.::life is full of NEW tings::.

~*life is full of NEW tings*~

~*full of NEW ppl*~

went out tat day wif friends ah... lol... super fun...

i met new ppl and i tried new stuff...

the new stuff, i just did it for fun... i didnt want to control myself tat day... i just let myself go haywire and let myself go havoc... cool... nice experience...

met new ppl... lol... all 4 of us haf common interest... lol... i shall not further elaborate... haha... poor him... he cant slp all nite and he haf to look aft our bag... lol... so sad... but fun... haha... the new person... lol... dunno why kh intro him into our group lor...lol... i mean.,.. lol... kh intro sumone into the group to bully himself... since he know tat we will always be bullying him...

the new person ah.. lol... gangster ah? haha... but at least he better dan kai*****... haha... mayb the 2 haf the same character... as in like to tok big, 吹牛, but sumhow i dun realli sense tat when i tok to tat person... lol... he is not a bad person afterall... at least the impression tat he left was batter dan the impression tat kai***** left... lol...

i realise tat guys like to kip tings to demselves.... y ah? dun undstd... izzit becox of pride? or izzit to dem friends are realli nuting... haix... nvm... everyting is still deir choice.. to say or not to say...

~*NEW stuff and NEW ppl*~

~*nice experience*~

~*haha... how i wish i can haf fun again!!!*~

.::Life is full of everything::.

~*I start to think*~

~*and accept that life is full of everything*~

~*Cause everything is life*~

~*Without everything, life is not around then*~

i dunno wad realli happened recently... seems like a whole chunk... so much that i m all messed up... so messed up tat i dunno wad to handle first... i m scare... scare tat i will regret...

one by one den...

it all happened when sumone told me sumting... or shd i say i asked sumone sumting... i m sensitive... i sensed tat sumthing was amissed... so i went to ask ard... just like wad i tout... haix... another accusation... but it resolve in the end... sort of resolved... wad else can i say besides accepting it? i know dy still rock...

hb...

thanks for everything... thanks for clarifying.. i know rumors are hard to avoid... i undstd... thank you for being dere ah... hehe... i m fine... thank you for the trust u haf for mi...

haix quite sad lahs... u see lah... how mani ppl in the gang can be trusted? i tink oli ppl like dal and hb oli bah...

for dose hu want to know more, cum and ask mi personalli... see i willing to tell u or not lah...

next is kh... haix... wad can i say? i can oli say i haf no time for him...

it is sad to know tat ur friend dunno wad u are doing for him... the same case.. for so mani years and i didnt even get the basic trust... to him i m still friend hu enjoy humilliating him... haix... so be it...

i know u will sumhow read dis entry... we hang up the fone and dr u 3 similar bomb cox we are pissed... 'thank you, both sincerely and sacarsticly'... wad is tat suppose to mean? wad do u tink we tink? so we choose to take the bad extreme end...we spend hours on fone... hoping tat he will undstd... but he dun... nvm... we hope tat sumday he will... but wad we gt in the end? tat thankyou tingy... so how m i suppose to react?

i may be a bad friend to u... i m treating u badly... but tink abt it....wad m i actualli intenting to do thru dose stupid act... dun tell mi i enjoy taking the risk of being humiliate by u in return? i know sumday u will do sumting in return and u did... dun tell mi i humiliate u hoping for myself being humiliate in the public too?

i may not always be dere for u when u are down... but think of wad we4 went thru,.. i know as foursoome it izzen much... but simply the 3 of u? dose late nights are not wasted.. i hope... but i m wrong... u nv undstd wad we are trying to do...

we can simply be doing the same as wad others do to u... ignore u... tat was wad we did... and wad did u interpret out of it? we simply hope tat u will know how impt it is to make more friends and not rely on us... but? haix experimental failure bahx...

let our friendship end here...

tat was never true until wad u decide tat it will be true...

i dunno wad is in his mind... ppl nowadays are getting more and more complicated... life is never normal again... wad can i do? hardly anione out dere i can trust... except dose 2 tat i mentioned...

i m just another failure here sia... i failed to earn trust from ppl... so wad else can i say except blame myself?

~*Life is suppose to be normal*~

~*u may think it is normal now*~

~*but wad is the definition of ur normal?*~

.::life moves on::.

~*i m ok*~

~*AGAIN*~

stupid lah... i suck... aniway... i know hu to ***** and not to ***** hu...

too agitated.,.. bt... i tink iz sumting good...

