.::someone please ask me whether i am happy::.

~*please*~
~*someone please ask me whether i am happy*~
~*please let me know that someone care*~

the one that i am hoping is not coming... but somethings that i expect are just coming along the way...

no one will be willing to accept that they are at fault... i am one of them... everyone is like that... just the extend of the case...

when was the last time you ask yourself whether you are happy with whatever that you are doing?

i bet that was a long time ago... cause you are happy with life...there is no need to ask... but i am always asking myself that... always... i am always wondering whether i am really happy... and always trying to dig in to find out whether i am truly happy or sad...

i no longer yearn for an answer... i no longer dare to think so much... i will always try to put an end to my thoughts... i dont want them to run wild... it ran wild just now... maybe even now... i am still feeling lost...

why do i always realise that i interfere too much only when i had done that something?

i dont know why i failed to control things that night although i know that something like that will happen one day...

i am so guilty...so guilty that i just shouted at my mother... so sorry that i am not doing my homework simply because i am not in the right mind state to do them...

when was the last time that i felt like that? cultural potpourri last year... someone gave me a painful stab... sorry... i want to forget...but the impact is just so great... ever felt so bad that you may forget how to walk any time? that bad... it feels like i may lose control over my legs anytime...

no longer sad... i am just disappointed? i am always asking myself whether i am doing the right thing... for every single thing that i do when i am alive on this world... all the time... dont ask me why... i want to know why...

there are just so many things that you have done, but you never want to voice and say them out... cause you dont want people to think that you hao lian... but i am just tired of doing things quietly... ya.. i never wanted returns... but i also never wanted bad returns...

although i know that things that will be coming out from his mouth will never be the same, and never be the truth...but still i choose to tell him... cause no one else choose to listen...

no one to blame...

ever tried standing in front of guys who are about to fight and try to stop them from fighting? what is the bet? the bet is me myself... and the bet is that the guy would not touch the girl... quite alot of times... all the lame reasons i find just to protect someone... although they still fought in the end...

all the things that you all are doing... i never know the reasons... i assumed all the reasons... so in the end i have to back you all up with all my assumed reasons...

maybe you didnt realise or dont want to admit... you all did forget him once... you all didnt realise... i was forgotten by you all also... everyone did... dont claim that you will never forget someone cause that is just never true...

dont know what i am blogging le... the one that i hope to call and feel like calling is not around... maybe my tears will help me... if i cry everything out tonight, everything will be ok tomorrow?

i am always thinking that way... tomorrow will be a better day...

~*do youu know?*~

.::what are people thinking?::.

~*after so long*~
~*i am finally back to the same topic*~

ok... i am bringing myself back to the same topic, although i never wanted to...

i never wanted to think about it... although, like i say, i am used to it, i will never get very sad over this thing le... but i still think about it...

the thing is always there in my heart, it is just the matter with where it is... i mean, at times it is just at the bottom... but other time when i am alone, it just flash across my mind...

i mean... when it is at the bottom of my heart, i never wish to dig it out and think about it... i just need a few glimpse... never abit more than that... cause i know anything more than that the thing will be out...

i mean... but when that thing is out, a few glimpse is never enough anymore... i mean, i will keep thinking about a whole lot of stupid things about it and i will just keep thinking... but i swear i am not sad...

i am so going to change my wishlist...there are a whole lot of things that i want... haha... my birthday coming mah...so... it will be easier for you all to have a target and start saving money for my presents...but you all better go and have a meeting or something to decide who to get me what... haha... clever me...

ok...back to topic... actually most of the time... i just know what may happen next.. i mean i can tell and i can sense... i am extremely sensitive to these things... but i just still choose to act blur... i dont know what else to do... even if i keep thinking about the same thing, nothing much will change right? things will still be the same... i mean... still going to happen the way that he want?

anyway i shall go and change the wishlist and sleep for the sake of the total 3 hours lecture tomorrow morning...

still, thank you to all those who helped and counselled me all these days and months and weeks, especially daryl, zhongyi, da sam, yongxuan, weihong, connie, zhengyu and jeffrey. although i am still like that... it is my mind that cant accept that... i cant change, so... i mean i still cant accept that thinking...so... hmm... ya... i am still trying to change... maybe one day... i will become someone that no one likes me...

