No one ever taught me that we have to take different role, take different approach when it comes to handling certain people. Nobody taught me that I cant do the same things as you do and I have to speak to them in another way.
But things doesnt help when I have such a bad morning and the next moment, that person came to me. I tell myself I will talk to her nicely but all she does was just 'shout' at me. You will only understand when you sit there.
I wonder why am I allowing myself to go through all those when the person sitting infront of me is just a supplier? But I know that I can never get that same price else where. So after putting up, I cry. Stupid and useless but thats about it.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
坚强
今天有人告诉我，我要坚强，不可以有半点垮下的现象。这样我才能勇敢，才能配的上。
可是我可以不要勇敢了吗？因为我怕。我怕当我学会了，我还是会一个人。原来，要选择离开比什么都来的困难。可是，也忘了，曾几何时，沉默变成了我们的沟通方式。
The Irreplaceable One
Do you believe that there is always this irreplaceable one in your life, with an attachment that is irreplaceable?
I was once told that, and I once believed in that. The inability to imagine life without someone might be the reason that made me believe in it then.
But over the days, I realised that this kind of bond or attachment might have the chance of being replaced.
I remembered those days when everything seems right and now, desperately trying to find out what is wrong and putting everything back into place, hoping that I will have enough time for all of that to happen.
I remembered how it felt to be afraid of someone, frightened by the fact that I am going out with that person. How the moment we meet up, the moment we start to talk, I am like giving all sorts of information, like 交待-ing. It was so pretty obvious to the one listening but not to me, only at the end of the whole conversation did I realise what I have been doing and it felt like a total embarrassment.
I remembered how I will make sure that I have something in my hand or I tucked my hand somewhere that couldn’t be reached. How I stand far on the other side of the lift on the way up. How I always hope that I will not meet any red light that I have to stop or any long red light.
But then some things are just meant to be. On a day that was so important to someone, I probably made it the worst day ever. Compared to whatever fear I felt with another person, the idea of living with someone else who I cannot comprehend was so much worse. It was once comfortable but when it is not, and I start to compare when we are not alone but with other people, I decided that this wasn’t what I want. Not the kind of event I will like to turn up in, not the kind of people that I can imagine myself hanging out with, not the kind of situation I will like to put myself into, not the kind of feeling that I wanted myself to be in. I don’t want to be with a group of people, older than me but not in thinking wise. It makes feel that I am moving back instead of forward.
There was no love then I suppose. The painful truth there and then was that. There might be once feelings of thrill and crush that teenagers have but not love, for either one, at that moment.
It might be just something for my lonely soul then. But things didn’t go well when things start to drain energy away. Maybe going back to something familiar then was the better alternative. Like the saying goes, it is always better to be with someone who loves you more than you love him.
Something just made me realised the fact that then, whatever choice I made was just the best of the two alternatives. And yes, with time, love can blossom. But by then, everything seems too late.
I was once told that, and I once believed in that. The inability to imagine life without someone might be the reason that made me believe in it then.
But over the days, I realised that this kind of bond or attachment might have the chance of being replaced.
I remembered those days when everything seems right and now, desperately trying to find out what is wrong and putting everything back into place, hoping that I will have enough time for all of that to happen.
I remembered how it felt to be afraid of someone, frightened by the fact that I am going out with that person. How the moment we meet up, the moment we start to talk, I am like giving all sorts of information, like 交待-ing. It was so pretty obvious to the one listening but not to me, only at the end of the whole conversation did I realise what I have been doing and it felt like a total embarrassment.
I remembered how I will make sure that I have something in my hand or I tucked my hand somewhere that couldn’t be reached. How I stand far on the other side of the lift on the way up. How I always hope that I will not meet any red light that I have to stop or any long red light.
But then some things are just meant to be. On a day that was so important to someone, I probably made it the worst day ever. Compared to whatever fear I felt with another person, the idea of living with someone else who I cannot comprehend was so much worse. It was once comfortable but when it is not, and I start to compare when we are not alone but with other people, I decided that this wasn’t what I want. Not the kind of event I will like to turn up in, not the kind of people that I can imagine myself hanging out with, not the kind of situation I will like to put myself into, not the kind of feeling that I wanted myself to be in. I don’t want to be with a group of people, older than me but not in thinking wise. It makes feel that I am moving back instead of forward.