~*朋友*~

这些年

一个人

风也过

雨也走

有过泪

有过错

还记得坚持甚麽

真爱过

才会懂

会寂寞

会回首

终有梦

终有你

在心中

朋友

一生一起走

那些日子不再有

一句话

一辈子

一生情

一杯酒

朋友不曾孤单过

一声朋友

你会懂

还有伤

还有痛

还要走

还有我

.::i failed again::.

~*i failed again*~

~*hu is out to get mi?*~

i failed again... and i failed terribly dis time round... i lost everyting... everyting to afew msg tat i dun even know origin...

2whole years, i spend 2 whole years on dem... i never ask for anitng... i just want dem to grow up and stya out of trouble... i tout dey know wad i m doing...wad i m doing for... know tat i m sincere... but wad i gt in the end?

i didnt even get the basic trust.,.. i m so bad in their eyes...

HIM... i expected HIM to know mi well... never did i expect HIM to feel the same way...

ok... fine...i give up... i dunno how to continue le... how to face dem? how to act like i m ok? when i m not?

~*mayb i should not do aniting for the past2 years*~

~*if i didnt, i will be so much more happi now...*~

.::wonderful nite::.

~*had a wonderful night again*~

~*thank you and i realli mean it*~

i shall not elaborate much on wad i did cox i dun wan to get myself into trouble...lol... but all i know is i had a great time...

i always wanted to know how it feel like to be drunk but sad case, i never get drunk... haiz... aniway i know i will be drunk one day...

poor koonhui bullied again... but he did sumting daring tat we actualli went to celebrate... he splash water on mi and er in the mrt... omg... lol... congrats ah... grow up le... haha... is the cheese nice koonhui? lol...

haha... sori ahs... lol... i was sober... totalli sober... i could control just tat i choose not to... haha... poor kh... tat was also wad liying was doing... she can control... but she choose not to... haha...

.::quiz time::.

~*i wonder if dis is true*~

~*but it seems quite true*~

i took a test at quizilla... abt wad i feel towards love or sumtine... below are the result...

FROZEN QUEEN/ KINGYou dont want love to come through to you. You like
it the way you are. To be unreachable, no need
to show feelings. Hiding everything inside you.
You are already used to it. You say yourself
that you dont need anyone, that you stand on
your own two feet or that you dont have time
for these things. But in reality you are scared
to get hurt. You feel save where you are: by
yourself, nobody can hurt you there. You
invent your own relationship in your dreams.
You just need to know that you COULD get a
partner.Thats it.PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always
message me or tell me how I can improve that
quiz. Ill sure write back.

~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by

.::bad days::.

~*bad feeling dese few days*~

blah... bad feeling dis few days... feel realli bad... bloated feeling, gastric and leg pain... hope it gets better... doing my best to hope it get better... like applying sumting warm on it... blah... but still i tink becos of the weather, iz still as bad...

sunday gt dance!!! but i go dere do wad? ix like... erm... nuting much i can do... but now tings are better le... i tink gif mi a few days n i will be ok le... aniway my mc ends at today... haf to do pe le... but nvm... i will make sure i pass my 2.4 wif flying colours... ahahaha...

~*we tok alot recently*~

~*i caused him to tink*~

~*but tings r different*~

~*the feeling is different*~

~*cox i know the feeling will never be right*~

.::会有那么一天::.

会有那么一天

一九四三世

界大战阿嬷年轻的时候

爷爷爱他那么多

他们感情很深

但是爷爷身负重任

就在离乡的那夜

给了阿嬷一个吻

轻声说到

我要离去别再哭泣

不要伤心请你相信我

要等待我的爱陪你永不离开

因为会有那么一天

我们牵著手在草原听

鸟儿歌唱的声音

听我说声我爱你

夕阳西下鸟儿回家

阿嬷躺在病床上

呼吸有一点散漫

眼神却很温柔

看著爷爷湿透的眼

握著他粗糙的手

阿嬷泪水开始流

轻声说道

我要离去别再哭泣
不要伤心请你相信我
要等待我的爱陪你永不离开
因为会有那么一天
我们牵著手在草原听
鸟儿歌唱的声音
听我说声我爱你

life still move on ahrs?

.::lol..nuting to write::.

