.::stop lying to myself::. .::i am not that happy afterall::.

~*maybe i really should not lie*~
~*i am not that happy afterall*~
~*i know people are careless at times*~
~*but i know i am not*~

i know people are careless at times... but when you are careless enough to miss someone out, it simply means that that person just dont mean anything... maybe not dont mean anything...but just not that important...

my right eye twitched like siao before this... hmm... so i suppose this is just the thing that it is refering to...

poeple come and go in your life without saying anything... that seems sad.. .i never want that to happen.. i think that is the reason why i always want replies and want things to be accounted for?

sorry...mouse... abit fierce... maybe you think i am abit stupid.. but it just seems not right... not once but twice huh... leave without saying anything hauha......haha... thank you for remembering and informing me that you are leaving NOWADAYS... haha...

i also dont know how to put this across... but i think most of you all understand...

i hope i understand... i hope i know... i hope i learn from lessons... but so sad i dont... so many things that are just going up and down and yet they are not within my control... how i wish that things can be within MY control... but so sad... there are just so many things that i never know how to let it go the right way...

one of which is emotions... happy or sad, it is never me... it is always something that someone do... or something that happen or maybe someone...

i think most people are just like that... yes... we move in and out of people's life.. it is really time for me to move on... i know... but maybe before i do that, i really should stop lying... stop lying to myself that i am happy...

there is this stupid question in my mind... that i dont have a single idea how to ask... maybe that is the question that i will have for long... time will be the answer... i mean.. that is what i have been doing all the while...

should i believe in my tarot cards... it is always never true when it comes to good things? it only seems to be true when it comes to bad things.. i am not sure.. but seems like things now are just what my tarots are saying... maybe it is time to ask again..

i have my fear... fear... what if this time round it is something not good?i dont know... that is why i choose not to do anything... choose not to touch my tarot cards... maybe it is really time to ask again... and maybe it is really time to move on...

i dont know... lets hope it rain tomorrow... maybe i will then have the chance to walk in the rain... when you walk in the rain when you are sad, it just give you the chance to cry... cry in the reality... no point crying at home... cause you are in your world... not in reality...

maybe walking in the rain will makes you think that you cried... cause you dont knwo which are tears and which are rain drops... so ... i will be happier after i have 'cried'

ok.. i typed a whole lot... but i lost them... managed to recover only this bit... but still i will continue...

i think i hate my brain... or i hate my heart.. or i hate both.. cause they never discuss... my heart is always doing whatever it wants... ok... i hate my heart... it always left my poor brain to think about what to do next... and she just simply doing and getting whatever that she want...

stupid...

no one can really control most of the time... not even me... idont know how to... cause it is always something that someone do, something that happened or someone that control or rather affects it...

maybe it is really time to stop lying... and sorry if you dont understand what i am trying to say...


cause that is just what i intended to do... no one will understand what i blogged...

i blogged because i dont know how to tell someone or somepeople how i feel.. so through blogging... hoping that heaven will decide whether they will get to see this entry... so... maybe i am referring to something that you have done all these while?

haha... i think i should end here... cause ultimately.. i can change whatever that is happeneing...

i can only conclude that i dont mean as much as i thought i meant...

i thought i meant more.. but sadly i dont... so.. hmm... careless or whatever.. or i concluded too much... or i over senstive or i paranoid... anything... i dont care...... ok... i hope i dont care...

so maybe if you thought i am refering to you or you and your friends in any entry, you can just ask me... the answer will be YES or NO, but dont trying asking for anyother things else.. cause i know i would not say...

so if it is YOU, or YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS, and you ask, i will just tell you...

hmm... naggy and crappy...

i just have to smile... cause i kknow i dont have enough reason to cry...

maybe i will walk in the rain tomorrow...

~*smile*~
~*rain*~
~*cry*~
~*i will be happier*~
`u wil nv ask`dun even noe if u read NOW`even if u do`i jux noe wad i wil say