.::wad else can i do except wait?::.

~*i try to be ok*~
~*i will be ok*~
~*or m i lying to myself?*~

i dunno wad to tink and i dunno how to tink animore... i go to the extreme... i can only wait now... wait and hope that everything is ok on his side... wad else can i do?

sori roy i choose not to go in the end... cos i realli not in the mood when i realised that i have to wait again... i wait for one year... and for that past week and those few days i thought that i can be happy again... but i sort of realise i was wrong... terribly wrong... sumhow he might have things planned out... or we strated out but he think that sumting is not right... or mayb things are just not right on his side...

i dunno wad to tink and how to tink... i dun wan to lie to myself to tell myself to tink on the better side... i dun wan to put in hope cox i dun wan to have disappointment in the end... so i choose to numb myself and maybe drown myself in liquor... i dunno wad i will do... i will never do it again on my own... should the sunday cum and he didn't appear, but he appear sumwhere else, i will not be the one doing the job... it shall be my friends... i haf done enuff... in fact i think i do too much... i felt myself like a pest... so i choose to let go and dun tink about things now... enjoy my week till the sunday cum...

i dunno wad to tink... hope to find him but scare to face wad terrible truth there might be... but still hope to find him to know that he is orite...

haha... and dear readers... iz ok not to understand a single ting... or mayb undstd sumthings... cox sumtings are just meant to be like that... to be a mystery till the mastermind choose to reveal everything....

i tout i can be happy... but i was wrong... i just want to know he is ok... i can not care that much now... he is just another stupid guy... mayb i will have to wait again? mayb i should not even had said yes? i dunno... i oli know tat i m sad and worry and every other ting bad...

.::terror3::.

~*Life still moves on for the terrors*~

~*what about you?*~

i met up with the 2 terrors that day and guess where we terrorised this time round? haha... sakae sushi at the borders... so the 3 terrors hang around at borders and then sakae then we took train home... haha... then chang er kept looking at the butterfly jie jie... haha... and keep threatening to give me and liying wundercat tatoo... ahaha...

next we went to cck... and went to 7-eleven... then walked to somewhere near sounthview primary school... the workout area... that was where the first batch of terror 4 was first named... that stupid chang er kicked the work out machine and had a bad cut on his toe.. and that liying girl huh was laughing like mad... hah... sadist... omg...

then i HAVE to go home... then i went home...

was actualli tinkning that i can mit him after dance... but... haix... i tink his card no money or sumting... i didnt even get a reply from him... hax... frm last nite till now... haix... dunno wads going on... i kiptinking whether he gt receive my smss not... stupid... all i can do now i wait...

now i m feeling sick... having slight fever... must recover... might be going sentosa dis fri and overnite at west coast on this sat... haha... wed still gt dance... going to run like siao...

life moves on for the terror... running away wun help... i know u will still be reading this entry sumhow... just like what liying said... to stay or leave, everything is ur choice... before you make any decision you haf to tink twice... cox u haf a lot to face... to stay.,.. you have to change... to leave, will you be able to live aloone? yes.,.. you can learn but how long will that take? you can cum back... everything is your choice...

we are pissed tat u actualli let ur parents know abt it... shouting to the fone in the living rm is obviously sumting big.,.. ur mama surely know one... you wanted to get solution but IZ YOUR LIFE... u haf to search for your own solution...w ecan oli tell u wads wrong... u have been living for the past 16 years and the mentaliy proof to be wrong... but u r still unwilling to change? wad are u afriad of? tings can never get ani worse... after u changed, either tings get better or remainn stagnent... it difinitely wun get worse...

but still i hafto thank you for bringing wonderful people into my life... without you, they will never be with me....

~*decide and let us know ur answer*~

~*but be prepared for wadever decision you make*~

.::love and like::.

~*wads the diff?*~

~*i tell you*~

go and ask around... the 3 words, 'I LOVE YOU' just come out straight from the mouth of many couple... but please go and look around... how many couple who claim that they love each other last?

no offence... but from my point of view, the word LOVE is serious... it meant alot of things to me... and my good friend too... go and ask jeremy too... he will tell you what he think about the different between LOVE and LIKE.

to me, LOVE has so much commiment... to me, LOVE is forever... but LIKE is not... i never say i LOVE someone... except for my parents bah... even when i waited 1 year for HIM, i also never mention that i LOVE him...

somehow i just think that we are still far too young to understand what LOVE means... but around me, there are still so many people who like to mention LOVE... the word is worthless now... so what can i say?

glad that at least i found a friend who agree with me... LOVE is a precious word... we will never use it unnecessary... hee...

~*LOVE is so different from LIKE*~

~*I m scare i m oli a substitute*~

.::I dunno why::.

~*i realise i m lying to myself all the while*~

~*so how?*~

haix... all along i tout tat i played or shd i say i bullied him for the sake of training him... but today, i seem to realise tat tat does not seem to be the truth... or shd i say we managed to change him but turn out we dun like the new him...

no one can deny the fact tat he is getting more and more hot tempered recently... iz true lor... go ahead and ask ard... i m not the oli one hu feel that way... iz commonly known even in his family... god knows wad happened sia... haix...

all i can say... version2 seems inachieveable... cox all of us are sick of his reaction and stupid attitude... he is just turning into sumone hu cant accept jokes... we dun like dis kind of ppl wif us...if we can accept dis kind of ppl into our group, den we can accept sum other ppl le lah...

for goodness sake... u r the one hu bind the 4 of us as terror 4... u were wif us... u were once part of terror 4... but u intro li into the group...u make ur own choice... u choose to be the demon... even if u didnt say sumting like tat...u gave others tat message: 'i dun mind being the demon for the terror 4'

and i can tell u... u failed to rise... u didnt rise on ur own after each attack... if we didnt gif in, will u risse? go n tink...

version2 seems so impossible now... to tink tat we actualli started out happily today, tinking how to celebrate ur bday... we were just wondering whether iz time to stop targeting u... but so how now?

version2 is unattainable oso becox of the fact tat u know tat u can never be able to bring good influences into the group...so why the hell in the world did u even go and think of version2? more and more frequent quarrels and arguement... maybe iz no longer ur gang... sumone just told mi he dunwan his *** near his gang... so wad can i say? iz no longer ur gang...

no one bother to go and tink abt wads wrong wif u animore... is ur tolerance level realli tat low? tat wasnt the case in the past... if u realli tink tat wif us, there is oli fear, den dun bother... bye bye are the oli 2 words i can gif u... we can live life well in a demonless world...

'why r u pissing off? i shd be the one!'... fancy asking mi why... u can get angry and say bad tings and walk away... since u haf the rites, why cant i haf mine? still tink stupid mi go and be nice to u... ask urself... was my tone bad rite from the start? i sounded nice i remember...i realli wanted to pass the tings back to u... so how the hell in the world would u feel if i scolded vulgarity to u when u were nice to mi?

yeh... maybe dis call for celebration... u did learn sumting from mi... throw away all ur belongings... but cum to tink abt it... hu r u? dis ting dun work for all... u r diff frm mi... ppl may cum aft mi if i do the same ting... even if dey dun, i will still turn back... but wad did u do?

u throw away everyting and u didnt realise tat it dun work for u... and u didnt realise tat whenever i do tat, i will either be asked to go back or i will go back on my own...

u cant put down ur pride... we r back to the same topic... can u put down ur pride? haix... frm wad i see, i realise tat i shd not comment again... haix... just accept it bah... u know wad i m trying to drive at... haix... is dis suppose to be sad?

know sumting? i suggested sending the same message to u to end the friendship... haix but the sad ting is... no one even care... i tried to be nice... i sounded nice at first... but how was i treated?

just like wad er say... sad lah!!! terror 4 is together... and u will oli be demon and nuting else.... accept all four or accept none... we stick together...