~*nuting to write!!*~

erm...lol... the previous entry is all in perfect english... at least i tried to put all in perfect english... lol.. for koonhui ah... honoured ah? lol

all i know now is my leg pain... can bend and walk but pain... haix...

recently into writing testimonial ah... lol... cos i m sian abt blog le... =p... lol... i will still be back to blog... but i tink entries getting shorter and shorter each time... haha...

ppl... tag pls... veri quiet... aniway... check out the blogs ah... anibody wan link, pls tag to tell mi... ahaha... i will be more dan willing to link you... erm... sound abit bitch?lol... i dun care... ahahahhaha...

if u buai song, click on the [x] up dere... haha... kidding... lol... wad is life without jokes ah?

think myself quite extreme... haha... happy so happy... sad and depress that time so scary... look at my previous entries... haha... so extreme sia... but i m happi that i m happy now... lol... CRAP... ahaha

sori for being so extreme hor... lol... and thank you and apologies for ppl hu cum tok to mi... i sort of think i wasted your time... =p...

~*tag plx!!!*~

~*thank you*~

.::dedicated to... ::.

~*friends are great thing created by god*~

~*thank you for being there*~

Maybe to some, he is just someone who is so insignificant in your life. To me, he is never insignificant. He is always there for me whenever I am feeling down. I m guilty for not treating him nicely, but the what makes me admire him is the fact that he don't mind what I have done to him. He is still there for me all the time.

Maybe o some, he is just an idiotic guy with some weird weird ideas harbor up in his head. To me, he is a good listener. It never bother me whether he is able to give sensible advice or not, but the fact that he is willing to listen is more than enough. What makes me admire him is the fact that most of the time, he gives sensible advice, yet I am unwilling to accept.

Maybe to some, he is just a pathetic guy with little friends. He is the one who showed me that friends are something that do not matters in quantity, but quality. He,himself is already one great friend. Yet he brought 2 more great friends into my world.

This entry is dedicated to KoonHui. Thank you for everything. It is only recently that I realize how fun life can be with your gang.

Thank you for the 3 who hang out with me on the 6th May 2005. We had fun. Your let me had fun. Your let me realize that it has been quite some time since I last had fun. I don't need to act in front of your. Time spent together is just filled with plain fun and laughter. Thank you.

.::coffee bean::.

~*for dose hu know*~

wad i did tat day wasfor fun, for the fact tat i tout he was a bad guy, and abit the for the sake of kh. aniway... tings settled... i dun wan to disturb his studies...

ok... i apologised, cox after toking tings out,i sumhow tink tat continuing oso no point... gt another prob on hand... want it to be an happi ending for the rest... i tink oli veri few ppl know wad i m toking abt... hee =\

aniway, apologies again... another reason why i choose to do tat to u is becox i know u wun turn to tchers... but cum to tink of it, abit the bad for mi to bully him aft toking sumtings out.. cox he is a good friend to her... and he having exams le... abit the bitch to 'bully' him now

.::orite for now::.

~*leg first*~

c chi doc... lidddat lor... haix go back next friday... again... take bitter medicine... so far like tat lah...

~*thank you for the fun*~

~*sorii for going too far*~

lol... mit up wif koonhui, liying and er aft seeing doc... abit sian sian in my heart becox he not free to go wif mi... but nvm... see doc le went to mit the 3some... so long didnt hang out wif dem le...

den crap until 10 plus... when i haf to leave, suddenly realise gt alot of topic to say...den dunno how... sumhow haf to go home and jiao dai... den er went home to call sumone... den i went off... den mi suggest go my hse dere tok... at least i can be dere... sorri den i cos the whole gang to shift...

half way thru the park, ly say wan to go my house toilet... so she went my hse... kh suggested going to my hse tok.. den he waited for er... when dey reach my hse, the atmosphere became guai guai one... so i say go downstairs...

downstaris tok... den kh kick his slippers at er... lol... den we started our gaming.... sorries... bad mi... lol... =x

take kh slippers bottle and bag...but goodus decide to gif him back his bag... so end up we haf his bottle and slippers... bottle water used to splash him... den slippers... i suggested bringing acrooss the street to the park opp... den kh haf one slipper back.. the oher floating in the pond... den er make kh choose btw slipper and bottle... denkh fed up walk off... barefooted... lol... we 3 dunno wad to do... debating whether he will cum back...in the end he didnt...

finalli decide to call him back so tat we can cont to play... =/ evil mi... lol... den when he is on his way back, we hide his slippers and bottle ard cars in the carpark... den kh came back and he started searching... hehe... when he found everyting, he cont walk hm.. dun want to tok to us... sobx sonx... but we say he um chio, he realli un chio... haha...

den we decide follow him... den came to the playground near 208... den decide to forsake him and play swing instead... lol... so started playing wif swing... now muscle abit guai guai...lol... den late le, er sent ly home and i walked home...

i realised iz been long since i last played... iz like other times when i hang out wif others, i suumtime haf to put on an act and be fake.. today dunit... ix super fun...

we sound bad bullying kh, but i just hope he willl learn to defend himself...lol... still gt more training to cum along...

