.::never imagine::.

~*never thought that he would be the first*~
~*i am still trying to believe it now*~

i am tired of blasting weihong with all my complains... i know he is also sick of them and i know he got his own problems...but come to think of it, who else can help me? why those who volunteered to help is never those who i hope for...

still, thanks for eveything...those who bothered to ask... those who bothered to ask why i seem so down, those wo bothered to ask why i am crying, those who bothered to ask if i am ok, those who bothered to ask whether i need help, and those who bothered to read this blog...

sometimes i am just thinking...i should have expected this outcome years ago... like one day, things will be like the way they are now?... but did i ever mention that i never thought that he would be the first one to hate me?

i know that one day friends will just leave you... everything in the world has to end someday, somehow, sometime, somewhere... but things that are happening now are not what i thought would have happen...

all the 'maybes' and all the 'ifs'... i am tired of them... i am starting to wonder where i belong... which group to hang out with...

the only one...it is gone... no longer that happy for me... cause someone in there will just be not happy about me hanging out with them... i saw that smile when i turn back to ask for direction... what is that suppose to mean?

i think i know... you would not even bad mouth me... you would not even let my name come out from your mouth anymore...

for goodness sake... i am not pessimisstic or paranoid... cause i just believe that things are really that bad now... say i paranoid and i make sure i explode in front of you...

i really dont know what to do next... i really dont know what i will do next... you never know how much you meant in others life... like i never know i meant so little to you... of all of your, why is it you that i was once closest to?

ya...go ahead and laugh if your want... if you still think i am kicking up a big fuss out of NOTHING... ya... there is really nothing... if only there was something, i dont think i will be that sad...

if you still think that this girl here is doing all this things, getting close to them just for power, go ahead and think that way... now that she failed in getting trust from them till they graduate, she is now trying to be close to another group cause they are going to get power soon... that has always been what your are thinking right? some of your out there...

ya...she is out to make the troupe political... that is why she formed a committee... ya... if that is what you think, then go ahead... she just changed so much... oh.. apologies... i mean she didnt change... she just failed to cover up things properly le... she is letting the cat out of the bag, letting people know that she is actually so very political that she wanted power so much... SEE? it suits her horoscope... she is a LEO... someone who wants or yearns for leadership... she should be a leader...

ya...some of your out there, happy that she is finally admitting all these?

your can now watch her fall...

do your know what i really wanted? i wanted a life without changes... i know that is never possible... can you at least promise me a friendship that will never change? although i never said friends forever to your but did your ever know that that is what i have always been hoping for? i thought your felt the same...but apparently i am wrong...

dont let me die without knowing how i die... that only reason last week was not enough... cant you see that i am all stressed up that day? i dont wish to use that as an excuse... even if i was not stressed, do you think what happened that day is enough to sentence me to death?

what have i achieve this holiday?

i manage to lose a friend... without even knowing why... do you know how that felt? how bad that felt?

~*when will the tears run dry?*~
~*let that day come soon*~
~*cause i dont want to cry anymore*~