The qualities of a boyfriend

Something that I was discussing with Jasmine last night. So many things to say, but the things are always changing time to time. I blog about this before! I guess, with Love, everything change! Nothing matters anymore.

Place my blog address on facebook! Random.

Waiting for time to pass. So here I am to blog.

Everything is finally finally over. And I really mean it. Moving on. I guess thats just so me.

It is difficult for me to make a decision on something, but once I decided, I will be determined! And I am out of it!

Ok, back to the title.

A boyfriend should give you his shoulder to cry on.
A boyfriend should be gentleman (I think)
A boyfriend should be caring (Jasmine think)
A boyfriend should not let you wait too much
A boyfriend should try to have dinner with me (I hate dining alone =C)
A boyfriend should be thoughtful (Jasmine think)
and the list just goes on and on and on...

I am bored! So I shall not continue.

I have to agree, it is easy to fall in love but difficult to stay in love. Let me think where should I go tomorrow night.

for a reader who dont read anymore

There are so many things to say and yet the one that this was meant for never read anymore. It is not easy, not even now. But it shouldn't hurt anymore ba. I hope. Thinking of whatever that they might be doing now and the time that they are spending together. Convince me that he wasn't that good afterall and he isn't the better one that I deserved like he said before. When will I meet the one for me?

a trip went wrong

I was so looking forward to the trip and it all went wrong! I was looking forward to driving, to the place, and I even packed my bag and all! Argh

Everything is over

A love story that lasted for two years. There are memories that one forget and people around you rememebers. Whatever things that were once there is no longer there and will never be there again. I guess it is just another lesson learnt.

It was a long journey, not a happy one, painful in one way or another for anyone. Yet, love kept us going. It was love that puts up with all the nonsense and holding on, hoping that one day, something will be different. Yet this shows something else, how much love there is.

Lets stand by the belief that you love and take someone the way he or she is, not someone whom you want him or her to be two years down the road.

There is really no factors to determine who is better in relationship, and no way to determine who is at fault in a relationship.

Remember the days when time is always spent together. Always know where is the other party, always knows where to find him or her, how he could be found simply by calling my phone to look for him. How the bears once looks cute together in the car. How going to places that I never knew existed was interesting. How waiting for each other for meals is nothing but normal. How bringing me out to run arrears is normal duing work hours. How going down for breakfast is normal as well.

Was it the way the society was that made things changed? The stress from work and school made things turn out differently. How it is troublesome to inform where you are, how troublesome to have the bears falling all the time, how difficult it is to reply SMSes, how time is spent in office at work instead of outside, how dinner is starting to be a alone stuff, how bringing me out is no longer possible during work hours, how breakfast is time spent with someone else.

Things that I once wanted badly two years ago didnt happen these two years, was it because there wasnt enough love or just that the love was different? I kept asking myself that because I couldnt accept either one answer.

The flyer was the dream two years back and it became a burden on me, me having to plan, organise, inform and then subsequently turning up for it. I never do it, because of the uncertainty and also because I wanted the surprise maybe.

Fireworks was my favourite and yet I can no longer demand because of the hassle to go and park and the timing and all.

For all the things that I can never imagine myself living with, I lived with it. I lived with no SMSes, no movies, no concern, barely care, no talking on the phone, frequent arguments, bad temper, easily irritated self. I lived with it, maybe subconciously believing that I loved him so I can live with all of those.

I always had this struggle within me for being demanding and understanding. Demand for more time alone, yet have to be understanding that he is busy. Demand for replies, yet have to be understanding that he is replying other smses the whole day and it is tiring for him. Demanding for him to let me know where he is, yet have to be understanding that he is always everywhere. Demanding him to bring me along, yet have to be understanding that both his and my job nature no longer allows that.

I wonder did I not love him enough? I really really did wonder. I regret for things that I could have done, but then again, I wasnt sure whether it is right to do things that way and all. I cant convince myself whether I loved him alot to put up with all of his or I didnt love him enough to lead things to where they are now.

Whatever it is, I only hope that I really moved on. I am still worried of having spare time to myself, worry of whatever that might happen. That is the fact that I never really admit to anyone else until now.

Like the title of this blog as always, Life Moves On.

Thanks for the love.

现在的我

现在的我又错了。我想起了他。

I hope the song...

I hope the song describe what he went through... I hope the song describe what he felt...



For all of the time that i tried for your smile

For making you think that i was worth the while
So your love love love love love would be mine
For sending you flowers and holding your hand
That no one was there to take a stand
But then love love love made us blind
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
So sorry that i loved you
Sorry that i needed you
Sorry that i hold you tight
And I’m So sorry for...
Making you love me and saying goodbye
For being the one that taught you how to cry
It was love love love and it passed us by
For giving you every thing that you dreamed
For taking it back when i fled the scene
sorry love,for wasting your time
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
I’m so sorry that i loved you
Sorry that i needed you
Sorry that i hold you tight
And apology now after all of this time
Won’t make my difference tonight
But I’m hoping I’m Sorry will open your mind
To love love love love in your life
Sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
So sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry do can’t turn back time
I’m sorry that i loved you
I’m sorry that i hurt you
I’m so sorry that i loved you
I’m sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i loved you

Maybe he didnt. C= But it is ok.

Nights are sometimes unbearable

Let tonight be the last night that I am doing wrong things :)

Put make up tonight. The weather makes it good, or maybe with the facial wash my face is stable enough for this now. :) Good good. Continue tomorrow!

I was thinking about the 3 or 4 years ago 'Me'. Walking around in jeans and baggy tee, who will think that I will wear dresses one day? Haha. And I did. :)

Sent the car to the tyre shop to check on the wheels and woohoo! It is doing fine now, although there is still slight  vibration but yap yap, it is alright. :) Free! Good tyre shop who takes good care of tyre sold by them, with a nice boss!

Dinner coming, thrilled! Alright, got to work. and tomorrow need to take exam! Tada.

history

I let history repeated itself. I caused what happened 2.5 years ago happen again. I didn't do things right again. I really tout I was better!

Christmas Tree!

Tomorrow :) hmm. lets see. haha I want to see Christmas Tree!

Something strike me...

As a joke...

Haha. Friday was a sinful day because I gave myself time off to let myself be a student for the day. I watched friends Bball, went for KOI bubble tea.

That few hours of carefree student life. Something that I learnt to appreciate and cherish and treasure.

But I have no idea how being with someone can take all these away from me. I choose this path myself, to not study well when I can, to work, and to study and work. It is tiring. Not very tiring. Fulfilling.

always tempted

Always tempted to get a wallet. But what am I going to do with the wristlet when I get a wallet? Wonder

人

其实我很想他，但是我不想再做那个在乎的人。 我妒嫉，妒嫉在你身旁的不是我。她轻易，容易地在你周围，而我就算有再在多的心，也只有那么多的力。 有时不的不承认，作的永远比说的难。 人生！

Someone told me ...

Someone told me that I should be doing sales. hahaha. Not bad. Haha.

Hmm. sleepy all these days. And I want to have now is good bubble tea. Badly.

funny

Told me that u r feeling warm and the next moment u tell me to go up first while u stay there. I don't understand. U just have to wait for her I suppose. Go ahead, stick together

It strikes once again

So it happened once again last night:
--"What time you waking up tomorrow?"
-"Erm, 7.45."
--"What paper tomorrow?"
-"No paper tomorrow."
--"Then why you wake up so early?"
-"Work la, you think I very free ah?"
--"Can you dont end off with that? It irritate alot of people."
-"So who it irritate? You?"
--"Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up..."
-"Do I look like I am very free all the time?"
--"No, but there are times that you are free. shut up, shut up..."

So i decided to shut up. hoping that she will realise that those portions of my time that I am free is just a small percentage of the time that she spent on watching movie and gaming on her lappy.

Ridiculous. Let it be.

Working alone

Actually I should be used to working alone right? I mean, I have always most of the time been working alone? Hmm.

But the sight of people downstairs having dinner together before meeting make me feel out of place. So I came up to my own little corner. I feel like crying. Maybe it is just too many things all at once. But actually nothing happened really.

I wonder, did I love my work before because of you? If not then why I dont seem to like it now? Or just that I have an alternative, something to compare, and I realise that studying is so much better?

conclusion

Working on the go is IMPOSSIBLE! -.- a right click on a drawing will take 5 seconds for the menu to come up. And 2 reports took me 1 hour. Goodness.

Someone told me...

Someone told me that I am strong. Very strong. But do I want to be the way I am now? Do I want to be strong?

Sometimes it just gets so lonely that I dont even feel like going to bed, so lonely that I dont even feel like smiling and be happy, so lonely that the slightest concern can move me. But sadly, that concern is never from the right people.

No one will understand the effect of chocolate on me. Someone gave me chocolate today, it brighten my day for a while. Quite a while.

For the second time in 4 days, I have to order food, planning to have it in the restaurant, changed to take away at the very last min... No seats and I am alone.

"Will he reply?" is what cross my mind everytime I send him something, msn, SMS. And it is always so difficult to keep a conversation. I think it is difficult when one doesnt want to talk.

Study!

I want to watch fireworks. Maybe it is time to take some time alone. New year eve :) I hope.

im tired

I feel that I have done alot of school work these days. Had some issues over money. I don't feel right anywhere. Or maybe in school. That's the happiest place now. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm not heard or u r just not paying attention to what I said. Sometimes I wonder whether is it only me who is not getting reply or just anyone else. I said the unit number is going smaller but u didn't hear or didn't believe and u went on to verify. I feel tired of doing well. Say I'm like my dad. I never see the need to save. I'm not doing enough but I'm giving up. Can I don't be good anymore? Did u see me trying to save money by wearing shoes and clothes that the others bought but don't wear? I can don't do that. Did u see that I'm helping out with housework when u r not around but the others aren't doing anything when they are the more free ones? Did u see me stop spending money on facial and pedicure? Did u see me stop buying shoes and not even getting myself a new wallet? What am I doing all these for when ultimately someone just tell me that I'm not doing enough? You never even ask how much more I owe my dentist. For the sake of the presents I'm even contemplating to not go to the dentist next month because I know I don't have enough. I'm not happy. What's the point? What's the point when I feel that no one is there? Maybe just one other person now but then again, no one will understand.

