.::hope, tats wad i m tinking now::.

~*why m i tinking abt tat again?*~

~*i m not brave enuff*~

i tout thru tings again... after so long tat i decide to let go, i m tinking abt it again..how stupid can i get?

i haf given up... the definition of given up is he dun occupy much of my touts animore... tat doesnt mean tat i dun tink of him...

it is not long, but 1 year is more dan enuff... more dan enuff for mi to haf trouble letting go totalli...

ya, i haf given up, but i still haf hope... i still hope tat sumting will happen... sum miracle or sumting.. i said miracle cos i know it will nv happen...

i know it sounds quite bad and bitchy, but i still haf hope tat he will realise how much i haf done... not alot to be compared wif others sumtimes... but to mi, i never do so much...

i sumhow cant stand seeing him so quiet at times... sumtime i tink i shd go and tok to him, bt i dun like the feeling of toking to him... all along i never like tat... he always gif mi the feeling tat i m toking crap and he cant b bothered... ya, i m toking crap, but...haix... so even now when i see him quiet, i usualli wun tok to him... cox i dun see the point...

the other time,just when i choose to gif up, i still tink alot abt him... little tings tat he do still gif mi hope... but dey r all false hope...

i noe i haf given up... but i dunno how long tat hope will stay within mi... i will try to let go totalli... i haf to... i dun haf a choice...

~*i haf to gif up totalli*~

~*i know i haf to*~

~*i dun haf a choice*~

~*i know him well*~

~*i cant keep him in my heart*~

~*ever since i start waiting*~

~*i lost my right to choose*~

~*the hope wun last long*~

~*i hope it wun*~

.::sbss::.

~*life can be veri fun*~

~*everyting is just my choice*~

i was going super duper hyper wif rachel lahx... haha... as in the past weekend..

first went to hwa chong... hehe... we were looking at shibin.,.. haha... he is cool lor... tats our conclusion...

den we decide to set up a club for him... havoc rite? sbss... stands for ShiBinSoShuai... i tink i was the one whu tout of it... aiya... jus for fun... i dunno how long the craze will last aniway...

i realise tat life can be dis fun... everyting is just plainly my choice... so i shd choose to be happi... :] hehe...

i learnt alot of tings from weihong... to mi, he taught mi a lot of tings... mayb he didnt realise... but i realli learnt alot... hehe... i feel 失败 at times... haha... but good to learn still...

haf to do sumting to my leg... i want to train my legs... my eg suck to the hell lor... i m bad wif my basic... so i swear to train hard after my knee heal...

i want to go to look for cheap 针灸, to solve the swell in my knee... i found cheap one, but i dun haf time!!!

hehe... happi... mrs wong invited mi back for the buffet lunch... honoured sia... bt i will be late aniway... cox i haf to study till 2.15...

i want the 2 dvds... go sms mrs wong and ask her abt it... :P

~*respect is sumting given to sumone hu deserve it*~

~*iz oso sumting tat has to be given out before it can be received*~

.::just plain today::.

~*how to earn respect yet be friends?*~

~*i dun tink i will ever learn tat*~

went to cckss in the afternoon to look for jin wei... i m interested in how he run a mass production... and i went there to look for my auntie hu is one of the canteen vendor...

first i met up wif my auntie and i told her the news abt my uncle... haix... now i wish for all the bestfor him and his family... dey haf alot to look after... i just pray tat his operation will be a success and pray that he will recover fast and be safe and sound

i saw the way he run the whole production sumhow lah... i was wondering how did he managed to be friends wif the youngsters yet at the same time earn their respect when he is commanding dem... iz the standard tat u require from dem...iz tough lor... i tink lah...

~*respect is sumting tat shd be given before u will receive it in return*~

.::sumting wrong::.

~*sad case*~

sumting is just terribly wrong wif my blogs... the template keep mixing up... i tink my com gt prob bahx.... aniway i go slp first tml den say...

i wan to cry le lor

.::crying again... cox i learnt::.

