Wasted

A effort wasted morning.

Today

I had something that I wanted to share today. and just a moment ago. but i dont really remember.

I shall be diligent and go back and finish up my reports. So I will have a better weekend...

Oh, I read my friend's blog and I feel like going TAIWAN! and I feel like going Shanghai for EXPO and I am glad I am going to Hong Kong le...

I had two sleepy morning lecture. But I dont really care. Shall go back and try out the tutorial over the weekend. I need a swim. And I had macs again just now. And now my stomach is churning.

And it is a rainy day again! Let me get to my car dry please.

And another presentation down. Oh, I HAVE TO DO RESEARCH. Later. After 6!

Lets have pancake tomorrow!

I miss Baby! My dog...

a bad night

I did not have a good night. :( I went home only to realise my sister sleeping on my bed when I already said that I might be coming home. :( and in the end, I had so much trouble getting to sleep. And when I was about to fall asleep, my dogs have to start walking around and woke me up again. Argh.

workaholic

I realise I'm not a workaholic. I'm just not efficient enough!

Quiet Night

I am missing my bed and I have an index finger that is hurting for no apparent reason...

To be frank, it is scary at night. Because you cannot see whether anyone is coming in. And the walk from my house carpark. hmm. ok at times. when you are late enough that is. Haha.

But I guess this is what happen when the Boyfriend is not feeling well... GET WELL SOON!

Shall sleep in tomorrow morning. Lets just hope that weekends come faster!

Coward

I suddenly realise that I'm just like a coward and all that I want to do now is run away and take a break. I think I need a holiday. Soon.

sinful

I did something sinful. I went to have long John for lunch. Sinful as in a waste of time. But it was a quick one. 45mins. The hungry pangs are giving me bad headache and it sure is good to have alot of food in my stomach now!

Start of School AGAIN!

So it is the start of school again and after all the mad rush and fun that I had, I finally cleared a big chunk of the reports. Phew~!

Slept rather late last night. Argh, the report is one whole stack... And am so sleepy now. Teacher woke me up in class TWICE! Haha. But I am not the only one. haha

Tonight, dinner at Dear's house, a meal cooked by Raymond and maybe I should go get a swim.

I was thinking of getting a swim yesterday and in the end I jumped into the sea during practical. Haha. Most of my classmates did that. They jumped off the boat when they are some distance away from the shore and was tow back with lifebouy and rope. haha. FUN!

Thats all for now.... C=

Tomorrow!

Let's hope for a good weekend! It is sure a stressful week

Awaken

It felt like a sign. And I feel awake now though I'm sleepy. That sounded chim. Good night

A cross

I saw a cross at the place where I sleep. For the first time after so long. :)

The Lord

I found the link to it and I spoke to God. Hope I honour my words

Driving Record

Broke my personal record today. 140km/hour.
The highest speed acheive and it felt good.

Memories

~Very Personal Indeed~

I happened to go Raffles City yesterday, and I went by padang to realise that PA is training there. So i walked over to look for them after being rejected... And I am glad that I did!

When Mr Low asked how am I? I felt like crying... and when I was about to leave the place, he said, 'I know you are busy with your things. Just remember to come visit us when you are free'.

I almost cried again.

Did I tell anyone before that I actually hope to return to them? Return to where it all started and where I really come from. I have the urge to dance when I see people on stage. I feel thrilled when I see people that I know. I feel glad that I choose to walk over yesterday.

Thats the main happening of the weekend.

Wondering

After so long. What will things be like now if I really did what I thought I should do then. Haha.
Something to ponder over...
Ice cream, milk tea with pearl, popcorn. Food for the soul. Or rather, food for MY soul. :)

Happy Food

Had all the Happy food that I craved for in ONE DAY!

Thanks to the people who helped to make it all possible. Haha.

Ben and Jerry's icecream! By Jasmine, who helped to buy it.
Popcorn from Cornery at Ion, by QiuGui who helped to buy it.
Island Creamery, thanks for Dear for driving there and Qiugui for jio-ing us along!

Haha. Munch Munch. Next will be Bubble Tea!

Make it work!

It will work, for He will guide.

Let it be good. Things will be better! Find me the strength.

I dint managed to say

I didnt manage to say what I want to say.

Realise

I realised something today. I never hated my work, I love my work.

It is just that the things that I wanted never really happened and it makes me dread that things are always work. I wanted more than all those maybe.

Am I making sense? Work makes me feels alive actually.

I will ask for what I want tonight

The title speaks all... I hope I managed to do it.

Can I blog about somethings that are very ridiculous?

I seriously feel my life is of no joy now. At this very moment. I go to bed thinking that way too.
How will you feel when your boyfriend dont tell you he love you for 1 month?
What will you do when your boyfriend dont kiss you for 1 month?
What will happen if your boyfriend dont hug you for 1 month?
What will happen when all these is happening when you are staying with him?
What will you do if you feel like you are just constantly working and constantly at work, seeing no end?
Stop telling me that I have to take the iniative.
I am tired
I want to play
I want to sleep
I want to shop
I want to read
I want to piece puzzles
I want to finish cross stitch
I want more time.

off to first test!

Something interesting i saw on Stomp
http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/stomp/sgseen/this_urban_jungle/389574/8_warning_signs_married_couples_have_become_more_like_siblings.html

!@#$%^&*()

CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE?
~!@#$%$^&*()_+

Heard a song while driving

I like to drive around, especially when nice songs are being played.

I heard the following while I was driving back to office this afternoon, or rather, just now.

男人不该让女人流泪

你说我让你看不清楚转
你说你害怕在爱中迷途自
舍不得你哭 如果是我让你觉得无助
让我告诉你 我对这一切有多在乎魁
如何证明我深情的吻 才能呵护你脆弱的灵魂
我愿用生命阻挡任何能伤害你的人
就算被冷落 就算犯错 我都不走

喔~相信我无悔无求 我愿为你放弃所有
男人不该让女人流泪 至少我尽力而为
喔~相信我别再闪躲 我愿陪你 直到最后
男人不该让女人流泪
至少我尽力而为 相信我

A particular scene came to my mind whenever I hear this song. Along with the feelings. Though it was once the worst period of my life then, the toughest, but it was when everything felt so strong and felt so real. I want abit of that now.

