.::What happen when...::.

*EDITED*
What happen when things that you thought of are deemed as always wrong?
can you dont always think that way?

What happen when there isnt much or anything else to talk about?
admit it, you are just worried that you will say the wrong thing thats why you stop talking

What happen when things that upset you are just every little things in life or every little conversation made?
to laugh or smile it off is the best way out, because nothing commented matters anymore

What happen when you realise you are never there, never enough and yet you can never want the things that badly enough to show people that you are trying hard enough. so what is enough?
mama said the expectation is always there and i am expected to be there

What happen when you realise you are no longer the one who made the one laugh or be happy?
how to let people understand that i can never be the happy one alone

What happen when you know that you are realising more and more things that you have to change when the old you was someone who was so resistant to changing anything in your life?
i know all these will bring me further and longer on, but maybe it is all too much or maybe i just skip too much parts in my life that i only have myself to blame

What happen when you realise there is no longer anywhere else that you can vent or tell people what you are going through except to write them all down and maybe one day people will understand?
or maybe mama can do the job, but how to let her know all these when i know that nothing she say can help anymore.

What happen when you realise that you can no longer ask for more when you were told that you already have alot and should be contented?
what about asking for more. somethings are just so deep inside that i dont even know what i really want so how do i even ask for it. or maybe something to begin with, i need someone to just ask me about a scratch that i had.

What happen when you realise that you can no longer be that weak one who cry all the time?
staring into space and going through all the bad things help because as times goes by, nothing feel that bad anymore like now

What happen when you realise you are always deem as being negative?
i am negative to begin with. believe in horoscope and you will know that the negative cancer is super negative or maybe people will just think that it is me

What happen when you realise no one is talking to you online le?
you didnt talk to anyone to begin with

What happen when you realise that all these unhappiness will only bring more anger and yet you still choose to say them here?
hoping that one day what i get will not be frustration or anger in return

What happen when you know that all the while what others want is understanding and that is also what you want?
i know i dont know what i need someone to understand but i do know that the amount of things that others goes through is deem to be more worse off then what i went through[which i agree (in fact, people think that there is nothing in my life that is bad at the moment and therefore nothing needs to be taken into consideration for being understanding.) ] mine is really nothing but does being understanding means putting up with all frustration and irritation? or really it is only me to be blame?

What happen when a new day begins tomorrow?
nothing much will change or maybe i should hope for the days before the terms begin, and i will still be the one who will smile at things.

Nothing much matters anymore because when you realise people around you are jumping at you, you can only convince your own self that you have only yourself to blame. Things that you say are always wrong, things that you commented will send irritated looks flying your way from even OTHER people, you have only yourself to blame.

You are not there yet. Not up to expectation yet.

But one thing is for sure. I am like that because of LOVE

.::Being happy::.

I am back to the me a few weeks ago, happy me.

So many things happened, should we be thankful for the 3 weeks or should we regret having that 3 weeks in our life? We cannot come to a conclusion because we all know that the 3 weeks meant something and without the 3 weeks, things will be different.

Living life to the fullest in the days to come and trying to think of what will happen in the near future.

This is the feeling of missing someone.

I am feeling that now.

.::Stand Alone::.

I am back to whatever the way things are one month ago... I no longer wanna decide or choose.

After all the talking last night, while i was lying in bed, i thought that it will be nice if one of them or me get knock down and die so that i dont have to decide.

And it wasnt good to fall asleep with a blocked nose and wake up with swollen eyes.

There are many things that i wanted to say, wanted to share but then i realise that everything that ever came out from my mouth are only right at that particular moment and the next minute, everything will be different le. So i dont want to comment anymore.

And i dont need anymore comments. Maybe its both not love afterall and just plain 坏习惯 that i should change.

& someone important, someone not
% someone comfortable with, someone not
& someone matured, someone not
% someone who saw the kiddish side of me, someone who didnt
& someone in the same world, someone not
% someone i felt like hugging last night, but not the other someone
& someone who made me cry because of a few songs
% someone who made me felt so appreciated that i just feel like crying
&/% one i felt nice holding hands with but just that is being overly protective, one holds my hand only at the right time but just that it dont felt that right or comfortable like the way i held jd or the other one
&/% hoping to faster go home after every 'date' with either one, only once that i dont feel like going home
&/% thought and thinking of both but missing no one
&/% enjoy the life now, but wanting to go back to the old me, so things would not be so complicated now

Maybe these kind of things cannot be compared. How to be with someone you feel comfortable with and yet cannot stand his character or some of his behaviour and how to be with someone whom you know life will be weird and different without him caring for you and yet it dint felt right as a couple?

I always believe that there are things in life that can never be explained... things like Love, you can never explain why you can fall for someone and love him with all your might despite him being a very bad guy.

Sometimes you can never explain why you can love and need someone so much but just something that was missing or wrong.

someone who made up a big part of my life 2 years ago told me, maybe its time to not think so much and just settle down and work hard for my career.