~*stay happy*~
~*youu*~
~*yes youu*~
~* C= *~

.::finally::.

~*afew things that i intend to blog*~
~*today*~
~*them*~
~*youu*~
~*but my eyes are closing...*~

ok... i shall start with today first, or rather the past few days... haha... i am totally EXHAUSTED... not just one day and i dont think it is only me... thanks to people who put in an effort to help wih the drums... thanks a million...

special thanks to zhen yu, yongxuan, weihong, connie, xue zhen (shuat zhen), *i feel like putting that name down... ahhah... evil me*, daryl, da sam, zhongyi, and A WHOLE LOT more... i mean i dont feel like continuing on putting more names... i will flood this entry... so your know who you all are... so

heres a BIG THANK YOU to you all...

ok... thanks to all...

sorry that i flared up at the prata shop today... i just feel so BOTTLED up... things end le...but i dont know why i still like that... i just felt like crying at that time... and coke didnt cheer me up fast in time... although i gulp down one can in less than 10minutes... the coke came and i just kept drinking...

things sometimes just dont go the way it should be... sorry if things dont seem that neat... i mean i really dont know where to start planning when no matter where i start to plan, nothing seems right... so why make myself feel worse?

and i think one day i will let EVERYTHING OUT... i really mean EVERYTHING...

haha

await for that day to come...

and thanks to those who gave advice... i mean...although i never heed those advice... i know i should do all those... but i am still in the midst of convincing myself to listen... so... haha... things are better on my side... no longer that emotionally stubborn le hor...

ok...we shall now move on to youu... something short and nice... not replying dont help... i mean if not replying will help, it will have helped long long long long time ago... things will still be the same for quite long...

ok...them hor... i got my reasons... so... it is no longer just me la... it is a WHOLE LOT of people also... so start using your brain... hate me or something i also dont care le... i mean... for these things, i can no longer care...

you all still matters...but i have to think for the future... just hoping that you all will start to use that thing up there and think... if you all can understand, things will be a WHOLE LOT better... the world will be a nicer place to live in...

i am also tired of promises... so no more promises anymore...

ok... i am totally tired... drinking red bull and coke no longer help today... i mean... i drank one red bull and 2 coke...still so so so tired... so... no more... good nite!!!

~* C= *~
~*so will youu please reply?*~
~* C= *~

.::life rocks::.

~*just a short a entry*~

ok... it shall be short and sweet... i should be off to bed soon...i mean i took my medicide...i should be sleeping now... i am sick... i missed quite alot of lesson because of this stupid fever,flu and cough...

anyway... i am just praying that things will get better these coming days...and please peoplel, trust me... i am starting to study... and after the trip to malaysia, there will be strictly no more unnecessary nanhua visits... and definitely no more NDP or whatever shit...

ok...that stupid thing, i hope it will end soon... things will be over soon...

as for youu, i heard youu asking for my blog address... i act blur..youu also...but whatever la... just be happy.. i know youu will be happy... i only need replies... thats all...

~*it is still youu*~
~* C= *~
~*how to let them know*~
~*youu mean no harm*~

.::things are coming to an end::.

~*i dont know where things are going to and how things will turn out to be*~
~*i only know*~
~*one day*~
~*accusations will start coming in*~

somehow i can tell that my dancing life is coming to an end...soon... maybe after this year? i dont want it that way... but it is just so difficult to handle things... like people aer not happy with the way i do things although i think that i am doing the correct things...

somemore people are not understanding why i am doing certain things... they only know how to assume and let accusations set in... i never like accusation... please remember that...

i am always trying to explain why i am doing certain things... but they are forever never interested in listening... in the end i am always telling it to people who having nothing much to do with matters...

maybe i am not doing enough or i am not doing as much for you all... but i think i put in my bestest... i did more that i can do for any other group... i never have the chance to tell you all in your face... that is just so bu yao lian... and please ask yourselves whether you all will be willing to sit down and listen?

maybe i am going into depression again soon? i dont know... and i dont really wish to know... now it just seems better to be sad... maybe that will cut down on the possible accusations that will be setting in soon...