.::Life so far::.

The last post was about one month ago...

Nothing interesting in life to talk about at this very moment, just a hell lot of complains. I need motivation badly. I hope I do well for this upcoming exams cos thats the nearest motivation that I can wait before everything just dies off.

Work, Study, Love, Life, Family, Dog

Work, there isnt anything much convenient to describe here but the fact that there is always things that have to be said more than once, only to realise that they still dont understand makes me ANGRY!

Like the following example of what happened:
Me: I am driving now, I dont have the name of the client, just go there, call the person and ask that person for the Client and Project name.
XXX: Ok, so later you sms me the Client and Project name?
Me: ~!@##$%^&*

Please, enlighten me, what is this all about that I said that was difficult to understand?

And the same type of silly situation happened in this particular teleconversation that lasted for less than 1 minute TWICE.

I swear I would have rammed the vehicle that I am driving into his car if he is driving in front of me!

So. That should summarise the kind of situation that I am facing most morning. Not to mention all the morning calls that I have. just wanna nag here, because it doesnt really seems like I have a single other soul to talk to other than God

I quite hate the fact that at times working hard doesnt help. Because clients dont appreciate. Maybe this is just part of life again.

Study. Nothing much as well, but maybe this is the most interesting part in my life now, with cute and entertaining class mates. They are just like my JC classmate. I am glad I have them in my class! Haha. Sleeping in Basic Thermo becomes a norm. It is just so difficult to stay awake, maybe I am just allergic to his voice.

Chionging for test. MUST DO WELL!

Worried for maths and thermo!

Love, other than bunking in with Dear most of the at times, hmm. thats about it. I just remember, I think we both forgot about the month-versary. Nothing important afterall I guess.

I feel myself misplaced at times, not knowing what is the right thing to do at times. So much so that I feel like staying alone and be alone most of the times. I dont really like the idea of being around people. Seriously. Something is wrong I suppose. Like I dont even know what to do or how to behave appropriately when I am around my loved ones, that excludes my own blood related family members. I think I should snap out of all these though.

Life, that part, just more Wii-ing and more swimming and more coffee and more shopping. Looking forward to trips. I think I need them badly.

Family, like have more time to dine with mama nowadays that I hardly go home. I think they are glad without me around as well. But surely not my dogs! Haha. They wag their tail so hard when I am home! And I think one of them needs the vet.

Thats about it. The one month.

I was reading someone's blog that day and that person mentioned about people around him getting married with them at the right age and all... I think I salute those who took the courage to take that step into marriage. I think it is something so alien and something so difficult to maintain and to keep it up and all. I think being in a marriage feels even more difficult than raising a child.

There are people who are in marriages who is full of joy and sparks and passion and everything good, though some small setback here and there that we as outsider will never know about, but still good, with a smiley husband and cheerful wife most of the time.

There are couples who are in marriages that are just so 'formal', sleeping together in one bed at night with a big gap in between two of them. Minimal talking and not to mention, always with a stern husband that hardly smiles and a quiet wife when left alone.

Sometimes I think it is the world that we are in that makes marriage almost impossible. Look at the time spent at work, look at the list of things that we need to handle day in and day out.

Marrying your job or career is so much better and easier if you ever have a choice of that.

I once thought that it was easy and I would like to have it. But then again, I doubt that now...

Enlightened

I heard on the radio yesterday:
There is this story about a man, he has a very bad temper. And he concluded that his bad temper is because of the people around him. So he decide that to put his bad temper under control, he have to stay away from people and be alone. So he decided to shift to the mountains to live his life and be away from people.
Then there is this day, the man make his regular trip to the pond to collect water using a can. He spilled his first can of water by accident when he was on his way back. He went back to get another can, and the same thing happened, he spilled his second can on his way back and then the same thing happened for the third time.

He then got so angry that he threw the can to the ground, and the can broke into pieces.

Looking at the pieces, he realised, his bad temper wasnt because of other people, but because of himself.

So I realised that you know, maybe my temper really needs to be put into control. -.-

And I realised that things can be very simple and nice, just take a step back and not be demanding, maybe things will just get better.

I wanted to bring a magazine back to read last night but I forgot to. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise. Haha. And because I didnt managed to bring the magazine back, I went to bed on time.

Thats all for today. Shall get back to class. I am getting worried for the afternoon CRS test!

Hope dear manage to get a bed of his choice today! Haha. I told him to get the one that the polar bear sleeps on! But got no polar bear gift. :( I can lend you the big pooh bear to sleep with you!

I feel enlightened today

The difference between today and yesterday is drastic! But I am glad things are better now. And I'm feeling more in control of things, especially my emotions.

Shall blog more when I'm in class tomorrow. :) got to sleep!

I miss my darling!

For a moment...

For a moment when I turned out from school, seeing the empty road, I decide to drive slow and yet recklessly. I changed lane without looking.

The next moment, my handphone ring, and messages flooded in. And I am ok

I wanted to...

I feel ashamed at this moment. I wanted to blog, but i think i will choose to pen it down instead

.::A week that just passed::.

I wanna blog about my week that is about to end in less than 48 hours.

Actually, I shouldnt really be here, I should be either busy with work or busy with revising my Basic Thermo since I slept in ALL the lectures or, if not, busy with preparing for CRS. Haas. But still, here I am.

Mother's day is this Sunday, I have given my mother things, but I have yet to decide on what to give Dear's Mum. That doesnt sound like something good. oops.

And the past week, it is definitely more hectic but I think I am finding a balance. Hopefully. Pray hard.

Projects are being settled rather fast and I am glad I did well for welding!

And I found a cool game today!

Had a busy night before we squeeze out time for dinner with my mama. So I am super glad that dear managed to make it. I was still thinking that he might not have the time. Thanks dear!

And not to mention, alot of shifting coming up and alot of new people joining in!

And most of my colleagues are now either getting engaged or engaged. -.- Looking forward to their wedding!

