~*what a new year it will be*~
haha...there will be so so many outing la... oh my god they rocks... all those super cold and super jokes... laughing at something that you dont know what it is about... the green key chain on my handphone, the yuzi eating... they rock... all the shouting of ji he... haha... what a big joke...
ok...today went chinatown instead of chingay pract... bad me huh... i was suppose to go get something for my mama... so whatever... i woke up darn early and i am now super tired...
do your know something? jieyim, the girl typing this paragrapgh here is super extreme... she bad mouthed someone today... i think she is doing that everyday... omg... but i still think she rock...
do you know that that sounded so Si Aun-ish? haha... whatever
anyway... i realised that me and si aun got some stupid things in common... tying our tie the CORRECT way, which is not the same side as those who tie the wrong way...
haha... back to topic...
i saw this nice and cute bag... at chinatown... it is a zinc bag.. shape of a person... but so sad the bag is carried on one side... it will be so xin cu...
haha...we seat infront of a shop and start to eat pomelo... i think they rocks and i think i spelt wrongly...
oh ya... i was bad mouthing YYOU at someone's house today... although i was warned or hinted to stop today, i still did it... haha... not just me alone... someone else too... blame it on yyourself for having so many enermy...
oh ya... heard some shocking things today... i thought they never thought that way... but apparently they did... they are just thinking what i am thinking... how shocked i can be...
ok... what should i wear on cu 1? what should i wear on cu 2? and what should i wear to mr low house? hmm...
jeans? skirt? halter? two-in-one? sleeveless?
aiyo... so mahfan...
oh ya... by the way... just as what i had expected... YOUU disappeared...
i am just so used to it... so be it...
haha... anything, although everthing is still the same big thing...
yyou suck... do yyou know that i managed to get that shocked expression from people? let them know what kind of person yyou actually is... omg... do yyou know how shocked they are?
sorry... i know i coward for not mentioning names... but i am just trying to protect some people here and also not fan lian... cause i never know when i will need his or her help...
and... i just think that yyou deserve these... so sad...
sadist jieyim... haha...
HAPPY NEW YEAR...!!!
good nite... i am super duper tired...
C=
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
.::haha::.
~*what a wrong title if your know*~
~*but anyway*~
~*HAPPY NEW YEAR*~
what a time... what a day... i just wonder sometimes...just how to tell someone that he is wrong somewhere when you know he would never listen?
i think i am starting to pity those around themm... i think i played a part to how things turn out now...
did i say that someone earned my respect, got a weird temper this person but definitely a good friend, a good listener and a good leader...
at least he tried to help... what about yyou? yyou never do anything except nag... haha... anyway... that person please be honoured that you know who yyou is...
i know i sounded bad, but when i told someone about the incident, she just tell me to tell the others... so i just did... and i think i sound as though i am doing the same old things again... trying to make people dont like someone... but anyway... who asked her to piss me off?
ok... i manage to get what that friend of mine predicted... dont get mixed up... this friend here is not the one that i said who earned my respect...
haha...in a mess...but i just made them realised that yyou are just not as good as they think yyou are... so sad... yyou will have to face it one day...
i am feeling guilty for what i did that day... i mean would you rather sit there and watch themm die? i know you will cause yyou only know how to nag... omg...
and please... i am not the only one doing what yyou dont like... why am i the one that got shooted? simply because i used to be not as good as yyou are? i dare say i am better now... what have yyou been dong these years? where were yyou? can yyou handle them? i dont think so... as if they give yyou a damn... so shut the f*ck up if yyou are hardly there to help...
ok... just because i am not himm, that does not mean that yyou have to bu shuang me or even bu shaung themm or bu shuang the way we are doing things... do yyou think himm is just that great? i am afraid yyou are wrong... who is the one who put yyou down? himm...
ok... fine... what is the point of stating everything and all the names out? like de... people... sorry, just read on as though you are reading a story...a story that has me, yyou, himm, youu, themm, the person i respect and my friends who told me about it and the one who told me to tell themm...
complicated? i shall come up with something nicer for my characters... and if i ever tell you that you are one of the few characters in my blog... you should be honored... maybe not yyou... continue bomb-ba-ing ba...
haha... caught the joke my friend?
haha... yea... i feel like a coward here... but i just dont want to spoil relationship... and no one will ever spoil it for me... for those who know... cause she is still useful to me... even the person that you hate the most will be of use to you one day. so dont fan lian with them...
rock on... yyou... just fuck off... C=
oh ya... yyou will sooner or later... power hungry yyou...
all yyou know is nag... did yyou ever try to help? yes yyou... did yyou?
~*but anyway*~
~*HAPPY NEW YEAR*~
what a time... what a day... i just wonder sometimes...just how to tell someone that he is wrong somewhere when you know he would never listen?
i think i am starting to pity those around themm... i think i played a part to how things turn out now...
did i say that someone earned my respect, got a weird temper this person but definitely a good friend, a good listener and a good leader...
at least he tried to help... what about yyou? yyou never do anything except nag... haha... anyway... that person please be honoured that you know who yyou is...
i know i sounded bad, but when i told someone about the incident, she just tell me to tell the others... so i just did... and i think i sound as though i am doing the same old things again... trying to make people dont like someone... but anyway... who asked her to piss me off?
ok... i manage to get what that friend of mine predicted... dont get mixed up... this friend here is not the one that i said who earned my respect...
haha...in a mess...but i just made them realised that yyou are just not as good as they think yyou are... so sad... yyou will have to face it one day...
i am feeling guilty for what i did that day... i mean would you rather sit there and watch themm die? i know you will cause yyou only know how to nag... omg...
and please... i am not the only one doing what yyou dont like... why am i the one that got shooted? simply because i used to be not as good as yyou are? i dare say i am better now... what have yyou been dong these years? where were yyou? can yyou handle them? i dont think so... as if they give yyou a damn... so shut the f*ck up if yyou are hardly there to help...
ok... just because i am not himm, that does not mean that yyou have to bu shuang me or even bu shaung themm or bu shuang the way we are doing things... do yyou think himm is just that great? i am afraid yyou are wrong... who is the one who put yyou down? himm...
ok... fine... what is the point of stating everything and all the names out? like de... people... sorry, just read on as though you are reading a story...a story that has me, yyou, himm, youu, themm, the person i respect and my friends who told me about it and the one who told me to tell themm...
complicated? i shall come up with something nicer for my characters... and if i ever tell you that you are one of the few characters in my blog... you should be honored... maybe not yyou... continue bomb-ba-ing ba...
haha... caught the joke my friend?
haha... yea... i feel like a coward here... but i just dont want to spoil relationship... and no one will ever spoil it for me... for those who know... cause she is still useful to me... even the person that you hate the most will be of use to you one day. so dont fan lian with them...
rock on... yyou... just fuck off... C=
oh ya... yyou will sooner or later... power hungry yyou...
all yyou know is nag... did yyou ever try to help? yes yyou... did yyou?
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
.::i really am ok::.
~*i am ok le*~
~*and i am sure*~
~*cause i know what to do*~
~*and i know who to turn to*~
~*thank you*~
ok...now move on to this person who makes my blood boils... why? because she cant even think... because she dont even know... because she dont even bother to find out... because she didnt even bother to help... because she is power hungry... because she is accusing me... and because she sucks...
omg... are those enough to make me dont like her?
haha...the evil girl here no longer hate anyone...cause it is just so tiring to hate someone... i will only bu shuang people...provided that they bu shuang me first or they stepped on my tail when i think i did nothing wrong... C= and i have this evil theory that i would not turn things ugly between me and anyone cause you never know when your will need to work together, or in worse terms, you never know when you will need his or her help... it is survivor techniques...
anyway...back to that person... yyou think yyou so great ah? did yyou have any idea that what you think i am doing now are also things that yyou used to do? for only once, and yyou made that stupid conclusion... do yyou even know that i am changing? SHUT THE FUCK up if you dont know... dont assume...
bu shuang, tell me straight in the face... dont hint hint huh... although i managed to get the hint this time round... clever me...
yup...i am actually angry...angry that you make that stupid comment... dont think that i dont know what you are thinking... dont think that i dont know the reasons for every secret questions that yyou asked me... did i just said that i was clever? hmmm...it is my choice whether i want to broadcast it...and in this case, maybe i should consult some people... haha... people who wouldnt... cause i think telling more people also no use... wnat to make them bu shuang yyou is something easy...just whether i want to do it or not...
i just realise that we are always faking each others... haha...what a great big joke... but i like to fake...so what can you do?