~*ya... mayb u tink we suck*~

~*but tink thru why we choose u and not sumone else?*~

~*take it or leave it*~

~*we dun like a demon wif attitude*~

.::My Choice::.

~*Good or bad*~

~*Change or not*~

~*Everything lies with me*~

~*It's my choice*~

To most, maybe your think that I am super duper bad girl or just some other stupid people with some other stupid character... Even my parents think that I am very bad... How can I get the idea into their mind that I know what I am doing and I can keep control of this kind of things? I can tell you.... Even if I smoke or drink or do some other stupid things, I will still be able to stop... As long as I am not addicted... And I know why I am doing certain things for, so I will not get addicted.

anyway... Believe me or not... It's also still your choice... I can tell you that I can be a super duper good girl who goes home right after school and don't even go out or talk on the phone... But I can tell you, u will not like me that way... Because when that time comes, u will have realize that you are so used to the old me that you find it weird facing the new me...

~*Change or not*~

~*good or bad*~

~*everything is still my choice*~

~*I will try*~

see koonhui, I changed.. But I can tell you it is short term only... I only wanted to prove to you that I can change

.::today::.

~*how is my life today?*~

~*lol... i dun realli know*~

ok... basicalli... today, wich is refering to 31st may 2005, was quite an ok day lah... lol... quite happy... lol... madagascar is a nice show... haha... but... i realli had a hard time tring to get the time to mit and hu to go out wif rite...

aniway, another happy ting is the fact tat my sis is going away to pulau ubin for camp tml!!! lol... i m super duper happy... haha... peace at home finally... cox i hardly quarrel wif my younger sis... shall pack my room and start studying tml...

lol... i kept tat book away to not let sumone see sumting inside... in the end i dun even know where the hell i left it... haha... sori li... lol.. no goodnite msg... haha... nvm... i shall go and try to find back the book...

sori er and ly, kept asking ur to go out... lol... but we realli haf to tok abt tings one day... how to 'CELEBRATE' koonhui bday!!! lol.. looking forward to tat day... go out and taunt... haha... cool...

sori kh, kip asking u out too... i realli wanted to go out badly sia.. lol... bbut i realli dunno where to go... haha... and hor... just accept the fact tat u will always be bullied... and thanks a million for today... hehe... wanted to mit but in the end say cannot... one day shd ask ur bro out and treat him nicely too... haha... u know wad i mean... and for goodness sake lah... stop asking mi to try and change my style of typing...lol... i wun change one lor... haha...buai song den dun read... haha... but i know u will still read one... but hu knows? maybe one day i will change? everyting is still my choice... haha...

hope tat west coast tingy faster cum... lol... i wan to go out and play... tml must study... so not going back nhss for dance... mayb the day after tml bah... tats 2nd june...

tats abt all... and now iz super duper late... haha... but i still cant slp... lol... i shd go play gunbound... fun sia...

~*That's All Folks*~

.::life is full of NEW tings::.

~*life is full of NEW tings*~

~*full of NEW ppl*~

went out tat day wif friends ah... lol... super fun...

i met new ppl and i tried new stuff...

the new stuff, i just did it for fun... i didnt want to control myself tat day... i just let myself go haywire and let myself go havoc... cool... nice experience...

met new ppl... lol... all 4 of us haf common interest... lol... i shall not further elaborate... haha... poor him... he cant slp all nite and he haf to look aft our bag... lol... so sad... but fun... haha... the new person... lol... dunno why kh intro him into our group lor...lol... i mean.,.. lol... kh intro sumone into the group to bully himself... since he know tat we will always be bullying him...

the new person ah.. lol... gangster ah? haha... but at least he better dan kai*****... haha... mayb the 2 haf the same character... as in like to tok big, 吹牛, but sumhow i dun realli sense tat when i tok to tat person... lol... he is not a bad person afterall... at least the impression tat he left was batter dan the impression tat kai***** left... lol...

i realise tat guys like to kip tings to demselves.... y ah? dun undstd... izzit becox of pride? or izzit to dem friends are realli nuting... haix... nvm... everyting is still deir choice.. to say or not to say...

~*NEW stuff and NEW ppl*~

~*nice experience*~

~*haha... how i wish i can haf fun again!!!*~

.::Life is full of everything::.

~*I start to think*~

~*and accept that life is full of everything*~

~*Cause everything is life*~

~*Without everything, life is not around then*~

i dunno wad realli happened recently... seems like a whole chunk... so much that i m all messed up... so messed up tat i dunno wad to handle first... i m scare... scare tat i will regret...

one by one den...

it all happened when sumone told me sumting... or shd i say i asked sumone sumting... i m sensitive... i sensed tat sumthing was amissed... so i went to ask ard... just like wad i tout... haix... another accusation... but it resolve in the end... sort of resolved... wad else can i say besides accepting it? i know dy still rock...

hb...

thanks for everything... thanks for clarifying.. i know rumors are hard to avoid... i undstd... thank you for being dere ah... hehe... i m fine... thank you for the trust u haf for mi...

haix quite sad lahs... u see lah... how mani ppl in the gang can be trusted? i tink oli ppl like dal and hb oli bah...

for dose hu want to know more, cum and ask mi personalli... see i willing to tell u or not lah...

next is kh... haix... wad can i say? i can oli say i haf no time for him...

it is sad to know tat ur friend dunno wad u are doing for him... the same case.. for so mani years and i didnt even get the basic trust... to him i m still friend hu enjoy humilliating him... haix... so be it...

i know u will sumhow read dis entry... we hang up the fone and dr u 3 similar bomb cox we are pissed... 'thank you, both sincerely and sacarsticly'... wad is tat suppose to mean? wad do u tink we tink? so we choose to take the bad extreme end...we spend hours on fone... hoping tat he will undstd... but he dun... nvm... we hope tat sumday he will... but wad we gt in the end? tat thankyou tingy... so how m i suppose to react?

i may be a bad friend to u... i m treating u badly... but tink abt it....wad m i actualli intenting to do thru dose stupid act... dun tell mi i enjoy taking the risk of being humiliate by u in return? i know sumday u will do sumting in return and u did... dun tell mi i humiliate u hoping for myself being humiliate in the public too?

i may not always be dere for u when u are down... but think of wad we4 went thru,.. i know as foursoome it izzen much... but simply the 3 of u? dose late nights are not wasted.. i hope... but i m wrong... u nv undstd wad we are trying to do...

we can simply be doing the same as wad others do to u... ignore u... tat was wad we did... and wad did u interpret out of it? we simply hope tat u will know how impt it is to make more friends and not rely on us... but? haix experimental failure bahx...

let our friendship end here...

tat was never true until wad u decide tat it will be true...

i dunno wad is in his mind... ppl nowadays are getting more and more complicated... life is never normal again... wad can i do? hardly anione out dere i can trust... except dose 2 tat i mentioned...

i m just another failure here sia... i failed to earn trust from ppl... so wad else can i say except blame myself?

~*Life is suppose to be normal*~

~*u may think it is normal now*~

~*but wad is the definition of ur normal?*~

.::life moves on::.

~*i m ok*~

~*AGAIN*~

stupid lah... i suck... aniway... i know hu to ***** and not to ***** hu...

too agitated.,.. bt... i tink iz sumting good...