~*looking back*~

~*i expect to realise how silly i was*~

~*but oli to know how sad i was at tat period of time*~

mayb to alot of ppl i dun seem to be going thru alot dose dark days, wichis actualli last week... cox when ur see mi, ur feel tat i m orite...

yeh... i was orite on the surface... aniway, today when i went back to read the entries, not oli m i amazed by how mani entries i post, i was oso amazed by how i managed to get thru dose times...

iz like... even when i read back, i can still remember how sad i was... how i felt tat nuting can kip mi going animore...

but today, ur saw a different mi... i m oright now... i was just too stressed up? cox tings turn out well when i started to go out and play, and when time solve all my questions slowly...

the time pass real slowly... it is... except in the morning when i m in sch... i will not haf time to tink of tat... the rest of the time, i m jus plain depressed... but i m orite now...

i shed tears when i read the entries again... i realised how much friends ard mi played a part in my life... even the person tat i hate most played a part... i learnt to not b merciful to ppl like dem...

i realise tat i may claim tat i dun care, but sumhow, at the end of the day, i care... i just dunno how to say... ix the same feeling as not being able to open ur mouth to tell ur parents : 'i love u'

i realise tat no matter how down i m, sumone or her will always be dere... i m just feeling damn guilty tat becox of mi, i hai until so mani ppl unhappi, especialli daryl... i oso mah fan alot of ppl... thank you Daryl, Zhongyi, Sam, Zhenyu, Weihong, Shibin, Yincheong, Hannbin, Dallan, i tink i missed out a lot of ppl... wah... i created trouble for dese ppl... dey r dose hu helped either by cheering mi up, helped mi, or simply just listen to mi... iz enuff... :) tats the best that i can ever get...

realised all dance ones? yeh...nhds rock on... we r one big family... :)

.::i dun care..hee::.

~*i used to care*~

~*but now i dun!!! :) *~

i used to care how ppl look at mi... den recently i heard from sumone tat sum ppl out dere in the world dun like mi... as in buai song mi...

like the usual mi, i tink for quite sumtime... den i wasted so mani brain cells tinking why dose person dun lyk mi... den i cum to a conclusion... hee

dey dun like mi, let dem be... i dun live my life for dem... i can sense hu is fake and hu is not...hee... so let it be.,.. if u sensed tat i m fake to u den mayb i buai song u bahs...

hee... if unsure must cum and ask mi first... in case gt misundstding...

aniway... life is liddat la... haha... mouth on ppl face, brain in ppl head, heart in ppl body... wad can do to change? iz possible but iz time consuming... and currently i gt no tme for it...

advice to all... if ppl bu shuang u or hate u, as long as dey dun cum disturb u, jus accept it... wad can u do? unless iz misundstding den tey go clear tings up

~*like it or not*~

~*iz never my choice*~

~*if dey r happi hating mi, let dem be..*~

~*but warning...*~

DUN CUM AND DISTURB ME!!!

Hee... evil abit lah... haha... but i mena wad i say...

.::i m ok::.

~*a million thankx to dose hu helped and stand by mi*~

~*a million sorri to dose hu i offended*~

to dose hu are concern... i m orite le... i tink... had a great day today.. and i tink the next cuming few days will just be as great... go sch on monday and explain to teacher tat i cant run...

aniway...the past few days were long and bad... i waited for dis week to pass... i waited for veri long... now iz abt to be over... i started tinking back...why i was liddat? aniway i dunno... i just hope tat i wun sink in again...i haf no more mental strength for it le...

dis few days... i hurt countless of ppl... so mani tat i hurt in one way or another... i can oli say i m ok now... i wun sink in animore... cos i settled the most few pressing probs... as for hu tat senior is, i dun care le... i nv have tat tout... tings will prove itself rite too... i m not XXX... :P

i sumhow realise how to look on the brighter side...ppl accuse wun die one rite? sumone told mi tat... i know lah... but give mi time to accept tat... i will... i dunno how long i will take...