Bubble tea

The boyfriend knew I wanted sweetalk bubble tea for the longest time ever and so he drove to west mall just for this purpose, paid for my drink and ask me to go get it. :)

It was only two sentences and both are factual information. How offending can it ever get. Let's pray that these will get better soon. I think that's one of the few things that is bothering me badly now.

Saturday Sunday

Had a great weekend but not in the mood to blog about it now. Mood swing. Bad and irritated.

It feels bad to forget the date of the month.
But it feels worse to not be reminded by the other one.

Aiya, not like it is important

Giving Up

I feel like I am giving up so much for all these but yet it is never perfect. Not even close to it. There is always a gap, a distance.

If it is under 1.5mm then it is rejectable under ASME B31.6?

If Lack of Fusion is present, it is rejectable under ASME B31.3?

If Lack of Fusion or Lack of Penetration is present, it is rejectable under ABS Hull Weld. Confirm.

It is always those small dots of random porosity that makes the NAD not perfect, not NAD anymore.

What is wrong?

Share about my Days

It is just two days into school term and I can feel the tireness. I am glad that amidst the busy days and packed schedule, I have a rather empty Wednesday. The night class spoils it all but on the brighter side, at least I know that I have a good day of rest before a full night of maths. And rest is important for doing well in maths.

I remember when I was in Primary school, when maths is NOTHING to me, and I can easily score well without studying. My best way of getting myself prepared for maths exam the next day is always to have an extra early night. Like I usually sleep at 10.00pm, I will then try to sleep at 09.30pm instead. Rest your brain, thats what my tutor used to say.

And come to talk about class in Singapore Poly. Have a bunch of good classmates who are rather fun to be with. I am glad I am in a Engineering class. To be exact, the SMA big family, with the Marine Engineering class.

One will never understand the passion for Marine! There is just so much information out there that you feel like you should know and by going for this diploma course, I hope my sister didnt regret getting into this course as well!

And this thursday is no car green day. I hope i manage to find my way to school!

And school has only started for two days and the list below are the things that I need to buy!
SMA Overall
Set square
Set of pencils
Get a piece of good cloth
A good ruler
Eraser Shield

Okies, I think there is more but I dont have the list with me now. I left them in the car.

And today is the second day of class and I have assignment to complete. I have to analyse a article for Critical Resoning. Somewhat like General Paper in JC.

I realise CR is so cool. I wondered what happened to me in my life in JC. Maybe you really need to lose it to treasure it. And I think GP used to be even more interesting!

And there was a topic I wanna share about. It is about driving and handling the steering wheel with just one hand. But it is in the iphone so I shall finish it on the iphone. C=

And had a great night with dear today. Today is a good day! Just talks and more talk. I feel like having steamboat again.

And but for now, time for bed. I miss my bed quite a fair bit. And I shall read some news to keep myself up to date. Haas.

Shall see what else that I need to buy before next week. I hope I dont have to buy textbook for the class tomorrow. Calculus. Kill me please!

And last but not least, I am now looking forward to weekends with dear! I l0ve you darling!

Be a 1.1 today!

Heard the following on the radio during my drive home on FM 93.3. Here it goes.

Take 1 multiply by 1 multiply by 1 multiply by 1, i.e. (1) to the power of 10.
What do you get at the end? You get a 1.

Next, simply add 0.1 to the 1, getting 1.1, and multiply 1.1 by 1.1 by 1.1, ie, (1.1) to the power of 10.
What do you get at the end? You get 2.59.

Next, minus 0.1 from 1 to get 0.9. And multiply 0.9 by 0.9 by 0.9, i.e, (0.9) to the power of 10.
What do you get at the end? You get 0.35.

So, this can reflect how a slight difference in daily life attitude can affect greatly.

Taking 1 as the benchmark, 1 being how you normally behave and your normal attitude at work. By putting in a little bit more of extra effort, you will get 1.1. And after ten days of 1.1, you will get 2.59, which is way more than the initial 1 that you are achieving.

On the other hand, if you dont choose to work hard, instead, you choose to slack a little bit every day, instead of getting 1 or 1.1, you get a 0.9 every day. And after ten days of 0.9, you will get 0.35, which is way lesser than the initial 1 that you are achieving.

Similarly, by having a attitude at 1 everyday, consistent and not improving, at the end of the day, you will still be at 1.

So what do you want in life? Do you want to be the 1 who is the same every other day? Or the 0.9 who is getting worse every single day? Or the 1.1 who gets better every day? Take your pick.

Be the 1.1 today. And the first step for me will be to wake up early tomorrow!

Sweetie

Darling is being such a sweetie today. but aww, he have a upset tummy in the morning but glad that it is over and didnt affect his day. Bet it is all a mad rush today.

And And, I flew from Eunos to CCK in 20 minutes today afternoon. Woah. Thats something worth mentioning. In a Hyundai Trajet, which is Dear's MPV, with a 2.0 tank. I think that is something amazing. Considering that it is already 4 years old and I seriously rev it quite a fair bit. Doubt I am considered a light footer afterall. And all this, is because of the ridiculous girl, who slept all the way till 1.45 when she is supposed to be in school at 8 to do flag day and return her can at 1 to 2.

Anyway, Dear got a Clubman in return for his Devil Mini. Alright, that shall be the name for that fierce and fast car now. It is a combination of the driver and the car though.

Haha. Anyway, nothing amazing about the Clubman, but seems like a Cooper is fast. So after the engine is runn-ed in, we shall see how fast Dear's Cooper S can be, since it is capable of going from 0 to 100km/hour in 7.4seconds!

Thats a devil.

And my FULL timetable is out. My night class is on Wednesday and that sorts of spoilt the plan. Ah. So i have to go to school EVERYDAY! even Wednesday. But it is alright, knowing that the time is only 6 to 9.

And And, I realised something different in the guys. From the past and now. I realised, now work is a joyous thing for them. I like to see how they prepare to get to work. They are like having a party and all working together, helping each other. It is so cool! And I am glad that I am part of this BIG Family!

And now, I shall get back to work and stop slacking and go home soon. A couple more writing to go!

Something that I forget

There is really something that I wanted to post or I wanted to tell dear but seriously, I dont remember.

