.::that is my life::.

~*everyday just come and go*~
~*maybe i am not that sad afterall*~
~*i think i am just not busy enough*~

if only i am more busy, i would not have all those free time to think about things...and i would not be so sad... if i am more busy...i would not have more time to visit places that will bring sad things into my mind... if i am more busy things will just be alot better...

all the ifs... all the maybes... all the i wishs... all the i hopes... all the crap...

nothing is real... or at least... nothing is real or true for me...

down is the direction that everything is going towards... a direction that no one hopes to see... but still who can put everything to a stop?

hope that he really can help... all his plans... i never know... i only have fear... fear that i will stand in the way.. maybe i should really have move on...

maybe i should just leave when i am having only happy memories... dont want anything sad to come with me...

maybe... maybe... so many maybe... maybe i should just shut up...

life is like that... i felt as though i am slapping myself all the times... contradiction after contradictions... maybe one day they will just cancel each other out... and i will be true to myself one day...

the decision may seem easy...but it is not that easy afterall...

when will i learn to be truthful? i dont know... god knows... ya right...

i told myself... i made the decision...move on... but what did i do in the end? i am still stuck here... how sad or how much worse can things get... failure...

i am still here... struggling... ya... that is me...

i am still the strong me... i still have to smile... cause i know i cant cry... nothing comes out... and it dont really help...

blue is for sad... what other colours are present here?

~*smiles*~
~*maybe things are not that bad afterall*~
~*i am trying to change*~
~*did you notice?*~
`decided`iz oli whether i can do wad i decides on`i will try