oh...i did what i promised... i didnt mention names... haha...
i think if that person is reading my blog, she also dont know that i am talking about her... like...she is not that clever... she only know how to use her knowledge on guys... how to attract them...
did i ever tell your that she is just TWO different people in front and guys and girls? she is just so sweet and kind in front of guys but not when she is with girls... she is just one big evil bitch when she is with girls... she dont show it out but can tell that to her, guys are more important than girls... oh well what ever...
i decide to stop using my PCS to photocopy...i shall do it at lot one tomorrow... so waste paper la... i pity my paper...not my ink...haha... cheap ink...
anyway... back to topic... haha
she is the one doing all those stuff in the past... yups... i got all the idea that yyou tried to tell me... i know all that... i think the people that i hang out with are greater thinker and greater leader than yyou are... so dont act as though yyou are still the great thinker and great leader... cause yyou never was... and dont think that the JIEYIM here is still that quiet little girl who always listen to yyou... cause i am that no more... cause yyou no longer earn my respect...
we are just on TWO different sides... the person that yyou not like is the person that i respect and the person who i think is a much better leader and thinker than yyou are...
and did i say before that i never like people who do things for a purpose... it is ok to be back for a purpose... as in yyou are not the only one... but please dont give the lame reason that yyour mama dont allow...cause i know that that is never the case...it is always yyour choice... so stop giving me lame excuses...
haha... so sian... i shall go and talk about it to the person that i respect but she dont like... haha...
whatever... i very sian now... not going school tomorrow...bad me? haha... skipping cross country...hehe...
~*shut up if yyou never try to help*~
~*just fuck off*~
~*oops...maybe i should be less vulgar?*~
~*haha...nope...she deserve it!*~
~* C= *~
~*and i am sure*~
~*cause i know what to do*~
~*and i know who to turn to*~
~*thank you*~
ok...now move on to this person who makes my blood boils... why? because she cant even think... because she dont even know... because she dont even bother to find out... because she didnt even bother to help... because she is power hungry... because she is accusing me... and because she sucks...
omg... are those enough to make me dont like her?
haha...the evil girl here no longer hate anyone...cause it is just so tiring to hate someone... i will only bu shuang people...provided that they bu shuang me first or they stepped on my tail when i think i did nothing wrong... C= and i have this evil theory that i would not turn things ugly between me and anyone cause you never know when your will need to work together, or in worse terms, you never know when you will need his or her help... it is survivor techniques...
anyway...back to that person... yyou think yyou so great ah? did yyou have any idea that what you think i am doing now are also things that yyou used to do? for only once, and yyou made that stupid conclusion... do yyou even know that i am changing? SHUT THE FUCK up if you dont know... dont assume...
bu shuang, tell me straight in the face... dont hint hint huh... although i managed to get the hint this time round... clever me...
yup...i am actually angry...angry that you make that stupid comment... dont think that i dont know what you are thinking... dont think that i dont know the reasons for every secret questions that yyou asked me... did i just said that i was clever? hmmm...it is my choice whether i want to broadcast it...and in this case, maybe i should consult some people... haha... people who wouldnt... cause i think telling more people also no use... wnat to make them bu shuang yyou is something easy...just whether i want to do it or not...
i just realise that we are always faking each others... haha...what a great big joke... but i like to fake...so what can you do?
oh...i did what i promised... i didnt mention names... haha...
i think if that person is reading my blog, she also dont know that i am talking about her... like...she is not that clever... she only know how to use her knowledge on guys... how to attract them...
did i ever tell your that she is just TWO different people in front and guys and girls? she is just so sweet and kind in front of guys but not when she is with girls... she is just one big evil bitch when she is with girls... she dont show it out but can tell that to her, guys are more important than girls... oh well what ever...
i decide to stop using my PCS to photocopy...i shall do it at lot one tomorrow... so waste paper la... i pity my paper...not my ink...haha... cheap ink...
anyway... back to topic... haha
she is the one doing all those stuff in the past... yups... i got all the idea that yyou tried to tell me... i know all that... i think the people that i hang out with are greater thinker and greater leader than yyou are... so dont act as though yyou are still the great thinker and great leader... cause yyou never was... and dont think that the JIEYIM here is still that quiet little girl who always listen to yyou... cause i am that no more... cause yyou no longer earn my respect...
we are just on TWO different sides... the person that yyou not like is the person that i respect and the person who i think is a much better leader and thinker than yyou are...
and did i say before that i never like people who do things for a purpose... it is ok to be back for a purpose... as in yyou are not the only one... but please dont give the lame reason that yyour mama dont allow...cause i know that that is never the case...it is always yyour choice... so stop giving me lame excuses...
haha... so sian... i shall go and talk about it to the person that i respect but she dont like... haha...
whatever... i very sian now... not going school tomorrow...bad me? haha... skipping cross country...hehe...
~*shut up if yyou never try to help*~
~*just fuck off*~
~*oops...maybe i should be less vulgar?*~
~*haha...nope...she deserve it!*~
~* C= *~
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
.::i thought i was out of it::.
~*i thought i was out of it*~
~*but apparently i am not*~
know what i feel like doing now? i feel like shouting at those people to ask them to fuck off... what they think they doing? where and when did i ever step on their tail...
on moment ask me to dont care what they think the next moment telling me otherwise...
i knew i was wrong... i knew people would not like it that way... but can your just look at the situation?
FUCK OFF... I am tired...
i thought i was out of it, but apparently i am not...
what a bad feeling that canbe... i think i will be ok tomorrow...
i hope i will be ok tomorrow...
did i ever tell you that i hated people who only know how to complain but dont know how to help?
yyou fuck off too... yyou are not fit to be here...
or maybe i should be the one? that is what i am planning...
sad case ah... jieyim
~*but apparently i am not*~
know what i feel like doing now? i feel like shouting at those people to ask them to fuck off... what they think they doing? where and when did i ever step on their tail...
on moment ask me to dont care what they think the next moment telling me otherwise...
i knew i was wrong... i knew people would not like it that way... but can your just look at the situation?
FUCK OFF... I am tired...
i thought i was out of it, but apparently i am not...
what a bad feeling that canbe... i think i will be ok tomorrow...
i hope i will be ok tomorrow...
did i ever tell you that i hated people who only know how to complain but dont know how to help?
yyou fuck off too... yyou are not fit to be here...
or maybe i should be the one? that is what i am planning...
sad case ah... jieyim
Friday, January 20, 2006
.::i am bored::.
~*i feel so bored now*~
~*that is one reason why i am blogging now*~
~*youu are the other one*~
but...haha...ironic... do youu even know? i keep having the urge to just write things down... but...haix... i am writing in my dairy...not here...so dont think of peeking or trying to find out who youu are... haha
ok...happy days... like i finally get to cut my hair!!! one great thing that happened to me today... alot of good things happened today anyway...
but i can say that i am broke...haha... whatever... a thousands apologies to those whom i owe money...
anyway... i think i am quite wrong at times... like i shout very loud...haha... i saw that expression but i thought that your should be used to it le?
anyway... i hope that youu are reading this entry...but i know youu are not... haha...
life is just like that... hardly anyone knows what one is thinking...and the rest who dont, just dont eem to give it a damn...
i am happy now... at least like NOW... i dont know how long that will last... i am being super positive... i have never been so positive... i am shocked that i am so positive... never ever so positive in life lor... but it do makes me happy...
but i understand that the higher you climb, the harder you fall... just like the more hope you have, the more the disappointment... i know that... i dont know whether i will be super negative in time to come not...
but from what i see now... i think it is still ok to be positive... so whatever... let it be...
come and go as and when youu like... hope youu realised the different in tone.. but i doubt youu did... so whatever... i dont care much... i am just used to it... duh... haha...oops... i should be angry... haha
i saw something on the tv today... will perserverence win the game? game as in any game... maybe anyone who watched the same show as me will have notice that sentence...
personally i dont know... like i said in the previous entry... though i think i believe in what is meant to be will be, i am still doing things in the other way... hard work will win anything...
see... here... i think that perserverence will win the game... but whatever...
i just realised something...
looking at it will never help... cause itjust wouldnt move... no reaction even if i pour hydrochloric acid on it... maybe there will be reaction if i heat it with fire... but... i am hoping for something... but i know there would not be anything for the time being... it will only move when the PGA requires the ATP and NADPH to turn it into PGAL, to prevent it being stuck at PGA...
anyway... those foreign words are not some initials of someone but just some biology terms that i learned today... pro me putting them into use... i am the combination of ATP and NADPH... what a good PGA youu are...
haha... are you lost? if you are... sorry... thanks for reading this stupid entry that is being put up for the sake of letting out what i am feeling... i am going to copy lyrics later... haha
but my eyes are closing... oh no...
haha
did i tell you to aun-joy your CNY? i got the idea of AUN-JOY from aun blog... clever me...
please praise me by clicking on that advertisement on the top left hand corner... haha
hugs also... the numbers looks nice...and did i mention that those hugs helped me out of depression? the number brought me on...
i am glad that i am out of depression state...
jyim rocks... haha...