~*朋友*~

这些年

一个人

风也过

雨也走

有过泪

有过错

还记得坚持甚麽

真爱过

才会懂

会寂寞

会回首

终有梦

终有你

在心中

朋友

一生一起走

那些日子不再有

一句话

一辈子

一生情

一杯酒

朋友不曾孤单过

一声朋友

你会懂

还有伤

还有痛

还要走

还有我

.::i failed again::.

~*i failed again*~

~*hu is out to get mi?*~

i failed again... and i failed terribly dis time round... i lost everyting... everyting to afew msg tat i dun even know origin...

2whole years, i spend 2 whole years on dem... i never ask for anitng... i just want dem to grow up and stya out of trouble... i tout dey know wad i m doing...wad i m doing for... know tat i m sincere... but wad i gt in the end?

i didnt even get the basic trust.,.. i m so bad in their eyes...

HIM... i expected HIM to know mi well... never did i expect HIM to feel the same way...

ok... fine...i give up... i dunno how to continue le... how to face dem? how to act like i m ok? when i m not?

~*mayb i should not do aniting for the past2 years*~

~*if i didnt, i will be so much more happi now...*~

.::wonderful nite::.

~*had a wonderful night again*~

~*thank you and i realli mean it*~

i shall not elaborate much on wad i did cox i dun wan to get myself into trouble...lol... but all i know is i had a great time...

i always wanted to know how it feel like to be drunk but sad case, i never get drunk... haiz... aniway i know i will be drunk one day...

poor koonhui bullied again... but he did sumting daring tat we actualli went to celebrate... he splash water on mi and er in the mrt... omg... lol... congrats ah... grow up le... haha... is the cheese nice koonhui? lol...

haha... sori ahs... lol... i was sober... totalli sober... i could control just tat i choose not to... haha... poor kh... tat was also wad liying was doing... she can control... but she choose not to... haha...

.::quiz time::.

~*i wonder if dis is true*~

~*but it seems quite true*~

i took a test at quizilla... abt wad i feel towards love or sumtine... below are the result...

FROZEN QUEEN/ KINGYou dont want love to come through to you. You like
it the way you are. To be unreachable, no need
to show feelings. Hiding everything inside you.
You are already used to it. You say yourself
that you dont need anyone, that you stand on
your own two feet or that you dont have time
for these things. But in reality you are scared
to get hurt. You feel save where you are: by
yourself, nobody can hurt you there. You
invent your own relationship in your dreams.
You just need to know that you COULD get a
partner.Thats it.PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always
message me or tell me how I can improve that
quiz. Ill sure write back.

~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by

.::bad days::.

~*bad feeling dese few days*~

blah... bad feeling dis few days... feel realli bad... bloated feeling, gastric and leg pain... hope it gets better... doing my best to hope it get better... like applying sumting warm on it... blah... but still i tink becos of the weather, iz still as bad...

sunday gt dance!!! but i go dere do wad? ix like... erm... nuting much i can do... but now tings are better le... i tink gif mi a few days n i will be ok le... aniway my mc ends at today... haf to do pe le... but nvm... i will make sure i pass my 2.4 wif flying colours... ahahaha...

~*we tok alot recently*~

~*i caused him to tink*~

~*but tings r different*~

~*the feeling is different*~

~*cox i know the feeling will never be right*~

.::会有那么一天::.

会有那么一天

一九四三世

界大战阿嬷年轻的时候

爷爷爱他那么多

他们感情很深

但是爷爷身负重任

就在离乡的那夜

给了阿嬷一个吻

轻声说到

我要离去别再哭泣

不要伤心请你相信我

要等待我的爱陪你永不离开

因为会有那么一天

我们牵著手在草原听

鸟儿歌唱的声音

听我说声我爱你

夕阳西下鸟儿回家

阿嬷躺在病床上

呼吸有一点散漫

眼神却很温柔

看著爷爷湿透的眼

握著他粗糙的手

阿嬷泪水开始流

轻声说道

我要离去别再哭泣
不要伤心请你相信我
要等待我的爱陪你永不离开
因为会有那么一天
我们牵著手在草原听
鸟儿歌唱的声音
听我说声我爱你

life still move on ahrs?

.::lol..nuting to write::.

~*nuting to write!!*~

erm...lol... the previous entry is all in perfect english... at least i tried to put all in perfect english... lol.. for koonhui ah... honoured ah? lol

all i know now is my leg pain... can bend and walk but pain... haix...

recently into writing testimonial ah... lol... cos i m sian abt blog le... =p... lol... i will still be back to blog... but i tink entries getting shorter and shorter each time... haha...

ppl... tag pls... veri quiet... aniway... check out the blogs ah... anibody wan link, pls tag to tell mi... ahaha... i will be more dan willing to link you... erm... sound abit bitch?lol... i dun care... ahahahhaha...

if u buai song, click on the [x] up dere... haha... kidding... lol... wad is life without jokes ah?

think myself quite extreme... haha... happy so happy... sad and depress that time so scary... look at my previous entries... haha... so extreme sia... but i m happi that i m happy now... lol... CRAP... ahaha

sori for being so extreme hor... lol... and thank you and apologies for ppl hu cum tok to mi... i sort of think i wasted your time... =p...

~*tag plx!!!*~

~*thank you*~

.::dedicated to... ::.

~*friends are great thing created by god*~

~*thank you for being there*~

Maybe to some, he is just someone who is so insignificant in your life. To me, he is never insignificant. He is always there for me whenever I am feeling down. I m guilty for not treating him nicely, but the what makes me admire him is the fact that he don't mind what I have done to him. He is still there for me all the time.

Maybe o some, he is just an idiotic guy with some weird weird ideas harbor up in his head. To me, he is a good listener. It never bother me whether he is able to give sensible advice or not, but the fact that he is willing to listen is more than enough. What makes me admire him is the fact that most of the time, he gives sensible advice, yet I am unwilling to accept.

Maybe to some, he is just a pathetic guy with little friends. He is the one who showed me that friends are something that do not matters in quantity, but quality. He,himself is already one great friend. Yet he brought 2 more great friends into my world.

This entry is dedicated to KoonHui. Thank you for everything. It is only recently that I realize how fun life can be with your gang.

Thank you for the 3 who hang out with me on the 6th May 2005. We had fun. Your let me had fun. Your let me realize that it has been quite some time since I last had fun. I don't need to act in front of your. Time spent together is just filled with plain fun and laughter. Thank you.

.::coffee bean::.

~*for dose hu know*~

wad i did tat day wasfor fun, for the fact tat i tout he was a bad guy, and abit the for the sake of kh. aniway... tings settled... i dun wan to disturb his studies...

ok... i apologised, cox after toking tings out,i sumhow tink tat continuing oso no point... gt another prob on hand... want it to be an happi ending for the rest... i tink oli veri few ppl know wad i m toking abt... hee =\

aniway, apologies again... another reason why i choose to do tat to u is becox i know u wun turn to tchers... but cum to tink of it, abit the bad for mi to bully him aft toking sumtings out.. cox he is a good friend to her... and he having exams le... abit the bitch to 'bully' him now

.::orite for now::.

~*leg first*~

c chi doc... lidddat lor... haix go back next friday... again... take bitter medicine... so far like tat lah...