I should go see if my notes are out or not and get them printed.

This is Life

something stupid happened to me. I guess I am just too too tired. Yat was suppose to come my house at 8am and I dint hear any alarm or phone call till 9 when he turned up at my door and my dogs barked like crazy.

Today, nothing much achieved and nothing much worth mentioning. But I had lunches with my dear these two days.

We had dinner as well, a quiet and quick one. At least with him around, I will sit down properly to have a lunch. If not, I will most likely have it at a later time or rush through it like no body business.

And we went to the pig organ soup shop at balestier to have pig organ soup, pig trotter in vinegar. Finally had a taste of the food there. Nice! We used to want to go there for food. When he started his last sem in SMU and me having night classes. But just nice, our night class falls on Monday, which so happened is the off day for that particular shop. But nonetheless, we manage to have it today. And did I mentioned that the parking lot was so difficult to get.

And thats my day. Not forgeting to mention that I have trouble logging on to the E-journals that is available on SP Library. But I do find some interesting database. Which I believe will be much more easy to access with the company's desktop.

I am planning for a trip to Shanghai. I must save up enough to go!

Will getting a air ticket now and a air ticket at a later time make any or much difference in pricing?

The life after orientation and HOLIDAY!

Okies. Orientation was fine. A class of monkey guys. Some are ridiculously rude. But I doubt I will be their target, since they know that I am so much older. The girls are poor things though, they are all so quiet. -.-

I have a classmate who joined marine engineering, thinking that shipyards like keppel is in tanjong pagar and jurong shipyard is in jurong island. But I told her the brutal truth. They are both in Tuas. And for someone staying in the east, Sengkang, that is ridiculously far!

But anyway, life changes and there is always a choice of the eastern anchorage i suppose

We didnt manage to visit poly marina, because of some late issues and the bus couldnt ferry us there anymore. So we ended early.

And I have this urge to go to Shanghai World EXPO

http://en.expo2010.cn/

must go! I am going to set a date with dear. And for the first time in my life, I am going to pay for the air tickets. It has always always been dear paying for holidays. So I will pay for just the air tickets this time round. SInce that seems like the only attainable thing from now on.

Come to think again, Dear paid alot for all the trips. BinTan, KL (numerous of times), Korea! and Thats alot!

THANK YOU!

And for now, finish blogging, visit the EXPO site and set a date with dear!

Singapore Poly

I used to hate all those talks and lectures but now, looking at the orientation program for today, I rather be attending the talks. Oh. Haha. And I have a sister who pangseh me for guys and come to me when she needs a ride! Haha

Finding peace

At least I feel at peace now. Words can't describe what I'm feeling now but it is like taking a walk back to the past, finding what is right then and put it back to the present. It feels like hitting the restart button and getting here again. I will make it right this time!
Though the boyfriend didn't really say much. :)
And I'm affected by something. JURONG TOWN HALL ROAD. I'm sad that the slope might be gone and I wouldn't be able to feel that feeling again. To think that I was still hoping to go through that road in the mini. Let's try it someday dear. I hope that 'free-fall' feeling is still there. :( happy memories that that road will always bring. ALWAYS

The relationship

Sometime, I feel that I just cant communicate well with the Boyfriend. Like what he said, every other girl can get along well with him, except me. And I definitely have to agree to that. And at times, I just wonder, why the times when he was with me, he is always tired. And sometimes, when you are facing a quiet, a tired, and a thinker, all 3 at the same time, I get tired of trying to find things to say or talk about.

Sometime, it is also because, I find the things in my life that I want to share with him, so minute and micro and not worth mentioning and at times, I do know that he have no idea how to reply me or rather, it dont really interest him. There are just so much more bigger things to talk about.

So, because of that, I still remember how it used to be. It used to be us talking more than the radio and now, the radio is always on. And at times when the volumn is turn down, more than half of the time, we are talking about work.

Sometimes, it feels like I am alone, trying to make things work but then again at times I realised I seems to be the one trying to make things difficult.

And all in all, quarrels is something common and frequent and yes, my mood swings.

And although my mother always says we spend alot of our time together, but it just never seems to be enough for me. Not because I am still in the sticky honeymoon period and honeymoon mood, but more of the fact that I dont feel like the time spent was of quality. Quantity dont work. More than half the time it is work. And the more than half of the remaining time, we are not alone. And sometimes, I hope I cant drive, then he will have to drive me and then we have time in the car, though there are always silence but we do talk occasionally.

And it is saddening to know that your boyfriend hardly smiles at you or laugh with you. Maybe it is because of work, for I am such a useless freak at work. People may say I have done alot but I am still a careless and lazy person. There are things piling up, and again, sometimes, I wish I dont have to drive around. It sometimes makes me doesnt even have time to eat and there are just so many things and driving around, how to task your boss to do it when you know that they can be doing something more useful with their time.

And I used to know everywhere the boyfriend goes and now, no more. And when people asked me where is he, i tried not to answer 'I dont know' because I dont want to hear replies like 'how come you dont know, you should know what', 'how come you dont know, i thought you always know'.

And the boyfriend is usually happy with other people. Or just that I am feeling sore that he doesnt seems happy with me. But then again, seems like most of the times, I am the one making things back. But cant he just have more patience when he is talking to me? Hmm... And that makes me feel stupid.

And at times, I just get jealous that I am no longer the part of the 'We' that is in his mouth.

And sometimes, things do get better, but then again, it doesnt really stay, I think it is me, cause I am never consistent.

And sometimes, I wonder whether I should have a relationship, because I put more effort in my work than in him. Although it is not reflected in the work output. :( sadly.

And I miss time when we go on long walks to places like Hort Park, Marina Barriage, and all the other exotic places that I haven been to before, now, we dont have time for that. The time most spent is in the office, with me in the conference room and him in his room.

And I miss the time, when we will snuggle at my house, to talk, and now, once again, it is just a terribly waste of time.

I realised most of the time I say something, he dont catch it. One thing is, I am soft, but then again, the old me wasnt like that. And another is he is in another conversation. Yap, he is in another conversation. Usually constantly in one. Sometimes I wonder, will he talk to me if I dont talk to him.

