.::disappointment?::.

~*so do you define that as disappointment?*~
~*i think so*~
~*but i am just numb to all of it*~

ok.. for how long? excluding those years that i just have no idea what i was doing when i was young, i bet it is just about 10 years le.. hmmm

for all the while, i can only remember her being pampered by my father... and no matter how much i do, he will always the pearl in his hand.. he got her present and everything.. ya.. thats what she is getting when she is young..

then now? she just dont give a damn to what he is doing, not greeting him or dont appear willing to talk to him.. so that is what he get in return for doting on her all these years..

and no matter what i do, when the whole family is not giving him a damn, i am.. and that just dont register into his mind, maybe until recently..

why i feel like tearing again? it is not worth it..

ok.. say the bad things about me.. i used to take her things to use without asking, i used to not spend enough time at home to help her with her work, i used to shout at her and all those stupid things that elder sisters always do to theirs silblings.. but that is all in the past, but i think those are just more than enoughto let her vent her anger on me as and when she like..

never in her mind that she thnk she is wrong.. never.. maybe that is why 三毛 the writer said that '家中的老儿都是问题儿童' ok...

hmm.. thats quite bad of me to say.. but i am not the only feeling that way.. my youngest sister, she too felt that way

when she bring her friends home, either we do not disturb them or welcome them.. so it is either positive or neutral actions.. but when we bring our friends home, all we get are mostly negative actions.. and remarks.. sometimes neutral though, but never positive..

so who am i suppose to blame? myself? cause i didnt spend enough time with her in the past?

my friends used to comment that my sister is rude and what i did? i argued back.. i sided her.. that never come to her.. to her, she is the most important one...

she used to blame me.. blame me for being committed to dance and things like that, not spending enough time home. and the good thing that happened recently is that she is now sec 4 and she is leaving her cca and now she know how that committment felt like.. and the reasons why i was so committed then...

ok.. then what else? recently, i took up the advice and start to treat her nicely.. i treat both of them nicely.. other than at times when i am not in the best of my mood.. but that is rare.. anyway.. i tried to treat her nice, but occasionally i just get random shoutings from her.. like just now.. nevermind, no point repeating...

then now what, sending me those stares.. ok.. that is just so whatever... asshole...

to her, it is always me not wanting to help.. ya true.. sometimes i just dont feel like helping.. and yet she just thinks that, it is not i cant help her.. just i dont want to help her with her work ALL the time.. ok.. thats great right?

she never think she is wrong...

only treating me nice when she needs a favour... i hate that.. from who ever.. that is one of the thing that i hate the most.. ya.. but she is doing that.. so great.. ok.. whatever...

then what now? bear with it or kill her? no choice right?

treat her nice and she will realise sometime? i am tired of it.. all the while i have been doing it.. but i simply have no choice...

whatever..

random ranting...

heavy head.. why? cause my temperature is high.. ok.. not high... just 37.0 now.. hmm.. but thats away from my 36.5 normal temperature..

so because of HER, no game for me tonight cause her ass hole just would not open to tell me what time she needs the computer until...

`sorry.. vulgar, but that seems to be the only way to vent my anger.. when was the last time you see 'assholes' on my entries?

~*smiles*~
~*i will still SMILE to HER*~
~*haix*~
`yaps.. feel like tearing.. seems like that is all that i can ever do? never have the ability to solve problems.. only know how to cry
`hmm.. ok.. trying to control.. i held back my tears today.. C;

.::tired::.

~*overly saturated*~

so what? just go into the examination hall and vomit everything out.. ya.. thats practically what i did for biology and i am prepared to get an F for maths.. which is a sure F subject...

why? all the things in the paper no longer seem alienated but i just dont know how to do... how? so the 3 hour marathon is just there.. wasting more and more paper.. but for the first time in my life, i complete one whole question in the paper.. which is something considered to be very proud on my part in view that i actually have been failing maths all the way.. =S

ok.. then.. what is next? tomorrow? no ECONS!! that is a whole great deal of benefits that you get when you drop ECONS.. yes.. i can sleep till dont know what time tomorrow!!! d=

ok.. going to read through inorganic chemistry... whether it go in or not is no longer important.. HOLIDAYS ARE COMING!!! C=

YES... slacking.. i know i am doing that.. oops..

who says i have holiday? it will be just more choinging.. -.-

~*smiles*~
~*understanding*~
~*trying to be better*~
~* C= *~

.::the treasure::.

~*nothing much to say*~
~*how to put in words?*~
~*change them into actions*~

THIS TIME ROUND
IT IS EASIER DONE THAN SAID
at least thats what i think now...

.::chiong ah::.

~*hmm*~
~*what do you do when you hate yourself?*~

hmm.. i know.. my mood fluctuates and now my mood swings and now i am being overly sensitive and i am being extremely paranoid..

hmm.. bear with me bah.. even i can do nothing about it.. i feel like crying.. hmm.. why? i also dont know.. dont say things that can make me cry now.. or maybe should make me cry? so that i will feel better?

guilty.. too much food.. no food tomorrow... set.. hmm

~*thats all*~
~*smiles*~
~*we will all smile*~
~* C= *~

.::alone::.