~*when will youu realise?*~
~*thank you or sorry dont help*~
~*that is not what i want*~
~*youu know?*~
~*dont feel bad*~
~*cause it wouldn't help*~
~*hope youu are happy*~
~* C= *~
~*that is one reason why i am blogging now*~
~*youu are the other one*~
but...haha...ironic... do youu even know? i keep having the urge to just write things down... but...haix... i am writing in my dairy...not here...so dont think of peeking or trying to find out who youu are... haha
ok...happy days... like i finally get to cut my hair!!! one great thing that happened to me today... alot of good things happened today anyway...
but i can say that i am broke...haha... whatever... a thousands apologies to those whom i owe money...
anyway... i think i am quite wrong at times... like i shout very loud...haha... i saw that expression but i thought that your should be used to it le?
anyway... i hope that youu are reading this entry...but i know youu are not... haha...
life is just like that... hardly anyone knows what one is thinking...and the rest who dont, just dont eem to give it a damn...
i am happy now... at least like NOW... i dont know how long that will last... i am being super positive... i have never been so positive... i am shocked that i am so positive... never ever so positive in life lor... but it do makes me happy...
but i understand that the higher you climb, the harder you fall... just like the more hope you have, the more the disappointment... i know that... i dont know whether i will be super negative in time to come not...
but from what i see now... i think it is still ok to be positive... so whatever... let it be...
come and go as and when youu like... hope youu realised the different in tone.. but i doubt youu did... so whatever... i dont care much... i am just used to it... duh... haha...oops... i should be angry... haha
i saw something on the tv today... will perserverence win the game? game as in any game... maybe anyone who watched the same show as me will have notice that sentence...
personally i dont know... like i said in the previous entry... though i think i believe in what is meant to be will be, i am still doing things in the other way... hard work will win anything...
see... here... i think that perserverence will win the game... but whatever...
i just realised something...
looking at it will never help... cause itjust wouldnt move... no reaction even if i pour hydrochloric acid on it... maybe there will be reaction if i heat it with fire... but... i am hoping for something... but i know there would not be anything for the time being... it will only move when the PGA requires the ATP and NADPH to turn it into PGAL, to prevent it being stuck at PGA...
anyway... those foreign words are not some initials of someone but just some biology terms that i learned today... pro me putting them into use... i am the combination of ATP and NADPH... what a good PGA youu are...
haha... are you lost? if you are... sorry... thanks for reading this stupid entry that is being put up for the sake of letting out what i am feeling... i am going to copy lyrics later... haha
but my eyes are closing... oh no...
haha
did i tell you to aun-joy your CNY? i got the idea of AUN-JOY from aun blog... clever me...
please praise me by clicking on that advertisement on the top left hand corner... haha
hugs also... the numbers looks nice...and did i mention that those hugs helped me out of depression? the number brought me on...
i am glad that i am out of depression state...
jyim rocks... haha...
~*when will youu realise?*~
~*thank you or sorry dont help*~
~*that is not what i want*~
~*youu know?*~
~*dont feel bad*~
~*cause it wouldn't help*~
~*hope youu are happy*~
~* C= *~
.::convinced::.
~*i am just convinced*~
~*one way or other*~
all the changes in lif e recently...i cant help but agreeing that alot of changes had happened to my thinking...though there are still somethings that i am still persistent about...
i realise that i am able to think more now... able to be more calm... and that i am just so used to things now that i dont really care whether they are going the way i want them to be... cause i know that i life still have to move on right?
ok...that sounded so cool and good and everything nice... but seriously i dont know when i will regret that i actually said these things in the first place...
one is i think i learned how to sit and watch...like no point trying to find out what will happen next... what meant to happen will just happen...
another one is... i am still learning... although i am used to it... but i still trying to learn something that my civics teacher said today...
'class... do your believe in [1]love will come and find you? as in what is meant to be will be, andwhat is not meant
to be, will never be...or do you believe in [2] love can be earned through hard work and determination?'
guessed what was my answer?
it is a shocking NUMBER ONE!!!
oh well although i dont seem to be doing what i believe in... as in i cant believe in second one...cause i never do that before or should i say i never see results before?
so what else? i can only believe in number one
and trust me and i swear... i am trying to change my doings to suit my believe... cause i think that i will only be happier if i believe and do things in the first way...
oh well... how does this got to link with getting used to losing youu? haha i dont know... maybe it is just that same thing...
things are just so... dont know how to say... i will never allow myself to lose a friendship without knowing why... so dont blame me if i am persistent in trying to find out what is wrong... cause i dont think it is worth it to lose a friend without knowing why...
have your ever tried a friend coming to you only when he need your help? i tried that alot of times...but i am still accepting it... cause i am just so used to it le... like what can i do? at least i will be happier this way...
anyway... did i ever tell your that GATTACA is a super duper nice movie? what a nice movie about what the society maybelike in the future... the valids and the invalids.. living life in different classes... having discrimination by the classifying of your genetic composition... like how long you will live and how much tendency you will have suffering from a certain disease...
nice show... go and get it...
GATTACA
and did i mention that i think i sounded like koonhui when i am typing that above paragraphs? like that is what koonhui usually does... haha... no offence...
anyway... thancks for waking up that asleep dragon that is always there... making me admit to that only question that youu asked... and thanks alot for making me start to think again... i am convinced that what i feared is true... i am just convinced... anyway... thanks alot for showing me that youu cared when i hope and thought that youu wouldn't... and thanks for not doing anything when i am hoping that youu will... what a great help that can be... but anyway... i am just convinced but yet there is no more unhappiness... cause i am just so used to it le...
~*cheerios*~
~*thanks for waking up that dragon*~
~*thanks for doing the wrong things at the wrong time*~
~*one way or other*~
all the changes in lif e recently...i cant help but agreeing that alot of changes had happened to my thinking...though there are still somethings that i am still persistent about...
i realise that i am able to think more now... able to be more calm... and that i am just so used to things now that i dont really care whether they are going the way i want them to be... cause i know that i life still have to move on right?
ok...that sounded so cool and good and everything nice... but seriously i dont know when i will regret that i actually said these things in the first place...
one is i think i learned how to sit and watch...like no point trying to find out what will happen next... what meant to happen will just happen...
another one is... i am still learning... although i am used to it... but i still trying to learn something that my civics teacher said today...
'class... do your believe in [1]love will come and find you? as in what is meant to be will be, andwhat is not meant
to be, will never be...or do you believe in [2] love can be earned through hard work and determination?'
guessed what was my answer?
it is a shocking NUMBER ONE!!!
oh well although i dont seem to be doing what i believe in... as in i cant believe in second one...cause i never do that before or should i say i never see results before?
so what else? i can only believe in number one
and trust me and i swear... i am trying to change my doings to suit my believe... cause i think that i will only be happier if i believe and do things in the first way...
oh well... how does this got to link with getting used to losing youu? haha i dont know... maybe it is just that same thing...
things are just so... dont know how to say... i will never allow myself to lose a friendship without knowing why... so dont blame me if i am persistent in trying to find out what is wrong... cause i dont think it is worth it to lose a friend without knowing why...
have your ever tried a friend coming to you only when he need your help? i tried that alot of times...but i am still accepting it... cause i am just so used to it le... like what can i do? at least i will be happier this way...
anyway... did i ever tell your that GATTACA is a super duper nice movie? what a nice movie about what the society maybelike in the future... the valids and the invalids.. living life in different classes... having discrimination by the classifying of your genetic composition... like how long you will live and how much tendency you will have suffering from a certain disease...
nice show... go and get it...
GATTACA
and did i mention that i think i sounded like koonhui when i am typing that above paragraphs? like that is what koonhui usually does... haha... no offence...
anyway... thancks for waking up that asleep dragon that is always there... making me admit to that only question that youu asked... and thanks alot for making me start to think again... i am convinced that what i feared is true... i am just convinced... anyway... thanks alot for showing me that youu cared when i hope and thought that youu wouldn't... and thanks for not doing anything when i am hoping that youu will... what a great help that can be... but anyway... i am just convinced but yet there is no more unhappiness... cause i am just so used to it le...
