~*when will the sky fall?*~
~*when will the things end?*~
hmmm...i am not sad huh... i am not paranoid huh... i am not not happy huh... i am not angry huh... i am not feeling anything negative... instead i am feeling happy... haas...
so...yah... conclusion is i am thinking too much la... rarr...haas...
all the stupid topic about those 2 stupid persons... rarr.. ok... i should stop thinking about them.. HELLO... who are they right??? C=
happy things here...
we decide to name the new puppy CARROT and seriously i am missing her...haas... d=
i went to see her that day but she is sleeping... i think i may just chiong home after dance this sunday lor... haas... SEE HOW LAH... i seriously miss the puppy...
ok... i should stop saying i miss the puppy before someone start saying something again... haas...
BUT I REALLY MISS THE PUPPY!!! d=
rarrr... i feel like biting my sisters now... rarr...
there is this dispute between them about who is prettier... GROW UP!!!
and there is this thing about relationship with girls and guys... haas...
it is just in the genes... paranoid... haas... my sister is getting all paranoid about her relationship with guys after being in a girls school for four years...
haas... Baby is 'digging' my bed... and messing around... rarr... whatever...
what willl happen when Carrot comes?
OMG~!!! I AM MISSING THE PUPPY AGAIN!!! d=
haas...
oh ya...today after i alight from 985 to go to the market... ok...i am attempting to buy sweet talk again.. craving for peppermint milk tea double pearl...
haas... then there is this guy... i think i was abit rude la... anyway...
i was at that shop but they are already cleaning up and clearing... then there is these 2 guys infront of me... then the auntie was discussing with him whether she should still sell anymore since they are already washing up... then when the auntie ask him how many cup he want, i was sort of stunned when he turned to me and ask me what i want...
HELLO~!!! i dont know him LOR...
anyway when they finally come to a conclusion and decide to not sell anymore for the day, the three of us walked off... then i walked past the 2 guys... one of them said byebye and i think i am being abit rude for not replying anything... but I DONT CARE~!!! muahaha...
that was abit random la..
hmm...now... what am i thinking? i dont know...haas... oh ya... go and read people blog.. especially koonhui... haha...
baby just kissed me... d= lol... she is cute and such a darling... C=
OMG~!!! I AM MISSING THE PUPPY AGAIN...!!! d=
ok la... haas... i really should stop that lah... not just missing the puppy alone la...haas... lol...
i am tired... it is 1.10 am... oops.. haas...
~*smiles*~
~*thats what i want to see on our faces*~
~* C= *~
`si aun~!!! is this big enough??
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
.::here i am,stupid::.
~*fine*~
~*i feel stupid today*~
i want to sign in to MSN!!! oh ya...i suddenly feel clever!!! i can use Windows... my sister dont let me use msn la...she signed in and will be using the computer till the end of this week... rarr
ok...fine... i will have a great day tomorrow!!! i hope... haas...
short entry
~*smiles*~
~*thats what i want to see on our faces*~
~*i feel stupid today*~
i want to sign in to MSN!!! oh ya...i suddenly feel clever!!! i can use Windows... my sister dont let me use msn la...she signed in and will be using the computer till the end of this week... rarr
ok...fine... i will have a great day tomorrow!!! i hope... haas...
short entry
~*smiles*~
~*thats what i want to see on our faces*~
.::HAAS....back to normal::.
~*Hmm...i think i am back to normal*~
haas...lesser post each day...only on each day...so i suppose i am normal now like that? haas...
ok...today...i sleep till quite late... ok..super late...cannot blame me... i slept late last night...so i have a reason to sleep in till very late tomorrow...
i mean... my sister is rushing her homework which i seriously dont understand why now that holidays is here and she is still rushing...
nevermind... it means i dont get to use computer... it means i have to talk on the phone.. it means sometimes my mother will nag.. but seems like she gave up on nagging le... muahahahah...
i am going bonkers... today i feel stupid can... rarr..i feel like biting people le... went pa... then since i did not perform, i have darn lot of free time.. i went to look at my handphone and i saw a shocking 5 missed calls, which is actually not alot la... from my sister...
i called back and i was so stunned... if you notice me, i am standing there withmy phone, and my hand covering my mouth.. stunned... totally...
my mother actually got a new dog!!! can you believe it??!!! that means 2 dogs at home...
the shocking thing is... they just had that idea YESTERDAY and freaking today, they got it...maybe i should make a trip to the pet shop tomorrow to look at the new member!!! C=
actually i had a happy day... ok.. i had happy days.. but the stupid thing is i am tired la...
i am getting this frequent headaches and i am freezing on bus on my way to pa today.. rarr...
then i got this nice nice message from dont know who huh... forget to bring brownies...ok... fine i should stop harping on it... haha...
ok...fine..i am missing someone... d=
haix... i thought of how stupid things are in my family now.. when will all these end??
okok..it is time for research on Jack Russell... haas...ok... fine..i dont know how can baby tahan this going to be hyper active girl...
ok...fine it is another female member added to my family...
haas...
~*good night*~
~*when will everything come to an end?*~
~*if only i have a time machine*~
haas...lesser post each day...only on each day...so i suppose i am normal now like that? haas...
ok...today...i sleep till quite late... ok..super late...cannot blame me... i slept late last night...so i have a reason to sleep in till very late tomorrow...
i mean... my sister is rushing her homework which i seriously dont understand why now that holidays is here and she is still rushing...
nevermind... it means i dont get to use computer... it means i have to talk on the phone.. it means sometimes my mother will nag.. but seems like she gave up on nagging le... muahahahah...
i am going bonkers... today i feel stupid can... rarr..i feel like biting people le... went pa... then since i did not perform, i have darn lot of free time.. i went to look at my handphone and i saw a shocking 5 missed calls, which is actually not alot la... from my sister...
i called back and i was so stunned... if you notice me, i am standing there withmy phone, and my hand covering my mouth.. stunned... totally...
my mother actually got a new dog!!! can you believe it??!!! that means 2 dogs at home...
the shocking thing is... they just had that idea YESTERDAY and freaking today, they got it...maybe i should make a trip to the pet shop tomorrow to look at the new member!!! C=
actually i had a happy day... ok.. i had happy days.. but the stupid thing is i am tired la...
i am getting this frequent headaches and i am freezing on bus on my way to pa today.. rarr...
then i got this nice nice message from dont know who huh... forget to bring brownies...ok... fine i should stop harping on it... haha...
ok...fine..i am missing someone... d=
haix... i thought of how stupid things are in my family now.. when will all these end??
okok..it is time for research on Jack Russell... haas...ok... fine..i dont know how can baby tahan this going to be hyper active girl...
ok...fine it is another female member added to my family...
haas...
~*good night*~
~*when will everything come to an end?*~
~*if only i have a time machine*~
Sunday, May 28, 2006
.::Oops... Late::.
~*rarr*~
~*headache!!!*~
ok..i am in a much better mood than the one that i had in the morning.. but i am having this headache since last night.. i mean...it is on and off... now it is on...
but i dont know why i am still online when it is freaking 2.45am now...haas... i shall crap some more here... I DONT CARE...!
i need chocolate... i was quite happy when i heard they buy chocolate but rarr... white chocolate.. do you have an idea how sweet it taste? yucks... not that i dont like or i dont eat white chocolate but i definitely dont like the idea of eating it if i have a choice between white, milk and dark...
i bet milk is still the best.. hold on.. with raisin.. muahahaahahas...
i shall go buy chocolate tomorrow since no one want to buy for me.. hmph... it would not kill to buy it myself..haas...
hmm...something stupid and silly happened today... a bad encounter with pearls... i mean those edible ones that you find in bubble tea...
as usual, i ordered what i like and that is PEPPERMINT MILK TEA DOUBLE PEARL!!! i think i influence quite alot of people.. .haas... dallan, weihong, si aun, keelui?, and maybe shibin? haha.. all double pearl and we all hate the sweet talk in clementi.. so little pearl!!! rarr...
nevermind.. back to topic.. i had double pearl as usual but the pearl dont taste as usual today... sweet, chewy but far too overcooked... yucks... result is they stick together...
there is this big piece with i thnk 3 pearls got stuck in the straw... what else can i do besides trying to suck it out? rarr.. .no way will i walk back to the shop.. so ya.. the thing is.. the straw cut my tongue.. rarr... bleed and i didnt know until i saw some blood on the straw.. oops.. then i start to realise that i am tasting iron in my mouth..hmm... rather silly of me...
my sister say i stupid lor... whatever... i am not...
i am tired.. rarr... it better be a good day tomorrow.. but i bet i have to pia homework tomorrow... hold on... coming up next is my schedule.. haha
29.05.2006 Monday 9am-12pm General Paper remedial LT2 [oops compre haven finish]
30.05.2006 Tuesday 9am-12pm General Paper remedial LT2 [oops compre haven finish]
01.06.2006 Thursday 7pm ART festival opening Esplanade [oops what to wear?]
02.06.2006 Friday 8.30am-11am Chemistry Group II tutorial LT3 [oops haven do.should i go?]
03.06.2006 Saturday 7.30 Performance Toa PaYoh [oops i not performing]
12.06.2006 Monday 8am-12pm Biology Lecture AVA [oops what is this lecture about?!]
12.06.2006 Monday 12pm-?? Biology mock test AVA [oops haven study.study what huh? d=]
14.06.2006 Wednesday Chemistry mock test D201 [oops haven study]
oops... not very packed huh...haas.. i am going plaza singapura!!! sportlight!!! rarr... i miss sportlight... going shopping and i have to carry yongkee again... i have an aching arm today.. nevermind...he is CUTE!!! C=
and when is the laser quest? rarr... forget me liao huh? rarr... later the date come then i not free hor.. i am sure i will cry...
HELLO!!! when is dance practice? when is the camp!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!
hmm... abit crappy and abit random... anyway.. i need to sleep.. oops...
3am!!! haha.. d=
hold on.. i still want to repeat the nice nice phrase...
`we lead our lives like water
`going in more or less one direction
`until we splash into something
`that forces us to take a new course
omg..i memorised it...haas... cool... C= i see my octopus les everytime i raise my head to see the night sky... C=
~*i am learning to get used to it*~
~*things are better when he is not drunk*~
~*smiles*~
~*thats what i want to see on our face*~
~*headache!!!*~
ok..i am in a much better mood than the one that i had in the morning.. but i am having this headache since last night.. i mean...it is on and off... now it is on...
but i dont know why i am still online when it is freaking 2.45am now...haas... i shall crap some more here... I DONT CARE...!
i need chocolate... i was quite happy when i heard they buy chocolate but rarr... white chocolate.. do you have an idea how sweet it taste? yucks... not that i dont like or i dont eat white chocolate but i definitely dont like the idea of eating it if i have a choice between white, milk and dark...
i bet milk is still the best.. hold on.. with raisin.. muahahaahahas...
i shall go buy chocolate tomorrow since no one want to buy for me.. hmph... it would not kill to buy it myself..haas...
hmm...something stupid and silly happened today... a bad encounter with pearls... i mean those edible ones that you find in bubble tea...
as usual, i ordered what i like and that is PEPPERMINT MILK TEA DOUBLE PEARL!!! i think i influence quite alot of people.. .haas... dallan, weihong, si aun, keelui?, and maybe shibin? haha.. all double pearl and we all hate the sweet talk in clementi.. so little pearl!!! rarr...
nevermind.. back to topic.. i had double pearl as usual but the pearl dont taste as usual today... sweet, chewy but far too overcooked... yucks... result is they stick together...
there is this big piece with i thnk 3 pearls got stuck in the straw... what else can i do besides trying to suck it out? rarr.. .no way will i walk back to the shop.. so ya.. the thing is.. the straw cut my tongue.. rarr... bleed and i didnt know until i saw some blood on the straw.. oops.. then i start to realise that i am tasting iron in my mouth..hmm... rather silly of me...
my sister say i stupid lor... whatever... i am not...
i am tired.. rarr... it better be a good day tomorrow.. but i bet i have to pia homework tomorrow... hold on... coming up next is my schedule.. haha
29.05.2006 Monday 9am-12pm General Paper remedial LT2 [oops compre haven finish]
30.05.2006 Tuesday 9am-12pm General Paper remedial LT2 [oops compre haven finish]
01.06.2006 Thursday 7pm ART festival opening Esplanade [oops what to wear?]
02.06.2006 Friday 8.30am-11am Chemistry Group II tutorial LT3 [oops haven do.should i go?]
03.06.2006 Saturday 7.30 Performance Toa PaYoh [oops i not performing]
12.06.2006 Monday 8am-12pm Biology Lecture AVA [oops what is this lecture about?!]
12.06.2006 Monday 12pm-?? Biology mock test AVA [oops haven study.study what huh? d=]
14.06.2006 Wednesday Chemistry mock test D201 [oops haven study]
oops... not very packed huh...haas.. i am going plaza singapura!!! sportlight!!! rarr... i miss sportlight... going shopping and i have to carry yongkee again... i have an aching arm today.. nevermind...he is CUTE!!! C=
and when is the laser quest? rarr... forget me liao huh? rarr... later the date come then i not free hor.. i am sure i will cry...
HELLO!!! when is dance practice? when is the camp!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!
hmm... abit crappy and abit random... anyway.. i need to sleep.. oops...
3am!!! haha.. d=
hold on.. i still want to repeat the nice nice phrase...
`we lead our lives like water
`going in more or less one direction
`until we splash into something
`that forces us to take a new course
omg..i memorised it...haas... cool... C= i see my octopus les everytime i raise my head to see the night sky... C=
~*i am learning to get used to it*~
~*things are better when he is not drunk*~
~*smiles*~
~*thats what i want to see on our face*~
Saturday, May 27, 2006
.::my nails.is it more than just my nails?::.
~*Things dont seem right*~
~*but i know i am still standing in the rain*~
~*with whatever that may come along*~
i have rather weak nails andstill i enjoyed doing funny things to them, adding colours, keeping them long
what do i get in the end besides weaker nails and chipped ones?
the more i am polishing them, the more i am prepared for chipped nails in the end... i think i am just enjoying the joy that last only
for a wjile when my nails still look nice with those colours on...
i realise i lead my life the same way too... though i know i will most probably suffer in the end, i still seek that joy or happiness that i once felt in my life..
but come to think of it, who don't?
maybe i am more extremed... that maybe the reason why my life seems to be in a mess now... all screwed up and feeling stupid...
i made decision and i change my minds most of the time after that... but in know i would not regret it this time round, provided hat i find the sources of courage to hold on...
i only wanted PEACE... i dont know when i will explode...
when you realise that you are the only one holding on while the others dont seem to care, you will start to wonder whether it is worth it all.. you can get real tired at times...
i know... i think i know the ultimate answer...
as if he will change... all my life... i bet i should not be thinking of changing... instead i should be learning to get used to them...
yet, i know i am still doing things that i know i will not get the answer in the end...
the irony... I AM STILL HOLDING ON.. hoping that tinge of happiness and peace at home... yet wondering when things will finally come to an end or rather, come to a good and happy end...
if this is all that you think it is, then maybe you are so so wrong.. i hope that prayers works... but i come to realise sometimes they dont...
i hope to know that tarots are for real.. but when they are contradictory, you will start to wonder...
there are just so many things that i am wondering now...
i need to wonder how to finish my english comprehension by monday... 2 comprehension.. ok... fine.. it is not alot... but when you dont have your mind with you, it is really quite alot...