On what grounds can i make the one important stay in my life and how to get the one that i felt comfortable with to become someone that i enjoyed being with?

So now its back to the same thing with something extra, to choose or not to choose, to stay or to leave their lives.

Dont choose, so to stay or to leave.

.::End of 2008::.

So, like i always want to do, i want to type all the happenings in the year of 2008 out... Lets see if i can really complete it.

Moving away from 2007 and into 2008 was a good thing for me, because, if i am correct, 2007 wasnt a really good year for the dragons... oh whatever.. Had a bad experience in 2007 year end and was getting tired of life and the way things are in my life...

The year kicked off rather well, with new year, chingay and everything as per normal. Joined the PA group for their Chingay item and to me, that meant something... although i do hope to join back our own group but it still nice to get the chance to dance with the PA people and get to know people like Munirah...

Then i finally got a new HP for my sister and me!!! it meant alot too, to be able to get something not just for me, but also for my sister... C=

Then on one faithful night, Mr Low called me and drop me a bomb. that is to go china for an exchange programme... totally dint know how to say no and i m glad that i dint reject that...

Went around shopping for formal wear as the dress code was freaking crazy... and to me, it was a chance to go away from singapore, away from my life and to let me find out what i really want...

the forget-how-many-days there were crazy and i met new friends, friends that i missed so much after returning from the trip...

we went to alot of places during the trip and we did crazy things like singing K till wee hours the lasst few nights and i will never forget the BBQ food and the smelly tofu that made me suffer for days... haas

And from the trip, i get to meet someone who changed my life, someone who really took me to where i am now and someone who let me meet another important person in my life.

the trip to china made me realise that i dont need to live my life the way i used to live. i can make changes to make it more fruitful...

I made 3 major changes to my life then, half a year ago...
-I quit my job

-i left him

-i stop going to dance

thanks to him, i got the big big winnie the pooh that i always wanted... the next few times are just time and effort spent on getting Eb ready for ISO audit... Working till 1 plus in the morning and making things turn out well give a sense of satisfactory but at the same time, brought more argument into my life...

when i made up my mind to change job, i got someone who is unwilling to accept, someone who is merely accepting and not understanding because he can do nothing to change my mind... but it all ended the way i want it to...

upon ISO certification, we had a company dinner and that was the first company dinner ever... :) for me... and then i remember whatever that Mr Low said when we were inside the theatre, how he want to go into events since most of us are interested and how i know that it is too late, because i have committed to EB...

i did an evil thing to JD, i initiated the breakup on our anniversary.. maybe he did put in an effort to try to make me stay but him not being able to understand is bad enough... i think i put in all i can for this relationship le... if it is going to end, there is also nothing i can do and i just felt so taken for granted then that i decide it is time to let go...

i spent the night of the breakup with joyce and lawrence in east coast and had gelare at E!Hub while we are waiting for the workers to be done with work...

Then come my birthday, i remember how i was brought to have steamboat in town and how i went home to see a birthday cake. Oh man, at that time, birthday cakes are my love!

I quitted officially on 05 Aug 2008 with many many problems and unhappiness that were not voiced out. For the next 3 weeks, i continue to receive phone calls on questions but i am just so not willing to help... i wonder how i manage in the first place with no one to turn to, and yet she is jsut asking me every single bloody question...

then after working in EB, i met new people like MAK KWONG SOON, Kangwei, Qiugui, Victor, Peter, Ya Oo, etc.

nice people and more friends although some of them are more related at work...

Then came NDP, the last thing taht i ever want to be involved in and i met someone who helped me thru time when i was trying to find someone to talk to. RK Lee. someone whom i last met during NDP, someone whom i still manage to keep in contact with...

After NDP and after times spent in the office, before i got used to everything, Lawrence kim flew off to USA for an inspection job... this was one of the toughest time, where by i suppose i have went thru alot without him and with Mr Kim... how we survived with just mr kim driving, how we survived with Kangwei, and Zhiyan's help in driving... I am gladful for the 2 months that he was away though, it gave me a chance to be independent and truely knows and understand how the company works and i believe that things did changed abit in those 2 months...

But during those 2 months, alot of things happened too... i went for my SSSC course and completed it without even studying for it and during that period of critical time, trying to juggle between work and SSSC, my grandma passed away, someone who never was important to me but her depart made me realise that she actually meant alot... so much taht it made me miss her for months... then came the time after that, was the Industrial first aid course and something i took pride in happened...

I was the only girl in the whole class and i managed to pass the course with full marks in theory!!! some big achievement... haha... totally praised and had a sense of achievement!!! C=

the next big thing will be Lawrence coming back and me passing my driving test with 18 demerit points... and something stupid happened... after applying for my license, i left my IC in UBI!!! freak and i was only aware of it when i reached clementi or something...

crap... and i went back 2 days later and on one faithful day that i drove a new van, i scratched the bumper and pui... argh. it was a new van!!! crap...

then as the days go along, many many things happened that i dont feel like penning them down... not now... the countless times that i end up saying sorry, the happy times, the everything, not able to find a balance then...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! C=

not everything is here but i just dont feel like typing anymore...

