.::Stand Alone::.

I am back to whatever the way things are one month ago... I no longer wanna decide or choose.

After all the talking last night, while i was lying in bed, i thought that it will be nice if one of them or me get knock down and die so that i dont have to decide.

And it wasnt good to fall asleep with a blocked nose and wake up with swollen eyes.

There are many things that i wanted to say, wanted to share but then i realise that everything that ever came out from my mouth are only right at that particular moment and the next minute, everything will be different le. So i dont want to comment anymore.

And i dont need anymore comments. Maybe its both not love afterall and just plain 坏习惯 that i should change.

& someone important, someone not
% someone comfortable with, someone not
& someone matured, someone not
% someone who saw the kiddish side of me, someone who didnt
& someone in the same world, someone not
% someone i felt like hugging last night, but not the other someone
& someone who made me cry because of a few songs
% someone who made me felt so appreciated that i just feel like crying
&/% one i felt nice holding hands with but just that is being overly protective, one holds my hand only at the right time but just that it dont felt that right or comfortable like the way i held jd or the other one
&/% hoping to faster go home after every 'date' with either one, only once that i dont feel like going home
&/% thought and thinking of both but missing no one
&/% enjoy the life now, but wanting to go back to the old me, so things would not be so complicated now

Maybe these kind of things cannot be compared. How to be with someone you feel comfortable with and yet cannot stand his character or some of his behaviour and how to be with someone whom you know life will be weird and different without him caring for you and yet it dint felt right as a couple?

I always believe that there are things in life that can never be explained... things like Love, you can never explain why you can fall for someone and love him with all your might despite him being a very bad guy.

Sometimes you can never explain why you can love and need someone so much but just something that was missing or wrong.

someone who made up a big part of my life 2 years ago told me, maybe its time to not think so much and just settle down and work hard for my career.

On what grounds can i make the one important stay in my life and how to get the one that i felt comfortable with to become someone that i enjoyed being with?

So now its back to the same thing with something extra, to choose or not to choose, to stay or to leave their lives.

Dont choose, so to stay or to leave.

.::End of 2008::.

So, like i always want to do, i want to type all the happenings in the year of 2008 out... Lets see if i can really complete it.

Moving away from 2007 and into 2008 was a good thing for me, because, if i am correct, 2007 wasnt a really good year for the dragons... oh whatever.. Had a bad experience in 2007 year end and was getting tired of life and the way things are in my life...

The year kicked off rather well, with new year, chingay and everything as per normal. Joined the PA group for their Chingay item and to me, that meant something... although i do hope to join back our own group but it still nice to get the chance to dance with the PA people and get to know people like Munirah...

Then i finally got a new HP for my sister and me!!! it meant alot too, to be able to get something not just for me, but also for my sister... C=

Then on one faithful night, Mr Low called me and drop me a bomb. that is to go china for an exchange programme... totally dint know how to say no and i m glad that i dint reject that...

Went around shopping for formal wear as the dress code was freaking crazy... and to me, it was a chance to go away from singapore, away from my life and to let me find out what i really want...

the forget-how-many-days there were crazy and i met new friends, friends that i missed so much after returning from the trip...

we went to alot of places during the trip and we did crazy things like singing K till wee hours the lasst few nights and i will never forget the BBQ food and the smelly tofu that made me suffer for days... haas

And from the trip, i get to meet someone who changed my life, someone who really took me to where i am now and someone who let me meet another important person in my life.

the trip to china made me realise that i dont need to live my life the way i used to live. i can make changes to make it more fruitful...

I made 3 major changes to my life then, half a year ago...
-I quit my job

-i left him

-i stop going to dance

thanks to him, i got the big big winnie the pooh that i always wanted... the next few times are just time and effort spent on getting Eb ready for ISO audit... Working till 1 plus in the morning and making things turn out well give a sense of satisfactory but at the same time, brought more argument into my life...

when i made up my mind to change job, i got someone who is unwilling to accept, someone who is merely accepting and not understanding because he can do nothing to change my mind... but it all ended the way i want it to...

upon ISO certification, we had a company dinner and that was the first company dinner ever... :) for me... and then i remember whatever that Mr Low said when we were inside the theatre, how he want to go into events since most of us are interested and how i know that it is too late, because i have committed to EB...

i did an evil thing to JD, i initiated the breakup on our anniversary.. maybe he did put in an effort to try to make me stay but him not being able to understand is bad enough... i think i put in all i can for this relationship le... if it is going to end, there is also nothing i can do and i just felt so taken for granted then that i decide it is time to let go...

i spent the night of the breakup with joyce and lawrence in east coast and had gelare at E!Hub while we are waiting for the workers to be done with work...

