death of my grandfather... but i am not very sure about this fact though...
but for what i know..i have at least a half brother.. someone that i have yet to see... someone older than me... my dad had it with a girl... yet the family is not willing to accept the girl... so do you think that this marriage between my dad and my mother has my dad as the willing party?
both of them were quite of some age when they met each other... so i think that this marriage is not really something that both of them want but just something to force the two of them to settle down... especially for my dad...
i dont really know how to continue... but i will...
then came the marriage which i suppose to be a happy event since both families are eager to force their children to settle down... so after the marriage came me... i was brought to existance...
my mother had me... and something that no one can ever imagine happened... my dad had an affair outside... and please be assured that this will not be the only time that you see the word affair cause he just have more than one...
i dont know how things got settled or is it some family member drilled some senses into my dad before my birth... so i was born into this world... i lived with my grandmother or rather my family, the 3 of us stayed in the small apartment in Bukit Gombak with my grandmother till i am about 1 before shifting here to my current address...
according to my mother... my grandmother dont really cared much about her when she was in her confinement period... not much cooking done for her... not to say the next 2 birth of my sisters...
then during the about 1 year stay there, nothing much good and happy happened there...
i heard that i have a dad who forced open my eyes when i am young.. my mother concluded that that is the very reason why i have such bad eye sight in my right eye... thats her conclusion...
i heard that i have a dad who sent me a slap across my face when i am still a small baby... the only thing that my mother could do then was to take me to find my nanny, crying... the 2 of us crying...
he was drunk... drunk then but that does not seem to give him a reason to slap a baby across the face...
then shifted to the new house... came my 2 sisters... both pregnancy... not a single pregnancy that my mother have without worry... and yes.. my dad had affairs on both incidents.. i lost count of how many times le... seriously... i dont really care now...
i have a dad who get so drunk home most of the time... i have a dad who can be out at night for more than 3 days a week when i was young... my mother struggled to bring us up... never get much help from my dad... i admired and honour my mother.. she have the capability to carry one in her hand, pull one with the other and have one in her tummy... that was what happened during her third pregnancy when she still have to bring us to our nanny every morning before going to work...
i dont remember my dad paying for any bills at home not to mention giving us our allowance.. i think with the use of one hand i can count the number of times that he gave us money... and i only remember him bringing a lady home for a mahjong session only later to let us realise that he is having an affair with her... hold on.. did i say that that lady is an OLD lady?
maybe it is because of my dad that i never like the idea of coming home when i was young.. i like it at my nanny's house...
then come when we grow older... when i was only secondary one.. like i say... i dont like changes and that started since then... i never like the idea of hanging out with my secondary friends until quite late of the year... so do you think that i will have made my way to Jurong Point when i was just secondary one?
he questioned me... asked me why i went there... my cousin say she spotted me there... she have no idea what trouble she got me into when she said that...my cousins, or rather, other people's kids are always the good kids and the girl typing this here is the bad and naughty one...
he did not believe me... i am like that... i hate being wronged.. so i think that is the first time that i talked back to him... and i got a serious whacking for that...
up till now... i bet he still believe what my cousin said back then...
he still believe that other people's kids are better..
he gave me a slap across my face that sent me flying off my chair before... and he gave me whackings that no one can imagine... belt... canes... he stuffed chilli down my throat before too...
all these beatings that i have when i was young made me immuned to the beatings with one cane... at that point of time, one cane just have no effect... cause i am just so used to being beaten up by 3...
after every beating... every quarrel... he will come into my room to apologise when i tried to cry myself to bed... telling me why and how sorry he is for what he had done... i admit i am at fault at times but not all the time...
when i was young, i am just so used to all those fighting things that goes on outside and get brought back home... not only the fight between him and my poor mother, but also the fight he had with my cousin...
i can say my cousin deserve it since he is really a rubbish in the family.. but i do not think it is appropriate to bring that home right?
police came and the 3 of us are crying... we were young then... dont know how to react...
all these dispute and fight can last till late nights and i still have to get to school the next day...
that was most probably the past... i dare not say that things remained the same even now.. cause somethings did took a change for the better...
maybe because he was a gangster in the past... that is why he is so scare that his daughter will turn out to be some ah lian or something.. so he is always saying nasty things that make me sound so cheap... cause he will just assume that i will go out and do stupid things will idiot guys and get myself into some trouble... and that is the reason why i choose to tell my mother everything that is going on in my life now including whatever that is happening to me and around me...i think she needs assurance and she deserve to know them...