There was no love then I suppose. The painful truth there and then was that. There might be once feelings of thrill and crush that teenagers have but not love, for either one, at that moment.
It might be just something for my lonely soul then. But things didn’t go well when things start to drain energy away. Maybe going back to something familiar then was the better alternative. Like the saying goes, it is always better to be with someone who loves you more than you love him.
Something just made me realised the fact that then, whatever choice I made was just the best of the two alternatives. And yes, with time, love can blossom. But by then, everything seems too late.
先入为主
先入为主。
1. 以为先接受的思想或形成的印象是正确的,不容易再听取不同的意见。即怀有成见
I supposed that was what happened over the phone on Monday night.
1. 以为先接受的思想或形成的印象是正确的,不容易再听取不同的意见。即怀有成见
I supposed that was what happened over the phone on Monday night.
The opposites
Opposites do attract.
I once thought that lying next to someone I love is warm, but turns out it is not how I thought it will be.
I was once glad that I found warmth. Once. I really mean physically.
And with expectation, comes disappointment. I should be immuned to them by now. Should be, I have to be.
And the dream on Monday night, I rather I didnt dream. Because waking up to nothing, is the worst situation anyone can be in. At least I didnt dream last night, though I had the urge to go over every night.
Wake up!
I once thought that lying next to someone I love is warm, but turns out it is not how I thought it will be.
I was once glad that I found warmth. Once. I really mean physically.
And with expectation, comes disappointment. I should be immuned to them by now. Should be, I have to be.
And the dream on Monday night, I rather I didnt dream. Because waking up to nothing, is the worst situation anyone can be in. At least I didnt dream last night, though I had the urge to go over every night.
Wake up!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Bad Day
A rainy morning, a bad jam, a bad drive to work, and to realise that the computer doesnt have sound, and needs to reboot, to realising that the gold ring on my table is gone.
It is gold in colour but it doesnt mean it is real gold IDIOTS! Ungrateful bastards.
Super pissed. I am to blame for leaving it there but then again, why steal?!
And if I dont even have $10, why would I ask him to wait for me to be back. So what if that is all that I am left with? Blame it on shopping. Too much shopping. But that comment was totally unnecessary. Not like I like the fact that I am broke.
It is gold in colour but it doesnt mean it is real gold IDIOTS! Ungrateful bastards.
Super pissed. I am to blame for leaving it there but then again, why steal?!
And if I dont even have $10, why would I ask him to wait for me to be back. So what if that is all that I am left with? Blame it on shopping. Too much shopping. But that comment was totally unnecessary. Not like I like the fact that I am broke.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
What a day...
What a day. I am feeling so warm now. Oh my...
Hmm. There was something that I wanted to blog about and I forgot about what it is all about. There is so many things that I go through my mind all day about what I should blog about but at the end of the day, I forgot all about it. Oh my.
But... hmm... so many things crossed my mind today. Doing so many things and all the time driving, so many time to think. Haha. so many things went pass my mind. Haha.
Shall go knit.
Hmm. There was something that I wanted to blog about and I forgot about what it is all about. There is so many things that I go through my mind all day about what I should blog about but at the end of the day, I forgot all about it. Oh my.
But... hmm... so many things crossed my mind today. Doing so many things and all the time driving, so many time to think. Haha. so many things went pass my mind. Haha.
Shall go knit.
Monday, August 16, 2010
A happy day
总的来说，昨晚是一个蛮开心的一晚。
And for now, I am sleepy. Is it true that I can no longer live without the car? Hmm. Or is it just another habit that one have to get rid of? hmm. Something to ponder over.
Shall try to study tonight. Hmm.
Should I stay in the office or should I go home and study?
Today is 七七情人节.
Sometimes, I just hope that I dont try so hard to be good and right all the time. I will remember that smile when I opened the violin. Should I call that a laugh? haha. That makes my day.
And for now, I am sleepy. Is it true that I can no longer live without the car? Hmm. Or is it just another habit that one have to get rid of? hmm. Something to ponder over.
Shall try to study tonight. Hmm.
Should I stay in the office or should I go home and study?
Today is 七七情人节.