Sometime ago

Sometime ago I tweet, is it weird for me to be around or more weird for me to be not around.

I rather you just tell me that the car has no space, which I totally believe and totally agree to, than to tell me that it is weird for me to be around.

And now, if I dont ask, you wouldnt tell me that you are having lunch with her parents? No need to tell me? Not when you know that I mind? Whatever. Not important.

PS. It wasnt that bad afterall, come to think again. To know or not to know doesn't pain me anymore.

Can I be a normal employee?

Can I be a normal employee who knocks off on time, works OT sometimes and only on some days?

So what if I dont mess up my work, so what if I complete my work, there are still people who think that I am not performing. So crap.

So which is which?

I guess I was overly affected by what happened last thursday. I had a bad cry on Friday night in the office.

Yes, you never read wrongly, I was in the office on Friday! I stayed and worked till 12 plus. And it was a diappointing night that ended off with a not-too-bad drink at Bukit Timah.

So I was asking, is being busy a sign of inefficiency or just plainly too much things and too little time?

I kept thinking of that conversation during the ride. But I realise I couldnt remember what was the conclusion and what is the situation? If only things were different and if only they stick to what I planned.

Maybe this is just a crisis at work for just ME only.

I am tired.

planning ahead

Sometimes some people are just meant to do one thing and not the other. Sometimes I hope that the boyfriend is someone less reserved. Someone more daring with his love. :) sleeping time

sad truth

I realized a sad truth today. I'm still the same old me. Paranoid, insecure, emotional and all the other negativity. Sad for me. And painful to admit. Maybe this lonely Sunday night is the cause.

am i on track?

Look at the time. I'm tired. I was watching Korea video. Watching them makes me feel like loving more, be with someone more. I wonder whether I'm on track. I wonder whether I'm learning. I want good grades and I want a loving bf and I want things to go on smoothly. Can I have all three for Christmas? Santa please. That's all I need. Can they fit into a sock? :p Time to bed. And more drawing of valves tomorrow! I love shopping in furniture shops! It is just nice to walk around, with no negative emotions. :) Thank God!

rarr rarr

Crazyday. To come to programming without battery and without charger. If only I check. If only I drove. I told her to ask jasmine to book. And to get shouted when I tried to borrow from the useless sister. Bastard

Thats just an expression

Try putting lack of sleep, work, homework and some trouble at work into a mixer. What do you get? Frustration. So do just let me shout about it with a co-worker to vent it. FOR THAT MOMENT ONLY!

love the iphone

Love the iPhone to the max. The ease that I have. Time to take a break! 休息是为了走更远的路。I feel touched and proud of myself at this moment. :) so touched that I can cry. Touched that I was given this chance. :) and so touched that I managed to take that step. And I don't want a lonely Christmas. :) and I need a holiday. Thank god it is a short week! I can get my much awaited swim! Yawn. Sleep time.

Thank God

I was facebooking and blog hopping around some of the few blogs that I always read. And as always, I will go facebook and check up on some people, usually people who were once in my life.

Reading information off blogs and looking at pictures on facebook, for one moment, I thank God for what I have now. I cannot imagine it being different.

Great that I am where I am now. :) Not some where else.

Steamboat later with L and his family! Maybe coffee with qg tonight. Maybe I should practice my Maths tutorial? :p

Classmates agree that lecturers should force us to finish up our maths tutorial and hand them in for grading! But they dont.

Back to work!

dream

I dreamt of the boyfriend a couple days back. It wasn't a bad dream like before. In the dream, the boyfriend held my hand and took me to somewhere that looks like esplanade. And he kissed me and everything else was good. And that day I had a dream. I dreamt of cockroach and i jumped off the bed in real life. And whatever that I dreamt recently made it difficult to fall asleep last night. I remembered that time when I didn't hold on to that pair of hands at the reservoir and how the songs bring back memories and how someone told me that there is one firefly. I'm missing everything badly

Amount of things to be done

Can I complain about the things that needs to be done on my list? Can I complain about the things to be taken care of here?

I am so F***ED up now. Feeling vexed.

I need to talk to people, but I guess every other one around me have just the exact same sentiments as me and are just as vex. A couple of them I suppose.

The first class that I skipped for this sem, how great. But it is the first week after all.

crazy

When she went down to ask for those stuff that she wanted, I was downstairs. And I remembered saying that I have those things that she need but I will nee to amend. But she never even acknowledge whatever that I said. This morning, people called and asked me for the things. Can I act blur and don't produce anything since no one told me anything? I should right! But I didn't. Two projects to clear and other stuff to clear

So whatever

First thing first, EVERYONE, ok, most people like to joke about the things I comment and maybe I should take pride in bringing Laughter.

But then, I do mind being joked by someone whom I know for less than 3 months! Hello~! WHO ARE YOU?!

And please, I dont mind it when you joke, but i mind when other non-related and not-involved people join in your fun.

Some things are just very subjective, like colour of the car that you had and all those. AND the impression that I had that most cars in THAT car park is black. Please go and count, BLACK confirm dominate.

And hello, so she know more about your car, more sensitive to colour, more sensitive to whatever that you said? The bloody truth? She have more time for them!

so stop acting like you know me very well, because you dont, we only know each other for less than 3 months. And stop talking like you told me before, because there is just so much that I know.

Dont sound like you told me

Please dont sound like you told me EVERYTHING, because you didnt. Just because sub-conciously you remembered you told someone, or to be more exact, you remembered you telling a girl, doesnt mean that person is ME, because it is not.

I didnt know of anything. I didnt know that you had physio, I didnt know that you dropped your car in the showroom and I didnt know that this morning you had training because you never tell me anything. So when I asked, please dont reply me in the I-told-you-already or how-come-you-dont-know tone.

steamboat

Had steamboat yesterday and it made me want to work harder! I want to increase my GPA. Feels difficult! Hmm Sometimes it is sad and angry to know about things of your boyfriend from other peoples mouth. But after that moment of anger, I realize that getting angry just because I want him to know that I mind. Getting angry all the time just because I want attention but I guess that it isn't going to work anyway. So no point getting angry and getting the attention because it doesn't really mean anything. Waiting to get into the plant and I'm hungry! Hmm. What should I have for dinner? Haha Starting school soon! Have to catch enough sleep so I don't sleep in class! This holiday is over in the wink of an eye. And please someone remind me that I have to apply for my GEM this Monday!

hmm.

This morning, a message came in. 3.955 GPA. hmm. It could have been better actually. But it is very good already.

Should I go? I asked myself. And then I decided to go. Then I asked, what time we going? Not going le...
HELLO! Can you all like at least inform me?! Felt so idiot.

Hmm. I want to knit, I want to read, I want to do cross stitch.

God have his way

So many things happened these days but everyone is still kept busy and the job is being spread out. Haha. God really have his way. (: bless my dear.

blog

Shall blog while waiting for the guys to come out. Hmm. Realise something recently. I suppose it is the level of maturity that matters. I can't be finding for those kind of teenage love out of what I have now. I should grow up! Someone is in India!

Something today

Something that happened today made me realise the need to be optimistic.

Whatever that happened the past week threw all the efforts down the drain. And today, nothing happened is the fact that made me realise that being optimistic is more important than anything.

so many things

There is always so many things to SMS. But the sad truth is, I never get long SMS. I hate short replies and I hate no replies before. But I changed. I changed to accept.

worse drive

That was the worse drive back. From office to lawrence house on a Saturday. I was so drowsy from the medicine. And I was so careful but everything seems so blur and so not true. Oh my.

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, someone once told me something to convince me that things are suppose to be the way he said it should be.

Today, it reminded me how I used to spend my weekends when he is not around. Saturday is suppose to be days spent on catching up on sleep. And weekdays are just so busy with classes after classes, night class and driving lesson.

I was so alone then that I turned back to JD, hoping that there is someone who can talk to me. I didnt admit that before to anyone. No one knew about this and I suppose it is really stupid then.

I needed someone around me. Today, I remembered how to spend my weekends. But I also remembered how someone once knew that I was lonely but yet I am alone now again.

It is nice to knit and finish things up. Oh no, I am hungry.

Am I making sense? You can be alone but not lonely. I am not lonely.

Someone

Family members think she is 'fake'. Not 'fake' in a bad way, but rather, she might not be as nice as she protray herself to be.

So what was she thinking when she sms me, telling me to remind my boyfriend to bring his passport? Why didnt she sms him directly? Was she trying to let me know that she know more about him, know more about his needs, or just plainly, want another person to remind him?

What puzzled me was, why cant she sms him directly and why didnt she want to sms him directly? maybe she really just wanted another person to remind him.

Sick again. another time in less than 2 months. Not pleasant. I slept the whole day yesterday at the boyfriend's house. A nice place to sleep. Quite and no disturbance.

It has been long

It has been a while since I last post. It is good, it just means that everything is fine. Whatever that occur here are hardly good stuff anyway, and I will hardly be in a pleasant mood when I start to post. And thats why I am here now.

I have work to do, but I am feeling plain lazy, knowing that even if I start, I cant finish it now, so might as well dont start. I shall do it over the weekend.

And it really take so much to stay happy, take so much to be ok about things, only to realise that deep down, there is still someone who affects you so so much.

I was browsing on facebook and I remembered another date, important date of my life. Okies, lets move on. Haas

I am sleepy and my eyes are uncomfortable. I suppose it is the eye liner. It irritates my eyes.

