.::Stand Alone::.

I am back to whatever the way things are one month ago... I no longer wanna decide or choose.

After all the talking last night, while i was lying in bed, i thought that it will be nice if one of them or me get knock down and die so that i dont have to decide.

And it wasnt good to fall asleep with a blocked nose and wake up with swollen eyes.

There are many things that i wanted to say, wanted to share but then i realise that everything that ever came out from my mouth are only right at that particular moment and the next minute, everything will be different le. So i dont want to comment anymore.

And i dont need anymore comments. Maybe its both not love afterall and just plain 坏习惯 that i should change.

& someone important, someone not
% someone comfortable with, someone not
& someone matured, someone not
% someone who saw the kiddish side of me, someone who didnt
& someone in the same world, someone not
% someone i felt like hugging last night, but not the other someone
& someone who made me cry because of a few songs
% someone who made me felt so appreciated that i just feel like crying
&/% one i felt nice holding hands with but just that is being overly protective, one holds my hand only at the right time but just that it dont felt that right or comfortable like the way i held jd or the other one
&/% hoping to faster go home after every 'date' with either one, only once that i dont feel like going home
&/% thought and thinking of both but missing no one
&/% enjoy the life now, but wanting to go back to the old me, so things would not be so complicated now

Maybe these kind of things cannot be compared. How to be with someone you feel comfortable with and yet cannot stand his character or some of his behaviour and how to be with someone whom you know life will be weird and different without him caring for you and yet it dint felt right as a couple?

I always believe that there are things in life that can never be explained... things like Love, you can never explain why you can fall for someone and love him with all your might despite him being a very bad guy.

Sometimes you can never explain why you can love and need someone so much but just something that was missing or wrong.

someone who made up a big part of my life 2 years ago told me, maybe its time to not think so much and just settle down and work hard for my career.

On what grounds can i make the one important stay in my life and how to get the one that i felt comfortable with to become someone that i enjoyed being with?

So now its back to the same thing with something extra, to choose or not to choose, to stay or to leave their lives.

Dont choose, so to stay or to leave.

.::End of 2008::.

So, like i always want to do, i want to type all the happenings in the year of 2008 out... Lets see if i can really complete it.

Moving away from 2007 and into 2008 was a good thing for me, because, if i am correct, 2007 wasnt a really good year for the dragons... oh whatever.. Had a bad experience in 2007 year end and was getting tired of life and the way things are in my life...

The year kicked off rather well, with new year, chingay and everything as per normal. Joined the PA group for their Chingay item and to me, that meant something... although i do hope to join back our own group but it still nice to get the chance to dance with the PA people and get to know people like Munirah...

Then i finally got a new HP for my sister and me!!! it meant alot too, to be able to get something not just for me, but also for my sister... C=

Then on one faithful night, Mr Low called me and drop me a bomb. that is to go china for an exchange programme... totally dint know how to say no and i m glad that i dint reject that...

Went around shopping for formal wear as the dress code was freaking crazy... and to me, it was a chance to go away from singapore, away from my life and to let me find out what i really want...

the forget-how-many-days there were crazy and i met new friends, friends that i missed so much after returning from the trip...

we went to alot of places during the trip and we did crazy things like singing K till wee hours the lasst few nights and i will never forget the BBQ food and the smelly tofu that made me suffer for days... haas

And from the trip, i get to meet someone who changed my life, someone who really took me to where i am now and someone who let me meet another important person in my life.

the trip to china made me realise that i dont need to live my life the way i used to live. i can make changes to make it more fruitful...

I made 3 major changes to my life then, half a year ago...
-I quit my job

-i left him

-i stop going to dance

thanks to him, i got the big big winnie the pooh that i always wanted... the next few times are just time and effort spent on getting Eb ready for ISO audit... Working till 1 plus in the morning and making things turn out well give a sense of satisfactory but at the same time, brought more argument into my life...

when i made up my mind to change job, i got someone who is unwilling to accept, someone who is merely accepting and not understanding because he can do nothing to change my mind... but it all ended the way i want it to...

upon ISO certification, we had a company dinner and that was the first company dinner ever... :) for me... and then i remember whatever that Mr Low said when we were inside the theatre, how he want to go into events since most of us are interested and how i know that it is too late, because i have committed to EB...

i did an evil thing to JD, i initiated the breakup on our anniversary.. maybe he did put in an effort to try to make me stay but him not being able to understand is bad enough... i think i put in all i can for this relationship le... if it is going to end, there is also nothing i can do and i just felt so taken for granted then that i decide it is time to let go...

i spent the night of the breakup with joyce and lawrence in east coast and had gelare at E!Hub while we are waiting for the workers to be done with work...