~*thank you for the fun*~

~*sorii for going too far*~

lol... mit up wif koonhui, liying and er aft seeing doc... abit sian sian in my heart becox he not free to go wif mi... but nvm... see doc le went to mit the 3some... so long didnt hang out wif dem le...

den crap until 10 plus... when i haf to leave, suddenly realise gt alot of topic to say...den dunno how... sumhow haf to go home and jiao dai... den er went home to call sumone... den i went off... den mi suggest go my hse dere tok... at least i can be dere... sorri den i cos the whole gang to shift...

half way thru the park, ly say wan to go my house toilet... so she went my hse... kh suggested going to my hse tok.. den he waited for er... when dey reach my hse, the atmosphere became guai guai one... so i say go downstairs...

downstaris tok... den kh kick his slippers at er... lol... den we started our gaming.... sorries... bad mi... lol... =x

take kh slippers bottle and bag...but goodus decide to gif him back his bag... so end up we haf his bottle and slippers... bottle water used to splash him... den slippers... i suggested bringing acrooss the street to the park opp... den kh haf one slipper back.. the oher floating in the pond... den er make kh choose btw slipper and bottle... denkh fed up walk off... barefooted... lol... we 3 dunno wad to do... debating whether he will cum back...in the end he didnt...

finalli decide to call him back so tat we can cont to play... =/ evil mi... lol... den when he is on his way back, we hide his slippers and bottle ard cars in the carpark... den kh came back and he started searching... hehe... when he found everyting, he cont walk hm.. dun want to tok to us... sobx sonx... but we say he um chio, he realli un chio... haha...

den we decide follow him... den came to the playground near 208... den decide to forsake him and play swing instead... lol... so started playing wif swing... now muscle abit guai guai...lol... den late le, er sent ly home and i walked home...

i realised iz been long since i last played... iz like other times when i hang out wif others, i suumtime haf to put on an act and be fake.. today dunit... ix super fun...

we sound bad bullying kh, but i just hope he willl learn to defend himself...lol... still gt more training to cum along...

~*there is lesser and lesser sms*~

~*lesser and lesser from him*~

i know iz oli a crush... cox i cant like him...

~*bye bye sbss*~

sbss is gone... but sb is still ss... lol... decide to disband it cox we sian liao and i tink sb dun like it... so haix dun play le... lol... sorries

.::finalli he replied sumting::.

~* why am i waiting for his sms? *~

actualli, i know i shd not be waiting for his sms cox dere are alot of reasons to it... but sumhow i m waiting... aniway, he replied today... the msg was long... but tokin abt the same old stuff... haix... at least better dan nuting... just asking more from him dan i ask from friend... iz not good.. i know iz not... but... life is full of buts

piaing homework... suddenlty becum veri guai... haix dis weekend cant go ipoh!!! haix nvm... sms.... hehe...

dese few days, free jiu help auntie bring my god bro... i know auntie veri busy...

auntie daughter just gave birth.. the new born is less dan a month old... ut guess wad he can do? iz super damn amazing... lol

1111111111

a new born... yet he can sort of listen to wad ppl say... iz like when pplcriticise him or said sumting not veri pleasing, he will start crying... when he is crying, my auntie will 'ask' him wad happened and he will stop... and when he here new noise, eg, mi coughing, he will look ard... mayb ur tink just coincident..,. but ix like not just once... lol... **cute**

2222222222

a new born, shd not hafe the ability to control muscles... but when he was brought back, and when my auntie tried to bathe him, he just push himself up to standing position... of course still wif my auntie holding on to him,... he will contract his muscles so tightly tat u find it hard to make him sit back.,.. but his temper not veri good ah... but nvm... **cute**

3333333333

new born cant see tings yet... dey can see faint light source... dis little cutie here act as though he can see many tings... he will keep looking ard wif his big eyes... his eyeball hor, the black parts are more dan the white part... damn,,, i dunno wads the scientific name for dose two parts le... forget le... nvm... he still veri cute... **cute**

izzen him cutE? i wan his foto up here sumday... haha...

tml buying bio text... super expensive... ok... actualli tatx the normal price for a txt in jc... campbell...53 buckx

the doc say my x ray report dis time round okies... normal... gave mi medicine for stopping pain... the mefenamic acid wich stop pain will cause gastric... so i m given antacid tablets too... den she gave mi cream for applications... and vitamin B complex tablets for supplement ofmy nerves.. cox a small part next t my injury is still numb... numb as in could not feel aniting... scare.... veri scare... now i dun even know wads wrong...

she excused mi from pe for 1 more week... haix... how? i want 30 for napfa... lol... i dun care...

go slp le... lol... oways blogging at nites... next morning see mi slping in lect... but gt improvement le... i didnt slp during lect today!!! tml oso wun slp... lol... but suck sia.,.. tml gt PW!!! !@#$%^&* my PW teacher suck lahx.x... damn kao pei... wadever... still have to face her... let her goahead.. since the whole class is against her... muahahahahahahahaha...

ppl... remember... I M EVIL... lol.... muahahahahahha...

[ -_-''' ] tatx mi... and... [ -_-* ] mian bao for going havoc wif mi... thankx... lol

.::nuting is wrong, but that does not mean everyting is rite::.

~*let mi go into depression*~

~*at least i let tings out*~

~*i m ok after that*~

~* [[ = *~

i m depressed the past few days... but i m ok now.. hehe... sori ahx... but hor... life is quite sian wifout dance ah... hehe... bear wif it... ppl out dere... u will haf enuff to make u tired out aft dis long break... cultural pot cuming ah... haha...

for dose hu dunno hor... rehearsal is on the 18/16 may... i not sure wich day lah... bt both days are so near... haha... **good luck** huh...

~*rock on NHDS*~

~* [[ = *~

.::brotherhood... take it away if u realli want::.

~*i lost my right to choose*~

~*since the time i choose to be wif dem*~

i m tired abt everyting...sumhow i m... i just came to realise tat i no longer haf a choice in whether to continue helping the sec3boys or not... cox i noe, no matter wad choice i made, the outcome will still be the same...

i didnt do much for dem, except for playing along wif dem... i m 'complained' by all lot of ppl for being biased... wich i wun deny... i M biased... but no matter how much complain i heard, i never care... cox i believe in wad i m doing...

but sumtime i start to tink whether everyting is worthot or not... den i can oli accept the sad reality...

the reality is... to continue helping dem... keep hoping and hoping... becox i dun haf a choice...

i wun haf the heart to let go... that is one ting for sure...

and wadever tat i do, i must tink of a whole lot of consequences... in front of different ppl say different type of story...

and wadever trouble or other stupid ting tat dey do, the next ting tat i can do, is to help dem settle it... i dun haf a choice...

iz tiring to say diff story, but i still haf to continue.. its tiring to pick up the mess... but i dun haf choice...

i nv put in so much... i m just like a mother... tat is wad i feel... sumtime... watching dem grow... hoping the best for dem...

i m selfish... selfish to haf the tout... i know sum mayb joking, but sumhow i just feel tat sumone or sum ppl in the grp realli mean wad dey say... kick mi out of the group...

if dey realli do that, i can onli smilllingly return the brotherhood shark teeth to dem... do i haf a choice? i dun haf... cox i know even if dey choose to take the shark teeth away, i will still do wad dey say... i can oli accept it... i will oli b sad, but i will not gif up on dem or do aniting bad to dem... cox i know i wun haf the heart...

~*i can oli say*~

~*i just hope the best for dem*~

.::why?::.

~*i dunno wad lah*~

~*i m tinking too much =x*~

~*bitchy mi =x*~

went out wif him [[1]] tat day...hah... fun lah... iz like normal friend... haha... happi le lor... at least i know i m happier like tat... haha... more relaxed... he is a grea friend...

ok... recently i tink i m getting too involved... i noe tat i cannot go on liddat... i m controlling le huh... i tink he [[2]] oso making tings clear... but sumhow iz like a bit the guai... sumting he do and the waty he trying to make tings clear contradict...

i noe wad i m doing... haha... go pia homework le...

