.::coffee bean::.

~*for dose hu know*~

wad i did tat day wasfor fun, for the fact tat i tout he was a bad guy, and abit the for the sake of kh. aniway... tings settled... i dun wan to disturb his studies...

ok... i apologised, cox after toking tings out,i sumhow tink tat continuing oso no point... gt another prob on hand... want it to be an happi ending for the rest... i tink oli veri few ppl know wad i m toking abt... hee =\

aniway, apologies again... another reason why i choose to do tat to u is becox i know u wun turn to tchers... but cum to tink of it, abit the bad for mi to bully him aft toking sumtings out.. cox he is a good friend to her... and he having exams le... abit the bitch to 'bully' him now

.::orite for now::.

~*leg first*~

c chi doc... lidddat lor... haix go back next friday... again... take bitter medicine... so far like tat lah...

~*thank you for the fun*~

~*sorii for going too far*~

lol... mit up wif koonhui, liying and er aft seeing doc... abit sian sian in my heart becox he not free to go wif mi... but nvm... see doc le went to mit the 3some... so long didnt hang out wif dem le...

den crap until 10 plus... when i haf to leave, suddenly realise gt alot of topic to say...den dunno how... sumhow haf to go home and jiao dai... den er went home to call sumone... den i went off... den mi suggest go my hse dere tok... at least i can be dere... sorri den i cos the whole gang to shift...

half way thru the park, ly say wan to go my house toilet... so she went my hse... kh suggested going to my hse tok.. den he waited for er... when dey reach my hse, the atmosphere became guai guai one... so i say go downstairs...

downstaris tok... den kh kick his slippers at er... lol... den we started our gaming.... sorries... bad mi... lol... =x

take kh slippers bottle and bag...but goodus decide to gif him back his bag... so end up we haf his bottle and slippers... bottle water used to splash him... den slippers... i suggested bringing acrooss the street to the park opp... den kh haf one slipper back.. the oher floating in the pond... den er make kh choose btw slipper and bottle... denkh fed up walk off... barefooted... lol... we 3 dunno wad to do... debating whether he will cum back...in the end he didnt...

finalli decide to call him back so tat we can cont to play... =/ evil mi... lol... den when he is on his way back, we hide his slippers and bottle ard cars in the carpark... den kh came back and he started searching... hehe... when he found everyting, he cont walk hm.. dun want to tok to us... sobx sonx... but we say he um chio, he realli un chio... haha...

den we decide follow him... den came to the playground near 208... den decide to forsake him and play swing instead... lol... so started playing wif swing... now muscle abit guai guai...lol... den late le, er sent ly home and i walked home...

i realised iz been long since i last played... iz like other times when i hang out wif others, i suumtime haf to put on an act and be fake.. today dunit... ix super fun...

we sound bad bullying kh, but i just hope he willl learn to defend himself...lol... still gt more training to cum along...

~*there is lesser and lesser sms*~

~*lesser and lesser from him*~

i know iz oli a crush... cox i cant like him...

~*bye bye sbss*~

sbss is gone... but sb is still ss... lol... decide to disband it cox we sian liao and i tink sb dun like it... so haix dun play le... lol... sorries

.::finalli he replied sumting::.

~* why am i waiting for his sms? *~

actualli, i know i shd not be waiting for his sms cox dere are alot of reasons to it... but sumhow i m waiting... aniway, he replied today... the msg was long... but tokin abt the same old stuff... haix... at least better dan nuting... just asking more from him dan i ask from friend... iz not good.. i know iz not... but... life is full of buts

piaing homework... suddenlty becum veri guai... haix dis weekend cant go ipoh!!! haix nvm... sms.... hehe...

dese few days, free jiu help auntie bring my god bro... i know auntie veri busy...

auntie daughter just gave birth.. the new born is less dan a month old... ut guess wad he can do? iz super damn amazing... lol

1111111111

a new born... yet he can sort of listen to wad ppl say... iz like when pplcriticise him or said sumting not veri pleasing, he will start crying... when he is crying, my auntie will 'ask' him wad happened and he will stop... and when he here new noise, eg, mi coughing, he will look ard... mayb ur tink just coincident..,. but ix like not just once... lol... **cute**

2222222222

a new born, shd not hafe the ability to control muscles... but when he was brought back, and when my auntie tried to bathe him, he just push himself up to standing position... of course still wif my auntie holding on to him,... he will contract his muscles so tightly tat u find it hard to make him sit back.,.. but his temper not veri good ah... but nvm... **cute**

3333333333

new born cant see tings yet... dey can see faint light source... dis little cutie here act as though he can see many tings... he will keep looking ard wif his big eyes... his eyeball hor, the black parts are more dan the white part... damn,,, i dunno wads the scientific name for dose two parts le... forget le... nvm... he still veri cute... **cute**

izzen him cutE? i wan his foto up here sumday... haha...

tml buying bio text... super expensive... ok... actualli tatx the normal price for a txt in jc... campbell...53 buckx

the doc say my x ray report dis time round okies... normal... gave mi medicine for stopping pain... the mefenamic acid wich stop pain will cause gastric... so i m given antacid tablets too... den she gave mi cream for applications... and vitamin B complex tablets for supplement ofmy nerves.. cox a small part next t my injury is still numb... numb as in could not feel aniting... scare.... veri scare... now i dun even know wads wrong...

she excused mi from pe for 1 more week... haix... how? i want 30 for napfa... lol... i dun care...

go slp le... lol... oways blogging at nites... next morning see mi slping in lect... but gt improvement le... i didnt slp during lect today!!! tml oso wun slp... lol... but suck sia.,.. tml gt PW!!! !@#$%^&* my PW teacher suck lahx.x... damn kao pei... wadever... still have to face her... let her goahead.. since the whole class is against her... muahahahahahahahaha...

ppl... remember... I M EVIL... lol.... muahahahahahha...

[ -_-''' ] tatx mi... and... [ -_-* ] mian bao for going havoc wif mi... thankx... lol

.::nuting is wrong, but that does not mean everyting is rite::.

~*let mi go into depression*~

~*at least i let tings out*~

~*i m ok after that*~

~* [[ = *~

i m depressed the past few days... but i m ok now.. hehe... sori ahx... but hor... life is quite sian wifout dance ah... hehe... bear wif it... ppl out dere... u will haf enuff to make u tired out aft dis long break... cultural pot cuming ah... haha...

for dose hu dunno hor... rehearsal is on the 18/16 may... i not sure wich day lah... bt both days are so near... haha... **good luck** huh...

~*rock on NHDS*~

~* [[ = *~

.::brotherhood... take it away if u realli want::.

~*i lost my right to choose*~

~*since the time i choose to be wif dem*~

i m tired abt everyting...sumhow i m... i just came to realise tat i no longer haf a choice in whether to continue helping the sec3boys or not... cox i noe, no matter wad choice i made, the outcome will still be the same...

i didnt do much for dem, except for playing along wif dem... i m 'complained' by all lot of ppl for being biased... wich i wun deny... i M biased... but no matter how much complain i heard, i never care... cox i believe in wad i m doing...

but sumtime i start to tink whether everyting is worthot or not... den i can oli accept the sad reality...

the reality is... to continue helping dem... keep hoping and hoping... becox i dun haf a choice...

i wun haf the heart to let go... that is one ting for sure...

and wadever tat i do, i must tink of a whole lot of consequences... in front of different ppl say different type of story...

and wadever trouble or other stupid ting tat dey do, the next ting tat i can do, is to help dem settle it... i dun haf a choice...

iz tiring to say diff story, but i still haf to continue.. its tiring to pick up the mess... but i dun haf choice...

i nv put in so much... i m just like a mother... tat is wad i feel... sumtime... watching dem grow... hoping the best for dem...

i m selfish... selfish to haf the tout... i know sum mayb joking, but sumhow i just feel tat sumone or sum ppl in the grp realli mean wad dey say... kick mi out of the group...

if dey realli do that, i can onli smilllingly return the brotherhood shark teeth to dem... do i haf a choice? i dun haf... cox i know even if dey choose to take the shark teeth away, i will still do wad dey say... i can oli accept it... i will oli b sad, but i will not gif up on dem or do aniting bad to dem... cox i know i wun haf the heart...

