.::peace please::.

~*indecisive*~
~*me too*~

the same things are just happening again... the way things are repeating... to me, i felt just like

a friend that you turn to when you need company... never the one always there... can i be the one

always there?

sometimes i am thinking... maybe i should be contented with what i have now... but the more i get.

the more i yearn for... the more i hope for, the greater the disappointment... why am i like that or

all people and human on earth are like that...

quote what my mother said... the chinese character for the word ren is so easy to write... just two

strokes... but in real life, how hard it is to be one...

the world is just so full of mystic...

things are always going in circles... even love...

things are coming to an end soon... very soon i hope...

he is leaving my life soon... if things dont get resolved... leaving will be the only way out...

please leave peacefully and give me peace... not trouble...

as for the other one, the more he give, the more i hope for and as i said, the greater the

disappointment...

i am getting sick and tired of everything... everything that is happening...

maybe one day if they dont leave me, i shall leave them and leave the world... that will be the most

extreme case...

i hope that is only something that i said when i am depressed... hope i wouldnt do anthing...

i give up on telling people around me to stop smoking for good le...

since young... that has always been revolving around me... he is always smoking... whenever i tell

him to stop, his answer will always be a NO...

i came to realise that people who smoke actually know that it is not good for them... but they still

choose to do the same thing... so to stop or not to sop will never be determine by me...s o to stop

smoking or not will never be my business unless i smoke...

i am never the best daughter that he ever has... she is always the best... even though she is no

longer calling him 'dad' when he come home... even though she is always throwing temper at him for

his unreasonable acts...

i am always the one who greets him when he come home... even though no one else in the house is

already doing the same thing... i am always the one who try to put up with his unreasonable acts and

try to curb my temper before him... but whatever i do, he never understand... he never appreciate...

the three of us... why cant he just wake up? no one bothers about him anymore... they claimed that

they will never provide for him in future... but still i am trying to do my best to persuade them to

take care of him when he is old... i will take care of him when he is old... but what i get? i am

still not the best daughter he ever has...

not like i die must be the best... but can he at least treat me better or treat the family better

and stop letting his warm face stick to that cold butt of my sister...

he never trust me... once... my cousin claimed that she saw me at JP... when i was still a secondary

one nerdy kid... i never step my foot into JP without my relatives before at that time... but he

just believe what he heard and dont trust me...

he is always saying the same nasty things whenever he see me going out... he want me to behave

myself outside...

dont go out and luan gao... dont let me see you with some guys outside... hello... that is what he

always say... never will it be 'watch out for cars when you cross the road'

to him, i am just one of those potentially flirty girls that he meet outside... someday i may end up

home, PREGNANT... that is what he think... cause girls that he met are all like that...

he never know what a kid want... he never know what HIS kids want...

we never want him home DRUNK... home all BLODDY after a fight with someone... or home with some

trouble or problem with ANOTHER girl...

but that is just what he is always bringing home...

he used to bring home supper or bring me out to shop for groceries...

never... it has been ages since he brought home supper... he never shop for groceries with us

anymore...

what i want is just a simple dad who, the minimum, can provide for the family... his bad temper is

never the problem... i dont mind having a father who whack me up when i do something wrong...

but can he at least pay some respect for me?! i am not like those girls that he meet outside...

she is getting tired... me too... when all my friends are enjoying their childhood... when all my

friends are getting amazed by what their mother getting pregnent really means, i am crying away with

my mother over him having another girl outside...

sometimes i am just thinking...what have i done to deserve all these?

i got a father who never really dotes on his daughter
i got a father who never really care for the family
i got a father who never really trust me
i got a father who never really knows how to treasure what he has

all these are just so bad... so bad that i dont know how to handle except for him leaving my life...

ya... she may be lonely for the rest of her lfe... but i rather her be lonely then having someone

who will make her sad for the rest of her life...

the only thing i can do now is to support her in whatever she do...

she had cried a lot... although i once thought that tears is no longer an option...

sometimes i just hate this home... i dont know how to face him... dont know what more nasty things

he will say or nasty things that he will do...

stop scaring the dog!!!

since i was young, i know that this marriage will never last... cause there is no reason for it to

last...

since i was young, i know that i had a foolish father who will never be faithful... cause there is

no way he will be faithful...

i know i cant hate him... should not hate him... but things are getting out of hand... i can no

longer control...

~*leave my life*~
~*dont give me hope*~
~*give me the real things*~
~*or just simply peace*~