just sometime this year, my mother came to realise the existance of another girl in his life... even now.. i believe she is still there... in fact.. i think the whole family know that she is there just that no one choose to say anything about it... we all wanted peace after what happened a few months ago...
there is this huge argument... my mother called up my dad's boss only to realise that my father is not bringing money home because he spend them all and not like what he claimed.. he claimed that his boss is not giving him any... the whole thing exploded... not that much trust that my dad's boss is giving him and my nanny came over that night...
she came to try to solve the dispute and try to bring me away... i was crying like dont know what happened and i bet she is just afraid that i will do something silly... i stayed on and that is the worst period in my life so far that i can remember...
i cant deny the fact that he did bring us on holidays for 2 of my december holidays... but that only happens when he struck lottery... when was the last time we have holiday together as a whole family...
he had those bad things and hardly any good ones... he drink he smoke and it think his drinking is the source of all troubles... he can attempt to commit suicide when he is drunk... i experienced that twice and it is definitely not something nice... cause i do have fear for losing him... so i have to force my crying eyes to remain open to see that he dont do stupid things...
he is always doubtful of people and i think that is in the genes.. that may be the reason that cause me to be so paranoia...
i never blamed my mtoher for giving me a father like him... instead i blame myself for the existance in this world... cause without us, my mother could jolly well leave him and find the happiness she deserved...
i maybe very pessimistic but i never thought of death except when my dad and mother quarrel.. cause when that happen you will just wish that you are not there... cause if i am not there... my mother can just pack and leave... and i feel lost cause i just dont know what to do... my mother can actually attempt suicide when they quarrel... i witnessed her attempt once... he pulled her back...
peace never last long at home... there is just something going on now and my dad simply love locking himself up in his room... smoking... that stinks up the whole room...
so i suppose that is the story of my dad...
i have never written something like this...
i am not sad... i am just wondering why and how to make things better...
~*i still give him the respect that he deserve*~
~*i still greet him whenever he come home*~
~*although no one else in the house is doing that*~
~*hoping that he will change*~
~*hoping that he will learn*~
.::Rarr::.
~*i just woke up*~
~*OOPS*~
haha...i am so tired recently... so i think i will go back and sleep after this...
tomorrow should i go out? it seems like a super short day...
anyway... my day dont seem to start out happily today... i seriously cannot stand guys who are not gentleman... rarr...
this happy morning... i went to school... reach the table only to find my friends not there... only got some other people.. from my class...so yah... my classmates...
then when the bell rings. i have to lung everything to the track for morning assmebly by myself... not alot la hor... plus my bag... 4 bags and 2 files la... very little only...
dont know where are their brains...sorry...i am angry and if you happen to see this entry, i also dont care...
rarr
i was still waiting...maybe they will help... but happily the 2 guys and one girl just walked off.. i remember walking pass them when i struggled my way to the track... still dont offer to help... i think i know why your 2 would not help.. the size la... i understand i understand... rarr... CRAP...
please lor... use your eyes see also know i am struggling... i dont want to ask for anything from my current classmates... i mean those that i am NOT CLOSE WITH... rarr... ask them help with something seems to be able to kill them or something...
maybe that is the reason why i am so so quiet in class most of the time... cause i dont really find any topic to talk to people who are so so gentleman... rarr...
oops...i just ranted and complain.. haha... i dont care... haha... i am not an angel... i also get fed up at times ok... let me emphasize!!! I HAVE YET TO LOSE MY TEMPER IN SCHOOL...!
that is something quite amazing..i learn how to ren and i think i am so so cool.. bleah.. praising myself... haha...
oh ya... yihui is back today!!!but still no one to stonewith me... rarr... nevermind...haha...
nevermind... lets move on... another topic... MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA!!!
did i say the book was cool? i missed the movie..i did not go and see...
'We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course'
i got that from the book... and i think it seems quite cool huh... haha...
last night something stupid happened and i hate that something stupid... rarr...
my msn messenger decide to die on me... so clever me have to uninstall noton antivirus 2006 and msn and reinstall both... i hate this... and even IMVU is not working... sobs...
got people say i stupid huh... ok fine... abit la... seems like yesterday is not something to do with my computer... it is something wrong with the service... but it is STABLE AND RUNNING leh... haha...whatever... just happy that i can pop online now...
oh no... baby keep barking away...so sensitive now... dont know what is wrong with her... she needs to go out for a walk... haha... maybe tomorrow? haha...
so many people asked me how to get to sajc this few days huh... take bus.. or take train...
bus... 985,966,857,8,154,151,142... oh...i not sure about 31 and 21... so many bus that i cannot remember... these buses will end up at the side gate...the one nearer to the kids school... along PIE...
if not... take bus from Toa PaYoh... if not walk from potong pasir MRT... haha...
should i go suntec this friday? or should i go Plaza singapore to stock on things for dreamcatcher? haha
oh.. .did i mention that the 7 jie mei rocks? haha... thank you all for being there...