~*i can oli say*~

~*i just hope the best for dem*~

.::why?::.

~*i dunno wad lah*~

~*i m tinking too much =x*~

~*bitchy mi =x*~

went out wif him [[1]] tat day...hah... fun lah... iz like normal friend... haha... happi le lor... at least i know i m happier like tat... haha... more relaxed... he is a grea friend...

ok... recently i tink i m getting too involved... i noe tat i cannot go on liddat... i m controlling le huh... i tink he [[2]] oso making tings clear... but sumhow iz like a bit the guai... sumting he do and the waty he trying to make tings clear contradict...

i noe wad i m doing... haha... go pia homework le...

~*why do i always go for the impossible?*~

~*if i sink in again..*~

~*iz another impossible case*~

~*haha... zai zai is gone*~

.::wwad can i do?::.

~*i can oli complain*~

to tink of it... wad can i do abt the whole matter except letting everyting end here... wif the different tinking of others?

i cant clarify... even if i clarify, u noe... iz still one sided... on my part, defencing myself...

i just hope tat dose hu dunno a single tiny little bit of ting abt wad realli happened to shut the f**k up... not tat i heard aniting recenly... but sumhow... dis ting just hang dere... feeling uneasi...

mouth on other ppl face... dey want to spread, no one will noe... i noe ur trusted mi... but the others dun... wad can i say?

sorri for keep complaining... although i know complain wun help.,.. but i still do... haix... at least let mi vent my anger k?

~*ya... rainbow oways cum aft a rain*~

~*if ot why izzit called a RAINbow?*~

.::i tout i waas orite::.

~*i tout i was orite*~

~*until i realise tat first impression counts*~

i tout everyting was over... until i realise tat SO mani ppl in nhss whom i dun realli know, dun like mi...

they are so close to XXX... the oli reason tat i can tout of is still tat ting... sorii... i know u trust mi, bt others dun...

to tell the truth, i tink up to dis point, ur actualli still believe tat i was the one hu... u cant possibly go and tell a person hu is on the verge of commiting suicide and sum1 hu is damn sad tat: U R THE ONE!!!iz normal to say sumting nice to let tat person feel better... if u insist tat the person is at fault, ppl will cum aft u, saying u 没有人情味... get my point?

mayb ur r just saying sumting against wad u r tinking... haix...

i dunno how to defend myself le... i can oli accept dis? but i cant... so wad can i do? no one can help mi...

i shd not be too involved rite from the start... i should not even be their friend... if i was not, den i wun get to know tat matter and nuting will happen... m i rite?

iz just another caase of my stupidity... so hu else can i blame? except myself...

so now... accept dis bahc....

sad case rite? haix.. i m the worst friend of all.. i never know wad to say and wad not to say... so dun tell mi aniting at all from now on wards... u noe.. hu knows when i will expose everiting rite? sad case huh...

i once tout that everyting is over...until now... i heard tings tat make mi feel tat way...ok sumone out dere is sure tinking tat...

dis stuppid girl, saying stupid tings again... she must be so damn seeking for attention... wah lao... hum... oli dare to say online... aiya... se throwing stupid tantrums again... dun care lah

expected... tats wad i can say...

~*i haf no choice in dis situation*~

~*the onli choice tat i can make has passed mi*~

~*i choose the wrong path*~

~*i choose to pick up the fone to listen to wad dey haf to say*~

.::hope, tats wad i m tinking now::.

~*why m i tinking abt tat again?*~

~*i m not brave enuff*~

i tout thru tings again... after so long tat i decide to let go, i m tinking abt it again..how stupid can i get?

i haf given up... the definition of given up is he dun occupy much of my touts animore... tat doesnt mean tat i dun tink of him...

it is not long, but 1 year is more dan enuff... more dan enuff for mi to haf trouble letting go totalli...

ya, i haf given up, but i still haf hope... i still hope tat sumting will happen... sum miracle or sumting.. i said miracle cos i know it will nv happen...

i know it sounds quite bad and bitchy, but i still haf hope tat he will realise how much i haf done... not alot to be compared wif others sumtimes... but to mi, i never do so much...

i sumhow cant stand seeing him so quiet at times... sumtime i tink i shd go and tok to him, bt i dun like the feeling of toking to him... all along i never like tat... he always gif mi the feeling tat i m toking crap and he cant b bothered... ya, i m toking crap, but...haix... so even now when i see him quiet, i usualli wun tok to him... cox i dun see the point...

the other time,just when i choose to gif up, i still tink alot abt him... little tings tat he do still gif mi hope... but dey r all false hope...

i noe i haf given up... but i dunno how long tat hope will stay within mi... i will try to let go totalli... i haf to... i dun haf a choice...

~*i haf to gif up totalli*~

~*i know i haf to*~

~*i dun haf a choice*~

~*i know him well*~

~*i cant keep him in my heart*~

~*ever since i start waiting*~

~*i lost my right to choose*~

~*the hope wun last long*~

~*i hope it wun*~

.::sbss::.

~*life can be veri fun*~

~*everyting is just my choice*~

i was going super duper hyper wif rachel lahx... haha... as in the past weekend..

first went to hwa chong... hehe... we were looking at shibin.,.. haha... he is cool lor... tats our conclusion...

den we decide to set up a club for him... havoc rite? sbss... stands for ShiBinSoShuai... i tink i was the one whu tout of it... aiya... jus for fun... i dunno how long the craze will last aniway...

i realise tat life can be dis fun... everyting is just plainly my choice... so i shd choose to be happi... :] hehe...

i learnt alot of tings from weihong... to mi, he taught mi a lot of tings... mayb he didnt realise... but i realli learnt alot... hehe... i feel 失败 at times... haha... but good to learn still...

haf to do sumting to my leg... i want to train my legs... my eg suck to the hell lor... i m bad wif my basic... so i swear to train hard after my knee heal...

i want to go to look for cheap 针灸, to solve the swell in my knee... i found cheap one, but i dun haf time!!!

hehe... happi... mrs wong invited mi back for the buffet lunch... honoured sia... bt i will be late aniway... cox i haf to study till 2.15...

i want the 2 dvds... go sms mrs wong and ask her abt it... :P

~*respect is sumting given to sumone hu deserve it*~

~*iz oso sumting tat has to be given out before it can be received*~

.::just plain today::.

~*how to earn respect yet be friends?*~

~*i dun tink i will ever learn tat*~

went to cckss in the afternoon to look for jin wei... i m interested in how he run a mass production... and i went there to look for my auntie hu is one of the canteen vendor...

first i met up wif my auntie and i told her the news abt my uncle... haix... now i wish for all the bestfor him and his family... dey haf alot to look after... i just pray tat his operation will be a success and pray that he will recover fast and be safe and sound

i saw the way he run the whole production sumhow lah... i was wondering how did he managed to be friends wif the youngsters yet at the same time earn their respect when he is commanding dem... iz the standard tat u require from dem...iz tough lor... i tink lah...

~*respect is sumting tat shd be given before u will receive it in return*~

.::sumting wrong::.