Then come my birthday, i remember how i was brought to have steamboat in town and how i went home to see a birthday cake. Oh man, at that time, birthday cakes are my love!

I quitted officially on 05 Aug 2008 with many many problems and unhappiness that were not voiced out. For the next 3 weeks, i continue to receive phone calls on questions but i am just so not willing to help... i wonder how i manage in the first place with no one to turn to, and yet she is jsut asking me every single bloody question...

then after working in EB, i met new people like MAK KWONG SOON, Kangwei, Qiugui, Victor, Peter, Ya Oo, etc.

nice people and more friends although some of them are more related at work...

Then came NDP, the last thing taht i ever want to be involved in and i met someone who helped me thru time when i was trying to find someone to talk to. RK Lee. someone whom i last met during NDP, someone whom i still manage to keep in contact with...

After NDP and after times spent in the office, before i got used to everything, Lawrence kim flew off to USA for an inspection job... this was one of the toughest time, where by i suppose i have went thru alot without him and with Mr Kim... how we survived with just mr kim driving, how we survived with Kangwei, and Zhiyan's help in driving... I am gladful for the 2 months that he was away though, it gave me a chance to be independent and truely knows and understand how the company works and i believe that things did changed abit in those 2 months...

But during those 2 months, alot of things happened too... i went for my SSSC course and completed it without even studying for it and during that period of critical time, trying to juggle between work and SSSC, my grandma passed away, someone who never was important to me but her depart made me realise that she actually meant alot... so much taht it made me miss her for months... then came the time after that, was the Industrial first aid course and something i took pride in happened...

I was the only girl in the whole class and i managed to pass the course with full marks in theory!!! some big achievement... haha... totally praised and had a sense of achievement!!! C=

the next big thing will be Lawrence coming back and me passing my driving test with 18 demerit points... and something stupid happened... after applying for my license, i left my IC in UBI!!! freak and i was only aware of it when i reached clementi or something...

crap... and i went back 2 days later and on one faithful day that i drove a new van, i scratched the bumper and pui... argh. it was a new van!!! crap...

then as the days go along, many many things happened that i dont feel like penning them down... not now... the countless times that i end up saying sorry, the happy times, the everything, not able to find a balance then...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! C=

not everything is here but i just dont feel like typing anymore...

.::Up coming long post::.

this year, i decide to post all the happenings for 2008 in my blog and end my year well

it was a well spent and exciting year for me! Will start to type after christmas, after i manage to finish all the prezzie... omg... this is crazy.

and i am broke, no money for dear dear prez. argh. kill me please

OH NO

.::Something in life::.

that was a random title because this is just a random entry that i really dont know what to really put into.

things are going the wrong way now, because of me, i was the stupid one.

there are somethings that i just dont want to explain now, somethings that have not much explanation at all.

.::The start of the Story::.

hi all, i feel its time to share my story of how i got together with him.
Sometimes, there are just somethings that cant really be put into words. We experienced the kind of comfort, ease and peace with each other, how everything felt so right when we are with each other.

There are soemtings that can never be explained and this is one kind of situation.

How things come to where we are now cannot be explained. I think people agreed that someone else really did alot but somehow the connection was not there or should i say, the connection/feeling came at the wrong time.

I remember how i used to look at him with other girls after i broke up half a year ago. How i thought that this is someone nice and treat me good and how we know what each other want and think. Then it came to this point in time whereby i convinced myself that i am not that kind of girl that will attract him and then i grew out of it.

I remember how i used to tell my ex that there can only be one relationship between me and someone else at one point of time. and slowly i grew out of it.

Maybe i am just being insensitive or whatever shit you call that. i can only say, i dint expect all these.

No one will understand whatever that happened that day when we went out the whole day on one particular sunday. How we realise that there are so many things that we agree on, so many things that we felt the same, so many things that felt so right, and how comfy it felt for someone who are going out for the first time.

Maybe he cant do that much, maybe he cant bring me around and fulfil all my wishes or dreams, maybe there are just things that someone else can do but he cant, but then that is not important anymore. at this point of time, the connection felt very different.