~*why do i always go for the impossible?*~

~*if i sink in again..*~

~*iz another impossible case*~

~*haha... zai zai is gone*~

.::wwad can i do?::.

~*i can oli complain*~

to tink of it... wad can i do abt the whole matter except letting everyting end here... wif the different tinking of others?

i cant clarify... even if i clarify, u noe... iz still one sided... on my part, defencing myself...

i just hope tat dose hu dunno a single tiny little bit of ting abt wad realli happened to shut the f**k up... not tat i heard aniting recenly... but sumhow... dis ting just hang dere... feeling uneasi...

mouth on other ppl face... dey want to spread, no one will noe... i noe ur trusted mi... but the others dun... wad can i say?

sorri for keep complaining... although i know complain wun help.,.. but i still do... haix... at least let mi vent my anger k?

~*ya... rainbow oways cum aft a rain*~

~*if ot why izzit called a RAINbow?*~

.::i tout i waas orite::.

~*i tout i was orite*~

~*until i realise tat first impression counts*~

i tout everyting was over... until i realise tat SO mani ppl in nhss whom i dun realli know, dun like mi...

they are so close to XXX... the oli reason tat i can tout of is still tat ting... sorii... i know u trust mi, bt others dun...

to tell the truth, i tink up to dis point, ur actualli still believe tat i was the one hu... u cant possibly go and tell a person hu is on the verge of commiting suicide and sum1 hu is damn sad tat: U R THE ONE!!!iz normal to say sumting nice to let tat person feel better... if u insist tat the person is at fault, ppl will cum aft u, saying u 没有人情味... get my point?

mayb ur r just saying sumting against wad u r tinking... haix...

i dunno how to defend myself le... i can oli accept dis? but i cant... so wad can i do? no one can help mi...

i shd not be too involved rite from the start... i should not even be their friend... if i was not, den i wun get to know tat matter and nuting will happen... m i rite?

iz just another caase of my stupidity... so hu else can i blame? except myself...

so now... accept dis bahc....

sad case rite? haix.. i m the worst friend of all.. i never know wad to say and wad not to say... so dun tell mi aniting at all from now on wards... u noe.. hu knows when i will expose everiting rite? sad case huh...

i once tout that everyting is over...until now... i heard tings tat make mi feel tat way...ok sumone out dere is sure tinking tat...

dis stuppid girl, saying stupid tings again... she must be so damn seeking for attention... wah lao... hum... oli dare to say online... aiya... se throwing stupid tantrums again... dun care lah

expected... tats wad i can say...

~*i haf no choice in dis situation*~

~*the onli choice tat i can make has passed mi*~

~*i choose the wrong path*~

~*i choose to pick up the fone to listen to wad dey haf to say*~

.::hope, tats wad i m tinking now::.

~*why m i tinking abt tat again?*~

~*i m not brave enuff*~

i tout thru tings again... after so long tat i decide to let go, i m tinking abt it again..how stupid can i get?

i haf given up... the definition of given up is he dun occupy much of my touts animore... tat doesnt mean tat i dun tink of him...

it is not long, but 1 year is more dan enuff... more dan enuff for mi to haf trouble letting go totalli...

ya, i haf given up, but i still haf hope... i still hope tat sumting will happen... sum miracle or sumting.. i said miracle cos i know it will nv happen...

i know it sounds quite bad and bitchy, but i still haf hope tat he will realise how much i haf done... not alot to be compared wif others sumtimes... but to mi, i never do so much...

i sumhow cant stand seeing him so quiet at times... sumtime i tink i shd go and tok to him, bt i dun like the feeling of toking to him... all along i never like tat... he always gif mi the feeling tat i m toking crap and he cant b bothered... ya, i m toking crap, but...haix... so even now when i see him quiet, i usualli wun tok to him... cox i dun see the point...

the other time,just when i choose to gif up, i still tink alot abt him... little tings tat he do still gif mi hope... but dey r all false hope...

i noe i haf given up... but i dunno how long tat hope will stay within mi... i will try to let go totalli... i haf to... i dun haf a choice...

~*i haf to gif up totalli*~

~*i know i haf to*~

~*i dun haf a choice*~

~*i know him well*~

~*i cant keep him in my heart*~

~*ever since i start waiting*~

~*i lost my right to choose*~

~*the hope wun last long*~

~*i hope it wun*~

.::sbss::.

~*life can be veri fun*~

~*everyting is just my choice*~

i was going super duper hyper wif rachel lahx... haha... as in the past weekend..

first went to hwa chong... hehe... we were looking at shibin.,.. haha... he is cool lor... tats our conclusion...

den we decide to set up a club for him... havoc rite? sbss... stands for ShiBinSoShuai... i tink i was the one whu tout of it... aiya... jus for fun... i dunno how long the craze will last aniway...

i realise tat life can be dis fun... everyting is just plainly my choice... so i shd choose to be happi... :] hehe...

i learnt alot of tings from weihong... to mi, he taught mi a lot of tings... mayb he didnt realise... but i realli learnt alot... hehe... i feel 失败 at times... haha... but good to learn still...

haf to do sumting to my leg... i want to train my legs... my eg suck to the hell lor... i m bad wif my basic... so i swear to train hard after my knee heal...

i want to go to look for cheap 针灸, to solve the swell in my knee... i found cheap one, but i dun haf time!!!

hehe... happi... mrs wong invited mi back for the buffet lunch... honoured sia... bt i will be late aniway... cox i haf to study till 2.15...

i want the 2 dvds... go sms mrs wong and ask her abt it... :P

~*respect is sumting given to sumone hu deserve it*~

~*iz oso sumting tat has to be given out before it can be received*~

.::just plain today::.

~*how to earn respect yet be friends?*~

~*i dun tink i will ever learn tat*~

went to cckss in the afternoon to look for jin wei... i m interested in how he run a mass production... and i went there to look for my auntie hu is one of the canteen vendor...

first i met up wif my auntie and i told her the news abt my uncle... haix... now i wish for all the bestfor him and his family... dey haf alot to look after... i just pray tat his operation will be a success and pray that he will recover fast and be safe and sound

i saw the way he run the whole production sumhow lah... i was wondering how did he managed to be friends wif the youngsters yet at the same time earn their respect when he is commanding dem... iz the standard tat u require from dem...iz tough lor... i tink lah...

~*respect is sumting tat shd be given before u will receive it in return*~

.::sumting wrong::.

~*sad case*~

sumting is just terribly wrong wif my blogs... the template keep mixing up... i tink my com gt prob bahx.... aniway i go slp first tml den say...

i wan to cry le lor

.::crying again... cox i learnt::.