~*sad case*~

sumting is just terribly wrong wif my blogs... the template keep mixing up... i tink my com gt prob bahx.... aniway i go slp first tml den say...

i wan to cry le lor

.::crying again... cox i learnt::.

~*looking back*~

~*i expect to realise how silly i was*~

~*but oli to know how sad i was at tat period of time*~

mayb to alot of ppl i dun seem to be going thru alot dose dark days, wichis actualli last week... cox when ur see mi, ur feel tat i m orite...

yeh... i was orite on the surface... aniway, today when i went back to read the entries, not oli m i amazed by how mani entries i post, i was oso amazed by how i managed to get thru dose times...

iz like... even when i read back, i can still remember how sad i was... how i felt tat nuting can kip mi going animore...

but today, ur saw a different mi... i m oright now... i was just too stressed up? cox tings turn out well when i started to go out and play, and when time solve all my questions slowly...

the time pass real slowly... it is... except in the morning when i m in sch... i will not haf time to tink of tat... the rest of the time, i m jus plain depressed... but i m orite now...

i shed tears when i read the entries again... i realised how much friends ard mi played a part in my life... even the person tat i hate most played a part... i learnt to not b merciful to ppl like dem...

i realise tat i may claim tat i dun care, but sumhow, at the end of the day, i care... i just dunno how to say... ix the same feeling as not being able to open ur mouth to tell ur parents : 'i love u'

i realise tat no matter how down i m, sumone or her will always be dere... i m just feeling damn guilty tat becox of mi, i hai until so mani ppl unhappi, especialli daryl... i oso mah fan alot of ppl... thank you Daryl, Zhongyi, Sam, Zhenyu, Weihong, Shibin, Yincheong, Hannbin, Dallan, i tink i missed out a lot of ppl... wah... i created trouble for dese ppl... dey r dose hu helped either by cheering mi up, helped mi, or simply just listen to mi... iz enuff... :) tats the best that i can ever get...

realised all dance ones? yeh...nhds rock on... we r one big family... :)

.::i dun care..hee::.

~*i used to care*~

~*but now i dun!!! :) *~

i used to care how ppl look at mi... den recently i heard from sumone tat sum ppl out dere in the world dun like mi... as in buai song mi...

like the usual mi, i tink for quite sumtime... den i wasted so mani brain cells tinking why dose person dun lyk mi... den i cum to a conclusion... hee

dey dun like mi, let dem be... i dun live my life for dem... i can sense hu is fake and hu is not...hee... so let it be.,.. if u sensed tat i m fake to u den mayb i buai song u bahs...

hee... if unsure must cum and ask mi first... in case gt misundstding...

aniway... life is liddat la... haha... mouth on ppl face, brain in ppl head, heart in ppl body... wad can do to change? iz possible but iz time consuming... and currently i gt no tme for it...

advice to all... if ppl bu shuang u or hate u, as long as dey dun cum disturb u, jus accept it... wad can u do? unless iz misundstding den tey go clear tings up

~*like it or not*~

~*iz never my choice*~

~*if dey r happi hating mi, let dem be..*~

~*but warning...*~

DUN CUM AND DISTURB ME!!!

Hee... evil abit lah... haha... but i mena wad i say...

.::i m ok::.

~*a million thankx to dose hu helped and stand by mi*~

~*a million sorri to dose hu i offended*~

to dose hu are concern... i m orite le... i tink... had a great day today.. and i tink the next cuming few days will just be as great... go sch on monday and explain to teacher tat i cant run...

aniway...the past few days were long and bad... i waited for dis week to pass... i waited for veri long... now iz abt to be over... i started tinking back...why i was liddat? aniway i dunno... i just hope tat i wun sink in again...i haf no more mental strength for it le...

dis few days... i hurt countless of ppl... so mani tat i hurt in one way or another... i can oli say i m ok now... i wun sink in animore... cos i settled the most few pressing probs... as for hu tat senior is, i dun care le... i nv have tat tout... tings will prove itself rite too... i m not XXX... :P

i sumhow realise how to look on the brighter side...ppl accuse wun die one rite? sumone told mi tat... i know lah... but give mi time to accept tat... i will... i dunno how long i will take...

sori if i treated u words as rubbish or aniting... i realli cant tink well dose few days... i was nv tat down before... i dun tink i will be tat down ever again...

to ppl out dere whom i went out wif today... can tell ur tat ur never fail to make mi laugh but oso nv fail to make mi cry... but thx aniway...

i will nv tink of ending my life ah... i nit the world, as much as the world nit mi in sum ways...i haf to watch ppl grow... not just younger friends but my sis too...

no one cum to dis world by chance...all of us played a part in each others life... ur are dere for a reason... u dunit to find tat reason... just do ur best for each other and tings will be orite...

life will be beautiful... as beautiful as before...

.::inspiration song::.

~*heard dis song during GOMES house election*~

~*it woke mi up frm my deep dream in my sorrow*~

Mariah Carey - Hero

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

[Chorus:]
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

[Chorus]
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way
[Chorus]

.::thank you::.

~*thank you for ppl out dere*~

~*i will be alright soon*~

for dose hu tried to help... thx... i m just hurt... give mi time to recover... mayb tings will be orite soon...

apologies can be great antidote...but dey too nit time to take effect... so give mi time...

~*i will be orite soon*~

~*i tink...*~

~*if i dun jump down frm the pyramid tml...*~

~*everyting will den be orite*~

.::accusations?!::.

~*accusations cum from others*~

~*sumting tat i cant control*~

~*so i no longer gif dem a damn*~

~*i just want to put everyting to a stop*~

~*mayb even my connections wif the world*~

life, mood and attitude of mi in the morning and at night is totalli different... i can be smilling happily but tat does not mean i m happi inside... 自闭, staring into space... make mi laugh... i laugh simply imply tat i cant control my laughter... not tat i m orite...

why does bad tings oli hit mi at nite... it will left mi to cry thru the nite... end up? i m left wif swollen eyes...

dere are tings tat i didnt say and didnt tink of but sum idiots out dere put into my mouth... so, in the end, everyting originated from mi... COOL rite? i m forever the one... forever the big mouth here... forever the one wif the MOST evil plan in the world... forever the most cunning one in the world trying to RULE CHINA ah?

wad others say is forever the truth and wad i say is oways shit... can sumone tell mi wad i haf done to deserve all dese? simply becox i went too close to dem?...

no offence, but asking mi to cheer up wun help... cos i realli dunno how to le...life just keep moving on and time just keep passing on... but i m forever stuck here wif accusation from others...

can sumone at least cum here and ask mi b4 spreading tings ard?

ya... i told dem not to tell u aniting cox i tink u are not trust worthy...

ya... i m trying to rule NHDS, just like tat XXX

ya... i nv put in ani effort to help... i m forever telling u tat i dunno...

ya... dis ting concern oli the 3 of u... i m just another ka po, putting shit into my own mouth...

say i 小气，心胸狭窄，or aniting... so long time le, i still rmb... apologise to mi le i still bring it up to kao pei...

i tell u... i dun care... cox i HATE accusation... accusation can make mi die... since young, i m like tat... i hate being 冤枉...

i can easily forget it if tings dun hit mi all at once... but imagine.. in less dan 1 week, i m here crying dunno how to handle tings animore... to tink tat i go to sch i still put on a happi front... cox i noe tat if i m sad in sch i haf to repeat everyting... i just hate tat... it oli incur more anger and no solution at all...

not tt i dun accept ani help or aniting... but dese tings cant be settled by others... everyting will cum back to mi in the end... i can oli face dem myself...