~*cheerios*~
~*thanks for waking up that dragon*~
~*thanks for doing the wrong things at the wrong time*~
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
.::losing youu is nothing::.
~*i am just so used to it*~
~*that i dont even dare to dream of having youu*~
~*i am just so used to losing youu*~
youu came in and out of my life as and when you like... but i know that things are just different this time round... i am no longer that afraid... no longer that afraid of losing youu... cause like i said... i am just so used to it...
i never blame anyone for the way things are now... it is all fated to be the way it is now...
i know youu are different... there are just so many times that i tried to hide but still i know i failed... like before... cause youu showed me that youu cared whenever i thought youu would not...
for every changes that youu made, i know there must be a reason... though youu denied... but my six sense just tell me that... things are not the way youu said they are...
all the things that my tarots told me... seems to be opposite in reality... for the bad one, it is actually quite good now... as for this good thing here, it is not good at all...
consult my tarots today... and it said something that i have always been afraid of... something that no matter how much i hope will not happen, it still happen...
giving hope and leaving again... i am just used to the way things are le...
anyway... i can say that i would not be sad this time round... although i had much hope but i know i would not be sad...
believe me...i am not sad now... i am just amazed by the fact that i can actually handle my emotions so well this time round... no longer as sad as i used to be... amazed... not that the feelings are different... just that i have expected things to turn out like they usually do...
smply... i am used to it...
so... if youu think i am talking about youu, haha... then good for youu... cause i think i am not talking about youu...
this sounds lame... haha
my computer is super laggy now la...
haha...whatever... i think youu know...
~* C= *~
~*that i dont even dare to dream of having youu*~
~*i am just so used to losing youu*~
youu came in and out of my life as and when you like... but i know that things are just different this time round... i am no longer that afraid... no longer that afraid of losing youu... cause like i said... i am just so used to it...
i never blame anyone for the way things are now... it is all fated to be the way it is now...
i know youu are different... there are just so many times that i tried to hide but still i know i failed... like before... cause youu showed me that youu cared whenever i thought youu would not...
for every changes that youu made, i know there must be a reason... though youu denied... but my six sense just tell me that... things are not the way youu said they are...
all the things that my tarots told me... seems to be opposite in reality... for the bad one, it is actually quite good now... as for this good thing here, it is not good at all...
consult my tarots today... and it said something that i have always been afraid of... something that no matter how much i hope will not happen, it still happen...
giving hope and leaving again... i am just used to the way things are le...
anyway... i can say that i would not be sad this time round... although i had much hope but i know i would not be sad...
believe me...i am not sad now... i am just amazed by the fact that i can actually handle my emotions so well this time round... no longer as sad as i used to be... amazed... not that the feelings are different... just that i have expected things to turn out like they usually do...
smply... i am used to it...
so... if youu think i am talking about youu, haha... then good for youu... cause i think i am not talking about youu...
this sounds lame... haha
my computer is super laggy now la...
haha...whatever... i think youu know...
~* C= *~
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
.::happy::.
~*this shall be a happier entry*~
~*since things seem to be falling into place*~
haha...ok... things seem to be falling into place... at least i think things are now getting a place each though it may not be the right place, but at least they have a place... i feel so super lame...haha...
anyway...it is better to be lame than sad right?
anyway... i just seriously hope that things are ok...just seriously hope that i am being paranoid this time round... cause i can still sense something not right...
anyway... if you happen to read this entry, which is rather unlikely, i meant what i said...
anyway... the advertisement at the top right hand corner of this page dont seem to be getting me much money... haha... people... please get the habit to click it for me? you can get to know somethings through those advertisement also...haha...
new year is getting nearer... i am trying to slim down for my clothes.. but i scare later end up the skirt too loose...
it is already very bi and loose le...cause i bought a bigger in size one,fearing that i will gain weight...instead i lose weight...well nevermind...haha...
well...i am using my tarots cards regularly again recently...need to forge the bonds... haha.. believe me... but there are somethings that my tarots told me and i dont knwo to believe or not... some good and some bad things...
haix... just hope that the bad is not true while the good one is true...haha
thank you all for listening... and daryl... please... i told you about my problems le ah... haha... why you sounded as though i didnt want to share with you... i know you busy so i also dont dare to bother you much...
thank you weihong... you listened and helped and i think you really really helped alot... you said things that i used to be afraid of...scare that after they graduate, everything now will be nothing... although i know they dont seem to care... maybe the time is still not there yet so they have not realise...
but looking at what had happened recently, i choose to believe that what i fear will just come through...
anyway... i have a very naggy sister...she will just come home and nag to us about what happened in her new secondary school...
oh...by the way... i know it is not right to promote something from nan yang girls but my sister is from NPCC which have absolutely nothing against us...so i was thinking... anyone interested in having cai qing for their home or shop or office? 100 for 1 lion, 188 for 2. 288 for one DRAGON...
haha
please come to me for more details...haha
anyway... there are just somethings in life that i no longer dare to place much hopes... i am afraid of disappointment... cause i know what i wish for is just so hard to come true... although i want to believe what my tarots told me... but somehow i know i cant...
CHINGAY... KALLANG THEATRE PERFORMANCE... MALAYSIA... I AM COMING!!!
~*letting it go*~
~*it is better to not hope much*~
~*dance away*~
~*will you dance with me?*~
~*since things seem to be falling into place*~
haha...ok... things seem to be falling into place... at least i think things are now getting a place each though it may not be the right place, but at least they have a place... i feel so super lame...haha...
anyway...it is better to be lame than sad right?
anyway... i just seriously hope that things are ok...just seriously hope that i am being paranoid this time round... cause i can still sense something not right...
anyway... if you happen to read this entry, which is rather unlikely, i meant what i said...
anyway... the advertisement at the top right hand corner of this page dont seem to be getting me much money... haha... people... please get the habit to click it for me? you can get to know somethings through those advertisement also...haha...
new year is getting nearer... i am trying to slim down for my clothes.. but i scare later end up the skirt too loose...
it is already very bi and loose le...cause i bought a bigger in size one,fearing that i will gain weight...instead i lose weight...well nevermind...haha...
well...i am using my tarots cards regularly again recently...need to forge the bonds... haha.. believe me... but there are somethings that my tarots told me and i dont knwo to believe or not... some good and some bad things...
haix... just hope that the bad is not true while the good one is true...haha
thank you all for listening... and daryl... please... i told you about my problems le ah... haha... why you sounded as though i didnt want to share with you... i know you busy so i also dont dare to bother you much...
thank you weihong... you listened and helped and i think you really really helped alot... you said things that i used to be afraid of...scare that after they graduate, everything now will be nothing... although i know they dont seem to care... maybe the time is still not there yet so they have not realise...
but looking at what had happened recently, i choose to believe that what i fear will just come through...
anyway... i have a very naggy sister...she will just come home and nag to us about what happened in her new secondary school...
oh...by the way... i know it is not right to promote something from nan yang girls but my sister is from NPCC which have absolutely nothing against us...so i was thinking... anyone interested in having cai qing for their home or shop or office? 100 for 1 lion, 188 for 2. 288 for one DRAGON...
haha
please come to me for more details...haha
anyway... there are just somethings in life that i no longer dare to place much hopes... i am afraid of disappointment... cause i know what i wish for is just so hard to come true... although i want to believe what my tarots told me... but somehow i know i cant...
CHINGAY... KALLANG THEATRE PERFORMANCE... MALAYSIA... I AM COMING!!!
~*letting it go*~
~*it is better to not hope much*~
~*dance away*~
~*will you dance with me?*~
Monday, January 16, 2006
.::tired::.
~*ok...i hope things are ok le*~
~*i suppose they are*~
haix... now only feeling tired and can feel all the suan feeling coming up le... can predict how suan my legs will be tomorrow...
and...haix... i think things are ok le... as in i suppose that things are ok...
please people...if there is anything that your not happy or bu shuang about me, please tell me directly... i want to change to be a better person...
cause i just cannot imagine the day when all my friends left me le then start to realise that something is wrong with me...
and i never like changes... i never like people coming into and leaving my life...
so please if there is anything that is wrong about me, please tell me... directly...
although i know i am quite stubborn and sometimes i would not change... but please... at least i know...
it is not that i am emotionally stubborn or something, koon hui... just that i wanted to know why...that is why i am holding on to it so tightly... as in their group meant something to me... so i will hold on to it... like i say, i dont want to be sentenced to death without knowing why...
anyway...thank you to people who bothered to ask and who bothered to help and who bothered to listen...
and to you, if you realise, i am trying to change after kee lui told me about it...just that i didnt realise that it applies to you also...