.::Up coming long post::.

this year, i decide to post all the happenings for 2008 in my blog and end my year well

it was a well spent and exciting year for me! Will start to type after christmas, after i manage to finish all the prezzie... omg... this is crazy.

and i am broke, no money for dear dear prez. argh. kill me please

OH NO

.::Something in life::.

that was a random title because this is just a random entry that i really dont know what to really put into.

things are going the wrong way now, because of me, i was the stupid one.

there are somethings that i just dont want to explain now, somethings that have not much explanation at all.

.::The start of the Story::.

hi all, i feel its time to share my story of how i got together with him.
Sometimes, there are just somethings that cant really be put into words. We experienced the kind of comfort, ease and peace with each other, how everything felt so right when we are with each other.

There are soemtings that can never be explained and this is one kind of situation.

How things come to where we are now cannot be explained. I think people agreed that someone else really did alot but somehow the connection was not there or should i say, the connection/feeling came at the wrong time.

I remember how i used to look at him with other girls after i broke up half a year ago. How i thought that this is someone nice and treat me good and how we know what each other want and think. Then it came to this point in time whereby i convinced myself that i am not that kind of girl that will attract him and then i grew out of it.

I remember how i used to tell my ex that there can only be one relationship between me and someone else at one point of time. and slowly i grew out of it.

Maybe i am just being insensitive or whatever shit you call that. i can only say, i dint expect all these.

No one will understand whatever that happened that day when we went out the whole day on one particular sunday. How we realise that there are so many things that we agree on, so many things that we felt the same, so many things that felt so right, and how comfy it felt for someone who are going out for the first time.

Maybe he cant do that much, maybe he cant bring me around and fulfil all my wishes or dreams, maybe there are just things that someone else can do but he cant, but then that is not important anymore. at this point of time, the connection felt very different.

Never expect myself to be in this kind of situation, just like in a Taiwan drama show. I know it is confusing. all the 'he' and 'someone else' but whatever la, it is not important. i am just wondering when all the waiting will end and someone nice will come along for him.

Blogging from chalet with my dear dear's lappy!!! C=

.::Days ahead::.

Alot of things happened recently came as a surprise, a shock to me. Not really the way that i have expected it to turn out to be.

I have made a decision, come to a conclusion. This is what i want, I am happy now.

But to those that are affected by our selfish decision, sorry. The harm wasnt inflicted intentionally.

Chalet over the weekend! Looking forward to it!

.::Hide Me Away::.

I am tired and exhausted all of a sudden. Maybe because i suddenly realise that there arent much goal for me in life at the moment. or maybe i am just tired of the lifestyle now. hope i feel better after the holiday.

Yesterday night, wanted to Mahjong but reckon that i better dont go in case i get barred from there forever. and people are out enjoying dinner with their families but me, alone at home, eating corn flake and watching tv, ALONE. then daddy came home. asked if he wanted a drink but i realise he is as usual, drunk, and started to haolian about his red wine at the door while taking off his boots and smoking. so argh, i gave up the idea of drinking with him.

then after contacting the usual guy, i realise another really really drunk guy. CHO KAI SIANG. he is drunk like dont know what la. Apparently, he is in camp, drinking. hmm. and he had a shot of whisky, and 4 cans of beer before the first call that we made. then by the time i called him for the second time, he sounded more drunk and i realise he had about 5 cans le. -.- then during the last call, he hang up without finishing whatever he is trying to say and can tell that he totally cannot make it le.

then met up with Lau. savior lor. really. haha. went out for supper or rather, my dinner. had wu xiang. but i am just so bored with life la. after eating, went to 7 eleven. I WANT TO DRINK! so i got a bourbon coke. so sweet. -.- ok, maybe that will be the last time i drink that. but its still ok, other than being too sweet. Lau end up not drinking anything. -.-

then walk to the park, talk and talk and then jiu go home le. sian. go home, attempt to do cross stitch. i feel so lousy, only 275ml of 8% and i feel abit tipsy but i manage to get home and get a good night sleep.

this morning, i woke up and i stepped into a puddle of urine in my room!