but no matter how hard i try, i get tings off my mind... but b4 tings are totalli gone, another accusation hit mi again... so wad can i do?

so i tink the best solution is to accept the accusations and put everyting in mi... when i reach my limit... nuting in dis world can hold mi back animore...

i m now just hoping tat i will hear no more accusation... cox i dunno when i will reach my limit...

for dose hu haf intention to help... plz let mi handle dis myself... the limit is still far off... and i know... even if i claim tat i will end my life, i still dun tink tat i haf the courage to do it... i still haf tings not complete... yaya... stupid crap dese are...

i felt like a slut when i read ur blog... u r concern abt him... i m concern abt her... seeing her sad... i m sad too... she is my friend... all 3 of ur are... wad can i do? why did u even blog tat in ur entry... yayayayaya... i m the one hu tell her everyting k? why did i go tell her? aiyo... stupid mi... so sorry... i didnt tink of consequences before saying aniting... yaya... dis ting concern the 3 of ur only... so sorry tat ur 2 actualli choose to tell mi abt it when it happened... so sorry tt i get to know the 3 of ur... so sorry tat i m ur senior... veri sia suay ah... so sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry

is dis wad ur2 want? here... i give it to u... if ur insist i m the one hu did it... den i shall give ur wad ur want... dozen and dozen of apologies... for sumting tat i didnt do...

i nv betray ur trust...if i was the one... i would admit, but i m not... i want the smile on her face... cos i tink she deserved to be 幸福... but cum to tink of it now... maybe u dun deserve her... cox u betray her too... maybe the one hu backstab u, wanted to let u have a taste of betrayal...

ya... i m EVIL accept it... i m selfish... accept it... i m stubborn... accept it...

~*the evil one here shall rule*~

~*the ka pao one here shall spread more tings ard*~

~*the betrayer here shd tell even more ppl abt it*~

~*the lazy one here shd cont to not help u wif aniting*~

.::sad, disappointed::.

~*dun avoid*~

~*depression*~

i dunno wad caused mi to into depression... i oli know i m at a lost dis morning... dunno wad to do next... but now i m ok le... thx to zhongyi ah.. thank you for toking to mi... i reallise how childish i m... my tinking i mean... now tings were beta,i tink i nit to cry all out... beta dan mi kip tinking abt it...

i m having depression... apology to sum and mayb dose tat i cause ur to feel buai song... cox iz like i m just plain sad... dunno over wad...

the following time will be devoted to handle my relation well, kip track of my hp bill, educate dem... i wan the best for dem... i will prove to the others tat dey too can be good... time is the oli ting tat matter... i wun side dem unreasonably le... dey wrong i will oso scold... actualli i m scolding dem whenever dey r wrong... just tat ppl outside didnt know... the next more impt ting is to kip my baby company... sumhow felt tat we drift le... i tink i m not toking enuff to her or not doting her enuff... i promise i will try to improve terms between us...

~*depression for a while oli*~

~*sorrie for dose whom i bothered*~

~*thankx for dose going thru dese wif mi*~

.::iz time to clarfiy tings::.

~*i tout tings thru*~

~*oli to realise tat my greatest enemy is myself*~

i was feeling bad when i first typed tat entry... den slowly i realise tat i m trying to find out hu knows mi well... i tink... i admit tat i m petty and abit the bully dose weaker but i tink i dare to say tat i treat ppl nice not becox i nit deir help in future... except for a few... ;)

sorrie if i caused ani touble or aniting... i m just plain childish...

aniway i was hit badly by sumone comment... i came back to nhss and on good terms wif the sec3boys cos i wan nhds to run the way i want it to... dey will be in power soon ah... i felt terribly WRONGED... it was never my intention from the start... i can die from ppl wronging mi...

~*i wan to know hu tat person is!!!*~

.::m i realli like tat?::.

~*although i type wad i typed*~

~*but i still doubt myself*~

~*m i realli like tat?*~

ok... even i myself dunno myself well... althoug i typed dose in the previous entry but i still not sure whether i m realli like tat...

as in... i m refering to the way i treat my friends... m i treating dem nice simply for the sake tat dey may b useful to mi in the future?

i dunno... but i asked 3ppl... gt 2 tell mi tat i m not like tat... wad can i say? seems to mi, i m just tat bad... especialli when it cums to facing him...

can sumone jus tell mi wad exactly i m tinking?

~*cry,sad,sob*~

~*but i still dunno the answer*~

.::BAD points about mi!!!::.

i added new tings...

i m oso tat kind of person hu get jealous easily... little tings... i like to be recongnise.. especialli when i do tings... i wan ppl to know... when ppl dunno... i will go crazy sumhow...

~*see dis before u decide to cont to b my friend*~

ok...basically... dis entry is to let ppl know my bad points... ppl out dere... b it u hate mi or treat mi as ur friend, as ur close friend or as ur best friend or aniting... plx read le before u continue being my friend or aniting...

to mi, i m not as simple as u tink i m... ya.,... i m tomboy... blah... not acting like a girl or aniting... but i can tell u i dun care... i dun realli care how ppl look at mi...

i used to care... until i realise tat life is tough caring more abt others rather dan spending time caring abt ur own self...

i m jus sumone hu oways like to bully ppl hu are weaker dan mi... dose hum ones... and ppl younger dan mi... dis cos mi to behngry for power... i m hungry for power... i tink iz quite obvious...i tink i m just abit like tat OS... going back to nhds for power... at times to mi... tats wad i tink... not always... iz bad enuff

next is the fact tat i help ppl for sum causes one... i m good to u... simply i m scare tat when i nit help no one is dere for mi... at least when i help sumone now... tat sumone will be dere to help mi when i nit help... so i mayb good to u and help u, but the real reason to why i help u may not be the fact tat i treat u sincerely or sumting... but simply becos of the fact tat u may haf 利用价值 in the future.... believe it or not... i tink i m like tat...

i may be nice to u at one moment but keep shooting u the next moment simply becox tat u pissed mi off... i get pissed easily... sumtimes i shoot u simply becos i tink tat u r funny... funny as in reaction... oso the KICK tat i gt when i BULLY some one... i m like tat...

i like to bully ppl when i haf a backup... i m jus like dose stupid gangster out dere.... just tat i m HUM... not brave enuff to BE a clever gangster.... to say the truth... one of my sub concious aim is to be a gangster hu is good at everyting... i m just sumone bad...

i m petty too... tats why i bu shuang ppl so easily... once u do sumting to piss mi.,.. i will start racking out old tings tat u pissed mi and i will keep shooting u till u die or i die...

i never hate ppl... i just hate one in my life... i tink a lot of ppl know le... mayb tat person noe too... but i m still treating tat person nicely... cos he is still USEFUL to mi now... in sum ways...

i oso like tings to be done my way... so when i give advice, u dun heed... i will be damn bu shuang... but if u are able to gif mi reasons tat i can accept to explain wad i said was wrong... den i will give in...

i m wicked... bitch jian, despo or ani other tings bad... but i m just wad i m...... accept it and be my friend or hate mi... all u want... or treat mi like the way i mayb treating u now... but i dun tink i m useful in ani way...

evil mi huh... so wads ur decision now? still treat mi as ur friend?

dun tell mi to go and tok to anione to sort itngs out... i oli tok tings out wif hums... cox easily settled... as for other ppl... i wun tok to him or her if i dun care abt him or her... so... if i dun tell or tok u abt ur prob... tat means i dun care...

if i do tok to u... iz either i realli caare or the fact tat u may b useful tomi in the future...

.::NHDS::.

