.::r u despo?::.

~*cant even tink of aniting poetic to describe dis*~

~*i m not a born poet rite from the start*~

it make mi realise how big a failure i m... regarding all dis matter... he is jux another bastard tat i fail to notice... mayb not jus mi... alot ppl ard mi still haf not manage to notice... he is jus a Despo Bastard Slacker... tat is wad i shall label him as now... he jus sux lahx...

i dunno wad to continue typing... i oli hope to expose everyting... i want him to die a terrible death... he dun deserve all these good attention... i wan him exposed.... i m evil... i know!!!! i dun care... i dun gif it a damn.. i hate him... the first person i hate... yet i still have to put on a happy front... i jus want to expose everyting... i wan him dead... i m bad... i m agitated now... i jux wan to stop his evil acts... b4 he proceed to his next prey... wich is oreadi in his palm... waiting jus for the rite time... less dan a year away... the tim eis drawing near...

~*i want him dead~*

~*i wan to expose everyting*~

~*stop his evil act*~

~*save his prey*~

.::i m tired::.

~*i m tired of seeing him*~

~*disappointment is wad i get in return*~

so many things happened dese few days... so much tat i jus cant seem to digest everyting... not just mentally but physically too...

mentally... disappointment is all tat i got back... not to say tat for the past years i placed hope on him or sumting... but i jux didnt expect iz him... the worst of all tat i know... tat is juz wad tat disappointed mi...

he is different from another guy... HE bu jiang yi qi... HE is a criminal!!! i juz simply labelled him as one...

he is good at everyting..but wad is the point??? his character sux to the core... he izzen even fit to be a dog... ya... and i realli mean it...

~*he is the first person tat i hate*~

~*there is no diff btw him and a criminal!!!*~

physicalli... haix... haha... qian fan... addicted... but i still cant do it well... haix... cont training... haha... do my best... tml cont chionging... haha... i like grass fields so much now... haha... realise i cant do qian fan on dose blue mattress in PA... haha

.::cool day!!!::.

~*result of slacking for years*~

~*nuting accomplished*~

ya... i m quite slack for the past four years.. haha... not dose obvious slack... jux dun wna to pract dose stunts and stuff liddat... haha...

but recently got chance go stadium.... cooll... haha... finally lian qian fan... but it still sux lahx... and sort f finally lian cartwheel... aft so so so so so mani years... haha...

mr lim dere saying i too old for gym stuff le... haha... wad can i say? haha...ya i admit i too old le... hee...

~*one life*~

~*live it once*~

~*dun regret*~

.::dance::.

~*i nv knew tat i know tat much*~

haha... it sort of shocked mi... haha... i was toking to someone in nhss tat day... we went back to nhss for dance pract... hehe... i shall not mention hu tat person is...

we were sitting dere and tat person find it warm... he suggested switching on those standing fans... 3 sec3 boys sitting near the fan... haha...

i went up to sumwhere near the fan and told my friend... if he could name ani one of the sec3 guys name, i on the fan for him... haha... apparently he cant...

not tat mi laughing at him or sumting.. i sort of realised tat... ee... hehe... i know more dan my friends... haha... evil mi!!! haha... i dun care...

~*sumting can be taught but sum cant*~

was teaching koon hui how to be cool and scare sumone off... haha... sori, i know i was a bit the harsh when mi teaching u... but i hope u learn... blogging online wun help... u r simply sumone like tat edwin... haha... no offence...

koonhui actualli not a bad guy... he is a good friend... sadly i m not... but i can tell tat... he cant really b a good bf, cos he is abit the insensitive to gals tinking... he is sumone hu u can turn to when got trouble... tok to him, he will be more dan willing to listen... and suggest solutions and givve opinions at time... but i can tell u... his solutions sumtimes a bit the... erm... cant realli solve probs... opinion usualli is on diff sides as urs cox he gt diff point fo view... but he is still a good guy!!!

sounds like mama selling son off liddat... i will try to change him into a beta person... as in a beta guy for gals... haha...

~*everyone can change*~

~*oli the time taken tat matters*~

.::rubbish in acjc::.

~*leaving behind too much rubbish*~

~*no matter how much clearing up oso wun help*~

i leave too much rubbish in acjc le... tat is one of the main reason to y i wan to leave ac... iz a cool sch actualli... bad grades... miss sch... everyting bad... not even able o find a cca... so ... haix... mayb sa is a beta choice... start life anew... but it will b a bit diff for mi to go back to nhss when sa shift to potong pasir...

.::i dun realli want to move on::.