北极雪
用心好好感觉
然后你才能够看得见 快乐伤悲
也许我的眼泪 我的笑脸
只是完美的表演
~*So it is more than just my nails*~
~*smiles*~
~*that is what i want to see on our faces*~
~*but i know i am still standing in the rain*~
~*with whatever that may come along*~
i have rather weak nails andstill i enjoyed doing funny things to them, adding colours, keeping them long
what do i get in the end besides weaker nails and chipped ones?
the more i am polishing them, the more i am prepared for chipped nails in the end... i think i am just enjoying the joy that last only
for a wjile when my nails still look nice with those colours on...
i realise i lead my life the same way too... though i know i will most probably suffer in the end, i still seek that joy or happiness that i once felt in my life..
but come to think of it, who don't?
maybe i am more extremed... that maybe the reason why my life seems to be in a mess now... all screwed up and feeling stupid...
i made decision and i change my minds most of the time after that... but in know i would not regret it this time round, provided hat i find the sources of courage to hold on...
i only wanted PEACE... i dont know when i will explode...
when you realise that you are the only one holding on while the others dont seem to care, you will start to wonder whether it is worth it all.. you can get real tired at times...
i know... i think i know the ultimate answer...
as if he will change... all my life... i bet i should not be thinking of changing... instead i should be learning to get used to them...
yet, i know i am still doing things that i know i will not get the answer in the end...
the irony... I AM STILL HOLDING ON.. hoping that tinge of happiness and peace at home... yet wondering when things will finally come to an end or rather, come to a good and happy end...
if this is all that you think it is, then maybe you are so so wrong.. i hope that prayers works... but i come to realise sometimes they dont...
i hope to know that tarots are for real.. but when they are contradictory, you will start to wonder...
there are just so many things that i am wondering now...
i need to wonder how to finish my english comprehension by monday... 2 comprehension.. ok... fine.. it is not alot... but when you dont have your mind with you, it is really quite alot...
北极雪
用心好好感觉
然后你才能够看得见 快乐伤悲
也许我的眼泪 我的笑脸
只是完美的表演
~*So it is more than just my nails*~
~*smiles*~
~*that is what i want to see on our faces*~
Friday, May 26, 2006
.::What a day?::.
~*i am feeling all screwed up*~
~*i am feeling stupid*~
~*i realised and i know*~
when it comes to today, i absolutely has got nothing much to say besides complain... i certainly hope tomorrow will be a much better day...
first thing in the morning... i sort of argued with my mother cause i cant find my shorts... HELLO...! early in the morning... and that spoils everything...
no chocolate today to keep me happy... no one to keep me happy also...
i seriously dont know what to do next... i hope but i know that and i realise that i am really prepared...
then comes to school and i saw this idiot guy whom i shall not talk about.. all the past week's bad experiednces are so bad that i chose not to talk to him in the end... so i didnt and i really forgot what i am thinking when i was sitting at the table...
the next thing that i know is the assembly at the sports gallery... it was so so long... and i dont like it... then come pe then come that extra chemistry lesson...
what a great test huh... 6/20 and there is only one pitiful soul in class passing it with a mere mark of 10/20... what is this? fine... so getting a 6 is something great...
there is this guy named Isaac... darn screamish... screaming away at all his careless mistakes... but true enough... he could have topped it if not for all those stupid mistakes...
then i called someone and i think he sounded more dead than before.. or is it i havee the mindset that he is sad thats why he sounded sad? maybe he is not? i hope he is not...
then got someone lucky... sets test got 10/10?? without studying?? ok lor... fine lor... dont sound nice when you realise you just failed your chemistry so badly...
then come the general paper lesson which happens to be a presentation for the Continual Assessment... which is CA lah... ya.. it is so cool right? i went to class... since my class is a small one cause i am having bad grades for my english so i was a bit shocked by the small turn out...
nevermind it is ok... but coming to the fact that only me and jacky turned up in our group?? that is so omg... so we rushed to work and i think produced something considered ok for us... cause jeremy and ting ting were not in school today when they were the only ones who know about what was reallygoing on...
so come the preesentation and i think i made quite alot of stupid comment... sorry... that guy out there in some other group is just not making sense... or is it i am just biased?? hmm... whatever...
then come after school.. i decide to find auntie... on the way... rarr... i am so so tired and i tried to sleep and my mother called me... i know she is trying to tell me what happened to my grandmother... i am convinced that she feel abit guilty towards her.. but i am seriously not in the mood... so i just somehow snap at her and shut her up...
then when i reached my auntie house.. bombarded by them lor... rarr... maybe i should have just shut up and not say anything... but i think my time in my auntie house is one of the happiest time today besides having contact with my handphone... then there is this quarrel between the kids and that affects the adults... my auntieis quite old and sometimes you dont know what old people think... so yah... i went out with my auntie's daughters and their kids without auntie...
we went west mall.. hoon is a bad back ache so she cant carry her son yong kee who keeps saying 'da da da...' then i will have to do the job and that is nothing nice.. then ping have to take turns with me to carry him... then her daughter rui han, who is only a few months older than yongkee, sleeps in yongkee's 500 dollars baby trolley... or whatever that you call that... ruihan likes to go 'mum mum...' she likes to eat...
this 2 little darlings... or rather yongkee, is really a darling to me... so clever and thanks to him, he threw my handphone on the ground 3 times? rarr.. nevermind.. he still rocks... he likes to look at the lights... random... why did i touch on that?
anyway... ya.. went home... hoon drove me home... being the maid for almost the whole afternoon.. but enjoyed their company...
then come home...some clever people tell me i can be online at 10...then someone come along and say she need to use... and so push back.. until... around 10.30?
i tried to work before that.. but i am just so so tired that i went to took a nap... haix.. by the time i am online... rarr.. dont want to talk about that...
i am thinking of sleeping soon.. i am real tired...
i realise that prayers do works... so more prayers.. i am a free thinker but turning to God at times do calm my soul...
if you ask me to find a song to describe my feelings now, i cannot give you ONE song.. cause i seriously dont knwo what i am feeling now...
i am going to touch my tarots later... although i know i should not be doing that...
anyway.. ya.. i am prepared for whatever that comes along and i mean... i THINK i am prepared... i hope but i dont know... i hate exams...!
no more plaza singapura tomorrow... change to some week day... this coming week...
why all of a sudden i felt like i am being abandoned? my teachers changed one after another... and after getting so used to how things are now, there will be a change again... rarr... or is it something else?
i dont like coming home now actually... there is no peace.. there is this freaking silence at home but you know that a storm is brewing and you never know when it will explode... hope it would not be sunday... please.. of all days not sunday..
i hate sunday nights... will things be better this sunday night? i hope...
anyone interested in going to the book fair? hmm... see how lah...
~*i forgot something that i want to say*~
~*but i do remember feeling all screwed up and stupid*~
~*but i will smile*~
~*cause i hope to see that on your face*~
~*i am feeling stupid*~
~*i realised and i know*~
when it comes to today, i absolutely has got nothing much to say besides complain... i certainly hope tomorrow will be a much better day...
first thing in the morning... i sort of argued with my mother cause i cant find my shorts... HELLO...! early in the morning... and that spoils everything...
no chocolate today to keep me happy... no one to keep me happy also...
i seriously dont know what to do next... i hope but i know that and i realise that i am really prepared...
then comes to school and i saw this idiot guy whom i shall not talk about.. all the past week's bad experiednces are so bad that i chose not to talk to him in the end... so i didnt and i really forgot what i am thinking when i was sitting at the table...
the next thing that i know is the assembly at the sports gallery... it was so so long... and i dont like it... then come pe then come that extra chemistry lesson...
what a great test huh... 6/20 and there is only one pitiful soul in class passing it with a mere mark of 10/20... what is this? fine... so getting a 6 is something great...
there is this guy named Isaac... darn screamish... screaming away at all his careless mistakes... but true enough... he could have topped it if not for all those stupid mistakes...
then i called someone and i think he sounded more dead than before.. or is it i havee the mindset that he is sad thats why he sounded sad? maybe he is not? i hope he is not...
then got someone lucky... sets test got 10/10?? without studying?? ok lor... fine lor... dont sound nice when you realise you just failed your chemistry so badly...
then come the general paper lesson which happens to be a presentation for the Continual Assessment... which is CA lah... ya.. it is so cool right? i went to class... since my class is a small one cause i am having bad grades for my english so i was a bit shocked by the small turn out...
nevermind it is ok... but coming to the fact that only me and jacky turned up in our group?? that is so omg... so we rushed to work and i think produced something considered ok for us... cause jeremy and ting ting were not in school today when they were the only ones who know about what was reallygoing on...
so come the preesentation and i think i made quite alot of stupid comment... sorry... that guy out there in some other group is just not making sense... or is it i am just biased?? hmm... whatever...
then come after school.. i decide to find auntie... on the way... rarr... i am so so tired and i tried to sleep and my mother called me... i know she is trying to tell me what happened to my grandmother... i am convinced that she feel abit guilty towards her.. but i am seriously not in the mood... so i just somehow snap at her and shut her up...
then when i reached my auntie house.. bombarded by them lor... rarr... maybe i should have just shut up and not say anything... but i think my time in my auntie house is one of the happiest time today besides having contact with my handphone... then there is this quarrel between the kids and that affects the adults... my auntieis quite old and sometimes you dont know what old people think... so yah... i went out with my auntie's daughters and their kids without auntie...
we went west mall.. hoon is a bad back ache so she cant carry her son yong kee who keeps saying 'da da da...' then i will have to do the job and that is nothing nice.. then ping have to take turns with me to carry him... then her daughter rui han, who is only a few months older than yongkee, sleeps in yongkee's 500 dollars baby trolley... or whatever that you call that... ruihan likes to go 'mum mum...' she likes to eat...
this 2 little darlings... or rather yongkee, is really a darling to me... so clever and thanks to him, he threw my handphone on the ground 3 times? rarr.. nevermind.. he still rocks... he likes to look at the lights... random... why did i touch on that?
anyway... ya.. went home... hoon drove me home... being the maid for almost the whole afternoon.. but enjoyed their company...
then come home...some clever people tell me i can be online at 10...then someone come along and say she need to use... and so push back.. until... around 10.30?
i tried to work before that.. but i am just so so tired that i went to took a nap... haix.. by the time i am online... rarr.. dont want to talk about that...
i am thinking of sleeping soon.. i am real tired...
i realise that prayers do works... so more prayers.. i am a free thinker but turning to God at times do calm my soul...
if you ask me to find a song to describe my feelings now, i cannot give you ONE song.. cause i seriously dont knwo what i am feeling now...
i am going to touch my tarots later... although i know i should not be doing that...
anyway.. ya.. i am prepared for whatever that comes along and i mean... i THINK i am prepared... i hope but i dont know... i hate exams...!
no more plaza singapura tomorrow... change to some week day... this coming week...
why all of a sudden i felt like i am being abandoned? my teachers changed one after another... and after getting so used to how things are now, there will be a change again... rarr... or is it something else?
i dont like coming home now actually... there is no peace.. there is this freaking silence at home but you know that a storm is brewing and you never know when it will explode... hope it would not be sunday... please.. of all days not sunday..
i hate sunday nights... will things be better this sunday night? i hope...
anyone interested in going to the book fair? hmm... see how lah...
~*i forgot something that i want to say*~
~*but i do remember feeling all screwed up and stupid*~
~*but i will smile*~
~*cause i hope to see that on your face*~
Thursday, May 25, 2006
.::When there are just things easier said than done::.
~*i knew that long ago*~
~*i understand that title*~
haas... i am not sad here or something... hehe... in fact i am feeling rather hyped and i am having quite alot of plans for tomorrow... where should i go? haha... hmm... i got quite a few choices... hmmm...so where should i go?
today i had biology SPA... which means, Science Practical Assessment... i had a skill A test today.. it marks the end of the SPA..that means no more practicals in future... since i have also complete my chemistry... but sadly, it is not a good ending...
HELLO... i did not manage to touch on reliability of results... i can blame no one though.. it is all my fault... write so slow? rarr.. but i think i did my best le lah... hais...
without reliability of result... i bet i am left with at most a level 4...so please do not remind me anymore about SPA..
i have a cool friend... added so much colour and especially laughter to my life in school... who was the one who said...
'When you lead a HARD life, drink SOFT drink'
'When there is no more SPA, you dont need to be SPAstic'
omg... it is this friend of mine... i certainly would not forget this person and i bet everyone will know where to find her if we lose contact one day... haha... SECRET RECIPE.. oops... thanks for all the treats... haha... actually she only treated me ONCE lah... haha...
should i go nanhua tomorrow?
should i go out with my friends for Da Vinci code tomorrow?
should i go out with my auntie tomorrow?
so many people i am missing.. haha.. i am missing you also.. d= telling me to not miss you no use huh... lol...
hmmm... 'orh...ok lor'... standard answer...haha... oops...
i want to see auntie and i want to see yong kee... i miss them!!! hmm.. do i miss yao shen? haha.. i think so too.. i am going to talk some sense into him the next time i see him... and i can already predict the expression that he will give me... 'aiya! dont say le lah...'
then he will continue playing his gameboy... ya.. that is just him... haha... know him since the day he was in his mother stomach lor..haha.. my young god-brother.. ahah...
there are just so many things easier said than done and i bet everyone knows that... thats all people!!! back to more writing... i am suppose to decipher what mavis wrote during lecture today and recopy before photocopying them for isaac (the shit) and sam (the tree)... haha
oh ya... the seven sisters... tomorrow there will be the er jie helping us buy food... cause he is so clever that he went to drink soursop ice again today.. and it is cold since it is iced and there he is the last one to finish the drink and tatah~~! he has to throw away our cups and have to buy food for us tomorrow... hhaa...
my dajie is the spastic one... er jie is the only guy in the group.. .haha... and me the 3rd... then i luan le... but i know we have a tree who is sam.. lol... the only guy in the group belongs to her... oops... scandal... haha... the whole world knows... or rather the whole class knows... haha...
~*chemistry*~
~*if i pass the chemistry test tomorrow...!!! haha...*~
~*smiles*~
~*i want to see that on all your faces*~
~* C= *~
~*i understand that title*~
haas... i am not sad here or something... hehe... in fact i am feeling rather hyped and i am having quite alot of plans for tomorrow... where should i go? haha... hmm... i got quite a few choices... hmmm...so where should i go?
today i had biology SPA... which means, Science Practical Assessment... i had a skill A test today.. it marks the end of the SPA..that means no more practicals in future... since i have also complete my chemistry... but sadly, it is not a good ending...
HELLO... i did not manage to touch on reliability of results... i can blame no one though.. it is all my fault... write so slow? rarr.. but i think i did my best le lah... hais...
without reliability of result... i bet i am left with at most a level 4...so please do not remind me anymore about SPA..
i have a cool friend... added so much colour and especially laughter to my life in school... who was the one who said...