~*the good results*~

~*are sure worth waiting for*~

ya... happiee... rock the whole stadium sia.. hehe... run ard stadium... aft everyting gt one stupid person cum kao pei mi... i dun care...

zhu lin result wait till quite late... ur did ur best... ur rawk... WE DID IT AGAIN... straight golds... just wad we wan....

ur did it together... we are one NHDS

~*zhulin gold*~

~*oai oai oai gold wif honours*~

.::dis few days::.

~*fine but pain*~

nuting much happened except the two perfromance...

for the first time in my life... i walk in the shopping mall in my costume... and make up...

why... it oways rain during our outdoor nite performance...

sumone's pant split... audience saw... abit the my fault... sori... hee...

i fell... i hit my knee cap... and the surrounding area... dun seem bad but i know it is... hit one old injury... walk will abit pain... hit another leg... cannot even kneel...

tatx all

.::ya::.

~*ya... crying dun help*~

~*i will control*~

ok... basicalli, i started my day off wif much hope... just like wad i haf blogged ytd... wich was changed when i reached sch... i was struck by disappoinment.... den came mani rounds of crying... so basicalli, today i go nhss i did nuting much during deir dance pract except slp and cry and eat WAFFER BISCUIT!!! dey rock lor...

oh ya... today make koonhui hulk up... finalli... budden iz like... i felt bad towards him... i was oreadi so sad and depessed den he cum alon at the wrong time and step on my tail... so in the end he die... dio blasted by mi... in the end he pushed mi to the door near the piano...

cool... sorrrie koonhui... damn bad mood today sia... but sumhow i achieve sumting... hee... he finalli hulk up...

tok to him abt his prob tat i heard frm the others... den i dunno he gt listen or not... but i seriously hope he gt... cox i will help him...

aniway... den did sumting...went wif mrs wong go buy food for sec2 and 3 nkf... i tink dey veri hungry... hee... but sumhow the food dun seem to b veri nice...

dey went for nkf... vomit blood ah the sec3 and sec1s.... wah lao... sec1... blur until dunno wad to say... blur still nvm... slowly dey follow instruction... budden the prob is dey dun even listen... sec1 girls hor...start playing wif dem and dey climb over ur head...

warning to all.. i undstd dem le i tink... so plz plz heed my advice... dun get too close to the sec1 girls... play wof dem and dey dun treat u like senior and climb over ur head...

next is sec1 boys... siao sia... oso play and play... budden i dun realli know dem yet so no advice for ur... cos iz like i m still testin out... see scold gt use or notx...

one big prob wif the sec1 is dey not detailed enuff... wah... keep assuming and assuming and assuming... dey will die like tat...

sec3 up next... wad can i say? abit the disappointed wif the gals sia... i tink dunit to sya dey oso know le lah... wah... sumone go cos traffic jam becox of sum idol... hor? hee... dun mention name... tink a lot ppl know le... i just tried to pull her along...

guys... aiyo... doing quite fine... cox dose veri playful ones not ard... ppl like... sxx bxx, yxx cxxxxx... i dun mention name... cho obvious le lah... the few dere can take charge... gt power sia... cont testing out the sec1 guys tml or shd i say later? hee...c gt use or nox...

ok... i the waiting area... i hit my head when i tried to do hou yao wif one finger... stupid mi go and put weight on my finger lor... sum BIG mistake make... got one big ba lu ku...

not being able to be wif the nkf thru out everyting tml... scare sia... wrry... scare sec3 and sec2 boys cant handle well...

thank you for tat email... it helped mi alot...more confident now sia... i assure you i will do my best... if one day i cant put in my best animore... i will inform u... den u can deal wif mi aniway u like... thanks for placing hope and trust on mi... :)

~*once a nan hua dancer*~

~*always a nan hua dancer*~

.::i m HAPPIEE!!!::.

~*mani tings happened*~

~*sad yet i get to learn*~

ya...today nhss gt dance... quitee sad at first becox of sum stupid tings... den aft tat ting settle le... den i sort of veri HAPPIEEEEEEE...

iz like... dese few days... i realised tat dey haf grown up and i realised tat i know dem quite well huh... hee... and i realli mean quite well... dunno how to say... not to say i know dem totalli, budden iz like i know deir character le...

i know how to be brothers wif dem le... :) mayb sum other gals reading dis post tink tat iz no big deal or sumting... budden i gif u dis job... go to a grp of ard 20 boys, hus age are younger dan u by 2 years except one... spend 2 and 1/2 years go and know dem well... it is no easy task... at least i tink tat sumone out dere wun b able to do it... since she draw such a clear line btw senior junior... apologies... i 'shoot' her again... cox i cant stand her... blahxxx....

~*i maybe on the verge of giving up*~

~*but i never regret helping*~

.::confrontation::.

~*i haf changed...*~

~*the old mi wun do tings liddat*~

after dese few days, i realised tat i haf changed... the past mi wun go and do sumting like i did dese few days... i tink alot of ppl know le... haha... damn obvious lah... first is mi stand dere tok to him... next is i sit dere tok to him until veri loud...

i can tell ur lah... he is jus plain bad luck... disturb mi when mi most stressed... so in the end... i jus soot until he die... i m even prepared to fight... i will slap him if he keep his stupid attitute... aniway... i realli hope settle le lah...

i shall not say animore tings abt him le lah... cox i scold him alot le...

back to mi... i realise i changed... aft i stop waiting... more and more act lian... more and more gangster like... i start wearing rings... haha... doing tings tat i didnt do in the past few months...

to tell the truth.. .no one in dis world is totalli not hum... just tat apparently i m less hum dan the other guys...

~*life move on*~

~*dun care wad other tink*~

~*自己高兴就好*~

~*life will be easier tat way*~

~*meaning in life can be found easily*~

~*just look at the bright side of life*~

thx for reading fortune for mi... iz accurate!!!

.::depression again?!::.

~*The place bring back oli sad memories*~

~*why do i keep going back?*~

~*my friends are dere*~

weihong ask mi why i everytime i go nhss i go into depression? haiz i dunno... den i start to tink... i gt the answer...

today, dey do props... mi d props, daryl do props... i suddenly feel sad... i want to cry... i want to let everyting out... but sumhow i cant cry...

here i am feeling guilty abt everyting... guilty tat my batch EXCO is such a big letdown... guilty tat i m such a loser, not doing enuff when we were in charge... we cause sum of the probs tat are present now... guilty tat i cant help to imprve tings when we were in charge... guilty tat now i cum back yet i cant do much... guilty tat i cum back do props yet i m kind of like slacking...

budden i realised today... wads the point of mi feeling guilty when i tink tat i didnt put in my best to do the props... wads the point even if i put in my best? the others, refering to the sec3boys... sum of dem are just slacking... dun dey even fel guilty or aniting?

i cant find animore meaning in helping dem... sumhow i start to tink tat dey are no longer worth it... i didnt do as much as daryl... but bcox of dem... i sort of receive negative comments... saying mi biased and every shitty ting...

i dun like her... simply becox she 'touched' the sec3 boys casuing dem sum stupid ting... sumting tat will not happen if wifout her... not to say dey not at fault bt hu is she man... ok... apologies to daryl... i m biased... i m harsh... budden i dun realli care...

iz just tat few more days... although i dun realli find ani point in helping dem... but i noe i will cont to help dem... :) i will stay happy... :)

.::tired? i am. do u know?::.

~*too many things at once*~

dere r just certain tings tat i just cant blog... but i sumhow haf to say it out or sumting to vent everyting... mayb i will tell it to sumone... but seems like no one haf time for mi now... even i m feeling tat i dun haf time for dose stupid tings tat i m undergoing...

to mi... the impt ting now is SYF... i was toking to daryl... den i realise tat being part of it in the last syf is not as stressful as wad we are going thru now...

tat is the problem wif graduates... know wad is wrong... but can do noting...

mayb i will write everyting into a letter? hee...i dunno...