~*hope the rainbow is out*~
~*i suppose they are*~
haix... now only feeling tired and can feel all the suan feeling coming up le... can predict how suan my legs will be tomorrow...
and...haix... i think things are ok le... as in i suppose that things are ok...
please people...if there is anything that your not happy or bu shuang about me, please tell me directly... i want to change to be a better person...
cause i just cannot imagine the day when all my friends left me le then start to realise that something is wrong with me...
and i never like changes... i never like people coming into and leaving my life...
so please if there is anything that is wrong about me, please tell me... directly...
although i know i am quite stubborn and sometimes i would not change... but please... at least i know...
it is not that i am emotionally stubborn or something, koon hui... just that i wanted to know why...that is why i am holding on to it so tightly... as in their group meant something to me... so i will hold on to it... like i say, i dont want to be sentenced to death without knowing why...
anyway...thank you to people who bothered to ask and who bothered to help and who bothered to listen...
and to you, if you realise, i am trying to change after kee lui told me about it...just that i didnt realise that it applies to you also...
~*hope the rainbow is out*~
Sunday, January 15, 2006
.::never imagine::.
~*never thought that he would be the first*~
~*i am still trying to believe it now*~
i am tired of blasting weihong with all my complains... i know he is also sick of them and i know he got his own problems...but come to think of it, who else can help me? why those who volunteered to help is never those who i hope for...
still, thanks for eveything...those who bothered to ask... those who bothered to ask why i seem so down, those wo bothered to ask why i am crying, those who bothered to ask if i am ok, those who bothered to ask whether i need help, and those who bothered to read this blog...
sometimes i am just thinking...i should have expected this outcome years ago... like one day, things will be like the way they are now?... but did i ever mention that i never thought that he would be the first one to hate me?
i know that one day friends will just leave you... everything in the world has to end someday, somehow, sometime, somewhere... but things that are happening now are not what i thought would have happen...
all the 'maybes' and all the 'ifs'... i am tired of them... i am starting to wonder where i belong... which group to hang out with...
the only one...it is gone... no longer that happy for me... cause someone in there will just be not happy about me hanging out with them... i saw that smile when i turn back to ask for direction... what is that suppose to mean?
i think i know... you would not even bad mouth me... you would not even let my name come out from your mouth anymore...
for goodness sake... i am not pessimisstic or paranoid... cause i just believe that things are really that bad now... say i paranoid and i make sure i explode in front of you...
i really dont know what to do next... i really dont know what i will do next... you never know how much you meant in others life... like i never know i meant so little to you... of all of your, why is it you that i was once closest to?
ya...go ahead and laugh if your want... if you still think i am kicking up a big fuss out of NOTHING... ya... there is really nothing... if only there was something, i dont think i will be that sad...
if you still think that this girl here is doing all this things, getting close to them just for power, go ahead and think that way... now that she failed in getting trust from them till they graduate, she is now trying to be close to another group cause they are going to get power soon... that has always been what your are thinking right? some of your out there...
ya...she is out to make the troupe political... that is why she formed a committee... ya... if that is what you think, then go ahead... she just changed so much... oh.. apologies... i mean she didnt change... she just failed to cover up things properly le... she is letting the cat out of the bag, letting people know that she is actually so very political that she wanted power so much... SEE? it suits her horoscope... she is a LEO... someone who wants or yearns for leadership... she should be a leader...
ya...some of your out there, happy that she is finally admitting all these?
your can now watch her fall...
do your know what i really wanted? i wanted a life without changes... i know that is never possible... can you at least promise me a friendship that will never change? although i never said friends forever to your but did your ever know that that is what i have always been hoping for? i thought your felt the same...but apparently i am wrong...
dont let me die without knowing how i die... that only reason last week was not enough... cant you see that i am all stressed up that day? i dont wish to use that as an excuse... even if i was not stressed, do you think what happened that day is enough to sentence me to death?
what have i achieve this holiday?
i manage to lose a friend... without even knowing why... do you know how that felt? how bad that felt?
~*when will the tears run dry?*~
~*let that day come soon*~
~*cause i dont want to cry anymore*~
~*i am still trying to believe it now*~
i am tired of blasting weihong with all my complains... i know he is also sick of them and i know he got his own problems...but come to think of it, who else can help me? why those who volunteered to help is never those who i hope for...
still, thanks for eveything...those who bothered to ask... those who bothered to ask why i seem so down, those wo bothered to ask why i am crying, those who bothered to ask if i am ok, those who bothered to ask whether i need help, and those who bothered to read this blog...
sometimes i am just thinking...i should have expected this outcome years ago... like one day, things will be like the way they are now?... but did i ever mention that i never thought that he would be the first one to hate me?
i know that one day friends will just leave you... everything in the world has to end someday, somehow, sometime, somewhere... but things that are happening now are not what i thought would have happen...
all the 'maybes' and all the 'ifs'... i am tired of them... i am starting to wonder where i belong... which group to hang out with...
the only one...it is gone... no longer that happy for me... cause someone in there will just be not happy about me hanging out with them... i saw that smile when i turn back to ask for direction... what is that suppose to mean?
i think i know... you would not even bad mouth me... you would not even let my name come out from your mouth anymore...
for goodness sake... i am not pessimisstic or paranoid... cause i just believe that things are really that bad now... say i paranoid and i make sure i explode in front of you...
i really dont know what to do next... i really dont know what i will do next... you never know how much you meant in others life... like i never know i meant so little to you... of all of your, why is it you that i was once closest to?
ya...go ahead and laugh if your want... if you still think i am kicking up a big fuss out of NOTHING... ya... there is really nothing... if only there was something, i dont think i will be that sad...
if you still think that this girl here is doing all this things, getting close to them just for power, go ahead and think that way... now that she failed in getting trust from them till they graduate, she is now trying to be close to another group cause they are going to get power soon... that has always been what your are thinking right? some of your out there...
ya...she is out to make the troupe political... that is why she formed a committee... ya... if that is what you think, then go ahead... she just changed so much... oh.. apologies... i mean she didnt change... she just failed to cover up things properly le... she is letting the cat out of the bag, letting people know that she is actually so very political that she wanted power so much... SEE? it suits her horoscope... she is a LEO... someone who wants or yearns for leadership... she should be a leader...
ya...some of your out there, happy that she is finally admitting all these?
your can now watch her fall...
do your know what i really wanted? i wanted a life without changes... i know that is never possible... can you at least promise me a friendship that will never change? although i never said friends forever to your but did your ever know that that is what i have always been hoping for? i thought your felt the same...but apparently i am wrong...
dont let me die without knowing how i die... that only reason last week was not enough... cant you see that i am all stressed up that day? i dont wish to use that as an excuse... even if i was not stressed, do you think what happened that day is enough to sentence me to death?
what have i achieve this holiday?
i manage to lose a friend... without even knowing why... do you know how that felt? how bad that felt?
~*when will the tears run dry?*~
~*let that day come soon*~
~*cause i dont want to cry anymore*~
Friday, January 13, 2006
.::you never know how bad it felt::.
