Bad things

JieYim just have to admit that she is plainly just faster at posting bad stuff and unhappy things as compared to the good and happy ones...

Lets recap... for the first time, someone around me passed away was 25th September 2008. i dont really know how to cry... it just weird when the funeral came to and end and you reaslise that whatever happened is for real and that you no longer have a grandma... and i still remember visiting my grandmother, she was still ok and talking about discharging although things she said dont really make sense as usual... just like a kid... and my dad lost his mother like that...

then come the next that was a shock was somewhere near the end of december, really near to new year, i lost an aunt, my mum's eldest sister... not someone close as she stayed real far and at that point of time, i have more than enough trouble on hand for me to handle than to be there for my mother... i still remember visiting my aunt in the hospital... she was alright then...

then come the next, after 52 days from my aunt's departure, my grandpa left... my mother lost her father and i lost my only grandparent left. i dint feel like crying at all during those few days and like before, until things are about to come to an end, i realise how sad my mother was... i never see her cry so badly before... i still remember how badly she cried then..

and now, yesterday? in less than 14 days, to be exact, 11 days, my mother lost her brother to heart attack... i think my mother is crying in bed now... thinking about whatever that happened the past few months...

i think she will cry again on wed... he was the one closer to her, other than her younger sister... the brother whom she stayed with before getting married...

maybe i should be thankful that there was someone there beside him to pull the handbrake of the car when he collapse... maybe it is all arranged and fated... with all the sufferings coming to an end...

even my mother's cousins feel the pain... i saw the tear in their eyes when they told me how he passed away... i miss their smiles suddenly...

i am tired.

.::End of 2008::.

So, like i always want to do, i want to type all the happenings in the year of 2008 out... Lets see if i can really complete it.

Moving away from 2007 and into 2008 was a good thing for me, because, if i am correct, 2007 wasnt a really good year for the dragons... oh whatever.. Had a bad experience in 2007 year end and was getting tired of life and the way things are in my life...

The year kicked off rather well, with new year, chingay and everything as per normal. Joined the PA group for their Chingay item and to me, that meant something... although i do hope to join back our own group but it still nice to get the chance to dance with the PA people and get to know people like Munirah...

Then i finally got a new HP for my sister and me!!! it meant alot too, to be able to get something not just for me, but also for my sister... C=

Then on one faithful night, Mr Low called me and drop me a bomb. that is to go china for an exchange programme... totally dint know how to say no and i m glad that i dint reject that...

Went around shopping for formal wear as the dress code was freaking crazy... and to me, it was a chance to go away from singapore, away from my life and to let me find out what i really want...

the forget-how-many-days there were crazy and i met new friends, friends that i missed so much after returning from the trip...

we went to alot of places during the trip and we did crazy things like singing K till wee hours the lasst few nights and i will never forget the BBQ food and the smelly tofu that made me suffer for days... haas

And from the trip, i get to meet someone who changed my life, someone who really took me to where i am now and someone who let me meet another important person in my life.

the trip to china made me realise that i dont need to live my life the way i used to live. i can make changes to make it more fruitful...

I made 3 major changes to my life then, half a year ago...
-I quit my job

-i left him

-i stop going to dance

thanks to him, i got the big big winnie the pooh that i always wanted... the next few times are just time and effort spent on getting Eb ready for ISO audit... Working till 1 plus in the morning and making things turn out well give a sense of satisfactory but at the same time, brought more argument into my life...

when i made up my mind to change job, i got someone who is unwilling to accept, someone who is merely accepting and not understanding because he can do nothing to change my mind... but it all ended the way i want it to...

upon ISO certification, we had a company dinner and that was the first company dinner ever... :) for me... and then i remember whatever that Mr Low said when we were inside the theatre, how he want to go into events since most of us are interested and how i know that it is too late, because i have committed to EB...

i did an evil thing to JD, i initiated the breakup on our anniversary.. maybe he did put in an effort to try to make me stay but him not being able to understand is bad enough... i think i put in all i can for this relationship le... if it is going to end, there is also nothing i can do and i just felt so taken for granted then that i decide it is time to let go...

i spent the night of the breakup with joyce and lawrence in east coast and had gelare at E!Hub while we are waiting for the workers to be done with work...

Then come my birthday, i remember how i was brought to have steamboat in town and how i went home to see a birthday cake. Oh man, at that time, birthday cakes are my love!