~*oops*~
~*PMS*~
~* d= *~

hmm.. apologies first.. these 2 days.. mood swing.. hmm.. one moment i am laughing and smiling, next i am pulling a long face.. -.-''

hmm.. now i am happy!!! C=

ok.. just finished a game of dota.. hmm.. fun.. addictive.. but i will control... that is a form of reward for myself bahs.. haas... d=

was alone today.. almost whole day alone.. haas.. physically i mean.. haas.. decide to not stay at home.. cause i have one sister who was going crazy and another one also PMS-ing... oops.. did i just annouce another thing? anyway..

man zhu gan.. i finished biology core.. at least most of it... next is practice.. C=

oops.. so tomorrow morning is bio and follow by maths? hmm.. then monday will be finishing up of chem.. oh no.. anyway.. I CAN DO IT!!! C=

better get better results this time round.. hmm.. what if i dont?

anyway.. back to topic.. i was alone today and i start to think alot.. think about neutral things this time round.. not bad.. C= my mood went up and down... morning bad mood so evening jiu good mood lor..

hmm.. thought of my neighbours.. hmm.. the previous owners of the unit next to mine..

where are they now? how old are their kids? then i remembered my old classmates.. hmm.. same question.. hmm..

i wonder when will i have the courage to open my mouth and ask that girl at the cashier in NTUC.. she is my classmate's sister.. hmm.. we shall see how..

hmm.. people's mood fluctuate so i understand that i cant expect someone to be caring all 365.25 days and all 24 hours.. but when someone is not caring, i cant be hyped lor..

can i say that it is a cycle?

when somone is down, it will affect some other people..

so people, you never know how your mood or smile can affect others.. so always try to smiles =D

~*smiles*~
~*thats all folks*~
~*craving for CARTOONS!!!*~
oh no... d=

.::RAIN RAIN PLEASE COME::.

~*i am seriously in need of a heavy rain or something*~

ok.. the weather is so so hot.. and warm is no longer the word to describe it.. hmm.. please, let it rain.. if it rain, i think most probably i will rush out and get myself drenched..

hmm.. i felt guilty.. i touch chips today.. and at the wrong time.. the period that i will fall ill most esily.. ok.. so no more chips..

oh my.. my sis just scolded something darn wrong at my mama.. oh no..

anywya.. back to topic.. todya.. home with 2 brats.. more chionging.. tonight. i think i am going to sleep at 1 or 2 bah.. i strived to finish bio today!! then to revision!!! C=

ok..

hmm... wanted to touch on something..

hmm... people never know how important it is to behave the right way.. especially when you are attached or something.. be it boy or girl..

hmm... people should always put themselves in their partner shoes.. how will they feel about whatever that you are doing?hmm..

taking someone for example.. hmm.. i feel bad.. but i am still going to say.. you are with someone.. why still give another person hope? that is the worst thingto do bahs.. hmm...

when i say giving hope, it means givning any form of contact and idea that things are still ok between your.. cause you never know how the slightest thing you do can give the one who had a crush on you the slightes joy and contentment...

anywya.. i have a mother who sings to herdogs.. oh my...

but apparently, Carrot dont like her singing.. haas.. d=

hmm... my post are getting more and more random..

carrot like to walk on the edge of the sofa and she just fell down.. oh my.. she seems ok with it leh.. haas..

~*smiles*~
~*decode bahs*~
`.u kicw tiy .rglbj tiy die xinubf ubri nt kudw .okwlaw fucw nw tiye diewcwe .u oeinuaw rgw alnw .u awwn ri vw lvur rii vi kuli? .u sibr xlew .glgl .NWBY .C=

.::past present and future?::.

~*hmm*~
~*i think i should learn to forget about the past*~

yes.. i think i should.. i predict that day come when someone will just get fed up over my sensitivity and just no longer bother to explain.. hmm.. i think i am being quite unreasonable.. hmm...

what are the possible solutions? hmm..

i. dont let me know that there is any form of contact at all
ii. let me know when there is any form of contact and dont let me find out about it on my own
iii. put up with my stupid sensitivity while i try to forget

i dont know la.. haas.. but i know i am ok.. my concern was not about not trusting you but more of you giving the other party the wrong information.. hmm.. let her know that she still care and things like that

hmm.. policy.. never be too good to someone who have a crush on you or is interested in you.. dont give the wrong signal.. ok

hmm...

UNREASONABLE ME..

i know.. while i am typing all those above, i am feeling unreasonable.. hmm.. ok.. i dont know what to say.. hmm..

maybe now people will say it is ok.. but who knows.. soon people will think that i am unreasonable.. but still i am told to say things out.. C=

had a happy day.. no school!!! C=

hmm.. tomorrow.. hmm.. i think i am giving maths lecture a miss and come home to mug.. prelims is next week.. please remind me that.. hmm..i want to go out~!! i cant study at home.. hmm.. maybe tomorrow? haaas.. muahahhaa

how does it feel to have 2 handphones? haas.. i am having 2 now.. suspect phone spoil but now, come to think of it, i think is sim card spoil.. haix..

ok.. go mug le.. d=

~*smiles*~
~*i am thinking*~
~*just now*~
~*not now*~
~*but i am ok all the while*~
`when we are able to bring it out to joke about it, it simply means i am ok.. C= smiles.. JIAYOU!!!

.::spark and fire::.