~*Once a Nan Hua Dancer*~

~*Forever a Nan Hua Dancer*~

.::tirred::.

~*the same old word appeared as title again*~

i m tired...aft so many days... i decide iz time to blog again... occupied by nhds blog... i delete the previous blog cox iz like it cause alot of misunderstanding around moi... hee... so delete beta... mi tired of explaining... sianz...

.::r u despo?::.

~*cant even tink of aniting poetic to describe dis*~

~*i m not a born poet rite from the start*~

it make mi realise how big a failure i m... regarding all dis matter... he is jux another bastard tat i fail to notice... mayb not jus mi... alot ppl ard mi still haf not manage to notice... he is jus a Despo Bastard Slacker... tat is wad i shall label him as now... he jus sux lahx...

i dunno wad to continue typing... i oli hope to expose everyting... i want him to die a terrible death... he dun deserve all these good attention... i wan him exposed.... i m evil... i know!!!! i dun care... i dun gif it a damn.. i hate him... the first person i hate... yet i still have to put on a happy front... i jus want to expose everyting... i wan him dead... i m bad... i m agitated now... i jux wan to stop his evil acts... b4 he proceed to his next prey... wich is oreadi in his palm... waiting jus for the rite time... less dan a year away... the tim eis drawing near...

~*i want him dead~*

~*i wan to expose everyting*~

~*stop his evil act*~

~*save his prey*~

.::i m tired::.

~*i m tired of seeing him*~

~*disappointment is wad i get in return*~

so many things happened dese few days... so much tat i jus cant seem to digest everyting... not just mentally but physically too...

mentally... disappointment is all tat i got back... not to say tat for the past years i placed hope on him or sumting... but i jux didnt expect iz him... the worst of all tat i know... tat is juz wad tat disappointed mi...

he is different from another guy... HE bu jiang yi qi... HE is a criminal!!! i juz simply labelled him as one...

he is good at everyting..but wad is the point??? his character sux to the core... he izzen even fit to be a dog... ya... and i realli mean it...

~*he is the first person tat i hate*~

~*there is no diff btw him and a criminal!!!*~

physicalli... haix... haha... qian fan... addicted... but i still cant do it well... haix... cont training... haha... do my best... tml cont chionging... haha... i like grass fields so much now... haha... realise i cant do qian fan on dose blue mattress in PA... haha

.::cool day!!!::.

~*result of slacking for years*~

~*nuting accomplished*~

ya... i m quite slack for the past four years.. haha... not dose obvious slack... jux dun wna to pract dose stunts and stuff liddat... haha...

but recently got chance go stadium.... cooll... haha... finally lian qian fan... but it still sux lahx... and sort f finally lian cartwheel... aft so so so so so mani years... haha...

mr lim dere saying i too old for gym stuff le... haha... wad can i say? haha...ya i admit i too old le... hee...

~*one life*~

~*live it once*~

~*dun regret*~

.::dance::.

~*i nv knew tat i know tat much*~

haha... it sort of shocked mi... haha... i was toking to someone in nhss tat day... we went back to nhss for dance pract... hehe... i shall not mention hu tat person is...

we were sitting dere and tat person find it warm... he suggested switching on those standing fans... 3 sec3 boys sitting near the fan... haha...

i went up to sumwhere near the fan and told my friend... if he could name ani one of the sec3 guys name, i on the fan for him... haha... apparently he cant...

not tat mi laughing at him or sumting.. i sort of realised tat... ee... hehe... i know more dan my friends... haha... evil mi!!! haha... i dun care...

~*sumting can be taught but sum cant*~

was teaching koon hui how to be cool and scare sumone off... haha... sori, i know i was a bit the harsh when mi teaching u... but i hope u learn... blogging online wun help... u r simply sumone like tat edwin... haha... no offence...

koonhui actualli not a bad guy... he is a good friend... sadly i m not... but i can tell tat... he cant really b a good bf, cos he is abit the insensitive to gals tinking... he is sumone hu u can turn to when got trouble... tok to him, he will be more dan willing to listen... and suggest solutions and givve opinions at time... but i can tell u... his solutions sumtimes a bit the... erm... cant realli solve probs... opinion usualli is on diff sides as urs cox he gt diff point fo view... but he is still a good guy!!!

sounds like mama selling son off liddat... i will try to change him into a beta person... as in a beta guy for gals... haha...

~*everyone can change*~

~*oli the time taken tat matters*~

.::rubbish in acjc::.

~*leaving behind too much rubbish*~

~*no matter how much clearing up oso wun help*~

i leave too much rubbish in acjc le... tat is one of the main reason to y i wan to leave ac... iz a cool sch actualli... bad grades... miss sch... everyting bad... not even able o find a cca... so ... haix... mayb sa is a beta choice... start life anew... but it will b a bit diff for mi to go back to nhss when sa shift to potong pasir...

.::i dun realli want to move on::.

~*the earth keeps revolving*~

~*the time keep moving on*~

~*can the time just stop taking mi along?*~

~*i hate moving on*~

i hate changes... i never welcum changes... i dun wan changes to my life... i lyk it the way it is now... to mi, now going to sch seems to be a chore... i dun feel the bond... everyting is just different...

mayb rite frm the start i shd not have even joined dance... if i have know tat i will get so emotional, den i wun...

i go back nhss omost every single day... i know i dun haf a choice but to let go... but it is forever easier said dan done...

besides nhds, there is oso DI.. jus another smaller scale of nhds for mi to at least feel the bond... practices tat end late... and the fact tat my dad dun lyk dancing, makes him gif nasty remarks... he make his daughter sound like a BITCH!!! wad kind of dad do u tink he is? simply bcox he used to b a gangster and he assume tat i will b one?

forever others children are beta dan his own... forever others children more polite dan us... forever others children more sensible dan us...

(crude mi... click ontat [x] on top to stop reading... everyone haf a choice)

other children beta, ask them call u daddy lah... other children more polite, open ur eyes big and wide see hu greet the elders and hu dun... other children sensible, den ask dem cum ur hse live lahx... in my point of view... they r sensible cos dey dunit to spend time on deir studies... no matter how much time dey spend, dey oso get the same grades... den might as well learn how to be housewife househusband...

oli remember how bad we are... didnt realised the fact tat we stick how much gold onto his face... mi and sis get the best results in his side of family... his sister's grand-daughter DROP OUT!!! BAD CASE... his sister's grand-daughter can stay out all nites wif guys dun cum home... his sister's grand-daughter can sit in the coffee shop for the whole day...

u call tat BITCH and xia4 jian4... u call tat luan4 gao3 outside... DUN USE luan4 gao3 ON MI!!! I M NOT HER...

~*stop mi froming going back to NHDS and DI, and you will see the other side of mi... the bad mi... u will never want to haf a child liddat... i m optimisstic... but there is always a limit... i haf a choice to be bad or good... i wun want to change my decision now*~

.::MAybe i am just plain idiot and stupid?::.

~*it all make me seem stupid*~

i cried again today... sad case huh... i didnt want to... i am just sad... plain sad, disappointed and every other things bad...

i never want to lose my temper... i tried to sound nice... but it just does not seems to be of any use...

with a whole gang of others who think that this batch is bad, an even SOMEONE and some people who labelled them as disrespect, i never have that thought... they are simply my friends and nothing else... close friends... my close friends are actually them and not others my age...

maybe to some people out there, i am just plain idiot and stupid... what for shed all those tears when they don't undstd? what for try to go against the wind, trying to protect these little trees?

it is because of my trust for them... 3years are not alot , but they are enough to let u undstd a whole gang of people... i watch them grow... the same old grandmother story again... knowing that they will be serious when they are required to... but apparently they are not...