Sometimes, I wonder, will things be better if he is not him. A simple person.

And i read the following from someone's blog. Interesting. So which stage am I in now? oh. I mean, what stage are we suppose to be in now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you ever wondered: Why is our relationship so hard? Things were so perfect when we first met – what happened? Most likely, the answer is that you’ve left the first stage of your relationship, and have moved into another. But could it really be that easy?

Yes! Most people understand that relationships grow and change over time… but what many people don’t know is that they tend to evolve in the same way. There are specific, defined stages of long-term relationships, which offer new feelings, new challenges to overcome, and new opportunities for growth. And if you want your relationship to evolve into one of mutual respect, love and intimacy, it’s likely that you’ll have to experience all of the following relationship stages at some point or another. Take a look at the description of each phase – do any of this sound familiar?

Before we get started, you should know that most people experience these stages in this order, and will need to resolve the challenges in each stage before they can move successfully on to the next. Of course there are always exceptions to this rule. But for the most part, you can’t get out of experiencing all of these stages if you want a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Every couple will move through these stages at different speeds, and most people will experience each stage more than once – it is common to fluctuate from one stage to another.*

Okay, now that I’ve given you the basic info, let’s dig a little deeper….

Stage 1 – The Romance Stage

This is also known as the Courtship Phase or the Fantasy Stage, and can last anywhere from 2 months to 2 years. This is when you and your partner have just met, and everything is absolutely amazing. You can’t get enough of each other. Neither of you can do any wrong in the eyes of the other… mainly because you’re both still on your best behavior. The focus in this stage is on commonalities – you have so many common interests, you could practically be the same person! You show your partner your absolute best self, and you try to please each other as much as possible. Conflict is seen as “bad” in this stage, and is avoided at all costs. You can’t imagine living without this person, so you begin spending as much time together as possible. This is the stage when our defenses are down the most, which allows you to be open to and fall in love. You and your partner are building an important foundation in this stage, so your relationship can grow. There are biological effects as well. When you’re in this stage, your body is producing enormous amounts of endorphins, which makes you feel unusually happy, positive and excited about everything in your life (this is that “head over heels in love” feeling!). This is the stage most often portrayed in movies and romantic novels, for obvious reasons. Bottom line – you are happier than you’ve ever been, and can’t imagine ever feeling any differently.

Stage 2 – The Disillusionment Stage

This stage is also known as the Familiarization Stage, or the Adjusting to Reality Phase. This is where you begin to realize that your partner is actually a human being (horror of horrors!). You get to know each other more and more, and as a result you start recognizing their various flaws and shortcomings. You see your partner in relaxed situations, and you become more relaxed as well. Since your body cannot possibly continue to produce the same levels of endorphins that it was in the beginning, those feelings of being on top of the world start to decline. Your partner’s little habits aren’t quite as cute as they used to be, but there is still enough goodwill from the Romance Stage that you’re willing to overlook them. This stage can start to trickle into your relationship slowly, as you begin to see your partner for who s/he really is. Or sometimes it happens all of a sudden, when there has been some sort of dishonesty or deceit. This phase can be confusing and discouraging, since you’ve just experienced so much openness and connection in the Romance Stage. However, at this stage, your main job is to learn how to communicate and resolve conflict with this person effectively, which is an important skill if you want your relationship to continue.

Stage 3 – The Power Struggle Stage

This stage is also known as the Disappointment Phase or Distress Stage. As the characteristics from the Disillusionment Phase intensify, they become harder and harder to deal with. You will most likely begin to pull away from each other in this stage. At this point, you both still believe that conflict is a “bad” thing, but you are increasingly aware of your many differences. You fight to draw boundaries in the relationship, and as a result even small annoyances become big issues. This is the stage where you define unacceptable behavior, and most couples have occasional or frequent thoughts of leaving the relationship. More and more often, you start to feel like your partner is self-centered or un-caring, or even worse, that they simply can’t be trusted. Deep resentments begin to build if you’re unable to resolve your issues in a respectful and mutually agreeable way. Many couples get stuck in this stage, because this way of interacting becomes normal in their relationship. This is when it is absolutely necessary to learn to manage your differences effectively – to communicate and work together as a team, even though it’s tempting to believe that your partner’s sole purpose on Earth is to make your life difficult. Not surprisingly, this is the stage most couples are in when they decide to break up or file for divorce. However, if they are able to negotiate all of the landmines during this phase, they’ll move on to….

Stage 4 – The Stability Stage

This is a restful and peaceful time, compared to the last stage. This stage is also known as the Friendship Phase or Reconciliation Stage. Some couples never make it to this stage, but the ones who do find that they have deeper feelings of love, connection and trust with their partner. You now have history together, and most people begin to rely on the predictability of the relationship. As you enter this stage, you begin to realize that your partner isn’t perfect, but your personal differences aren’t quite as threatening as they used to be. You’re able to resolve most of your differences, at least to some extent, and you become more confident in the relationship. Some people feel a sense of loss in this stage as they learn to accept their partner for who they truly are, since this means they have to let go of the fantasy that was established early on in the relationship. But for the most part, the deepening sense of friendship and commitment is a good trade-off for those early feelings of butterflies and excitement. This is also when you begin to re-establish your own outside interests and friendships, which were given up in the Romance Phase. There is some danger that you may begin to drift apart from or become bored with your partner in this phase, so you should try to maintain the connection that was created in the Romance Phase. Overall, this is the stage when you finally begin to feel comfortable and happy with your deepening relationship.