~*do your know that telling me that i am just being paranoid dont help*~
~*but still thank you anyway*~
~*thanks for listening to my nagging*~
~*i dont know how much longer i can hold on*~
why the ones who tried to help are never the ones that i ever hope to be? ok... i am moving into depression stage again... how long have i not have that feeling?
i know i am a nuisance, always getting sad over things that your never thought were problems... but can your just accept the fact that i am stupid and that they appear as problem to me? can your just accept the fact that telling me that i am paranoid no longer help? can your just accept my point of view that something is just seriously wrong somewhere?
how to be thick skinned? i am trying to be... that is what i have been doing all these years if your realised... i never belong to your batch, never belong to your gang, never belong to your group... never if i never attempt to something when i was secondary3...
i know how many people will get furious after reading this entry... i know how many people will be laughing secretly about this great fall that i am experiencing now... and i know just how many people will just think that i am being paranoid again...
i feel like slapping myself... slapping myself, asking myself why i suddenly have the urge to be recognise? why suddenly i want them to know my existance? why suddenly i want things in my hand?
maybe because all these years i am not getting enough recognition that is why when i think that i am losing them, i start to be more demanding...
but whatever it is... i can no longer deny the fact that i have changed all these years... since all of your said so...
i sudden have the urge to type down his name... because i want him to know... but i cannnot
why am i like always label with things that i never do? why when i am shouldering that thing for him, he is going far?
maybe it is nothing to them afterall...
how to be thickskinned when i am already looking at his face and talking to him le but he still dont give a reply or even a expression?
i hope for him to ask yesterday but i only need a smile today but i got nothing...
quit telling me that he would not put it to heart... what is going on now? he is putting the fact that i have changed to heart... if not none of these will be happening now...
maybe i should not even be closer to him initially...
come to think of it... he is also hopping around changing friends...but why do they bu shuang me but dont bu shaung him?
i dont know whether i am sad now or angry now... dont know which one more...
what is all these with Mr Low saying that if bu shuang someone just say it out... apprently someone didnt put it in mind or didnt even hear it... i am tired of asking him whether he got bu shuang me not...
what a day without Si Aun... went home in 188... it is better than facing each other in total awkward silence on the train trip home...
thank you for telling me that they are still kids... i think i know that but what to do? i still took what they said to heart... i think it has become my habit... i am used to it...
i tried to make a change... i went home in 188 and not MRT...
but come to think of it... do you think he even realise that? i dont think he give a F*cking care about it...
do you know that that example that you gave me is not valid? cause we are just 2 different people... Dance Inspiration is not enough... see what is happening now...
it is just so hard to cry and once i start, it is just so hard to stop... should i cry or should i just keep everything inside me?
here i am kicking a BIG duss out of it.. i know...
go ahead...laugh at this idiot here who is just trying to grab attention and who is just being PARANOID...
go ahead... bu shaung this person here if you want... cause at least she will be happy that you even put in an effort to bu shuang her... cause she think that no one cares or even give a F*cking damn about her anymore...
sorry if you cared...thank you... i think i overlook you... you... i dont know who is the you...
~*laugh*~
~*or maybe help to make me cry?*~
~*but still thank you anyway*~
~*thanks for listening to my nagging*~
~*i dont know how much longer i can hold on*~
why the ones who tried to help are never the ones that i ever hope to be? ok... i am moving into depression stage again... how long have i not have that feeling?
i know i am a nuisance, always getting sad over things that your never thought were problems... but can your just accept the fact that i am stupid and that they appear as problem to me? can your just accept the fact that telling me that i am paranoid no longer help? can your just accept my point of view that something is just seriously wrong somewhere?
how to be thick skinned? i am trying to be... that is what i have been doing all these years if your realised... i never belong to your batch, never belong to your gang, never belong to your group... never if i never attempt to something when i was secondary3...
i know how many people will get furious after reading this entry... i know how many people will be laughing secretly about this great fall that i am experiencing now... and i know just how many people will just think that i am being paranoid again...
i feel like slapping myself... slapping myself, asking myself why i suddenly have the urge to be recognise? why suddenly i want them to know my existance? why suddenly i want things in my hand?
maybe because all these years i am not getting enough recognition that is why when i think that i am losing them, i start to be more demanding...
but whatever it is... i can no longer deny the fact that i have changed all these years... since all of your said so...
i sudden have the urge to type down his name... because i want him to know... but i cannnot
why am i like always label with things that i never do? why when i am shouldering that thing for him, he is going far?
maybe it is nothing to them afterall...
how to be thickskinned when i am already looking at his face and talking to him le but he still dont give a reply or even a expression?
i hope for him to ask yesterday but i only need a smile today but i got nothing...
quit telling me that he would not put it to heart... what is going on now? he is putting the fact that i have changed to heart... if not none of these will be happening now...
maybe i should not even be closer to him initially...
come to think of it... he is also hopping around changing friends...but why do they bu shuang me but dont bu shaung him?
i dont know whether i am sad now or angry now... dont know which one more...
what is all these with Mr Low saying that if bu shuang someone just say it out... apprently someone didnt put it in mind or didnt even hear it... i am tired of asking him whether he got bu shuang me not...
what a day without Si Aun... went home in 188... it is better than facing each other in total awkward silence on the train trip home...
thank you for telling me that they are still kids... i think i know that but what to do? i still took what they said to heart... i think it has become my habit... i am used to it...
i tried to make a change... i went home in 188 and not MRT...
but come to think of it... do you think he even realise that? i dont think he give a F*cking care about it...
do you know that that example that you gave me is not valid? cause we are just 2 different people... Dance Inspiration is not enough... see what is happening now...
it is just so hard to cry and once i start, it is just so hard to stop... should i cry or should i just keep everything inside me?
here i am kicking a BIG duss out of it.. i know...
go ahead...laugh at this idiot here who is just trying to grab attention and who is just being PARANOID...
go ahead... bu shaung this person here if you want... cause at least she will be happy that you even put in an effort to bu shuang her... cause she think that no one cares or even give a F*cking damn about her anymore...
sorry if you cared...thank you... i think i overlook you... you... i dont know who is the you...
~*laugh*~
~*or maybe help to make me cry?*~
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
.::what a sunday::.
~*what a great sunday that was*~
~*now then things start to come in all at once*~
i am not that good...i amvery bad...so bad that i cannot find a reason to anything...
all those reason that i found just seem so for me...so out to help me...
i didnt mean to even say anything that day... i dont even know why i said something that day... i only remember i had a bad day from that performance thing... didnt know how to handle and stuff...
why...how?...now i dont even know how to apologise...
what a cool me huh...
what do i do now?
i dont know...
why people like to keep things to themselves? people around them end up guessing and guessing... it is not fun at all...
help me someone...
~*i start to realise that even crying dont even help now*~
~*will youu help me?*~
~*i know youu cant*~
~*will youu be happy?*~
~*now then things start to come in all at once*~
i am not that good...i amvery bad...so bad that i cannot find a reason to anything...
all those reason that i found just seem so for me...so out to help me...
i didnt mean to even say anything that day... i dont even know why i said something that day... i only remember i had a bad day from that performance thing... didnt know how to handle and stuff...
why...how?...now i dont even know how to apologise...
what a cool me huh...
what do i do now?
i dont know...
why people like to keep things to themselves? people around them end up guessing and guessing... it is not fun at all...
help me someone...
~*i start to realise that even crying dont even help now*~
~*will youu help me?*~
~*i know youu cant*~
~*will youu be happy?*~
Monday, January 09, 2006
.::rain makes me happy::.
~*rain is something that wash away everything*~
~*everything that you never want to think about*~
~*but for that few moments only*~
WAHTUCK...can you tell me?it dont feel good to not know... and i think it will not be anything good... i dont want what you told me to happen... things are ok now... please...
thank you daryl...thank you for saying out what i dont dare to say...thank you shi bin for listening... we two have realise that time is no longer the same... i am not who i used to be... and your too... so let it be... we know that jokes and everything will still be there... thank you shi bin for trying to help but what you said didnt help... but at least you put an effort... that is enough...
alot of your.. it is enough to just ask...but he never do that... i am trying to not care about him... maybe it is wrong even from the start to be closer to him... and i think i am going near my task... he never bothers me that much anymore...
did he even realise that eveyone had realised what he is doing? did he even realise what i am thinking? i doubt so... so let it be...
sorry if i turn all my sad into angry... that is the only way to not be sad... that is the only way to do things... other than being sad and can do nothing...
thank you jeremy and koon hui that gang for asking me out for dinner just hoping to psycho me... i actually wanted to go...but... someone is there... i dont want to carry that fake smile...
so many things that your told me... i heard it thousand times... heard it from myself also... but things are easier said than done...i am trying...
i just keep hoping that the next time will be better
i have no idea... is it that i have problem with my way of talking or they got hearing problem or they did it on purpose? better no another time...
hope that youu will be happy... but the fear is coming near me again... again...i believe youu will be happy... but what about me?
you never know what is behind those happy smiles...
it is good to laugh at stupid jokes and have some fun in the rain... even if i am walking alone in the rain... it is also more than enough.. thank you peixuan and hannqian... had a rather bad day but thanks to all those water splashing... and being splashed by a passing bus!!! ok... i am ok after the walk to kallang mac...
did i ever told anyone that i actually walked in the rain around the carpark behind my house? i forgot what the whole problem is but i think it is them again... but the walk rocks.. though the rain was not big enough... haha... it did helped...
who say rain equals to sorrow?