~*the howling of the wind continued into the late night*~

~*walking against the wind, i tried*~

~*for the sake of protecting the small trees*~

~*knwing that one day they will grow tall and strong*~

~*taking over my job*~

can the feeling of disappointment stop coming? i still believe that one day, i will no longer feel disappointed... becox the small trees would haf grown up by then... i dun care u believe mi or not... i trust myself and my small trees...

.::dance again,people in NHDS::.

~*dance rox...*~

~*got reason one horx*~

dancers always say dance rox, not becox of the achievement or aniting, but for the sake of the bond and every other good things...

i shall tok abt people in nhds in this entry...

i m jus too bored... tats why mi keep blogging... haha

people in nhds, to others maybe naughty and bad... but to our own dancers, other dancers in nhds are still great friends regardless of wad things he had done or said...

dancers in nhds mayb kids tat teachers gif up on and bad kids tat others in the sch despise, but in nhds, all of us are still friends... the attitute tat they gave during dance is totally diff from attitute tat they gif in class... believe mi... iz true...although SHE dun encourage dis, she want the good attitute to be in dance and class...

some examples... but i shall not mention names...

there is sumone hu dun like cumming to sch... but he forever will cum dance... unless he cant wake up on time...

i came across this gang... although dey hate sumone for doing something bad to dem, dey still gave him chance... even when they came up wif plannes to due wif him, dey oso put tat person in top consideration...

dere is sumone hu's form teacher gave up on him le... but in dance, we maybe scolding him ad things like tat but all we wanted was him to change for the better... cos we believe tat he can... and giving up on him was never one of our option

no matter how bad a person in dance is, other dancers still accept him as he is... tat is how we are educated...

no matter how bad a person is in his or her studies, he or she still receive = respect and no one will despise him or her at all...

~*to all those hu tinks tat they are bad...*~

~*remember that dancers in NHDS will never gif up on u*~

**abit crap :P

.::yaya, lige moves on::.

~*i never like changes*~

~*why did i gif myself the long break?*~

~*now i haf to re-adapt*~

why did i gid myself a long break???? haixnow i haf to readapt...

i m so used to spending time in nhss le... for the past weeks i haf been spending time wif nhds... the bond and everything else just pulled mi back from accepting the cuming new environment... now i m wishing tat i dunit to take up ani cca... i wan to spend time in nhss wif NHDS!!!

find mi stupid or aniting... i m now getting back tat same feeling tat i gt aft cultural pot last year... jux not tat intense...

sumtimes i m tinking... mayb i shd not even haf joined dance... if i didnt join, i wun waste so much tears le... crying bcox i haf to leave... i dun wan changes...i m jux so used to life in nhds... so used to everyting... life is not the same outside nhds...

~*i dun wan to change*~

~*but i m forced to*~

.::dance again::.

~*NHDS*~

here i am blogging about dance again... maybe i shall talk about wad happened to me on friday?

ok...early in the morning... zhongyi touched on the sensitive topic... the things that happened on thursday... later... me, him and sam stood there and hear someone talking... i think your know who i am refering to...

i don't know why... but when sam asked me to go away, the first thing that i did was not go and look after the others who are doing warm up... i went to the back and cried... kind of stupid huhx... but to me, i don't think zhu lin deserved the treatment that they received... feeling sad for them... and feeling sad for having HER in NHDS...

inside me, i am kind of angry with her for argueing stupid things but part of my heart still tells me that she is not that bad after all... she is just not good enough... although i am sad, i still told the others, who are scolding her, that, SHE is not that bad...

I don't deny the fact that she is not good... but she is simply not good enough... she wants to help but she didn't put in enough commitment...

maybe some people disagree with me and think that i am just her DOG or something, but i still have the same stand... i m neutral, but abit against her... she is not that bad... she is just not good enough... she is bad compared with previous in-charge. but she is good compared to others currently...

people please accept the fact that she is not that bad, but not good enough... another bad thing is the fact that she don't think that she is bad... maybe give her time???

for all my previous years in NHDS, i keep on hearing things like dance will fall when Xwho everX batch leave... but i can tell you... that will never happen... because the graduates will not allow that to happen...

~*from the moment we enter this NHDS family,*~

~*we know that one day we will leave the family*~

~*but we know that all our memories will still be linked*~

~*to keep the memories going*~

~*the only way out is to keep the family going*~

.::Handstand;;QIan Fan::.

~*Finally!!!*~

yaya... haha... i finally tried all these tings tat i didnt do for the past 4 years... have been slacking, for ur information... haha... wadever it is, i finally tried...

still veri bad... haha... but at least i tried huhx???

now cum to tink abt my past... for the past four years, i tried qian fan and gui fan all those tings... but i faced prob... cox my leg jux wun listen to mi... so in the end i didnt cont training...

link this to life... haha...

~*u dun try*~

~*u never know*~

ya... tat shd be the right spirit... dun live wif regrets and regrets in ur life... iz tiring and sad... life is short and yet u spend half of ur time pondering over whether to try or nox... iz kind of stupid... waste so much time...

.::wad can i do?::.

~*has he changed?*~

~*or has he always been like that?*~

so many people changed through these few years... it leave me puzzling whether they were like that when i know them, jux that i didnt realise or the fact that they really changed...

~*let's talk about the first HIM...*~

i used to think that he is very clever... because what he said is always sensible and logical... i will turn to him when i need someone to analyse my problems... but recently i realised the bad part of him... or should i say that i am just starting to accept that he is like that since long ago... not that he changed or anything... just that he hided his bad points well unknowingly, and i didn't realise...

his bad points maybe something small and not important compared to his good points... but i think soon, his bad points will leave a bad impression... the bad impression which even his good points can't change... simply mean that people will only remember his bad and not his good...

remembering bad and not good points is perfectly normal in this world... people are just like this... they remember the good point for the sake of comparing themselves with others good point... who will go and remember bad points and go compare their bad points?

anyway... i realised that he is just so concern about his mian zi... he is clever... he has the ability to twist and turn things when he faced embarrassment... for example when he do some wrong things, he will twist and turn and make what he do or say seems right... he also have the ability to twist and turn things to find reason for not doing somethings...

whaever it is.. he just don't admit his mistakes and he is simply forever right... even if he apologise, his tone will still be so unwilling...

~*not to the second HIM*~

he changed... i can say nothing much... he now is just concern about his own stuff and not others... selfish, but not totally... don't know what to say le

.::SYF::.

~*work hard not just for the sake of gold with merit*~

~*but also for the sake of our reputation*~

Maybe to the other CCAs, the Syf is only a competition for the sake of getting a gold... but i believe that in the mind of all the nan hua dancers... gold with merit maybe important, but the unity, the reputation, the bond formed worth much more...

giving up and missing practices simply for the sake of schoolwork problem is not a good excuse... say that reason to a senior and get shouted in the face (not that bad actually)... always remember the fact that you are not the only one going through a these things... nhds dancers around you too are going through the same things as you... if they can do it, you can do it too...

the mini choir, brotherhood pump, hei-hei-hei-OS, jie mei gang and hei-hei-hei-ha bring in laughter... much much more laughter than wad i heard in last SYF... high morale... high spirits... things will then go well

all those practices like BBQing feet, keep on diaoing and diaoing had actually became a source of laughter too... laughing at the funny way these practices are phrased... modern learning cultural dance and vice versa casued jokes too... haha... example... Si Aun...