sori if i treated u words as rubbish or aniting... i realli cant tink well dose few days... i was nv tat down before... i dun tink i will be tat down ever again...

to ppl out dere whom i went out wif today... can tell ur tat ur never fail to make mi laugh but oso nv fail to make mi cry... but thx aniway...

i will nv tink of ending my life ah... i nit the world, as much as the world nit mi in sum ways...i haf to watch ppl grow... not just younger friends but my sis too...

no one cum to dis world by chance...all of us played a part in each others life... ur are dere for a reason... u dunit to find tat reason... just do ur best for each other and tings will be orite...

life will be beautiful... as beautiful as before...

.::inspiration song::.

~*heard dis song during GOMES house election*~

~*it woke mi up frm my deep dream in my sorrow*~

Mariah Carey - Hero

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

[Chorus:]
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

[Chorus]
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way
[Chorus]

.::thank you::.

~*thank you for ppl out dere*~

~*i will be alright soon*~

for dose hu tried to help... thx... i m just hurt... give mi time to recover... mayb tings will be orite soon...

apologies can be great antidote...but dey too nit time to take effect... so give mi time...

~*i will be orite soon*~

~*i tink...*~

~*if i dun jump down frm the pyramid tml...*~

~*everyting will den be orite*~

.::accusations?!::.

~*accusations cum from others*~

~*sumting tat i cant control*~

~*so i no longer gif dem a damn*~

~*i just want to put everyting to a stop*~

~*mayb even my connections wif the world*~

life, mood and attitude of mi in the morning and at night is totalli different... i can be smilling happily but tat does not mean i m happi inside... 自闭, staring into space... make mi laugh... i laugh simply imply tat i cant control my laughter... not tat i m orite...

why does bad tings oli hit mi at nite... it will left mi to cry thru the nite... end up? i m left wif swollen eyes...

dere are tings tat i didnt say and didnt tink of but sum idiots out dere put into my mouth... so, in the end, everyting originated from mi... COOL rite? i m forever the one... forever the big mouth here... forever the one wif the MOST evil plan in the world... forever the most cunning one in the world trying to RULE CHINA ah?

wad others say is forever the truth and wad i say is oways shit... can sumone tell mi wad i haf done to deserve all dese? simply becox i went too close to dem?...

no offence, but asking mi to cheer up wun help... cos i realli dunno how to le...life just keep moving on and time just keep passing on... but i m forever stuck here wif accusation from others...

can sumone at least cum here and ask mi b4 spreading tings ard?

ya... i told dem not to tell u aniting cox i tink u are not trust worthy...

ya... i m trying to rule NHDS, just like tat XXX

ya... i nv put in ani effort to help... i m forever telling u tat i dunno...

ya... dis ting concern oli the 3 of u... i m just another ka po, putting shit into my own mouth...

say i 小气，心胸狭窄，or aniting... so long time le, i still rmb... apologise to mi le i still bring it up to kao pei...

i tell u... i dun care... cox i HATE accusation... accusation can make mi die... since young, i m like tat... i hate being 冤枉...

i can easily forget it if tings dun hit mi all at once... but imagine.. in less dan 1 week, i m here crying dunno how to handle tings animore... to tink tat i go to sch i still put on a happi front... cox i noe tat if i m sad in sch i haf to repeat everyting... i just hate tat... it oli incur more anger and no solution at all...

not tt i dun accept ani help or aniting... but dese tings cant be settled by others... everyting will cum back to mi in the end... i can oli face dem myself...

but no matter how hard i try, i get tings off my mind... but b4 tings are totalli gone, another accusation hit mi again... so wad can i do?

so i tink the best solution is to accept the accusations and put everyting in mi... when i reach my limit... nuting in dis world can hold mi back animore...

i m now just hoping tat i will hear no more accusation... cox i dunno when i will reach my limit...

