Thank God

I was facebooking and blog hopping around some of the few blogs that I always read. And as always, I will go facebook and check up on some people, usually people who were once in my life.

Reading information off blogs and looking at pictures on facebook, for one moment, I thank God for what I have now. I cannot imagine it being different.

Great that I am where I am now. :) Not some where else.

Steamboat later with L and his family! Maybe coffee with qg tonight. Maybe I should practice my Maths tutorial? :p

Classmates agree that lecturers should force us to finish up our maths tutorial and hand them in for grading! But they dont.

Back to work!

dream

I dreamt of the boyfriend a couple days back. It wasn't a bad dream like before. In the dream, the boyfriend held my hand and took me to somewhere that looks like esplanade. And he kissed me and everything else was good. And that day I had a dream. I dreamt of cockroach and i jumped off the bed in real life. And whatever that I dreamt recently made it difficult to fall asleep last night. I remembered that time when I didn't hold on to that pair of hands at the reservoir and how the songs bring back memories and how someone told me that there is one firefly. I'm missing everything badly

Amount of things to be done

Can I complain about the things that needs to be done on my list? Can I complain about the things to be taken care of here?

I am so F***ED up now. Feeling vexed.

I need to talk to people, but I guess every other one around me have just the exact same sentiments as me and are just as vex. A couple of them I suppose.

The first class that I skipped for this sem, how great. But it is the first week after all.

crazy

When she went down to ask for those stuff that she wanted, I was downstairs. And I remembered saying that I have those things that she need but I will nee to amend. But she never even acknowledge whatever that I said. This morning, people called and asked me for the things. Can I act blur and don't produce anything since no one told me anything? I should right! But I didn't. Two projects to clear and other stuff to clear

So whatever

First thing first, EVERYONE, ok, most people like to joke about the things I comment and maybe I should take pride in bringing Laughter.

But then, I do mind being joked by someone whom I know for less than 3 months! Hello~! WHO ARE YOU?!

And please, I dont mind it when you joke, but i mind when other non-related and not-involved people join in your fun.

Some things are just very subjective, like colour of the car that you had and all those. AND the impression that I had that most cars in THAT car park is black. Please go and count, BLACK confirm dominate.

And hello, so she know more about your car, more sensitive to colour, more sensitive to whatever that you said? The bloody truth? She have more time for them!

so stop acting like you know me very well, because you dont, we only know each other for less than 3 months. And stop talking like you told me before, because there is just so much that I know.

Dont sound like you told me

Please dont sound like you told me EVERYTHING, because you didnt. Just because sub-conciously you remembered you told someone, or to be more exact, you remembered you telling a girl, doesnt mean that person is ME, because it is not.

I didnt know of anything. I didnt know that you had physio, I didnt know that you dropped your car in the showroom and I didnt know that this morning you had training because you never tell me anything. So when I asked, please dont reply me in the I-told-you-already or how-come-you-dont-know tone.

steamboat

Had steamboat yesterday and it made me want to work harder! I want to increase my GPA. Feels difficult! Hmm Sometimes it is sad and angry to know about things of your boyfriend from other peoples mouth. But after that moment of anger, I realize that getting angry just because I want him to know that I mind. Getting angry all the time just because I want attention but I guess that it isn't going to work anyway. So no point getting angry and getting the attention because it doesn't really mean anything. Waiting to get into the plant and I'm hungry! Hmm. What should I have for dinner? Haha Starting school soon! Have to catch enough sleep so I don't sleep in class! This holiday is over in the wink of an eye. And please someone remind me that I have to apply for my GEM this Monday!

hmm.

This morning, a message came in. 3.955 GPA. hmm. It could have been better actually. But it is very good already.

Should I go? I asked myself. And then I decided to go. Then I asked, what time we going? Not going le...
HELLO! Can you all like at least inform me?! Felt so idiot.

Hmm. I want to knit, I want to read, I want to do cross stitch.

God have his way

So many things happened these days but everyone is still kept busy and the job is being spread out. Haha. God really have his way. (: bless my dear.

blog

Shall blog while waiting for the guys to come out. Hmm. Realise something recently. I suppose it is the level of maturity that matters. I can't be finding for those kind of teenage love out of what I have now. I should grow up! Someone is in India!

Something today

Something that happened today made me realise the need to be optimistic.

Whatever that happened the past week threw all the efforts down the drain. And today, nothing happened is the fact that made me realise that being optimistic is more important than anything.

so many things

There is always so many things to SMS. But the sad truth is, I never get long SMS. I hate short replies and I hate no replies before. But I changed. I changed to accept.

worse drive

That was the worse drive back. From office to lawrence house on a Saturday. I was so drowsy from the medicine. And I was so careful but everything seems so blur and so not true. Oh my.

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, someone once told me something to convince me that things are suppose to be the way he said it should be.