And once again, it is just me that is unsure about things and that doesnt require any assurance at all. Who am I afterall?

Sometimes, when the right feeling comes, nothing can be done to it right?

Useless

No one ever taught me that we have to take different role, take different approach when it comes to handling certain people. Nobody taught me that I cant do the same things as you do and I have to speak to them in another way.

But things doesnt help when I have such a bad morning and the next moment, that person came to me. I tell myself I will talk to her nicely but all she does was just 'shout' at me. You will only understand when you sit there.

I wonder why am I allowing myself to go through all those when the person sitting infront of me is just a supplier? But I know that I can never get that same price else where. So after putting up, I cry. Stupid and useless but thats about it.

How...

No one teach me and the next time I am just being labelled as being weird.

坚强

今天有人告诉我，我要坚强，不可以有半点垮下的现象。这样我才能勇敢，才能配的上。 可是我可以不要勇敢了吗？因为我怕。我怕当我学会了，我还是会一个人。原来，要选择离开比什么都来的困难。可是，也忘了，曾几何时，沉默变成了我们的沟通方式。

The Irreplaceable One

Do you believe that there is always this irreplaceable one in your life, with an attachment that is irreplaceable?

I was once told that, and I once believed in that. The inability to imagine life without someone might be the reason that made me believe in it then.

But over the days, I realised that this kind of bond or attachment might have the chance of being replaced.

I remembered those days when everything seems right and now, desperately trying to find out what is wrong and putting everything back into place, hoping that I will have enough time for all of that to happen.

I remembered how it felt to be afraid of someone, frightened by the fact that I am going out with that person. How the moment we meet up, the moment we start to talk, I am like giving all sorts of information, like 交待-ing. It was so pretty obvious to the one listening but not to me, only at the end of the whole conversation did I realise what I have been doing and it felt like a total embarrassment.

I remembered how I will make sure that I have something in my hand or I tucked my hand somewhere that couldn’t be reached. How I stand far on the other side of the lift on the way up. How I always hope that I will not meet any red light that I have to stop or any long red light.

But then some things are just meant to be. On a day that was so important to someone, I probably made it the worst day ever. Compared to whatever fear I felt with another person, the idea of living with someone else who I cannot comprehend was so much worse. It was once comfortable but when it is not, and I start to compare when we are not alone but with other people, I decided that this wasn’t what I want. Not the kind of event I will like to turn up in, not the kind of people that I can imagine myself hanging out with, not the kind of situation I will like to put myself into, not the kind of feeling that I wanted myself to be in. I don’t want to be with a group of people, older than me but not in thinking wise. It makes feel that I am moving back instead of forward.

There was no love then I suppose. The painful truth there and then was that. There might be once feelings of thrill and crush that teenagers have but not love, for either one, at that moment.

It might be just something for my lonely soul then. But things didn’t go well when things start to drain energy away. Maybe going back to something familiar then was the better alternative. Like the saying goes, it is always better to be with someone who loves you more than you love him.

Something just made me realised the fact that then, whatever choice I made was just the best of the two alternatives. And yes, with time, love can blossom. But by then, everything seems too late.

先入为主

先入为主。
1. 以为先接受的思想或形成的印象是正确的,不容易再听取不同的意见。即怀有成见


I supposed that was what happened over the phone on Monday night.

The opposites

Opposites do attract.

I once thought that lying next to someone I love is warm, but turns out it is not how I thought it will be.
I was once glad that I found warmth. Once. I really mean physically.

And with expectation, comes disappointment. I should be immuned to them by now. Should be, I have to be.

And the dream on Monday night, I rather I didnt dream. Because waking up to nothing, is the worst situation anyone can be in. At least I didnt dream last night, though I had the urge to go over every night.

Wake up!

Something brewing...

Something is in the process

Bad Day

A rainy morning, a bad jam, a bad drive to work, and to realise that the computer doesnt have sound, and needs to reboot, to realising that the gold ring on my table is gone.

It is gold in colour but it doesnt mean it is real gold IDIOTS! Ungrateful bastards.

Super pissed. I am to blame for leaving it there but then again, why steal?!

And if I dont even have $10, why would I ask him to wait for me to be back. So what if that is all that I am left with? Blame it on shopping. Too much shopping. But that comment was totally unnecessary. Not like I like the fact that I am broke.

What a day...

What a day. I am feeling so warm now. Oh my...

Hmm. There was something that I wanted to blog about and I forgot about what it is all about. There is so many things that I go through my mind all day about what I should blog about but at the end of the day, I forgot all about it. Oh my.

But... hmm... so many things crossed my mind today. Doing so many things and all the time driving, so many time to think. Haha. so many things went pass my mind. Haha.

Shall go knit.

珍惜

人通常都要等到失去了才来紧张，才来后悔和想学如何珍惜。
这样的事实好痛好残酷。我还在学。但我已经开始害怕，怕这一切都太晚了。
我想在新年再去看焰火。这次，我们两个人就好。

A happy day

总的来说，昨晚是一个蛮开心的一晚。

And for now, I am sleepy. Is it true that I can no longer live without the car? Hmm. Or is it just another habit that one have to get rid of? hmm. Something to ponder over.

Shall try to study tonight. Hmm.

Should I stay in the office or should I go home and study?

Today is 七七情人节.

Sometimes, I just hope that I dont try so hard to be good and right all the time. I will remember that smile when I opened the violin. Should I call that a laugh? haha. That makes my day.

at night

At night, when all i see, he is just a tired man who needs some comfort and someone to make him feel better. And I suppose that's all that I can do. And maybe that's why I wanna be around at night. And that's the time that I love him the most. Because there is no more energy for anything else.

too desperate

I realise I'm desperately trying to be part of someone's life. So desperate that I end up looking like an idiot because the things I do are never relevant and never up to date because I am never informed. Fuck it. I should stop this shit

sleepyhead

Had lunch with the boyfriend, or rather he pei me eat. And now I'm sleepy. And the cough coming back. :(

IRRITATED!

FUCKING HELL!

It is so very crude but nothing can explain the feeling and the amount of frustration now other than that word or another way will be to kill myself to vent it.

Get me out of all these shit.

Totally ridiculous and horrendous and to top it all off, I have this TAMADE craving for macdonalds breakfast which I fail to realise that L is going to central. But I suppose it doesnt really matter cause he will never know I want to eat. ARGH. KILL ME PLEASE~!

dropped

I dropped a bead from the winnie casing. And the Winnie casing is cracking. :( I think it is the vibration of the car lor. :( And I drank a bottle of beer. Seh but feel good. My eyes pain pain. :(

To drive or not to drive

People envy that I can drive. That I can go places as and when I like. But I rather hope that I don't know how to drive. When you want to drive, no one send you home, no one send you up to your house, no one visit your house, and most importantly, no more talking opportunity to talk because you are hardly in the same car. So much time, but the things being talke about is even less than a friend met once a week I suppose. Shit. I want to read! :)

interesting picture

Saw this interesting picture from someone's blog... It is so true

How to say it out?

I felt ridiculous yesterday when I was trying to suggest to him about something. That fear that I had before I even asked. And after I asked, he sort of 'rejected' me, not seeming to know what I was trying to drive at... But I think it didnt really matter to him.

And waking up together, coming to work together, he is hungry, I should be too. and today is just another day that he didnt bother to ask. There are days that he asked.
The senerio below:
H: 'Shift your car to the back, let him park infront, becareful, got pipe behind'
M: 'Ok, like that enough for him to park?'
H: 'You move back somemore la'
M: 'But you say behind got pipe? -.-'
After all these, the other car doesnt want to shift. So H came back to the car, took his bag, with me still sitting in the driver seat, with the ignition on, leg still on the foot brake, and H was about to walk off.
M: 'So ok liao la?'
H: 'Ya'

What the hell? and he doesnt talk to me after that, but the next moment he is happily talking to someone else. Everyone else pissed him off now except her I suppose. Yes, please say it is jealousy, like I care. -.- Did I step on your tail?

Repeatedly trying to be good and nice, but the next morning, whatever that I did was plain shit.

I am just an easy target for you to vent your frustration. Admit it.

More blogging and twittering

I think I am blogging so super often that it makes it looks more like a twitter instead le.

Someone asked me... How can you stand.....?

I think it is love. Who asked why I was constantly unhappy? Hmm. Maybe the answer is...

And I am super hungry now la...

For one moment

For one moment, I thought I was going to get scolded again. Black face :( scary. Who understand. I didnt lose the thing this time round

I want to read! :D

Great Books

I got some great books from the library. Tony Parsons
Man And Boy - About Tony Parsons bringing up his son as a single dad suddenly
My Favourite Wife - About marriage
Stories We Could Tell - I not sure what it is about. But I am quite sure that it will be great
I cant remember the other title.

I cried before sleeping last night, I cried when I was driving last night, it felt very bad. Hmm. I guess I need a shoulder. I remember how I sat downstairs of my house, crying, trying to find a solution. And now, I am crying trying to find a solution for the decision made then.

I wanted to go home last night. I have no clothes to wear, so ended up, I am dress quite shabby for audit today.

And I am hungry. Very hungry.

Shall go work.

爱越深，恨越多

what a day

I'm getting angry and I feel like hating. Hmm. I have to go back and work later. Haha. The late night is to compensate for my playing and enjoyment. :)

love it

Love it when the boyfriend ask me where I am. :)

What is left?

What is left?
The 'We' no longers includes me.
Working late into the night is only left with me, and the 'We' is someone else.
Writing something, constantly looking up to check the chat window is what I am constantly doing.

There is always something there that I am thinking, and hoping, and wanting to have. But hmm... what is left?

Hong Kong

How I wish it is always holiday... just came back from hong kong. bought a lot of things. spent a lot of money. realise i am broke. and realise that i hope that everyday is holiday.