'When you lead a HARD life, drink SOFT drink'
'When there is no more SPA, you dont need to be SPAstic'
omg... it is this friend of mine... i certainly would not forget this person and i bet everyone will know where to find her if we lose contact one day... haha... SECRET RECIPE.. oops... thanks for all the treats... haha... actually she only treated me ONCE lah... haha...
should i go nanhua tomorrow?
should i go out with my friends for Da Vinci code tomorrow?
should i go out with my auntie tomorrow?
so many people i am missing.. haha.. i am missing you also.. d= telling me to not miss you no use huh... lol...
hmmm... 'orh...ok lor'... standard answer...haha... oops...
i want to see auntie and i want to see yong kee... i miss them!!! hmm.. do i miss yao shen? haha.. i think so too.. i am going to talk some sense into him the next time i see him... and i can already predict the expression that he will give me... 'aiya! dont say le lah...'
then he will continue playing his gameboy... ya.. that is just him... haha... know him since the day he was in his mother stomach lor..haha.. my young god-brother.. ahah...
there are just so many things easier said than done and i bet everyone knows that... thats all people!!! back to more writing... i am suppose to decipher what mavis wrote during lecture today and recopy before photocopying them for isaac (the shit) and sam (the tree)... haha
oh ya... the seven sisters... tomorrow there will be the er jie helping us buy food... cause he is so clever that he went to drink soursop ice again today.. and it is cold since it is iced and there he is the last one to finish the drink and tatah~~! he has to throw away our cups and have to buy food for us tomorrow... hhaa...
my dajie is the spastic one... er jie is the only guy in the group.. .haha... and me the 3rd... then i luan le... but i know we have a tree who is sam.. lol... the only guy in the group belongs to her... oops... scandal... haha... the whole world knows... or rather the whole class knows... haha...
~*chemistry*~
~*if i pass the chemistry test tomorrow...!!! haha...*~
~*smiles*~
~*i want to see that on all your faces*~
~* C= *~
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
.::The song::.
~*why?*~
~*why the sad feeling?*~
i have no idea... i dont really know why i am feeling sad when i hear that song? feeling sad on someone else's behalf? feeling sad over something? feeling sad over an incident? or myself? i dont know...
actually the way things are now seems ok to me... and i seriously have no thought of bringing it up...
i felt like asking.. but i choose not to... maybe i will one day... we shall see...
so if that is the case.. i will try.. but i cannot promise... this is something that i cannot promise...
things seems better today...
i realise something.. i bite myself when i cry... so i dont think i need a shoulder... i need someone for me to bite when i am crying.. but i dont mind having both...haha...
can it be a bilateral and not unilateral... oops... does that word exist in the first place? haha...
oh mine... i love the phrase... :
'We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going in more or less one direction until we splash into something that forces us to take a new course...'
going out on saturday!!! hah... next thursday!!! hhaa... anymore? haha... oops... weekdays? haha... oh ya... sunday also!!! hhaaha..
is there a need for me to announce that holidays are coming? haha... d=
~*smiles*~
~*that is the only thing that i wish to see*~
~*on our faces*~
~* C= *~
~*^^like that*~
~*why the sad feeling?*~
i have no idea... i dont really know why i am feeling sad when i hear that song? feeling sad on someone else's behalf? feeling sad over something? feeling sad over an incident? or myself? i dont know...
actually the way things are now seems ok to me... and i seriously have no thought of bringing it up...
i felt like asking.. but i choose not to... maybe i will one day... we shall see...
so if that is the case.. i will try.. but i cannot promise... this is something that i cannot promise...
things seems better today...
i realise something.. i bite myself when i cry... so i dont think i need a shoulder... i need someone for me to bite when i am crying.. but i dont mind having both...haha...
can it be a bilateral and not unilateral... oops... does that word exist in the first place? haha...
oh mine... i love the phrase... :
'We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going in more or less one direction until we splash into something that forces us to take a new course...'
going out on saturday!!! hah... next thursday!!! hhaa... anymore? haha... oops... weekdays? haha... oh ya... sunday also!!! hhaaha..
is there a need for me to announce that holidays are coming? haha... d=
~*smiles*~
~*that is the only thing that i wish to see*~
~*on our faces*~
~* C= *~
~*^^like that*~
.::I am not regreting, just trying to find solution::.
~*please*~
~*i dont regret*~
~*but please find solutions for me*~
i made one conclusion today... i really cannot blame anyone... maybe i should have stick to my choice that i made long ago... i have the choice... i can just stay there and not be where i am now...
not to say i hate whatever that i am facing and handling now but the poor fact that my future is so going to suffer... so i have no one to blame except myself and so i would not regret...
why did i even chose to get into SAJC? i seriously dont remember... i just think that it will be a school with a better culture than acjc... true to be... but now my future... who can assure it? i did play a part but how to excel when the whole school is being restricted by the word so-called integrity?
our PW result suffered and that could just be due to the fact that out teacher are just strictly following the guide lines given by MOE... why are everything done according to book?
then now come the Biology SPA which is tomorrow... we have a serious discussion today.. we made not much conclusion... the whole biology department are just people who are so up right and so bound by the word that they choose to keep their mouth shut... no one leak a single word about what may be coming out until recently... after much pleading from us... you dare say that students from other colleges only know about the question when they sawthe question paper? i doubt that...
i dont blame them for having this upright and correct mindset... i agree to it.. i mean.. it is really correct.. but can the teacher at least agree on somethings? what a choice we were given... 'class choose between the 2 experiments, counting of number of air bubbles or collection of gas using displacement of water'... we did our choice... we choose displacement initially but we were then hinted to use counting number of air bubbles...
everything is so pointless now... cause whatever that we write will only give us a level 6 at most out of level8...
so maybe i should drop this topic...
i am feeling stupid and dumb recently... and i dont really like this kind of feeling... what food should i bring this sunday? hmmm... nothing... chocolate maybe?
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
somethings do change...
we lead our lives like water, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course...
what is my new course now?
oops... so many outings during june holidays... nevermind.. i am going to mug late into the nights...
i manage to stop someone... muahaha... sorry.. i am evil... but i dont care..
getting from bad to worse le recently... i mean me... i was talking to my friends today and then a guy infront turned as though he heard something astonishing... and the moment he turned back... the next thing i said was 'why he so kpo?'
another thing... before lecture... when the jc1 were clearing out of the cultural centre... they are really taking a long long time... and my friends started 'reprimanding' me for getting to the wrong row... then i started saying.. 'not my fault.. why they so slow lor...' and it is obvious i am refering to the jc1s.. oops...
i am getting more and more bad... sorry...haha.. but i had a happy breakfaat today... and tomorrow will be happy breakfast too... cause i will have the whole bag of raisin chocolate...
haha... tomorrow... i will have to write like mad... so please wish me lots of luck.. cause i dont really write very fast huh... rarr... english and biology spa...
~*thats all*~
~*yawnz*~
~*i think i need a nap*~
~* d= *~
~*i dont regret*~
~*but please find solutions for me*~
i made one conclusion today... i really cannot blame anyone... maybe i should have stick to my choice that i made long ago... i have the choice... i can just stay there and not be where i am now...
not to say i hate whatever that i am facing and handling now but the poor fact that my future is so going to suffer... so i have no one to blame except myself and so i would not regret...
why did i even chose to get into SAJC? i seriously dont remember... i just think that it will be a school with a better culture than acjc... true to be... but now my future... who can assure it? i did play a part but how to excel when the whole school is being restricted by the word so-called integrity?
our PW result suffered and that could just be due to the fact that out teacher are just strictly following the guide lines given by MOE... why are everything done according to book?
then now come the Biology SPA which is tomorrow... we have a serious discussion today.. we made not much conclusion... the whole biology department are just people who are so up right and so bound by the word that they choose to keep their mouth shut... no one leak a single word about what may be coming out until recently... after much pleading from us... you dare say that students from other colleges only know about the question when they sawthe question paper? i doubt that...
i dont blame them for having this upright and correct mindset... i agree to it.. i mean.. it is really correct.. but can the teacher at least agree on somethings? what a choice we were given... 'class choose between the 2 experiments, counting of number of air bubbles or collection of gas using displacement of water'... we did our choice... we choose displacement initially but we were then hinted to use counting number of air bubbles...
everything is so pointless now... cause whatever that we write will only give us a level 6 at most out of level8...
so maybe i should drop this topic...
i am feeling stupid and dumb recently... and i dont really like this kind of feeling... what food should i bring this sunday? hmmm... nothing... chocolate maybe?
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this
somethings do change...
we lead our lives like water, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course...
what is my new course now?
oops... so many outings during june holidays... nevermind.. i am going to mug late into the nights...
i manage to stop someone... muahaha... sorry.. i am evil... but i dont care..
getting from bad to worse le recently... i mean me... i was talking to my friends today and then a guy infront turned as though he heard something astonishing... and the moment he turned back... the next thing i said was 'why he so kpo?'
another thing... before lecture... when the jc1 were clearing out of the cultural centre... they are really taking a long long time... and my friends started 'reprimanding' me for getting to the wrong row... then i started saying.. 'not my fault.. why they so slow lor...' and it is obvious i am refering to the jc1s.. oops...
i am getting more and more bad... sorry...haha.. but i had a happy breakfaat today... and tomorrow will be happy breakfast too... cause i will have the whole bag of raisin chocolate...
haha... tomorrow... i will have to write like mad... so please wish me lots of luck.. cause i dont really write very fast huh... rarr... english and biology spa...
~*thats all*~
~*yawnz*~
~*i think i need a nap*~
~* d= *~
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
.::My Father::.
~*The title seems nice*~
~*But be warned*~
~*Below has hardly anything nice about him*~
i told myself that one fine day i will write an entry about my father... the man of the house... and everything about him... but i know it is not going to be anything nice... there are hardly any nice things that i can say about him... and please... that is the truth... not that i am agitated now or something... i am being perfectly calm now cause i am alone at home... and i have think through this very long before i decide to post this entry...
there will be no consequences... so i dont really care... and i think it is a good chance to let others know that i dont come from a happy family besides the fact that i actually have a good mother that i feel real guilty to and someone whom i am still learning to treasure... C=
this man... i am glad that i never get topic like 'My Father' for essay when i was young.. because i will really have no idea how to write and what to write about him...
i envy people who have daddy who will dote on them...
maybe i should start with some description.. i will find the chance to get his photo with my handphone... he is a fine young man... or at least he look like one... he is already 51 and yet he dont look like he is 51... he still have the thinking that he is still 18 or whatever shit and still doing things that only youngster in his generation used to do... he stand tall... much taller than me and my mother... maybe 180? ya.. i think so... and he is thin and not really skinny.. he dont have muscles but he dont look weak.. i think it is because of his skin colour... we have this in the genes.. like it or not.. most of us in the family are tanned and not to mention my dad who works as a construction worker foreman.. under the sun...all the more he is tan...so in the end he look like some fine young man with proper workouts.. he do not have big stomach as though he is n months pregnant... so can you imagine the charm that he has or rather, the charm that he think he still have...
my father... someone who is always the one with a black face at home...even if there are jokes... the jokes will usually not last for more than half an hour... he will spoil the lively and happy environment in less than an hour when he start to do stuid things that will agitate my sisters and make them angry or upset... and he will continues to do whatever he like until he get what he wants despite my mother and i trying to ask him to stop... so conclusion is peace never last long in my house...
i think the above mentioned senerio is something that only happened recently...maybe i should just start from what happened and what i have heard of about him since young...
there are just so many things... i have a close nanny... she took care of us when my sister and i were young.. and i swear... one day i will also write an entry about this wonderful lady who do played a major part in my life.. my childhood... without her... i really cannot imagine what it will be like... all the things that she told me about my father and even my grandmother.. you will never imagine and i can never imagine hearing them from my mother also...
mine is a big family which my mother dont really give a damn to cause the people at the paternal side are mostly really nothing but rubbish.. i know that sounds bad and reflect badly on my mother... but when you are my mother, you really cannot help but think this way... yet.. despite all these, she is still giving all the due respect to people there...
i was born into this big family.. i dont even have a single idea how my dad got to know my mother.. my mother if given a chance will never choose my dad... that is for sure.. that is what i know about her... if she had a chance...
they got together through match making.. they met each other at the KFC in the shopping centre next to Beauty World shopping centre... from what i know... the wedding is held quite soon after the death of my grandfather... but i am not very sure about this fact though...
but for what i know..i have at least a half brother.. someone that i have yet to see... someone older than me... my dad had it with a girl... yet the family is not willing to accept the girl... so do you think that this marriage between my dad and my mother has my dad as the willing party?
both of them were quite of some age when they met each other... so i think that this marriage is not really something that both of them want but just something to force the two of them to settle down... especially for my dad...
i dont really know how to continue... but i will...
then came the marriage which i suppose to be a happy event since both families are eager to force their children to settle down... so after the marriage came me... i was brought to existance...
my mother had me... and something that no one can ever imagine happened... my dad had an affair outside... and please be assured that this will not be the only time that you see the word affair cause he just have more than one...
i dont know how things got settled or is it some family member drilled some senses into my dad before my birth... so i was born into this world... i lived with my grandmother or rather my family, the 3 of us stayed in the small apartment in Bukit Gombak with my grandmother till i am about 1 before shifting here to my current address...
according to my mother... my grandmother dont really cared much about her when she was in her confinement period... not much cooking done for her... not to say the next 2 birth of my sisters...
then during the about 1 year stay there, nothing much good and happy happened there...
i heard that i have a dad who forced open my eyes when i am young.. my mother concluded that that is the very reason why i have such bad eye sight in my right eye... thats her conclusion...
i heard that i have a dad who sent me a slap across my face when i am still a small baby... the only thing that my mother could do then was to take me to find my nanny, crying... the 2 of us crying...
he was drunk... drunk then but that does not seem to give him a reason to slap a baby across the face...
then shifted to the new house... came my 2 sisters... both pregnancy... not a single pregnancy that my mother have without worry... and yes.. my dad had affairs on both incidents.. i lost count of how many times le... seriously... i dont really care now...
i have a dad who get so drunk home most of the time... i have a dad who can be out at night for more than 3 days a week when i was young... my mother struggled to bring us up... never get much help from my dad... i admired and honour my mother.. she have the capability to carry one in her hand, pull one with the other and have one in her tummy... that was what happened during her third pregnancy when she still have to bring us to our nanny every morning before going to work...
i dont remember my dad paying for any bills at home not to mention giving us our allowance.. i think with the use of one hand i can count the number of times that he gave us money... and i only remember him bringing a lady home for a mahjong session only later to let us realise that he is having an affair with her... hold on.. did i say that that lady is an OLD lady?
maybe it is because of my dad that i never like the idea of coming home when i was young.. i like it at my nanny's house...
then come when we grow older... when i was only secondary one.. like i say... i dont like changes and that started since then... i never like the idea of hanging out with my secondary friends until quite late of the year... so do you think that i will have made my way to Jurong Point when i was just secondary one?
he questioned me... asked me why i went there... my cousin say she spotted me there... she have no idea what trouble she got me into when she said that...my cousins, or rather, other people's kids are always the good kids and the girl typing this here is the bad and naughty one...
he did not believe me... i am like that... i hate being wronged.. so i think that is the first time that i talked back to him... and i got a serious whacking for that...
up till now... i bet he still believe what my cousin said back then...
he still believe that other people's kids are better..
he gave me a slap across my face that sent me flying off my chair before... and he gave me whackings that no one can imagine... belt... canes... he stuffed chilli down my throat before too...
all these beatings that i have when i was young made me immuned to the beatings with one cane... at that point of time, one cane just have no effect... cause i am just so used to being beaten up by 3...
after every beating... every quarrel... he will come into my room to apologise when i tried to cry myself to bed... telling me why and how sorry he is for what he had done... i admit i am at fault at times but not all the time...
