The qualities of a boyfriend

Something that I was discussing with Jasmine last night. So many things to say, but the things are always changing time to time. I blog about this before! I guess, with Love, everything change! Nothing matters anymore.

Place my blog address on facebook! Random.

Waiting for time to pass. So here I am to blog.

Everything is finally finally over. And I really mean it. Moving on. I guess thats just so me.

It is difficult for me to make a decision on something, but once I decided, I will be determined! And I am out of it!

Ok, back to the title.

A boyfriend should give you his shoulder to cry on.
A boyfriend should be gentleman (I think)
A boyfriend should be caring (Jasmine think)
A boyfriend should not let you wait too much
A boyfriend should try to have dinner with me (I hate dining alone =C)
A boyfriend should be thoughtful (Jasmine think)
and the list just goes on and on and on...

I am bored! So I shall not continue.

I have to agree, it is easy to fall in love but difficult to stay in love. Let me think where should I go tomorrow night.

for a reader who dont read anymore

There are so many things to say and yet the one that this was meant for never read anymore. It is not easy, not even now. But it shouldn't hurt anymore ba. I hope. Thinking of whatever that they might be doing now and the time that they are spending together. Convince me that he wasn't that good afterall and he isn't the better one that I deserved like he said before. When will I meet the one for me?

a trip went wrong

I was so looking forward to the trip and it all went wrong! I was looking forward to driving, to the place, and I even packed my bag and all! Argh

Everything is over

A love story that lasted for two years. There are memories that one forget and people around you rememebers. Whatever things that were once there is no longer there and will never be there again. I guess it is just another lesson learnt.

It was a long journey, not a happy one, painful in one way or another for anyone. Yet, love kept us going. It was love that puts up with all the nonsense and holding on, hoping that one day, something will be different. Yet this shows something else, how much love there is.

Lets stand by the belief that you love and take someone the way he or she is, not someone whom you want him or her to be two years down the road.

There is really no factors to determine who is better in relationship, and no way to determine who is at fault in a relationship.

Remember the days when time is always spent together. Always know where is the other party, always knows where to find him or her, how he could be found simply by calling my phone to look for him. How the bears once looks cute together in the car. How going to places that I never knew existed was interesting. How waiting for each other for meals is nothing but normal. How bringing me out to run arrears is normal duing work hours. How going down for breakfast is normal as well.

Was it the way the society was that made things changed? The stress from work and school made things turn out differently. How it is troublesome to inform where you are, how troublesome to have the bears falling all the time, how difficult it is to reply SMSes, how time is spent in office at work instead of outside, how dinner is starting to be a alone stuff, how bringing me out is no longer possible during work hours, how breakfast is time spent with someone else.

Things that I once wanted badly two years ago didnt happen these two years, was it because there wasnt enough love or just that the love was different? I kept asking myself that because I couldnt accept either one answer.

The flyer was the dream two years back and it became a burden on me, me having to plan, organise, inform and then subsequently turning up for it. I never do it, because of the uncertainty and also because I wanted the surprise maybe.

Fireworks was my favourite and yet I can no longer demand because of the hassle to go and park and the timing and all.

For all the things that I can never imagine myself living with, I lived with it. I lived with no SMSes, no movies, no concern, barely care, no talking on the phone, frequent arguments, bad temper, easily irritated self. I lived with it, maybe subconciously believing that I loved him so I can live with all of those.

I always had this struggle within me for being demanding and understanding. Demand for more time alone, yet have to be understanding that he is busy. Demand for replies, yet have to be understanding that he is replying other smses the whole day and it is tiring for him. Demanding for him to let me know where he is, yet have to be understanding that he is always everywhere. Demanding him to bring me along, yet have to be understanding that both his and my job nature no longer allows that.

I wonder did I not love him enough? I really really did wonder. I regret for things that I could have done, but then again, I wasnt sure whether it is right to do things that way and all. I cant convince myself whether I loved him alot to put up with all of his or I didnt love him enough to lead things to where they are now.

Whatever it is, I only hope that I really moved on. I am still worried of having spare time to myself, worry of whatever that might happen. That is the fact that I never really admit to anyone else until now.

Like the title of this blog as always, Life Moves On.

Thanks for the love.

现在的我

现在的我又错了。我想起了他。

I hope the song...

I hope the song describe what he went through... I hope the song describe what he felt...