Maybe to some other people in the school... what we had achieved for the school for the past few years are just golds, silvers and DANCE OF THE YEAR and nothing else le... all other CCAs are also giving the school pieces of metal... but i can tell you... to all the Nan Hua Dancer... what they got in return is not just golds or silver or any other things... but oso the most treasured thing in the world... friendship and bond... a bond that will stay with you forever... whether you are still in NHDS or not... because i believe in...

~*ONCE A NAN HUA DANCER*~

~*FOREVER A NAN HUA DANCER*~

as i had said... it is just less than 30 days away... just a bit more and we will get all the things that we want... hang on no matter how tiring it can be... for what you will get in return will be much more than what you are putting in now...

let other people in the school know that we deserve the privilledges and let them know that 'investing' in us is worth it...

~*the route maybe long and tiring*~

~*but the companionship urge you to continue moving on*~

~*the end may seem far and dangerous*~

~*but it will turn out to be something sweet*~

~*it is not far...*~

~*all you need is a committed heart*~

.::SYF++sec3 boys::.

~*serious or not...*~

~*dey know the time*~

tat has always been my mindset... the curret sec3 batch may be playful... but mind u... hee... when they are serious, dey can be VERI serious... and i realli mean veri...

to sum ppl... mayb i m jux like tat another person... hu i shall not name... but i jus haf the feeling tat... the current sec3 batch are jux not tat bad aft all...

ever since sec1... i sort of watch dem grow... from short became tall... from shorts became long pants... haha... iz kinda furnni... iz rite tat they are still quite immatured... but they haf matured alot...

haha... i tink the most furni ting of all is the fact tat i actualli mixed wif them... mi no longer treated as a gal animore...**BROTHERHOOD ROX** if u insist... haha... i mixed wif dem... know wad dose Os, SMM stuff means... haha... quite the lame... but iz fun...

i cant deny the fact tat dey brought laughter to NHDS... haha... but trouble... poking the pole from hall 2 to canteen in old campus... haha... alot more stupid stuff... like switching off mains to cause part of the sch to black out for a while... YAYA... all these are stupid tings done by these batch... but...iz still furni

sumtimes i tink... mayb they will nv learn... but i realise tat dey do... haha... especialli yin chong... haha... requested him to stop doing sumtings like shouting sum name... he actualli undstd the situation and didnt shout...shocked to c sum ppl like the few slackers to be serious at times too...

in the midst of hanging around wif dem...i realise tat dey dun draw a clear line btw junior senior... sumting good yet bad at times.. but nevertheless... dey are still greats friends hu u can tok to... i m refering to the sensible ones of course...haha

next time mi try to do brotherhood pump wif dem..haha.. of course gals style...

to ppl hu are oso trying to protect dis batch, plx realise tat ix worth it...dey will learn

to the sec3 batch... plx... dun disappoint us... make wad we haf done worth it... and spread the msg to other sec3s batch hu dun cum online and read blogs one hor... tell dem to act like 15!!! stop acting like 13!!! no offence

to the junior of sec3s...egsec2and sec1??? dun try to copy the sec3s... u will forever oli learn the bad tings of them and nv learn the good... haha... no offence... ur learn their stupid shoutings but nv learn and realise the fact tat dey are serious at the rite time... DEY DUN PLAY ALL THE TIME!!! hahaha

~*the line between us is not clear*~

~*but it sure is one colourful line*~

.::wwad title should i put?::.

~*i dun realli know wad i m tinking now*~

~*do i still wan her as a friend?*~

u know... i sort of have no choice... the more i read her blog... the more upset i feel... dun realli know y... but sumting jux stirred up... she jux dunno how to appreciate wadx in her life tat make her life so beautiful and not as ugly as she tout it is....

tings r not appropriate to say... but sumhow i jux tout tat she... **dunno wad to say**

mayb ur tout tat i hang out too much wif tat hu... den got influenced... but i can tell u tats not realli the truth... partially mayb... but it jux add on and u know the feeling whereby i found sumone hu undstd wad i m tinking...

mayb i m the happy-go-lucky type... i heck care omost everyting in my life wich includes my o lvl... except mayb dance and my dog... mayb tatx the reason y i can no longer stand her... i used to dun really wan to tok to her and another gal... cox i dunno how to help dem.. i m forever at a lost wif regards to consoling sumone... i dun realli like to hang out wif the two in the past... cox i m tireed of trying to cheer dem up... i forgot h0w i became friends wif them... wen we seems to be from two diff world... in their world everyting is bad bad bad and bad... but inm,ine... everyting jux heck care heck care and heck care... **mayb tatx the reason y i cant realli stand her and get upset when i read her blog**

wad shd i say? mayb i should oso heck care... as usual... aniway... tatx wad i m doing now...

~*i realli wish to wake her up...*~

~*i realli wish to rescue her from her dark side of her world..*~

~*to tat bright side wic she didnt choose to appreciate*~

.::slacking::.

~*should i juz waste my time away?*~

~*or should i study?*~

hee... i m slacking here lahx... no school... no study... nuting... my mother dun seem bothered by it... wad can she do even if she is... i wun go acjc...hee... bad mi...

i wan to find a job... so ani job... plx contact mi.... until march holidays... haha.,.. i dun realli tink i will get one... but i will jux get one for my mama to c... in case she damn bu shuang...

i tink i will get scoldings again dis month... my mama is going to cancel my fone i tink... exceed by tons... die die le... but i realli cant help it... ***excuses and excuses and excuses**** haha.. wadever

yaya.... ytd quarrelled wif jeremy... hee... misundstanding or i pms? haha... i dunno lahx... i tink i pms.,.. but i realli heard him implying sumting tat pissed mi off... wadever... tings end le lahx... so dun tok abt it les... haha...

.::RESULT::.

~*the last time i put on my uniform...*~

~*i tink*~

got back my result today... haha... not veri bad but not veri good... why cant u get one mark less? my mama asked... hehe... go ask cambridge... haha

11 is not bad lahx.,.. but not veri good in 402... alot ppl got single digit...

ok... for my case now huh... i intend to slack till after march holidays... tat means dun go sch... quit AC lahx...

AC is not a bad sch... but in my case... iz bad for my future... to mi... ac is a sch whereby u can pon veri ezily... so if i go there... i everyay will haf poning touts... so better nox...

and i tink SA quite cool.... hehe... i tink i will go dere... if i m not wrong... i got bus to go from cck to sa... so y nox?

aniway... i m so into knitting dese days... mayb ur will c mi going around wif wools and needlees... haha

.::cH|nGaY rOx::.

if ani ppl happened to see my blog accidentally, pls go and enjoy urself on the last day of chingay... iz starting at bukit gombak stadium at 6.30, ending at taman jurong... haha...

~*iz not the performance*~

~*iz the company before and after*~

okies chingay was damn fun... although iz so long ago le... but iz super fun... aniway... mi and jialing *not nhss one* went on the 27th parade... haha... veri fun... but veri hot ah... the float damn warm.... the pei jia nu costume make tings worse... veri chio rite? but iz bad... we sat in the float and sort of smile all the way... smilling all the way is really ok but when u haf tat heavy head set on top of ur head.... iz a torture to ur jaw muscle... hah... we cant even make out a grin when the parade finally end... but aniway... hahh iz fun!!!

we are going again dis cuming sat... haha... from bukit gombak stadium 6.30 to taman jurong...

the performance outside JP was bad... and according to zhongyi, iz not a failure and not a sucess... haha... we learned sumting... but the performance SUX!!! haha... i dun really care... as i had said... iz the company tat counts...

~*Once A Nan Hua Dancer*~

~*Forever A Nan Hua Dancer*~