for dose hu haf intention to help... plz let mi handle dis myself... the limit is still far off... and i know... even if i claim tat i will end my life, i still dun tink tat i haf the courage to do it... i still haf tings not complete... yaya... stupid crap dese are...

i felt like a slut when i read ur blog... u r concern abt him... i m concern abt her... seeing her sad... i m sad too... she is my friend... all 3 of ur are... wad can i do? why did u even blog tat in ur entry... yayayayaya... i m the one hu tell her everyting k? why did i go tell her? aiyo... stupid mi... so sorry... i didnt tink of consequences before saying aniting... yaya... dis ting concern the 3 of ur only... so sorry tat ur 2 actualli choose to tell mi abt it when it happened... so sorry tt i get to know the 3 of ur... so sorry tat i m ur senior... veri sia suay ah... so sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry

is dis wad ur2 want? here... i give it to u... if ur insist i m the one hu did it... den i shall give ur wad ur want... dozen and dozen of apologies... for sumting tat i didnt do...

i nv betray ur trust...if i was the one... i would admit, but i m not... i want the smile on her face... cos i tink she deserved to be 幸福... but cum to tink of it now... maybe u dun deserve her... cox u betray her too... maybe the one hu backstab u, wanted to let u have a taste of betrayal...

ya... i m EVIL accept it... i m selfish... accept it... i m stubborn... accept it...

~*the evil one here shall rule*~

~*the ka pao one here shall spread more tings ard*~

~*the betrayer here shd tell even more ppl abt it*~

~*the lazy one here shd cont to not help u wif aniting*~

.::sad, disappointed::.

~*dun avoid*~

~*depression*~

i dunno wad caused mi to into depression... i oli know i m at a lost dis morning... dunno wad to do next... but now i m ok le... thx to zhongyi ah.. thank you for toking to mi... i reallise how childish i m... my tinking i mean... now tings were beta,i tink i nit to cry all out... beta dan mi kip tinking abt it...

i m having depression... apology to sum and mayb dose tat i cause ur to feel buai song... cox iz like i m just plain sad... dunno over wad...

the following time will be devoted to handle my relation well, kip track of my hp bill, educate dem... i wan the best for dem... i will prove to the others tat dey too can be good... time is the oli ting tat matter... i wun side dem unreasonably le... dey wrong i will oso scold... actualli i m scolding dem whenever dey r wrong... just tat ppl outside didnt know... the next more impt ting is to kip my baby company... sumhow felt tat we drift le... i tink i m not toking enuff to her or not doting her enuff... i promise i will try to improve terms between us...

~*depression for a while oli*~

~*sorrie for dose whom i bothered*~

~*thankx for dose going thru dese wif mi*~

.::iz time to clarfiy tings::.

~*i tout tings thru*~

~*oli to realise tat my greatest enemy is myself*~

i was feeling bad when i first typed tat entry... den slowly i realise tat i m trying to find out hu knows mi well... i tink... i admit tat i m petty and abit the bully dose weaker but i tink i dare to say tat i treat ppl nice not becox i nit deir help in future... except for a few... ;)

sorrie if i caused ani touble or aniting... i m just plain childish...

aniway i was hit badly by sumone comment... i came back to nhss and on good terms wif the sec3boys cos i wan nhds to run the way i want it to... dey will be in power soon ah... i felt terribly WRONGED... it was never my intention from the start... i can die from ppl wronging mi...

~*i wan to know hu tat person is!!!*~

.::m i realli like tat?::.

~*although i type wad i typed*~

~*but i still doubt myself*~

~*m i realli like tat?*~

ok... even i myself dunno myself well... althoug i typed dose in the previous entry but i still not sure whether i m realli like tat...

as in... i m refering to the way i treat my friends... m i treating dem nice simply for the sake tat dey may b useful to mi in the future?

i dunno... but i asked 3ppl... gt 2 tell mi tat i m not like tat... wad can i say? seems to mi, i m just tat bad... especialli when it cums to facing him...

can sumone jus tell mi wad exactly i m tinking?