Today, it reminded me how I used to spend my weekends when he is not around. Saturday is suppose to be days spent on catching up on sleep. And weekdays are just so busy with classes after classes, night class and driving lesson.

I was so alone then that I turned back to JD, hoping that there is someone who can talk to me. I didnt admit that before to anyone. No one knew about this and I suppose it is really stupid then.

I needed someone around me. Today, I remembered how to spend my weekends. But I also remembered how someone once knew that I was lonely but yet I am alone now again.

It is nice to knit and finish things up. Oh no, I am hungry.

Am I making sense? You can be alone but not lonely. I am not lonely.

Someone

Family members think she is 'fake'. Not 'fake' in a bad way, but rather, she might not be as nice as she protray herself to be.

So what was she thinking when she sms me, telling me to remind my boyfriend to bring his passport? Why didnt she sms him directly? Was she trying to let me know that she know more about him, know more about his needs, or just plainly, want another person to remind him?

What puzzled me was, why cant she sms him directly and why didnt she want to sms him directly? maybe she really just wanted another person to remind him.

Sick again. another time in less than 2 months. Not pleasant. I slept the whole day yesterday at the boyfriend's house. A nice place to sleep. Quite and no disturbance.

It has been long

It has been a while since I last post. It is good, it just means that everything is fine. Whatever that occur here are hardly good stuff anyway, and I will hardly be in a pleasant mood when I start to post. And thats why I am here now.

I have work to do, but I am feeling plain lazy, knowing that even if I start, I cant finish it now, so might as well dont start. I shall do it over the weekend.

And it really take so much to stay happy, take so much to be ok about things, only to realise that deep down, there is still someone who affects you so so much.

I was browsing on facebook and I remembered another date, important date of my life. Okies, lets move on. Haas

I am sleepy and my eyes are uncomfortable. I suppose it is the eye liner. It irritates my eyes.

And once again, it is just me that is unsure about things and that doesnt require any assurance at all. Who am I afterall?

Sometimes, when the right feeling comes, nothing can be done to it right?

Useless

No one ever taught me that we have to take different role, take different approach when it comes to handling certain people. Nobody taught me that I cant do the same things as you do and I have to speak to them in another way.

But things doesnt help when I have such a bad morning and the next moment, that person came to me. I tell myself I will talk to her nicely but all she does was just 'shout' at me. You will only understand when you sit there.

I wonder why am I allowing myself to go through all those when the person sitting infront of me is just a supplier? But I know that I can never get that same price else where. So after putting up, I cry. Stupid and useless but thats about it.

How...

No one teach me and the next time I am just being labelled as being weird.

坚强

今天有人告诉我，我要坚强，不可以有半点垮下的现象。这样我才能勇敢，才能配的上。 可是我可以不要勇敢了吗？因为我怕。我怕当我学会了，我还是会一个人。原来，要选择离开比什么都来的困难。可是，也忘了，曾几何时，沉默变成了我们的沟通方式。

The Irreplaceable One

Do you believe that there is always this irreplaceable one in your life, with an attachment that is irreplaceable?

I was once told that, and I once believed in that. The inability to imagine life without someone might be the reason that made me believe in it then.

But over the days, I realised that this kind of bond or attachment might have the chance of being replaced.

I remembered those days when everything seems right and now, desperately trying to find out what is wrong and putting everything back into place, hoping that I will have enough time for all of that to happen.

I remembered how it felt to be afraid of someone, frightened by the fact that I am going out with that person. How the moment we meet up, the moment we start to talk, I am like giving all sorts of information, like 交待-ing. It was so pretty obvious to the one listening but not to me, only at the end of the whole conversation did I realise what I have been doing and it felt like a total embarrassment.

I remembered how I will make sure that I have something in my hand or I tucked my hand somewhere that couldn’t be reached. How I stand far on the other side of the lift on the way up. How I always hope that I will not meet any red light that I have to stop or any long red light.

But then some things are just meant to be. On a day that was so important to someone, I probably made it the worst day ever. Compared to whatever fear I felt with another person, the idea of living with someone else who I cannot comprehend was so much worse. It was once comfortable but when it is not, and I start to compare when we are not alone but with other people, I decided that this wasn’t what I want. Not the kind of event I will like to turn up in, not the kind of people that I can imagine myself hanging out with, not the kind of situation I will like to put myself into, not the kind of feeling that I wanted myself to be in. I don’t want to be with a group of people, older than me but not in thinking wise. It makes feel that I am moving back instead of forward.

There was no love then I suppose. The painful truth there and then was that. There might be once feelings of thrill and crush that teenagers have but not love, for either one, at that moment.

It might be just something for my lonely soul then. But things didn’t go well when things start to drain energy away. Maybe going back to something familiar then was the better alternative. Like the saying goes, it is always better to be with someone who loves you more than you love him.

Something just made me realised the fact that then, whatever choice I made was just the best of the two alternatives. And yes, with time, love can blossom. But by then, everything seems too late.