Sometimes, there are things in life that needs to be sacrificed. I onced sacrificed Love for Work, then Family for Love sub-conciously then Family for Work, and maybe Work for Love sub-conciously again.

Does the statement make sense?

How I wish everyday is holiday...

I am very tired. Very tired from all the nonsense. How does it feels to fly high and fall hard.

I love the time at night when we talk in bed before we sleep.

Ridiculous

I had enough of all those ridiculous dreams. Once, I dreamt my boyfriend marrying another girl. And last night I dreamt of my boyfriend doing something else weird and... Argh~! I hate this. -.-

Maybe this is the one that is energy draining.

it has been a while

已经一个多月了。有点不知所措。怎么办好呢？谁能来点一盏灯来指引我？ I'm hungry. And I'm still stuck with drawing. -.- it better come out the same thing tomorrow! Haha

Got from someone's blog

45 Things Girls Love But Won't Ask For


1. Touch her waist.

2. Actually talk to her.

3. Share secrets with her.

4. Give her your jacket.

5. Kiss her slowly.

6. Hug her.

7. Hold her.

8. Laugh with her.

9. Invite her somewhere.

10. Hangout with her and your friends together.

11. Smile with her.

12. Take pictures with her.

13. Pull her onto your lap.

14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.

15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she can't get to her friends. it makes her feel loved.

16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.

17. Kiss her unexpectedly.

18. Hug her from behind around the waist.

19. Tell her she's beautiful.

20. Tell her the way you feel about her.

21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.

22. Tell her she's your everything - only if you mean it.

23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so just hug her

24. Make her feel loved.

25. kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!!!!*

26. don't lie to HER.*

27. DON'T cheat on her.*

28. take her ANYWHERE she wants

29. txt messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her.

30. be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can ALWAYS count on you.*

31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold YOU too.

32. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.*

33. Kiss her on the CHEEK; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).*

34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.

35. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her.

36. When people DISS her, stand up for her.*

37. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.*

38. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.

39. When walking next to each other grab her HAND.*

40. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as long as possible*

41. Call or text her at night to wish her SWEET DREAMS*

42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears.*

43. Take her for LONG walks at night.

44. ALWAYS Remind her how much you love her.*

45.sit on top of her and tell her how much u love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while sitting on her.

I am sick

Maybe I should have stayed at home. But sleeping will make things worse

Yes, I wanted attention!

Haha. For the first time, I drove under the influence of medicine. I feel half drunk when I was driving home last night. And had fever yesterday when I was at the doctor. And I had fever just now when I was driving to pick my sis and mum up. Repeated coughing and no one asked about me. Yesterday when I was driving to poly marina, there was a jam at the junction due to an accident between a bus and two big lorry. Waste time. And now, I only hope that I will faster recover. I want a good trip. Sometimes I wonder why people don't talk. Is it because there is nothing much to talk? I'm tired. :( I feel like there is so much not done and there is always something that is draining my energy away. :(

The new toy!

I had a new toy as a birthday gift. Ok, not really a toy, but a super cool gift that I wanted all the while. And I got it. All thanks to a few people who shared for it. Now I am going to enjoy the thing by bring it out to read more often!

See! And I just managed to get abook from AMAZON! The girl with the dragon tatoo! It better be nice! Haha.

Thank you, Jasmine, Mervyn, Ivy, Hidayat, Siew Hoon, HuiPing, Meiting, Roy, Julia and most importantly, Lawrence! I think i missed out some people. :p oh no.

Just when

Just when I thought I can move on to ISO, take time to go see doctor, prepare for afternoon exam, prepare for tomorrow major presentation, people get scolded for something that I failed.

Basic Thermo is beyong impossible that took me a day to finish. crap.

Bad feeling

I have a bad feeling that I am losing control and all is starting over again. Thats what happened on the 1st I think. Always.

A sleepy day

Having a very sleepy monday morning. All thanks to the cough last night. I fell asleep infront of the tv, end up, a bad cough woke me up. Worry that it will happen again, I make sure I had water with me, before going to bed.

I managed to get to sleep at 1.10, only to wake up at 2 by another hit of cough.

I want to know what is causing all these sudden acute cough that makes me cough uncontrollably and leaving me in tears. :( it could be the following link:
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Respiratory-Disorders/laryngeal-spasm/show/519516

but the thing is, other than Chunchun, no one understand this kind of bad cough. :(

To people, it is just another bad cough. But I am quite sure it is more than that! :(

drenched

To be drenched and hungry walking to school from the car is irritating. What a good way to start the weekend. I seriously need to mug

Source

Lets be very frank here. You are the source of my frustration.

late at night

I should be sleeping at this hour but I did something very sinful. I watched video till wee hours. And now, I can't wait for tomorrow night to come. I miss him.

Blog and video

I am here to blog because my video is not loading well! Argh. But I changed my mind. Bye

Lost

Oh ya, I got lost again when I turned out from Kallang leisure Park. And I went all the way to Tanjong Rhu area. Driving past area where I once walked by before. I had that urge to alight and walk in. But looking at the time, I gave up on that thought. I miss those time. I miss fireworks.

My Day

Despite the advancement in technology and the fact that I can actually blog from my iPhone, I still choose to take the trouble and switch the lappy on to blog... -.-

Today, a alone day. There was tonnes that I thought of blogging while I was driving but now I forget every single piece of it.

Someone talked to me today. And it left me thinking. I have a choice here I know.

And I am thinking of going yoga with my friend every thursday. Shall see how.

And I think, although I have tonnes to blog about. But I am not in the right mood to blog now. Not now, so I shall go sleep. Hmm. All about work today. I wonder...

Whatever thinking that I am having now is so not right and so not good. Good Night!

Oh, did I share that Birthday was a blast at Tanyoto? So much laughter. Haha, thank you people for the Winnie the Pooh cake, the black dress, the dinner, the gathering and all the posts on Facebook. Majority involved Lawrence in the planning... Haha

A stressful drive back

I had a stressful drive back, all thanks to those taxis exiting the airport. Argh. They are just speeding and speeding and tail gating and tail gating. Super irritated.

And it could also be because I am not focused enough to drive. I feel tired recently. Maybe I have been thinking a tag bit too much recently. And as I was thinking yesterday, I can drive, so to me, a boyfriend who let me feel safe when he drives is important and I have one who let me feel safe when he drive.

And tomorrow is Auto Cad test and there is tonnes to be done this week. There is the Basic Thermo assignment, which is 10 % and i dont have a single clue, and there is the CRS powerpoint and presentation next week that I have to wear formal. And there is the accounts and the audit to complete before this week, and there is still revision trying to be completed.

And at this moment, I am glad that my friends arent free to meet up, if not, I will not be able to sit down and finish all that needs to be done.

For now, it is bed time before my laptop die on me because of low battery.

I still thinking of going Yoga, learn Piano, learn Ballet...etc... anyone?

Irritated Monday Morning

A rainy day
A bad throat
A blocked nose
A change in plan
A sleepy head
Phone calls that people dont answer
Bad network for others phone and in the end, me not talking properly????

Irritated. What a good way to start the week.

To be frank

To be frank, I am abit lost here. Can anyone help me out? Haha...

On Monday, jetty jump, my braces cut my lips when I jumped into the sea. Argh. Plus the steamboat yesterday, all this add up to painful ulcer.

And some guy tried to talk to me. A joke for my classmate apparently.

And I was dreading this Thursday welding lesson but at the end of the day I got the right flame and everything was good then. But somehow along the way, something went wrong with the flame and all I got was an oxidizing flame that doesnt molten my parent metal. Argh. But at least I dont dread welding now.

My mouth hurts but there is still one thing on my list that I want to eat! Gelare Waffle. But it is at E! Hub (I think, shall go check it out). Tomorrow sounds like a nice night. Haha. Shall do that.

I found a good time.

And sometimes, people have an answer. It is just about taking a step out of it, if not, take a step back and look at it.

I want to spend a quiet birthday this year.

Note to self

Don't do and say things you will regret more than half of what you said after that. But how to put the message across then?

I dont want to be good till Friday

I decide to not be good. I will try to be moodless, if not irritated. I am tired of being good. And being about to fall sick doesnt make anything better when you are alone.

And I will try my bestest not to stay behind and work alone anymore. It is sort of redundant and I have my fears staying behind alone. The shadows and the idea of people of other nationalities staying nearby and a werid uncle creep me out.

And I am sleepy and I miss my dog, and I hope my Birthday dont come.

If it comes, I wanna get drunk. I swear.

I dont want to be nice and smile to people for the rest of the week. Let me get more sick so I can skip welding tomorrow. I want to skip maths tonight. I will go somewhere for a walk, like how I used to do.

3 more days

I have a feeling what I want will not be happening.

Yesterday was a tiring day... Had jetty jump which was sure fun. The jump especially but after all the swimming and soaking in the sea, it gave me a headache.

And at night, things doesnt help to go back and find yourself with tonnes of reports to complete. So after sending Baby to the vet, it is back to office and work.

Baby has a blood vessel that burst in her ear flap. So she needs a minor surgery. I got trouble with the idea of paying for ktv this friday le. I am so broke! She was left over with the vet last night and we can only pick her up on Wednesday afternoon. Hope she will be fine and that Carrot will not ka chiao her when she is back.

After that was back in the office. I am glad that I choose to continue till 12.30 to finish all the past reports. If not I will have trouble answering questions today! Feels good to know that I have completed everything that I need to. I am thinking of skipping the Wednesday Maths lesson. Hmm... Shall see how...

And 3 more days to my birthday! Hmm... Or maybe I will want to spend it alone? Let this be the first ever birthday that I spend alone?

Supposed to be... But...

I am suppose to be doing work, if not, preparing a powerpoint for tomorrow that I know I will not have time tonight to do it. But still I choose to blog.