Poor Carrot, apparently, my sister let her into my room and because today is a Saturday, no one wakes up early so no one open the door for carrot to go out at around 5 or 6 early in the morning so she couldnt go out to her loo. My parents heard scratching and knocking early in the morning but they dint open the door for her, cause they dint expect that she is inside. and according to my mama, when she woke up to charge her hp, carrot stop all the knocking and scratching, maybe she thought my mama will open the door for her. but no one did! and so she urinated in my room at a corner that would not dirty anything. poor girl.

so no one bear to scold her. and for this afternoon, i dont know what i should do

people ask me go out, ask me go dinner, ask me go zoo, ask me go mahjong, ask me go chit chat. but i dont know which one to choose so i rejected all. i feel so bad. but i am feeling tired. i think i need a sleep and i am feeling weird now.

things that happened during the funeral kept coming back to my mind. something that i know i should stop thinking. was talking to my mama that day. i asked her if she got think of her. it has been a month. how is everyone coping, i dont know. life still goes on. we like it or not, it still does. she is no longer there and there is nothing we can do about it.

i remember how she look at the hospital during her last week and her last moment, how she can still joke with us and how she want to play mahjong, but fear kept her away, how she struggle at the last fewhours, how she cry, how red her eyes were when we asked if she was waiting for her sister. how everyone crowd around her, taking turns to see her, talk to her, how my uncles and aunties kept trying to tell her to go on and move on after seeing how she struggle. i remember how some of my auntiees and cousins cried the moemnet she is gone. i remember how everyone walked out when i came back after sending an old lady downstairs. i knew something was wrong. i remember how i went down to wait for another auntie and how i came back to see no heartbeat. i remember how we were told to not cry, i remember how we stood at the corridor and decide on the funeral, i remember how i rush to Batok the next morning, how i rush back to work and then back to batok again, i regret not getting to see her, i remember seeing her hand from afar, i remember how she look in the past when she is still in the pink of health. i remember how all the cousins got together, i remember how we work together those nights, i remember how we took turn to do things, how we get together to gossip, how we did all the rituals during the last night, how i cried, how people start to cry, how i cry and how the guys tried to stop us from crying, how we still work, how we went early the next morning, how we did what we could again for her, how we gather around to see the house, how we went through rituals again and how everyone start to cry again, how we try to not cry, i remember the moment the coffin was raised by the guys, i remember how everyone broke down. i remember how we walked and how cousins are worried for their mama, how i tried to look after the kids, how we walked and board the bus. i will always remember the route that we walked. how we still can talk and joke on bus and how tired some of us were that they fall asleep.
i remember how the place look like, what we did and i remmeber seeing the tears in the eyes of my cousin rolling, someone always happy and full of jokes, i saw those tears, i remmeber how we then move off to the viewing gallery and how the coffin was pushed in, how everyone start to cry again and i remember how that bloody idiot auntie start to take picture. i rmember how everyone walked out, threw away our socks and took off the things that are suppose to be taken off, how we wore our shoes and how we board the bus again. i remember how emo i was, how irritated i was then on board the bus, with the driver and someone's friend HAPPILY CHIT CHATTING AWAY! i remember how irritated i was, i remember how the few of us on the bus remain very quiet. i remember how we washed ourselves after reaching batok, i remember how we climb the steps up to the hosue and how we prayed again for her to come back to her new house, i remmeber how we went doen and have lunch and i rmember how everyone is ok with everything. then i remember seeing my tired parents at home and i remember playing with my cousins that night, and i remember how emo i got towards the end, cos i realise, everything is over, and she is really gone.

i will remember TTSH forever and i will avoid Novena, cause the moement i go there, i will remember that TTSH is nearby and i will remember i lost my grandma there before.

the one who hardly dotes on me, the one who came over and took care of me the old chinese way when i was very very sick, the one who took me to the hospital to see my cousins when i was young, the one who came to my house and taught me how and where to sweep, the one who came to my house and taught me how to mop, the one who came to my house and kept away all my soft toys, the one who took us and compared with our cousins, the one who i call ah ma, the one comes and stay with us for a few weeks and i remember how she always like me to be home cause i will talk to her, the one who cook nice sweet potato leaves, the one who cook nice but oily food, the one who my doggies likes to play with, the one who have a smile that has only one tooth, the old lady who have difficulty in biting but still bite, the one who gave birth to 18 children, the one who gave me a big family, the one who gave me so many cute cousins, the one who came over and stay during the last newyear, the one who made my house crowded during the new year, the one who dont like to sleep at night, the one who never like to admit that she is tired, the one whom i tried to do an address change for, the one who i missed. dearly.

This is Life.

.::Thinking things through::.

Hmm. Something not really pleasant happened yesterday night and it made me thought through quite alot of things.

Someone called me during lesson and me happen to pick it up. then we had the following conversation:

Girl: Oei, i saw your daddy leh!!!
Me(during class, and speaking damn softly): Orh, i having class.
Girl: I dint see him at the usual coffeeshop leh, i saw him at another one.
Me(still speaking damn softly): Orh, i having class.
Girl: You guess which coffeeshop i saw him?
Me(starting to get irritated, still speaking damn softly): I having class!
Girl: Orh, why having class? What class?
Me end the call aruptly.

ANGRY! BLOOD BOIL CAN?!

Ok, i should not even have picked up the call in the first place.