C=
though most of them never ask why i am feeling down.. but i know they care... all the stupid jokes nad fun i class.. makes teacher blood boils.. muahahahah...
i am a bad girl.. rar... haha... d=
i can tell you...i am still trying... thank you for telling me what you want at times...
i know the reason why... C=
~*thank you all for everything*~
~*OOPS*~
haha...i am so tired recently... so i think i will go back and sleep after this...
tomorrow should i go out? it seems like a super short day...
anyway... my day dont seem to start out happily today... i seriously cannot stand guys who are not gentleman... rarr...
this happy morning... i went to school... reach the table only to find my friends not there... only got some other people.. from my class...so yah... my classmates...
then when the bell rings. i have to lung everything to the track for morning assmebly by myself... not alot la hor... plus my bag... 4 bags and 2 files la... very little only...
dont know where are their brains...sorry...i am angry and if you happen to see this entry, i also dont care...
rarr
i was still waiting...maybe they will help... but happily the 2 guys and one girl just walked off.. i remember walking pass them when i struggled my way to the track... still dont offer to help... i think i know why your 2 would not help.. the size la... i understand i understand... rarr... CRAP...
please lor... use your eyes see also know i am struggling... i dont want to ask for anything from my current classmates... i mean those that i am NOT CLOSE WITH... rarr... ask them help with something seems to be able to kill them or something...
maybe that is the reason why i am so so quiet in class most of the time... cause i dont really find any topic to talk to people who are so so gentleman... rarr...
oops...i just ranted and complain.. haha... i dont care... haha... i am not an angel... i also get fed up at times ok... let me emphasize!!! I HAVE YET TO LOSE MY TEMPER IN SCHOOL...!
that is something quite amazing..i learn how to ren and i think i am so so cool.. bleah.. praising myself... haha...
oh ya... yihui is back today!!!but still no one to stonewith me... rarr... nevermind...haha...
nevermind... lets move on... another topic... MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA!!!
did i say the book was cool? i missed the movie..i did not go and see...
'We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course'
i got that from the book... and i think it seems quite cool huh... haha...
last night something stupid happened and i hate that something stupid... rarr...
my msn messenger decide to die on me... so clever me have to uninstall noton antivirus 2006 and msn and reinstall both... i hate this... and even IMVU is not working... sobs...
got people say i stupid huh... ok fine... abit la... seems like yesterday is not something to do with my computer... it is something wrong with the service... but it is STABLE AND RUNNING leh... haha...whatever... just happy that i can pop online now...
oh no... baby keep barking away...so sensitive now... dont know what is wrong with her... she needs to go out for a walk... haha... maybe tomorrow? haha...
so many people asked me how to get to sajc this few days huh... take bus.. or take train...
bus... 985,966,857,8,154,151,142... oh...i not sure about 31 and 21... so many bus that i cannot remember... these buses will end up at the side gate...the one nearer to the kids school... along PIE...
if not... take bus from Toa PaYoh... if not walk from potong pasir MRT... haha...
should i go suntec this friday? or should i go Plaza singapore to stock on things for dreamcatcher? haha
oh.. .did i mention that the 7 jie mei rocks? haha... thank you all for being there...
C=
though most of them never ask why i am feeling down.. but i know they care... all the stupid jokes nad fun i class.. makes teacher blood boils.. muahahahah...
i am a bad girl.. rar... haha... d=
i can tell you...i am still trying... thank you for telling me what you want at times...
i know the reason why... C=
~*thank you all for everything*~
.::whatever it is::.
i have a conclusion... or rather...i think i still should make myself clear...
i am still happy... C=
i am still happy... C=
.::hmm::.
let time solve your problem... i can only hope that you will be ok soon...
sometimes i am thinking... if only... hmm... nevermind...
if those words no longer mean anything
if those words are said only for the sake of saying
if those words are just something that can make others happy
i rather i do not hear them
but i meant what i said
and i still want more of those words from you
i hope when things come to an end... the thing that is binding us is no longer just a promise... thank you for the time...
i realise it hurts to hear that song... i want to know why... i also want to know how... but the song really hurts... i am not the one feeling the pain... it is you...
i want to know why you have to go through all these...
i realise this is the second time that i am handling something like that... but i know i dont mind... when the feeling is there... you will realise that nothing else matters... but whatever that i have thought through... i have really thought through...
everything is ok with me unless you mind...cause i know i would not mind and i think i can give you all the trust that you want and you need... but i need the chance and choice in return...
i am thinking.. if i let things remain as a joke... will i not worry so much now?