~*pardon my bad temper recently huh*~
~*i am just turning my sorrows into anger to make myself feel better*~
~*sorry if i failed to control my anger well*~
~*everything that you never want to think about*~
~*but for that few moments only*~
WAHTUCK...can you tell me?it dont feel good to not know... and i think it will not be anything good... i dont want what you told me to happen... things are ok now... please...
thank you daryl...thank you for saying out what i dont dare to say...thank you shi bin for listening... we two have realise that time is no longer the same... i am not who i used to be... and your too... so let it be... we know that jokes and everything will still be there... thank you shi bin for trying to help but what you said didnt help... but at least you put an effort... that is enough...
alot of your.. it is enough to just ask...but he never do that... i am trying to not care about him... maybe it is wrong even from the start to be closer to him... and i think i am going near my task... he never bothers me that much anymore...
did he even realise that eveyone had realised what he is doing? did he even realise what i am thinking? i doubt so... so let it be...
sorry if i turn all my sad into angry... that is the only way to not be sad... that is the only way to do things... other than being sad and can do nothing...
thank you jeremy and koon hui that gang for asking me out for dinner just hoping to psycho me... i actually wanted to go...but... someone is there... i dont want to carry that fake smile...
so many things that your told me... i heard it thousand times... heard it from myself also... but things are easier said than done...i am trying...
i just keep hoping that the next time will be better
i have no idea... is it that i have problem with my way of talking or they got hearing problem or they did it on purpose? better no another time...
hope that youu will be happy... but the fear is coming near me again... again...i believe youu will be happy... but what about me?
you never know what is behind those happy smiles...
it is good to laugh at stupid jokes and have some fun in the rain... even if i am walking alone in the rain... it is also more than enough.. thank you peixuan and hannqian... had a rather bad day but thanks to all those water splashing... and being splashed by a passing bus!!! ok... i am ok after the walk to kallang mac...
did i ever told anyone that i actually walked in the rain around the carpark behind my house? i forgot what the whole problem is but i think it is them again... but the walk rocks.. though the rain was not big enough... haha... it did helped...
who say rain equals to sorrow?
~*pardon my bad temper recently huh*~
~*i am just turning my sorrows into anger to make myself feel better*~
~*sorry if i failed to control my anger well*~
Sunday, January 08, 2006
.::why::.
~*it is always those same stupid titles*~
~*it is always those same stupid problems*~
~*it is always there*~
~*i cant solve*~
i never started off making friends with a stupid attitude. i never fake those whom dont have serious problem in their attitude... that is the way i handle things... all along... but seems like they are not working out right...
so many stupid things on hand... dont have a single idea what may happen the next minute...
so many things...who can i tell? not paranoid... but things are really just the way they are...just that your fail to realise that...
i think i am the closest to your but what is on your mind?i dont know... from what i see... things are only in the name... hardly true...
so all the while i am stuck here... with some stupid doings of mine that i never know was wrong?
what a stupid reason to not like me... to bu shuang me...
how to let it be...
did i ever said that i care how others look at me? alot... i care alot...
it is tiring to face those who like you
it is tiring to laugh when you are not happy at all
it is even more tiring when you thought you are with them and that they will understand you but yet in the end they dont.
why do i always have the urge to throw my handphone?
i just have the urge to throw anything that is in my hand whenever i see what they are doing...
i think i am going through what they are going through also...
always thought that things will be ok... thought that you will get their support and understanding but somehow you never get what you want...how disheartening can that be?
you never know until you go through it yourself...
what a day...everything just happen suddenly... i thought i could hold on... i thought i will not be bothered by it but i realise i am wrong... only when someone left then will i realise how much i actually hoped...
youu disappear...keep on telling myself the time is not right yet...sometime later youu will but guess like i am wrong...what a time now... a time now for myself only... youu feeling happy about whatever good things that have happened today...
youu know?i never get angry about youu being there only when youu want to talk... i just choose to deny...never like to admit... i dont want to get back that same stupid feeling again... so it is still better to not think about anything...
~*but there are just somethings*~
~*that i just have to think*~
~*not think...*~
~*but rather, feel*~
~*it is always those same stupid problems*~
~*it is always there*~
~*i cant solve*~
i never started off making friends with a stupid attitude. i never fake those whom dont have serious problem in their attitude... that is the way i handle things... all along... but seems like they are not working out right...
so many stupid things on hand... dont have a single idea what may happen the next minute...
so many things...who can i tell? not paranoid... but things are really just the way they are...just that your fail to realise that...
i think i am the closest to your but what is on your mind?i dont know... from what i see... things are only in the name... hardly true...
so all the while i am stuck here... with some stupid doings of mine that i never know was wrong?
what a stupid reason to not like me... to bu shuang me...
how to let it be...
did i ever said that i care how others look at me? alot... i care alot...
it is tiring to face those who like you
it is tiring to laugh when you are not happy at all
it is even more tiring when you thought you are with them and that they will understand you but yet in the end they dont.
why do i always have the urge to throw my handphone?
i just have the urge to throw anything that is in my hand whenever i see what they are doing...
i think i am going through what they are going through also...
always thought that things will be ok... thought that you will get their support and understanding but somehow you never get what you want...how disheartening can that be?
you never know until you go through it yourself...
what a day...everything just happen suddenly... i thought i could hold on... i thought i will not be bothered by it but i realise i am wrong... only when someone left then will i realise how much i actually hoped...
youu disappear...keep on telling myself the time is not right yet...sometime later youu will but guess like i am wrong...what a time now... a time now for myself only... youu feeling happy about whatever good things that have happened today...
youu know?i never get angry about youu being there only when youu want to talk... i just choose to deny...never like to admit... i dont want to get back that same stupid feeling again... so it is still better to not think about anything...
~*but there are just somethings*~
~*that i just have to think*~
~*not think...*~
~*but rather, feel*~
Saturday, January 07, 2006
.::over sensitive?::.
~*did i ever tell your that i am super sensitive?*~
~*dont try to hide anything*~
~*i will know*~
~*i will know who you like or who you are interested in*~
~*so beware*~
~*cause i am sensitive*~
ok...now at dallan's house... i like his keyboard...cause i like the sound when you press it...but i dont like the shift key... cause its position so weird... i will press the wrong thing...
ok...things are no where better recently... only that i found out reasons why things are the way they are now...at least someone is willing to tell me... i dont have to keep searching for answer...but again...why are they telling different things to different people?
haix...i am trying to learn to not care... not care as in dont think so much... just do my best for things and things will be ok...
but when i am alone...things are just hard to say...
just think so much...it is not easy to do what you say... dont think jiu dont think meh?
do youu know that youu no longer make me sad?...cause i learn to take things in my stride... no longer so bend on having things my way...cause i know that it will not be nice... but i still dont like the fact that youu talk to me only when youu have problems...
all along i thought that they are the ones i am closest to...but i guess at times that i am wrong... things are hardly for me... they are there for me... most of my memories... but when things go wrong... do they support?
guess the number reading my blog... it is super low...
again...back to youu... i am just so sensitive that i can feel what youu are thinking... thinking as in... whatever youu say, i think i can predict... lets just wait and see or do youu dare to admit to it?
will the same thing as before happen again? say one thing and do another?
i dont know... let time tell the answer... what else can i do?
you...always there wanting me to tell you things... hello... do you even care?
it is just the same thing as you are feeling... will it even help to say? so quit asking me...
lets just hope that whatever bad things will end real soon... end and let me be happy...
BY THE WAY...
i can go MALAYSIA le!!!
that shall be the last... i promise...
hmmm... i wonder which junior college will we be working with... hmmm... what if it is...? haha... (oops...oh my did your realise that the previous 'haha' is the first time it is appearing after how many entries?)
~*be happy*~
~*youu know*~
~*dont try to hide anything*~
~*i will know*~
~*i will know who you like or who you are interested in*~
~*so beware*~
~*cause i am sensitive*~
ok...now at dallan's house... i like his keyboard...cause i like the sound when you press it...but i dont like the shift key... cause its position so weird... i will press the wrong thing...
ok...things are no where better recently... only that i found out reasons why things are the way they are now...at least someone is willing to tell me... i dont have to keep searching for answer...but again...why are they telling different things to different people?
haix...i am trying to learn to not care... not care as in dont think so much... just do my best for things and things will be ok...
but when i am alone...things are just hard to say...
just think so much...it is not easy to do what you say... dont think jiu dont think meh?
do youu know that youu no longer make me sad?...cause i learn to take things in my stride... no longer so bend on having things my way...cause i know that it will not be nice... but i still dont like the fact that youu talk to me only when youu have problems...
all along i thought that they are the ones i am closest to...but i guess at times that i am wrong... things are hardly for me... they are there for me... most of my memories... but when things go wrong... do they support?
guess the number reading my blog... it is super low...
again...back to youu... i am just so sensitive that i can feel what youu are thinking... thinking as in... whatever youu say, i think i can predict... lets just wait and see or do youu dare to admit to it?
will the same thing as before happen again? say one thing and do another?
i dont know... let time tell the answer... what else can i do?
you...always there wanting me to tell you things... hello... do you even care?
it is just the same thing as you are feeling... will it even help to say? so quit asking me...
lets just hope that whatever bad things will end real soon... end and let me be happy...
