.::so far::.

~*so many things to say*~
~*so many things not done*~
~*so many regrets*~
~*so many sorries*~
~*so many whys*~
~*so many confusion that i have no idea what all these is about*~

even before i start, i should apologise...haha... blog dead for so long...

anyway... so many things happened... so many and yet i only remeber the bad ones... hmm...why?... i don't know... but i still do remember that i picked up a sabretooth and someone gave me a silver snowboard... thanks a million...

anyway... ya... so many things that needs to be done... and so many things that are done by me... and some others and i am feeling guilty that i actually did that... regret for what so ever that had happened... if your know what i am talking about... i failed to consider and think for everyone again...who am i to deserve what they are saying? i am not that great afterall...

hmm... maybe what i heard was just what a certain someone had said... as in maybe that person is just making up things that do not exist... but since no one seems willing to tell me what happen, i can only choose to accept what i heard... for after so long, i finally know the reason why he choose to leave in the first place... never thought about that at all...

so many problems caused due to all those acts of mine... at least a lesson learnt though... learnt no to do anything... and i am trying to control...

never know that all these could have happen... refering to all of them... only when the thing is starting to stir then i realise what a fool i have been... i am always feeling that i am a fool...

but somehow i have learnt to take things as they come... because happy or not... you still have to smile... you still have to laugh... i know if i cry, i will be the one at fault... i tried to control... i tried...

i miss them... i miss every single one of them...

sometimes i just wish that i do not know anything bad... at least things will still be the same...

all those meetings and things that i have said... how i hope that they never come out of my mouth...

sorries to those who understand what i am talking about... i contributed to things... maybe i am starting to miss myself... miss those days when everything is just so so peacefull...

maple kept me company these few nights... i will be so tired that the moment i off my computer i will just fall asleep... i am not thinking that much...

today... what have i done all along to deserve this kind of treatment? all the problems that i know... i wanted to solve them... i am trying my best...but she no longer needs me... why are there changes? i never like changes... i rathe rlife be the same... let the people around me be how they used to be... she is no longer the one whom i know what she is thinking... someow sheis different... arrogant?proud?or just trying to be strong? i don't know... but one thing for sure... she just falls in the group that i can never comprehen... never able to guess what they are thinking about...

sometimes it is just not good to be able to guess people's minds... cause when you obviously know that you are right and yet when you asked them they said otherwise, you will just feel hurt... hurt that they are not telling you the truth... although you knwo that they have their reasons... but it just hurts...i dont know why... i never like secrets

if you dont want to let me know anything, then dont even let me know of it's existance... once i know, you will have to tell me...

i never like to see people depressed and not know what is going on...

i start to realised that those whom i once treated as matured in thinkings, are not that matured afterall...maybe they changed or maybe i was wrong right from the start...

he changed you... i dare not say that i am putting in my most effort for this thing but i can just admit that we are different in our piorities... there some things that i think they are more important than any other thing...

i dont know how to continue... because...thinking back, everything was cause by my own doings...

there are just some memories that i choose to remove them from my handphone... because there are just things that i do not see the point in placing them at places that i will easily catch a glimpse of... it is sometimes better to keep things at the hidden corners of my heart...

only those who are concerned will know what i am really thinking about... for they will be the ones willing to ask...

i dont know what more changes will happen day after day.. let my holidays pass peacefully...

i am trying to let it be peaceful... it is just good to treat her as a stranger... not that i wanted to... but i just dont know how to settle it... i will only end up with heartaches... not me, not her but someone else...

haas... if you ever have the chance to see my swollen eyes, you should be feeling glad for me... cause i manage to let things out... i cant even cry now...

~*i hate changes*~
~*what will things be like half a year later?*~
~*what can i do to solve and settle everything?*~
~*missing you, youu, them*~
~* C= *~