people will start saying...

ok... whatever shit that is... all those stupid jokes... they are already not funny... cause i no longer know how to laugh... go and tell them... bu shuang me or anything, i no longer care... cause i only hope that they will leave as soon as possible... i am making it clear here... i have my reasons... like it or not...

i want the influence to stop here and now!!!... there is no need to 'protect' you all anymore and get things onto my back... i am always like an idiot helping you all to clear things up... no more of that... i am tired... and i dont see the need to anymore...

i feel so not treasured... maybe to you all i dont deserve anything at all... maybe not seeing me will make you all happier...

when will you all start to use your brain? it is no longer about fun and laughter... it is about what the others will think and do... like it or not... for now or for the future... that is just something that you all must learn...

if you all dont change... someone there leave, that makes the end of me... i cannot stay on without some people... i cannot stay on with some people... not me... it is them...

i dont know... go ahead and hate me or bu shuang me... i am just so used to you all not asking and not knowing what i am thinking...

the day that i fear is coming soon... the day when you all start to dont like me... it will come soon...

i am still the same old me... it is a problem with my priority... it is not problem... rather a change... i have to think for the future... i hope you all will too...

those tears are not because i didnt manage to win you in the quarrel... but because the day that i am afraid of... is drawing near...

i am always crying... stupid me right? people say iti not worth it... but i think otherwise...

i still think otherwise...

.::everything in life::.

~*ok*~
~*i am quite happy!!!*~
~*but i am super pissed with someone*~

that someone got something that i prayed hard for... and he not only benefit from that thing, he also gained something that i got... the chance to do something... anyway...the stupid thing is, i got only one thing nd he got two...how unfair can this world get?

ok i am not the only one who is not happy... there are still people out there who are not happy about it... who is he lor... i feel like slapping him...

but so sad i cant spoil the relationship with him... he is still of use to me... evil me huh... ahahaha...

anyway... dont blame me for being crude to you all... cause i have my reasons... accept it or not... i have to think for the future... no choice here... and please, when you all have the chance, figure out how to use those butterfly brain... think for the future...

it is no longer just about fun and laughter and atmosphere... it is about future...

anyway... i am tired...

.::i am really tired::.

~*YEA!!!*~

i am going malaysia before the march holidays for the competition thing!!! so happy...

anway... i am super tired recently... alot of people are super tired... i think especially lao shi... he is rushing here and there la... haix... he is so important to all of us that he cant afford to fall sick...

anyway... just came back from chingay in jurong with nanhua... aun father fetched me home again... and we each took home 10 pizza bun? haha... i think we rock... but i think aun mentioned that shibin brought home 15...haha...

i have decided to blog although i am so tired... so that my blog wont be took dead...

sorry that i am doing what i am doing... but i am just so sorry that i can never help to cover things up like the way i used to try to do... cause i need to think about the future... it is no longer a need or dont need choice here... it is a must to... and out to those secondary 2 boys... i warn your... better control before i lose control of myself... if your think everything is still a joke then go ahead... i will make sure you regret what you did...

anyway... i am so tired that i decide to end this entry here... keep it short and sweet...

hope NHDS like those small little marshmallos... i mean... it is for valentines' day and frienship week and also sec4 last performance... hope your like it...i know it is a bit too sweet.... please blame the milo powder... try to contact milo manufacturer yourself please... haha...

anyway... no chocolate for PA tomorrow... cause my house no more chocolate le... maybe next week ba...

hope that things are going on well for all of you...

it is good to learn to move on... stay happy girl!!! C=

.::so many tings::.

~*so many things happened today*~
~*go ahead and bu shuang*~
~*i think i no longer care*~
~*tomorrow will be better day*~

ok... i have to admit...so many things happened today... i cried again in nan hua... sad... anyway.... if i make some mistake here in this entry, please pardon me... i am abit abit drunk from the red wine that i drink...

anyway... i didnt mean to xia lan him... we will be talking about i tomorrow... so hope things will be settle tomorrow...

i didnt meant to xia lan... how afraid i am... scare that one day he will bu shuang me again... and i know if i dont thrash things out son enough, that day willbe drawing near...

i think it is time to give up on him... so many people are telling me that he is only a tool... cant he just treasure smeone who treat him like a person? i am disappointed... stop telling me to dont care about him... i just want all of your to be together...

i have the urge to tell youu everything today... but i expected the reply from youu... youu will be telling me the same thing...they are just kids...

anyway... let a new month start soon... so i can sms more...