~*you will be ok*~
Monday, May 22, 2006
.::Hmmm::.
~*hmm...*~
i dont know what i am thinking... this morning do not seem to be a happy morning... i get frusrated over the usual slow walking speed of my friends... but despite that i did not say anything... i just make my way to class without them...
then come maths test result... suppose to be something happy cause i managed to pass another test!!! but... after a while... i get real down again... dont ask me why... cause i dont think i know why...
then come to lecture... the chemistry lecture.. the only thing that i know was tired... maybe i should not have slept so late last night... but i know i cant sleep last night...
then after that was a small break... i took out the ch0colate and started eating again... haven replenish stock...oh no... who will be a kind soul and buy me chocolate?
haha...anyway...i stayed awake during math lecture due to all the copying... i felt better then...
then had biology lecture... i kind of miss yihui... if yihui is there, there will be someone to stone with me...
but anyway...towards the end of the day, things got alot better for me... i felt better...alot better... then after biology was a small break and i ate the mixed rice which is not very nice huh... rarr...
nice rice... but choa dah curry sauce... YUCKS...
then after that all the suaning start and i went on for chemistry tutorial... 1.45!!! the last lesson of the day!!! hmm...
then dont know why i started feeling down again...
anyway...was high during chem and after finish blogging i will be going to do chemistry... not that i like chemistry ok...
then this wednesday!!! end early... tuesday... i let myself end early... or should i go out? hmmm... iz the last week of school lor...
Da Vinci code haven watch... should i go this friday with them? hmm...
oh ya... during chem tutorial, someone clever called me... and since i am sitting at the last row and i dont really care about that teacher... so i picked up the call.. oops.. bad girl... haha...
someone clever called me to ask me how long is the 985 bus trip from dont know where to cck..s i assume is kallang... so ya... 45 minutes bah... hmm...my phone got problem so what i hear was very soft... but i think i heard someone's name huh...
aiya...whatever la...
oh no... my bed...rarr.. my sis slept on it without bathing and anything...rarr... nevermind... i ren...
oh ya.. holiday coming!! rarr... happy... four weeks!!! go out ok? but have to study...so.. have to control and set a certain restriction.. but i dont mind going out to study...haha... hmm... MAC again? haha... oops C=
oh ya... i sort of la dao my leg yesterday... rarr.. pain... haha.. but not very pain...
haha... what am i feeling now? i dont know... unsure bah...haha...
maybe i should include my feelings at the end of all my entries... haha...
~*unsure*~
~*trying to read the signs*~
i dont know what i am thinking... this morning do not seem to be a happy morning... i get frusrated over the usual slow walking speed of my friends... but despite that i did not say anything... i just make my way to class without them...
then come maths test result... suppose to be something happy cause i managed to pass another test!!! but... after a while... i get real down again... dont ask me why... cause i dont think i know why...
then come to lecture... the chemistry lecture.. the only thing that i know was tired... maybe i should not have slept so late last night... but i know i cant sleep last night...
then after that was a small break... i took out the ch0colate and started eating again... haven replenish stock...oh no... who will be a kind soul and buy me chocolate?
haha...anyway...i stayed awake during math lecture due to all the copying... i felt better then...
then had biology lecture... i kind of miss yihui... if yihui is there, there will be someone to stone with me...
but anyway...towards the end of the day, things got alot better for me... i felt better...alot better... then after biology was a small break and i ate the mixed rice which is not very nice huh... rarr...
nice rice... but choa dah curry sauce... YUCKS...
then after that all the suaning start and i went on for chemistry tutorial... 1.45!!! the last lesson of the day!!! hmm...
then dont know why i started feeling down again...
anyway...was high during chem and after finish blogging i will be going to do chemistry... not that i like chemistry ok...
then this wednesday!!! end early... tuesday... i let myself end early... or should i go out? hmmm... iz the last week of school lor...