I quitted officially on 05 Aug 2008 with many many problems and unhappiness that were not voiced out. For the next 3 weeks, i continue to receive phone calls on questions but i am just so not willing to help... i wonder how i manage in the first place with no one to turn to, and yet she is jsut asking me every single bloody question...

then after working in EB, i met new people like MAK KWONG SOON, Kangwei, Qiugui, Victor, Peter, Ya Oo, etc.

nice people and more friends although some of them are more related at work...

Then came NDP, the last thing taht i ever want to be involved in and i met someone who helped me thru time when i was trying to find someone to talk to. RK Lee. someone whom i last met during NDP, someone whom i still manage to keep in contact with...

After NDP and after times spent in the office, before i got used to everything, Lawrence kim flew off to USA for an inspection job... this was one of the toughest time, where by i suppose i have went thru alot without him and with Mr Kim... how we survived with just mr kim driving, how we survived with Kangwei, and Zhiyan's help in driving... I am gladful for the 2 months that he was away though, it gave me a chance to be independent and truely knows and understand how the company works and i believe that things did changed abit in those 2 months...

But during those 2 months, alot of things happened too... i went for my SSSC course and completed it without even studying for it and during that period of critical time, trying to juggle between work and SSSC, my grandma passed away, someone who never was important to me but her depart made me realise that she actually meant alot... so much taht it made me miss her for months... then came the time after that, was the Industrial first aid course and something i took pride in happened...

I was the only girl in the whole class and i managed to pass the course with full marks in theory!!! some big achievement... haha... totally praised and had a sense of achievement!!! C=

the next big thing will be Lawrence coming back and me passing my driving test with 18 demerit points... and something stupid happened... after applying for my license, i left my IC in UBI!!! freak and i was only aware of it when i reached clementi or something...

crap... and i went back 2 days later and on one faithful day that i drove a new van, i scratched the bumper and pui... argh. it was a new van!!! crap...

then as the days go along, many many things happened that i dont feel like penning them down... not now... the countless times that i end up saying sorry, the happy times, the everything, not able to find a balance then...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! C=

not everything is here but i just dont feel like typing anymore...

.::Hide Me Away::.

I am tired and exhausted all of a sudden. Maybe because i suddenly realise that there arent much goal for me in life at the moment. or maybe i am just tired of the lifestyle now. hope i feel better after the holiday.

Yesterday night, wanted to Mahjong but reckon that i better dont go in case i get barred from there forever. and people are out enjoying dinner with their families but me, alone at home, eating corn flake and watching tv, ALONE. then daddy came home. asked if he wanted a drink but i realise he is as usual, drunk, and started to haolian about his red wine at the door while taking off his boots and smoking. so argh, i gave up the idea of drinking with him.

then after contacting the usual guy, i realise another really really drunk guy. CHO KAI SIANG. he is drunk like dont know what la. Apparently, he is in camp, drinking. hmm. and he had a shot of whisky, and 4 cans of beer before the first call that we made. then by the time i called him for the second time, he sounded more drunk and i realise he had about 5 cans le. -.- then during the last call, he hang up without finishing whatever he is trying to say and can tell that he totally cannot make it le.

then met up with Lau. savior lor. really. haha. went out for supper or rather, my dinner. had wu xiang. but i am just so bored with life la. after eating, went to 7 eleven. I WANT TO DRINK! so i got a bourbon coke. so sweet. -.- ok, maybe that will be the last time i drink that. but its still ok, other than being too sweet. Lau end up not drinking anything. -.-

then walk to the park, talk and talk and then jiu go home le. sian. go home, attempt to do cross stitch. i feel so lousy, only 275ml of 8% and i feel abit tipsy but i manage to get home and get a good night sleep.

this morning, i woke up and i stepped into a puddle of urine in my room!

Poor Carrot, apparently, my sister let her into my room and because today is a Saturday, no one wakes up early so no one open the door for carrot to go out at around 5 or 6 early in the morning so she couldnt go out to her loo. My parents heard scratching and knocking early in the morning but they dint open the door for her, cause they dint expect that she is inside. and according to my mama, when she woke up to charge her hp, carrot stop all the knocking and scratching, maybe she thought my mama will open the door for her. but no one did! and so she urinated in my room at a corner that would not dirty anything. poor girl.

so no one bear to scold her. and for this afternoon, i dont know what i should do

people ask me go out, ask me go dinner, ask me go zoo, ask me go mahjong, ask me go chit chat. but i dont know which one to choose so i rejected all. i feel so bad. but i am feeling tired. i think i need a sleep and i am feeling weird now.