Never expect myself to be in this kind of situation, just like in a Taiwan drama show. I know it is confusing. all the 'he' and 'someone else' but whatever la, it is not important. i am just wondering when all the waiting will end and someone nice will come along for him.

Blogging from chalet with my dear dear's lappy!!! C=

.::Days ahead::.

Alot of things happened recently came as a surprise, a shock to me. Not really the way that i have expected it to turn out to be.

I have made a decision, come to a conclusion. This is what i want, I am happy now.

But to those that are affected by our selfish decision, sorry. The harm wasnt inflicted intentionally.

Chalet over the weekend! Looking forward to it!

.::Planning something ahead::.

planning for saturday!!! haha

.::MaMaMia::.

this few days were not bad. and haha. i have a powderful person tagging at my tagboard with powderful english. haha



Thinking about my past and my future. thinking about what to do next, even before this is going to end. thinking if i should.... hmm...



anyway, there is nothing much that i want to say now. there are things going on but nothing should be said. CHIONG AH! AUDIT IN A FEW DAYS TIME!!!



smiles, because things will be ok in the end, if things are not ok, then it is not the end.

.::A quick recap::.

Ok, saturday was a great day. :D

Went to One Rochester which is an amazing place and next was up to Mount Faber with them and we saw this amazing christmas tree that was actually the radio tower.

Next we went on to walk around and reach the Henderson Waves. and hmm. haha. went home after that and when was the last time i slept so late and chat so long on the phone?

OMG. and then Sunday was knock out, couldnt wake up. and still i came back to work. haha. glad that i came back. haha. if not i will die on monday.

wanted to go out drive last night.. but some crazy things happened. the boiler failed a hydraulic test. -.- and -.- and -.- and -.-

.::A small notice::.

I PASS MY DRIVING! FIRST TIME!!!

.::Long post if possible::.

I always start out blogging, hoping that i will end up with a really long post. but i hardly succeed in doing that because i realise that i have just too many things to blog about.

here are somethings that i want to talk about (in brief before i forget everything):

- some idiotic girl who sms me one morning and i ended up in a heated arguement with her
- the KL trip
- the weirdest people on earth
- the boss who is always flying around
- my favourite colour
- up coming christmas and chalet preparation
- my test!

Some idiotic girl who sms me on morning and i ended up in a heated arguement with her
one morning, i was awakened, not by my usual alarm, but the ring tone from an incoming sms. ok, fine.
Look through the sms dreamily, half asleep. couldnt make out what is head and what is tail and pop i went back to my dreamland. when i finally woke up, i look through the message and was surprise by what i saw.

Someone that i once shouted at say months ago, message me to explain that she dint avoid us on purpose, just that she thought she has lost her handphone, but only to find that it is inside her CD cupboard or something. what a lousy lie. really, iz L.O.U.S.Y. anyway, she commented nicely that, if i did not shout at her the other time, she would have choosen to give up on the other performance for ours instead and she emphasize that she is from this prestige school for performers. F.I.N.E. that is just so whatever.

I think i should thank God that i shouted at her. because that made her go away and i dont need to handle her coming late all the time.

And then, just like the usual GAUI LAN me, i replied very guai-lan-ly. i mention that i felt that i wasnt really rude to her than, she did mentioned that i made her felt like a dog. but GIRL, I DONT TREAT MY DOG THE WAY I TREAT YOU! i treat my darlings at home dearly, in fact, i think they are more responsible, more nice, more well behave than you do.

So come to ask me, what have she done to deserve all these. i remember how she was late for her first show, her first time performing with us and how she was late for every single practice and performances that follows.

Thats about all the ranting. and i hope that she will just delete all our contacts from her handphone after returning the costume, becuase i just dont see any chance for us to work together anymore.

The KL trip
Went KL with a small group of people last weekend. when was the last time i went on a HOLIDAY? it was a good break, a relaxing one, with us staying in a 5 star hotel! C=

ok, we made our way to KL in Lawrence's trajet and there was this small traffic jam for about 20 minutes at the Singapore custom, but nonetheless, it was considered smooth and ok.

then we met up with people in JB for lunch at Gelang something de, i just dont remember the name la. had some normal local food that we came to realise were considered rather highly priced.

anyway, we went on and departed that place at around 1pm and we chionged through the highway at 130km per hour or something like that and TATA~ we manage to reach before 5pm and as usual, we got lost in the city just like any other tourists.