Went to Stream of Praise worship yesterday at Bethesdal Cathedral. Cool. It was really one of the best worship ever.

I kept wondering when were the times that the Lord really did help me through before. I have my doubts for him before, not until I realised something yesterday.

In December 2007, something happened to me, something that hardly anyone knows about now and something that I can never share with anyone then. That was a painful time. I was waiting and waiting and kept waiting. That is the first few times that I remember praying to Him before I became a Christian.

I was so disappointed in Him then, because things didnt go the way I want them to be... But after a long wait and all, things do ultimately, took a longer way but turn out the way that I wanted them to be. A lesson learnt along the way... But then, I never remember about whatever that I have said to Him before and I never credit Him for whatever that He had done for me...

And then life moved on and went on to other things in life. How he put people in my life and let me move on with things that should not be in my life. How he let me have all the things that I am having now.

Lets say this. The God is really a great and amazing God.

Maybe this is just another lesson that I am going through now. Painfully long and endless. And the worship left me crying. but walked out happily.

I was agitated on Saturday, simply over the fact that people no longer like to talk but choose to sms. I am disturbed by it. Over whatever reason it could be.

4 more days.

我想他

933 在播一首歌。我很想他。

Something interesting.

I am looking through my old post and I come across the following. :)

List down seven qualities of my perfect lover[list the gender too]and tag another seven bloggers to do this

Gender: Male
[i]someone who will be willing to explain and listen to my explanations should something happen between us
`explanation is important... i mean.. i think i am understanding... do things got 交代 (jiao1 dai4) and everything will be fine with me... C=`
[ii]someone who is willing to call me on the phone even if there is no reason
`communication is important!!! d=`
[iii]someone who knows what i am thinking about even before i open my mouth
`so he can dig out all those hidden message that i am trying to tell him but have no courage to`
[iv]someone who can stand my nagging
`ok...not nagging, bu concern ok? if i am not concern, i would not even nag... d=`
[v]someone who will always try to reply every single one of my messages
`i hate it when people dont reply my message although i sometimes do that too... it dont feel good to be waiting for something...d=`
[vi]someone who is caring
`it is nice to know that someone cares about you... C=`
[vii]someone who will be there for me
`just someone who can be there, dont need always.. but most of the time, for all the good or bad things that i am going through... i mean that is what most of us want... company... someone who just understands... C=`
[viii]sense of humour
`so there wont be awkward silence`

Haha. It felt so strong there and then...

I saw something else that is interesting as well.

Smile, because it belongs to your face.

The weekend is here

I have the urge to go sailing. To be on board a vessel, travelling to somewhere. Be a crew on board. Even if it means that I am the lowest ranking and even if that means I am going to lose all connection with my world for a whole of 6 months.

Different people have different expectations and some of it are impossible to meet. Sometimes, it is about voicing them out to let them be known and be worked towards. But somethings are just impossible to be done.

But what is not right is to only let it out when it is at the edge of snapping. When nothing else can be done. Did u let others have a chance to explain themselves to you to let you know what situation we are in at the moment? Did u let others know what are the things that you are expecting? Sometimes, when it comes to work and even relationship, it is about compromising. Really.

com·pro·mise
noun

a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands.

The definition of compromising... both party have to be willing to settle the differences together...
 
Yet at times, it is just about listening and hearing out and looking out for signs of snapping. Know it before it is here. Yet at times, you might not be able to react simply because you dont know how to...
 
Sometimes, it is about getting into this kind of situation to let yourself know that THIS IS LIFE...
Nothing in life is constant except changes. It contradicts but it is so true.
 
Time should not be spent on this entry... but there are just things in life that we need to acknowledge.
 
You can never please everyone. I choose to run away from people that I cant please. It doesnt seems to be the best way. I am not really running away, but rather let myself be in a situation whereby I have a choice to not be in the same environment with someone else, yet without being offensive. As long as the other person is happy, that should be the most important thing I suppose. Even if it means being alone... But I am glad that I am not. :)
 
Yet again, it is life that we are talking about here.
 
Believing that one day, things will be ok and it will all be on the positive side.
 
Things will be ok at the end, if it is not ok, then it is not the end.
 
Something random, and on facebook, I am glad that he is ok and doing well and happy. So the problem really does lies with me then. For a very stupid reason. But it is all memories.
 
Kind of emo and quiet these days except for this afternoon I suppose. Rubber bands in my teeth. Oh no... Hope it turns out well. Shall be diligent. Please.
 
Shall try to share a phrase or lyrics from songs every entry. Though I know it is not possible.
 
Something I am listening to recently.

我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口

My class was planning class outing by the way. Jokes and more jokes and some silly things that people said and done and I help to SPREAD THE WORDS AROUND. Like something that I will always do... haha. Sadly but sometimes, these are the kind of things that you have to give up when you are at this age and working I suppose. But I will still try to be there. At least for one day. If I can find my way. -.-

sleepy

It is just another sleepy day.

So different

I suddenly feel so different from other students or other people. Is it what I have gone through? Or is it this is just a easier way out for my emotions? Or is it I just didnt want to change my focus and not want to get deeper into any other friendship or bond with other people after knowing that deep bonds can take away my attention and kill me in the long run?

Dance changed my future. Sort of in a bad way. I am afraid of that happening again. To be frank.

Lack of sleep

Lack of sleep is the spoiler for all kind of relationships. Work, family, friends, love ones. Totally.

Or maybe it is just me that irritates people then. Maybe I was.

Blame it on that stupid flame for gas welding then. Hot and sweaty and tired and to top it off, I am not getting anything right. That is the worst!

A F*** up day. Weekend faster come. I should be studying and catching up on Basic Thermo.

about life now

Now it is all about suffering with the iPhone 4 os which is super laggy. Especially like now. Argh. Letters appear a second later. -.- please give me a better os! And today. Hmm. I'm worried about tomorrow in fact. Seems like dry eyes is coming back to me. The drive back just now was bad. Argh. And tomorrow. Welding. Period. I'm going to wrap myself up so that I will have no fear of sparks and explosion and I will weld well! Heard a nice song with meaningful lyrics just now. 你要相信你比想像勇敢。 from 黑夜过后地一道阳光。 Good night folks! Shall resist the temptation to continue reading!

Who you are.

Somethings on Monday shone some light on me. And here I am to share... Who you are today is really what you did 10 years ago... Your attitude towards life also reflects where you stand now...

Someone said that who you are today is affected by the choices you made 10 years ago. And this I totally agree. Attitude towards life is another big thing that will affect where you stand now and how others look and treat you.

I met this one person who has countless amount of energy towards things, no matter how many setbacks he have in his life before. So many times, I gave up and all I choose was to break down and cry, or rather, I will tell myself to do something coward, and that will be to take time off work and ignore about everything. Taking time off work is ok, but not ignoring everything... I did that once... As for the crying, it is uncountable...

At times like those that I mentioned above, I wondered how he managed to tide over... How he get that willpower to do all that he is doing now... And to be constantly improving...

There are people in life who handles problems and issues at work very differently. Some people choose to sit on their work, everyday, day in day out, time passes just like that with minimal accomplishment. But he is always, if not, most of the time, spending his time on things that are necessary. Sometimes, people dont understand that cutting short every conversation you have with someone by 5 mins, you can have alot more time for your work.

Someone did something that day, or rather, someone failed to do something that day. Indecisive, slow, slack, not diligent enough, bad things. Looking at the status this fellow have and what he have, it just goes to prove that whatever that you have today is really what you fought for. Your fighting spirit in life and the right attitude towards life is one of the main thing that will affect where you stand 10 years later.

Someone commented that I am a workaholic that day. And that comment makes me realised another thing. I am not a workaholic, I am just not efficient enough.

Thats about all. This is a weird entry. Because I dont know how to write what I felt that day out.

Somethings are just so near yet so far.

Birthday coming. This year, there is only one wish on my wishlist. Something that is unique and special. But I am glad I become a reason for celebration.

Missing

I miss him alot now. At this moment.

Wasted

A effort wasted morning.

Today

I had something that I wanted to share today. and just a moment ago. but i dont really remember.

I shall be diligent and go back and finish up my reports. So I will have a better weekend...

Oh, I read my friend's blog and I feel like going TAIWAN! and I feel like going Shanghai for EXPO and I am glad I am going to Hong Kong le...

I had two sleepy morning lecture. But I dont really care. Shall go back and try out the tutorial over the weekend. I need a swim. And I had macs again just now. And now my stomach is churning.

And it is a rainy day again! Let me get to my car dry please.

And another presentation down. Oh, I HAVE TO DO RESEARCH. Later. After 6!

Lets have pancake tomorrow!

I miss Baby! My dog...

a bad night

I did not have a good night. :( I went home only to realise my sister sleeping on my bed when I already said that I might be coming home. :( and in the end, I had so much trouble getting to sleep. And when I was about to fall asleep, my dogs have to start walking around and woke me up again. Argh.

workaholic

I realise I'm not a workaholic. I'm just not efficient enough!

Quiet Night

I am missing my bed and I have an index finger that is hurting for no apparent reason...

To be frank, it is scary at night. Because you cannot see whether anyone is coming in. And the walk from my house carpark. hmm. ok at times. when you are late enough that is. Haha.

But I guess this is what happen when the Boyfriend is not feeling well... GET WELL SOON!

Shall sleep in tomorrow morning. Lets just hope that weekends come faster!

Coward

I suddenly realise that I'm just like a coward and all that I want to do now is run away and take a break. I think I need a holiday. Soon.

sinful

I did something sinful. I went to have long John for lunch. Sinful as in a waste of time. But it was a quick one. 45mins. The hungry pangs are giving me bad headache and it sure is good to have alot of food in my stomach now!

Start of School AGAIN!

