.::changed me::.

~*what is going on?*~

nothing seems right... again... why cant i just control my mood?

mood swing... why? i dont know... is it because that exams are coming and i am getting more and more busy? is it because i am stuck in trying to end dance? is it because i am having the same problem again? wishing that i never know them...

them... whoever your think they are... cause there are just too many 'them's in my life...coming into my life and leaving as and when they like...just like no one's business... i dont like that feeling...ya... i overlooked those who are always with me... ya... i just dont know how to treasure them...

ever since after holidays... i am super slack... i am not doing anything right... everyone knows that... i am not doing my work like the way i did before the holiday... i am just having those stupid mood swing that i just cant control....

my brain is doing what my heart want...but what can i do?

i am not eating the proper meals... that is bad... i know that... like dozens of people telling me that... but... i just find no appetite how? i dont even know why... life is like super complicated at this moment...

when am i always hit with such a time? such a time at this crucial period?

PW... promos... and every other things pressing down... i am starting to not know which to handle first... i want the lecturers to stop teaching... stop throwing new things at me... i can no longer juggle well...

i just hope to stop school and start revision...i swear i will but do i have a choice?

although i act as though i dont care but deep down i do... why are things already like that when they are being thrown to me? should i be happy? at least thingsare somehow going my way? but then i come to realise that that day will never come...

i start to hate them... hate them for giving me hope and then crashing evrythin down on me... i am not someone who is not sensitive...i am super sensitive...

i hate night time...i hate having to spend tim alone and decide what to do... i hate making decision... can someone out there change me back to what i used to be? someone with lesser masks and someone with a more cheerful character... this is just so wrong... i am starting to doubt whether this is what i want of myself...i am starting to boubt whether i will be happier which way...

i have a whole lot of things to write... to say... but i have no where to do it... no one appropriate to talk to...i am used to bing the listener... you talk i listen...

people called and talk to me... i have no idea how to handle... i feel like a failure...a goner...
i tried to pull them out of their slumps... in the end i got myself in... not knowing how to pull myself out... i think the way to get out is just like what i told them... wait and let time tell the answer...

i trust my tarots, my palm, my eyelids, my horoscope too much... i trust them to tell me what i will expect next...whether it is good or bad... although things are not always accurate... but most of the time they are... and now should i continue to trust them?

~*someone out there please change me*~
~*change me back to the one whom i use to know*~
~*the one typing things here is no longer jieyim*~
~*should i cry?*~