But then we manage to find the cool 5 star hotel Crowne Plaza. its like the best that you can ever get with the best toilet ever and we settle down, before proceeding out for dinner at an amazing restaurant by the roadside. There, the one and only thing that spoilt the trip happened. We ordered steam fish and puke, we were serve with fish that wasnt fresh. and that is the one and only bad thing that happened during the trip.

then we moved on to walking and shopping before moving on to the next thing on our agenda, Foot Massage. and we came across this shop at Jalan Bukit Bintan that has fish spa and foot massage. it was a great experience with the fishes nibbling at your feet. haha. i can say i was literally about to scream. and rarr rarr, the fishes seems mroe interested in the guys smelly feet rather than mine, maybe mine smelt too nice. C=

haha. then after the foot massage, we went back to the hotel and was considering if we should go to the local clubs, which we end up deciding against the idea. and we went back to bathe while some of them met up with their own friends for clubbing.

then the 3 of us, Lawrence, Mak and I, went out to look for food. -.- and after supper, we decide that it is time to rest and woah, it was already 3am then! haha someone had to sleep with steam turbine or something. haha.

had another bet and hope i win the bet this time round.haha

then the next morning was an early breakfast at the 5 star hotel. cool! haha. then we went off to explore the hotel and the guys decide that they want to go gym. so we made our way to a departmental store, i forgot the name le la. the big one with roller coaster in it de. their idea was to get sports shoes but end up shopping for me. so it is me, and 2 guys shopping for MY clothes. crazy~!

and then we went back and had a coffee at starbucks before checking out. we got a shock when we were about to move off because the wheels couldnt unlock but it did in the end. C= and this time round, we took an even shorter time to get back.

haha. achievement but dangerous. haha

and another great meal at Jurong before coming back to office to finish up report.

The boss who is flying around
and yes, i have a boss who is always flying around. not a good thing, but not a bad thing as well. hoho. anyway, after a 2 months voyage, my boss is back and after being in Singapore for 2 weeks, he went to China Shanghai for about 3 to 4 days and he will be back tomorrow before having to fly to some other place again.

My favourite colour
I just confirm and acknowledge that my favourite colour is RED. and after 49 days without red, i am now back to RED. my grandma pass away 49 days ago. =C

Up coming chalet and christmas preparation
I bet my cousins will feel like killling me but i dont want to miss a company event! there might be a celebration on the second day of my planned chalet. i am still in the midst of planning but i suppose that date is the best day for the company christmas celebration also.

and i had thought of a brillant presents for the workers. -.- haha. as for the rest, wait till moolahs come in.

My Test~
My driving test is coming. i am going to convince myself that i can pass. i can pass de, just have to put in extra effort. and i am super broke now. oh no.

The weirdest people on Earth
ok, refering to a few people and i believe i used to fall into this category.

How can people put in so so much into a relationship and give up so much for their yet-to-be-other-half? the only reason is L.O.V.E. and that makes me have one conclusion, L.O.V.E. make even the very normal people into the weirdest person on Earth.

like i used to believe, there will always be one party that will forever be giving so so much and the other half taking mroe than they should. nothing is wrong about that but like any other thing, there is always a limit to this kind of things.

one day, the one giving nothing more to give and the one taking will find that nothing is enough.

so it will come to one question, did they love each other? yes, they did and they are still loving each other now, just that they are loving each other at different level with different methods.

只是爱与被爱的比例, 不是爱或不爱的问题

i used to love the song 生命中不可承受的轻 now, i still keep it in my mind.

i remember how much i use to spend on him, time and money. but it is all over. thats it.

sometimes moving off is better.

Thats all folks, although i dont know got anyone read my blog or not. -.-

.::35 days ago::.

it all happened 35 days ago, and yes, i am still thinking about it.

on a lighter note, my boss is in Singapore waters le. finally he is back.

C=

I need my mahjong session!!!

Faster finish exams!!!

.::Hide Me Away::.

I am tired and exhausted all of a sudden. Maybe because i suddenly realise that there arent much goal for me in life at the moment. or maybe i am just tired of the lifestyle now. hope i feel better after the holiday.

