Useless

No one ever taught me that we have to take different role, take different approach when it comes to handling certain people. Nobody taught me that I cant do the same things as you do and I have to speak to them in another way.

But things doesnt help when I have such a bad morning and the next moment, that person came to me. I tell myself I will talk to her nicely but all she does was just 'shout' at me. You will only understand when you sit there.

I wonder why am I allowing myself to go through all those when the person sitting infront of me is just a supplier? But I know that I can never get that same price else where. So after putting up, I cry. Stupid and useless but thats about it.

How...

No one teach me and the next time I am just being labelled as being weird.

坚强

今天有人告诉我，我要坚强，不可以有半点垮下的现象。这样我才能勇敢，才能配的上。 可是我可以不要勇敢了吗？因为我怕。我怕当我学会了，我还是会一个人。原来，要选择离开比什么都来的困难。可是，也忘了，曾几何时，沉默变成了我们的沟通方式。

The Irreplaceable One

Do you believe that there is always this irreplaceable one in your life, with an attachment that is irreplaceable?

I was once told that, and I once believed in that. The inability to imagine life without someone might be the reason that made me believe in it then.

But over the days, I realised that this kind of bond or attachment might have the chance of being replaced.

I remembered those days when everything seems right and now, desperately trying to find out what is wrong and putting everything back into place, hoping that I will have enough time for all of that to happen.

I remembered how it felt to be afraid of someone, frightened by the fact that I am going out with that person. How the moment we meet up, the moment we start to talk, I am like giving all sorts of information, like 交待-ing. It was so pretty obvious to the one listening but not to me, only at the end of the whole conversation did I realise what I have been doing and it felt like a total embarrassment.

I remembered how I will make sure that I have something in my hand or I tucked my hand somewhere that couldn’t be reached. How I stand far on the other side of the lift on the way up. How I always hope that I will not meet any red light that I have to stop or any long red light.

But then some things are just meant to be. On a day that was so important to someone, I probably made it the worst day ever. Compared to whatever fear I felt with another person, the idea of living with someone else who I cannot comprehend was so much worse. It was once comfortable but when it is not, and I start to compare when we are not alone but with other people, I decided that this wasn’t what I want. Not the kind of event I will like to turn up in, not the kind of people that I can imagine myself hanging out with, not the kind of situation I will like to put myself into, not the kind of feeling that I wanted myself to be in. I don’t want to be with a group of people, older than me but not in thinking wise. It makes feel that I am moving back instead of forward.

There was no love then I suppose. The painful truth there and then was that. There might be once feelings of thrill and crush that teenagers have but not love, for either one, at that moment.

It might be just something for my lonely soul then. But things didn’t go well when things start to drain energy away. Maybe going back to something familiar then was the better alternative. Like the saying goes, it is always better to be with someone who loves you more than you love him.

Something just made me realised the fact that then, whatever choice I made was just the best of the two alternatives. And yes, with time, love can blossom. But by then, everything seems too late.

先入为主

先入为主。
1. 以为先接受的思想或形成的印象是正确的,不容易再听取不同的意见。即怀有成见


I supposed that was what happened over the phone on Monday night.

The opposites

Opposites do attract.

I once thought that lying next to someone I love is warm, but turns out it is not how I thought it will be.
I was once glad that I found warmth. Once. I really mean physically.

And with expectation, comes disappointment. I should be immuned to them by now. Should be, I have to be.

And the dream on Monday night, I rather I didnt dream. Because waking up to nothing, is the worst situation anyone can be in. At least I didnt dream last night, though I had the urge to go over every night.

Wake up!

Something brewing...

Something is in the process

Bad Day

A rainy morning, a bad jam, a bad drive to work, and to realise that the computer doesnt have sound, and needs to reboot, to realising that the gold ring on my table is gone.

It is gold in colour but it doesnt mean it is real gold IDIOTS! Ungrateful bastards.

Super pissed. I am to blame for leaving it there but then again, why steal?!

And if I dont even have $10, why would I ask him to wait for me to be back. So what if that is all that I am left with? Blame it on shopping. Too much shopping. But that comment was totally unnecessary. Not like I like the fact that I am broke.

What a day...