Stage 5 – The Commitment Stage

This stage is also known as the Acceptance Phase, the Transformation Stage, or the Real Love Phase. It is estimated that fewer than 5% of couples actually make it to this stage, according to The Relationship Institute. This is the stage when both couples have a clear notion of who their partner is, faults, foibles and weaknesses galore… yet they make a conscious choice to be with this person in spite of all of those things (and in some cases, because of those things). You are no longer with your partner because you need them, but because you’ve chosen them, which means the level of resentment you felt in the Power Struggle Phase has decreased, if not disappeared. If you’ve made it to this stage, you and your partner are a team. You genuinely love your partner, and you look out for their best interests just as much as you look out for your own. Your partner is your best friend. There are few surprises about your partner’s habits or character in this phase. You’ve collaborated to overcome many challenges together, and have grown to accept and support each other without restriction. Your vision for your relationship is in congruence with who you are and what you both truly want. You have discussed your future together – you have similar life goals, and you feel encouraged to define your relationship further. Many couples decide to make a formal or public commitment to each other in this stage (such as marriage) to demonstrate their intention to continue their relationship. This is the stage in which your relationship becomes a true partnership.

About the author: Sarah M. Schultz, MA, CPC is a certified Personal Development Coach in Park City, UT. Sarah coaches quarter lifers (adults in their 20s and 30s) who want to create meaning and passion in their lives by building lasting committed relationships, creating a fulfilling work/life balance, and managing the stress of major life transitions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally, I managed to type all those out. This blog better publish it well.

at 1.15am

Click to read

Warm!

I love the fact that The Boyfriend is always warm. Even in cold concert, cold Ktv room or in cold church. :)
So I get alot of warmth from him. :)
Now, craving for some Mac. I'm hungry

.::What really happened?::.

Today, out of the 10 things I do, I miss out 2 and I make mistake in another 2.

A customer called and tell me that something was wrong again. Then follow by asking me, what went wrong recently?

Am I spending too much time on unnecessary things? Am I being too relaxed? Why things just cant seems to be finished?

.:: This is Life? ::.

If this is life, then it really sucks.

I am sick and tired of all these. Everything is easier said than done. Everyone say and only us doing.

And SHIT. I need recreation. I dont need work on Sundays. As if i have a choice.

I just wanna lament, let me be and I want one day leave! I need one.

I need someone to lunch with me, I need to cry, All these seems too much. I cant imagine going back to studies. I am suddenly so not looking forward to it.

can i be a useless person and not work and not study and just let days pass like that?

Fuck Up

I wanted to...

I wanted to blog about something but I changed my mind

The uncertain future

I shouldnt be blogging at this hour. But still.

I am getting all the wrong feelings in me. The thought of it sent chill down my spine and makes my hands and feets cold. Just like how I felt in the past when something happen. And even the previous few times, I dont feel that way. But I do now.

Does it matter or affect if she was left alone.

Lets see the logical side or the emotional side of me wins.

Enter at Your Own Risk

What will happened another month down the road... I am exactly 30days away from the start of school

Finally Done

Finally done! It was the boyfriend's birthday last Friday and I was just too packed to go and even get the things for his pressie.

Didnt know what to get for him, so thought that a cake will be good.

But... hmm... time doesnt permit. I cant find time to buy the ingredients and no one can help. So it drag till today and I am only giving him the cake one week after his birthday.

I miss him so much now. So much that I am getting paranoid and depressed.

I know I will just have lesser and lesser of his time in the future, even time on the phone.

I am just anal about things maybe but it feels so far away now.

My arm ache from the cake making. Really. Chocolate can be heavy.

And school is starting. And I am sleepy now.

Happy birthday Dear!

Time to get the thing out

It's my darling's birthday but it has been afew crazy weeks. Let's get the things out! I mean his birthday pressie. Guilty.

头发

我仍然坚信，卷发的男人是风流的。

微卷就丁点风流，越卷就越风流。

就只是和朋友的互动而已。只能怪自己没有那么多朋友，也就没有那种互动。

如果还像以前那么紧张，那该有多好。

为什么

对我说话时可以不要那么不耐烦吗？
是我很烦人吧？
也许吧。

有因有果，因是源自我吧。
当大家都少说话时，是因为了解了还是腻了`厌了？

No one knows...

I am hungry

原来这么难

原来这么难。每当我自己独自一人时，我总会想。

The best night and the worst day

Had one of the best night last night.

Today is officially the first worst day of the year.

FU*K myself.

Lost and 02 March 2010

What a day. Woke up early, not really early and before I can start driving, I get lots of calls that stop me from driving. So in the end, I wait till i settled all the things before moving on. Only managed to move off at 0830.

I think it is standard what the doctor will say. I do feel my eyes getting real tired today though. Anyway, I didnt really get alot of sleep last night. Or rather, I didnt get enough sleep last night.
I was almost told to get that stupid eye drop. It is $70 per box. Shall see how.

Going to cut my nails soon. it is getting irritating.

Went back to office, only to realise that the things that were supposed to pass to Lawrence arent in the office. Oh crap.

And I went to Loyang. And being in the mood that I was in in my previous post, I took a wrong turn and instead of going back to PIE to tuas, I went on PIE to changi. Double Crap.

So I took ECP to city and exited at Marine Parade, but I wonder why the drive from Marine Parade took so long. I went from Marine Parade to Mountbatten, to Geylang then finally to eunos.

Amazed that I made my way back though. Thats my day so far. I am craving for curry puff now. And I suspect moothy is staying behind because he want a share of the curry puff

Have you ever felt like there is someone that you feel like living with for life? I felt that and I found it but I am so scare of losing it, so scare that all the silly things happening around me gets me on my toes and paranoid. Yaps, paranoid, thats the word, I think that is my middle name -.-

Sleepyhead

I'm a sleepyhead who miss her bed.
Yawn, I am hungry and tired and not exactly happy, not unhappy, not irritated, not upset, not feeling excellent either, not feeling down but then again not feeling hyped. Tell me what is this about.

Silly little stupid irritating things that were taken into the wrong consideration

Sometimes, I think I am just too anal and over sensitive about all the silly little things, that I know are not logical, but tell me, how silly can it all get.

I am so irritated by myself. so irritated. and so irritated that I even get bothered by those things but I am still bothered.

Why she make herself sit at the passenger seat when my boyfriend is the one driving and why is she the one sitting next to him and not me when we are having lunch.

But anyway, they arent suppose to know.

So stupid right, but not like it matter to anyone other than me. I lost my appetite and just feel like finding someone to sms but that person didnt reply.