So it is the start of school again and after all the mad rush and fun that I had, I finally cleared a big chunk of the reports. Phew~!

Slept rather late last night. Argh, the report is one whole stack... And am so sleepy now. Teacher woke me up in class TWICE! Haha. But I am not the only one. haha

Tonight, dinner at Dear's house, a meal cooked by Raymond and maybe I should go get a swim.

I was thinking of getting a swim yesterday and in the end I jumped into the sea during practical. Haha. Most of my classmates did that. They jumped off the boat when they are some distance away from the shore and was tow back with lifebouy and rope. haha. FUN!

Thats all for now.... C=

Tomorrow!

Let's hope for a good weekend! It is sure a stressful week

Awaken

It felt like a sign. And I feel awake now though I'm sleepy. That sounded chim. Good night

A cross

I saw a cross at the place where I sleep. For the first time after so long. :)

The Lord

I found the link to it and I spoke to God. Hope I honour my words

Driving Record

Broke my personal record today. 140km/hour.
The highest speed acheive and it felt good.

Memories

~Very Personal Indeed~

I happened to go Raffles City yesterday, and I went by padang to realise that PA is training there. So i walked over to look for them after being rejected... And I am glad that I did!

When Mr Low asked how am I? I felt like crying... and when I was about to leave the place, he said, 'I know you are busy with your things. Just remember to come visit us when you are free'.

I almost cried again.

Did I tell anyone before that I actually hope to return to them? Return to where it all started and where I really come from. I have the urge to dance when I see people on stage. I feel thrilled when I see people that I know. I feel glad that I choose to walk over yesterday.

Thats the main happening of the weekend.

Wondering

After so long. What will things be like now if I really did what I thought I should do then. Haha.
Something to ponder over...
Ice cream, milk tea with pearl, popcorn. Food for the soul. Or rather, food for MY soul. :)

Happy Food

Had all the Happy food that I craved for in ONE DAY!

Thanks to the people who helped to make it all possible. Haha.

Ben and Jerry's icecream! By Jasmine, who helped to buy it.
Popcorn from Cornery at Ion, by QiuGui who helped to buy it.
Island Creamery, thanks for Dear for driving there and Qiugui for jio-ing us along!

Haha. Munch Munch. Next will be Bubble Tea!

Make it work!

It will work, for He will guide.

Let it be good. Things will be better! Find me the strength.

I dint managed to say

I didnt manage to say what I want to say.

Realise

I realised something today. I never hated my work, I love my work.

It is just that the things that I wanted never really happened and it makes me dread that things are always work. I wanted more than all those maybe.

Am I making sense? Work makes me feels alive actually.

I will ask for what I want tonight

The title speaks all... I hope I managed to do it.

Can I blog about somethings that are very ridiculous?

I seriously feel my life is of no joy now. At this very moment. I go to bed thinking that way too.
How will you feel when your boyfriend dont tell you he love you for 1 month?
What will you do when your boyfriend dont kiss you for 1 month?
What will happen if your boyfriend dont hug you for 1 month?
What will happen when all these is happening when you are staying with him?
What will you do if you feel like you are just constantly working and constantly at work, seeing no end?
Stop telling me that I have to take the iniative.
I am tired
I want to play
I want to sleep
I want to shop
I want to read
I want to piece puzzles
I want to finish cross stitch
I want more time.

off to first test!

Something interesting i saw on Stomp
http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/stomp/sgseen/this_urban_jungle/389574/8_warning_signs_married_couples_have_become_more_like_siblings.html

!@#$%^&*()

CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE?
~!@#$%$^&*()_+

Heard a song while driving

I like to drive around, especially when nice songs are being played.

I heard the following while I was driving back to office this afternoon, or rather, just now.

男人不该让女人流泪

你说我让你看不清楚转
你说你害怕在爱中迷途自
舍不得你哭 如果是我让你觉得无助
让我告诉你 我对这一切有多在乎魁
如何证明我深情的吻 才能呵护你脆弱的灵魂
我愿用生命阻挡任何能伤害你的人
就算被冷落 就算犯错 我都不走

喔~相信我无悔无求 我愿为你放弃所有
男人不该让女人流泪 至少我尽力而为
喔~相信我别再闪躲 我愿陪你 直到最后
男人不该让女人流泪
至少我尽力而为 相信我

A particular scene came to my mind whenever I hear this song. Along with the feelings. Though it was once the worst period of my life then, the toughest, but it was when everything felt so strong and felt so real. I want abit of that now.

.::Life so far::.

The last post was about one month ago...

Nothing interesting in life to talk about at this very moment, just a hell lot of complains. I need motivation badly. I hope I do well for this upcoming exams cos thats the nearest motivation that I can wait before everything just dies off.

Work, Study, Love, Life, Family, Dog

Work, there isnt anything much convenient to describe here but the fact that there is always things that have to be said more than once, only to realise that they still dont understand makes me ANGRY!

Like the following example of what happened:
Me: I am driving now, I dont have the name of the client, just go there, call the person and ask that person for the Client and Project name.
XXX: Ok, so later you sms me the Client and Project name?
Me: ~!@##$%^&*

Please, enlighten me, what is this all about that I said that was difficult to understand?

And the same type of silly situation happened in this particular teleconversation that lasted for less than 1 minute TWICE.

I swear I would have rammed the vehicle that I am driving into his car if he is driving in front of me!

So. That should summarise the kind of situation that I am facing most morning. Not to mention all the morning calls that I have. just wanna nag here, because it doesnt really seems like I have a single other soul to talk to other than God

I quite hate the fact that at times working hard doesnt help. Because clients dont appreciate. Maybe this is just part of life again.

Study. Nothing much as well, but maybe this is the most interesting part in my life now, with cute and entertaining class mates. They are just like my JC classmate. I am glad I have them in my class! Haha. Sleeping in Basic Thermo becomes a norm. It is just so difficult to stay awake, maybe I am just allergic to his voice.

Chionging for test. MUST DO WELL!

Worried for maths and thermo!

Love, other than bunking in with Dear most of the at times, hmm. thats about it. I just remember, I think we both forgot about the month-versary. Nothing important afterall I guess.

I feel myself misplaced at times, not knowing what is the right thing to do at times. So much so that I feel like staying alone and be alone most of the times. I dont really like the idea of being around people. Seriously. Something is wrong I suppose. Like I dont even know what to do or how to behave appropriately when I am around my loved ones, that excludes my own blood related family members. I think I should snap out of all these though.

Life, that part, just more Wii-ing and more swimming and more coffee and more shopping. Looking forward to trips. I think I need them badly.

Family, like have more time to dine with mama nowadays that I hardly go home. I think they are glad without me around as well. But surely not my dogs! Haha. They wag their tail so hard when I am home! And I think one of them needs the vet.

Thats about it. The one month.

I was reading someone's blog that day and that person mentioned about people around him getting married with them at the right age and all... I think I salute those who took the courage to take that step into marriage. I think it is something so alien and something so difficult to maintain and to keep it up and all. I think being in a marriage feels even more difficult than raising a child.

There are people who are in marriages who is full of joy and sparks and passion and everything good, though some small setback here and there that we as outsider will never know about, but still good, with a smiley husband and cheerful wife most of the time.

There are couples who are in marriages that are just so 'formal', sleeping together in one bed at night with a big gap in between two of them. Minimal talking and not to mention, always with a stern husband that hardly smiles and a quiet wife when left alone.

Sometimes I think it is the world that we are in that makes marriage almost impossible. Look at the time spent at work, look at the list of things that we need to handle day in and day out.

Marrying your job or career is so much better and easier if you ever have a choice of that.

I once thought that it was easy and I would like to have it. But then again, I doubt that now...

Enlightened

I heard on the radio yesterday:
There is this story about a man, he has a very bad temper. And he concluded that his bad temper is because of the people around him. So he decide that to put his bad temper under control, he have to stay away from people and be alone. So he decided to shift to the mountains to live his life and be away from people.
Then there is this day, the man make his regular trip to the pond to collect water using a can. He spilled his first can of water by accident when he was on his way back. He went back to get another can, and the same thing happened, he spilled his second can on his way back and then the same thing happened for the third time.

He then got so angry that he threw the can to the ground, and the can broke into pieces.

Looking at the pieces, he realised, his bad temper wasnt because of other people, but because of himself.

So I realised that you know, maybe my temper really needs to be put into control. -.-

And I realised that things can be very simple and nice, just take a step back and not be demanding, maybe things will just get better.

I wanted to bring a magazine back to read last night but I forgot to. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise. Haha. And because I didnt managed to bring the magazine back, I went to bed on time.

Thats all for today. Shall get back to class. I am getting worried for the afternoon CRS test!

Hope dear manage to get a bed of his choice today! Haha. I told him to get the one that the polar bear sleeps on! But got no polar bear gift. :( I can lend you the big pooh bear to sleep with you!

I feel enlightened today

The difference between today and yesterday is drastic! But I am glad things are better now. And I'm feeling more in control of things, especially my emotions.

Shall blog more when I'm in class tomorrow. :) got to sleep!

I miss my darling!

For a moment...

For a moment when I turned out from school, seeing the empty road, I decide to drive slow and yet recklessly. I changed lane without looking.

The next moment, my handphone ring, and messages flooded in. And I am ok

I wanted to...

I feel ashamed at this moment. I wanted to blog, but i think i will choose to pen it down instead

.::A week that just passed::.

I wanna blog about my week that is about to end in less than 48 hours.

Actually, I shouldnt really be here, I should be either busy with work or busy with revising my Basic Thermo since I slept in ALL the lectures or, if not, busy with preparing for CRS. Haas. But still, here I am.

Mother's day is this Sunday, I have given my mother things, but I have yet to decide on what to give Dear's Mum. That doesnt sound like something good. oops.