BY THE WAY...
i can go MALAYSIA le!!!
that shall be the last... i promise...
hmmm... i wonder which junior college will we be working with... hmmm... what if it is...? haha... (oops...oh my did your realise that the previous 'haha' is the first time it is appearing after how many entries?)
~*be happy*~
~*youu know*~
Thursday, January 05, 2006
.::another entry::.
~*forever...*~
~*my entry never reach the one it should reach*~
~*maybe i am talking about you*~
ok...talk to him...what a day... i thought i would not receive any ss but i did... how i wish i didn't... then maybe i would not even be tinking about it now...
it dont feel good to keep thinking about the same thing... keep getting that same feeling... yet i can tell no one...
youu dont know... youu never know...
~*what an entry right?*~
~*maybe i amd talking to you?...*~
~*you never know*~
~*just like i never know youu*~
~*my entry never reach the one it should reach*~
~*maybe i am talking about you*~
ok...talk to him...what a day... i thought i would not receive any ss but i did... how i wish i didn't... then maybe i would not even be tinking about it now...
it dont feel good to keep thinking about the same thing... keep getting that same feeling... yet i can tell no one...
youu dont know... youu never know...
~*what an entry right?*~
~*maybe i amd talking to you?...*~
~*you never know*~
~*just like i never know youu*~
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
.::do you live in a family like mine?::.
~*you will never understand what kind of world i am living in*~
what a father i have...every 2 or 3 days one argument... very fun is it? nope... not at all...
what a stupid thing... what kind of dad he is? how i wish he can just leave the house... i dont think i need him...
and...
youu....what do youu think youu are doing? i am demanding... then why do youu keep doing the same thing? i am always hoping, but i know it will only be disappointment that i will ever get...
get out of my life... if youu are not sincere... get lost please...
ya...i am trying to cheer up...but how to? how to when things are so messy for me... please... those f*cking people just get out of my life... stop giving me trouble... i am tired...
did i ever tell your that i hate responsibility? i never like it... dont know since when... so this shall be the last... please... let it be the last...
~*life will be better without him*~
~*what about youu?*~
~*i dont know*~
~*please... your know what to do...*~
~*click please*~
~* C= *~
what a father i have...every 2 or 3 days one argument... very fun is it? nope... not at all...
what a stupid thing... what kind of dad he is? how i wish he can just leave the house... i dont think i need him...
and...
youu....what do youu think youu are doing? i am demanding... then why do youu keep doing the same thing? i am always hoping, but i know it will only be disappointment that i will ever get...
get out of my life... if youu are not sincere... get lost please...
ya...i am trying to cheer up...but how to? how to when things are so messy for me... please... those f*cking people just get out of my life... stop giving me trouble... i am tired...
did i ever tell your that i hate responsibility? i never like it... dont know since when... so this shall be the last... please... let it be the last...
~*life will be better without him*~
~*what about youu?*~
~*i dont know*~
~*please... your know what to do...*~
~*click please*~
~* C= *~
.::the same thing again::.
~*it is alot*~
~*so much that i cant really handle*~
maybe i should not have talk to him...cause all the more i talk to him... all the more i think that i had done something terribly wrong and all the more i think that he is never happy with the way i work... i think some of your know who i am talking about...
not a nice feeling... i am biased... sorry... i didnt realise that until today... i didnt mean to... i thought of all the possible reasons but i cant find a reason to support my stand... ok... i admit... i did forget them... but at least one of them is in it right?
i am tired of all these things... it is hard to please everyone... i dont know how to... i dont want anymore things on my shoulders anymore... it is just that same stupid feeling like before... although i know... complain dont help... i still have to do it...
just hope that things get over soon... as soon as possible...
did your realise that i am always waiting for things to get over... cause i am always facing situation that i can do nothing about... can only wait for the thing to be over... cause one day anything will also end one...
and...
i never like to admit that things are still the way they are... why do youu even ask? ever know what feeling i am getting? not nice... i dont know what youu are thinking... just when i thought youu will not care, youu did... just when i thought i will get nothing, i got it...
just when i thought everything is over...it is such a mixed feeling... giving out the wrong message at the same time...
did youu know that a reply is enough?
i tried to test it out... youu passed it... somehow i go what i want... but how long will this even last? i doubt it will be for long...
so jie yim... you are a failure... you always thought that you know people well just by talking with them or knowing them for sometime... but come to think of it... you are just nothing... didnt you realise that all your entries are filled with words like 'i never know what you are thinking?'
so sad...but that is the truth... things are always like that for you... you should go and think about it...
just when you thought that everything is over, things start again...
~*oh...that is just so sad*~
~*go ahead and count how many entries have those words*~
~*go ahead and think*~
~*have you master that skill yet?*~
~*to know people inside out*~
~*especially them...*~
~*so much that i cant really handle*~
maybe i should not have talk to him...cause all the more i talk to him... all the more i think that i had done something terribly wrong and all the more i think that he is never happy with the way i work... i think some of your know who i am talking about...
not a nice feeling... i am biased... sorry... i didnt realise that until today... i didnt mean to... i thought of all the possible reasons but i cant find a reason to support my stand... ok... i admit... i did forget them... but at least one of them is in it right?
i am tired of all these things... it is hard to please everyone... i dont know how to... i dont want anymore things on my shoulders anymore... it is just that same stupid feeling like before... although i know... complain dont help... i still have to do it...
just hope that things get over soon... as soon as possible...
did your realise that i am always waiting for things to get over... cause i am always facing situation that i can do nothing about... can only wait for the thing to be over... cause one day anything will also end one...
and...
i never like to admit that things are still the way they are... why do youu even ask? ever know what feeling i am getting? not nice... i dont know what youu are thinking... just when i thought youu will not care, youu did... just when i thought i will get nothing, i got it...
just when i thought everything is over...it is such a mixed feeling... giving out the wrong message at the same time...
did youu know that a reply is enough?
i tried to test it out... youu passed it... somehow i go what i want... but how long will this even last? i doubt it will be for long...
so jie yim... you are a failure... you always thought that you know people well just by talking with them or knowing them for sometime... but come to think of it... you are just nothing... didnt you realise that all your entries are filled with words like 'i never know what you are thinking?'
so sad...but that is the truth... things are always like that for you... you should go and think about it...
just when you thought that everything is over, things start again...
~*oh...that is just so sad*~
~*go ahead and count how many entries have those words*~
~*go ahead and think*~
~*have you master that skill yet?*~
~*to know people inside out*~
~*especially them...*~
Monday, January 02, 2006
.::what a big change::.
~*a change in everyone*~
~*a change in me*~
~*there are just some things that i don't know why*~
~*there are just some things that i can't control*~
ok... i know i changed...but i didn't really know it was that drastic... but aniway... i can't really do anything now... somehow i still think the situation forced me to... but... nevermind...
ok...what that are going on recently... why they even come lor.. so much changes lor... and worse when you are misunderstood by your own people... things are just not what i want... i was being forced to... this time round...really being forced to... so please accept it... there are really reasons why i did those things...
i am not the one who forced thing to change to what they are now... not me... it is them... so be it... haix...
should i go?
~*a new year ahead*~
~*please have the habit of clicking on the advertisement by google on the top left hand corner of the blog... thanks*~
~* C= *~
~*a change in me*~
~*there are just some things that i don't know why*~
~*there are just some things that i can't control*~
ok... i know i changed...but i didn't really know it was that drastic... but aniway... i can't really do anything now... somehow i still think the situation forced me to... but... nevermind...
ok...what that are going on recently... why they even come lor.. so much changes lor... and worse when you are misunderstood by your own people... things are just not what i want... i was being forced to... this time round...really being forced to... so please accept it... there are really reasons why i did those things...
i am not the one who forced thing to change to what they are now... not me... it is them... so be it... haix...
should i go?
~*a new year ahead*~
~*please have the habit of clicking on the advertisement by google on the top left hand corner of the blog... thanks*~
~* C= *~
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