~*there is lesser and lesser sms*~

~*lesser and lesser from him*~

i know iz oli a crush... cox i cant like him...

~*bye bye sbss*~

sbss is gone... but sb is still ss... lol... decide to disband it cox we sian liao and i tink sb dun like it... so haix dun play le... lol... sorries

.::finalli he replied sumting::.

~* why am i waiting for his sms? *~

actualli, i know i shd not be waiting for his sms cox dere are alot of reasons to it... but sumhow i m waiting... aniway, he replied today... the msg was long... but tokin abt the same old stuff... haix... at least better dan nuting... just asking more from him dan i ask from friend... iz not good.. i know iz not... but... life is full of buts

piaing homework... suddenlty becum veri guai... haix dis weekend cant go ipoh!!! haix nvm... sms.... hehe...

dese few days, free jiu help auntie bring my god bro... i know auntie veri busy...

auntie daughter just gave birth.. the new born is less dan a month old... ut guess wad he can do? iz super damn amazing... lol

1111111111

a new born... yet he can sort of listen to wad ppl say... iz like when pplcriticise him or said sumting not veri pleasing, he will start crying... when he is crying, my auntie will 'ask' him wad happened and he will stop... and when he here new noise, eg, mi coughing, he will look ard... mayb ur tink just coincident..,. but ix like not just once... lol... **cute**

2222222222

a new born, shd not hafe the ability to control muscles... but when he was brought back, and when my auntie tried to bathe him, he just push himself up to standing position... of course still wif my auntie holding on to him,... he will contract his muscles so tightly tat u find it hard to make him sit back.,.. but his temper not veri good ah... but nvm... **cute**

3333333333

new born cant see tings yet... dey can see faint light source... dis little cutie here act as though he can see many tings... he will keep looking ard wif his big eyes... his eyeball hor, the black parts are more dan the white part... damn,,, i dunno wads the scientific name for dose two parts le... forget le... nvm... he still veri cute... **cute**

izzen him cutE? i wan his foto up here sumday... haha...

tml buying bio text... super expensive... ok... actualli tatx the normal price for a txt in jc... campbell...53 buckx

the doc say my x ray report dis time round okies... normal... gave mi medicine for stopping pain... the mefenamic acid wich stop pain will cause gastric... so i m given antacid tablets too... den she gave mi cream for applications... and vitamin B complex tablets for supplement ofmy nerves.. cox a small part next t my injury is still numb... numb as in could not feel aniting... scare.... veri scare... now i dun even know wads wrong...

she excused mi from pe for 1 more week... haix... how? i want 30 for napfa... lol... i dun care...

go slp le... lol... oways blogging at nites... next morning see mi slping in lect... but gt improvement le... i didnt slp during lect today!!! tml oso wun slp... lol... but suck sia.,.. tml gt PW!!! !@#$%^&* my PW teacher suck lahx.x... damn kao pei... wadever... still have to face her... let her goahead.. since the whole class is against her... muahahahahahahahaha...

ppl... remember... I M EVIL... lol.... muahahahahahha...

[ -_-''' ] tatx mi... and... [ -_-* ] mian bao for going havoc wif mi... thankx... lol

.::nuting is wrong, but that does not mean everyting is rite::.

~*let mi go into depression*~

~*at least i let tings out*~

~*i m ok after that*~

~* [[ = *~

i m depressed the past few days... but i m ok now.. hehe... sori ahx... but hor... life is quite sian wifout dance ah... hehe... bear wif it... ppl out dere... u will haf enuff to make u tired out aft dis long break... cultural pot cuming ah... haha...

for dose hu dunno hor... rehearsal is on the 18/16 may... i not sure wich day lah... bt both days are so near... haha... **good luck** huh...

~*rock on NHDS*~

~* [[ = *~

.::brotherhood... take it away if u realli want::.