Then come my birthday, i remember how i was brought to have steamboat in town and how i went home to see a birthday cake. Oh man, at that time, birthday cakes are my love!

I quitted officially on 05 Aug 2008 with many many problems and unhappiness that were not voiced out. For the next 3 weeks, i continue to receive phone calls on questions but i am just so not willing to help... i wonder how i manage in the first place with no one to turn to, and yet she is jsut asking me every single bloody question...

then after working in EB, i met new people like MAK KWONG SOON, Kangwei, Qiugui, Victor, Peter, Ya Oo, etc.

nice people and more friends although some of them are more related at work...

Then came NDP, the last thing taht i ever want to be involved in and i met someone who helped me thru time when i was trying to find someone to talk to. RK Lee. someone whom i last met during NDP, someone whom i still manage to keep in contact with...

After NDP and after times spent in the office, before i got used to everything, Lawrence kim flew off to USA for an inspection job... this was one of the toughest time, where by i suppose i have went thru alot without him and with Mr Kim... how we survived with just mr kim driving, how we survived with Kangwei, and Zhiyan's help in driving... I am gladful for the 2 months that he was away though, it gave me a chance to be independent and truely knows and understand how the company works and i believe that things did changed abit in those 2 months...

But during those 2 months, alot of things happened too... i went for my SSSC course and completed it without even studying for it and during that period of critical time, trying to juggle between work and SSSC, my grandma passed away, someone who never was important to me but her depart made me realise that she actually meant alot... so much taht it made me miss her for months... then came the time after that, was the Industrial first aid course and something i took pride in happened...

I was the only girl in the whole class and i managed to pass the course with full marks in theory!!! some big achievement... haha... totally praised and had a sense of achievement!!! C=

the next big thing will be Lawrence coming back and me passing my driving test with 18 demerit points... and something stupid happened... after applying for my license, i left my IC in UBI!!! freak and i was only aware of it when i reached clementi or something...

crap... and i went back 2 days later and on one faithful day that i drove a new van, i scratched the bumper and pui... argh. it was a new van!!! crap...

then as the days go along, many many things happened that i dont feel like penning them down... not now... the countless times that i end up saying sorry, the happy times, the everything, not able to find a balance then...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! C=

not everything is here but i just dont feel like typing anymore...

.::Up coming long post::.

this year, i decide to post all the happenings for 2008 in my blog and end my year well

it was a well spent and exciting year for me! Will start to type after christmas, after i manage to finish all the prezzie... omg... this is crazy.

and i am broke, no money for dear dear prez. argh. kill me please

OH NO

.::Something in life::.

that was a random title because this is just a random entry that i really dont know what to really put into.

things are going the wrong way now, because of me, i was the stupid one.

there are somethings that i just dont want to explain now, somethings that have not much explanation at all.

.::The start of the Story::.

hi all, i feel its time to share my story of how i got together with him.
Sometimes, there are just somethings that cant really be put into words. We experienced the kind of comfort, ease and peace with each other, how everything felt so right when we are with each other.

There are soemtings that can never be explained and this is one kind of situation.

How things come to where we are now cannot be explained. I think people agreed that someone else really did alot but somehow the connection was not there or should i say, the connection/feeling came at the wrong time.

I remember how i used to look at him with other girls after i broke up half a year ago. How i thought that this is someone nice and treat me good and how we know what each other want and think. Then it came to this point in time whereby i convinced myself that i am not that kind of girl that will attract him and then i grew out of it.

I remember how i used to tell my ex that there can only be one relationship between me and someone else at one point of time. and slowly i grew out of it.

Maybe i am just being insensitive or whatever shit you call that. i can only say, i dint expect all these.

No one will understand whatever that happened that day when we went out the whole day on one particular sunday. How we realise that there are so many things that we agree on, so many things that we felt the same, so many things that felt so right, and how comfy it felt for someone who are going out for the first time.

Maybe he cant do that much, maybe he cant bring me around and fulfil all my wishes or dreams, maybe there are just things that someone else can do but he cant, but then that is not important anymore. at this point of time, the connection felt very different.

Never expect myself to be in this kind of situation, just like in a Taiwan drama show. I know it is confusing. all the 'he' and 'someone else' but whatever la, it is not important. i am just wondering when all the waiting will end and someone nice will come along for him.

Blogging from chalet with my dear dear's lappy!!! C=

.::Days ahead::.

Alot of things happened recently came as a surprise, a shock to me. Not really the way that i have expected it to turn out to be.

I have made a decision, come to a conclusion. This is what i want, I am happy now.

But to those that are affected by our selfish decision, sorry. The harm wasnt inflicted intentionally.

Chalet over the weekend! Looking forward to it!

.::Planning something ahead::.

planning for saturday!!! haha