A love story that lasted for two years. There are memories that one forget and people around you rememebers. Whatever things that were once there is no longer there and will never be there again. I guess it is just another lesson learnt.
It was a long journey, not a happy one, painful in one way or another for anyone. Yet, love kept us going. It was love that puts up with all the nonsense and holding on, hoping that one day, something will be different. Yet this shows something else, how much love there is.
Lets stand by the belief that you love and take someone the way he or she is, not someone whom you want him or her to be two years down the road.
There is really no factors to determine who is better in relationship, and no way to determine who is at fault in a relationship.
Remember the days when time is always spent together. Always know where is the other party, always knows where to find him or her, how he could be found simply by calling my phone to look for him. How the bears once looks cute together in the car. How going to places that I never knew existed was interesting. How waiting for each other for meals is nothing but normal. How bringing me out to run arrears is normal duing work hours. How going down for breakfast is normal as well.
Was it the way the society was that made things changed? The stress from work and school made things turn out differently. How it is troublesome to inform where you are, how troublesome to have the bears falling all the time, how difficult it is to reply SMSes, how time is spent in office at work instead of outside, how dinner is starting to be a alone stuff, how bringing me out is no longer possible during work hours, how breakfast is time spent with someone else.
Things that I once wanted badly two years ago didnt happen these two years, was it because there wasnt enough love or just that the love was different? I kept asking myself that because I couldnt accept either one answer.
The flyer was the dream two years back and it became a burden on me, me having to plan, organise, inform and then subsequently turning up for it. I never do it, because of the uncertainty and also because I wanted the surprise maybe.
Fireworks was my favourite and yet I can no longer demand because of the hassle to go and park and the timing and all.
For all the things that I can never imagine myself living with, I lived with it. I lived with no SMSes, no movies, no concern, barely care, no talking on the phone, frequent arguments, bad temper, easily irritated self. I lived with it, maybe subconciously believing that I loved him so I can live with all of those.
I always had this struggle within me for being demanding and understanding. Demand for more time alone, yet have to be understanding that he is busy. Demand for replies, yet have to be understanding that he is replying other smses the whole day and it is tiring for him. Demanding for him to let me know where he is, yet have to be understanding that he is always everywhere. Demanding him to bring me along, yet have to be understanding that both his and my job nature no longer allows that.
I wonder did I not love him enough? I really really did wonder. I regret for things that I could have done, but then again, I wasnt sure whether it is right to do things that way and all. I cant convince myself whether I loved him alot to put up with all of his or I didnt love him enough to lead things to where they are now.
Whatever it is, I only hope that I really moved on. I am still worried of having spare time to myself, worry of whatever that might happen. That is the fact that I never really admit to anyone else until now.
Like the title of this blog as always, Life Moves On.
Thanks for the love.
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