~*the earth keeps revolving*~

~*the time keep moving on*~

~*can the time just stop taking mi along?*~

~*i hate moving on*~

i hate changes... i never welcum changes... i dun wan changes to my life... i lyk it the way it is now... to mi, now going to sch seems to be a chore... i dun feel the bond... everyting is just different...

mayb rite frm the start i shd not have even joined dance... if i have know tat i will get so emotional, den i wun...

i go back nhss omost every single day... i know i dun haf a choice but to let go... but it is forever easier said dan done...

besides nhds, there is oso DI.. jus another smaller scale of nhds for mi to at least feel the bond... practices tat end late... and the fact tat my dad dun lyk dancing, makes him gif nasty remarks... he make his daughter sound like a BITCH!!! wad kind of dad do u tink he is? simply bcox he used to b a gangster and he assume tat i will b one?

forever others children are beta dan his own... forever others children more polite dan us... forever others children more sensible dan us...

(crude mi... click ontat [x] on top to stop reading... everyone haf a choice)

other children beta, ask them call u daddy lah... other children more polite, open ur eyes big and wide see hu greet the elders and hu dun... other children sensible, den ask dem cum ur hse live lahx... in my point of view... they r sensible cos dey dunit to spend time on deir studies... no matter how much time dey spend, dey oso get the same grades... den might as well learn how to be housewife househusband...

oli remember how bad we are... didnt realised the fact tat we stick how much gold onto his face... mi and sis get the best results in his side of family... his sister's grand-daughter DROP OUT!!! BAD CASE... his sister's grand-daughter can stay out all nites wif guys dun cum home... his sister's grand-daughter can sit in the coffee shop for the whole day...

u call tat BITCH and xia4 jian4... u call tat luan4 gao3 outside... DUN USE luan4 gao3 ON MI!!! I M NOT HER...

~*stop mi froming going back to NHDS and DI, and you will see the other side of mi... the bad mi... u will never want to haf a child liddat... i m optimisstic... but there is always a limit... i haf a choice to be bad or good... i wun want to change my decision now*~

.::MAybe i am just plain idiot and stupid?::.

~*it all make me seem stupid*~

i cried again today... sad case huh... i didnt want to... i am just sad... plain sad, disappointed and every other things bad...

i never want to lose my temper... i tried to sound nice... but it just does not seems to be of any use...

with a whole gang of others who think that this batch is bad, an even SOMEONE and some people who labelled them as disrespect, i never have that thought... they are simply my friends and nothing else... close friends... my close friends are actually them and not others my age...

maybe to some people out there, i am just plain idiot and stupid... what for shed all those tears when they don't undstd? what for try to go against the wind, trying to protect these little trees?

it is because of my trust for them... 3years are not alot , but they are enough to let u undstd a whole gang of people... i watch them grow... the same old grandmother story again... knowing that they will be serious when they are required to... but apparently they are not...

~*the howling of the wind continued into the late night*~

~*walking against the wind, i tried*~

~*for the sake of protecting the small trees*~

~*knwing that one day they will grow tall and strong*~

~*taking over my job*~

can the feeling of disappointment stop coming? i still believe that one day, i will no longer feel disappointed... becox the small trees would haf grown up by then... i dun care u believe mi or not... i trust myself and my small trees...

.::dance again,people in NHDS::.

~*dance rox...*~

~*got reason one horx*~

dancers always say dance rox, not becox of the achievement or aniting, but for the sake of the bond and every other good things...

i shall tok abt people in nhds in this entry...

i m jus too bored... tats why mi keep blogging... haha

people in nhds, to others maybe naughty and bad... but to our own dancers, other dancers in nhds are still great friends regardless of wad things he had done or said...

dancers in nhds mayb kids tat teachers gif up on and bad kids tat others in the sch despise, but in nhds, all of us are still friends... the attitute tat they gave during dance is totally diff from attitute tat they gif in class... believe mi... iz true...although SHE dun encourage dis, she want the good attitute to be in dance and class...

some examples... but i shall not mention names...

there is sumone hu dun like cumming to sch... but he forever will cum dance... unless he cant wake up on time...

i came across this gang... although dey hate sumone for doing something bad to dem, dey still gave him chance... even when they came up wif plannes to due wif him, dey oso put tat person in top consideration...

dere is sumone hu's form teacher gave up on him le... but in dance, we maybe scolding him ad things like tat but all we wanted was him to change for the better... cos we believe tat he can... and giving up on him was never one of our option

no matter how bad a person in dance is, other dancers still accept him as he is... tat is how we are educated...

no matter how bad a person is in his or her studies, he or she still receive = respect and no one will despise him or her at all...