Da Vinci code haven watch... should i go this friday with them? hmm...
oh ya... during chem tutorial, someone clever called me... and since i am sitting at the last row and i dont really care about that teacher... so i picked up the call.. oops.. bad girl... haha...
someone clever called me to ask me how long is the 985 bus trip from dont know where to cck..s i assume is kallang... so ya... 45 minutes bah... hmm...my phone got problem so what i hear was very soft... but i think i heard someone's name huh...
aiya...whatever la...
oh no... my bed...rarr.. my sis slept on it without bathing and anything...rarr... nevermind... i ren...
oh ya.. holiday coming!! rarr... happy... four weeks!!! go out ok? but have to study...so.. have to control and set a certain restriction.. but i dont mind going out to study...haha... hmm... MAC again? haha... oops C=
oh ya... i sort of la dao my leg yesterday... rarr.. pain... haha.. but not very pain...
haha... what am i feeling now? i dont know... unsure bah...haha...
maybe i should include my feelings at the end of all my entries... haha...
~*unsure*~
~*trying to read the signs*~
.::Hmmm...::.
~*the longest ever walk home*~
hmm...i strolled around for an hour plus on that faithful sunday night...never tried that before...
i never feel that before too... i dont know... i cant find anything to describe my feelings now...
ok... i only know i cant go home with that look on my face... why? let her ask more? or let her chase me to go study?
i dont know...i only know that there is this dispute going on at home...which i dont know is good or bad... and i dont know when it will end... peace never last longer than 1 month at home...
there will always be time when he will start throwing his temper around like some little kids...
i am used to it...so ok bah...
actually... i realise that i have never done something like that before... but i think the things going on this time round is different...
time... time will tell the answer... but will you give time a chance? haha...ok... you are giving time a chance now... thankyou... C=
something real bad happened... my poor handphone... dying from excessive sms ing on sunday night... not that incident...but after that when some people sms me and i get real shocked... cause i did not expect that... but... anyway...
ok la... i know i am real slacked...but i heard a real happy thing...which also make me real stressed... i am now thinking what i should wear le lor... oh no...haha...
i have never done anything like this in my life before... oh my god... people do change...
~*tomorrow will be a better day*~
~*i am tired..*~
finally i get to use the computer lor...rarr haha
hmm...i strolled around for an hour plus on that faithful sunday night...never tried that before...
i never feel that before too... i dont know... i cant find anything to describe my feelings now...
ok... i only know i cant go home with that look on my face... why? let her ask more? or let her chase me to go study?
i dont know...i only know that there is this dispute going on at home...which i dont know is good or bad... and i dont know when it will end... peace never last longer than 1 month at home...
there will always be time when he will start throwing his temper around like some little kids...
i am used to it...so ok bah...
actually... i realise that i have never done something like that before... but i think the things going on this time round is different...
time... time will tell the answer... but will you give time a chance? haha...ok... you are giving time a chance now... thankyou... C=
something real bad happened... my poor handphone... dying from excessive sms ing on sunday night... not that incident...but after that when some people sms me and i get real shocked... cause i did not expect that... but... anyway...
ok la... i know i am real slacked...but i heard a real happy thing...which also make me real stressed... i am now thinking what i should wear le lor... oh no...haha...
i have never done anything like this in my life before... oh my god... people do change...
~*tomorrow will be a better day*~
~*i am tired..*~
finally i get to use the computer lor...rarr haha
Sunday, May 21, 2006
.::PAIN::.
~*pain is the only thing that i feeling now*~
haha...not emotionally or mentally or whatever...just physically...my eyes pain... so pain...rarr.. ok la...not so pain...but feels weird...real weird...
hmm...i will not cry... haha... i will only tear...sobs...
anyway...these few days really very slack..i shall not comment on where i went...if not later people will murder me...
so...today...yes..i went to a BBQ...haha... which i only sat there and do nothing most of the time
that is what i always do... take care of things...haha..i dont mind... as long as they happy...but sometimes really very gek... really like bringing some kids out like that LOR..haha...
i did go crazy with them ok...haha..i did...
haha...
exams coming...i have my schedule le... haix...
but i really hope that everything will turn out well...
things are going the right way in my life recently..i mean... she should be ok le... from what i conclude...
i screamed after she called me...haha...so happy can?
haha...
i really dont know what will happen between them...i seriously think he should let his parent know...but anyway...it is his choice... and i hope that things will be ok between them...
i think she is just another strong person...another brave soul.. no matter how depressed or sad she is...she is still trying to help as a friend... she earned my respects... C=
great...