~*ok*~
~*some thoughts that i had today*~

hmm... was watching this silly and funny korean series on Channel U as i was doing my revision.. hmm.. then there is this girl, samshun, who said on the things that she want from her beau.. hmm.. ya.. and i start to think.. haas... C=

from what i remembered, all she wanted was someone who will proudly introduce her to his friends and let them know that she is his girlfriend.. but that guy could not give her that.. and that just lead to the guy having a chance to have flings outside as people do not know that he is attached?

hmm.. is that really that important? maybe? haas.. recognition.. who dont like that? but what is more important is still the forever that will be coming along...

what do i want from my boyfriend? i dont know leh.. haas.. i think i will be contented.. i will be.. i mean.. i will be understanding.. hmm.. can i do that? i dont know but i am willing to try and will i be able to achieve it? hmm.. i dont know but I will try and maybe your should ask my boyfriend then to find out if i achieve that 10 years down the road? haas...

random.. then i come to this thought... different people have different demand and different wants and different criterias.. you may find someone but that person just dont suit your criterias and you get sparks but not lasting fire.. hmm.. never be after that spark.. look out for the lasting fire..

so even if there is more than enough sparks to cause a big fire, the fire may not last.. but as long as there is love, any water that comes along, can be blocked out.. C=

hmm.. quite lame huh? haas..

but i think my mother taught me something useful and meaningful, something that i wish that someone will have a common agreeble with me..

agree with me that as long as there is LOVE, every problem can be overcome

agree with me that as long as there is discussion, every possible argument can be avoided or solved

agree with me that LOVE will never leave a couple in just one night

agree with me that with LOVE, someone will be willing to change for forever for his or her other half

agree with me that with LOVE, something else will come along and take its place and soon that will make it forever..

agree with me that with LOVE, we will never forget the passion that we have.

agree with me that with LOVE, you will guide me to treat you the right way.

C=

ok.. today.. whole day at home.. rarr.. tomorrow also.. rot le lahs.. rarr.. oh no.. i am feeling quite sleepy now.. ok.. going to do something stupid then early to bed.. hmm.. i feel like pigging tomorrow.. oh no.. stop me!!! d=

~*smiles*~
~*sorry*~
~*i am trying*~
~*still trying to be good*~
~*trying to be good to you the right way*~
~* C= *~

.::oh no::.

~*why am i here?*~

ok.. announcement.. jieyim just cut her hair and it is not very short..

and i seriously dont know what is wrong with my house phone.. or that person really is bu shuang.. haas.. bu shuang that i lied? oh no.. haas.. anyway.. it is an attempt to joke... but not successsful..

oh my... warm!!! anyway.. random...

plan for today.. hmm.. after blogging.. force myself to study then jiutonight to grandpa house.. no time to go le mahs... so go today lor...

hmm.. should i declare myself holiday tomorrow? since tuesday no school and since going to school is already a waste of time.. hmm.. we shall see

take your pick.. maths or bio? hmm.. maths bahs.. complete it.. it is hanging there for quite sometime le...

hmm.. decide to not be so paranoid or senstitive.. keep tinking tat someone is bu shuang or not ok.. but hmm.. how to be understanding when u r not sensitive or paranoid? i mean.. u need to be sensitive to understand to know what they are thinking.,. haas..

random..

bb

~*smiles*~
~*CHIONG AH!!!*~
~*i am with you*~
~* C= *~

.::绿洲::.

绿洲

当孤单干渴了我

是你开凿了河流

当狂风沙绝望了天空

是你开出花朵


我没说的你却都懂

连最隐密的伤痛

曾经世界就快要沉没

如果你没来复活我


还记得你说你爱我的时候

星空下有温柔的微风

我疲惫的心又开始有梦

再也没离开过

忍着寂寞 穿越最荒凉的沙漠

找到失落已久的绿洲

如果这是生命的尽头

我会微笑着接受

当我找不到彩虹

是你放回我心中

当我遗忘快乐的感受

是你又教会我

if your cant see the words, try changing the encoding to unicode. C=

just realised that this is a nice song.. and i am going to get the FIR new album soon!!! and i hope it will be real soon..

oh no.. prelims coming.. hmm... what will lack of sleep result in?

breaking down.. yes... thats what happened to me yesterday and i promise i will not allow what happened to me yesterday to happen to me again..

i know how bad it affect others.. and i am guilty for what happened last night...

anyway.. when was the last time that i feel what i felt today? missing someone.. and i mean.. badly.. hmm.. get used to it girl.. no choice.. ya.. no choice..

anyway.. i am still a happy person!!! C=

hmm... played warcraft again after god knows how many years and oh my.. hmm.. cheat makes it sian but i am still not in the mood to challenge myself.. so maybe some other day? current favourite is still piano and maple.. hmm.. piano.. sobs.. cant play on my computer.. oh ya.. did i say that laptop is MINE?? muahahaha.. dont ill treat it.. haas.. it has my name on it.. haas

oops.. possessive..

hmm.. serious.. it is time for diet.. i mean.. please.. not for the sake of aniting, but just health.. i know if my weight go above 50kg, i will start to heck care and soon.. unhealthy obesity..

ok.. hmm.. now... touch on the topic that i wanted to a few days back...