Sometimes, I just hope that I dont try so hard to be good and right all the time. I will remember that smile when I opened the violin. Should I call that a laugh? haha. That makes my day.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
at night
At night, when all i see, he is just a tired man who needs some comfort and someone to make him feel better. And I suppose that's all that I can do. And maybe that's why I wanna be around at night. And that's the time that I love him the most. Because there is no more energy for anything else.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
too desperate
I realise I'm desperately trying to be part of someone's life. So desperate that I end up looking like an idiot because the things I do are never relevant and never up to date because I am never informed. Fuck it. I should stop this shit
sleepyhead
Had lunch with the boyfriend, or rather he pei me eat. And now I'm sleepy. And the cough coming back. :(
IRRITATED!
FUCKING HELL!
It is so very crude but nothing can explain the feeling and the amount of frustration now other than that word or another way will be to kill myself to vent it.
Get me out of all these shit.
Totally ridiculous and horrendous and to top it all off, I have this TAMADE craving for macdonalds breakfast which I fail to realise that L is going to central. But I suppose it doesnt really matter cause he will never know I want to eat. ARGH. KILL ME PLEASE~!
It is so very crude but nothing can explain the feeling and the amount of frustration now other than that word or another way will be to kill myself to vent it.
Get me out of all these shit.
Totally ridiculous and horrendous and to top it all off, I have this TAMADE craving for macdonalds breakfast which I fail to realise that L is going to central. But I suppose it doesnt really matter cause he will never know I want to eat. ARGH. KILL ME PLEASE~!
dropped
I dropped a bead from the winnie casing. And the Winnie casing is cracking. :( I think it is the vibration of the car lor. :(
And I drank a bottle of beer. Seh but feel good. My eyes pain pain. :(
Friday, August 13, 2010
To drive or not to drive
People envy that I can drive. That I can go places as and when I like.
But I rather hope that I don't know how to drive. When you want to drive, no one send you home, no one send you up to your house, no one visit your house, and most importantly, no more talking opportunity to talk because you are hardly in the same car.
So much time, but the things being talke about is even less than a friend met once a week I suppose.
Shit. I want to read! :)
How to say it out?
I felt ridiculous yesterday when I was trying to suggest to him about something. That fear that I had before I even asked. And after I asked, he sort of 'rejected' me, not seeming to know what I was trying to drive at... But I think it didnt really matter to him.
And waking up together, coming to work together, he is hungry, I should be too. and today is just another day that he didnt bother to ask. There are days that he asked.
The senerio below:
H: 'Shift your car to the back, let him park infront, becareful, got pipe behind'
M: 'Ok, like that enough for him to park?'
H: 'You move back somemore la'
M: 'But you say behind got pipe? -.-'
After all these, the other car doesnt want to shift. So H came back to the car, took his bag, with me still sitting in the driver seat, with the ignition on, leg still on the foot brake, and H was about to walk off.
M: 'So ok liao la?'
H: 'Ya'
What the hell? and he doesnt talk to me after that, but the next moment he is happily talking to someone else. Everyone else pissed him off now except her I suppose. Yes, please say it is jealousy, like I care. -.- Did I step on your tail?
Repeatedly trying to be good and nice, but the next morning, whatever that I did was plain shit.
I am just an easy target for you to vent your frustration. Admit it.
And waking up together, coming to work together, he is hungry, I should be too. and today is just another day that he didnt bother to ask. There are days that he asked.
The senerio below:
H: 'Shift your car to the back, let him park infront, becareful, got pipe behind'
M: 'Ok, like that enough for him to park?'
H: 'You move back somemore la'
M: 'But you say behind got pipe? -.-'
After all these, the other car doesnt want to shift. So H came back to the car, took his bag, with me still sitting in the driver seat, with the ignition on, leg still on the foot brake, and H was about to walk off.
M: 'So ok liao la?'
H: 'Ya'
What the hell? and he doesnt talk to me after that, but the next moment he is happily talking to someone else. Everyone else pissed him off now except her I suppose. Yes, please say it is jealousy, like I care. -.- Did I step on your tail?
Repeatedly trying to be good and nice, but the next morning, whatever that I did was plain shit.
I am just an easy target for you to vent your frustration. Admit it.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
More blogging and twittering
I think I am blogging so super often that it makes it looks more like a twitter instead le.