~*looking back*~

~*i expect to realise how silly i was*~

~*but oli to know how sad i was at tat period of time*~

mayb to alot of ppl i dun seem to be going thru alot dose dark days, wichis actualli last week... cox when ur see mi, ur feel tat i m orite...

yeh... i was orite on the surface... aniway, today when i went back to read the entries, not oli m i amazed by how mani entries i post, i was oso amazed by how i managed to get thru dose times...

iz like... even when i read back, i can still remember how sad i was... how i felt tat nuting can kip mi going animore...

but today, ur saw a different mi... i m oright now... i was just too stressed up? cox tings turn out well when i started to go out and play, and when time solve all my questions slowly...

the time pass real slowly... it is... except in the morning when i m in sch... i will not haf time to tink of tat... the rest of the time, i m jus plain depressed... but i m orite now...

i shed tears when i read the entries again... i realised how much friends ard mi played a part in my life... even the person tat i hate most played a part... i learnt to not b merciful to ppl like dem...

i realise tat i may claim tat i dun care, but sumhow, at the end of the day, i care... i just dunno how to say... ix the same feeling as not being able to open ur mouth to tell ur parents : 'i love u'

i realise tat no matter how down i m, sumone or her will always be dere... i m just feeling damn guilty tat becox of mi, i hai until so mani ppl unhappi, especialli daryl... i oso mah fan alot of ppl... thank you Daryl, Zhongyi, Sam, Zhenyu, Weihong, Shibin, Yincheong, Hannbin, Dallan, i tink i missed out a lot of ppl... wah... i created trouble for dese ppl... dey r dose hu helped either by cheering mi up, helped mi, or simply just listen to mi... iz enuff... :) tats the best that i can ever get...

realised all dance ones? yeh...nhds rock on... we r one big family... :)

.::i dun care..hee::.

~*i used to care*~

~*but now i dun!!! :) *~

i used to care how ppl look at mi... den recently i heard from sumone tat sum ppl out dere in the world dun like mi... as in buai song mi...

like the usual mi, i tink for quite sumtime... den i wasted so mani brain cells tinking why dose person dun lyk mi... den i cum to a conclusion... hee

dey dun like mi, let dem be... i dun live my life for dem... i can sense hu is fake and hu is not...hee... so let it be.,.. if u sensed tat i m fake to u den mayb i buai song u bahs...

hee... if unsure must cum and ask mi first... in case gt misundstding...

aniway... life is liddat la... haha... mouth on ppl face, brain in ppl head, heart in ppl body... wad can do to change? iz possible but iz time consuming... and currently i gt no tme for it...

advice to all... if ppl bu shuang u or hate u, as long as dey dun cum disturb u, jus accept it... wad can u do? unless iz misundstding den tey go clear tings up

~*like it or not*~

~*iz never my choice*~

~*if dey r happi hating mi, let dem be..*~

~*but warning...*~

DUN CUM AND DISTURB ME!!!

Hee... evil abit lah... haha... but i mena wad i say...

.::i m ok::.

~*a million thankx to dose hu helped and stand by mi*~

~*a million sorri to dose hu i offended*~

to dose hu are concern... i m orite le... i tink... had a great day today.. and i tink the next cuming few days will just be as great... go sch on monday and explain to teacher tat i cant run...

aniway...the past few days were long and bad... i waited for dis week to pass... i waited for veri long... now iz abt to be over... i started tinking back...why i was liddat? aniway i dunno... i just hope tat i wun sink in again...i haf no more mental strength for it le...

dis few days... i hurt countless of ppl... so mani tat i hurt in one way or another... i can oli say i m ok now... i wun sink in animore... cos i settled the most few pressing probs... as for hu tat senior is, i dun care le... i nv have tat tout... tings will prove itself rite too... i m not XXX... :P

i sumhow realise how to look on the brighter side...ppl accuse wun die one rite? sumone told mi tat... i know lah... but give mi time to accept tat... i will... i dunno how long i will take...

sori if i treated u words as rubbish or aniting... i realli cant tink well dose few days... i was nv tat down before... i dun tink i will be tat down ever again...

to ppl out dere whom i went out wif today... can tell ur tat ur never fail to make mi laugh but oso nv fail to make mi cry... but thx aniway...

i will nv tink of ending my life ah... i nit the world, as much as the world nit mi in sum ways...i haf to watch ppl grow... not just younger friends but my sis too...

no one cum to dis world by chance...all of us played a part in each others life... ur are dere for a reason... u dunit to find tat reason... just do ur best for each other and tings will be orite...

life will be beautiful... as beautiful as before...

.::inspiration song::.

~*heard dis song during GOMES house election*~

~*it woke mi up frm my deep dream in my sorrow*~

Mariah Carey - Hero

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

[Chorus:]
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

[Chorus]
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way
[Chorus]

.::thank you::.

~*thank you for ppl out dere*~

~*i will be alright soon*~

for dose hu tried to help... thx... i m just hurt... give mi time to recover... mayb tings will be orite soon...

apologies can be great antidote...but dey too nit time to take effect... so give mi time...

~*i will be orite soon*~

~*i tink...*~

~*if i dun jump down frm the pyramid tml...*~

~*everyting will den be orite*~

.::accusations?!::.

~*accusations cum from others*~

~*sumting tat i cant control*~

~*so i no longer gif dem a damn*~

~*i just want to put everyting to a stop*~

~*mayb even my connections wif the world*~

life, mood and attitude of mi in the morning and at night is totalli different... i can be smilling happily but tat does not mean i m happi inside... 自闭, staring into space... make mi laugh... i laugh simply imply tat i cant control my laughter... not tat i m orite...

why does bad tings oli hit mi at nite... it will left mi to cry thru the nite... end up? i m left wif swollen eyes...

dere are tings tat i didnt say and didnt tink of but sum idiots out dere put into my mouth... so, in the end, everyting originated from mi... COOL rite? i m forever the one... forever the big mouth here... forever the one wif the MOST evil plan in the world... forever the most cunning one in the world trying to RULE CHINA ah?

wad others say is forever the truth and wad i say is oways shit... can sumone tell mi wad i haf done to deserve all dese? simply becox i went too close to dem?...

no offence, but asking mi to cheer up wun help... cos i realli dunno how to le...life just keep moving on and time just keep passing on... but i m forever stuck here wif accusation from others...

can sumone at least cum here and ask mi b4 spreading tings ard?

ya... i told dem not to tell u aniting cox i tink u are not trust worthy...

ya... i m trying to rule NHDS, just like tat XXX

ya... i nv put in ani effort to help... i m forever telling u tat i dunno...

ya... dis ting concern oli the 3 of u... i m just another ka po, putting shit into my own mouth...

say i 小气，心胸狭窄，or aniting... so long time le, i still rmb... apologise to mi le i still bring it up to kao pei...

i tell u... i dun care... cox i HATE accusation... accusation can make mi die... since young, i m like tat... i hate being 冤枉...

i can easily forget it if tings dun hit mi all at once... but imagine.. in less dan 1 week, i m here crying dunno how to handle tings animore... to tink tat i go to sch i still put on a happi front... cox i noe tat if i m sad in sch i haf to repeat everyting... i just hate tat... it oli incur more anger and no solution at all...

not tt i dun accept ani help or aniting... but dese tings cant be settled by others... everyting will cum back to mi in the end... i can oli face dem myself...

but no matter how hard i try, i get tings off my mind... but b4 tings are totalli gone, another accusation hit mi again... so wad can i do?

so i tink the best solution is to accept the accusations and put everyting in mi... when i reach my limit... nuting in dis world can hold mi back animore...

i m now just hoping tat i will hear no more accusation... cox i dunno when i will reach my limit...

for dose hu haf intention to help... plz let mi handle dis myself... the limit is still far off... and i know... even if i claim tat i will end my life, i still dun tink tat i haf the courage to do it... i still haf tings not complete... yaya... stupid crap dese are...

i felt like a slut when i read ur blog... u r concern abt him... i m concern abt her... seeing her sad... i m sad too... she is my friend... all 3 of ur are... wad can i do? why did u even blog tat in ur entry... yayayayaya... i m the one hu tell her everyting k? why did i go tell her? aiyo... stupid mi... so sorry... i didnt tink of consequences before saying aniting... yaya... dis ting concern the 3 of ur only... so sorry tat ur 2 actualli choose to tell mi abt it when it happened... so sorry tt i get to know the 3 of ur... so sorry tat i m ur senior... veri sia suay ah... so sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry

is dis wad ur2 want? here... i give it to u... if ur insist i m the one hu did it... den i shall give ur wad ur want... dozen and dozen of apologies... for sumting tat i didnt do...

i nv betray ur trust...if i was the one... i would admit, but i m not... i want the smile on her face... cos i tink she deserved to be 幸福... but cum to tink of it now... maybe u dun deserve her... cox u betray her too... maybe the one hu backstab u, wanted to let u have a taste of betrayal...

ya... i m EVIL accept it... i m selfish... accept it... i m stubborn... accept it...