i saw these 2 groups of performers recently.. although both are on misson to promote Christianity during chapel, i saw what i always like to see from them..

i think it is only something that performers can understand.. not performing just for the sake of performing but for the sake of the enjoyment that you get from it.. yes.. i felt that before and i got those back in those years...

maybe not as much as those performers that i see but i am starting to miss performing again.. if i did not perform in nanyang cc that day, i bet i will be missing performing even more now..

that form of pleasure that you get when you know that people may be enjoying and people are all looking at you.. the pride that you get when you know that people enjoyed after you put in so much effort...

ya.. maybe given my character.. i am a leo, ok.. half a leo, i want recognition and i got it when i hear praises or when you see result during competition or syf..

yet i know, at the same time, i am getting the enjoyment from the time i spent with friends before and after performances..

although i know how good it feel to be performing and enjoying, i also remember how performing become a form of task and responsibility and job and hmm.. what other word to describe? i tried that before and then i realise that everything can never be the way i want them to be ALL the time...

performances with only 4 or 6 people.. not to say that the feeling is bad or something negative.. but at that point of time, performing is no longer for enjoyment and time spent withfriends but simply performing for the sake of performing..

talk about the enjoyment you brought to others when you are on stage.. it is simply undescribable cause you never know when there maybe someone who simply love what you are doing and enjoying as much as you do...!

To dancers out there!!!
LOVE what you are doing on stage.. you never know who else is enjoying the performance as much as you do.. and you never know if that will be the last time that you are doing that particular step on that particular stage or things like that..
Recall.. when is the last time you perform in your school hall? the esplanade? the kallang theatre? the victoria theatre? the UCC? the drama centre? or maybe just NANYANG CC? haas.. when was the last time? and simply ask yourself.. when will be the NEXT?
you never know..
so LOVE whatever you are doing on stage!!! C=

To other performers out there!!!
LOVE what you do on stage cause you never know how much impact it has on others!!! C=

ok..thats all.. hmm.. more mugging bahss... haas.. do not really have a choice, do i?

i have a choice.. i have the choice to face it all with a SMILE~!!! C=

~*smiles*~
~*i am missing you*~
~*training?*~
~* d= *~
~* C= *~

.::hmm::.

~*maybe it is just the wrong time*~
~*plus the wrong mood factor on too?*~

hmm.. i slept and no way am i feeling better.. i finally know what is wrong... i am feeling frustrated.. why?

i need sleep and i need time.. can i just have both? oh ya.. and i want silence.. i dont want a sister to be ranting away.. trying to ask me to go and clear the tings up when she can jolly well do it herself..

slept and forced myself to wake up and back to bed again.. then the ranting and nagging begin...

'ah jie, can u go and throw away the things done by the dogs? can go do now?'

please.. when you are sleeping, will you be willing to get out of bed to go and throw someting when those people have the ability to do it themselves? HELLO.. i know ur have done alot.. so it wun kill to do one more rite?

then after them, it is my dad... drunk as usual, in to try to make me do the tings but in a nicer tone.. took away my blanket and my pillow.. hate that.. no choice.. and after doing the tings, i wen back to bed..

then come again..

'oh shit.. ah jie, can u help me refill the printer ink?'

please.. ok.. say i am LAZY...

I AM PLAIN LAZY..

who will drag herself out of bed? so i replied

'when u need it? can i do it tomorrow?'

and then the shouting come... 'MONDAY GOT TEST LA.. NEVERMIND.. I DO IT MYSELF!!!'

oh mine.. dont need to be like that de rite? then she was real loud when she shouted that.. hmm.. then i tried to tell her..

'leave it there.. i do later.. i make sure u see the ting in the morning..'

ok.. that did not get into her head.. then mama come in.. SCOLD.. whatelse?

'the person say, ink omost finish jiu have to refill le.. ur everyting oso later later... later spoil'

then my sis contributed her thoughts... 'ah jie everytime refill cartridge also didnt fill it up totally...'

WHATEVER!!! that is really so freaking WHATEVER.. do it yourself then..

ok.. to avoid argument and to prevent me from saying anyting bad and making the whole situation worse, i oli sat there and cry and they bombed me with words.. ok.. end of story...

suddenly i feel very tired.. crying dont help.. what is wrong? how i wish u r with me now.. iz oli less than a month of intense studying and i am feeling this bad.. how to hold on till november? i dont know..

~*smiles*~
~*i will*~

.::hmm.. maybe 2?::.

~*haas*~
~*thats the time that i am going to bed*~

ok.. i know it is late.. haas.. tomorrow will be a day filled with coffee.. hmmm... drown in coffee... bleahs.. haas

ok..

hmm.. got something to blog about but decided not to..

~*smiles*~
~*good night*~

.::OH NO::.

~*ok*~
~*nothing much accomplished*~

rarr.. who is going to go out and mug with me? i think the bestest place is still plaza singapura.. rarr.. hmm.. sorry.. i mean.. more cold.. ya, but more ideal for studying..

at least plaza sing dont make me feel like sleeping.. and i am not going to take too much food tomorrow.. haas.. had enough today.. and at the wrong time and that equals to me going fatter.. later no body want me ah.. rarr.. haas.. d=

kidding.. haas.. but still have to watch diet de right? someone asked me to gain 5 kg or something by the end of this year?maybe it will be possible? but please, it will be real bad..

hmm.. had a happy day and i really didnt not mind.. i think it is time to not waste sms and write a letter?haas.. yea.. maybe.. C=

i still think that nothing beats writing letters.. or maybe writing diaries? haas.. ok.. going off to write later.. and i think i would not touch my bed until 2? haas.. d=

ok.. going to write and copy and then my maths.. C=

~*smiles*~
~*you are with me*~
~* C= *~

.::hmm::.