when i was young, i am just so used to all those fighting things that goes on outside and get brought back home... not only the fight between him and my poor mother, but also the fight he had with my cousin...
i can say my cousin deserve it since he is really a rubbish in the family.. but i do not think it is appropriate to bring that home right?
police came and the 3 of us are crying... we were young then... dont know how to react...
all these dispute and fight can last till late nights and i still have to get to school the next day...
that was most probably the past... i dare not say that things remained the same even now.. cause somethings did took a change for the better...
maybe because he was a gangster in the past... that is why he is so scare that his daughter will turn out to be some ah lian or something.. so he is always saying nasty things that make me sound so cheap... cause he will just assume that i will go out and do stupid things will idiot guys and get myself into some trouble... and that is the reason why i choose to tell my mother everything that is going on in my life now including whatever that is happening to me and around me...i think she needs assurance and she deserve to know them...
just sometime this year, my mother came to realise the existance of another girl in his life... even now.. i believe she is still there... in fact.. i think the whole family know that she is there just that no one choose to say anything about it... we all wanted peace after what happened a few months ago...
there is this huge argument... my mother called up my dad's boss only to realise that my father is not bringing money home because he spend them all and not like what he claimed.. he claimed that his boss is not giving him any... the whole thing exploded... not that much trust that my dad's boss is giving him and my nanny came over that night...
she came to try to solve the dispute and try to bring me away... i was crying like dont know what happened and i bet she is just afraid that i will do something silly... i stayed on and that is the worst period in my life so far that i can remember...
i cant deny the fact that he did bring us on holidays for 2 of my december holidays... but that only happens when he struck lottery... when was the last time we have holiday together as a whole family...
he had those bad things and hardly any good ones... he drink he smoke and it think his drinking is the source of all troubles... he can attempt to commit suicide when he is drunk... i experienced that twice and it is definitely not something nice... cause i do have fear for losing him... so i have to force my crying eyes to remain open to see that he dont do stupid things...
he is always doubtful of people and i think that is in the genes.. that may be the reason that cause me to be so paranoia...
i never blamed my mtoher for giving me a father like him... instead i blame myself for the existance in this world... cause without us, my mother could jolly well leave him and find the happiness she deserved...
i maybe very pessimistic but i never thought of death except when my dad and mother quarrel.. cause when that happen you will just wish that you are not there... cause if i am not there... my mother can just pack and leave... and i feel lost cause i just dont know what to do... my mother can actually attempt suicide when they quarrel... i witnessed her attempt once... he pulled her back...
peace never last long at home... there is just something going on now and my dad simply love locking himself up in his room... smoking... that stinks up the whole room...
so i suppose that is the story of my dad...
i have never written something like this...
i am not sad... i am just wondering why and how to make things better...
~*i still give him the respect that he deserve*~
~*i still greet him whenever he come home*~
~*although no one else in the house is doing that*~
~*hoping that he will change*~
~*hoping that he will learn*~
~*But be warned*~
~*Below has hardly anything nice about him*~
i told myself that one fine day i will write an entry about my father... the man of the house... and everything about him... but i know it is not going to be anything nice... there are hardly any nice things that i can say about him... and please... that is the truth... not that i am agitated now or something... i am being perfectly calm now cause i am alone at home... and i have think through this very long before i decide to post this entry...
there will be no consequences... so i dont really care... and i think it is a good chance to let others know that i dont come from a happy family besides the fact that i actually have a good mother that i feel real guilty to and someone whom i am still learning to treasure... C=
this man... i am glad that i never get topic like 'My Father' for essay when i was young.. because i will really have no idea how to write and what to write about him...
i envy people who have daddy who will dote on them...
maybe i should start with some description.. i will find the chance to get his photo with my handphone... he is a fine young man... or at least he look like one... he is already 51 and yet he dont look like he is 51... he still have the thinking that he is still 18 or whatever shit and still doing things that only youngster in his generation used to do... he stand tall... much taller than me and my mother... maybe 180? ya.. i think so... and he is thin and not really skinny.. he dont have muscles but he dont look weak.. i think it is because of his skin colour... we have this in the genes.. like it or not.. most of us in the family are tanned and not to mention my dad who works as a construction worker foreman.. under the sun...all the more he is tan...so in the end he look like some fine young man with proper workouts.. he do not have big stomach as though he is n months pregnant... so can you imagine the charm that he has or rather, the charm that he think he still have...
my father... someone who is always the one with a black face at home...even if there are jokes... the jokes will usually not last for more than half an hour... he will spoil the lively and happy environment in less than an hour when he start to do stuid things that will agitate my sisters and make them angry or upset... and he will continues to do whatever he like until he get what he wants despite my mother and i trying to ask him to stop... so conclusion is peace never last long in my house...
i think the above mentioned senerio is something that only happened recently...maybe i should just start from what happened and what i have heard of about him since young...
there are just so many things... i have a close nanny... she took care of us when my sister and i were young.. and i swear... one day i will also write an entry about this wonderful lady who do played a major part in my life.. my childhood... without her... i really cannot imagine what it will be like... all the things that she told me about my father and even my grandmother.. you will never imagine and i can never imagine hearing them from my mother also...
mine is a big family which my mother dont really give a damn to cause the people at the paternal side are mostly really nothing but rubbish.. i know that sounds bad and reflect badly on my mother... but when you are my mother, you really cannot help but think this way... yet.. despite all these, she is still giving all the due respect to people there...
i was born into this big family.. i dont even have a single idea how my dad got to know my mother.. my mother if given a chance will never choose my dad... that is for sure.. that is what i know about her... if she had a chance...
they got together through match making.. they met each other at the KFC in the shopping centre next to Beauty World shopping centre... from what i know... the wedding is held quite soon after the death of my grandfather... but i am not very sure about this fact though...
but for what i know..i have at least a half brother.. someone that i have yet to see... someone older than me... my dad had it with a girl... yet the family is not willing to accept the girl... so do you think that this marriage between my dad and my mother has my dad as the willing party?
both of them were quite of some age when they met each other... so i think that this marriage is not really something that both of them want but just something to force the two of them to settle down... especially for my dad...
i dont really know how to continue... but i will...
then came the marriage which i suppose to be a happy event since both families are eager to force their children to settle down... so after the marriage came me... i was brought to existance...
my mother had me... and something that no one can ever imagine happened... my dad had an affair outside... and please be assured that this will not be the only time that you see the word affair cause he just have more than one...
i dont know how things got settled or is it some family member drilled some senses into my dad before my birth... so i was born into this world... i lived with my grandmother or rather my family, the 3 of us stayed in the small apartment in Bukit Gombak with my grandmother till i am about 1 before shifting here to my current address...
according to my mother... my grandmother dont really cared much about her when she was in her confinement period... not much cooking done for her... not to say the next 2 birth of my sisters...
then during the about 1 year stay there, nothing much good and happy happened there...
i heard that i have a dad who forced open my eyes when i am young.. my mother concluded that that is the very reason why i have such bad eye sight in my right eye... thats her conclusion...
i heard that i have a dad who sent me a slap across my face when i am still a small baby... the only thing that my mother could do then was to take me to find my nanny, crying... the 2 of us crying...
he was drunk... drunk then but that does not seem to give him a reason to slap a baby across the face...
then shifted to the new house... came my 2 sisters... both pregnancy... not a single pregnancy that my mother have without worry... and yes.. my dad had affairs on both incidents.. i lost count of how many times le... seriously... i dont really care now...
i have a dad who get so drunk home most of the time... i have a dad who can be out at night for more than 3 days a week when i was young... my mother struggled to bring us up... never get much help from my dad... i admired and honour my mother.. she have the capability to carry one in her hand, pull one with the other and have one in her tummy... that was what happened during her third pregnancy when she still have to bring us to our nanny every morning before going to work...
i dont remember my dad paying for any bills at home not to mention giving us our allowance.. i think with the use of one hand i can count the number of times that he gave us money... and i only remember him bringing a lady home for a mahjong session only later to let us realise that he is having an affair with her... hold on.. did i say that that lady is an OLD lady?
maybe it is because of my dad that i never like the idea of coming home when i was young.. i like it at my nanny's house...
then come when we grow older... when i was only secondary one.. like i say... i dont like changes and that started since then... i never like the idea of hanging out with my secondary friends until quite late of the year... so do you think that i will have made my way to Jurong Point when i was just secondary one?
he questioned me... asked me why i went there... my cousin say she spotted me there... she have no idea what trouble she got me into when she said that...my cousins, or rather, other people's kids are always the good kids and the girl typing this here is the bad and naughty one...
he did not believe me... i am like that... i hate being wronged.. so i think that is the first time that i talked back to him... and i got a serious whacking for that...
up till now... i bet he still believe what my cousin said back then...
he still believe that other people's kids are better..
he gave me a slap across my face that sent me flying off my chair before... and he gave me whackings that no one can imagine... belt... canes... he stuffed chilli down my throat before too...
all these beatings that i have when i was young made me immuned to the beatings with one cane... at that point of time, one cane just have no effect... cause i am just so used to being beaten up by 3...
after every beating... every quarrel... he will come into my room to apologise when i tried to cry myself to bed... telling me why and how sorry he is for what he had done... i admit i am at fault at times but not all the time...
when i was young, i am just so used to all those fighting things that goes on outside and get brought back home... not only the fight between him and my poor mother, but also the fight he had with my cousin...
i can say my cousin deserve it since he is really a rubbish in the family.. but i do not think it is appropriate to bring that home right?
police came and the 3 of us are crying... we were young then... dont know how to react...
all these dispute and fight can last till late nights and i still have to get to school the next day...
that was most probably the past... i dare not say that things remained the same even now.. cause somethings did took a change for the better...
maybe because he was a gangster in the past... that is why he is so scare that his daughter will turn out to be some ah lian or something.. so he is always saying nasty things that make me sound so cheap... cause he will just assume that i will go out and do stupid things will idiot guys and get myself into some trouble... and that is the reason why i choose to tell my mother everything that is going on in my life now including whatever that is happening to me and around me...i think she needs assurance and she deserve to know them...
just sometime this year, my mother came to realise the existance of another girl in his life... even now.. i believe she is still there... in fact.. i think the whole family know that she is there just that no one choose to say anything about it... we all wanted peace after what happened a few months ago...
there is this huge argument... my mother called up my dad's boss only to realise that my father is not bringing money home because he spend them all and not like what he claimed.. he claimed that his boss is not giving him any... the whole thing exploded... not that much trust that my dad's boss is giving him and my nanny came over that night...
she came to try to solve the dispute and try to bring me away... i was crying like dont know what happened and i bet she is just afraid that i will do something silly... i stayed on and that is the worst period in my life so far that i can remember...
i cant deny the fact that he did bring us on holidays for 2 of my december holidays... but that only happens when he struck lottery... when was the last time we have holiday together as a whole family...
he had those bad things and hardly any good ones... he drink he smoke and it think his drinking is the source of all troubles... he can attempt to commit suicide when he is drunk... i experienced that twice and it is definitely not something nice... cause i do have fear for losing him... so i have to force my crying eyes to remain open to see that he dont do stupid things...
he is always doubtful of people and i think that is in the genes.. that may be the reason that cause me to be so paranoia...
i never blamed my mtoher for giving me a father like him... instead i blame myself for the existance in this world... cause without us, my mother could jolly well leave him and find the happiness she deserved...
i maybe very pessimistic but i never thought of death except when my dad and mother quarrel.. cause when that happen you will just wish that you are not there... cause if i am not there... my mother can just pack and leave... and i feel lost cause i just dont know what to do... my mother can actually attempt suicide when they quarrel... i witnessed her attempt once... he pulled her back...
peace never last long at home... there is just something going on now and my dad simply love locking himself up in his room... smoking... that stinks up the whole room...
so i suppose that is the story of my dad...
i have never written something like this...
i am not sad... i am just wondering why and how to make things better...
~*i still give him the respect that he deserve*~
~*i still greet him whenever he come home*~
~*although no one else in the house is doing that*~
~*hoping that he will change*~
~*hoping that he will learn*~
.::Rarr::.
~*i just woke up*~
~*OOPS*~
haha...i am so tired recently... so i think i will go back and sleep after this...
tomorrow should i go out? it seems like a super short day...
anyway... my day dont seem to start out happily today... i seriously cannot stand guys who are not gentleman... rarr...
this happy morning... i went to school... reach the table only to find my friends not there... only got some other people.. from my class...so yah... my classmates...
then when the bell rings. i have to lung everything to the track for morning assmebly by myself... not alot la hor... plus my bag... 4 bags and 2 files la... very little only...
dont know where are their brains...sorry...i am angry and if you happen to see this entry, i also dont care...
rarr
i was still waiting...maybe they will help... but happily the 2 guys and one girl just walked off.. i remember walking pass them when i struggled my way to the track... still dont offer to help... i think i know why your 2 would not help.. the size la... i understand i understand... rarr... CRAP...
please lor... use your eyes see also know i am struggling... i dont want to ask for anything from my current classmates... i mean those that i am NOT CLOSE WITH... rarr... ask them help with something seems to be able to kill them or something...
maybe that is the reason why i am so so quiet in class most of the time... cause i dont really find any topic to talk to people who are so so gentleman... rarr...
oops...i just ranted and complain.. haha... i dont care... haha... i am not an angel... i also get fed up at times ok... let me emphasize!!! I HAVE YET TO LOSE MY TEMPER IN SCHOOL...!
that is something quite amazing..i learn how to ren and i think i am so so cool.. bleah.. praising myself... haha...
oh ya... yihui is back today!!!but still no one to stonewith me... rarr... nevermind...haha...
nevermind... lets move on... another topic... MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA!!!
did i say the book was cool? i missed the movie..i did not go and see...
'We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course'
i got that from the book... and i think it seems quite cool huh... haha...
last night something stupid happened and i hate that something stupid... rarr...
my msn messenger decide to die on me... so clever me have to uninstall noton antivirus 2006 and msn and reinstall both... i hate this... and even IMVU is not working... sobs...
got people say i stupid huh... ok fine... abit la... seems like yesterday is not something to do with my computer... it is something wrong with the service... but it is STABLE AND RUNNING leh... haha...whatever... just happy that i can pop online now...
oh no... baby keep barking away...so sensitive now... dont know what is wrong with her... she needs to go out for a walk... haha... maybe tomorrow? haha...
so many people asked me how to get to sajc this few days huh... take bus.. or take train...
bus... 985,966,857,8,154,151,142... oh...i not sure about 31 and 21... so many bus that i cannot remember... these buses will end up at the side gate...the one nearer to the kids school... along PIE...
if not... take bus from Toa PaYoh... if not walk from potong pasir MRT... haha...
should i go suntec this friday? or should i go Plaza singapore to stock on things for dreamcatcher? haha
oh.. .did i mention that the 7 jie mei rocks? haha... thank you all for being there...