oh no... my eye really hurts...
haha... everything now is enough... i am happy... C=
~*THANK YOU*~
~* C= *~
haha...not emotionally or mentally or whatever...just physically...my eyes pain... so pain...rarr.. ok la...not so pain...but feels weird...real weird...
hmm...i will not cry... haha... i will only tear...sobs...
anyway...these few days really very slack..i shall not comment on where i went...if not later people will murder me...
so...today...yes..i went to a BBQ...haha... which i only sat there and do nothing most of the time
that is what i always do... take care of things...haha..i dont mind... as long as they happy...but sometimes really very gek... really like bringing some kids out like that LOR..haha...
i did go crazy with them ok...haha..i did...
haha...
exams coming...i have my schedule le... haix...
but i really hope that everything will turn out well...
things are going the right way in my life recently..i mean... she should be ok le... from what i conclude...
i screamed after she called me...haha...so happy can?
haha...
i really dont know what will happen between them...i seriously think he should let his parent know...but anyway...it is his choice... and i hope that things will be ok between them...
i think she is just another strong person...another brave soul.. no matter how depressed or sad she is...she is still trying to help as a friend... she earned my respects... C=
great...
oh no... my eye really hurts...
haha... everything now is enough... i am happy... C=
~*THANK YOU*~
~* C= *~
Friday, May 19, 2006
.::what happened?::.
~*Everything was fine*~
~*The sun still shine*~
~*UNTIL....!*~
everything was ok today...besides the fact that i am abit too tired... ok...everything was FINE...until i had problem opening the game... rarr
as usual... when the blog that i am trying to visit is loading, i will suddenly feel so bored for that split second and i will just move my mouse cursor over to the start menu which in my case is on the top right hand side...
the click on the start menu will send me a long list of icons and things and there on the top, the third from the top has my favourite game... SPIDER SOLITAIRE(SS)!!!
happily...i clicked on it... expecting something to pop up as usual.. then i will select the easiest game...but oh no... something went wrong today!!!
something pop up...but it is not what i want!!!
Missing shortcut...okok... then i let it search...thankfully something come out...if not i will collaspe on the spot.... anyway...
ya...i am feeling super tired now... i feel like sleeping.. i miss my bed...muahaha... so... i think i will go to bed after 3 wins of SPIDER SOLITAIRE!!!
oh no..tomorrow winston's BBQ...hao lian pi myself asked to tagged along somehow..oops...
hope i dont get depressed tomorrow...i always get depressed when i go west coast park... d=
~*i know i wouldn't*~
~*haaha... i have got SS!!!*~
~* C= *~
~*The sun still shine*~
~*UNTIL....!*~
everything was ok today...besides the fact that i am abit too tired... ok...everything was FINE...until i had problem opening the game... rarr
as usual... when the blog that i am trying to visit is loading, i will suddenly feel so bored for that split second and i will just move my mouse cursor over to the start menu which in my case is on the top right hand side...
the click on the start menu will send me a long list of icons and things and there on the top, the third from the top has my favourite game... SPIDER SOLITAIRE(SS)!!!
happily...i clicked on it... expecting something to pop up as usual.. then i will select the easiest game...but oh no... something went wrong today!!!
something pop up...but it is not what i want!!!
Missing shortcut...okok... then i let it search...thankfully something come out...if not i will collaspe on the spot.... anyway...
ya...i am feeling super tired now... i feel like sleeping.. i miss my bed...muahaha... so... i think i will go to bed after 3 wins of SPIDER SOLITAIRE!!!
oh no..tomorrow winston's BBQ...hao lian pi myself asked to tagged along somehow..oops...
hope i dont get depressed tomorrow...i always get depressed when i go west coast park... d=
~*i know i wouldn't*~
~*haaha... i have got SS!!!*~
~* C= *~
Thursday, May 18, 2006
.::How strong is the will?::.