things that happened during the funeral kept coming back to my mind. something that i know i should stop thinking. was talking to my mama that day. i asked her if she got think of her. it has been a month. how is everyone coping, i dont know. life still goes on. we like it or not, it still does. she is no longer there and there is nothing we can do about it.

i remember how she look at the hospital during her last week and her last moment, how she can still joke with us and how she want to play mahjong, but fear kept her away, how she struggle at the last fewhours, how she cry, how red her eyes were when we asked if she was waiting for her sister. how everyone crowd around her, taking turns to see her, talk to her, how my uncles and aunties kept trying to tell her to go on and move on after seeing how she struggle. i remember how some of my auntiees and cousins cried the moemnet she is gone. i remember how everyone walked out when i came back after sending an old lady downstairs. i knew something was wrong. i remember how i went down to wait for another auntie and how i came back to see no heartbeat. i remember how we were told to not cry, i remember how we stood at the corridor and decide on the funeral, i remember how i rush to Batok the next morning, how i rush back to work and then back to batok again, i regret not getting to see her, i remember seeing her hand from afar, i remember how she look in the past when she is still in the pink of health. i remember how all the cousins got together, i remember how we work together those nights, i remember how we took turn to do things, how we get together to gossip, how we did all the rituals during the last night, how i cried, how people start to cry, how i cry and how the guys tried to stop us from crying, how we still work, how we went early the next morning, how we did what we could again for her, how we gather around to see the house, how we went through rituals again and how everyone start to cry again, how we try to not cry, i remember the moment the coffin was raised by the guys, i remember how everyone broke down. i remember how we walked and how cousins are worried for their mama, how i tried to look after the kids, how we walked and board the bus. i will always remember the route that we walked. how we still can talk and joke on bus and how tired some of us were that they fall asleep.
i remember how the place look like, what we did and i remmeber seeing the tears in the eyes of my cousin rolling, someone always happy and full of jokes, i saw those tears, i remmeber how we then move off to the viewing gallery and how the coffin was pushed in, how everyone start to cry again and i remember how that bloody idiot auntie start to take picture. i rmember how everyone walked out, threw away our socks and took off the things that are suppose to be taken off, how we wore our shoes and how we board the bus again. i remember how emo i was, how irritated i was then on board the bus, with the driver and someone's friend HAPPILY CHIT CHATTING AWAY! i remember how irritated i was, i remember how the few of us on the bus remain very quiet. i remember how we washed ourselves after reaching batok, i remember how we climb the steps up to the hosue and how we prayed again for her to come back to her new house, i remmeber how we went doen and have lunch and i rmember how everyone is ok with everything. then i remember seeing my tired parents at home and i remember playing with my cousins that night, and i remember how emo i got towards the end, cos i realise, everything is over, and she is really gone.

i will remember TTSH forever and i will avoid Novena, cause the moement i go there, i will remember that TTSH is nearby and i will remember i lost my grandma there before.

the one who hardly dotes on me, the one who came over and took care of me the old chinese way when i was very very sick, the one who took me to the hospital to see my cousins when i was young, the one who came to my house and taught me how and where to sweep, the one who came to my house and taught me how to mop, the one who came to my house and kept away all my soft toys, the one who took us and compared with our cousins, the one who i call ah ma, the one comes and stay with us for a few weeks and i remember how she always like me to be home cause i will talk to her, the one who cook nice sweet potato leaves, the one who cook nice but oily food, the one who my doggies likes to play with, the one who have a smile that has only one tooth, the old lady who have difficulty in biting but still bite, the one who gave birth to 18 children, the one who gave me a big family, the one who gave me so many cute cousins, the one who came over and stay during the last newyear, the one who made my house crowded during the new year, the one who dont like to sleep at night, the one who never like to admit that she is tired, the one whom i tried to do an address change for, the one who i missed. dearly.

This is Life.

.::Even if no one reads::.

I just realise no one read my blog, or maybe the people just dont tag cause i dont reply.

hmm. anyway, that is not really important.

This morning, i went to The Revenue House for a briefing on GST.

Not that i dont what and how to claim GST, but just that i HAVE to go.

anyway, i start to not like the place. even going pass that place, i dont like.

things happened a month ago. i cant imagine she is really gone.

and i just realise something last night

My uncle seems to be the owner of the Ten Dollar Club. -.-

你看到了吗?

我们都过得很好

我们没有吵架

笑着想你

你过得好吗?

开心吗?

二十八天了

我还是会想起你

我还是舍不得

有时还会想哭

我想大家都是这样的活着

不断地想起你

谢谢你留在我的记忆里

.::My weekend::.