Someone asked me... How can you stand.....?
I think it is love. Who asked why I was constantly unhappy? Hmm. Maybe the answer is...
And I am super hungry now la...
Someone asked me... How can you stand.....?
I think it is love. Who asked why I was constantly unhappy? Hmm. Maybe the answer is...
And I am super hungry now la...
For one moment
For one moment, I thought I was going to get scolded again. Black face :( scary. Who understand. I didnt lose the thing this time round
I want to read! :D
I want to read! :D
Great Books
I got some great books from the library. Tony Parsons
Man And Boy - About Tony Parsons bringing up his son as a single dad suddenly
My Favourite Wife - About marriage
Stories We Could Tell - I not sure what it is about. But I am quite sure that it will be great
I cant remember the other title.
I cried before sleeping last night, I cried when I was driving last night, it felt very bad. Hmm. I guess I need a shoulder. I remember how I sat downstairs of my house, crying, trying to find a solution. And now, I am crying trying to find a solution for the decision made then.
I wanted to go home last night. I have no clothes to wear, so ended up, I am dress quite shabby for audit today.
And I am hungry. Very hungry.
Shall go work.
爱越深，恨越多
Man And Boy - About Tony Parsons bringing up his son as a single dad suddenly
My Favourite Wife - About marriage
Stories We Could Tell - I not sure what it is about. But I am quite sure that it will be great
I cant remember the other title.
I cried before sleeping last night, I cried when I was driving last night, it felt very bad. Hmm. I guess I need a shoulder. I remember how I sat downstairs of my house, crying, trying to find a solution. And now, I am crying trying to find a solution for the decision made then.
I wanted to go home last night. I have no clothes to wear, so ended up, I am dress quite shabby for audit today.
And I am hungry. Very hungry.
Shall go work.
爱越深，恨越多
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
what a day
I'm getting angry and I feel like hating. Hmm. I have to go back and work later. Haha. The late night is to compensate for my playing and enjoyment. :)
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
What is left?
What is left?
The 'We' no longers includes me.
Working late into the night is only left with me, and the 'We' is someone else.
Writing something, constantly looking up to check the chat window is what I am constantly doing.
There is always something there that I am thinking, and hoping, and wanting to have. But hmm... what is left?
The 'We' no longers includes me.
Working late into the night is only left with me, and the 'We' is someone else.
Writing something, constantly looking up to check the chat window is what I am constantly doing.
There is always something there that I am thinking, and hoping, and wanting to have. But hmm... what is left?
Hong Kong
How I wish it is always holiday... just came back from hong kong. bought a lot of things. spent a lot of money. realise i am broke. and realise that i hope that everyday is holiday.
Sometimes, there are things in life that needs to be sacrificed. I onced sacrificed Love for Work, then Family for Love sub-conciously then Family for Work, and maybe Work for Love sub-conciously again.
Does the statement make sense?
How I wish everyday is holiday...
I am very tired. Very tired from all the nonsense. How does it feels to fly high and fall hard.
I love the time at night when we talk in bed before we sleep.
Sometimes, there are things in life that needs to be sacrificed. I onced sacrificed Love for Work, then Family for Love sub-conciously then Family for Work, and maybe Work for Love sub-conciously again.
Does the statement make sense?
How I wish everyday is holiday...
I am very tired. Very tired from all the nonsense. How does it feels to fly high and fall hard.
I love the time at night when we talk in bed before we sleep.
Ridiculous
I had enough of all those ridiculous dreams. Once, I dreamt my boyfriend marrying another girl. And last night I dreamt of my boyfriend doing something else weird and... Argh~! I hate this. -.-
Maybe this is the one that is energy draining.
Maybe this is the one that is energy draining.
Thursday, August 05, 2010
it has been a while
已经一个多月了。有点不知所措。怎么办好呢？谁能来点一盏灯来指引我？
I'm hungry. And I'm still stuck with drawing. -.- it better come out the same thing tomorrow! Haha
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Got from someone's blog
45 Things Girls Love But Won't Ask For
1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.
6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.
11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she can't get to her friends. it makes her feel loved.
16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she's beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.
21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
22. Tell her she's your everything - only if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so just hug her
24. Make her feel loved.
25. kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!!!!*
26. don't lie to HER.*
27. DON'T cheat on her.*
28. take her ANYWHERE she wants
29. txt messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her.