C= this smile still stands for the same thing...

i miss youu...

~* C= *~

.::Hows life?::.

~*oh...i feel like touching my tarots later*~
~*ok*~
~*thats what i shall do*~

life is not that good for me... i still dont know how to stay awake inclass... as in lecture... i keep falling asleep.... and now i have problem typing... i keep typing the wrong things...

ok... mondays and tuesdays are not that happy days for me... but they are the 2days of the week that i get lesser problems...

mondays and tuesday i got hardly anything to do with nhds so i am exposed to lesser problems... tomorrow having PE... 2.4km...omg...

oh ya... one of my knowledgeable friend today, said that all guys have to be able to run 2.4km in less than 10 minutes so that when we are attacked by Malaysia, they will be able to run across the causeway to capture Kuala Lumpur... the causeway is 2.4km long... amazed? i am...

ok... i am amazed by my friend...

anyway... something is terribly wrong with my darling... dont know what is wrong with her... keep skipping her meal... and she is no longer into fruits which she used to like the most... haix... she cant tell us anything... my poor darling...

ok... it is my darling dog, BABY... haha... she dont seem ok... although she still plays at times... maybe she is on a diet or something...

anyway... i am starting to think about the same stupid things... the same stupid things that will never make me sad anymore... it will only make me wonder...

when you cant find reason to why you fall for someone, it will be terrible if your love is not returned cause it is those love with no reason that will last... cause you cant find a reason to not let it last...

i am like that now... how long le? not a year yet... how long will it last? i dont know...

i only know i will no longer be sad about it... cause i am just so used to the way things are... just some little things can make me happy... happy as in be contented...

youu dont know how happy i was that day... haha...

anyway... i am just trying at times to get myself angry... hoping that something will just change... but so sad, nothing happened... haix... so let it be...

there is this poor guy in my class... i am in the same group as him during PW and same group during GP lessons...

it is the whole class against him... so sad... it is like he is such a big idiot in with the way he do things... and he always think he is right... the worse of all he is a MCP... male chauvanist pig... he never trust girls... so i shall never trust him... whatever he do, i will seek for reassurance from other people to make sure it is right...

to get this straight... i dont pity him at all... cause he dont deserve it... so many people had been telling him what is wrong with him but he just dont accept... so do you still think he deserve to be pity?

anyway... i am one of the worst girls in school... i think only 3 of us dares to shoot him directly...

i am evil... i commented him directly and straight in the face cause i know it is ok to destroy the relationship between me and him... he will never be of any use to me... so fan lian jiu fan lian la...

anyway... he is not being gentleman to not quarrel with me... the whole thing is he shut up whenever i say somehting about him cause he literally got nothing to say...

oh that is such a sad case...

did i say i was evil or rather i am evil...

haha... the evil plot is still on... thank you daryl, shibin and si aun... whatever that your have tried to do, it is more than enough... i am happy now... and i will keep myself happy...

anyway... i am evil and i kept doing evil things on him... but i doubt he realise it... i got the hint... i know one day he will not be happy about it and he will start to bu shuang me again... but what can i say? i dont know how to let him know that we are not happy with the way he is doing things...

anyway... i know he will bu shuang me soon... got the super great hint...

ok... i am having chemistry test tomorrow...but i am preparing to fail it... anyway... it is not in prelims... and i amgoing to buy a chem guide book tomorrow...haha...

~*tarots*~
~*youu*~

.::BACKSTAE CREW DAY::.