And the past week, it is definitely more hectic but I think I am finding a balance. Hopefully. Pray hard.

Projects are being settled rather fast and I am glad I did well for welding!

And I found a cool game today!

Had a busy night before we squeeze out time for dinner with my mama. So I am super glad that dear managed to make it. I was still thinking that he might not have the time. Thanks dear!

And not to mention, alot of shifting coming up and alot of new people joining in!

And most of my colleagues are now either getting engaged or engaged. -.- Looking forward to their wedding!

Bubble tea

The boyfriend knew I wanted sweetalk bubble tea for the longest time ever and so he drove to west mall just for this purpose, paid for my drink and ask me to go get it. :)

It was only two sentences and both are factual information. How offending can it ever get. Let's pray that these will get better soon. I think that's one of the few things that is bothering me badly now.

Saturday Sunday

Had a great weekend but not in the mood to blog about it now. Mood swing. Bad and irritated.

It feels bad to forget the date of the month.
But it feels worse to not be reminded by the other one.

Aiya, not like it is important

Giving Up

I feel like I am giving up so much for all these but yet it is never perfect. Not even close to it. There is always a gap, a distance.

If it is under 1.5mm then it is rejectable under ASME B31.6?

If Lack of Fusion is present, it is rejectable under ASME B31.3?

If Lack of Fusion or Lack of Penetration is present, it is rejectable under ABS Hull Weld. Confirm.

It is always those small dots of random porosity that makes the NAD not perfect, not NAD anymore.

What is wrong?

Share about my Days

It is just two days into school term and I can feel the tireness. I am glad that amidst the busy days and packed schedule, I have a rather empty Wednesday. The night class spoils it all but on the brighter side, at least I know that I have a good day of rest before a full night of maths. And rest is important for doing well in maths.

I remember when I was in Primary school, when maths is NOTHING to me, and I can easily score well without studying. My best way of getting myself prepared for maths exam the next day is always to have an extra early night. Like I usually sleep at 10.00pm, I will then try to sleep at 09.30pm instead. Rest your brain, thats what my tutor used to say.

And come to talk about class in Singapore Poly. Have a bunch of good classmates who are rather fun to be with. I am glad I am in a Engineering class. To be exact, the SMA big family, with the Marine Engineering class.

One will never understand the passion for Marine! There is just so much information out there that you feel like you should know and by going for this diploma course, I hope my sister didnt regret getting into this course as well!

And this thursday is no car green day. I hope i manage to find my way to school!

And school has only started for two days and the list below are the things that I need to buy!
SMA Overall
Set square
Set of pencils
Get a piece of good cloth
A good ruler
Eraser Shield

Okies, I think there is more but I dont have the list with me now. I left them in the car.

And today is the second day of class and I have assignment to complete. I have to analyse a article for Critical Resoning. Somewhat like General Paper in JC.

I realise CR is so cool. I wondered what happened to me in my life in JC. Maybe you really need to lose it to treasure it. And I think GP used to be even more interesting!

And there was a topic I wanna share about. It is about driving and handling the steering wheel with just one hand. But it is in the iphone so I shall finish it on the iphone. C=

And had a great night with dear today. Today is a good day! Just talks and more talk. I feel like having steamboat again.

And but for now, time for bed. I miss my bed quite a fair bit. And I shall read some news to keep myself up to date. Haas.

Shall see what else that I need to buy before next week. I hope I dont have to buy textbook for the class tomorrow. Calculus. Kill me please!

And last but not least, I am now looking forward to weekends with dear! I l0ve you darling!

Be a 1.1 today!

Heard the following on the radio during my drive home on FM 93.3. Here it goes.

Take 1 multiply by 1 multiply by 1 multiply by 1, i.e. (1) to the power of 10.
What do you get at the end? You get a 1.

Next, simply add 0.1 to the 1, getting 1.1, and multiply 1.1 by 1.1 by 1.1, ie, (1.1) to the power of 10.
What do you get at the end? You get 2.59.

Next, minus 0.1 from 1 to get 0.9. And multiply 0.9 by 0.9 by 0.9, i.e, (0.9) to the power of 10.
What do you get at the end? You get 0.35.

So, this can reflect how a slight difference in daily life attitude can affect greatly.

Taking 1 as the benchmark, 1 being how you normally behave and your normal attitude at work. By putting in a little bit more of extra effort, you will get 1.1. And after ten days of 1.1, you will get 2.59, which is way more than the initial 1 that you are achieving.

On the other hand, if you dont choose to work hard, instead, you choose to slack a little bit every day, instead of getting 1 or 1.1, you get a 0.9 every day. And after ten days of 0.9, you will get 0.35, which is way lesser than the initial 1 that you are achieving.

Similarly, by having a attitude at 1 everyday, consistent and not improving, at the end of the day, you will still be at 1.

So what do you want in life? Do you want to be the 1 who is the same every other day? Or the 0.9 who is getting worse every single day? Or the 1.1 who gets better every day? Take your pick.

Be the 1.1 today. And the first step for me will be to wake up early tomorrow!

Sweetie

Darling is being such a sweetie today. but aww, he have a upset tummy in the morning but glad that it is over and didnt affect his day. Bet it is all a mad rush today.

And And, I flew from Eunos to CCK in 20 minutes today afternoon. Woah. Thats something worth mentioning. In a Hyundai Trajet, which is Dear's MPV, with a 2.0 tank. I think that is something amazing. Considering that it is already 4 years old and I seriously rev it quite a fair bit. Doubt I am considered a light footer afterall. And all this, is because of the ridiculous girl, who slept all the way till 1.45 when she is supposed to be in school at 8 to do flag day and return her can at 1 to 2.

Anyway, Dear got a Clubman in return for his Devil Mini. Alright, that shall be the name for that fierce and fast car now. It is a combination of the driver and the car though.

Haha. Anyway, nothing amazing about the Clubman, but seems like a Cooper is fast. So after the engine is runn-ed in, we shall see how fast Dear's Cooper S can be, since it is capable of going from 0 to 100km/hour in 7.4seconds!

Thats a devil.

And my FULL timetable is out. My night class is on Wednesday and that sorts of spoilt the plan. Ah. So i have to go to school EVERYDAY! even Wednesday. But it is alright, knowing that the time is only 6 to 9.

And And, I realised something different in the guys. From the past and now. I realised, now work is a joyous thing for them. I like to see how they prepare to get to work. They are like having a party and all working together, helping each other. It is so cool! And I am glad that I am part of this BIG Family!

And now, I shall get back to work and stop slacking and go home soon. A couple more writing to go!

Something that I forget

There is really something that I wanted to post or I wanted to tell dear but seriously, I dont remember.

I should go see if my notes are out or not and get them printed.

This is Life

something stupid happened to me. I guess I am just too too tired. Yat was suppose to come my house at 8am and I dint hear any alarm or phone call till 9 when he turned up at my door and my dogs barked like crazy.

Today, nothing much achieved and nothing much worth mentioning. But I had lunches with my dear these two days.

We had dinner as well, a quiet and quick one. At least with him around, I will sit down properly to have a lunch. If not, I will most likely have it at a later time or rush through it like no body business.

And we went to the pig organ soup shop at balestier to have pig organ soup, pig trotter in vinegar. Finally had a taste of the food there. Nice! We used to want to go there for food. When he started his last sem in SMU and me having night classes. But just nice, our night class falls on Monday, which so happened is the off day for that particular shop. But nonetheless, we manage to have it today. And did I mentioned that the parking lot was so difficult to get.

And thats my day. Not forgeting to mention that I have trouble logging on to the E-journals that is available on SP Library. But I do find some interesting database. Which I believe will be much more easy to access with the company's desktop.

I am planning for a trip to Shanghai. I must save up enough to go!

Will getting a air ticket now and a air ticket at a later time make any or much difference in pricing?

The life after orientation and HOLIDAY!

Okies. Orientation was fine. A class of monkey guys. Some are ridiculously rude. But I doubt I will be their target, since they know that I am so much older. The girls are poor things though, they are all so quiet. -.-

I have a classmate who joined marine engineering, thinking that shipyards like keppel is in tanjong pagar and jurong shipyard is in jurong island. But I told her the brutal truth. They are both in Tuas. And for someone staying in the east, Sengkang, that is ridiculously far!

But anyway, life changes and there is always a choice of the eastern anchorage i suppose

We didnt manage to visit poly marina, because of some late issues and the bus couldnt ferry us there anymore. So we ended early.

And I have this urge to go to Shanghai World EXPO

http://en.expo2010.cn/

must go! I am going to set a date with dear. And for the first time in my life, I am going to pay for the air tickets. It has always always been dear paying for holidays. So I will pay for just the air tickets this time round. SInce that seems like the only attainable thing from now on.

Come to think again, Dear paid alot for all the trips. BinTan, KL (numerous of times), Korea! and Thats alot!

THANK YOU!

And for now, finish blogging, visit the EXPO site and set a date with dear!

Singapore Poly

I used to hate all those talks and lectures but now, looking at the orientation program for today, I rather be attending the talks. Oh. Haha. And I have a sister who pangseh me for guys and come to me when she needs a ride! Haha

Finding peace

At least I feel at peace now. Words can't describe what I'm feeling now but it is like taking a walk back to the past, finding what is right then and put it back to the present. It feels like hitting the restart button and getting here again. I will make it right this time!
Though the boyfriend didn't really say much. :)
And I'm affected by something. JURONG TOWN HALL ROAD. I'm sad that the slope might be gone and I wouldn't be able to feel that feeling again. To think that I was still hoping to go through that road in the mini. Let's try it someday dear. I hope that 'free-fall' feeling is still there. :( happy memories that that road will always bring. ALWAYS

The relationship

Sometime, I feel that I just cant communicate well with the Boyfriend. Like what he said, every other girl can get along well with him, except me. And I definitely have to agree to that. And at times, I just wonder, why the times when he was with me, he is always tired. And sometimes, when you are facing a quiet, a tired, and a thinker, all 3 at the same time, I get tired of trying to find things to say or talk about.