But this is freaking irritating! How can she be so irritating.

hmm. then when i was walking home, i thought through everything that happened and the weather is nice, small drizzle, real small droplets of rain drop.

I used to think that she is a poor little girl because her sisters dont really treat her well at home and i know ultimately, what she needs is just attention, something that she need endless amount of but her sisters and people living in her house are in no ability to provide her with.
Then i start to realise where her limits are or rather, i realise she have no limits to the need for attention.

Then the fuse start to get shorter and shorter but still manageable.

Just like another Boy, i was telling the brother to give him more attention cause that is what he need also.

But i always tell them, who am i to tell them what to do, they are not my brother or sister. and this make me wonder, am i a good sister?

I know i wasnt there for them the past 2 years but now i am. I know i was just a spoilt brat for the past 2 years but now i believe i am not. so am i a good sister or not? hehe.

Someone told me to heck care her but come to think of it, i still think she very poor thing, no one want to play with her, etc. and even if she was the one who manage to convince us to go over and 'play' with her, ultimately, we will still cast her aside when we start to mj or do other things.

Am i suppose to blame her for her young age? or should i just blame myself for picking up that bloody call? but anyway, its really a SMALL thing la. i just feel so bitch and xiao qi blogging about it here.

anyway, hoping to enjoy whatever that comes along in life but for now, i will continue worrying about what is going to happen at home.

Apparently, my mama forgot to turn off the gas this time round, although the gas is finished, but you never know what. she also damn DOK KONG can? last time forget to turn off the slow cooker and it made me think about it for hours only to realise that it is switch off already. and now this. -.- wth.

OH YA! I wanna go shopping!!! =C i need a new bag BADLY.

ok, wednesday will be the day that i will shop. d= shhh...

hmm. what can i say? sometimes somethings just arent meant to be. my sister asked me about him last night. something that surprised me anyway, everything is over. C= and i am a happy, loving soul now! C=

.::My weekend::.

The weekend was rather well spent. Other than mahjonging and playing around, it was a nice time for me to start everything all over again.

First, Friday night, was suppose to go swimming but oh well, was pangseh by people and end up just laying around in my cousin's house.

I totally forget what we did but i know in the end i went home without nothing much done after the guys come back.

And i spent the night doing cross stitch. something nice and relaxing and not much brain cells exhausted in the process.

Then it is work the next morning as usual and i swear i look like a panda. After working and driving for 3 hours, i went home for a good sleep in the living room. haha.
When i was about to fall asleep, my dear mama called and she mistook me as Ah Chun~!!! WTH. but anyway, after i end the call, i saw my darling Carrot enjoying her sleep on my pillow and pui her. even after me putting my head on her body, she still dont want to move away. rarr~!

but anyway, i went over for my Mahjong session with them as usual and after one whole round, we decide that maybe it is time for dinner at 9 plus. haha. and to think that we actually walked all the way to Lot one for fast food and in the end settled down at KFC.

hmm. i was extremely loud on the way home as usual.

AND we played till 1 am in the stuffy kitchen. -.- with Ah Pui being the entertainer and making everyone laugh.

and then Sunday was to driving lesson after sleeping till noon and then to Kallang for dance. (will touch more later) and then was back to their house and SEE them play mahjong. ~!@#$%^$%^&*
then was dinner at 10pm and then we went home.

hmm. i forgot when or where but i realise that i am missing her more than anything. It has been 20 over days and i am still feeling something whenever i thought of her.

i never know that there will be someone that will make me feel this way other than him. she is someone where, happy, in the company of the others whom she have always missed.

Someone told me that there is actually something that we should not have execute a few years ago. it just lead her to her end faster. but anyway, everything have come to an end, and i believe we are all enjoying whatever that she had brought for us.

Her death bought us closer. she let us have the chance to interact and play together and work together and until now, unlike in the past, we are meeting up more than once each week.

Whatever that is happening now are things that i used to believe as something impossible but it is all going on well now. i hope to make everything last.

and then went back to dance. there are things that it is difficult to put into words for others to understand. i am not heartless, and sometimes, it is just a matter of choice that made me choose to do something and not the other.

it is not that the passion is not there, it is just plain tired of things and nothing that i do can change things so sometimes running away seems easier and better, for me.

Nothing much about work these days as the market is really quiet.

however, time pass rather fast today as i do out all the invoicing and stuff.

i enjoyed it when there is alot of work! C=

Enjoying my Uncle Quaker Baked Apple Granola Bar after a busy morning and Jieyim is attempting to go on DIET!!!

It is not really a boring life now. it is just an excuse to get more attention.

i have interesting foreign workers in the office, maybe other than 2 who likes to stare at me. -.-

EMO-ing when i dont have anyone to sms.
EMO-ing when i have nothing to do at work.

it was a good time spent and hmm, dun bring the hopes too high.