~*Backstage crew for a day!!!*~
~*things are still the same*~
~*i am sorry*~

first thing first... i was a backstage crew for a day with a group of korean dancers and drummers from a koreean dance company... i am now still too lazy to go and find out what is the name of their dance company... i only know i saw a lot of ministers today. not realli alot but there is justmore than one guest of honour...

ok...we learned how to set up the dance floor mat and we learn how to sweep the floor... haha... so many paper... but those koreans are bringing those paper back to korea... haha.. singaporean gift...hehe...

anyway... they are pro danceer and they got a pro stage coordinator... although their language is different from ours and they cant speak english, he still try his best-est to discript to the stage manager, who is our dearest Mr Tay Bao Shun, who is also one of the best few Stage Manager in singapore!!! haha... they are professional... just like what they claimed they are...

their smile is able to go into your heart and melt your heart...the drums are super heavy...there is one super big one...which i dont know how to describe but i know it nits more than 2 people to carry it...

ok...at the end of every rehearsal we have to sweep up all the papers that gaves the autuum effect... they brought their own drums, own cymbals, own ironing board, own iron, own lighting template, own foam making machine... haha... pro... own basket also!!!

anyway... thanks SHIBIN... thanks forbeing there... i think i am starting to make you feel irritated... anyway... i did evil things today... and days pass by... i am starting to feel sorry... sorry for what i had done... but i know i cant really stop cause i got no other means to let you know that i am not happy with the ways you are doing things and treating us... so i decide to guai lan and attitude... but seems like it only makes you start to not like me again... but whatever... doing those evil things will not make me sad... say i am sadist or whst...

but i can say i am feeling sorry for what i am doing... and i am scare of 'losing' you again but i got no choice but to do this to let you know that we are not happy...

but i know that is the only wayto protect myself... cause i dont want to go into depression...

anyway... to youu... do you have a single bit of idea that everything is still the same? what i am thinking and feeling but the problem is, the things that i fear are setting in... i hope that THAT time will come faster... maybe things will just be better those days...

but i do hope that i have not lose youu by then... anyway... i have to thank youu for the little hopes... although they are just nothing... but what else more can i ask for?

i will never be sad over youu... so i will be happy.... haha...

i cant find a reason why it is youu... but i know... it is normal to not be able to find a reason...

anyway... thats about it... i am hoping for a better tomorrow...!

~* C= *~
~*thankyou SHIBIN!!!*~
~*YOU ROCK*~
~*youu know*~
~*i know youu know*~

.::same old things::.

~*i was reading this person blog*~
~*when i realise that the same old things are just coming back*~
~*and i realise that it has been more than 2 weeks since i last cried*~
~*let this night be the last*~

i realise it has been 2weeks since i last cried... i swear tonight will be the last...i will be ok tomorrow... i will be... cause i know... no matter how sad i am, i still have to smile...

i have been thinking about all these things for alot of times... but things just come and go, any single one of you all can make me cry easily... it is always you all who cause me to suffer from depression cause problems always come from you all...

i decide to say everything out... since i tagged so long in his blog...

did you know that the day before cai qing i was discussing with daryl about it till about 1am?

did you know that i was the one who called daryl to wake up that morning?

do you know that i will be there to help if i have no school that day?

do you know that i was the one who brought down all the bags of oranges from the studio to the hall that afternoon?

do you even realise that you all forgot to throw?

do you know that the whole morning i was thinking about you all?

do you know how many calls i have made before daryl finally wake up?

do you know how much sms i have sent that morning just to confirm that he had wake up?

do you know that i didnt take train to clementi with you all?

do you know that i didnt realise that you are depressed cause from what i see you dont look sad.

do you know that i am always trying to be nice to you?

do you know how much i had been trying to be nice to you even when people no longer care or support you?

do you know that whenever i tried to ask someone for help regarding you, hardly anyone bother to tell me how to do?
cause they just dont care...

do you know how afraid i am? afriad that you will turn back to your old self? afraid that when that day come, more people will not like you?

do you know that i was never in the anti-you programme?

do you know that i never ever plan that before?

do you know how many time had you make me cry all these years?

do you know what happened during the dance camp caused me to get into depression?

do you know even know that i was in depression?

maybe you dont even remembered what happened during dance camp.
maybe you didnt realise
maybe you dont think much about it

do you know how many people out there do not agree to what i am doing for you all?

do you know i got hardly anyone to turn to when i faced problems regarding you all, except daryl?

do you even know that i am treating you nice?

do you all ever bother to tell me what really happens to you all?

do you all ever bother to find out what is going on with me?