~*how much longer?*~
~*how much more?*~
how strong is my will in handling these things? i dont have a single idea when iwill just let go... cause it is just so tempting to not care anything... so easy to let go... or rather so easy to appear that i let go...
the struggle and everything... how tempting it is to hide myself in my own shell but i know i cant... i have a mother who is constantly there to remind me how wonderful the world will be if i let go and start to do all my own things...
how wonderful a mother i have...
cant blame her... i think she knows me well...
i bet she is also tired of coming home and not seeing a smile on her daughter's face... that is me... i dont know how to be ok or how to be normal infront of families and loved ones...
either i appear to be extremely happy or i will just get extremely sad...but the aftermath is never something good...
cause for whatever that happen, there will be an opposition... i will start to get darn moody after that...
not that i dont want to let her know what i am thinking...but will she understand? nothing is more important than me getting prepared for exams... and again...cannot blame her for that...
ya... it is a nice question... how strong is my will to hold on? i dont know... maybe one day i will just get tired of everything and i will just put a stop to everything... since she had done it before...i dont think i cant... so ya...
hmm... i need hello panda~!!! some kind soul buy for me? muahaha...
hmm... should i or should i not... whatever...i got a stupid person who is not replying my message... so cool right.. how to make a decision when i dont even know who is going? oh great...he gave me a reply... 'nite' so cool right? whatever...
hmm... something cool?embarrassin happened in my parents room... hmm...haha
hmm... someone came home with a camera... it is so heated up and it is so warm and it is spoiled...haha...oops.. nevermind... not my papa buy one... d=
hmm... i hope that nothing will go wrong... and i think it is really time to control my emotions...so...haha...i am trying... really...
hmm... i hope everything said is true and will be true... and just what is going on?
sorry...currently i am pissed by some clever people's reply..so yah...rarr...
or should i not go? hmmm...
~*sorry*~
~* C= *~
~*how much more?*~
how strong is my will in handling these things? i dont have a single idea when iwill just let go... cause it is just so tempting to not care anything... so easy to let go... or rather so easy to appear that i let go...
the struggle and everything... how tempting it is to hide myself in my own shell but i know i cant... i have a mother who is constantly there to remind me how wonderful the world will be if i let go and start to do all my own things...
how wonderful a mother i have...
cant blame her... i think she knows me well...
i bet she is also tired of coming home and not seeing a smile on her daughter's face... that is me... i dont know how to be ok or how to be normal infront of families and loved ones...
either i appear to be extremely happy or i will just get extremely sad...but the aftermath is never something good...
cause for whatever that happen, there will be an opposition... i will start to get darn moody after that...
not that i dont want to let her know what i am thinking...but will she understand? nothing is more important than me getting prepared for exams... and again...cannot blame her for that...
ya... it is a nice question... how strong is my will to hold on? i dont know... maybe one day i will just get tired of everything and i will just put a stop to everything... since she had done it before...i dont think i cant... so ya...
hmm... i need hello panda~!!! some kind soul buy for me? muahaha...
hmm... should i or should i not... whatever...i got a stupid person who is not replying my message... so cool right.. how to make a decision when i dont even know who is going? oh great...he gave me a reply... 'nite' so cool right? whatever...
hmm... something cool?embarrassin happened in my parents room... hmm...haha
hmm... someone came home with a camera... it is so heated up and it is so warm and it is spoiled...haha...oops.. nevermind... not my papa buy one... d=
hmm... i hope that nothing will go wrong... and i think it is really time to control my emotions...so...haha...i am trying... really...
hmm... i hope everything said is true and will be true... and just what is going on?
sorry...currently i am pissed by some clever people's reply..so yah...rarr...
or should i not go? hmmm...
~*sorry*~
~* C= *~
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
.::i think i need assurance::.
~*how i wish time pass faster*~
~*i want to know the truth for EVERYTHING*~
~*i need reassurance please*~
yah...those are the few things that i am thinking now...i think i need my bed for a while... haix...why am i so tired?
i wish that i know...yah...so... i think i need reassurance before i start thinking stupidly again...and i really, seriously hope that time will pass faster... i need answer... answers for EVERYTHING....
anyway... yah... thank you again for whatever you said... not what you said that make me cry...but just all those that are going through my mind... i was crying even before i talked to you...
hmm...i think i am not going to school on FRIDAY!!! i want to go out...i want to go to that cafe in Yishun... so anyone interested?
hmm...i scare i lost my way...hahas... d=
my ankle...something seems not very right again... i hope it will be ok... i can run le!!! so... should be ok... so i run and then when i was on my way home...hmm...my knee pain?! so... ooops lor... haha...
anyway... i seriously need reassurance... i dont have a single idea how to voice out what i am thinking... but i know it will be difficult... that is something that i always have problems with... yes.. communications...
so..yah... things will be ok... C=
~*yah... i hope*~
~*i want to know the truth for EVERYTHING*~
~*i need reassurance please*~
yah...those are the few things that i am thinking now...i think i need my bed for a while... haix...why am i so tired?