C=
though most of them never ask why i am feeling down.. but i know they care... all the stupid jokes nad fun i class.. makes teacher blood boils.. muahahahah...
i am a bad girl.. rar... haha... d=
i can tell you...i am still trying... thank you for telling me what you want at times...
i know the reason why... C=
~*thank you all for everything*~
~*OOPS*~
haha...i am so tired recently... so i think i will go back and sleep after this...
tomorrow should i go out? it seems like a super short day...
anyway... my day dont seem to start out happily today... i seriously cannot stand guys who are not gentleman... rarr...
this happy morning... i went to school... reach the table only to find my friends not there... only got some other people.. from my class...so yah... my classmates...
then when the bell rings. i have to lung everything to the track for morning assmebly by myself... not alot la hor... plus my bag... 4 bags and 2 files la... very little only...
dont know where are their brains...sorry...i am angry and if you happen to see this entry, i also dont care...
rarr
i was still waiting...maybe they will help... but happily the 2 guys and one girl just walked off.. i remember walking pass them when i struggled my way to the track... still dont offer to help... i think i know why your 2 would not help.. the size la... i understand i understand... rarr... CRAP...
please lor... use your eyes see also know i am struggling... i dont want to ask for anything from my current classmates... i mean those that i am NOT CLOSE WITH... rarr... ask them help with something seems to be able to kill them or something...
maybe that is the reason why i am so so quiet in class most of the time... cause i dont really find any topic to talk to people who are so so gentleman... rarr...
oops...i just ranted and complain.. haha... i dont care... haha... i am not an angel... i also get fed up at times ok... let me emphasize!!! I HAVE YET TO LOSE MY TEMPER IN SCHOOL...!
that is something quite amazing..i learn how to ren and i think i am so so cool.. bleah.. praising myself... haha...
oh ya... yihui is back today!!!but still no one to stonewith me... rarr... nevermind...haha...
nevermind... lets move on... another topic... MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA!!!
did i say the book was cool? i missed the movie..i did not go and see...
'We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course'
i got that from the book... and i think it seems quite cool huh... haha...
last night something stupid happened and i hate that something stupid... rarr...
my msn messenger decide to die on me... so clever me have to uninstall noton antivirus 2006 and msn and reinstall both... i hate this... and even IMVU is not working... sobs...
got people say i stupid huh... ok fine... abit la... seems like yesterday is not something to do with my computer... it is something wrong with the service... but it is STABLE AND RUNNING leh... haha...whatever... just happy that i can pop online now...
oh no... baby keep barking away...so sensitive now... dont know what is wrong with her... she needs to go out for a walk... haha... maybe tomorrow? haha...
so many people asked me how to get to sajc this few days huh... take bus.. or take train...
bus... 985,966,857,8,154,151,142... oh...i not sure about 31 and 21... so many bus that i cannot remember... these buses will end up at the side gate...the one nearer to the kids school... along PIE...
if not... take bus from Toa PaYoh... if not walk from potong pasir MRT... haha...
should i go suntec this friday? or should i go Plaza singapore to stock on things for dreamcatcher? haha
oh.. .did i mention that the 7 jie mei rocks? haha... thank you all for being there...
C=
though most of them never ask why i am feeling down.. but i know they care... all the stupid jokes nad fun i class.. makes teacher blood boils.. muahahahah...
i am a bad girl.. rar... haha... d=
i can tell you...i am still trying... thank you for telling me what you want at times...
i know the reason why... C=
~*thank you all for everything*~
.::whatever it is::.
i have a conclusion... or rather...i think i still should make myself clear...
i am still happy... C=
i am still happy... C=
.::hmm::.
let time solve your problem... i can only hope that you will be ok soon...
sometimes i am thinking... if only... hmm... nevermind...
if those words no longer mean anything
if those words are said only for the sake of saying
if those words are just something that can make others happy
i rather i do not hear them
but i meant what i said
and i still want more of those words from you
i hope when things come to an end... the thing that is binding us is no longer just a promise... thank you for the time...
i realise it hurts to hear that song... i want to know why... i also want to know how... but the song really hurts... i am not the one feeling the pain... it is you...
i want to know why you have to go through all these...
i realise this is the second time that i am handling something like that... but i know i dont mind... when the feeling is there... you will realise that nothing else matters... but whatever that i have thought through... i have really thought through...
everything is ok with me unless you mind...cause i know i would not mind and i think i can give you all the trust that you want and you need... but i need the chance and choice in return...
i am thinking.. if i let things remain as a joke... will i not worry so much now?
~*you will be ok*~
Monday, May 22, 2006
.::Hmmm::.
~*hmm...*~
i dont know what i am thinking... this morning do not seem to be a happy morning... i get frusrated over the usual slow walking speed of my friends... but despite that i did not say anything... i just make my way to class without them...
then come maths test result... suppose to be something happy cause i managed to pass another test!!! but... after a while... i get real down again... dont ask me why... cause i dont think i know why...
then come to lecture... the chemistry lecture.. the only thing that i know was tired... maybe i should not have slept so late last night... but i know i cant sleep last night...
then after that was a small break... i took out the ch0colate and started eating again... haven replenish stock...oh no... who will be a kind soul and buy me chocolate?
haha...anyway...i stayed awake during math lecture due to all the copying... i felt better then...
then had biology lecture... i kind of miss yihui... if yihui is there, there will be someone to stone with me...
but anyway...towards the end of the day, things got alot better for me... i felt better...alot better... then after biology was a small break and i ate the mixed rice which is not very nice huh... rarr...
nice rice... but choa dah curry sauce... YUCKS...
then after that all the suaning start and i went on for chemistry tutorial... 1.45!!! the last lesson of the day!!! hmm...
then dont know why i started feeling down again...
anyway...was high during chem and after finish blogging i will be going to do chemistry... not that i like chemistry ok...
then this wednesday!!! end early... tuesday... i let myself end early... or should i go out? hmmm... iz the last week of school lor...
Da Vinci code haven watch... should i go this friday with them? hmm...
oh ya... during chem tutorial, someone clever called me... and since i am sitting at the last row and i dont really care about that teacher... so i picked up the call.. oops.. bad girl... haha...
someone clever called me to ask me how long is the 985 bus trip from dont know where to cck..s i assume is kallang... so ya... 45 minutes bah... hmm...my phone got problem so what i hear was very soft... but i think i heard someone's name huh...
aiya...whatever la...
oh no... my bed...rarr.. my sis slept on it without bathing and anything...rarr... nevermind... i ren...
oh ya.. holiday coming!! rarr... happy... four weeks!!! go out ok? but have to study...so.. have to control and set a certain restriction.. but i dont mind going out to study...haha... hmm... MAC again? haha... oops C=
oh ya... i sort of la dao my leg yesterday... rarr.. pain... haha.. but not very pain...
haha... what am i feeling now? i dont know... unsure bah...haha...
maybe i should include my feelings at the end of all my entries... haha...
~*unsure*~
~*trying to read the signs*~
i dont know what i am thinking... this morning do not seem to be a happy morning... i get frusrated over the usual slow walking speed of my friends... but despite that i did not say anything... i just make my way to class without them...
then come maths test result... suppose to be something happy cause i managed to pass another test!!! but... after a while... i get real down again... dont ask me why... cause i dont think i know why...
then come to lecture... the chemistry lecture.. the only thing that i know was tired... maybe i should not have slept so late last night... but i know i cant sleep last night...
then after that was a small break... i took out the ch0colate and started eating again... haven replenish stock...oh no... who will be a kind soul and buy me chocolate?
haha...anyway...i stayed awake during math lecture due to all the copying... i felt better then...
then had biology lecture... i kind of miss yihui... if yihui is there, there will be someone to stone with me...
but anyway...towards the end of the day, things got alot better for me... i felt better...alot better... then after biology was a small break and i ate the mixed rice which is not very nice huh... rarr...
nice rice... but choa dah curry sauce... YUCKS...
then after that all the suaning start and i went on for chemistry tutorial... 1.45!!! the last lesson of the day!!! hmm...
then dont know why i started feeling down again...
anyway...was high during chem and after finish blogging i will be going to do chemistry... not that i like chemistry ok...
then this wednesday!!! end early... tuesday... i let myself end early... or should i go out? hmmm... iz the last week of school lor...
Da Vinci code haven watch... should i go this friday with them? hmm...
oh ya... during chem tutorial, someone clever called me... and since i am sitting at the last row and i dont really care about that teacher... so i picked up the call.. oops.. bad girl... haha...
someone clever called me to ask me how long is the 985 bus trip from dont know where to cck..s i assume is kallang... so ya... 45 minutes bah... hmm...my phone got problem so what i hear was very soft... but i think i heard someone's name huh...
aiya...whatever la...
oh no... my bed...rarr.. my sis slept on it without bathing and anything...rarr... nevermind... i ren...
oh ya.. holiday coming!! rarr... happy... four weeks!!! go out ok? but have to study...so.. have to control and set a certain restriction.. but i dont mind going out to study...haha... hmm... MAC again? haha... oops C=
oh ya... i sort of la dao my leg yesterday... rarr.. pain... haha.. but not very pain...
haha... what am i feeling now? i dont know... unsure bah...haha...
maybe i should include my feelings at the end of all my entries... haha...
~*unsure*~
~*trying to read the signs*~
.::Hmmm...::.
~*the longest ever walk home*~
hmm...i strolled around for an hour plus on that faithful sunday night...never tried that before...
i never feel that before too... i dont know... i cant find anything to describe my feelings now...
ok... i only know i cant go home with that look on my face... why? let her ask more? or let her chase me to go study?
i dont know...i only know that there is this dispute going on at home...which i dont know is good or bad... and i dont know when it will end... peace never last longer than 1 month at home...
there will always be time when he will start throwing his temper around like some little kids...
i am used to it...so ok bah...
actually... i realise that i have never done something like that before... but i think the things going on this time round is different...
time... time will tell the answer... but will you give time a chance? haha...ok... you are giving time a chance now... thankyou... C=
something real bad happened... my poor handphone... dying from excessive sms ing on sunday night... not that incident...but after that when some people sms me and i get real shocked... cause i did not expect that... but... anyway...
ok la... i know i am real slacked...but i heard a real happy thing...which also make me real stressed... i am now thinking what i should wear le lor... oh no...haha...
i have never done anything like this in my life before... oh my god... people do change...
~*tomorrow will be a better day*~
~*i am tired..*~
finally i get to use the computer lor...rarr haha
hmm...i strolled around for an hour plus on that faithful sunday night...never tried that before...
i never feel that before too... i dont know... i cant find anything to describe my feelings now...
ok... i only know i cant go home with that look on my face... why? let her ask more? or let her chase me to go study?
i dont know...i only know that there is this dispute going on at home...which i dont know is good or bad... and i dont know when it will end... peace never last longer than 1 month at home...
there will always be time when he will start throwing his temper around like some little kids...
i am used to it...so ok bah...
actually... i realise that i have never done something like that before... but i think the things going on this time round is different...
time... time will tell the answer... but will you give time a chance? haha...ok... you are giving time a chance now... thankyou... C=
something real bad happened... my poor handphone... dying from excessive sms ing on sunday night... not that incident...but after that when some people sms me and i get real shocked... cause i did not expect that... but... anyway...
ok la... i know i am real slacked...but i heard a real happy thing...which also make me real stressed... i am now thinking what i should wear le lor... oh no...haha...
i have never done anything like this in my life before... oh my god... people do change...
~*tomorrow will be a better day*~
~*i am tired..*~
finally i get to use the computer lor...rarr haha
Sunday, May 21, 2006
.::PAIN::.
~*pain is the only thing that i feeling now*~
haha...not emotionally or mentally or whatever...just physically...my eyes pain... so pain...rarr.. ok la...not so pain...but feels weird...real weird...
hmm...i will not cry... haha... i will only tear...sobs...
anyway...these few days really very slack..i shall not comment on where i went...if not later people will murder me...
so...today...yes..i went to a BBQ...haha... which i only sat there and do nothing most of the time
that is what i always do... take care of things...haha..i dont mind... as long as they happy...but sometimes really very gek... really like bringing some kids out like that LOR..haha...
i did go crazy with them ok...haha..i did...
haha...
exams coming...i have my schedule le... haix...
but i really hope that everything will turn out well...
things are going the right way in my life recently..i mean... she should be ok le... from what i conclude...
i screamed after she called me...haha...so happy can?
haha...
i really dont know what will happen between them...i seriously think he should let his parent know...but anyway...it is his choice... and i hope that things will be ok between them...
i think she is just another strong person...another brave soul.. no matter how depressed or sad she is...she is still trying to help as a friend... she earned my respects... C=
great...
oh no... my eye really hurts...
haha... everything now is enough... i am happy... C=
~*THANK YOU*~
~* C= *~
haha...not emotionally or mentally or whatever...just physically...my eyes pain... so pain...rarr.. ok la...not so pain...but feels weird...real weird...
hmm...i will not cry... haha... i will only tear...sobs...
anyway...these few days really very slack..i shall not comment on where i went...if not later people will murder me...
so...today...yes..i went to a BBQ...haha... which i only sat there and do nothing most of the time
that is what i always do... take care of things...haha..i dont mind... as long as they happy...but sometimes really very gek... really like bringing some kids out like that LOR..haha...
i did go crazy with them ok...haha..i did...
haha...
exams coming...i have my schedule le... haix...
but i really hope that everything will turn out well...
things are going the right way in my life recently..i mean... she should be ok le... from what i conclude...
i screamed after she called me...haha...so happy can?
haha...
i really dont know what will happen between them...i seriously think he should let his parent know...but anyway...it is his choice... and i hope that things will be ok between them...
i think she is just another strong person...another brave soul.. no matter how depressed or sad she is...she is still trying to help as a friend... she earned my respects... C=
great...
oh no... my eye really hurts...
haha... everything now is enough... i am happy... C=
~*THANK YOU*~
~* C= *~
Friday, May 19, 2006
.::what happened?::.
~*Everything was fine*~
~*The sun still shine*~
~*UNTIL....!*~
everything was ok today...besides the fact that i am abit too tired... ok...everything was FINE...until i had problem opening the game... rarr
as usual... when the blog that i am trying to visit is loading, i will suddenly feel so bored for that split second and i will just move my mouse cursor over to the start menu which in my case is on the top right hand side...
the click on the start menu will send me a long list of icons and things and there on the top, the third from the top has my favourite game... SPIDER SOLITAIRE(SS)!!!
happily...i clicked on it... expecting something to pop up as usual.. then i will select the easiest game...but oh no... something went wrong today!!!
something pop up...but it is not what i want!!!
Missing shortcut...okok... then i let it search...thankfully something come out...if not i will collaspe on the spot.... anyway...
ya...i am feeling super tired now... i feel like sleeping.. i miss my bed...muahaha... so... i think i will go to bed after 3 wins of SPIDER SOLITAIRE!!!
oh no..tomorrow winston's BBQ...hao lian pi myself asked to tagged along somehow..oops...
hope i dont get depressed tomorrow...i always get depressed when i go west coast park... d=
~*i know i wouldn't*~
~*haaha... i have got SS!!!*~
~* C= *~
~*The sun still shine*~
~*UNTIL....!*~
everything was ok today...besides the fact that i am abit too tired... ok...everything was FINE...until i had problem opening the game... rarr
as usual... when the blog that i am trying to visit is loading, i will suddenly feel so bored for that split second and i will just move my mouse cursor over to the start menu which in my case is on the top right hand side...
the click on the start menu will send me a long list of icons and things and there on the top, the third from the top has my favourite game... SPIDER SOLITAIRE(SS)!!!
happily...i clicked on it... expecting something to pop up as usual.. then i will select the easiest game...but oh no... something went wrong today!!!
something pop up...but it is not what i want!!!