Sometimes I wonder what will happen if I dont talk. I think I will be forgotten. Maybe the only thing in common is work, and that I dont understand because there is just this much that I know. Actually it feels like I know alot but maybe sometimes things werent told to me but you thought they were and it is tired to think of things to talk.

I am tired to think of things to talk so I shall remain silent.

Anniversary

This is the 14th month together.

I realised today that the Boyfriend actually cares alot, without letting people know that he does. Now I know. C=

I feel so loved suddenly. Shall be more sensible =p that is the new year resolution. Abit too late to realise that.

And good decisions are being made today. Other than the purchase of the mini, also me deciding to go back to studies and work together!

Cool! Love it. shall release more details only when the things are finalised.

But it does mean one thing, lesser time with Love. Chiong ah!

New Mini

Yeah, jsut came back home from car viewing and dear booked a black Mini. :P hope I get to drive it. I promise I will be careful.

Today when I drove the van up the multistorey carpark at dear's house, it feels good and more easy le. Good, get stuck in more traffic jam and you will get better at driving. I BELIEVE IN THAT!

ok, it is also because I am driving to work in the east every single day nowadays. Haha.

it is a nice new MINI COOPER S, cool. totally love the car. :)

now blogging on dear's lappy. Shall go sgcarmart and see how to sell away the CZC. by the way, anyone interested in getting a cute sports car? shall post the picture as below.


Anyone interested in the above car?

Show encrypted text

Another one

This is just another post

Show encrypted text

Show encrypted text

Have you ever felt this way?

Has anyone been through what I am experiencing now?

I always have this urge to blog about things in life. This sudden urge to just blog and write out all the things that are in my mind. Yet, after signing in, there is just something holding me back from writing.

I think of what I can write, what I cannot write, what I want people to read and realise, what I want people to know. There is a whole list of things that I wanna vent about, and yes, mostly are unhappy things. Just as I am about to type, I realise I have problem structuring the sentences and I have trouble knowing what I should type and what not to type. What should be there and what shouldnt be there

Anyway, I have a way out of all that now.

The 564th post

This is the 564th post. And it is time for me to sleep. -.-

I have this sudden craving for Popeye's Biscuit today when i was driving. And then there is this sudden craving for sweet talk. But actually it is a craving all the while there.

So hope that there is a sweet talk drive thru.

and I secretly hope that people are reading this blog. it is so dead and no one tag.

and i shall go sleep and try to not watch Conan cos my sis brought the video back. And i have the urge to make copies. -.-

This is going to be a fun week ahead. Steamboat tomorrow and mahjong on thursday.

And my dear isnt feeling well now. Hope he recover by the time he wake up tomorrow.

My cny and valentine's day

Things are just like how they were last year. Almost similar. Except that we went to do deliveries on cny eve to various places. And also all the mahjong games that we had. :) I gambled quite a fair bit.

I got flowers and a little darling from my dear. Here are the flowers. Ok. I can't post them here. Please go facebook! :)

Life

I was reading a friend's blog and I almost wanted to drop her an email to tell her that I understand how she feel. But halfway through the email, I realise I am too whiny and that it is best not to share.

Maybe it is the hunger that is making me all cranky again. I am hungry. Afterall, I just had one and a half muffin the whole day.

I think I am just too silly.

Boyfriend

I was driving back to office just now from another office. And I suddenly havethe urge to hug the boyfriend la! But I dint have the chance to.

And now I feel like hugging the boyfriend to sleep cos he always make me feels warm.

It has been a while

I believe it has been a while since I last massage for the Boyfriend. When was the last time I massage his head, I don't remember. But I believe it is a long time ago le. So long ago that I didn't realize that the Boyfriend hair is already that long

Looking at the old photos on facebook. And picture speaks a thousand words.

I should sleep early and let the iPhone rest. but I can't sleep

很想他

很久没有帮他按摩了
It has been a while. And his hair is Long now. That just show how much I have been doing.
Smile! Time matters for things that we do.

This is Life

This is the kind of life that most people are going through. Constant argument here and there. With things to worry about every day. We should just trust things in god and things will all be better.

That pair of shoes, I feel so wasteful. I like that pair alot but turns out i got the wrong size. The money wasted and to nit be able to wear such a nice pair of heels feel so bad. And to minimise that, I keep wearing it as and when I can so that I don't think that the money spent is totally wasted but she don't understand.

Lucky the boyfriend agrees to buying of shoes

Just a quick one

Just a quick one. I wanted to type these last night I suppose.

There are alot of things that doesnt need to be said. There are things that I know what is actually the right way. But emotions always get in the way and change things around.

I need to go back to the me more than a year ago. The one who is good and right.

A cute one

I was driving back alone just now and I realize that someone actually took the trouble to send me home by a long route for a good half year. -.- unbelievable that he really did this. And even more unbelievable that I didn't notice. -.-

Had the following conversation during lunch
Lady "he is reserved for my daughter."
Dear "how old is ur daughter? She still overseas right?"
Lady "she will be back in 2 years after her phd studies"

Then I had the following conversation with dear after the lunch
Me "got people want to introduce daughter to u ah?"
Dear "ya lot, her daughter will be back from phd programme after 2 years"
Me "good hor, got a phd"
Dear (reacted rather violently) "crazy ah, she will only be back in 2 years, by then I'm already 30 leh!"
Me "haha but got phd leh and 2 years only, not bad what"
Dear "haha, ya hor, only 2 years and got phd leh. Ok lor, I will take the offer."
Me "-.-|||"

Haha. Super cute la. That was a silly conversation but it feels sweet to hear and know that he has that thought. :)

I love you!

I feel like crying

Suddenly, I feel like crying. I think it is just PMS. But it doesnt really feel good when it felt like no one cares.

I dont know what I want. That is the worse thing that can ever happen.

Maybe retail therapy will help but things doesnt help when you have no money and no time and no one to shop with.

Love

And it feels like love all over again. :) maybe confidence is all that is lacking on my part

原来我自己怎么卑微

是一个残酷的事实。
为何一切都比须盈满， 为何不能说，说到底，那也是因为自己技不如人。
为何整天只想要一点问候的话语。为何自己说活越来越小声。不知道什么时候会说错话。为何和其他人说话时总怎么开心？还是只是因为我没机会看见不开心的时候？

现在很想躲起来哭。戴太阳眼镜的好处。哭了也没人知道。

还是他生命中的人注定不是我？

Hmm.