~*tired*~

nothing much done today.. haas.. but dont care.. i will chiong tomorrow!!!C=

hmm.. ok.. so i am not that guai afterall? d= haas.. I AM OK!!! C=

hmm.. nothing much to write.. i haven finish The Lakehouse.. haas.. faster faster.. hmm...

i am feeling sinful from all that eating.. hmm.. control... and MORE exercise!!! C=

i am feeling more and more like a pig.. maybe i should sleep now? hmm.. ya.. maybe.. haas.. i think i will.. haas

how to tell mr lim tomorrow.. keep telling him no MC.. haas.. oops.. i think we all know the real reason la.. haas..

ok.. going off to write something and ya.. hmm.. to bed!!! C=

~*smiles*~
`you are with me
`i know you are
`smile with me
`we are ok
`lets put on an act?
~* C= *~
~* d= *~

.::understand::.

~*determined to get it on my blog*~

oh no. heavy headed the whole day.. on and off.. cold and warm.. and ya.. maybe falling sick soon.. hmm.. more mugging to come..

teacher praised me TODAY!!! C=

ok.. random.. anyway.. i am broke.. sobs.. when will they return me the money for the service learning?

ok..

hmm.. i think i seriously need to curb my mood swings.. but seriously, a person can never be all the while happy.. like that will get into trouble.. sometimes must sad a while then will understand and learn to treasure happiness.. am i right?

then.. ok.. understanding.. i was thinking.. hmm.. how do you totally understand someone? it is just something so so so difficult.. but i am trying.. C;

anyway.. i mean, i can know what the person is feeling, know what the person is planning or plotting, but does that mean i understand him? if that is understanding, then i think i am quite proud of myself.. other than that great failure on that particular day..

hmm.. ok.. didnt realised that people were pissed off.. how useless can i feel? haas.. i think i was busy lightening the mood.. sorry.. hmm.. abit late to apologise now though.. hmm... hold on.. i apologised before le ok?

haas.. hmm..

ya.. so someone please define understanding please.. i mean.. how to totally understand someone?how you gauge it? hmm..

ok.. nevermind.. no school tomorrow.. rarr.. stay at home.. mugging.. mugging and more chionging.. hmm..

ok.. heavy head.. maybe i am too tired.. i mean.. who wouldn't be tired after a day like that? i didnt really complete much though.. i wasted a day... MING TIAN HUI GEN HAO...

~*smiles*~
~*when the sun shine and when the rain falls*~
~*i know you will be with me*~
~* C= *~
`i read someone's blog and i realise that I LOVE YOU is just such a powerful phrase.. hmm..
`yet, i think that there are some people who can just let it out of their mouth just like that...
`maybe it dont mean that much to some people afterall?
`to me, it is a sacred phrase...
`so i mean it when i say it... C=

.::rarr::.

~*HUNGRY*~

my mother is sleeping.. with no intention to cook.. maybe i should cook? hmm.. NOPE.. not today.. i am dying from maths.. rarr...

completed quite alot today ok? hmm.. will have more time next week le.. these 2 weeks have the most heavy work load.. hmm.. ok..

tuesday!!! finally the polling day holiday.. go out!!! C=

haas.. i bet my sister will be feeling rarr rarr if she is reading this entry.. cause god knows when their school will return them their polling day holiday.. hmm.. or have they returned them le.. just that it turn out to be a HALF DAY?

haas

ok.. fireworks festival finally came to an end.. i went to 3 different places to view the 4 sessions and i am feeling guilty.. forever pulling that same person with me to watch... and always end up going home late.. hmm.. get well soon..

ok.. fireworks festival.. finally knew and felt what my mother went through 2 years ago.. ashes falling on you.. ya.. i experienced that yesterday.. but it was one of the most comfortable time out of the 4.. cause we get to sit.. ok.. the one at the NTUC building was nice too.. but whoo.. the breeze.. feng diao.. haas

hmm... i am growing fat.. when exams come near, it just seems to be like a period for hibernation.. i mean.. you do nothing except for sitting there and mug.. and then you get tired.. to keep yourself awake, either you drown yourself with coke, tea or coffee.. anyone is just as bad.. sweet and fattening.. if not, it will be chocolate or simply something to throw into your mouth for you to munch to keep you awake..

so.. maybe after my a level, you will see a fat girl? oh no.. later nobody want me.. haas

hmm.. what else? tired.. more maths.. cant complete any questions.. ok.. cant complete most of the questions.. more mugging and more practice.. i bet the teacher is going to ask me tomorrow for my practices for biology and chemistry.. hmm.. nevermind.. do more math to make up for it..

tomorrow is until 3.15... yawn.. but nevermind.. have a holiday ahead.. more mugging.. C=

all thanks to the ONE HOUR that she claim that she will take.. in the end i think she is playing la.. then that means she used TWO HOURS.. rarr.. ok.. nevermind.. hmph..

haas.. what should i eat? craving for something.. what is that thing? ShiLin? SweetTalk?

dont know la..