~*i lost my right to choose*~

~*since the time i choose to be wif dem*~

i m tired abt everyting...sumhow i m... i just came to realise tat i no longer haf a choice in whether to continue helping the sec3boys or not... cox i noe, no matter wad choice i made, the outcome will still be the same...

i didnt do much for dem, except for playing along wif dem... i m 'complained' by all lot of ppl for being biased... wich i wun deny... i M biased... but no matter how much complain i heard, i never care... cox i believe in wad i m doing...

but sumtime i start to tink whether everyting is worthot or not... den i can oli accept the sad reality...

the reality is... to continue helping dem... keep hoping and hoping... becox i dun haf a choice...

i wun haf the heart to let go... that is one ting for sure...

and wadever tat i do, i must tink of a whole lot of consequences... in front of different ppl say different type of story...

and wadever trouble or other stupid ting tat dey do, the next ting tat i can do, is to help dem settle it... i dun haf a choice...

iz tiring to say diff story, but i still haf to continue.. its tiring to pick up the mess... but i dun haf choice...

i nv put in so much... i m just like a mother... tat is wad i feel... sumtime... watching dem grow... hoping the best for dem...

i m selfish... selfish to haf the tout... i know sum mayb joking, but sumhow i just feel tat sumone or sum ppl in the grp realli mean wad dey say... kick mi out of the group...

if dey realli do that, i can onli smilllingly return the brotherhood shark teeth to dem... do i haf a choice? i dun haf... cox i know even if dey choose to take the shark teeth away, i will still do wad dey say... i can oli accept it... i will oli b sad, but i will not gif up on dem or do aniting bad to dem... cox i know i wun haf the heart...

~*i can oli say*~

~*i just hope the best for dem*~

.::why?::.

~*i dunno wad lah*~

~*i m tinking too much =x*~

~*bitchy mi =x*~

went out wif him [[1]] tat day...hah... fun lah... iz like normal friend... haha... happi le lor... at least i know i m happier like tat... haha... more relaxed... he is a grea friend...

ok... recently i tink i m getting too involved... i noe tat i cannot go on liddat... i m controlling le huh... i tink he [[2]] oso making tings clear... but sumhow iz like a bit the guai... sumting he do and the waty he trying to make tings clear contradict...

i noe wad i m doing... haha... go pia homework le...

~*why do i always go for the impossible?*~

~*if i sink in again..*~

~*iz another impossible case*~

~*haha... zai zai is gone*~

.::wwad can i do?::.

~*i can oli complain*~

to tink of it... wad can i do abt the whole matter except letting everyting end here... wif the different tinking of others?

i cant clarify... even if i clarify, u noe... iz still one sided... on my part, defencing myself...

i just hope tat dose hu dunno a single tiny little bit of ting abt wad realli happened to shut the f**k up... not tat i heard aniting recenly... but sumhow... dis ting just hang dere... feeling uneasi...

mouth on other ppl face... dey want to spread, no one will noe... i noe ur trusted mi... but the others dun... wad can i say?

sorri for keep complaining... although i know complain wun help.,.. but i still do... haix... at least let mi vent my anger k?

~*ya... rainbow oways cum aft a rain*~

~*if ot why izzit called a RAINbow?*~

.::i tout i waas orite::.

~*i tout i was orite*~

~*until i realise tat first impression counts*~

i tout everyting was over... until i realise tat SO mani ppl in nhss whom i dun realli know, dun like mi...

they are so close to XXX... the oli reason tat i can tout of is still tat ting... sorii... i know u trust mi, bt others dun...

to tell the truth, i tink up to dis point, ur actualli still believe tat i was the one hu... u cant possibly go and tell a person hu is on the verge of commiting suicide and sum1 hu is damn sad tat: U R THE ONE!!!iz normal to say sumting nice to let tat person feel better... if u insist tat the person is at fault, ppl will cum aft u, saying u 没有人情味... get my point?

mayb ur r just saying sumting against wad u r tinking... haix...

i dunno how to defend myself le... i can oli accept dis? but i cant... so wad can i do? no one can help mi...

i shd not be too involved rite from the start... i should not even be their friend... if i was not, den i wun get to know tat matter and nuting will happen... m i rite?

iz just another caase of my stupidity... so hu else can i blame? except myself...

so now... accept dis bahc....

sad case rite? haix.. i m the worst friend of all.. i never know wad to say and wad not to say... so dun tell mi aniting at all from now on wards... u noe.. hu knows when i will expose everiting rite? sad case huh...

i once tout that everyting is over...until now... i heard tings tat make mi feel tat way...ok sumone out dere is sure tinking tat...

dis stuppid girl, saying stupid tings again... she must be so damn seeking for attention... wah lao... hum... oli dare to say online... aiya... se throwing stupid tantrums again... dun care lah

expected... tats wad i can say...

~*i haf no choice in dis situation*~

~*the onli choice tat i can make has passed mi*~

~*i choose the wrong path*~

~*i choose to pick up the fone to listen to wad dey haf to say*~