Yesterday night, wanted to Mahjong but reckon that i better dont go in case i get barred from there forever. and people are out enjoying dinner with their families but me, alone at home, eating corn flake and watching tv, ALONE. then daddy came home. asked if he wanted a drink but i realise he is as usual, drunk, and started to haolian about his red wine at the door while taking off his boots and smoking. so argh, i gave up the idea of drinking with him.

then after contacting the usual guy, i realise another really really drunk guy. CHO KAI SIANG. he is drunk like dont know what la. Apparently, he is in camp, drinking. hmm. and he had a shot of whisky, and 4 cans of beer before the first call that we made. then by the time i called him for the second time, he sounded more drunk and i realise he had about 5 cans le. -.- then during the last call, he hang up without finishing whatever he is trying to say and can tell that he totally cannot make it le.

then met up with Lau. savior lor. really. haha. went out for supper or rather, my dinner. had wu xiang. but i am just so bored with life la. after eating, went to 7 eleven. I WANT TO DRINK! so i got a bourbon coke. so sweet. -.- ok, maybe that will be the last time i drink that. but its still ok, other than being too sweet. Lau end up not drinking anything. -.-

then walk to the park, talk and talk and then jiu go home le. sian. go home, attempt to do cross stitch. i feel so lousy, only 275ml of 8% and i feel abit tipsy but i manage to get home and get a good night sleep.

this morning, i woke up and i stepped into a puddle of urine in my room!

Poor Carrot, apparently, my sister let her into my room and because today is a Saturday, no one wakes up early so no one open the door for carrot to go out at around 5 or 6 early in the morning so she couldnt go out to her loo. My parents heard scratching and knocking early in the morning but they dint open the door for her, cause they dint expect that she is inside. and according to my mama, when she woke up to charge her hp, carrot stop all the knocking and scratching, maybe she thought my mama will open the door for her. but no one did! and so she urinated in my room at a corner that would not dirty anything. poor girl.

so no one bear to scold her. and for this afternoon, i dont know what i should do

people ask me go out, ask me go dinner, ask me go zoo, ask me go mahjong, ask me go chit chat. but i dont know which one to choose so i rejected all. i feel so bad. but i am feeling tired. i think i need a sleep and i am feeling weird now.

things that happened during the funeral kept coming back to my mind. something that i know i should stop thinking. was talking to my mama that day. i asked her if she got think of her. it has been a month. how is everyone coping, i dont know. life still goes on. we like it or not, it still does. she is no longer there and there is nothing we can do about it.

i remember how she look at the hospital during her last week and her last moment, how she can still joke with us and how she want to play mahjong, but fear kept her away, how she struggle at the last fewhours, how she cry, how red her eyes were when we asked if she was waiting for her sister. how everyone crowd around her, taking turns to see her, talk to her, how my uncles and aunties kept trying to tell her to go on and move on after seeing how she struggle. i remember how some of my auntiees and cousins cried the moemnet she is gone. i remember how everyone walked out when i came back after sending an old lady downstairs. i knew something was wrong. i remember how i went down to wait for another auntie and how i came back to see no heartbeat. i remember how we were told to not cry, i remember how we stood at the corridor and decide on the funeral, i remember how i rush to Batok the next morning, how i rush back to work and then back to batok again, i regret not getting to see her, i remember seeing her hand from afar, i remember how she look in the past when she is still in the pink of health. i remember how all the cousins got together, i remember how we work together those nights, i remember how we took turn to do things, how we get together to gossip, how we did all the rituals during the last night, how i cried, how people start to cry, how i cry and how the guys tried to stop us from crying, how we still work, how we went early the next morning, how we did what we could again for her, how we gather around to see the house, how we went through rituals again and how everyone start to cry again, how we try to not cry, i remember the moment the coffin was raised by the guys, i remember how everyone broke down. i remember how we walked and how cousins are worried for their mama, how i tried to look after the kids, how we walked and board the bus. i will always remember the route that we walked. how we still can talk and joke on bus and how tired some of us were that they fall asleep.
i remember how the place look like, what we did and i remmeber seeing the tears in the eyes of my cousin rolling, someone always happy and full of jokes, i saw those tears, i remmeber how we then move off to the viewing gallery and how the coffin was pushed in, how everyone start to cry again and i remember how that bloody idiot auntie start to take picture. i rmember how everyone walked out, threw away our socks and took off the things that are suppose to be taken off, how we wore our shoes and how we board the bus again. i remember how emo i was, how irritated i was then on board the bus, with the driver and someone's friend HAPPILY CHIT CHATTING AWAY! i remember how irritated i was, i remember how the few of us on the bus remain very quiet. i remember how we washed ourselves after reaching batok, i remember how we climb the steps up to the hosue and how we prayed again for her to come back to her new house, i remmeber how we went doen and have lunch and i rmember how everyone is ok with everything. then i remember seeing my tired parents at home and i remember playing with my cousins that night, and i remember how emo i got towards the end, cos i realise, everything is over, and she is really gone.