Missing shortcut...okok... then i let it search...thankfully something come out...if not i will collaspe on the spot.... anyway...
ya...i am feeling super tired now... i feel like sleeping.. i miss my bed...muahaha... so... i think i will go to bed after 3 wins of SPIDER SOLITAIRE!!!
oh no..tomorrow winston's BBQ...hao lian pi myself asked to tagged along somehow..oops...
hope i dont get depressed tomorrow...i always get depressed when i go west coast park... d=
~*i know i wouldn't*~
~*haaha... i have got SS!!!*~
~* C= *~
Thursday, May 18, 2006
.::How strong is the will?::.
~*how much longer?*~
~*how much more?*~
how strong is my will in handling these things? i dont have a single idea when iwill just let go... cause it is just so tempting to not care anything... so easy to let go... or rather so easy to appear that i let go...
the struggle and everything... how tempting it is to hide myself in my own shell but i know i cant... i have a mother who is constantly there to remind me how wonderful the world will be if i let go and start to do all my own things...
how wonderful a mother i have...
cant blame her... i think she knows me well...
i bet she is also tired of coming home and not seeing a smile on her daughter's face... that is me... i dont know how to be ok or how to be normal infront of families and loved ones...
either i appear to be extremely happy or i will just get extremely sad...but the aftermath is never something good...
cause for whatever that happen, there will be an opposition... i will start to get darn moody after that...
not that i dont want to let her know what i am thinking...but will she understand? nothing is more important than me getting prepared for exams... and again...cannot blame her for that...
ya... it is a nice question... how strong is my will to hold on? i dont know... maybe one day i will just get tired of everything and i will just put a stop to everything... since she had done it before...i dont think i cant... so ya...
hmm... i need hello panda~!!! some kind soul buy for me? muahaha...
hmm... should i or should i not... whatever...i got a stupid person who is not replying my message... so cool right.. how to make a decision when i dont even know who is going? oh great...he gave me a reply... 'nite' so cool right? whatever...
hmm... something cool?embarrassin happened in my parents room... hmm...haha
hmm... someone came home with a camera... it is so heated up and it is so warm and it is spoiled...haha...oops.. nevermind... not my papa buy one... d=
hmm... i hope that nothing will go wrong... and i think it is really time to control my emotions...so...haha...i am trying... really...
hmm... i hope everything said is true and will be true... and just what is going on?
sorry...currently i am pissed by some clever people's reply..so yah...rarr...
or should i not go? hmmm...
~*sorry*~
~* C= *~
~*how much more?*~
how strong is my will in handling these things? i dont have a single idea when iwill just let go... cause it is just so tempting to not care anything... so easy to let go... or rather so easy to appear that i let go...
the struggle and everything... how tempting it is to hide myself in my own shell but i know i cant... i have a mother who is constantly there to remind me how wonderful the world will be if i let go and start to do all my own things...
how wonderful a mother i have...
cant blame her... i think she knows me well...
i bet she is also tired of coming home and not seeing a smile on her daughter's face... that is me... i dont know how to be ok or how to be normal infront of families and loved ones...
either i appear to be extremely happy or i will just get extremely sad...but the aftermath is never something good...
cause for whatever that happen, there will be an opposition... i will start to get darn moody after that...
not that i dont want to let her know what i am thinking...but will she understand? nothing is more important than me getting prepared for exams... and again...cannot blame her for that...
ya... it is a nice question... how strong is my will to hold on? i dont know... maybe one day i will just get tired of everything and i will just put a stop to everything... since she had done it before...i dont think i cant... so ya...
hmm... i need hello panda~!!! some kind soul buy for me? muahaha...
hmm... should i or should i not... whatever...i got a stupid person who is not replying my message... so cool right.. how to make a decision when i dont even know who is going? oh great...he gave me a reply... 'nite' so cool right? whatever...
hmm... something cool?embarrassin happened in my parents room... hmm...haha
hmm... someone came home with a camera... it is so heated up and it is so warm and it is spoiled...haha...oops.. nevermind... not my papa buy one... d=
hmm... i hope that nothing will go wrong... and i think it is really time to control my emotions...so...haha...i am trying... really...
hmm... i hope everything said is true and will be true... and just what is going on?
sorry...currently i am pissed by some clever people's reply..so yah...rarr...
or should i not go? hmmm...
~*sorry*~
~* C= *~
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
.::i think i need assurance::.
~*how i wish time pass faster*~
~*i want to know the truth for EVERYTHING*~
~*i need reassurance please*~
yah...those are the few things that i am thinking now...i think i need my bed for a while... haix...why am i so tired?
i wish that i know...yah...so... i think i need reassurance before i start thinking stupidly again...and i really, seriously hope that time will pass faster... i need answer... answers for EVERYTHING....
anyway... yah... thank you again for whatever you said... not what you said that make me cry...but just all those that are going through my mind... i was crying even before i talked to you...
hmm...i think i am not going to school on FRIDAY!!! i want to go out...i want to go to that cafe in Yishun... so anyone interested?
hmm...i scare i lost my way...hahas... d=
my ankle...something seems not very right again... i hope it will be ok... i can run le!!! so... should be ok... so i run and then when i was on my way home...hmm...my knee pain?! so... ooops lor... haha...
anyway... i seriously need reassurance... i dont have a single idea how to voice out what i am thinking... but i know it will be difficult... that is something that i always have problems with... yes.. communications...
so..yah... things will be ok... C=
~*yah... i hope*~
~*i want to know the truth for EVERYTHING*~
~*i need reassurance please*~
yah...those are the few things that i am thinking now...i think i need my bed for a while... haix...why am i so tired?
i wish that i know...yah...so... i think i need reassurance before i start thinking stupidly again...and i really, seriously hope that time will pass faster... i need answer... answers for EVERYTHING....
anyway... yah... thank you again for whatever you said... not what you said that make me cry...but just all those that are going through my mind... i was crying even before i talked to you...
hmm...i think i am not going to school on FRIDAY!!! i want to go out...i want to go to that cafe in Yishun... so anyone interested?
hmm...i scare i lost my way...hahas... d=
my ankle...something seems not very right again... i hope it will be ok... i can run le!!! so... should be ok... so i run and then when i was on my way home...hmm...my knee pain?! so... ooops lor... haha...
anyway... i seriously need reassurance... i dont have a single idea how to voice out what i am thinking... but i know it will be difficult... that is something that i always have problems with... yes.. communications...
so..yah... things will be ok... C=
~*yah... i hope*~
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
.::I have to be ok::.
~*i realise and i think i know*~
there is nothing i can do except wait now right? so ya...that is just what i am going to do... there is nothing that i can do...
i have a mother who kept finding every opportunity to force me to shed this thing off my shoulder...but NO!!! i think i have to handle this...
i seriously have the urge to tell him... i am now the only one near the party... i fear that by the time something happened and i choose to tell him, it will be way too late... but i know i cannot tell him...anyway...tell him also no use right?
so..yah...wait lor... what else can i do?
dont ask me whether i am ok or not...i dont dare to go online now... so here i am posting and back to work...homework and my chemistry test tomorrow... i hope everything will be ok...
i am praying every morning though i dont really believe in God but i know God is somehow another source for me to find a peace of mind...besides cooping myself up and hidding in my own shell...
today is suppose to be an ok day...until... then got some clever people called me...ask me how to nagvigate the blog...so clever right?
then...yah...things happened... and...
Thank You for being there...i know you dont know what to say... that is normal...cause there is no solution to this thing...
i hope time pass faster... i need an answer now... i have no idea how things are going on and being processed by her...
i almost broke down and cry when i was cutting up the vegetables for dinner... but i know things will be ok... soon... it will be...
can i tell him? haiz...i know i cant...who am i to decide for him to know? so...her choice to let him know or not...
i seriously need to go out... i am thinking of a place... maybe that is just where i will go tomorrow? but it seems abit too far...yishun...there is this nice place to study... maybe can get free drinks also?... i think i need to go out...before silly things get into my brain again...
so anyone want to go out? rarr...
and PLEASE!!! DARYL CHAN XIANG XING... stop telling me silly stuff before the next time i call you a xing xing... cause i am starting to think that you look like one... muahaha
haix...
~*i can only be ok*~
~*so that is just what i will be*~
~* C= *~
there is nothing i can do except wait now right? so ya...that is just what i am going to do... there is nothing that i can do...
i have a mother who kept finding every opportunity to force me to shed this thing off my shoulder...but NO!!! i think i have to handle this...
i seriously have the urge to tell him... i am now the only one near the party... i fear that by the time something happened and i choose to tell him, it will be way too late... but i know i cannot tell him...anyway...tell him also no use right?
so..yah...wait lor... what else can i do?
dont ask me whether i am ok or not...i dont dare to go online now... so here i am posting and back to work...homework and my chemistry test tomorrow... i hope everything will be ok...
i am praying every morning though i dont really believe in God but i know God is somehow another source for me to find a peace of mind...besides cooping myself up and hidding in my own shell...
today is suppose to be an ok day...until... then got some clever people called me...ask me how to nagvigate the blog...so clever right?
then...yah...things happened... and...
Thank You for being there...i know you dont know what to say... that is normal...cause there is no solution to this thing...
i hope time pass faster... i need an answer now... i have no idea how things are going on and being processed by her...
i almost broke down and cry when i was cutting up the vegetables for dinner... but i know things will be ok... soon... it will be...
can i tell him? haiz...i know i cant...who am i to decide for him to know? so...her choice to let him know or not...
i seriously need to go out... i am thinking of a place... maybe that is just where i will go tomorrow? but it seems abit too far...yishun...there is this nice place to study... maybe can get free drinks also?... i think i need to go out...before silly things get into my brain again...
so anyone want to go out? rarr...
and PLEASE!!! DARYL CHAN XIANG XING... stop telling me silly stuff before the next time i call you a xing xing... cause i am starting to think that you look like one... muahaha
haix...
~*i can only be ok*~
~*so that is just what i will be*~
~* C= *~
.::ACTUALLY::.
not in the mood to type...so here goes...i think yah...i will wake up tomorrow morning in a rarr rarr mood...no amount of chocolate can help i guess... maybe...
i tried before lor... i failed... i managed to do that for half of the day...but when i see the situation, my heart gave in...so the one typing this now is a failure...so...yah...
rarr...i am a failure...
tomorrow will not be a better day...
did i say i hate dreams?
i hope i succeed tomorrow!!! I HOPE!!!
i tried before lor... i failed... i managed to do that for half of the day...but when i see the situation, my heart gave in...so the one typing this now is a failure...so...yah...
rarr...i am a failure...
tomorrow will not be a better day...
did i say i hate dreams?
i hope i succeed tomorrow!!! I HOPE!!!
Monday, May 15, 2006
.::Haiz::.
~*i am not sad*~
~*thanks to the chocolates*~
i finished the whole packet of chocolate that i bought yesterday after dance from 7-eleven..oops...that sound so fattening...but anyway...i am not the only one who ate it la...
thanks to weihong...haha...took that packet of resin chocolate...haha... hmm...my friends simply loves it... haha... and i did not realise that resin rocks that much...
my right eye have been twitching since just now...so yah..that is the bad thing that it is refering to? hmmm...haha...nevermind... i am happy today...
haha... so yah... yesterday dance... nothing much...just that my poor tummy no longer feel so ke lian... i mean..no more yong wei class so not that tiring... people were so happy to hear that it is zi xiang giving the class...
when we about to go off for dinner with my only son there, keelui...lol..kidding... erm...alyssa smsed me...she announced about that dead cat...and yah...we went to see... and really have no idea how it die...so... haix... shall not continue with that...
then we walked to boonkeng for dinner...finally not prata and not mac...
we didnt wait for koonhui and no one really want to tell him the way...erm...sorry...
i dont feel like talking after dance on sunday...cause i suddenly will have that rarr rarr element in my brain body and soul... ya...and you know... somehow get super quiet...but i think yesterday was alot better than usual la...
then got some clever people...because laoshi say he thinner le he jiu eat alot...he did manage to hide his 2 bowl or rice and the fatty meat but we are not going to let him off that easily... so before we went off, we went to gao mi... we told laoshi that he had 2 bowls of rice...
stop saying that i am the one who told laoshi about what happened last week...always wrong me... and ya..although i know who did it...but i cant say... SECOND TIME IN MY LIFE THAT SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPEN LE LOR!!!
ok...got upset and walked off...then i saw this person...someone that looks like my relative...hmm...but it just so dont look like him... but anyway..i went to ask my mama just now...conclusion...should be him...
he looks like him...just that his dressing is different and he has this head of white hair...
he used to own dont know how many underground casino... now? got abit difficulty walking... i still cannot really believe the fact that the one i had seen is him... not convinced la...
got chocolate and went home... and the bus trip... hmm...dont know what to tell jeremy...last week can talk almost the whole journey...but this time round... aiya...i just dont feel like talking...
i talked to mavis today...i realised that both of us are just some different people infront of friends in jc...not that we dont like them...just that... maybe the 2 years is too short... too short and too busy to really know each other...but i am glad that i have this group of friends with me...if not i think i will have give u long ago...and i mean what i say here...
i always mean what i say in this blog...
erm...yah...so what will tomorrow be like?
i dont know...
~*haiz*~
~*i really dont know what to say*~
~*thanks to the chocolates*~
i finished the whole packet of chocolate that i bought yesterday after dance from 7-eleven..oops...that sound so fattening...but anyway...i am not the only one who ate it la...
thanks to weihong...haha...took that packet of resin chocolate...haha... hmm...my friends simply loves it... haha... and i did not realise that resin rocks that much...
my right eye have been twitching since just now...so yah..that is the bad thing that it is refering to? hmmm...haha...nevermind... i am happy today...
haha... so yah... yesterday dance... nothing much...just that my poor tummy no longer feel so ke lian... i mean..no more yong wei class so not that tiring... people were so happy to hear that it is zi xiang giving the class...
when we about to go off for dinner with my only son there, keelui...lol..kidding... erm...alyssa smsed me...she announced about that dead cat...and yah...we went to see... and really have no idea how it die...so... haix... shall not continue with that...
then we walked to boonkeng for dinner...finally not prata and not mac...
we didnt wait for koonhui and no one really want to tell him the way...erm...sorry...
i dont feel like talking after dance on sunday...cause i suddenly will have that rarr rarr element in my brain body and soul... ya...and you know... somehow get super quiet...but i think yesterday was alot better than usual la...
then got some clever people...because laoshi say he thinner le he jiu eat alot...he did manage to hide his 2 bowl or rice and the fatty meat but we are not going to let him off that easily... so before we went off, we went to gao mi... we told laoshi that he had 2 bowls of rice...
stop saying that i am the one who told laoshi about what happened last week...always wrong me... and ya..although i know who did it...but i cant say... SECOND TIME IN MY LIFE THAT SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPEN LE LOR!!!
ok...got upset and walked off...then i saw this person...someone that looks like my relative...hmm...but it just so dont look like him... but anyway..i went to ask my mama just now...conclusion...should be him...
he looks like him...just that his dressing is different and he has this head of white hair...
he used to own dont know how many underground casino... now? got abit difficulty walking... i still cannot really believe the fact that the one i had seen is him... not convinced la...
got chocolate and went home... and the bus trip... hmm...dont know what to tell jeremy...last week can talk almost the whole journey...but this time round... aiya...i just dont feel like talking...
i talked to mavis today...i realised that both of us are just some different people infront of friends in jc...not that we dont like them...just that... maybe the 2 years is too short... too short and too busy to really know each other...but i am glad that i have this group of friends with me...if not i think i will have give u long ago...and i mean what i say here...
i always mean what i say in this blog...
erm...yah...so what will tomorrow be like?
i dont know...