~*the evil one here shall rule*~

~*the ka pao one here shall spread more tings ard*~

~*the betrayer here shd tell even more ppl abt it*~

~*the lazy one here shd cont to not help u wif aniting*~

.::sad, disappointed::.

~*dun avoid*~

~*depression*~

i dunno wad caused mi to into depression... i oli know i m at a lost dis morning... dunno wad to do next... but now i m ok le... thx to zhongyi ah.. thank you for toking to mi... i reallise how childish i m... my tinking i mean... now tings were beta,i tink i nit to cry all out... beta dan mi kip tinking abt it...

i m having depression... apology to sum and mayb dose tat i cause ur to feel buai song... cox iz like i m just plain sad... dunno over wad...

the following time will be devoted to handle my relation well, kip track of my hp bill, educate dem... i wan the best for dem... i will prove to the others tat dey too can be good... time is the oli ting tat matter... i wun side dem unreasonably le... dey wrong i will oso scold... actualli i m scolding dem whenever dey r wrong... just tat ppl outside didnt know... the next more impt ting is to kip my baby company... sumhow felt tat we drift le... i tink i m not toking enuff to her or not doting her enuff... i promise i will try to improve terms between us...

~*depression for a while oli*~

~*sorrie for dose whom i bothered*~

~*thankx for dose going thru dese wif mi*~

.::iz time to clarfiy tings::.

~*i tout tings thru*~

~*oli to realise tat my greatest enemy is myself*~

i was feeling bad when i first typed tat entry... den slowly i realise tat i m trying to find out hu knows mi well... i tink... i admit tat i m petty and abit the bully dose weaker but i tink i dare to say tat i treat ppl nice not becox i nit deir help in future... except for a few... ;)

sorrie if i caused ani touble or aniting... i m just plain childish...

aniway i was hit badly by sumone comment... i came back to nhss and on good terms wif the sec3boys cos i wan nhds to run the way i want it to... dey will be in power soon ah... i felt terribly WRONGED... it was never my intention from the start... i can die from ppl wronging mi...

~*i wan to know hu tat person is!!!*~

.::m i realli like tat?::.

~*although i type wad i typed*~

~*but i still doubt myself*~

~*m i realli like tat?*~

ok... even i myself dunno myself well... althoug i typed dose in the previous entry but i still not sure whether i m realli like tat...

as in... i m refering to the way i treat my friends... m i treating dem nice simply for the sake tat dey may b useful to mi in the future?

i dunno... but i asked 3ppl... gt 2 tell mi tat i m not like tat... wad can i say? seems to mi, i m just tat bad... especialli when it cums to facing him...

can sumone jus tell mi wad exactly i m tinking?

~*cry,sad,sob*~

~*but i still dunno the answer*~

.::BAD points about mi!!!::.

i added new tings...

i m oso tat kind of person hu get jealous easily... little tings... i like to be recongnise.. especialli when i do tings... i wan ppl to know... when ppl dunno... i will go crazy sumhow...

~*see dis before u decide to cont to b my friend*~

ok...basically... dis entry is to let ppl know my bad points... ppl out dere... b it u hate mi or treat mi as ur friend, as ur close friend or as ur best friend or aniting... plx read le before u continue being my friend or aniting...

to mi, i m not as simple as u tink i m... ya.,... i m tomboy... blah... not acting like a girl or aniting... but i can tell u i dun care... i dun realli care how ppl look at mi...

i used to care... until i realise tat life is tough caring more abt others rather dan spending time caring abt ur own self...

i m jus sumone hu oways like to bully ppl hu are weaker dan mi... dose hum ones... and ppl younger dan mi... dis cos mi to behngry for power... i m hungry for power... i tink iz quite obvious...i tink i m just abit like tat OS... going back to nhds for power... at times to mi... tats wad i tink... not always... iz bad enuff

next is the fact tat i help ppl for sum causes one... i m good to u... simply i m scare tat when i nit help no one is dere for mi... at least when i help sumone now... tat sumone will be dere to help mi when i nit help... so i mayb good to u and help u, but the real reason to why i help u may not be the fact tat i treat u sincerely or sumting... but simply becos of the fact tat u may haf 利用价值 in the future.... believe it or not... i tink i m like tat...

i may be nice to u at one moment but keep shooting u the next moment simply becox tat u pissed mi off... i get pissed easily... sumtimes i shoot u simply becos i tink tat u r funny... funny as in reaction... oso the KICK tat i gt when i BULLY some one... i m like tat...

i like to bully ppl when i haf a backup... i m jus like dose stupid gangster out dere.... just tat i m HUM... not brave enuff to BE a clever gangster.... to say the truth... one of my sub concious aim is to be a gangster hu is good at everyting... i m just sumone bad...

i m petty too... tats why i bu shuang ppl so easily... once u do sumting to piss mi.,.. i will start racking out old tings tat u pissed mi and i will keep shooting u till u die or i die...

i never hate ppl... i just hate one in my life... i tink a lot of ppl know le... mayb tat person noe too... but i m still treating tat person nicely... cos he is still USEFUL to mi now... in sum ways...

i oso like tings to be done my way... so when i give advice, u dun heed... i will be damn bu shuang... but if u are able to gif mi reasons tat i can accept to explain wad i said was wrong... den i will give in...

i m wicked... bitch jian, despo or ani other tings bad... but i m just wad i m...... accept it and be my friend or hate mi... all u want... or treat mi like the way i mayb treating u now... but i dun tink i m useful in ani way...

evil mi huh... so wads ur decision now? still treat mi as ur friend?

dun tell mi to go and tok to anione to sort itngs out... i oli tok tings out wif hums... cox easily settled... as for other ppl... i wun tok to him or her if i dun care abt him or her... so... if i dun tell or tok u abt ur prob... tat means i dun care...

if i do tok to u... iz either i realli caare or the fact tat u may b useful tomi in the future...

.::NHDS::.

~*the good results*~

~*are sure worth waiting for*~

ya... happiee... rock the whole stadium sia.. hehe... run ard stadium... aft everyting gt one stupid person cum kao pei mi... i dun care...

zhu lin result wait till quite late... ur did ur best... ur rawk... WE DID IT AGAIN... straight golds... just wad we wan....

ur did it together... we are one NHDS

~*zhulin gold*~

~*oai oai oai gold wif honours*~

.::dis few days::.

~*fine but pain*~

nuting much happened except the two perfromance...

for the first time in my life... i walk in the shopping mall in my costume... and make up...

why... it oways rain during our outdoor nite performance...

sumone's pant split... audience saw... abit the my fault... sori... hee...

i fell... i hit my knee cap... and the surrounding area... dun seem bad but i know it is... hit one old injury... walk will abit pain... hit another leg... cannot even kneel...

tatx all

.::ya::.