~*cry,sad,sob*~

~*but i still dunno the answer*~

.::BAD points about mi!!!::.

i added new tings...

i m oso tat kind of person hu get jealous easily... little tings... i like to be recongnise.. especialli when i do tings... i wan ppl to know... when ppl dunno... i will go crazy sumhow...

~*see dis before u decide to cont to b my friend*~

ok...basically... dis entry is to let ppl know my bad points... ppl out dere... b it u hate mi or treat mi as ur friend, as ur close friend or as ur best friend or aniting... plx read le before u continue being my friend or aniting...

to mi, i m not as simple as u tink i m... ya.,... i m tomboy... blah... not acting like a girl or aniting... but i can tell u i dun care... i dun realli care how ppl look at mi...

i used to care... until i realise tat life is tough caring more abt others rather dan spending time caring abt ur own self...

i m jus sumone hu oways like to bully ppl hu are weaker dan mi... dose hum ones... and ppl younger dan mi... dis cos mi to behngry for power... i m hungry for power... i tink iz quite obvious...i tink i m just abit like tat OS... going back to nhds for power... at times to mi... tats wad i tink... not always... iz bad enuff

next is the fact tat i help ppl for sum causes one... i m good to u... simply i m scare tat when i nit help no one is dere for mi... at least when i help sumone now... tat sumone will be dere to help mi when i nit help... so i mayb good to u and help u, but the real reason to why i help u may not be the fact tat i treat u sincerely or sumting... but simply becos of the fact tat u may haf 利用价值 in the future.... believe it or not... i tink i m like tat...

i may be nice to u at one moment but keep shooting u the next moment simply becox tat u pissed mi off... i get pissed easily... sumtimes i shoot u simply becos i tink tat u r funny... funny as in reaction... oso the KICK tat i gt when i BULLY some one... i m like tat...

i like to bully ppl when i haf a backup... i m jus like dose stupid gangster out dere.... just tat i m HUM... not brave enuff to BE a clever gangster.... to say the truth... one of my sub concious aim is to be a gangster hu is good at everyting... i m just sumone bad...

i m petty too... tats why i bu shuang ppl so easily... once u do sumting to piss mi.,.. i will start racking out old tings tat u pissed mi and i will keep shooting u till u die or i die...

i never hate ppl... i just hate one in my life... i tink a lot of ppl know le... mayb tat person noe too... but i m still treating tat person nicely... cos he is still USEFUL to mi now... in sum ways...

i oso like tings to be done my way... so when i give advice, u dun heed... i will be damn bu shuang... but if u are able to gif mi reasons tat i can accept to explain wad i said was wrong... den i will give in...

i m wicked... bitch jian, despo or ani other tings bad... but i m just wad i m...... accept it and be my friend or hate mi... all u want... or treat mi like the way i mayb treating u now... but i dun tink i m useful in ani way...

evil mi huh... so wads ur decision now? still treat mi as ur friend?

dun tell mi to go and tok to anione to sort itngs out... i oli tok tings out wif hums... cox easily settled... as for other ppl... i wun tok to him or her if i dun care abt him or her... so... if i dun tell or tok u abt ur prob... tat means i dun care...

if i do tok to u... iz either i realli caare or the fact tat u may b useful tomi in the future...

.::NHDS::.

~*the good results*~

~*are sure worth waiting for*~

ya... happiee... rock the whole stadium sia.. hehe... run ard stadium... aft everyting gt one stupid person cum kao pei mi... i dun care...

zhu lin result wait till quite late... ur did ur best... ur rawk... WE DID IT AGAIN... straight golds... just wad we wan....

ur did it together... we are one NHDS

~*zhulin gold*~

~*oai oai oai gold wif honours*~

.::dis few days::.