For all of the time that i tried for your smile

For making you think that i was worth the while
So your love love love love love would be mine
For sending you flowers and holding your hand
That no one was there to take a stand
But then love love love made us blind
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
So sorry that i loved you
Sorry that i needed you
Sorry that i hold you tight
And I’m So sorry for...
Making you love me and saying goodbye
For being the one that taught you how to cry
It was love love love and it passed us by
For giving you every thing that you dreamed
For taking it back when i fled the scene
sorry love,for wasting your time
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
I’m so sorry that i loved you
Sorry that i needed you
Sorry that i hold you tight
And apology now after all of this time
Won’t make my difference tonight
But I’m hoping I’m Sorry will open your mind
To love love love love in your life
Sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
So sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry do can’t turn back time
I’m sorry that i loved you
I’m sorry that i hurt you
I’m so sorry that i loved you
I’m sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i loved you

Maybe he didnt. C= But it is ok.

Nights are sometimes unbearable

Let tonight be the last night that I am doing wrong things :)

Put make up tonight. The weather makes it good, or maybe with the facial wash my face is stable enough for this now. :) Good good. Continue tomorrow!

I was thinking about the 3 or 4 years ago 'Me'. Walking around in jeans and baggy tee, who will think that I will wear dresses one day? Haha. And I did. :)

Sent the car to the tyre shop to check on the wheels and woohoo! It is doing fine now, although there is still slight  vibration but yap yap, it is alright. :) Free! Good tyre shop who takes good care of tyre sold by them, with a nice boss!

Dinner coming, thrilled! Alright, got to work. and tomorrow need to take exam! Tada.

history

I let history repeated itself. I caused what happened 2.5 years ago happen again. I didn't do things right again. I really tout I was better!

Christmas Tree!

Tomorrow :) hmm. lets see. haha I want to see Christmas Tree!

Something strike me...

As a joke...

Haha. Friday was a sinful day because I gave myself time off to let myself be a student for the day. I watched friends Bball, went for KOI bubble tea.

That few hours of carefree student life. Something that I learnt to appreciate and cherish and treasure.

But I have no idea how being with someone can take all these away from me. I choose this path myself, to not study well when I can, to work, and to study and work. It is tiring. Not very tiring. Fulfilling.

always tempted

Always tempted to get a wallet. But what am I going to do with the wristlet when I get a wallet? Wonder

人

其实我很想他，但是我不想再做那个在乎的人。 我妒嫉，妒嫉在你身旁的不是我。她轻易，容易地在你周围，而我就算有再在多的心，也只有那么多的力。 有时不的不承认，作的永远比说的难。 人生！

Someone told me ...

Someone told me that I should be doing sales. hahaha. Not bad. Haha.

Hmm. sleepy all these days. And I want to have now is good bubble tea. Badly.

funny

Told me that u r feeling warm and the next moment u tell me to go up first while u stay there. I don't understand. U just have to wait for her I suppose. Go ahead, stick together

It strikes once again

So it happened once again last night:
--"What time you waking up tomorrow?"
-"Erm, 7.45."
--"What paper tomorrow?"
-"No paper tomorrow."
--"Then why you wake up so early?"
-"Work la, you think I very free ah?"
--"Can you dont end off with that? It irritate alot of people."
-"So who it irritate? You?"
--"Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up..."
-"Do I look like I am very free all the time?"
--"No, but there are times that you are free. shut up, shut up..."

So i decided to shut up. hoping that she will realise that those portions of my time that I am free is just a small percentage of the time that she spent on watching movie and gaming on her lappy.

Ridiculous. Let it be.

Working alone

Actually I should be used to working alone right? I mean, I have always most of the time been working alone? Hmm.

But the sight of people downstairs having dinner together before meeting make me feel out of place. So I came up to my own little corner. I feel like crying. Maybe it is just too many things all at once. But actually nothing happened really.

I wonder, did I love my work before because of you? If not then why I dont seem to like it now? Or just that I have an alternative, something to compare, and I realise that studying is so much better?

conclusion

Working on the go is IMPOSSIBLE! -.- a right click on a drawing will take 5 seconds for the menu to come up. And 2 reports took me 1 hour. Goodness.

Someone told me...

Someone told me that I am strong. Very strong. But do I want to be the way I am now? Do I want to be strong?

Sometimes it just gets so lonely that I dont even feel like going to bed, so lonely that I dont even feel like smiling and be happy, so lonely that the slightest concern can move me. But sadly, that concern is never from the right people.

No one will understand the effect of chocolate on me. Someone gave me chocolate today, it brighten my day for a while. Quite a while.

For the second time in 4 days, I have to order food, planning to have it in the restaurant, changed to take away at the very last min... No seats and I am alone.

"Will he reply?" is what cross my mind everytime I send him something, msn, SMS. And it is always so difficult to keep a conversation. I think it is difficult when one doesnt want to talk.

Study!

I want to watch fireworks. Maybe it is time to take some time alone. New year eve :) I hope.