im tired

I feel that I have done alot of school work these days. Had some issues over money. I don't feel right anywhere. Or maybe in school. That's the happiest place now. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm not heard or u r just not paying attention to what I said. Sometimes I wonder whether is it only me who is not getting reply or just anyone else. I said the unit number is going smaller but u didn't hear or didn't believe and u went on to verify. I feel tired of doing well. Say I'm like my dad. I never see the need to save. I'm not doing enough but I'm giving up. Can I don't be good anymore? Did u see me trying to save money by wearing shoes and clothes that the others bought but don't wear? I can don't do that. Did u see that I'm helping out with housework when u r not around but the others aren't doing anything when they are the more free ones? Did u see me stop spending money on facial and pedicure? Did u see me stop buying shoes and not even getting myself a new wallet? What am I doing all these for when ultimately someone just tell me that I'm not doing enough? You never even ask how much more I owe my dentist. For the sake of the presents I'm even contemplating to not go to the dentist next month because I know I don't have enough. I'm not happy. What's the point? What's the point when I feel that no one is there? Maybe just one other person now but then again, no one will understand.

Sometime ago

Sometime ago I tweet, is it weird for me to be around or more weird for me to be not around.

I rather you just tell me that the car has no space, which I totally believe and totally agree to, than to tell me that it is weird for me to be around.

And now, if I dont ask, you wouldnt tell me that you are having lunch with her parents? No need to tell me? Not when you know that I mind? Whatever. Not important.

PS. It wasnt that bad afterall, come to think again. To know or not to know doesn't pain me anymore.

Can I be a normal employee?

Can I be a normal employee who knocks off on time, works OT sometimes and only on some days?

So what if I dont mess up my work, so what if I complete my work, there are still people who think that I am not performing. So crap.

So which is which?

I guess I was overly affected by what happened last thursday. I had a bad cry on Friday night in the office.

Yes, you never read wrongly, I was in the office on Friday! I stayed and worked till 12 plus. And it was a diappointing night that ended off with a not-too-bad drink at Bukit Timah.

So I was asking, is being busy a sign of inefficiency or just plainly too much things and too little time?

I kept thinking of that conversation during the ride. But I realise I couldnt remember what was the conclusion and what is the situation? If only things were different and if only they stick to what I planned.

Maybe this is just a crisis at work for just ME only.

I am tired.

planning ahead

Sometimes some people are just meant to do one thing and not the other. Sometimes I hope that the boyfriend is someone less reserved. Someone more daring with his love. :) sleeping time

sad truth

I realized a sad truth today. I'm still the same old me. Paranoid, insecure, emotional and all the other negativity. Sad for me. And painful to admit. Maybe this lonely Sunday night is the cause.

am i on track?

Look at the time. I'm tired. I was watching Korea video. Watching them makes me feel like loving more, be with someone more. I wonder whether I'm on track. I wonder whether I'm learning. I want good grades and I want a loving bf and I want things to go on smoothly. Can I have all three for Christmas? Santa please. That's all I need. Can they fit into a sock? :p Time to bed. And more drawing of valves tomorrow! I love shopping in furniture shops! It is just nice to walk around, with no negative emotions. :) Thank God!

rarr rarr

Crazyday. To come to programming without battery and without charger. If only I check. If only I drove. I told her to ask jasmine to book. And to get shouted when I tried to borrow from the useless sister. Bastard

Thats just an expression

Try putting lack of sleep, work, homework and some trouble at work into a mixer. What do you get? Frustration. So do just let me shout about it with a co-worker to vent it. FOR THAT MOMENT ONLY!

love the iphone

Love the iPhone to the max. The ease that I have. Time to take a break! 休息是为了走更远的路。I feel touched and proud of myself at this moment. :) so touched that I can cry. Touched that I was given this chance. :) and so touched that I managed to take that step. And I don't want a lonely Christmas. :) and I need a holiday. Thank god it is a short week! I can get my much awaited swim! Yawn. Sleep time.