i wish that i know...yah...so... i think i need reassurance before i start thinking stupidly again...and i really, seriously hope that time will pass faster... i need answer... answers for EVERYTHING....
anyway... yah... thank you again for whatever you said... not what you said that make me cry...but just all those that are going through my mind... i was crying even before i talked to you...
hmm...i think i am not going to school on FRIDAY!!! i want to go out...i want to go to that cafe in Yishun... so anyone interested?
hmm...i scare i lost my way...hahas... d=
my ankle...something seems not very right again... i hope it will be ok... i can run le!!! so... should be ok... so i run and then when i was on my way home...hmm...my knee pain?! so... ooops lor... haha...
anyway... i seriously need reassurance... i dont have a single idea how to voice out what i am thinking... but i know it will be difficult... that is something that i always have problems with... yes.. communications...
so..yah... things will be ok... C=
~*yah... i hope*~
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
.::I have to be ok::.
~*i realise and i think i know*~
there is nothing i can do except wait now right? so ya...that is just what i am going to do... there is nothing that i can do...
i have a mother who kept finding every opportunity to force me to shed this thing off my shoulder...but NO!!! i think i have to handle this...
i seriously have the urge to tell him... i am now the only one near the party... i fear that by the time something happened and i choose to tell him, it will be way too late... but i know i cannot tell him...anyway...tell him also no use right?
so..yah...wait lor... what else can i do?
dont ask me whether i am ok or not...i dont dare to go online now... so here i am posting and back to work...homework and my chemistry test tomorrow... i hope everything will be ok...
i am praying every morning though i dont really believe in God but i know God is somehow another source for me to find a peace of mind...besides cooping myself up and hidding in my own shell...
today is suppose to be an ok day...until... then got some clever people called me...ask me how to nagvigate the blog...so clever right?
then...yah...things happened... and...
Thank You for being there...i know you dont know what to say... that is normal...cause there is no solution to this thing...
i hope time pass faster... i need an answer now... i have no idea how things are going on and being processed by her...
i almost broke down and cry when i was cutting up the vegetables for dinner... but i know things will be ok... soon... it will be...
can i tell him? haiz...i know i cant...who am i to decide for him to know? so...her choice to let him know or not...
i seriously need to go out... i am thinking of a place... maybe that is just where i will go tomorrow? but it seems abit too far...yishun...there is this nice place to study... maybe can get free drinks also?... i think i need to go out...before silly things get into my brain again...
so anyone want to go out? rarr...
and PLEASE!!! DARYL CHAN XIANG XING... stop telling me silly stuff before the next time i call you a xing xing... cause i am starting to think that you look like one... muahaha
haix...
~*i can only be ok*~
~*so that is just what i will be*~
~* C= *~
there is nothing i can do except wait now right? so ya...that is just what i am going to do... there is nothing that i can do...
i have a mother who kept finding every opportunity to force me to shed this thing off my shoulder...but NO!!! i think i have to handle this...
i seriously have the urge to tell him... i am now the only one near the party... i fear that by the time something happened and i choose to tell him, it will be way too late... but i know i cannot tell him...anyway...tell him also no use right?
so..yah...wait lor... what else can i do?
dont ask me whether i am ok or not...i dont dare to go online now... so here i am posting and back to work...homework and my chemistry test tomorrow... i hope everything will be ok...
i am praying every morning though i dont really believe in God but i know God is somehow another source for me to find a peace of mind...besides cooping myself up and hidding in my own shell...
today is suppose to be an ok day...until... then got some clever people called me...ask me how to nagvigate the blog...so clever right?
then...yah...things happened... and...
Thank You for being there...i know you dont know what to say... that is normal...cause there is no solution to this thing...
i hope time pass faster... i need an answer now... i have no idea how things are going on and being processed by her...
i almost broke down and cry when i was cutting up the vegetables for dinner... but i know things will be ok... soon... it will be...
can i tell him? haiz...i know i cant...who am i to decide for him to know? so...her choice to let him know or not...
i seriously need to go out... i am thinking of a place... maybe that is just where i will go tomorrow? but it seems abit too far...yishun...there is this nice place to study... maybe can get free drinks also?... i think i need to go out...before silly things get into my brain again...
so anyone want to go out? rarr...
and PLEASE!!! DARYL CHAN XIANG XING... stop telling me silly stuff before the next time i call you a xing xing... cause i am starting to think that you look like one... muahaha
haix...
~*i can only be ok*~
~*so that is just what i will be*~
~* C= *~
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