do you all ever know that i was in depression a few weeks ago?

do you know that i am tired of treating you all nice even when i am sad?

do you know how afraid i am? afraid that one day everyone of you all will just dislike me and come against me.

do you all know how many things i have been shouldering for you all? all those things that you all should not have done.

do you know how many people dont like me because of what i am doing?
people out there say i am group hopping and they think i am doing things for a motive.

do you know what i can do with all these comments?

do you know that i swallow them and can only cry alone at night?

do you all know how many people think that you all cannot make it?

do you know how many people do not support you with what you are doing?

did you realise how much support i am giving you?

do you even realise the ratio is never right?
it is always me and daryl, 2 to almost 20 of you all.

do you know how much i am doing trying to ensure that i dont lose anyone of your anymore?

did you even realise that we lost 2? i dont want the 3rd or the 4th to happen.


do you know that i have been trying to be nice to you and just you only even when i am sad?

did you realise that i am always using nice tones to talk to you?

all these are just gone in 2 arguments.

you can have mood swing, can have depression, why cant i?

dont ask how much things that i have not done for you all

dont ask me how much bad things or wrong things that i had done to you all

why not ask yourself how much i have done for you all

why not ask yourself how much you all have done for me

ok... i dont have a choice tonight.i can choose to be angry or sad for other things but for this,i can only choose to be sad or disappointed...

maybe i should have long got used to it...it has always been like that, isn't it?

ok... i can only cry tonight... i have to smile again tomorrow.i have to continue what i have been doing for the past 3 years.

.::am i ok?::.

~*i start to think that i am selfish*~
~*more than selfish*~
~*evil*~

ok... whatever... if you ever had the taste of depression, will you ever choose to go into it after you had manage to get out of it?

although my depression case not to the extreme that i will kill myself... but i think one day, if i get into depression again, i may just move closer to that... cause i can sense myself closer le...

anyway... if you ever taste depression, you will never choose to get into it again... so when i am about to be sad, i chose to be angry instead... i did alot of things on purpose just to vent my anger... not on those whom i think are innocent... only at those targetted ones...

i will feel better when i see them being pissed off by me... how great can that be...you never know unless you try it again...

and there are just some people that i am tired of treating them good... so beware.. dont step on my tail again... i will make sure i show no mercy... just those 2...

if any of your ever sense that i am going against you delibrately, then most likely you are right... cause i think i trust my skills in 'shooting' people down...

anyway... there are people with me... so if you think a big group is against you, then all the more you are right...

anyway... tomorrow is chingay... good nite...

all the best for rehearsal tml...

~*to NHDS*~
~*to myself*~
~*to everyone*~
~* C= *~

.::FURIOUS::.

~*F*CK OFF*~

ok...i am not that pissed le... after having wonderful talk with wonderful people... i think we can just hang out one night and talk all we want... that will be heavenly... haha

anyway... clever people make me wasted one night waiting...but anyway, i was doing other things also...

ok... i am back to the same stupid topic... i can understand everything that you used to say... maybe you meant what you said or maybe you manage to make me feel how you want me to feel... i am feeling guilty that time... but i just cant deny the fact that you are somehow guiding him... guiding him too much, as though you are just plotting somethings... and so sad... i am not the only one thinking that way...

yup, life is just like that, when you thought that you are ok, something come along again... i thought i was alright until i start to sense things again...

everything is just so obvious... or maybe you are making it obvious to him, or making obvious to them, we caught the hint, thank you... but the feeling is not good... i understand what you used to say... i accept them... but the things now are just making me not able to tolerate... so bad that i will just choose to walk off...

i hope in the end i would not be alone in this so called war...

anyway, i dont mind you deciding not to tell us anything, but please stop whispering to each other... no one in this bloody world likes the feeling of not knowing something... cause that just makes one fall into the catergory of 'un-trusted' friends... that will be like so omg... one will feel so outcasted...

i think i did alot of stupi things on purpose... to say the truth, i am still scare... cause things are just better nowadays... i dont really wish to spoil things, but i do not want to be a loner... so... it is my choice to be with them...