~*to all those hu tinks tat they are bad...*~

~*remember that dancers in NHDS will never gif up on u*~

**abit crap :P

.::yaya, lige moves on::.

~*i never like changes*~

~*why did i gif myself the long break?*~

~*now i haf to re-adapt*~

why did i gid myself a long break???? haixnow i haf to readapt...

i m so used to spending time in nhss le... for the past weeks i haf been spending time wif nhds... the bond and everything else just pulled mi back from accepting the cuming new environment... now i m wishing tat i dunit to take up ani cca... i wan to spend time in nhss wif NHDS!!!

find mi stupid or aniting... i m now getting back tat same feeling tat i gt aft cultural pot last year... jux not tat intense...

sumtimes i m tinking... mayb i shd not even haf joined dance... if i didnt join, i wun waste so much tears le... crying bcox i haf to leave... i dun wan changes...i m jux so used to life in nhds... so used to everyting... life is not the same outside nhds...

~*i dun wan to change*~

~*but i m forced to*~

.::dance again::.

~*NHDS*~

here i am blogging about dance again... maybe i shall talk about wad happened to me on friday?

ok...early in the morning... zhongyi touched on the sensitive topic... the things that happened on thursday... later... me, him and sam stood there and hear someone talking... i think your know who i am refering to...

i don't know why... but when sam asked me to go away, the first thing that i did was not go and look after the others who are doing warm up... i went to the back and cried... kind of stupid huhx... but to me, i don't think zhu lin deserved the treatment that they received... feeling sad for them... and feeling sad for having HER in NHDS...

inside me, i am kind of angry with her for argueing stupid things but part of my heart still tells me that she is not that bad after all... she is just not good enough... although i am sad, i still told the others, who are scolding her, that, SHE is not that bad...

I don't deny the fact that she is not good... but she is simply not good enough... she wants to help but she didn't put in enough commitment...

maybe some people disagree with me and think that i am just her DOG or something, but i still have the same stand... i m neutral, but abit against her... she is not that bad... she is just not good enough... she is bad compared with previous in-charge. but she is good compared to others currently...

people please accept the fact that she is not that bad, but not good enough... another bad thing is the fact that she don't think that she is bad... maybe give her time???

for all my previous years in NHDS, i keep on hearing things like dance will fall when Xwho everX batch leave... but i can tell you... that will never happen... because the graduates will not allow that to happen...

~*from the moment we enter this NHDS family,*~

~*we know that one day we will leave the family*~

~*but we know that all our memories will still be linked*~

~*to keep the memories going*~

~*the only way out is to keep the family going*~

.::Handstand;;QIan Fan::.

~*Finally!!!*~

yaya... haha... i finally tried all these tings tat i didnt do for the past 4 years... have been slacking, for ur information... haha... wadever it is, i finally tried...

still veri bad... haha... but at least i tried huhx???

now cum to tink abt my past... for the past four years, i tried qian fan and gui fan all those tings... but i faced prob... cox my leg jux wun listen to mi... so in the end i didnt cont training...

link this to life... haha...

~*u dun try*~

~*u never know*~

ya... tat shd be the right spirit... dun live wif regrets and regrets in ur life... iz tiring and sad... life is short and yet u spend half of ur time pondering over whether to try or nox... iz kind of stupid... waste so much time...

.::wad can i do?::.

~*has he changed?*~

~*or has he always been like that?*~

so many people changed through these few years... it leave me puzzling whether they were like that when i know them, jux that i didnt realise or the fact that they really changed...

~*let's talk about the first HIM...*~

i used to think that he is very clever... because what he said is always sensible and logical... i will turn to him when i need someone to analyse my problems... but recently i realised the bad part of him... or should i say that i am just starting to accept that he is like that since long ago... not that he changed or anything... just that he hided his bad points well unknowingly, and i didn't realise...

his bad points maybe something small and not important compared to his good points... but i think soon, his bad points will leave a bad impression... the bad impression which even his good points can't change... simply mean that people will only remember his bad and not his good...

remembering bad and not good points is perfectly normal in this world... people are just like this... they remember the good point for the sake of comparing themselves with others good point... who will go and remember bad points and go compare their bad points?

anyway... i realised that he is just so concern about his mian zi... he is clever... he has the ability to twist and turn things when he faced embarrassment... for example when he do some wrong things, he will twist and turn and make what he do or say seems right... he also have the ability to twist and turn things to find reason for not doing somethings...

whaever it is.. he just don't admit his mistakes and he is simply forever right... even if he apologise, his tone will still be so unwilling...