The weekend was rather well spent. Other than mahjonging and playing around, it was a nice time for me to start everything all over again.

First, Friday night, was suppose to go swimming but oh well, was pangseh by people and end up just laying around in my cousin's house.

I totally forget what we did but i know in the end i went home without nothing much done after the guys come back.

And i spent the night doing cross stitch. something nice and relaxing and not much brain cells exhausted in the process.

Then it is work the next morning as usual and i swear i look like a panda. After working and driving for 3 hours, i went home for a good sleep in the living room. haha.
When i was about to fall asleep, my dear mama called and she mistook me as Ah Chun~!!! WTH. but anyway, after i end the call, i saw my darling Carrot enjoying her sleep on my pillow and pui her. even after me putting my head on her body, she still dont want to move away. rarr~!

but anyway, i went over for my Mahjong session with them as usual and after one whole round, we decide that maybe it is time for dinner at 9 plus. haha. and to think that we actually walked all the way to Lot one for fast food and in the end settled down at KFC.

hmm. i was extremely loud on the way home as usual.

AND we played till 1 am in the stuffy kitchen. -.- with Ah Pui being the entertainer and making everyone laugh.

and then Sunday was to driving lesson after sleeping till noon and then to Kallang for dance. (will touch more later) and then was back to their house and SEE them play mahjong. ~!@#$%^$%^&*
then was dinner at 10pm and then we went home.

hmm. i forgot when or where but i realise that i am missing her more than anything. It has been 20 over days and i am still feeling something whenever i thought of her.

i never know that there will be someone that will make me feel this way other than him. she is someone where, happy, in the company of the others whom she have always missed.

Someone told me that there is actually something that we should not have execute a few years ago. it just lead her to her end faster. but anyway, everything have come to an end, and i believe we are all enjoying whatever that she had brought for us.

Her death bought us closer. she let us have the chance to interact and play together and work together and until now, unlike in the past, we are meeting up more than once each week.

Whatever that is happening now are things that i used to believe as something impossible but it is all going on well now. i hope to make everything last.

and then went back to dance. there are things that it is difficult to put into words for others to understand. i am not heartless, and sometimes, it is just a matter of choice that made me choose to do something and not the other.

it is not that the passion is not there, it is just plain tired of things and nothing that i do can change things so sometimes running away seems easier and better, for me.

Nothing much about work these days as the market is really quiet.

however, time pass rather fast today as i do out all the invoicing and stuff.

i enjoyed it when there is alot of work! C=

Enjoying my Uncle Quaker Baked Apple Granola Bar after a busy morning and Jieyim is attempting to go on DIET!!!

It is not really a boring life now. it is just an excuse to get more attention.

i have interesting foreign workers in the office, maybe other than 2 who likes to stare at me. -.-

EMO-ing when i dont have anyone to sms.
EMO-ing when i have nothing to do at work.

it was a good time spent and hmm, dun bring the hopes too high.

.::HAPPY YESTERDAY::.

haha. had a happy day yesterday. lets list them out one by one. C=

Early morning, i was kept rather busy. or rather, i dont remember whatever that i did. then came the call telling me that the new workers will be coming in. haha.
after that, everyone came back and they start to clean up the place. its great to see all of them working together, maybe other than a few of them that i dont really give a shit to anymore. the rest joke and play through everything and i like that kind of feeling! and they tried to reorganise everything yet AGAIN.
i predict EVERYTHING will be in a mess in less than 2 weeks. ahaha.

then i made a call to Absolute Kinetics and i got the good news! i passed my supervisor course! haha. HAPPY! C=

then some stupid jokes were been shared and HAHA. something about me going into a tank and coming out only 1 week later. -.-

and went on to briefing and we were talking about safety about looking at where you are walking and not fall into a manhole or something. then the stupid tank joke came up again.
and we are been constantly reminded about kumar and his $150 fine. haha

then went off for my first aid course. haha. CPR was scary because the instructor was very angry.
but when it is my turn, i was praised for knowing my procedure. and it feels great when you are the only lady there. i feel that the instructor is biased though

then while the instructor is concentrating on the other's CPR, we tried out our bandage and when i have done mine, and showed to the instructor, i end up looking at other 'classmates'. then was guiding them until the instructor direct them to me, for me to teach them how to hide the fingers in.

okok. haolian haolian.

wadever.

then i had a pack of fries when i was walking home and MAN, that spoils my day! the fries are rather undercook and i had a bad time biting them. but i finished it nonetheless.

someone told me 'you seem happier with your new job' and i said yes, i am really happier.
and we went on to talk about some blur people that i choose to not mention here. YES YOU ARE BLUR.

who can i turn to to let them know that i am not like that? now i know what kind of person you really is. i should have thought all this through a long time ago.

and i caught the hint. and i think it is all getting obvious.

i went to ah ma house. and hmm. its 21 days le.