i will remember TTSH forever and i will avoid Novena, cause the moement i go there, i will remember that TTSH is nearby and i will remember i lost my grandma there before.

the one who hardly dotes on me, the one who came over and took care of me the old chinese way when i was very very sick, the one who took me to the hospital to see my cousins when i was young, the one who came to my house and taught me how and where to sweep, the one who came to my house and taught me how to mop, the one who came to my house and kept away all my soft toys, the one who took us and compared with our cousins, the one who i call ah ma, the one comes and stay with us for a few weeks and i remember how she always like me to be home cause i will talk to her, the one who cook nice sweet potato leaves, the one who cook nice but oily food, the one who my doggies likes to play with, the one who have a smile that has only one tooth, the old lady who have difficulty in biting but still bite, the one who gave birth to 18 children, the one who gave me a big family, the one who gave me so many cute cousins, the one who came over and stay during the last newyear, the one who made my house crowded during the new year, the one who dont like to sleep at night, the one who never like to admit that she is tired, the one whom i tried to do an address change for, the one who i missed. dearly.

This is Life.

.::TODAY IS A FRIDAY! OMG::.

OMG~! TODAY IS A FRIDAY!!!

and jieyim is one happy girl because today is a FRIDAY! although i am abit sad that i still have to work tomorrow

but it is still ok, at least the weekend is coming and i have yet to give LK whatever that i should. oh no!

JIE YIM, YOU SHOULD START TO WORK!

I troubled someone yesterday night. for someone staying in Jurong West to send me home from Jurong East.. OMG. so mafan but still feel grateful, if not i will be totally drenched.

Had my Occupational First Aid Theory Paper yesterday. haha. i like the instructor! ok, my sis will say that i like being praised la but i believe i was praise because i was good also.

I proved myself, its not because he is biased or something, i have the capability, i manage to get 30/30 for the theory paper. haha. actually i expected that d=

i think some people will feel like whacking me now. but haha. i dint even study and i know i wun fail.

hmm. this goes to proof something that my sister said, i am actaully cut out to study de. but hmm. i choose whatever that i am doing now. if i could turn back time, i will choose to study. but i dont regret also. hmm. contradicts but iz ok. I HAPPY JIU HAO! HAHA

i want to MAHJONG! but then i think i should find time to start studying again. OMG. my accounts are going down~ down~ down~ down~. haha

and oh ya, my kaki sick, and having exams. -.-

Enjoying Jay's new album at the moment. and i have to say, i really enjoy 花海.

花海

静止了 所有的花开

遥远了 清晰了爱

情侣们 爱却更喜欢

那时候 我不懂 这场爱

你喜欢 站在那窗台

你好久 都没再来

彩色的 世界染上空白

是你流的泪晕开

不要你离开 距离隔不开

思念变成海 在窗外进不来

原谅说太快 爱成了阻碍

手中的风筝放太快回不来

不要你离开 泪已化不开

经历的阻碍 我在等待重来

天空仍灿烂 她爱着大海

情歌被打败 爱已不存在

你喜欢 站在那窗台

你好久 都没再来

彩色的 世界染上空白

是你流的泪晕开

不要你离开 距离隔不开

思念变成海 在窗外进不来

原谅说太快 爱成了阻碍

手中的风筝放太快回不来

不要你离开 泪已化不开

经历的阻碍 我在等待重来

天空仍灿烂 她爱着大海

情歌被打败 爱已不存在

TATA. Thats all. haha. i am hungry. MUM MUM TIME!

.::Even if no one reads::.

I just realise no one read my blog, or maybe the people just dont tag cause i dont reply.

hmm. anyway, that is not really important.

This morning, i went to The Revenue House for a briefing on GST.

Not that i dont what and how to claim GST, but just that i HAVE to go.

anyway, i start to not like the place. even going pass that place, i dont like.

things happened a month ago. i cant imagine she is really gone.

and i just realise something last night

My uncle seems to be the owner of the Ten Dollar Club. -.-

你看到了吗?

我们都过得很好

我们没有吵架

笑着想你

你过得好吗?

开心吗?