.::HAPPY YESTERDAY::.

haha. had a happy day yesterday. lets list them out one by one. C=

Early morning, i was kept rather busy. or rather, i dont remember whatever that i did. then came the call telling me that the new workers will be coming in. haha.
after that, everyone came back and they start to clean up the place. its great to see all of them working together, maybe other than a few of them that i dont really give a shit to anymore. the rest joke and play through everything and i like that kind of feeling! and they tried to reorganise everything yet AGAIN.
i predict EVERYTHING will be in a mess in less than 2 weeks. ahaha.

then i made a call to Absolute Kinetics and i got the good news! i passed my supervisor course! haha. HAPPY! C=

then some stupid jokes were been shared and HAHA. something about me going into a tank and coming out only 1 week later. -.-

and went on to briefing and we were talking about safety about looking at where you are walking and not fall into a manhole or something. then the stupid tank joke came up again.
and we are been constantly reminded about kumar and his $150 fine. haha

then went off for my first aid course. haha. CPR was scary because the instructor was very angry.
but when it is my turn, i was praised for knowing my procedure. and it feels great when you are the only lady there. i feel that the instructor is biased though

then while the instructor is concentrating on the other's CPR, we tried out our bandage and when i have done mine, and showed to the instructor, i end up looking at other 'classmates'. then was guiding them until the instructor direct them to me, for me to teach them how to hide the fingers in.

okok. haolian haolian.

wadever.

then i had a pack of fries when i was walking home and MAN, that spoils my day! the fries are rather undercook and i had a bad time biting them. but i finished it nonetheless.

someone told me 'you seem happier with your new job' and i said yes, i am really happier.
and we went on to talk about some blur people that i choose to not mention here. YES YOU ARE BLUR.

who can i turn to to let them know that i am not like that? now i know what kind of person you really is. i should have thought all this through a long time ago.

and i caught the hint. and i think it is all getting obvious.

i went to ah ma house. and hmm. its 21 days le.

.::OOPS::.

OH NO. maybe one day i will just die in the office. hmm. i should try not to make the workers hate me. haha. but thats a tad bit difficult because jieyim can be VERY IRRITATING.

especially when she is PMS-ing, like now

hahaha. hmm. life last night was great! MAHJONG MAHJONG MAHJONG! Win like siao but hmm. no money come in because no money was involved in the first place.

hope i dont get exposed someday. but i predict that day is coming and that is tomorrow. =C

i am still coughing and my nose is still block. because i stop taking medicine MAHS... of course la. hmm.

hmm. and something to note, my boss is still not back yet. hmm. lets hope he will be back by the 18th.

... oversensitive is a problem. thinking too much is another problem and hoping for alot is a big big problem.
sometimes i am just contented being around, there is no need to be there all the time. thinking of different ways to start things up knowing that everything will end someday. although i hope that nothing will end at the end of the day. i always tell people things will be ok in the end. so who will tell me that things will be ok at the end of the day? i need assurance as usual. that is my big problem. and i am just like that. how to change the mind of someone and hint that everything is possible. OMG.
DIFFICULT, NEVER
lets hope that someone message me to entertain me later. C= HOPE

okok. i have CPR class tonight and i have yet to memorise the procedure. RARR

.::HELLO::.

JIEYIM IS HERE TO BLOG AGAIN

more and more people are not picking up my calls le. and its making me sad. hmm.

but anyway about my weekend, it is rather well spent la.

haha. i was suppose to go my cousin's house on friday night but seeing that it is my dad's birthday and my mummy will be at home, i said no to her AGAIN. i think she sad sad de.

hmm. went to enjoy our free sundae from Swensen and we met this super familiar manager that i suppose was my nanny's niece or something. but anyway, thats not important.

i crave for brewwarks' cheese sticks. they are the best. oops. i am not sure if i got the name correct. haha. iz that pub next to Igauna. C=

anyway, the cheese sticks at Swensen was DISAPPOINTING and yucky.

went to walk around in NTUC and also attempted to get shoes but everything FAIL!!!

we went to the pet shop thinking of getting a new dog for ME. and we end up buying a dried piggy ear for Carrot. it is really dried PIGGY EAR!!! at least thats what the shop owner claim it to be.

it was suppose to last long but our naughty clever dog finished it in less than an hour.!!!! we couldnt believe it and even resort to searching high and low in the house for it.

oh ya, after the pet shop, we were comtemplating if we should walk home. haha. but ultimately, due to some shit personal reasons, we end up taking 190 home. so be it.

upon reaching home, i also forget what i did.

on saturday, i chiong to quite a few places. -.-

i went to work and after that, my boss drove me to the stadium at Jurong West. haha. i passed them the PSP FINALLY. and we went to jurong point after that.

i was darn drowsy from the cough medicine the whole day or maybe i am really just tired. haha. and after having lunch with them, i took 172 home to cousin's house. haha.

i slept all the way and walked dreamily to the block. and downstairs, i happen to see Ah Huat and this time round, i din overshot the unit. -.-

had dinner at their house before going out to get sweettalk then to play badminton..

had a crazy night. really crazy. crazy beyond description. haha.

and after a long night, we went home and i attempt to watch the documentary but the medicine make me doze off every now and then. so no choice, bamb. i sleep like a pig after that

should i go to class tonite? hmmm...

why are things the way they are now? -.- =C

looking forward to chalet!!! C=

ohya, the tap in office just leak again and the guys just came back from van pushing. the van and lorry are taking turns to break down. OMG.

oh ya, i dreamt of her again. this time round, puking blood and very sickly in the bed.

