.::Stand Alone::.

I am back to whatever the way things are one month ago... I no longer wanna decide or choose.

After all the talking last night, while i was lying in bed, i thought that it will be nice if one of them or me get knock down and die so that i dont have to decide.

And it wasnt good to fall asleep with a blocked nose and wake up with swollen eyes.

There are many things that i wanted to say, wanted to share but then i realise that everything that ever came out from my mouth are only right at that particular moment and the next minute, everything will be different le. So i dont want to comment anymore.

And i dont need anymore comments. Maybe its both not love afterall and just plain 坏习惯 that i should change.

& someone important, someone not
% someone comfortable with, someone not
& someone matured, someone not
% someone who saw the kiddish side of me, someone who didnt
& someone in the same world, someone not
% someone i felt like hugging last night, but not the other someone
& someone who made me cry because of a few songs
% someone who made me felt so appreciated that i just feel like crying
&/% one i felt nice holding hands with but just that is being overly protective, one holds my hand only at the right time but just that it dont felt that right or comfortable like the way i held jd or the other one
&/% hoping to faster go home after every 'date' with either one, only once that i dont feel like going home
&/% thought and thinking of both but missing no one
&/% enjoy the life now, but wanting to go back to the old me, so things would not be so complicated now

Maybe these kind of things cannot be compared. How to be with someone you feel comfortable with and yet cannot stand his character or some of his behaviour and how to be with someone whom you know life will be weird and different without him caring for you and yet it dint felt right as a couple?

I always believe that there are things in life that can never be explained... things like Love, you can never explain why you can fall for someone and love him with all your might despite him being a very bad guy.

Sometimes you can never explain why you can love and need someone so much but just something that was missing or wrong.

someone who made up a big part of my life 2 years ago told me, maybe its time to not think so much and just settle down and work hard for my career.

On what grounds can i make the one important stay in my life and how to get the one that i felt comfortable with to become someone that i enjoyed being with?

So now its back to the same thing with something extra, to choose or not to choose, to stay or to leave their lives.

Dont choose, so to stay or to leave.