~*fine but pain*~

nuting much happened except the two perfromance...

for the first time in my life... i walk in the shopping mall in my costume... and make up...

why... it oways rain during our outdoor nite performance...

sumone's pant split... audience saw... abit the my fault... sori... hee...

i fell... i hit my knee cap... and the surrounding area... dun seem bad but i know it is... hit one old injury... walk will abit pain... hit another leg... cannot even kneel...

tatx all

.::ya::.

~*ya... crying dun help*~

~*i will control*~

ok... basicalli, i started my day off wif much hope... just like wad i haf blogged ytd... wich was changed when i reached sch... i was struck by disappoinment.... den came mani rounds of crying... so basicalli, today i go nhss i did nuting much during deir dance pract except slp and cry and eat WAFFER BISCUIT!!! dey rock lor...

oh ya... today make koonhui hulk up... finalli... budden iz like... i felt bad towards him... i was oreadi so sad and depessed den he cum alon at the wrong time and step on my tail... so in the end he die... dio blasted by mi... in the end he pushed mi to the door near the piano...

cool... sorrrie koonhui... damn bad mood today sia... but sumhow i achieve sumting... hee... he finalli hulk up...

tok to him abt his prob tat i heard frm the others... den i dunno he gt listen or not... but i seriously hope he gt... cox i will help him...

aniway... den did sumting...went wif mrs wong go buy food for sec2 and 3 nkf... i tink dey veri hungry... hee... but sumhow the food dun seem to b veri nice...

dey went for nkf... vomit blood ah the sec3 and sec1s.... wah lao... sec1... blur until dunno wad to say... blur still nvm... slowly dey follow instruction... budden the prob is dey dun even listen... sec1 girls hor...start playing wif dem and dey climb over ur head...

warning to all.. i undstd dem le i tink... so plz plz heed my advice... dun get too close to the sec1 girls... play wof dem and dey dun treat u like senior and climb over ur head...

next is sec1 boys... siao sia... oso play and play... budden i dun realli know dem yet so no advice for ur... cos iz like i m still testin out... see scold gt use or notx...

one big prob wif the sec1 is dey not detailed enuff... wah... keep assuming and assuming and assuming... dey will die like tat...

sec3 up next... wad can i say? abit the disappointed wif the gals sia... i tink dunit to sya dey oso know le lah... wah... sumone go cos traffic jam becox of sum idol... hor? hee... dun mention name... tink a lot ppl know le... i just tried to pull her along...

guys... aiyo... doing quite fine... cox dose veri playful ones not ard... ppl like... sxx bxx, yxx cxxxxx... i dun mention name... cho obvious le lah... the few dere can take charge... gt power sia... cont testing out the sec1 guys tml or shd i say later? hee...c gt use or nox...

ok... i the waiting area... i hit my head when i tried to do hou yao wif one finger... stupid mi go and put weight on my finger lor... sum BIG mistake make... got one big ba lu ku...

not being able to be wif the nkf thru out everyting tml... scare sia... wrry... scare sec3 and sec2 boys cant handle well...

thank you for tat email... it helped mi alot...more confident now sia... i assure you i will do my best... if one day i cant put in my best animore... i will inform u... den u can deal wif mi aniway u like... thanks for placing hope and trust on mi... :)

~*once a nan hua dancer*~

~*always a nan hua dancer*~

.::i m HAPPIEE!!!::.

~*mani tings happened*~

~*sad yet i get to learn*~

ya...today nhss gt dance... quitee sad at first becox of sum stupid tings... den aft tat ting settle le... den i sort of veri HAPPIEEEEEEE...

iz like... dese few days... i realised tat dey haf grown up and i realised tat i know dem quite well huh... hee... and i realli mean quite well... dunno how to say... not to say i know dem totalli, budden iz like i know deir character le...

i know how to be brothers wif dem le... :) mayb sum other gals reading dis post tink tat iz no big deal or sumting... budden i gif u dis job... go to a grp of ard 20 boys, hus age are younger dan u by 2 years except one... spend 2 and 1/2 years go and know dem well... it is no easy task... at least i tink tat sumone out dere wun b able to do it... since she draw such a clear line btw senior junior... apologies... i 'shoot' her again... cox i cant stand her... blahxxx....