What a day. I am feeling so warm now. Oh my...

Hmm. There was something that I wanted to blog about and I forgot about what it is all about. There is so many things that I go through my mind all day about what I should blog about but at the end of the day, I forgot all about it. Oh my.

But... hmm... so many things crossed my mind today. Doing so many things and all the time driving, so many time to think. Haha. so many things went pass my mind. Haha.

Shall go knit.

珍惜

人通常都要等到失去了才来紧张，才来后悔和想学如何珍惜。
这样的事实好痛好残酷。我还在学。但我已经开始害怕，怕这一切都太晚了。
我想在新年再去看焰火。这次，我们两个人就好。

A happy day

总的来说，昨晚是一个蛮开心的一晚。

And for now, I am sleepy. Is it true that I can no longer live without the car? Hmm. Or is it just another habit that one have to get rid of? hmm. Something to ponder over.

Shall try to study tonight. Hmm.

Should I stay in the office or should I go home and study?

Today is 七七情人节.

Sometimes, I just hope that I dont try so hard to be good and right all the time. I will remember that smile when I opened the violin. Should I call that a laugh? haha. That makes my day.

at night

At night, when all i see, he is just a tired man who needs some comfort and someone to make him feel better. And I suppose that's all that I can do. And maybe that's why I wanna be around at night. And that's the time that I love him the most. Because there is no more energy for anything else.

too desperate

I realise I'm desperately trying to be part of someone's life. So desperate that I end up looking like an idiot because the things I do are never relevant and never up to date because I am never informed. Fuck it. I should stop this shit

sleepyhead

Had lunch with the boyfriend, or rather he pei me eat. And now I'm sleepy. And the cough coming back. :(

IRRITATED!

FUCKING HELL!

It is so very crude but nothing can explain the feeling and the amount of frustration now other than that word or another way will be to kill myself to vent it.

Get me out of all these shit.

Totally ridiculous and horrendous and to top it all off, I have this TAMADE craving for macdonalds breakfast which I fail to realise that L is going to central. But I suppose it doesnt really matter cause he will never know I want to eat. ARGH. KILL ME PLEASE~!

dropped

I dropped a bead from the winnie casing. And the Winnie casing is cracking. :( I think it is the vibration of the car lor. :( And I drank a bottle of beer. Seh but feel good. My eyes pain pain. :(

To drive or not to drive

People envy that I can drive. That I can go places as and when I like. But I rather hope that I don't know how to drive. When you want to drive, no one send you home, no one send you up to your house, no one visit your house, and most importantly, no more talking opportunity to talk because you are hardly in the same car. So much time, but the things being talke about is even less than a friend met once a week I suppose. Shit. I want to read! :)

interesting picture

Saw this interesting picture from someone's blog... It is so true

How to say it out?

I felt ridiculous yesterday when I was trying to suggest to him about something. That fear that I had before I even asked. And after I asked, he sort of 'rejected' me, not seeming to know what I was trying to drive at... But I think it didnt really matter to him.

And waking up together, coming to work together, he is hungry, I should be too. and today is just another day that he didnt bother to ask. There are days that he asked.
The senerio below:
H: 'Shift your car to the back, let him park infront, becareful, got pipe behind'
M: 'Ok, like that enough for him to park?'
H: 'You move back somemore la'
M: 'But you say behind got pipe? -.-'
After all these, the other car doesnt want to shift. So H came back to the car, took his bag, with me still sitting in the driver seat, with the ignition on, leg still on the foot brake, and H was about to walk off.
M: 'So ok liao la?'
H: 'Ya'

What the hell? and he doesnt talk to me after that, but the next moment he is happily talking to someone else. Everyone else pissed him off now except her I suppose. Yes, please say it is jealousy, like I care. -.- Did I step on your tail?

Repeatedly trying to be good and nice, but the next morning, whatever that I did was plain shit.

I am just an easy target for you to vent your frustration. Admit it.

More blogging and twittering

I think I am blogging so super often that it makes it looks more like a twitter instead le.

Someone asked me... How can you stand.....?

I think it is love. Who asked why I was constantly unhappy? Hmm. Maybe the answer is...

And I am super hungry now la...