SICK SICK SICK

that has been on my nickname on MSN for quite somedays le. and it is being mentioned in the previous entries for MANY MANY MANY times le.

argh. i am not getting any better. hmm.

i am so free now, AGAIN. hmm. but i believe later things will be very chaotic. haha. i shall go try to see if the dvd are in good conditions. C=

oh tonight, hmm. its lao bei's birthday, do you think i will get to meet the not-drunk-him? haha. i doubt so.

thinking of going over to grandma house to bai bai. hmm. maybe i should, or maybe i should bring and ask the others to go along as well.

hmm. something STUNNING happened at work. oh my goodness, cannot image they are THAT childish. no other words to describe le la. really BUAI TAHAN.

byebye. thats all i can tell the person and we shall see what will happen to the company.

poor partner of his. trying to cover up for him and got himself into deep shit also. oh no.

hmm. we shall see. hmm.

TOMORROW~! WHEE~!

should i get off tomorrow to go to the docs? or maybe i should go in the afternoon? all this is killing me. argh.

did i mention that i have a funny mama?

Case One:
Mei and mama went into the new lift.
Mei pressed 5th storey
Come out from the lift at 5th storey.
Mama: EEK! how come look so different? How come we are at 5th floor?!

Mei: Its the new lift ma!

Mama: The new lift can reach 5th floor meh?!

Mei: ...

Mama: OH...! HAHAHA


Case Two:
Me, Mei and Mama sitting in the living room, discussing about my cough and flu.

Me: The instructor at the first aider course say maybe i am down with Upper Respiratory Tract Infection. He ask me go see doctor to get medicine and antibiotics.

Mama: Ask your go take the cough syrup dont listen, can recover de. And, dont take antibiotics, it is not good, later nothing can cure you when you get worse next time.

Me: I know too much antibiotics not good la... but i also dont want to take the cough syrup. No use de.

Mama: The cough syrup no use, better than nothing.

Me: Dont want, later get sudden bad cough and i will cough like crazy.

(I dont remember mama replying me)
15 minutes later

Me(attempting to sneeze but fail): I should have gone to get the Panadol for flu!!! my nose is super itchy and its killing me!

Mama: Buy what medicine? Take the medicine no use de la.

Me: ...!!! HAHA. you just now still ask me go take the cough syrup!!!! hahahahahaha.

Mama (suddenly realise that she is contradicting herself, laughing): Oh ya hor, haha. go take the hot drinks for flu and cold la.

SUPER -.- lor.... my lao bu. hahaha

Oh ya, this remind me, i have a difficult time trying to sneeze. ah. and it dont feel good to not be able to sneeze. :(

.::here to post again::.

i seriously think i should stop posting new post like 2 times a day.

but dude. i dont care, i am just way too bored.

:P took a small nap for about 20minutes just now because i am really feeling very sick. i hope i can have the courage to take the saturday off.

and i now see the need to go shopping la... i need a dark coloured cardigan, or maybe a white one. cause apparently i only have one brown one that i can wear now. hmm. how long will this last, i dont know but i know it is all a want, not a need.

mama dont see the need for me to get a lappy so she is not going to help me with application of installment. sianed. so that means, either i wait till i am 21, pay full amount or give up the idea. whatever it is, it is going to be a long wait, maybe other than the last decision.

i am blog hopping and i came across alot of links to those young mommies blog. so interesting...

hmm. no ones understand how much i have gone through, how much i have done those years. i dont have the courage to say it out. even to someone close.

i keep thinking, what will happen if....

so many 'what will happen if...'

i am missing companies. i need people to go out with me. i need supper. i want supper time, better with drinking but i realli gave up on the idea of drinking, seeing what it did to me and how it worsened my cough.

argh. faster recover! ok, i drank alot of water today le hor.

hmm. reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply my sms~!

ARGH. my boss cannot sign off from cape town, that means he will take about another week before he is back...

and CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP. something stupid just happened.

i am eating alot recently, is my weighing machine spoil or something. hmmmmmm... how can i be only 47kg? hmmm.

looking forward to the occupational first aid course tonight! C= i like the way the instructor teach and conduct the class.

hmm. waiting for batteries to come before i go have my yun tun gou tiao! C=

.::SICK::.

