~*What did i lose?*~
~*what did i gain?*~

i don't know... things were ok when i made the decision... i decide to stop dancing for the time being until after my promos... i was ok then... but as the time draws near for my decision to be in place, i feel lost... sad and uncertain...

mabe someone out there is thinking that...: jieyim, this girl here is just like some other people who used to be from NHDS... come back and help... simply for the sake of POWER... now she is getting tired of the POWER, she is moving on and never coming back to NHDS anymore...

who understands? i am feeling lost now... maybe you think it is only for show... lost because of the uncertainty... cause i know drifting will occur if i choose to let go temporary... god knows what will happen after this period of time? will things still be the same? will friendship still be the same? i don't think so... i don't have faith in myself... not the people out there...

i want to be there for them now that new things are in place... i am worried... but sometimes i just think that they have to learn... so i should not go back... that is one of the reason bah...

i know it is my choice to stop temporary... people telling me that it is ok one lah... sometimes you juat have to let go for a while... i know that... i know that all along... my brain accepted that but my heart dont... so what can i do? what people are telling me now are things that i expected from them...

maybe i should just be like jeremy... stupid a little bit... dun think so much, dont play mind games and when people console you, you will feel happy... cause they are telling you happier things that you never hear or thought of before... but that is not what i am going through now... i gave things thoughts and i expected what people around me might tel me... so everyhing is just pointless when it comes out from their mouth...

please dont come and ask me to go back to NHDS... i am tired of telling people that i wouldnt go back until after my promos with those kind of serious attitude... cause i know in my heart... it hurts to say those words... it hurts to say NO... i want to go back... i can find reasons to NOT go back but i cant find reasons to go back ...

you dont need a reason to go back... but you need a dozen of reasons to keep you from going back...

dont try to make me cry...

you will never know that feeling until you went through so much with people there... not people from your batch... not just 4 years there but alot more... a few months more is more than enough to let you feel sad...

ok...someone out there may think i am saying all these for show again... think whatever your want... i dont care cause i know this is my blog and i say what i want and what i feel... this is realli how i am feeling now...i juts hope for understanding from people around me who knows me well...

~*there is always somethings you had to let go*~
~*let go for something else*~~*now it is STUDIES over DANCE*~
~*accept it silly HEART*~

++telling myself things will be same after everything...
++telling myself to not go back
++telling myself i am not doing everything for myself only++telling myself to be happy
++telling myself you are doing the right thing
++telling myself to be happy
++my brain says i am doing the right thing but myheart says iam not
++what is this?


NDP rocks... i will miss it... cause i got alot new friends... hor? octopus? haha...
when i visited octopus blog... kind of shocked to see the blog title as octopus... never expect that... cause it was for fun when we started mentioning octopus... maybe she is not refering to me... but i am still glad that we had fun!!!

and to chuyun huh... haha... i will always remember what you say one... eekie words... nope... it is eekie way of saying... haha... memories... i call them memories...

~*thanks for all the laughter*~
~*thanks for cheering me up when i was down*~
~*thanks for the birthday wishes*~
~*thanks for eating the pratas...*~
~*thanks for eating the KFC...*~
~*thanks for eating the ice cream...*~
~*thanks for eating the nasi lemak...*~
~*thanks for eating the dry burgers...*~
~*thanks for eating the CHICKEN PIE...*~
~*thanks for eating the curry puffs...*~
~*thanks for eating the chicken rice...*~
~*thanks for drinking the NEWater...*~
~*thanks for drinking the H2O...*~
~*thanks for drinking the paopao guo dong...*~
~*TOGETHER*~
~*thanks for being there...*~
~*your were there when i was down*~

c=

i will be ok!!!