~*not to the second HIM*~

he changed... i can say nothing much... he now is just concern about his own stuff and not others... selfish, but not totally... don't know what to say le

.::SYF::.

~*work hard not just for the sake of gold with merit*~

~*but also for the sake of our reputation*~

Maybe to the other CCAs, the Syf is only a competition for the sake of getting a gold... but i believe that in the mind of all the nan hua dancers... gold with merit maybe important, but the unity, the reputation, the bond formed worth much more...

giving up and missing practices simply for the sake of schoolwork problem is not a good excuse... say that reason to a senior and get shouted in the face (not that bad actually)... always remember the fact that you are not the only one going through a these things... nhds dancers around you too are going through the same things as you... if they can do it, you can do it too...

the mini choir, brotherhood pump, hei-hei-hei-OS, jie mei gang and hei-hei-hei-ha bring in laughter... much much more laughter than wad i heard in last SYF... high morale... high spirits... things will then go well

all those practices like BBQing feet, keep on diaoing and diaoing had actually became a source of laughter too... laughing at the funny way these practices are phrased... modern learning cultural dance and vice versa casued jokes too... haha... example... Si Aun...

Maybe to some other people in the school... what we had achieved for the school for the past few years are just golds, silvers and DANCE OF THE YEAR and nothing else le... all other CCAs are also giving the school pieces of metal... but i can tell you... to all the Nan Hua Dancer... what they got in return is not just golds or silver or any other things... but oso the most treasured thing in the world... friendship and bond... a bond that will stay with you forever... whether you are still in NHDS or not... because i believe in...

~*ONCE A NAN HUA DANCER*~

~*FOREVER A NAN HUA DANCER*~

as i had said... it is just less than 30 days away... just a bit more and we will get all the things that we want... hang on no matter how tiring it can be... for what you will get in return will be much more than what you are putting in now...

let other people in the school know that we deserve the privilledges and let them know that 'investing' in us is worth it...

~*the route maybe long and tiring*~

~*but the companionship urge you to continue moving on*~

~*the end may seem far and dangerous*~

~*but it will turn out to be something sweet*~

~*it is not far...*~

~*all you need is a committed heart*~

.::SYF++sec3 boys::.

~*serious or not...*~

~*dey know the time*~

tat has always been my mindset... the curret sec3 batch may be playful... but mind u... hee... when they are serious, dey can be VERI serious... and i realli mean veri...

to sum ppl... mayb i m jux like tat another person... hu i shall not name... but i jus haf the feeling tat... the current sec3 batch are jux not tat bad aft all...

ever since sec1... i sort of watch dem grow... from short became tall... from shorts became long pants... haha... iz kinda furnni... iz rite tat they are still quite immatured... but they haf matured alot...

haha... i tink the most furni ting of all is the fact tat i actualli mixed wif them... mi no longer treated as a gal animore...**BROTHERHOOD ROX** if u insist... haha... i mixed wif dem... know wad dose Os, SMM stuff means... haha... quite the lame... but iz fun...

i cant deny the fact tat dey brought laughter to NHDS... haha... but trouble... poking the pole from hall 2 to canteen in old campus... haha... alot more stupid stuff... like switching off mains to cause part of the sch to black out for a while... YAYA... all these are stupid tings done by these batch... but...iz still furni

sumtimes i tink... mayb they will nv learn... but i realise tat dey do... haha... especialli yin chong... haha... requested him to stop doing sumtings like shouting sum name... he actualli undstd the situation and didnt shout...shocked to c sum ppl like the few slackers to be serious at times too...

in the midst of hanging around wif dem...i realise tat dey dun draw a clear line btw junior senior... sumting good yet bad at times.. but nevertheless... dey are still greats friends hu u can tok to... i m refering to the sensible ones of course...haha

next time mi try to do brotherhood pump wif dem..haha.. of course gals style...

to ppl hu are oso trying to protect dis batch, plx realise tat ix worth it...dey will learn

to the sec3 batch... plx... dun disappoint us... make wad we haf done worth it... and spread the msg to other sec3s batch hu dun cum online and read blogs one hor... tell dem to act like 15!!! stop acting like 13!!! no offence

to the junior of sec3s...egsec2and sec1??? dun try to copy the sec3s... u will forever oli learn the bad tings of them and nv learn the good... haha... no offence... ur learn their stupid shoutings but nv learn and realise the fact tat dey are serious at the rite time... DEY DUN PLAY ALL THE TIME!!! hahaha

~*the line between us is not clear*~

~*but it sure is one colourful line*~

.::wwad title should i put?::.