JIE YIM IS SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK

all thanks to me being stubborn about getting a drink.

and so i did, i drown down a 500ml of Carlsburg and *poof* i woke up with a damn jialat sore throat. i thought beer is suppose to be cooling?!

hmm. i did drown down 500ml of water before i sleep, i bet that minimise the impact/damage.

ok, did i mention that i had fries again yesterday night? =s haha. maybe thats the reason why i am half dead here.

thinking if i should apply for half day leave on Saturday. hahaha.

maybe i will.

there goes my swimming plans on friday night. i dont think anyone in the correct mind, in my situation will go swimming. but but but but if i dont swim, jiu not much other chance le leh.

oh poor adi 2 piece swim suit, when was the last time i wear u?

haha. so so looking forward to the chalet. =D i think i will go havoc and become darn crazy la.

but whatever, now the thing top on my list is to recover. recover recover.

no more fries for me tonight and i will leave the beer till next time le. or maybe some kind soul will finish it for me.

better dont be my dad.

OH YA! I get scoldings from my mother EVERY SINGLE MORNING! simply over the fact that i cant wake up on my own. OMG. and by the time she wake me up, its darn late and i will fly to work in cab. i should put a stop to that TOMORROW! C=

hmm. yesterday was the 14th day. hmm. i will remember i have a very cute and funny grandma.

tomorrow is my dad's birthday. hmm. but i doubt he will be at home. he hardly celebrate his birthday.

and i hardly get to see a not-drunk-daddy.

my life is still BORING like before. classes till 9.30pm from monday to thursday, and i am left with FRIDAY! tell me what else i can do?

sianed.

the impossible of the 2, the 2 impossible. hoping and thinking. maybe miracle will happen. stupid me. as usual

.::BORED::.

YA da ya da ya da.

hmm. i m bored AGAIN. and those that i was chatting with SUDDENLY disappear all together.

sianed. and i am going to find something to do before i fall asleep.

reading blogs, there isnt endless blogs to read.

i feel so crap now, cos i am blogging like a noob but so be it.

when will i get to mahjong again?! i want to drink!!! that seems to be top on the list for me. :P

hmm. evil. but hmm.

having class tonight. and not to mention about yesterday night class, which was C.R.A.P. i was literally drawing flowers throughout the whole lesson LA! not that i dont want to pay attention but simply the lecturer also dont give it a damn. so why should i care?

and i did something amazing after class. i went to eat fries haha. yum but hmm, i took the risk of worsening my sore throat but apparently, it got better C=

i said the salt from the fries will make me better! and it did C=

hmm. i feel like bitching about something here but apparently i shouldnt, i should put a stop to all the bad things. hmm. so as not to spoil more relationships.

hmm. i was wondering, how much worse can he get? he is evil. very evil.

i cant access my hotmail account. die die die die die.

i am so looking forward to YEAR END! faster faster faster.

i am thinking of 2, 2 that are impossible.

.::jieyim post more when is not happy::.

ok la, actually i am not really not happy or something.

other than the fact that my dad scolded me last night, the stupid circuit trip and for the first time, i tried to take a closer look at the circuit board and in the midst of going up the table, i step right through a plastic stool, with my foot stuck in the stool. other than a cut, we manage to salvage the situation and get the electricity for the aircon running again.

other than the above mentioned, i also have a bloody sister, sitting at the corner of my bed studying for her exam. did i mention that she start to take out her book to study only at 12 midnight?! and bloody hell, she asked me stupid chemistry questions that are so so so important for her test the next day! ok, i did help her. but i have the urge to send her flying to the floor any moment.

just when i shut her up when i realised its 12.45AM, i heard the holy sound again~~! and there goes my aircon for the night, the circuit trip again and we just decide to not do anything to it and just sleep without aircon. ARGH.

and i had a nice cooling night with my windows closed, door closed. while my mom and sister shared a standing fan at their doors.

tell me, how can i leave the room open when i have 2 dogs at home and a big pile of notes and worksheet on the floor just next to my door. argh. nvm.

and so generally, i have a really good sunday.

... hmm. actually, there is something good la. i finally decide on the chalet. just hope there is no pangseh cases. and hmm.

sometimes, somethings are just not meant to be. over sensitive is not something good. it is wrong. wrong for whatever i am thinking now. so at least i am still afloat.

oh ya. i got the sickening sore throat flu from work! ARGH~~!

.::The cold weather::.

again, i am feeling cold. is it the weather or just me. i always ask myself this question.

maybe, really, sometimes, somethings are just too late.

i went somewhere that i haven been to for a long time. ok, 2 months is rather long.

if only i had the chance to talk before this happened or after that happened. maybe things would not be like that now.

please let me get busy. i dont want to be left with nothing to do.

i want to be tired and not wake up in the middle of the night.

or maybe, better still, dont wake up at all.

stupid. this was soemthing that i choose. why did it have to rain.

will things change again these few days?

kill me please