30. be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can ALWAYS count on you.*
31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold YOU too.
32. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.*
33. Kiss her on the CHEEK; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).*
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.
35. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her.
36. When people DISS her, stand up for her.*
37. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.*
38. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her HAND.*
40. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as long as possible*
41. Call or text her at night to wish her SWEET DREAMS*
42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears.*
43. Take her for LONG walks at night.
44. ALWAYS Remind her how much you love her.*
45.sit on top of her and tell her how much u love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while sitting on her.
1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.
6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.
11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she can't get to her friends. it makes her feel loved.
16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she's beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.
21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
22. Tell her she's your everything - only if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so just hug her
24. Make her feel loved.
25. kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!!!!*
26. don't lie to HER.*
27. DON'T cheat on her.*
28. take her ANYWHERE she wants
29. txt messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her.
30. be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can ALWAYS count on you.*
31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold YOU too.
32. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.*
33. Kiss her on the CHEEK; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).*
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.
35. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her.
36. When people DISS her, stand up for her.*
37. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.*
38. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her HAND.*
40. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as long as possible*
41. Call or text her at night to wish her SWEET DREAMS*
42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears.*
43. Take her for LONG walks at night.
44. ALWAYS Remind her how much you love her.*
45.sit on top of her and tell her how much u love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while sitting on her.
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
Yes, I wanted attention!
Haha. For the first time, I drove under the influence of medicine. I feel half drunk when I was driving home last night. And had fever yesterday when I was at the doctor. And I had fever just now when I was driving to pick my sis and mum up.
Repeated coughing and no one asked about me.
Yesterday when I was driving to poly marina, there was a jam at the junction due to an accident between a bus and two big lorry.
Waste time. And now, I only hope that I will faster recover. I want a good trip.
Sometimes I wonder why people don't talk. Is it because there is nothing much to talk?
I'm tired. :( I feel like there is so much not done and there is always something that is draining my energy away. :(
Monday, August 02, 2010
The new toy!
I had a new toy as a birthday gift. Ok, not really a toy, but a super cool gift that I wanted all the while. And I got it. All thanks to a few people who shared for it. Now I am going to enjoy the thing by bring it out to read more often!
See! And I just managed to get abook from AMAZON! The girl with the dragon tatoo! It better be nice! Haha.
Thank you, Jasmine, Mervyn, Ivy, Hidayat, Siew Hoon, HuiPing, Meiting, Roy, Julia and most importantly, Lawrence! I think i missed out some people. :p oh no.
Thank you, Jasmine, Mervyn, Ivy, Hidayat, Siew Hoon, HuiPing, Meiting, Roy, Julia and most importantly, Lawrence! I think i missed out some people. :p oh no.
Just when
Just when I thought I can move on to ISO, take time to go see doctor, prepare for afternoon exam, prepare for tomorrow major presentation, people get scolded for something that I failed.
Basic Thermo is beyong impossible that took me a day to finish. crap.
Basic Thermo is beyong impossible that took me a day to finish. crap.
Bad feeling
I have a bad feeling that I am losing control and all is starting over again. Thats what happened on the 1st I think. Always.
A sleepy day
Having a very sleepy monday morning. All thanks to the cough last night. I fell asleep infront of the tv, end up, a bad cough woke me up. Worry that it will happen again, I make sure I had water with me, before going to bed.
I managed to get to sleep at 1.10, only to wake up at 2 by another hit of cough.
I want to know what is causing all these sudden acute cough that makes me cough uncontrollably and leaving me in tears. :( it could be the following link:
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Respiratory-Disorders/laryngeal-spasm/show/519516
but the thing is, other than Chunchun, no one understand this kind of bad cough. :(
To people, it is just another bad cough. But I am quite sure it is more than that! :(
I managed to get to sleep at 1.10, only to wake up at 2 by another hit of cough.
I want to know what is causing all these sudden acute cough that makes me cough uncontrollably and leaving me in tears. :( it could be the following link:
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Respiratory-Disorders/laryngeal-spasm/show/519516
but the thing is, other than Chunchun, no one understand this kind of bad cough. :(
To people, it is just another bad cough. But I am quite sure it is more than that! :(
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