二十八天了

我还是会想起你

我还是舍不得

有时还会想哭

我想大家都是这样的活着

不断地想起你

谢谢你留在我的记忆里

.::Thinking things through::.

Hmm. Something not really pleasant happened yesterday night and it made me thought through quite alot of things.

Someone called me during lesson and me happen to pick it up. then we had the following conversation:

Girl: Oei, i saw your daddy leh!!!
Me(during class, and speaking damn softly): Orh, i having class.
Girl: I dint see him at the usual coffeeshop leh, i saw him at another one.
Me(still speaking damn softly): Orh, i having class.
Girl: You guess which coffeeshop i saw him?
Me(starting to get irritated, still speaking damn softly): I having class!
Girl: Orh, why having class? What class?
Me end the call aruptly.

ANGRY! BLOOD BOIL CAN?!

Ok, i should not even have picked up the call in the first place.

But this is freaking irritating! How can she be so irritating.

hmm. then when i was walking home, i thought through everything that happened and the weather is nice, small drizzle, real small droplets of rain drop.

I used to think that she is a poor little girl because her sisters dont really treat her well at home and i know ultimately, what she needs is just attention, something that she need endless amount of but her sisters and people living in her house are in no ability to provide her with.
Then i start to realise where her limits are or rather, i realise she have no limits to the need for attention.

Then the fuse start to get shorter and shorter but still manageable.

Just like another Boy, i was telling the brother to give him more attention cause that is what he need also.

But i always tell them, who am i to tell them what to do, they are not my brother or sister. and this make me wonder, am i a good sister?

I know i wasnt there for them the past 2 years but now i am. I know i was just a spoilt brat for the past 2 years but now i believe i am not. so am i a good sister or not? hehe.

Someone told me to heck care her but come to think of it, i still think she very poor thing, no one want to play with her, etc. and even if she was the one who manage to convince us to go over and 'play' with her, ultimately, we will still cast her aside when we start to mj or do other things.

Am i suppose to blame her for her young age? or should i just blame myself for picking up that bloody call? but anyway, its really a SMALL thing la. i just feel so bitch and xiao qi blogging about it here.

anyway, hoping to enjoy whatever that comes along in life but for now, i will continue worrying about what is going to happen at home.

Apparently, my mama forgot to turn off the gas this time round, although the gas is finished, but you never know what. she also damn DOK KONG can? last time forget to turn off the slow cooker and it made me think about it for hours only to realise that it is switch off already. and now this. -.- wth.

OH YA! I wanna go shopping!!! =C i need a new bag BADLY.

ok, wednesday will be the day that i will shop. d= shhh...

hmm. what can i say? sometimes somethings just arent meant to be. my sister asked me about him last night. something that surprised me anyway, everything is over. C= and i am a happy, loving soul now! C=

.::My weekend::.

The weekend was rather well spent. Other than mahjonging and playing around, it was a nice time for me to start everything all over again.

First, Friday night, was suppose to go swimming but oh well, was pangseh by people and end up just laying around in my cousin's house.

I totally forget what we did but i know in the end i went home without nothing much done after the guys come back.

And i spent the night doing cross stitch. something nice and relaxing and not much brain cells exhausted in the process.

Then it is work the next morning as usual and i swear i look like a panda. After working and driving for 3 hours, i went home for a good sleep in the living room. haha.
When i was about to fall asleep, my dear mama called and she mistook me as Ah Chun~!!! WTH. but anyway, after i end the call, i saw my darling Carrot enjoying her sleep on my pillow and pui her. even after me putting my head on her body, she still dont want to move away. rarr~!

but anyway, i went over for my Mahjong session with them as usual and after one whole round, we decide that maybe it is time for dinner at 9 plus. haha. and to think that we actually walked all the way to Lot one for fast food and in the end settled down at KFC.

hmm. i was extremely loud on the way home as usual.

AND we played till 1 am in the stuffy kitchen. -.- with Ah Pui being the entertainer and making everyone laugh.

and then Sunday was to driving lesson after sleeping till noon and then to Kallang for dance. (will touch more later) and then was back to their house and SEE them play mahjong. ~!@#$%^$%^&*
then was dinner at 10pm and then we went home.

hmm. i forgot when or where but i realise that i am missing her more than anything. It has been 20 over days and i am still feeling something whenever i thought of her.

i never know that there will be someone that will make me feel this way other than him. she is someone where, happy, in the company of the others whom she have always missed.