~*i dun realli know wad i m tinking now*~

~*do i still wan her as a friend?*~

u know... i sort of have no choice... the more i read her blog... the more upset i feel... dun realli know y... but sumting jux stirred up... she jux dunno how to appreciate wadx in her life tat make her life so beautiful and not as ugly as she tout it is....

tings r not appropriate to say... but sumhow i jux tout tat she... **dunno wad to say**

mayb ur tout tat i hang out too much wif tat hu... den got influenced... but i can tell u tats not realli the truth... partially mayb... but it jux add on and u know the feeling whereby i found sumone hu undstd wad i m tinking...

mayb i m the happy-go-lucky type... i heck care omost everyting in my life wich includes my o lvl... except mayb dance and my dog... mayb tatx the reason y i can no longer stand her... i used to dun really wan to tok to her and another gal... cox i dunno how to help dem.. i m forever at a lost wif regards to consoling sumone... i dun realli like to hang out wif the two in the past... cox i m tireed of trying to cheer dem up... i forgot h0w i became friends wif them... wen we seems to be from two diff world... in their world everyting is bad bad bad and bad... but inm,ine... everyting jux heck care heck care and heck care... **mayb tatx the reason y i cant realli stand her and get upset when i read her blog**

wad shd i say? mayb i should oso heck care... as usual... aniway... tatx wad i m doing now...

~*i realli wish to wake her up...*~

~*i realli wish to rescue her from her dark side of her world..*~

~*to tat bright side wic she didnt choose to appreciate*~

.::slacking::.

~*should i juz waste my time away?*~

~*or should i study?*~

hee... i m slacking here lahx... no school... no study... nuting... my mother dun seem bothered by it... wad can she do even if she is... i wun go acjc...hee... bad mi...

i wan to find a job... so ani job... plx contact mi.... until march holidays... haha.,.. i dun realli tink i will get one... but i will jux get one for my mama to c... in case she damn bu shuang...

i tink i will get scoldings again dis month... my mama is going to cancel my fone i tink... exceed by tons... die die le... but i realli cant help it... ***excuses and excuses and excuses**** haha.. wadever

yaya.... ytd quarrelled wif jeremy... hee... misundstanding or i pms? haha... i dunno lahx... i tink i pms.,.. but i realli heard him implying sumting tat pissed mi off... wadever... tings end le lahx... so dun tok abt it les... haha...

.::RESULT::.

~*the last time i put on my uniform...*~

~*i tink*~

got back my result today... haha... not veri bad but not veri good... why cant u get one mark less? my mama asked... hehe... go ask cambridge... haha

11 is not bad lahx.,.. but not veri good in 402... alot ppl got single digit...

ok... for my case now huh... i intend to slack till after march holidays... tat means dun go sch... quit AC lahx...

AC is not a bad sch... but in my case... iz bad for my future... to mi... ac is a sch whereby u can pon veri ezily... so if i go there... i everyay will haf poning touts... so better nox...

and i tink SA quite cool.... hehe... i tink i will go dere... if i m not wrong... i got bus to go from cck to sa... so y nox?

aniway... i m so into knitting dese days... mayb ur will c mi going around wif wools and needlees... haha

.::cH|nGaY rOx::.

if ani ppl happened to see my blog accidentally, pls go and enjoy urself on the last day of chingay... iz starting at bukit gombak stadium at 6.30, ending at taman jurong... haha...

~*iz not the performance*~

~*iz the company before and after*~

okies chingay was damn fun... although iz so long ago le... but iz super fun... aniway... mi and jialing *not nhss one* went on the 27th parade... haha... veri fun... but veri hot ah... the float damn warm.... the pei jia nu costume make tings worse... veri chio rite? but iz bad... we sat in the float and sort of smile all the way... smilling all the way is really ok but when u haf tat heavy head set on top of ur head.... iz a torture to ur jaw muscle... hah... we cant even make out a grin when the parade finally end... but aniway... hahh iz fun!!!

we are going again dis cuming sat... haha... from bukit gombak stadium 6.30 to taman jurong...

the performance outside JP was bad... and according to zhongyi, iz not a failure and not a sucess... haha... we learned sumting... but the performance SUX!!! haha... i dun really care... as i had said... iz the company tat counts...

~*Once A Nan Hua Dancer*~

~*Forever A Nan Hua Dancer*~