~*haiz*~
~*i really dont know what to say*~
Sunday, May 14, 2006
.::oh no::.
~*so many blog on hand*~
~*de..a.r.g.h....*~
okok...i am going bonkers... hmm...research and after research... talk to my hotline today...hmm...ok... ya...supposingly him and someone else is suppose to be my hotline...someone that i can call when i need help...
but yah...the other one so so busy...disappear le... so yah...understand...so ya...whatever lor...
hmm...not really talked alot...but he did help... i mean..yah...sound advice...so yah... C= thank you...!
someone is going crazy here...so... yah...going bonkers from all the thinking... i dont know... i mean... i really dont know...i know what i want... but i dont know what the world is thinking...
ya...so make it obvious? i know... then? i also dont know...i am trying to stop myself from doing stupid things... ya...so...whatever lor...
i mean... how i wish there are just somethings that can be said out and settled once and for all... even if it is not something that i want, it will still be me alone then...so ya... better than whatever that is happening now... so ya... whatever la...
i thought i have the courage to say everything out here tonight... but i realise i failed... see the above content? nothing much...so... whatever lor... rarr...
i have a conclusion...
if only my hotline can teach me how to be more optimistic.. hmm... aiya...he also zi sheng nan bao... haha...
saw this dead cat...which i am still feeling very puzzled over... how did it die? i mean.. ya... how? it dont look like being knocked down by car.. but whatever it is...i think it dont deserve to die this way...
~*is today a happy day?*~
~*maybe?*~
~*WHATEVER*~
~*de..a.r.g.h....*~
okok...i am going bonkers... hmm...research and after research... talk to my hotline today...hmm...ok... ya...supposingly him and someone else is suppose to be my hotline...someone that i can call when i need help...
but yah...the other one so so busy...disappear le... so yah...understand...so ya...whatever lor...
hmm...not really talked alot...but he did help... i mean..yah...sound advice...so yah... C= thank you...!
someone is going crazy here...so... yah...going bonkers from all the thinking... i dont know... i mean... i really dont know...i know what i want... but i dont know what the world is thinking...
ya...so make it obvious? i know... then? i also dont know...i am trying to stop myself from doing stupid things... ya...so...whatever lor...
i mean... how i wish there are just somethings that can be said out and settled once and for all... even if it is not something that i want, it will still be me alone then...so ya... better than whatever that is happening now... so ya... whatever la...
i thought i have the courage to say everything out here tonight... but i realise i failed... see the above content? nothing much...so... whatever lor... rarr...
i have a conclusion...
if only my hotline can teach me how to be more optimistic.. hmm... aiya...he also zi sheng nan bao... haha...
saw this dead cat...which i am still feeling very puzzled over... how did it die? i mean.. ya... how? it dont look like being knocked down by car.. but whatever it is...i think it dont deserve to die this way...
~*is today a happy day?*~
~*maybe?*~
~*WHATEVER*~
.::恶作剧::.
恶作剧
我找不到很好的原因
屈足等着一切的亲密
这感觉太奇异
我抱歉不能说明
我相信这爱情的定义
奇迹会发生也不一定
风温柔的清晰
也许飘来好消息
一切新鲜有点冒险
请告诉我怎么走到终点
没有人了解
没有人像我和陌生人爱恋
我想我会开始想念你
可是我刚刚才遇见了你
我怀疑这奇遇只是个恶作剧
我想我已慢慢喜欢你
因为我拥有爱情的勇气
我任性投入你给的恶作剧
你给的恶作剧
我找不到很好的原因
屈足等着一切的亲密
这感觉太奇异
我抱歉不能说明
我相信这爱情的定义
奇迹会发生也不一定
风温柔的清晰
也许飘来好消息
我才发现
你很遥远 请让我再嘲笑你的想念
没有人了解
没有人像我和陌生人爱恋
我想我会开始想念你
可是我刚刚才遇见了你
我怀疑这奇遇只是个恶作剧
我想我已慢慢喜欢你
因为我拥有爱情的勇气
我任性投入你给的恶作剧
你给的恶作剧
i dont know why i like this song...maybe that is what i am thinking now? i dont know... mixed feeling...i mean... i know what i want...just whether i want to show it out or not...
confused? scared? yah... i think that is all that i feel now...so ya... that rarr element is coming back... haiz...
我找不到很好的原因
屈足等着一切的亲密
这感觉太奇异
我抱歉不能说明
我相信这爱情的定义
奇迹会发生也不一定
风温柔的清晰
也许飘来好消息
一切新鲜有点冒险
请告诉我怎么走到终点
没有人了解
没有人像我和陌生人爱恋
我想我会开始想念你
可是我刚刚才遇见了你
我怀疑这奇遇只是个恶作剧
我想我已慢慢喜欢你
因为我拥有爱情的勇气
我任性投入你给的恶作剧
你给的恶作剧
我找不到很好的原因
屈足等着一切的亲密
这感觉太奇异
我抱歉不能说明
我相信这爱情的定义
奇迹会发生也不一定
风温柔的清晰
也许飘来好消息
我才发现
你很遥远 请让我再嘲笑你的想念
没有人了解
没有人像我和陌生人爱恋
我想我会开始想念你
可是我刚刚才遇见了你
我怀疑这奇遇只是个恶作剧
我想我已慢慢喜欢你
因为我拥有爱情的勇气
我任性投入你给的恶作剧
你给的恶作剧
i dont know why i like this song...maybe that is what i am thinking now? i dont know... mixed feeling...i mean... i know what i want...just whether i want to show it out or not...
confused? scared? yah... i think that is all that i feel now...so ya... that rarr element is coming back... haiz...
Saturday, May 13, 2006
.::nothing..rarr::.
~*except the fact that i am frustrated*~
ok..dont know what happened when i woke up... rarr... got this rarr element in my mind, my heart, my body, and even my soul... rarr...
but i think i am ok now... coke and sweet talk drinks make a huge difference in my life!!! C=
thats all...
i hope i am not seeing the wrong things...
i hope... rarr
~*rarr*~
~*tomorrow will be a better day*~
ok..dont know what happened when i woke up... rarr... got this rarr element in my mind, my heart, my body, and even my soul... rarr...
but i think i am ok now... coke and sweet talk drinks make a huge difference in my life!!! C=
thats all...
i hope i am not seeing the wrong things...
i hope... rarr
~*rarr*~
~*tomorrow will be a better day*~
.::i think i know::.
~*i realise*~
~*i think i know*~
maybe something should be done? i dont know..hmm...maybe...
i cant get myself to leave anything here...
maybe i am enjoying life in hell now... or rather i am used to it...maybe so be it...
when will the time come when i am the one saying nonsense?
soon i think... let things end the faster way...
`if only i hate u
but... rarr...i hate this complex thing in life...
~*i am ok*~
~*no matter what happen*~
~*i am ok*~
~*i think i know*~
maybe something should be done? i dont know..hmm...maybe...
i cant get myself to leave anything here...
maybe i am enjoying life in hell now... or rather i am used to it...maybe so be it...
when will the time come when i am the one saying nonsense?
soon i think... let things end the faster way...
but... rarr...i hate this complex thing in life...
~*i am ok*~
~*no matter what happen*~
~*i am ok*~
.::a test::.
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
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personality tests by similarminds.com
Advanced Global Personality Test Results |
ok...i check up on those high percentge ones...and...oops... haas..
Paranoia
suspicious of others until they have proven themselves trustworthy, more doubt than belief, preoccuppied with death and suffering, fears being harmed or controlled, bitter, looks for hidden meaning in things, personality is centered around low self esteem issues, feels misunderstood, thinks people would not like them if they really knew them, defensive, often experiences disgust, love-hate relationships with most things, likes to test people's loyalty, thinks life is overrated, focuses on suffering, feels like an outsider, existentially depressed, does not trust what people say, prone to shame, suffers from depression, knows the dark side of life very well, attracted to things associated with sadness, would rather remain alone than risk rejection, hard to get to know, makes enemies, loner
suspicious of others until they have proven themselves trustworthy, more doubt than belief, preoccuppied with death and suffering, fears being harmed or controlled, bitter, looks for hidden meaning in things, personality is centered around low self esteem issues, feels misunderstood, thinks people would not like them if they really knew them, defensive, often experiences disgust, love-hate relationships with most things, likes to test people's loyalty, thinks life is overrated, focuses on suffering, feels like an outsider, existentially depressed, does not trust what people say, prone to shame, suffers from depression, knows the dark side of life very well, attracted to things associated with sadness, would rather remain alone than risk rejection, hard to get to know, makes enemies, loner
Cautiousness
proceeds with care in most endeavors, favors sameness and consistency to suprises, does things by the book, feels that something bad will happen if they let their guard down, not reckless, prefers structure, thinks the world is a dangerous place, prefers the familiar to the unfamiliar, wants everything to add up perfectly, protective of their feelings, prone to paranoia, fears being harmed or controlled, suspicious of others until they have proven themselves trustworthy, worries about making the wrong choices, thinks of things in terms of costs and benefits, prioritizes personal safety, more contemplation than action, perfectionist, refiner, goal oriented, trouble shooter, prefers to stick with what they know, worries about consequences
Change Averse
follows fairly predictable patterns in life, prefers to stick with things they know, routine and habit make them feel secure, prefers the familiar to the unfamiliar, the habits they have now they will have a year from now, does not like to be without guidance, prefers the proven to the experimental, gets very attached to things, wants everything to add up perfectly, desires security and support, more past than future oriented, frequently feels envious, predictable, can't adjust well to new situations, does things by the book, avoids being called on in group discussions, would not enjoy bein an entrepreneur
follows fairly predictable patterns in life, prefers to stick with things they know, routine and habit make them feel secure, prefers the familiar to the unfamiliar, the habits they have now they will have a year from now, does not like to be without guidance, prefers the proven to the experimental, gets very attached to things, wants everything to add up perfectly, desires security and support, more past than future oriented, frequently feels envious, predictable, can't adjust well to new situations, does things by the book, avoids being called on in group discussions, would not enjoy bein an entrepreneur
Dependency
not confident, prone to mistakes, indecisive, desires security and support, fears having no guidance or support, frequently feels envious, not productive without reassurance, gets very attached to people, feels guilty when they disagree with people, seeks acceptance and recognition from peers, dramatizes their suffering, impressionable, can be talked into doing things, fears being unwanted or unworthy of love, never knows what to do next, personality is centered around low self esteem issues, swayed by emotions, can't handle people being mad at me, freezes up in stressful situations, influenced more by others than self, avoids responsibilities, life lacks direction, prone to paranoia, prone to shame, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness
okok...not totally true..caus i think i like responsibilty... d= but it is true that i am hyper sensitive and paranoid and stuff la...i admit... but i am trying to change and control!!! haas...
d=
Friday, May 12, 2006
.::i hate this feeling::.
~*if only...*~
oh no... not really good and not really happy...cause i dont like whatever that is happening around me...
when will all the goody goody things happen?
haa...thank you weihong and jeremy... and please weihong...i didnt mean to INFRINGED your privacy... blame it on the good site meter...mauahhaa...
hmmm...i can still laugh... haas...
i think i am so dead... maybe ya.. i should just say it out? or should i just wait on?
nevermind... C= time will tell the answer..time will tell you whether the feelings are true...but... i am already certain of my feelings... so ya... not my problem now...
hold on...i really hope it is not my problem... haa...do you know that i am... erm... hmm...ya... you know...haa... oops...
anyway... such a long weekend, what should i do? study studay and study...
i will be going out tomorrow...i swear... ya...haa.. going to library...those books needs to go home... i want to find little prince...i want to read...maybe i should go and dig out the chinese one? hmm...ya... maybe i should...
maybe it is time to go out and take a stroll on my own? i scare i will feel worse... i like to walk alone to think...but i scare i will start to think too much... i think that is happening to me now... thinking too much...
i realise i have 2 chemistry reference book...so ya...who need chem...maybe can borrow from me? haas...oops...the thing is...both are quite similar...lol..
anyway...ya... hmm...i am feeling hungry again... oops...gastric soon... predicted...maybe i should go and eat up those hello panda biscuit..but i want to bring it to PA this sunday leh...promised to give to someone because that person found me a song...ya... but see whether got enough not...have to feed myself first...muahaha... selfish...
but come to think of it...i should not have offer him biscuit...i mean... someone deserve more than him...muahhaa...but anyway... ya... see got enough or not...with those monkeys around...
oops... i am not refering to dallan or keelui or PHAY...oops...kidding here.haha...
anyway...ya.. sunday should come faster...but i am scare of sunday nights... i hate it when i start feeling depress on sunday nights... hmm...maybe i should go to bed straight away on sunday night? ya.. i think that is just what i am going to do...
i hope i am being clear enough at times...
i hope
~*i love my TAROTS!!!*~
~*but i want a even cooler set...*~
~*if only...*~
~*hmm... ya...*~
~*smile...*~
~* C= *~
oh no... not really good and not really happy...cause i dont like whatever that is happening around me...
when will all the goody goody things happen?
haa...thank you weihong and jeremy... and please weihong...i didnt mean to INFRINGED your privacy... blame it on the good site meter...mauahhaa...
hmmm...i can still laugh... haas...
i think i am so dead... maybe ya.. i should just say it out? or should i just wait on?
nevermind... C= time will tell the answer..time will tell you whether the feelings are true...but... i am already certain of my feelings... so ya... not my problem now...
hold on...i really hope it is not my problem... haa...do you know that i am... erm... hmm...ya... you know...haa... oops...
anyway... such a long weekend, what should i do? study studay and study...
i will be going out tomorrow...i swear... ya...haa.. going to library...those books needs to go home... i want to find little prince...i want to read...maybe i should go and dig out the chinese one? hmm...ya... maybe i should...
maybe it is time to go out and take a stroll on my own? i scare i will feel worse... i like to walk alone to think...but i scare i will start to think too much... i think that is happening to me now... thinking too much...
i realise i have 2 chemistry reference book...so ya...who need chem...maybe can borrow from me? haas...oops...the thing is...both are quite similar...lol..
anyway...ya... hmm...i am feeling hungry again... oops...gastric soon... predicted...maybe i should go and eat up those hello panda biscuit..but i want to bring it to PA this sunday leh...promised to give to someone because that person found me a song...ya... but see whether got enough not...have to feed myself first...muahaha... selfish...
but come to think of it...i should not have offer him biscuit...i mean... someone deserve more than him...muahhaa...but anyway... ya... see got enough or not...with those monkeys around...
oops... i am not refering to dallan or keelui or PHAY...oops...kidding here.haha...
anyway...ya.. sunday should come faster...but i am scare of sunday nights... i hate it when i start feeling depress on sunday nights... hmm...maybe i should go to bed straight away on sunday night? ya.. i think that is just what i am going to do...
i hope i am being clear enough at times...
i hope
~*i love my TAROTS!!!*~
~*but i want a even cooler set...*~
~*if only...*~
~*hmm... ya...*~
~*smile...*~
~* C= *~
.::what is the truth?::.