~*i maybe on the verge of giving up*~

~*but i never regret helping*~

.::confrontation::.

~*i haf changed...*~

~*the old mi wun do tings liddat*~

after dese few days, i realised tat i haf changed... the past mi wun go and do sumting like i did dese few days... i tink alot of ppl know le... haha... damn obvious lah... first is mi stand dere tok to him... next is i sit dere tok to him until veri loud...

i can tell ur lah... he is jus plain bad luck... disturb mi when mi most stressed... so in the end... i jus soot until he die... i m even prepared to fight... i will slap him if he keep his stupid attitute... aniway... i realli hope settle le lah...

i shall not say animore tings abt him le lah... cox i scold him alot le...

back to mi... i realise i changed... aft i stop waiting... more and more act lian... more and more gangster like... i start wearing rings... haha... doing tings tat i didnt do in the past few months...

to tell the truth.. .no one in dis world is totalli not hum... just tat apparently i m less hum dan the other guys...

~*life move on*~

~*dun care wad other tink*~

~*自己高兴就好*~

~*life will be easier tat way*~

~*meaning in life can be found easily*~

~*just look at the bright side of life*~

thx for reading fortune for mi... iz accurate!!!

.::depression again?!::.

~*The place bring back oli sad memories*~

~*why do i keep going back?*~

~*my friends are dere*~

weihong ask mi why i everytime i go nhss i go into depression? haiz i dunno... den i start to tink... i gt the answer...

today, dey do props... mi d props, daryl do props... i suddenly feel sad... i want to cry... i want to let everyting out... but sumhow i cant cry...

here i am feeling guilty abt everyting... guilty tat my batch EXCO is such a big letdown... guilty tat i m such a loser, not doing enuff when we were in charge... we cause sum of the probs tat are present now... guilty tat i cant help to imprve tings when we were in charge... guilty tat now i cum back yet i cant do much... guilty tat i cum back do props yet i m kind of like slacking...

budden i realised today... wads the point of mi feeling guilty when i tink tat i didnt put in my best to do the props... wads the point even if i put in my best? the others, refering to the sec3boys... sum of dem are just slacking... dun dey even fel guilty or aniting?

i cant find animore meaning in helping dem... sumhow i start to tink tat dey are no longer worth it... i didnt do as much as daryl... but bcox of dem... i sort of receive negative comments... saying mi biased and every shitty ting...

i dun like her... simply becox she 'touched' the sec3 boys casuing dem sum stupid ting... sumting tat will not happen if wifout her... not to say dey not at fault bt hu is she man... ok... apologies to daryl... i m biased... i m harsh... budden i dun realli care...

iz just tat few more days... although i dun realli find ani point in helping dem... but i noe i will cont to help dem... :) i will stay happy... :)

.::tired? i am. do u know?::.

~*too many things at once*~

dere r just certain tings tat i just cant blog... but i sumhow haf to say it out or sumting to vent everyting... mayb i will tell it to sumone... but seems like no one haf time for mi now... even i m feeling tat i dun haf time for dose stupid tings tat i m undergoing...

to mi... the impt ting now is SYF... i was toking to daryl... den i realise tat being part of it in the last syf is not as stressful as wad we are going thru now...

tat is the problem wif graduates... know wad is wrong... but can do noting...

mayb i will write everyting into a letter? hee...i dunno...

~*Once a Nan Hua Dancer*~

~*Forever a Nan Hua Dancer*~

.::tirred::.

~*the same old word appeared as title again*~

i m tired...aft so many days... i decide iz time to blog again... occupied by nhds blog... i delete the previous blog cox iz like it cause alot of misunderstanding around moi... hee... so delete beta... mi tired of explaining... sianz...