Luo Bo Tou went down for her first walk.. haas.. ok. .i mean Carrot.. my dog.. ok.. didnt tag along so dont know how was the walk.. but i know that Baby's harness is too big for her.. have to use rubber band to tie.. rarr.. clever me... i tie and she went down for her walk.. poor baby have to stay at home...

ok.. bye bye.. nothing much to type.. and i realise something.. i am having problem with typing '...' i am so used to just typing '..' haas.. oops.. most of the time la.. haas...

more mugging.. maybe slacking.. chiong after dinner? haas...

~*smiles*~
~*decode this*~
~*4056830968*~
I WANT THE LIPSTICK PHONE!!!
ok.. random..
~* C= *~

.::whats wrong??::.

~*hello?*~
~*is it the world or me?*~

ok.. dont know whats wrong?maybe today is friday.. hmm..

what is the link here? dont know.. no link...

ok.. people crying.. people giving sian diao faces.. people getting pissed off.. people getting fed up... and hmm.. i think for once i am not affected by them..

i was hyped through out.. and now here i am thinking back.. i was laughing my head off like crazy.. like no one's business.. i mean.. ya.. hmm.. dont know.. i mean.. even though i am tired...

haix.. dont know la.. maybe it is really time to lock myself at home.. oh no.. if i lock myself at home, nothing good will happen..

i mean.. the moment i reach home, i am like rarrr.. shouting at my sister.. and i think i kept going huh huh huh today.. dont know whats wrong with my phone.. or is it just my ears?

i shouted at my sis when she tried to talk to me.. nevermind.. i cant hear her...

haix.. whatever... bed time..

~*smiles*~
~*u kicw tiy*~
~*u nuaa tiy*~
~* C= *~

.::hmm::.

~*today is NATIONAL DAY!!!*~
~* C= *~

ok.. here i am.. typing.. oh my god.. i let someone read that book.. rarr.. dont know what will happen? haas.. dont know what to say..

finally have a taste of sweet talk after craving for it for so many days.. haas...

ok.. someone asked me to go and watch fireworks but i didnt go in the end.. i mean.. didnt go with them, but i still go in the end.. d= sorry.. haas

saw alot of people.. hmm.. ok.. really nothing to say..

haas

ok.. back to more chionging and mugging.. have to chiong maths.. haas..

thats all.. nothing to write mahs.. happy things never come here.. C;

how i wish the fireworks are just for me.. !!! C=

d=

~*smiles*~
~*let the time pause*~
~* C= *~

.::SORRY!!!::.

~*2 issues*~
~*one apology*~
~* C= *~

ok.. apologise to you.. i think i should.. hmm.. call that mood swings? i dont know but i just feel so bad.. i mean.. just feel that i should not have let my mood go down and i know how bad it feels when someone is sad and there is nothing that you can do or say to make that person feels better...

hmm.. ok.. sorry... sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.. hmm.. i typed all those ok? haas..

hmm... today...

i didnt really expect myself to feel that way.. i thought i wil never care but apparently, i think i do care.. or is it because i just feel weird? i mean.. how to not feel weird or was i over sensitive? and that everything is ok and alright?

i used to think that, it is ok.. i see them as people who will come and leave my life the way the others do.. i mean.. i dont think i really care.. maybe i dont even care about it now.. i am just wondering what went wrong.. hold on.. i do mind...

ok.. i mind.. i want to know what went wrong.. or was it destinated to be like that as time pass and since this group is big?

i thought everything was on the surface and i will never give it a damn but since like i dont even know myself.. i mean.. i realise i am wrong.. i do care.. and things may seem to be on the surface but i cant deny the fact that they were the ones with me when i was at the most difficult times..

yes i am still in that period of time.. difficult time.. how i wish i can stop this race and have time for the things that do really matters to me..

i know i cant.. i dont have a choice.. even if i know i am going to fail this race, i know i still have to finish it and take it.. i mean.. ya.. i regret..

to me, all used to be easy.. last minute work is nothing.. but now i cant.. i mean.. call this last minute bahs.. it is really last minute..

i didnt realise it can be that difficult... but i am wrong and ya.. here i am struggling..

ok.. they were the ones with me.. there to help me... now.. should i just have predicted this day to come?

not making sense here.. ok.. i predicted this day to come but i didnt expect myself to be expected by it.. ok.. i mean.. ya.. i thought i would not give it a damn but i realise i am wrong...

ok.. now.. when will my holidays come? my schedule is up.. on and going.. haix.. work piling up at the same time.. how to consult your teachers when there is no time for practice? ok..

what am i doing here? i should be mugging right? ok.. tomorrow there is this service learning thing and here i am preparing for the thing.. haix.. dont want to say le lah.. i mean.. ok.. fine whatever...

so tomorrow is the 8th ah? haas.. i said i will be there to remind you.. so here i am.. ok.. so? haas.. it is the future that matters.. C=

tomorrow.. announcement.. fireworks!!! C= haas tomorrow.. haas.. 9pm.. C=

~*smiles*~
~*i am perfectly ok*~
~*i am perfectly alright*~
~* C= *~

.::hmm::.