.::HELLO::.

JIEYIM IS HERE TO BLOG AGAIN

more and more people are not picking up my calls le. and its making me sad. hmm.

but anyway about my weekend, it is rather well spent la.

haha. i was suppose to go my cousin's house on friday night but seeing that it is my dad's birthday and my mummy will be at home, i said no to her AGAIN. i think she sad sad de.

hmm. went to enjoy our free sundae from Swensen and we met this super familiar manager that i suppose was my nanny's niece or something. but anyway, thats not important.

i crave for brewwarks' cheese sticks. they are the best. oops. i am not sure if i got the name correct. haha. iz that pub next to Igauna. C=

anyway, the cheese sticks at Swensen was DISAPPOINTING and yucky.

went to walk around in NTUC and also attempted to get shoes but everything FAIL!!!

we went to the pet shop thinking of getting a new dog for ME. and we end up buying a dried piggy ear for Carrot. it is really dried PIGGY EAR!!! at least thats what the shop owner claim it to be.

it was suppose to last long but our naughty clever dog finished it in less than an hour.!!!! we couldnt believe it and even resort to searching high and low in the house for it.

oh ya, after the pet shop, we were comtemplating if we should walk home. haha. but ultimately, due to some shit personal reasons, we end up taking 190 home. so be it.

upon reaching home, i also forget what i did.

on saturday, i chiong to quite a few places. -.-

i went to work and after that, my boss drove me to the stadium at Jurong West. haha. i passed them the PSP FINALLY. and we went to jurong point after that.

i was darn drowsy from the cough medicine the whole day or maybe i am really just tired. haha. and after having lunch with them, i took 172 home to cousin's house. haha.

i slept all the way and walked dreamily to the block. and downstairs, i happen to see Ah Huat and this time round, i din overshot the unit. -.-

had dinner at their house before going out to get sweettalk then to play badminton..

had a crazy night. really crazy. crazy beyond description. haha.

and after a long night, we went home and i attempt to watch the documentary but the medicine make me doze off every now and then. so no choice, bamb. i sleep like a pig after that

should i go to class tonite? hmmm...

why are things the way they are now? -.- =C

looking forward to chalet!!! C=

ohya, the tap in office just leak again and the guys just came back from van pushing. the van and lorry are taking turns to break down. OMG.

oh ya, i dreamt of her again. this time round, puking blood and very sickly in the bed.

.::SICK::.

JIE YIM IS SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK

all thanks to me being stubborn about getting a drink.

and so i did, i drown down a 500ml of Carlsburg and *poof* i woke up with a damn jialat sore throat. i thought beer is suppose to be cooling?!

hmm. i did drown down 500ml of water before i sleep, i bet that minimise the impact/damage.

ok, did i mention that i had fries again yesterday night? =s haha. maybe thats the reason why i am half dead here.

thinking if i should apply for half day leave on Saturday. hahaha.

maybe i will.

there goes my swimming plans on friday night. i dont think anyone in the correct mind, in my situation will go swimming. but but but but if i dont swim, jiu not much other chance le leh.

oh poor adi 2 piece swim suit, when was the last time i wear u?

haha. so so looking forward to the chalet. =D i think i will go havoc and become darn crazy la.

but whatever, now the thing top on my list is to recover. recover recover.

no more fries for me tonight and i will leave the beer till next time le. or maybe some kind soul will finish it for me.

better dont be my dad.

OH YA! I get scoldings from my mother EVERY SINGLE MORNING! simply over the fact that i cant wake up on my own. OMG. and by the time she wake me up, its darn late and i will fly to work in cab. i should put a stop to that TOMORROW! C=

hmm. yesterday was the 14th day. hmm. i will remember i have a very cute and funny grandma.

tomorrow is my dad's birthday. hmm. but i doubt he will be at home. he hardly celebrate his birthday.

and i hardly get to see a not-drunk-daddy.

my life is still BORING like before. classes till 9.30pm from monday to thursday, and i am left with FRIDAY! tell me what else i can do?

sianed.

the impossible of the 2, the 2 impossible. hoping and thinking. maybe miracle will happen. stupid me. as usual