~*i am confused*~
~*are you?*~
i think we are just looking for confirmations in our lives...
things seems to be turning into a joke...
but i think whatever that i had said so far are truth... though they sounded like jokes...
i am just not sure whether i am getting the right inferences... but i know i dont like this unsure feeling...
maybe i should just be truthful and stop thinking too much?
if i am thinking of the wrong thing this time round, please let me know...
fluctuations... i hope that i am not your source of trouble...
i dont want to dream...cause dreams are always opposite of reality... i rather have a dreamless night...
maybe those words dont mean anything... maybe...
~*hope that you are happy*~
`if dis is a dream`i wish i will nv wake up`ocnam il
~*are you?*~
i think we are just looking for confirmations in our lives...
things seems to be turning into a joke...
but i think whatever that i had said so far are truth... though they sounded like jokes...
i am just not sure whether i am getting the right inferences... but i know i dont like this unsure feeling...
maybe i should just be truthful and stop thinking too much?
if i am thinking of the wrong thing this time round, please let me know...
fluctuations... i hope that i am not your source of trouble...
i dont want to dream...cause dreams are always opposite of reality... i rather have a dreamless night...
maybe those words dont mean anything... maybe...
~*hope that you are happy*~
`if dis is a dream`i wish i will nv wake up`ocnam il
Thursday, May 11, 2006
.::between those lines::.
~*story*~
~*a SHE in our life*~
She wonders whether she will need someone to lead her there.
Heaven becomes her ultimate destination in her life. Her life on Earth still means
something to her. She should be someone who can decide for herself, some who can
lead the kind of life that she really wants, someone who can decide when to go to
the Heaven that she is longing for.
However, the World, the society and the place that she is living in, left her wth
no choice. Tired, sad, anger, confusion and contradiction is what she is going
through. She still have to live her life on Earth. The only thing that she believe
in, someone will bring her to Heaven.
Though she never knows who the person is, what will the person do, when will the
person come, where will the person be, how will the person come. Her life went on.
Only hope is for the right person to come.
One day, she felt that maybe the time for her to get to Heaven has come.
Someone, someone who never know of her existance came to realise her presence. No
one knows it is by chance or because of fate.
She placed half of her heart on that person, knowing that she cannot give in all
she have. Not that the person do not deserve it, just that she is trying to protect
herself. She know she will be hurt. There is just someone else next to that person.
That person gave her hope. He showed her the door to Heaven but he did not open the
door for her.
To prove that she is ok, she claimed that she dont need to get to Heaven. She lied.
The disappointment sent her to hell. With the person still in her life, she still
choose not tolet go of her belief. She need alot of reasons to convince herself to
let go, but she dont need one to hold on.
She is now in hell. The door way to Heaven seems to be opening up. But she no
longer dares to infer. Not that she choose to stay in hell. Just that she cannot
convince herself that this time round, things are for real. Though she longs to get
to Heaven.
She is confused by whatever that is happening around her. Not knowing whether they
are real, jokes or just a dream. She no longer dres to hope, as she is afraid of
disappointment.
If it is a dream, she will choose not to wake up.
End of story... i think that is the typical story that most girls go through?
anyway...back to my life... everything is still in a mess...
I didnt believe him... i dont know why he changed his nickname... until today... i
knew the truth... yes...i may not like his character, but i still hope that he find
back the real him. hope that what he said in his nickname is just what he is going
to do.
so many unbelieveable things happened recently... alot...and there are just so many
things that i can only think about them myself...
i realised something... time can no longer tell me the answer.. it is whatever that
i do. i no longer have the courage to pickup the tarots at this moment... i dont
dare to think, dont dare to know, dont dare to hope, dont dare to feel, dont dare
to say... lying maybe the only way out...
~*Fluctuations*~
~*MESSY!!!*~
~*will things be ok?*~
~*what will you put in an empty tin?*~
~*i will try to stuff all my memories and feelings in*~
~*a SHE in our life*~
She wonders whether she will need someone to lead her there.
Heaven becomes her ultimate destination in her life. Her life on Earth still means
something to her. She should be someone who can decide for herself, some who can
lead the kind of life that she really wants, someone who can decide when to go to
the Heaven that she is longing for.
However, the World, the society and the place that she is living in, left her wth
no choice. Tired, sad, anger, confusion and contradiction is what she is going
through. She still have to live her life on Earth. The only thing that she believe
in, someone will bring her to Heaven.
Though she never knows who the person is, what will the person do, when will the
person come, where will the person be, how will the person come. Her life went on.
Only hope is for the right person to come.
One day, she felt that maybe the time for her to get to Heaven has come.
Someone, someone who never know of her existance came to realise her presence. No
one knows it is by chance or because of fate.
She placed half of her heart on that person, knowing that she cannot give in all
she have. Not that the person do not deserve it, just that she is trying to protect
herself. She know she will be hurt. There is just someone else next to that person.
That person gave her hope. He showed her the door to Heaven but he did not open the
door for her.
To prove that she is ok, she claimed that she dont need to get to Heaven. She lied.
The disappointment sent her to hell. With the person still in her life, she still
choose not tolet go of her belief. She need alot of reasons to convince herself to
let go, but she dont need one to hold on.
She is now in hell. The door way to Heaven seems to be opening up. But she no
longer dares to infer. Not that she choose to stay in hell. Just that she cannot
convince herself that this time round, things are for real. Though she longs to get
to Heaven.
She is confused by whatever that is happening around her. Not knowing whether they
are real, jokes or just a dream. She no longer dres to hope, as she is afraid of
disappointment.
If it is a dream, she will choose not to wake up.
End of story... i think that is the typical story that most girls go through?
anyway...back to my life... everything is still in a mess...
I didnt believe him... i dont know why he changed his nickname... until today... i
knew the truth... yes...i may not like his character, but i still hope that he find
back the real him. hope that what he said in his nickname is just what he is going
to do.
so many unbelieveable things happened recently... alot...and there are just so many
things that i can only think about them myself...
i realised something... time can no longer tell me the answer.. it is whatever that
i do. i no longer have the courage to pickup the tarots at this moment... i dont
dare to think, dont dare to know, dont dare to hope, dont dare to feel, dont dare
to say... lying maybe the only way out...
~*Fluctuations*~
~*MESSY!!!*~
~*will things be ok?*~
~*what will you put in an empty tin?*~
~*i will try to stuff all my memories and feelings in*~
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
.::hmmm...what happened...between the lines::.
~*i dunno*~
let this be the one with the not so formal writings...
i dunno wad happened yesterday night and today morning... i think i oli wake up from those silly ideas after having a drink of coke in the aftnn...
hmm...i still have many problems... but i really dunno... how to solve them...i know time will give mi the answer but i hate to wait...
rarr... i cant even make proper decision now...i nit to talk to someone...seriously...
but i know no matter wad happen, the only solution is still TIME...rarr...
ok..i rarr alot of times today le...
wad am i feeling now? happy? not exactly.. sad? not really..oh no... an idot here dont know wad she is feelin... die le la...
oh ya...talk abt dying... please...rarr... low readership...i think ppl are just tired of my rantings...but aniway... a sudden increase in blog entries means on the verge of depression...so beware... i think i am ok now... for now? i dont know..i tink i need more sleep...thats the most impt ting now...
rarr... but so sad i am still drinking coke...
today after the study programme... i suddenly feel someting real weird...oh no...my knee joint... i dont know whether iz becos the lect hall is too cold or wad... the knee joint on my left leg suddenly dun feel like mine...oh no... iz seems to be able to move on its own...
die... rarr...all the old injuries...
tml bio spa.. i tink i will make a new record.. oh no...
poor hand... if only i can write with 2 hands... muahaha...all my mama la... stop me when i am young...rarr...
d=
i am praying everyday... wichever way i can... wadever deity... i hope that she will be ok.. i think iz ok...
i really dont undstd how ppl move on so easily... just less dan 2 weeks and they got 2 new dogs...rarr... izit a substitute to them? i tout dey treasure her alot? aiyo...why are dey lidat?
haix... weird people...
things are getting worse...i keep getting that feeling...i hope i would not fall to the bottom of the valley at the end of the day...
heaven to hell...iz just so easy...but it is not my within my control already...rarr... hate this...if only...
will i cry?
hmmm... d= HELLO PANDA!!!
i feel like renaming...hmmm...nevermind...
~*smile*~
~* C= *~
let this be the one with the not so formal writings...
i dunno wad happened yesterday night and today morning... i think i oli wake up from those silly ideas after having a drink of coke in the aftnn...
hmm...i still have many problems... but i really dunno... how to solve them...i know time will give mi the answer but i hate to wait...
rarr... i cant even make proper decision now...i nit to talk to someone...seriously...
but i know no matter wad happen, the only solution is still TIME...rarr...
ok..i rarr alot of times today le...
wad am i feeling now? happy? not exactly.. sad? not really..oh no... an idot here dont know wad she is feelin... die le la...
oh ya...talk abt dying... please...rarr... low readership...i think ppl are just tired of my rantings...but aniway... a sudden increase in blog entries means on the verge of depression...so beware... i think i am ok now... for now? i dont know..i tink i need more sleep...thats the most impt ting now...
rarr... but so sad i am still drinking coke...
today after the study programme... i suddenly feel someting real weird...oh no...my knee joint... i dont know whether iz becos the lect hall is too cold or wad... the knee joint on my left leg suddenly dun feel like mine...oh no... iz seems to be able to move on its own...
die... rarr...all the old injuries...
tml bio spa.. i tink i will make a new record.. oh no...
poor hand... if only i can write with 2 hands... muahaha...all my mama la... stop me when i am young...rarr...
d=
i am praying everyday... wichever way i can... wadever deity... i hope that she will be ok.. i think iz ok...
i really dont undstd how ppl move on so easily... just less dan 2 weeks and they got 2 new dogs...rarr... izit a substitute to them? i tout dey treasure her alot? aiyo...why are dey lidat?
haix... weird people...
things are getting worse...i keep getting that feeling...i hope i would not fall to the bottom of the valley at the end of the day...
heaven to hell...iz just so easy...but it is not my within my control already...rarr... hate this...if only...
will i cry?
hmmm... d= HELLO PANDA!!!
i feel like renaming...hmmm...nevermind...
~*smile*~
~* C= *~
.::Yes nothing goes right::.
~*maybe crying will help*~
my vision is blurred... why do i feel so tired all of the sudden? maybe this is just what you went through... dont make me think about you... please.. i am all confused and lost and dont know what to do now...
i am tired of whatever that is happening...although i know that nothing is going right.. but i still have to act as though nothing happen... i know how to fake a smile...
i need those tears now...rolling and they fell...ya...maybe i should cry myself to sleep tonight...when was the last time i do that?
when was the last time that i cried in public? crying seems to be the only way out now...
i need someone to listen.. but i dont know how to say everything out... there are just somethings that are better kept as secrets...
maybe i should live in my own world... nothing seems to make me happy now.. i get frustrated at the slightest thing...maybe except... but what do i get ultimately...
when everything is gone, i realise i am still standing there alone... all by myself...
maybe my life should all be about books...i hope it can be that way...then maybe i will be happier...
i read tracy's blog... reminded me about my secondary school life and whatever that i went through.. what is going on? i think my life is in a mess too...
and this time round it is a total mess... i think you are refering to me in your entry..i dont know why.. but i just feel that way...
everyone is seeking for it...but when will we get it?
everything is turning into a joke... a joke that i am so tired of.. maybe saying that it is no longer funny helps?
maybe it is time to live in my own shell again... i rather not feel anything then having the happiest moments and the saddest moments in 24 hours...
ya...everything is in a mess but i dont seem to find the right reason to cry...
cry because i am having bad results?
cry because i am not of much help all the time?
cry because i disappointed my mother?
cry because i lied to myself when i am actually standing there alone?
something is not right... this is bad...
i hate night time... after 12..when i am all alone.. i am tired of msn... tired of all the silly little things that i deduce and know when i am talking to people...
if only i can control.. if only i have a choice.. i will choose to not be senstitive... be like her... her life is going the way it should be... she always seems happy although i know that she is stressed sometimes...
so sad... i am just a super sensitive cancer here...plus the attention seeking leo...
ya..that is me...
fairy airy...that is what i am feeling now... i think i need a drink... maybe just the 2 of us? ya... you will be ok... i know... things will be ok... i will be praying in whatever ways i can for you...
i hate being alone now... i wet the keyboard... when was the last time that this happen?
what will happen if my mother open the door now? what will she say? i dont know... i know i cant let her see me cry...
yes... i am alone... everything in a mess... nothing is going the right way...
i hope they soon will go the right way... i know they will...
whatelse can i believe in other then this?
you will still see me smile and laugh like no one's business...
you will still see me scream and shout over that gross thing...
but when you see that i am all quiet and alone and staring into space, you will know that i am thinking again...
yes...happy and sad...i experienced all in a day...
yes... smiles and tears...i experienced all in a day...
ya...i am learning the right acting skills now...
~*so what if i cried?*~
~*nothing changed*~
~*i still have to smile*~
~*i am still alone in all the mess*~
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
.::oops::.
~*wrong time*~
~*i am suppose to be sleeping*~
okok... still got some silly people out there that i must must slap this sunday... ok....not slap la... he is so so mean... how practical... i bet he dont know... lol... but nevermind... he will know it this sunday...
argh...plan failed... haa.. sms going to exceed again.. but nevermind... iz very little le... that shall be the mother's day gift for my mama...a decrease in bill...haas...
ok... laughing away here...but having headache... i also dont know why i come and blog...
de.. argh...rarr... grr...
hate it... i am so so confused and i made a conclusion... i blush super easily... so... stop making fun of me... rarr rarr... turning into rarr rarr rat le.. d=
my brain is too saturated with things... oh no... confusion after confusion... i dont even know what i am thinking le lor... thanks alot huh... rarr rarr..
oh no...my msn just die on me like AGAIN? rarr rarr
nothing goes right today...nothing will...
hold on...today actually quite a good day...except for the headache and all the silly confusions...
i swear i will slap him this sunday!!! i think koonhui will want to join in too...muahahha...
is it just a fling? oh no... i asked so many times le and i still dont know the answer...rarr... stupid right?
to tracy: hope to see you this sunday... smilex C=
~*lame*~
~*going to uncle chew later!!*~
~*NEW SPECTS!!!*~
~* C= *~
`slap him`so so practical`so evil
~*i am suppose to be sleeping*~
okok... still got some silly people out there that i must must slap this sunday... ok....not slap la... he is so so mean... how practical... i bet he dont know... lol... but nevermind... he will know it this sunday...
argh...plan failed... haa.. sms going to exceed again.. but nevermind... iz very little le... that shall be the mother's day gift for my mama...a decrease in bill...haas...
ok... laughing away here...but having headache... i also dont know why i come and blog...
de.. argh...rarr... grr...
hate it... i am so so confused and i made a conclusion... i blush super easily... so... stop making fun of me... rarr rarr... turning into rarr rarr rat le.. d=
my brain is too saturated with things... oh no... confusion after confusion... i dont even know what i am thinking le lor... thanks alot huh... rarr rarr..
oh no...my msn just die on me like AGAIN? rarr rarr
nothing goes right today...nothing will...
hold on...today actually quite a good day...except for the headache and all the silly confusions...
i swear i will slap him this sunday!!! i think koonhui will want to join in too...muahahha...
is it just a fling? oh no... i asked so many times le and i still dont know the answer...rarr... stupid right?
to tracy: hope to see you this sunday... smilex C=
~*lame*~
~*going to uncle chew later!!*~
~*NEW SPECTS!!!*~
~* C= *~
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