~*hmm*~

ok.. fireworks, yesterday was nice.. haas.. i mean.. the mood was different from the mood that i was having when i watched last year... got new ones this year.. haas... hmm

wad are the few that i like the most.. ? haas.. dont know how to say.. can only when i see it, then i say... 'nei, i like this one'... i think so far got 3 on my list? haas.. purple ones and those that falls like raindrops.. ok.. which dont fall like rain drops? haas..

today.. went pa and went off.. ok.. went out to study ok.. haas.. hmm.. i scare i stay in PA i will start to stone.. i tried studying in pa before... it didnt work.. so ya.. hmm..

tomorrow and the week to come.. mauahhahahaha.. so many days free.. ok.. haas... hmm...

mug mug mug mug.. i know.. i have to chiong..

hmm

when will the race end? i am quite tired.. or is it only for now? i mean.. i only feel tired for tonight?

i dont know.. i never like it when studies is in one of my piorities.. hmm

ok.. something stupid and silly happened.. alot of stupid things happened recently.. i also start to do alot of stupid things recently.. haas..

carrot likes food so she kept jumping onto the table to grab food.. hmm... ok.. she gets no food.. only whacking.. haas

i feel evil.. not i whack her ok.. it is my mama...

ok.. i really dont know what to type le la..

bb

~*smiles*~
~* C= *~

.::fireworks?::.

~*i realise*~

i dont know what i was thinking today.. didnt think much, was too happy bahs.. last year i was roaming around alone during fireworks festival cause i am suffering from some form of post NDP depression.. this year? C=

hmm... so... happy things hardly come onto the blog, as i have said... muahahha...

there is something that i wanted to type but i forgot.. i was tired last night so was sleeping.. i mean, i sleep early.. expect less and less entries bahs.. hmm...

ok...

good night.. i miss my bed.. haas...

~*smiles*~
~*a different year*~
~* C= *~

.::oh my oh my::.

~*random*~

suddenly feel like i have alot to talk about.. cause i think through quite alot of things.. so here i am...

hmm... ok.. maybe talk about today first? hmm... study study study.. haix.. feel that i had done quite alot today.. tomorrow have to continue.. hmm...

ok.. came home late.. hmm.. went to esplanade again? haas.. and before i left, someone shoot me with some questions and i start to think...

declaration.. not sad, not unhappy, not angry, just thinking and abit worried.. for you and for myself?

firstly.. what kind of person am i?

i am someone who dont really know what is the reason that i am doing a certain thing most of the time.. yet, when i say i know what and why i am doing a certain thing and that i want it done that way, means i really know what is the reason behind it.. and sometimes the reason is just that simple..

i am someone who likes to think alot and think rather negatively.. or should i say super negatively? hmm.. and the slightest hint or slightest thing that someone do or someone say, can make me think and think and think and think.. cause i like to assume too.. i mean, i like to assume that there is a reason why the person say something or do something.. most of the time, i can sense the purpose.. then i will start to wonder whether i guessed correctly or maybe sometime, why is that person doing that thing or said those kind of things?

i am someone who think that other people are just like me, as in, i just assume that they will think and think negatively like the way i do.. especially when people just choose to sit there and stone and start to appear as though they are thinking...

i am someone who sometimes like to act like i dont care.. i mean, i will act as though i dont care who is the person who said certain things but maybe i mind and i care, just that i didnt want to show it out...

hmm.. i am like that..

yet, at the same time, i am someone who is actually quite not decisive.. i mean.. usually i would not want to make a decision if i am not sure of what i want.. when i am dumped with a lot of choices, and i dont mind any single one of them, i will just chose to not decide.. thats me...

hmm.. and i realise one thing, as couples gets older and further on in their lives, there are just more things that they can argue and quarrel over.. so we shall start analysing from the top...

when they first met and got together, everything will start out fine and sweet.. then they wil start to worry and get jealous and things like that and there goes the first argument.. then as they move on and they got used to each other being there for them, they will argue one day when they realised that they the other half is not there for them when they needed them the most.. then there goes the second argument...

then as they move on, and fast forward, there will be just little things that they cannot decide and compromise and give in to each other about.. then they will have small dispute here and there until one day they finally get too heated up and there will usually goes the third argument, which sometimes can actually be the forth or the fifth already as the other 2 mentioned infront can actually happen more than once.. infact all argument can happen more than once...

ok.. so as they move on, some may realise that the other half is not giving them enough attention le.. then they start to fear that the other half is not beingfaithful and fear of losing them. then they will start to doubt and that feeling is not nice.. i mean.. no one will like the other half doubting them so there goes the next argument, is that the forth on the list?

then they grow up and those argument goes on in life.. then come to this day when they maybe decide to settle down? there comes even more argument.. ok.. the fifth on the list.. wedding dates, sixth on the list, the house that they should buy, the seventh on the list, should they spend money on things, or what type of car they should buy, etc.

when they finally get married and settled down furthere more, there comes the eighth argument, which is sometimes rather stupid yet happening in the daily life.. they will start to be unhappy about each others way of living and things like, why you squeeze the toothpaste tube in the centre? will just come out and boom.. argue..