Someone told me that there is actually something that we should not have execute a few years ago. it just lead her to her end faster. but anyway, everything have come to an end, and i believe we are all enjoying whatever that she had brought for us.

Her death bought us closer. she let us have the chance to interact and play together and work together and until now, unlike in the past, we are meeting up more than once each week.

Whatever that is happening now are things that i used to believe as something impossible but it is all going on well now. i hope to make everything last.

and then went back to dance. there are things that it is difficult to put into words for others to understand. i am not heartless, and sometimes, it is just a matter of choice that made me choose to do something and not the other.

it is not that the passion is not there, it is just plain tired of things and nothing that i do can change things so sometimes running away seems easier and better, for me.

Nothing much about work these days as the market is really quiet.

however, time pass rather fast today as i do out all the invoicing and stuff.

i enjoyed it when there is alot of work! C=

Enjoying my Uncle Quaker Baked Apple Granola Bar after a busy morning and Jieyim is attempting to go on DIET!!!

It is not really a boring life now. it is just an excuse to get more attention.

i have interesting foreign workers in the office, maybe other than 2 who likes to stare at me. -.-

EMO-ing when i dont have anyone to sms.
EMO-ing when i have nothing to do at work.

it was a good time spent and hmm, dun bring the hopes too high.

.::HAPPY YESTERDAY::.

haha. had a happy day yesterday. lets list them out one by one. C=

Early morning, i was kept rather busy. or rather, i dont remember whatever that i did. then came the call telling me that the new workers will be coming in. haha.
after that, everyone came back and they start to clean up the place. its great to see all of them working together, maybe other than a few of them that i dont really give a shit to anymore. the rest joke and play through everything and i like that kind of feeling! and they tried to reorganise everything yet AGAIN.
i predict EVERYTHING will be in a mess in less than 2 weeks. ahaha.

then i made a call to Absolute Kinetics and i got the good news! i passed my supervisor course! haha. HAPPY! C=

then some stupid jokes were been shared and HAHA. something about me going into a tank and coming out only 1 week later. -.-

and went on to briefing and we were talking about safety about looking at where you are walking and not fall into a manhole or something. then the stupid tank joke came up again.
and we are been constantly reminded about kumar and his $150 fine. haha

then went off for my first aid course. haha. CPR was scary because the instructor was very angry.
but when it is my turn, i was praised for knowing my procedure. and it feels great when you are the only lady there. i feel that the instructor is biased though

then while the instructor is concentrating on the other's CPR, we tried out our bandage and when i have done mine, and showed to the instructor, i end up looking at other 'classmates'. then was guiding them until the instructor direct them to me, for me to teach them how to hide the fingers in.

okok. haolian haolian.

wadever.

then i had a pack of fries when i was walking home and MAN, that spoils my day! the fries are rather undercook and i had a bad time biting them. but i finished it nonetheless.

someone told me 'you seem happier with your new job' and i said yes, i am really happier.
and we went on to talk about some blur people that i choose to not mention here. YES YOU ARE BLUR.

who can i turn to to let them know that i am not like that? now i know what kind of person you really is. i should have thought all this through a long time ago.

and i caught the hint. and i think it is all getting obvious.

i went to ah ma house. and hmm. its 21 days le.

.::BLOODY HELL::.

I was reminded of someone very damn bloody irritating.

Someone idiotic and stupid and yet still wanna run a business. you can go die.

No names will be mentioned here so dont ASSUME that it is YOU. if you do, then, thats bloody your own problem.

Do you think some meals can buy me over? i caught the hint a long time ago just that i choose to not give any response to it. so what if your volume dont need to employ someone to handle the document?

that is still ok. but some asshole actually came to me and tell me,
'erm, next time got people call, ask them nicely, see whether they want to leave a message or something, dont let them feel that there is no one from the company in the office'

Bloody f. but that is the fact right? how am i suppose to hide that when i really dont know how to handle YOUR documents and help YOUR client? you dont pay for MY salary and you dont even bother to pay for the rental just becuase my boss is out of town!

@~!#$%^&*(

really got nothing to say.

ok, so here i confess, i was giving the extremely-heck-care attitude when it comes to picking up YOUR incoming calls. because to me, that is something out of my job scope. and who are you to tell me what to do. maybe i will listen to you if you bother and can offer me a higher pay. but i doubt that day will come in the near future.

oh my goodness. this is all so obvious. but i dont give it a damn.