yea... i did alot of evil things on purpose cause i wanted myself to be angry rather than sad... i just got out of depression for less than a month...i dont want to fall back in again... and seriously i felt as though i am going to fall back in again when i was walking from nh to clementi... that feeling was so intensed... the feeling ofbeing lost... not knowing what to do...

but i just learned to do things on purpose... so that i will get this sense of achievemen when my evil plot is successful... and i am much happy this way cause i got people to plot with me...

there are just so many things that i see, that we see that we just dont want to voice out... cause we dont see the point to and still hoping that one day things will be better and those stupid things will just stop... but seems like we are the stupid people... maybe you are just another asshole like those whoever people that i know... what you are doing are just things that even a not a so good thinker will know and observe... plus i dont think i am a good thinker but i am still a thinker...

please let me be selfish this time round... let me tell myself that it is a goodreason to buai song you because of whatever that you did to us without knowing... but i can just say... that you are still important to me... what i used to say is true... always... you matters... but i guess you just would not remember a single damn about it... cause i am just no one... the one who can help you and give you advice is the one that you really needs... the rest around you are just no one... no one that you can turn to when you need help cause they just failed terribly as a friend in your eyes... and that includes me...

you never know how much that makes me feel sad when i heard that... i never remember turning you away when you need help... maybe i am not a good thinker and i cant help much, but that just doesnt mean that i am someone who will do what the others will... so fine, whatever... i shall just be selfish again... let me do what i want.. let me plot... against you and let you have a taste of what we are feeling...

ok... haha... what a random entry... haha... by the way... i speak to that someone again today about the same thing... he is just someone who no one seems to give him a damn besides those who stand by him and accompanying them through the journey...

how to just convince him to stay on through everything is over... i lost 2... i dont feel like losing another one... i know it is my fault, or should i say it is our fault... i tried to stop but i was too late cause i woke up too late from that stupid dream of mine... and i tried to pass on my experience but no one seems to understand...

anyway... there will never be any chance of him reading my blog... but can someone teach me how to convince someone to stay on the journey... it is not nice to lose another one... everyone played a part in this joruney of four years... like it or not... you have to admit it.. he is part of your the very first day your were together... your are destinated to spend the four years together... he is a great friend... remember how much he changed ever since he is with your?

remember the first performance that your had? what was he doing during the free time? what about him now? if you have the time, please persuade him to stay... i am still trying my best...

ok... there are just so many different people in my entry this time round... the front part is a few individuals and me with another group of people... the second part is a few other different individuals and me with another entirely different group of people...

~*rocks on people*~
~*those people who conferenced with me on 01.02.2006 night, rocks my socks*~
~*do you know that there is a trend for long socks?*~
~*haha... thats what shibin said*~
~*jiayou!*~
~*chingay*~
~* C= *~

.::HAPPY NEW YEAR::.

~*one fine day i shall go change my settings*~
~*let your see the title of my entries*~

anyway... HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!

i had a great chinese new year, all thanks to Si Aun the great who planned so many activities... haha... but of all things, it is still the best to hang out with people whom you are closest to... the old usual mahjong group...haha... yups, and that PHAY girls, who simply rocks my life too...

i used to thought that i will never be close to your...but whatever... haha... i just used to think that it is better to just be senior...haha... but guessed i was wrong that time... cause i just think that things are ok now...

ok... i got a dozen things to type just now...but after talking to daryl about the cai qing thing, i am now not that bubbly anymore... haha... i am quite so going to freak out... see my msn nickname and you know...

oh ya... had happy days... so sad tomorrow school starting and so worried that tomorrow got cai qing... i just dont remember any years in my nan hua with lao shi absent on cai qing that day... but suay suay someone just want it on that time and that day so have to la... just pray that things will go well... that shall be the most important thing for morning prayers tommorrow...

oh well... tomorrow got PE... i dont like it... but still have to do it... hope my teacher is kind tomorrow... well he is...

anyway... did i told your that alyssa and si aun parents rocks?both gave us super lots of food and housed all of us, the wild cave famil people in their house... i can say we caused chaos in their house...

oh ya... lao shi house also... super crowded... just so many people that you cant walk through with ease...

i am just glad that i didnt see any people that i dont like these few days... haha...