~*ya... crying dun help*~

~*i will control*~

ok... basicalli, i started my day off wif much hope... just like wad i haf blogged ytd... wich was changed when i reached sch... i was struck by disappoinment.... den came mani rounds of crying... so basicalli, today i go nhss i did nuting much during deir dance pract except slp and cry and eat WAFFER BISCUIT!!! dey rock lor...

oh ya... today make koonhui hulk up... finalli... budden iz like... i felt bad towards him... i was oreadi so sad and depessed den he cum alon at the wrong time and step on my tail... so in the end he die... dio blasted by mi... in the end he pushed mi to the door near the piano...

cool... sorrrie koonhui... damn bad mood today sia... but sumhow i achieve sumting... hee... he finalli hulk up...

tok to him abt his prob tat i heard frm the others... den i dunno he gt listen or not... but i seriously hope he gt... cox i will help him...

aniway... den did sumting...went wif mrs wong go buy food for sec2 and 3 nkf... i tink dey veri hungry... hee... but sumhow the food dun seem to b veri nice...

dey went for nkf... vomit blood ah the sec3 and sec1s.... wah lao... sec1... blur until dunno wad to say... blur still nvm... slowly dey follow instruction... budden the prob is dey dun even listen... sec1 girls hor...start playing wif dem and dey climb over ur head...

warning to all.. i undstd dem le i tink... so plz plz heed my advice... dun get too close to the sec1 girls... play wof dem and dey dun treat u like senior and climb over ur head...

next is sec1 boys... siao sia... oso play and play... budden i dun realli know dem yet so no advice for ur... cos iz like i m still testin out... see scold gt use or notx...

one big prob wif the sec1 is dey not detailed enuff... wah... keep assuming and assuming and assuming... dey will die like tat...

sec3 up next... wad can i say? abit the disappointed wif the gals sia... i tink dunit to sya dey oso know le lah... wah... sumone go cos traffic jam becox of sum idol... hor? hee... dun mention name... tink a lot ppl know le... i just tried to pull her along...

guys... aiyo... doing quite fine... cox dose veri playful ones not ard... ppl like... sxx bxx, yxx cxxxxx... i dun mention name... cho obvious le lah... the few dere can take charge... gt power sia... cont testing out the sec1 guys tml or shd i say later? hee...c gt use or nox...

ok... i the waiting area... i hit my head when i tried to do hou yao wif one finger... stupid mi go and put weight on my finger lor... sum BIG mistake make... got one big ba lu ku...

not being able to be wif the nkf thru out everyting tml... scare sia... wrry... scare sec3 and sec2 boys cant handle well...

thank you for tat email... it helped mi alot...more confident now sia... i assure you i will do my best... if one day i cant put in my best animore... i will inform u... den u can deal wif mi aniway u like... thanks for placing hope and trust on mi... :)

~*once a nan hua dancer*~

~*always a nan hua dancer*~

.::i m HAPPIEE!!!::.

~*mani tings happened*~

~*sad yet i get to learn*~

ya...today nhss gt dance... quitee sad at first becox of sum stupid tings... den aft tat ting settle le... den i sort of veri HAPPIEEEEEEE...

iz like... dese few days... i realised tat dey haf grown up and i realised tat i know dem quite well huh... hee... and i realli mean quite well... dunno how to say... not to say i know dem totalli, budden iz like i know deir character le...

i know how to be brothers wif dem le... :) mayb sum other gals reading dis post tink tat iz no big deal or sumting... budden i gif u dis job... go to a grp of ard 20 boys, hus age are younger dan u by 2 years except one... spend 2 and 1/2 years go and know dem well... it is no easy task... at least i tink tat sumone out dere wun b able to do it... since she draw such a clear line btw senior junior... apologies... i 'shoot' her again... cox i cant stand her... blahxxx....

~*i maybe on the verge of giving up*~

~*but i never regret helping*~

.::confrontation::.

~*i haf changed...*~

~*the old mi wun do tings liddat*~

after dese few days, i realised tat i haf changed... the past mi wun go and do sumting like i did dese few days... i tink alot of ppl know le... haha... damn obvious lah... first is mi stand dere tok to him... next is i sit dere tok to him until veri loud...

i can tell ur lah... he is jus plain bad luck... disturb mi when mi most stressed... so in the end... i jus soot until he die... i m even prepared to fight... i will slap him if he keep his stupid attitute... aniway... i realli hope settle le lah...

i shall not say animore tings abt him le lah... cox i scold him alot le...

back to mi... i realise i changed... aft i stop waiting... more and more act lian... more and more gangster like... i start wearing rings... haha... doing tings tat i didnt do in the past few months...

to tell the truth.. .no one in dis world is totalli not hum... just tat apparently i m less hum dan the other guys...

~*life move on*~

~*dun care wad other tink*~

~*自己高兴就好*~

~*life will be easier tat way*~

~*meaning in life can be found easily*~

~*just look at the bright side of life*~

thx for reading fortune for mi... iz accurate!!!

.::depression again?!::.

~*The place bring back oli sad memories*~

~*why do i keep going back?*~

~*my friends are dere*~

weihong ask mi why i everytime i go nhss i go into depression? haiz i dunno... den i start to tink... i gt the answer...

today, dey do props... mi d props, daryl do props... i suddenly feel sad... i want to cry... i want to let everyting out... but sumhow i cant cry...

here i am feeling guilty abt everyting... guilty tat my batch EXCO is such a big letdown... guilty tat i m such a loser, not doing enuff when we were in charge... we cause sum of the probs tat are present now... guilty tat i cant help to imprve tings when we were in charge... guilty tat now i cum back yet i cant do much... guilty tat i cum back do props yet i m kind of like slacking...

budden i realised today... wads the point of mi feeling guilty when i tink tat i didnt put in my best to do the props... wads the point even if i put in my best? the others, refering to the sec3boys... sum of dem are just slacking... dun dey even fel guilty or aniting?

i cant find animore meaning in helping dem... sumhow i start to tink tat dey are no longer worth it... i didnt do as much as daryl... but bcox of dem... i sort of receive negative comments... saying mi biased and every shitty ting...

i dun like her... simply becox she 'touched' the sec3 boys casuing dem sum stupid ting... sumting tat will not happen if wifout her... not to say dey not at fault bt hu is she man... ok... apologies to daryl... i m biased... i m harsh... budden i dun realli care...

iz just tat few more days... although i dun realli find ani point in helping dem... but i noe i will cont to help dem... :) i will stay happy... :)

.::tired? i am. do u know?::.

~*too many things at once*~

dere r just certain tings tat i just cant blog... but i sumhow haf to say it out or sumting to vent everyting... mayb i will tell it to sumone... but seems like no one haf time for mi now... even i m feeling tat i dun haf time for dose stupid tings tat i m undergoing...

to mi... the impt ting now is SYF... i was toking to daryl... den i realise tat being part of it in the last syf is not as stressful as wad we are going thru now...

tat is the problem wif graduates... know wad is wrong... but can do noting...

mayb i will write everyting into a letter? hee...i dunno...

~*Once a Nan Hua Dancer*~

~*Forever a Nan Hua Dancer*~

.::tirred::.

~*the same old word appeared as title again*~

i m tired...aft so many days... i decide iz time to blog again... occupied by nhds blog... i delete the previous blog cox iz like it cause alot of misunderstanding around moi... hee... so delete beta... mi tired of explaining... sianz...