Sometime, it is also because, I find the things in my life that I want to share with him, so minute and micro and not worth mentioning and at times, I do know that he have no idea how to reply me or rather, it dont really interest him. There are just so much more bigger things to talk about.

So, because of that, I still remember how it used to be. It used to be us talking more than the radio and now, the radio is always on. And at times when the volumn is turn down, more than half of the time, we are talking about work.

Sometimes, it feels like I am alone, trying to make things work but then again at times I realised I seems to be the one trying to make things difficult.

And all in all, quarrels is something common and frequent and yes, my mood swings.

And although my mother always says we spend alot of our time together, but it just never seems to be enough for me. Not because I am still in the sticky honeymoon period and honeymoon mood, but more of the fact that I dont feel like the time spent was of quality. Quantity dont work. More than half the time it is work. And the more than half of the remaining time, we are not alone. And sometimes, I hope I cant drive, then he will have to drive me and then we have time in the car, though there are always silence but we do talk occasionally.

And it is saddening to know that your boyfriend hardly smiles at you or laugh with you. Maybe it is because of work, for I am such a useless freak at work. People may say I have done alot but I am still a careless and lazy person. There are things piling up, and again, sometimes, I wish I dont have to drive around. It sometimes makes me doesnt even have time to eat and there are just so many things and driving around, how to task your boss to do it when you know that they can be doing something more useful with their time.

And I used to know everywhere the boyfriend goes and now, no more. And when people asked me where is he, i tried not to answer 'I dont know' because I dont want to hear replies like 'how come you dont know, you should know what', 'how come you dont know, i thought you always know'.

And the boyfriend is usually happy with other people. Or just that I am feeling sore that he doesnt seems happy with me. But then again, seems like most of the times, I am the one making things back. But cant he just have more patience when he is talking to me? Hmm... And that makes me feel stupid.

And at times, I just get jealous that I am no longer the part of the 'We' that is in his mouth.

And sometimes, things do get better, but then again, it doesnt really stay, I think it is me, cause I am never consistent.

And sometimes, I wonder whether I should have a relationship, because I put more effort in my work than in him. Although it is not reflected in the work output. :( sadly.

And I miss time when we go on long walks to places like Hort Park, Marina Barriage, and all the other exotic places that I haven been to before, now, we dont have time for that. The time most spent is in the office, with me in the conference room and him in his room.

And I miss the time, when we will snuggle at my house, to talk, and now, once again, it is just a terribly waste of time.

I realised most of the time I say something, he dont catch it. One thing is, I am soft, but then again, the old me wasnt like that. And another is he is in another conversation. Yap, he is in another conversation. Usually constantly in one. Sometimes I wonder, will he talk to me if I dont talk to him.

Sometimes, I wonder, will things be better if he is not him. A simple person.

And i read the following from someone's blog. Interesting. So which stage am I in now? oh. I mean, what stage are we suppose to be in now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you ever wondered: Why is our relationship so hard? Things were so perfect when we first met – what happened? Most likely, the answer is that you’ve left the first stage of your relationship, and have moved into another. But could it really be that easy?

Yes! Most people understand that relationships grow and change over time… but what many people don’t know is that they tend to evolve in the same way. There are specific, defined stages of long-term relationships, which offer new feelings, new challenges to overcome, and new opportunities for growth. And if you want your relationship to evolve into one of mutual respect, love and intimacy, it’s likely that you’ll have to experience all of the following relationship stages at some point or another. Take a look at the description of each phase – do any of this sound familiar?

Before we get started, you should know that most people experience these stages in this order, and will need to resolve the challenges in each stage before they can move successfully on to the next. Of course there are always exceptions to this rule. But for the most part, you can’t get out of experiencing all of these stages if you want a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Every couple will move through these stages at different speeds, and most people will experience each stage more than once – it is common to fluctuate from one stage to another.*

Okay, now that I’ve given you the basic info, let’s dig a little deeper….

Stage 1 – The Romance Stage

This is also known as the Courtship Phase or the Fantasy Stage, and can last anywhere from 2 months to 2 years. This is when you and your partner have just met, and everything is absolutely amazing. You can’t get enough of each other. Neither of you can do any wrong in the eyes of the other… mainly because you’re both still on your best behavior. The focus in this stage is on commonalities – you have so many common interests, you could practically be the same person! You show your partner your absolute best self, and you try to please each other as much as possible. Conflict is seen as “bad” in this stage, and is avoided at all costs. You can’t imagine living without this person, so you begin spending as much time together as possible. This is the stage when our defenses are down the most, which allows you to be open to and fall in love. You and your partner are building an important foundation in this stage, so your relationship can grow. There are biological effects as well. When you’re in this stage, your body is producing enormous amounts of endorphins, which makes you feel unusually happy, positive and excited about everything in your life (this is that “head over heels in love” feeling!). This is the stage most often portrayed in movies and romantic novels, for obvious reasons. Bottom line – you are happier than you’ve ever been, and can’t imagine ever feeling any differently.

Stage 2 – The Disillusionment Stage

This stage is also known as the Familiarization Stage, or the Adjusting to Reality Phase. This is where you begin to realize that your partner is actually a human being (horror of horrors!). You get to know each other more and more, and as a result you start recognizing their various flaws and shortcomings. You see your partner in relaxed situations, and you become more relaxed as well. Since your body cannot possibly continue to produce the same levels of endorphins that it was in the beginning, those feelings of being on top of the world start to decline. Your partner’s little habits aren’t quite as cute as they used to be, but there is still enough goodwill from the Romance Stage that you’re willing to overlook them. This stage can start to trickle into your relationship slowly, as you begin to see your partner for who s/he really is. Or sometimes it happens all of a sudden, when there has been some sort of dishonesty or deceit. This phase can be confusing and discouraging, since you’ve just experienced so much openness and connection in the Romance Stage. However, at this stage, your main job is to learn how to communicate and resolve conflict with this person effectively, which is an important skill if you want your relationship to continue.

Stage 3 – The Power Struggle Stage

This stage is also known as the Disappointment Phase or Distress Stage. As the characteristics from the Disillusionment Phase intensify, they become harder and harder to deal with. You will most likely begin to pull away from each other in this stage. At this point, you both still believe that conflict is a “bad” thing, but you are increasingly aware of your many differences. You fight to draw boundaries in the relationship, and as a result even small annoyances become big issues. This is the stage where you define unacceptable behavior, and most couples have occasional or frequent thoughts of leaving the relationship. More and more often, you start to feel like your partner is self-centered or un-caring, or even worse, that they simply can’t be trusted. Deep resentments begin to build if you’re unable to resolve your issues in a respectful and mutually agreeable way. Many couples get stuck in this stage, because this way of interacting becomes normal in their relationship. This is when it is absolutely necessary to learn to manage your differences effectively – to communicate and work together as a team, even though it’s tempting to believe that your partner’s sole purpose on Earth is to make your life difficult. Not surprisingly, this is the stage most couples are in when they decide to break up or file for divorce. However, if they are able to negotiate all of the landmines during this phase, they’ll move on to….

Stage 4 – The Stability Stage

This is a restful and peaceful time, compared to the last stage. This stage is also known as the Friendship Phase or Reconciliation Stage. Some couples never make it to this stage, but the ones who do find that they have deeper feelings of love, connection and trust with their partner. You now have history together, and most people begin to rely on the predictability of the relationship. As you enter this stage, you begin to realize that your partner isn’t perfect, but your personal differences aren’t quite as threatening as they used to be. You’re able to resolve most of your differences, at least to some extent, and you become more confident in the relationship. Some people feel a sense of loss in this stage as they learn to accept their partner for who they truly are, since this means they have to let go of the fantasy that was established early on in the relationship. But for the most part, the deepening sense of friendship and commitment is a good trade-off for those early feelings of butterflies and excitement. This is also when you begin to re-establish your own outside interests and friendships, which were given up in the Romance Phase. There is some danger that you may begin to drift apart from or become bored with your partner in this phase, so you should try to maintain the connection that was created in the Romance Phase. Overall, this is the stage when you finally begin to feel comfortable and happy with your deepening relationship.

Stage 5 – The Commitment Stage

This stage is also known as the Acceptance Phase, the Transformation Stage, or the Real Love Phase. It is estimated that fewer than 5% of couples actually make it to this stage, according to The Relationship Institute. This is the stage when both couples have a clear notion of who their partner is, faults, foibles and weaknesses galore… yet they make a conscious choice to be with this person in spite of all of those things (and in some cases, because of those things). You are no longer with your partner because you need them, but because you’ve chosen them, which means the level of resentment you felt in the Power Struggle Phase has decreased, if not disappeared. If you’ve made it to this stage, you and your partner are a team. You genuinely love your partner, and you look out for their best interests just as much as you look out for your own. Your partner is your best friend. There are few surprises about your partner’s habits or character in this phase. You’ve collaborated to overcome many challenges together, and have grown to accept and support each other without restriction. Your vision for your relationship is in congruence with who you are and what you both truly want. You have discussed your future together – you have similar life goals, and you feel encouraged to define your relationship further. Many couples decide to make a formal or public commitment to each other in this stage (such as marriage) to demonstrate their intention to continue their relationship. This is the stage in which your relationship becomes a true partnership.

About the author: Sarah M. Schultz, MA, CPC is a certified Personal Development Coach in Park City, UT. Sarah coaches quarter lifers (adults in their 20s and 30s) who want to create meaning and passion in their lives by building lasting committed relationships, creating a fulfilling work/life balance, and managing the stress of major life transitions.

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Finally, I managed to type all those out. This blog better publish it well.