oh ya... i am being super bad these few days... i keep bad-mouthing people... we keep gossiping about others... although got someone tell me we are not bad-mouthing... just telling the truth...

ok...what a new year... suay...should not have gamble... i lose aabit...

anyway... so glad that i didnt see yyou... omg... heavenly... haha

i think i told the whole of EXCO boys and those who hang out with us about the stupid things that yyou and herr did... omg... ya there is a new person in my blog... herr... haha... i just dont like the way she is doing things...

haha... i hate people who only know how to talk but never ever bother to life a finger... and there is this person... dont sound as though you know them very well... they changed ok? they are better now... hello... who know them better? i am just trying to sia suay you and make you feel out casted or something... evil me right? i think you know that i am talking about you if you even bother to read my blog...

but i think this person is just too busy for this... anyway... she still thought everything is the old same thing... shut up and go away.. .things are different... haha... you no longer know them and i doubt you even know that people dont have a liking for you, as in dont really like you to make it sound crude...

anyway... chingay coming... omg... i should be studying... blogging now?

some thanksgiving here...

alyssa, thanks for being a good friend, treat us to so many things... thank your mama also... my black sister...haha...

claudine, thanks for going crazy with me... i will remember your panda EYES... haha... i think my great gossip partner is her... haha

Christine and cassandra, thanks for the lame jokes huh... haha... always someone who can cheer me up with lame jokes... hee... i never ever will bu shuang your so please relax... haha...happy to be hanging out with your!!! C=

connie, thanks for all the advice and thank you for explaining to me things and telling me how you think... it helps alot!!! C=

dallan, thanks for all the stupid jokes and stupid things... haha... sorry for whatever that is in the past...

daryl, thanks for tolerating huh...haha.. my good partner all these few years, always someone i can turn to when i need help... common goal!!! sorry for my mood swing and stupid shoutings anyway... C=

da sam, thanks for teachng me how to do certain things... you helped alot... C=

HannBin, thanks for listening and trying to give suggestions and solutions...

HannQian, thanks for always listening... although i think you hardly say anything, but you never know how much those listening ears helped...

Jan, thanks for being lame with me...

jeslyn, thanks for being willing to tell me things, though i feel that i cant help much... jiayou!!! cheer!!! C=

jeremy, thanks for listening and teaching me how to think!!! C=

Keelui, thanks for listening to my kao pei and stupid things, hah... sorry for all the unreasonable stuff... C=

Koonhui, thanks for listening and thanks for trying to help!!!C= thanks for tolerating me too!!!

keongkiat, thanks for trying to put an effort into continuing the friendship... C=

PeiXuan, thanks for listening... you are a great listener and always there... thank you for the stays at your house... thank your mama too...

QiHui, thanks for always trying to ask and help and listen, not dont want to tell you, just no time...C=

Si Aun, thanks for the lame fats and lame jokes huh.. you are just another great listener and always trying o help... thanks!!!

ShiBin, my black son/bro... ai ya whatever la... my black fmily one...haha... thanks for the jokes and putting up with my unreasonable acts...! C=

WeiHong, thanks for listening... and thanks for all the advice... you helped alot... HONG YE YE... haha... jian fei!!!

Wahtuck, thanks for putting up to my stupid shoutings... the world is still turning... move on...! C=

YinCheong, thanks for all the jokes huh...haha... all the stupid rumours... funny... and sorry for all the stupid shoutings...haha...

Yueli, thanks for listening and thanks for being willing to tell me your troubles though i think that i didnt helped much... but at least we can cry together...! C= smilez

Yihang, thanks for listening and trying to help sometimes... haha...jia you!!! C=

Zhongyi, thanks for always trying to help!!! C=

Apologies to all those who i always shout at... hope you know i dont mean it... if you cant stand me or anything, please tell me directly...i am trying to control too... yea, and if you cant stand i bad-mouthing people, tell me too... haha... i mean it...

thank you to all the secondary 4 guys+hongyeye+baobaobao+octopus for telling me lame jokes and being lame with me to keep me happy... they are enough to keep me happy!!! C=

ok... i am tired... i think i missed people out... i will add agin... please give me ang pao by clicking on the ad at the top left hand corner... and i dont mind more HUGS... C=