yet one day, they will get used to each other and then there maybe other argument like how many kids that they should have? the maybe the tenth argument will be the way they teach their children and maybe the eleventh will be the school that they want to send their children to.. and maybe the twelveth will be complaining that the other half, be it mother or father, not spending enough time with their kids.. hmm..

ok.. thats a whole lot of arguments le.. and please, for all those mention, there is a high chance of it being repeated.. i mean, it sure will.. so there is actually more things to argue each time.. haas.. oops.. laughing? werid me...

now... those are the things that make life, life and turn those likes and crushes into love.. and there are just so many things that can be avoided.. i mean argument.. being avoided..

when you decide that you want the love to last, make sure that you put in effort...

when you decide that you want that person to be with you forever, make sure you share things with that person.. he or she dont need to be always top on your list, but make sure he or she is not the bottom few..

when you decide that you want to make that special someone happy, make sure that you dont make that person sad by not taking good care of yourself or doing stupid things to hurt yourself.. you never know, sometimes the easier way to make someone happy is just a call, a message, a card, or just something small... you dont need a reason to shower your loved ones with love and care and sometimes gifts...

and dont underestimate a call.. how important is communication? dont let things out only at the last minute when things are already on the verge of coming to and end and just before that volcanoe erupt, you let out all those unhappy things.. do you think that helps? NO.. so whatever unhappy things or things that you do not agree with, let it out... i mean.. tell it to your other half as soon as possible...

hmm.. now.. let me think of my future? those basic and common questions..

how big must your house be?
hmm.. it can be small and cosy... it can be big and comfy.. shouldnt i be discussin that with my other half in the future when the time comes? since it is a house that belong to both of us?

how big must your family car be?
is there really a need for a car? hmm.. discuss...

how many children do you want to have?
erm, anything, but i think definitely not just 1.. i mean, i dont want my child to be so lonely at home. yet, another thing that should be discussed with my other half, i am not the only looking after them right?

work or be housewife?
hmm.. discuss...

oh.. whatever.. type until i sian liao.. cause even if you continue, you will just realise that all of the things in the end will end up with discussing with your the other half cause they will be in your life..

`love brings them into your life and make them part of your life..
`love teaches you how to appreciate them just the way they are and teaches you how to give and take..
`love made the other half part of your life
`love is something that no matter how old you are, you still need to learn.. learn how to love someone the right, the better or even the best way...
`love is just something that makes life, life
`yet love is also something that comes along with life...

so what is life without love and will there even be love if there is no life?

hmm.. does everything make sense? haas..

and that is just love.. C=

~*smiles*~
~*what will my future be like?*~
~*lead me there?*~
~* C= *~

.::PLAZA SINGAPURA::.

~*Ouch*~

ok.. random, but i have a stupid cut on my leg.. why? because of the stupid track pantst that i am wearing now.. the stupid zip or something la.. random.. lets move on...

today.. hmm... haas.. cool.. ok.. wrong word.. cold.. i mean.. plaza singapura is super cold.. i think i am going back there again tomorrow.. C=

today.. not that cold at first.. so i found someone who is an even better heat conductor than me.. haas.. in the end hands are colder than mine...

i did complete something today.. feel proud.. i am sure i will be able to complete more tomorrow.. chiong ah..

today during the last lecture, ok.. no, before my 1 hour break, which is during gp, i was feeling weird.. can feel that my body temperature is not normal le.. i mean, not the usual that i am having.. cause i am feeling wrong in my head.. i mean.. my head feel heavy...

then during math lecture.. omg.. its abit worse and so i didnt pay attention and sleep, hoping that it will be ok when i wake up.. so ya.. it didnt really help..maybe lecture hall is cold.. but apparently my friend said that the lecture hall is warmer than usual.. o.0 ok.. hmm.. something wrong with me...

when lecture end, went out.. the moment i stepped out of the lecture hall, i feel cold.. hmm. all the way until i cross the road, my hands are still cold.. hmm.. not freezing cold though.. but after a while, jiu ok le...

C=

then chiong and walked.. hmm..

if only i can have a whole day free.. i know how to spend it.. i didnt really want you to go, but apparently i know which is more important.. so ya.. hmm.. haas..

chiong!!!C=

ANNOUCEMENT!!! THERE IS FIREWORK ON THE 5TH, 8TH, 11TH AND 12TH AUGUST!!! C=

lets count down to year end when i will be free. and start to plan and save up? haas.. looking forwards to trips and outings!!!

~*JIAYOU*~
~*SMILES*~
`How do you hold onto someone whom you have never met?
`[u kicw tiy]

.::here i am::.

~*nothing to talk about*~

i only know i need to chiong.. chiong so that i can have more time to enjoy.. hmm.. anyway.. i feel like roaming again...

roaming around again sounds cool to me.. go alone, walk around just like what i used to do.. maybe i should rest early tonight? wrong mood now.. i think because i am worried.. ya... still.. you dont sound ok.. hmm

ok.. tomorrow.. go out study... it is a nice place to study.. provided you remember to bring your jacket.. it is omg de cold there...

hmm.. feeling sorry too.. i mean.. guilty.. ya.. digging up the past can be scary.. so i promise i wouldnt.. it is a PROMISE... something that i think i can hold on to and not break it..

hmm.. ok.. thats all bahs.. study!!!

~*smiles*~
~*hope you are ok*~