It felt like I'm incompetent. And not about the work scope. I think I'm not

LASIK

I did my LASIK today. Yucks. The eye drop is super yucks. Never tasted medicine so bitter before. And now, we had macdonald and now having cakes at mccafe. Going back to sleep more later when I'm back. :) going kl next week!

Loving iPhone! :)

I'm loving this iPhone darling so much! It is so much better than the blackberry bold that I had previously. Like it has a unique human touch and it just make doing all the other things that u do with your computer so easy to do with an iPhone. Oh ya, I'm going to set up a Twitter account! :) that sounds like something fun other than sharing on facebook. :)

I just can't wait for the coming week. I'm going to work hard so that time pass faster and I can faster see my dear and I am going to faster let time pass and go get my LASIK done. :)

That's all folks. Shall see if there is any apps for twittering. :)

Data and SMS

Oh ya, and I realized that I should just email my dear instead of smsing since I don't have enough SMS every month but have more than enough data every month. :)

More posts!

Maybe I will end up with posting more regularly now that I have an iPhone. This is just so cool and so easy to use. And for the fact that I have 12gb of free data. All these doesn't hurt me. :)

Going for a movie alone. Hope to spend some time on my own. Just walk around. And now, I'm hungry! I'm on the way to jurong point on bus. :) shall go and explore my iPhone. :)

My darling will only be back on wednesdy night. :(

Blogging with iPhone

Yeah! I got my iPhone with the help of dear. :) he got it for me! And I'm going for LASIK next Thursday!

By the way, dear went to china. So now I'm alone in Singapore. :) I shall sleep now. Tomorrow is a busy day and I'm hungry now. :) Iphone does wonders! I think it is just like another lappy la! :)

I would appreciate if you don't bitch about me and do get your facts right. Yea you, I'm talking about you. :)

The days ahead and the days that past

当爱情旧了，当他已成为你的世界，他的存在已成为一种习惯。是好的习惯，但是当习惯成自然，那就不好了。
太自然的以为他会永远都在而忘了去守护，太自然的认为不会有失去的一天，太自然的想要要求更多。
爱情让人贪心， 说出来相信吗？肯去承认吗？
虽然有时他所做得未必是如你所愿而感到有些懊恼，但是必须知道又是争吵是要走更长的路。
当你站在你的世界上，随着他旋转时，慢慢的就遗忘了他其实一直在周围，默默地为你做许多事。
去握紧你的世界。

Dont really make sense but this year end is really different for me! Pack with activities and learning a whole lot of new things. And for now, I didnt bring my notes up from the car, because I was planning to wrap Christmas gift. Yet only to realise that I dont have my gifts with me after I finish showering. -.-

I am hungry! I am craving for Fish n Co! I want their Fish and Chips! With cheese!

this is just another of that moment...

...that hurts

Suddenly

Suddenly I miss my dear a lot a lot. How I wish I am by his side now. :(

I spent my last weekend and the first 3 days of the week with dear. 24 hours straight. :( miss him so much now. Shall sleep and see him tomorrow!

My Past One Week

Ok, another confession to make. I officially ended my probhation in driving on the 18th November 2009 with FIVE incident. I broke the rear windscreen of the trajet on the monday early morning.

So sad. I forgot that I cant park the car there....

but anyway, manage to change it. And for the past weeks, I have been dining alone most of the time. It feels kind of great but weird. Great because I can go off as and when I like but weird, because it is just so weird to be alone.

I realise how much trouble it is to be even eating alone. When I have absolutely no idea of where to go and have my dinner to satisfy my craving. And I have this bad phobia in going into carparks. ARGH.

but nonetheless, i survived the week without The Boyfriend and he is coming back soon! Flying in another 15 hours?

Boyfriend went for the Global Student Entreprenuer Awards competition in Kansas City in USA. And he got THIRD globally and The Edge Award. Shall find out what is that when he is back.

Of course, he came back with lots and lots of gifts. :p

Alrights. Time to orhorh. SO that the time that he comes back comes faster.

Staying in office

Can I stay in the office? So that even if I were to wake up at 8.30am in the morning, I will not be late for work.

How to wake up early. I always wake up but end up snoozing my alarm clock, telling myself that I can sleep a little bit more.

And end result, I am late.

Maybe it is a curse

Maybe it is a curse. For I realise that relationship will take a turn for the worse when it comes to times like month-niversary, or anniversary. I mean, thats usually the case. All these years. Even those times when I am with QJD.

But then again, maybe it just so happened that it is always the time of the month. Or somewhere near that time, for me to get so irritable and just gets into a fit because of something.

Things seems to be falling into somewhat like a routine, with me part of it. Blended into it, in someone's words. So well blended in that I can go unnotice.

Was reading the first few posts that I had when I first had this blog. Maybe assurance is the thing that is needed here and not other's confidence. Or maybe, it just get tiring trying to assure someone anymore.

Days can be great, with happy work, happy achievements but at the end of the day, those that I achieve doesnt seems to thrill anyone but only me. And that is tiring day after day.

Days can also be great, with great weather, things going smoothly and at the end of the day, some wrong comment made in a slip of the mouth and thats it, everything blows up and things make a turn for the worse.

Nothing seems to go smoothly these days, even the best few days, small hidcups spoils things here and there. Or maybe, it just spoils my mood only, and not anyone else.

Sometimes, I start to wonder, is it because of hallucination or is it me with hearing problems that makes me miss out on things that were 'said'.

I realise I dont remember. Didnt remember enough. Compared to the past. I was asking myself in the shower. It is because of a different workload.

I know it is because of a different workload.

Other than not remembering as much, I guess one of the most important thing that didnt change is, life hardly revolves around my own self.

It is the same, I am going into other people's picture and their bubble of social circles. At the same time, yearning to bring them into mine. But how to even do that. When I am always the free-er one, and the important friends dont seem to be the kind of friend circle that people will understand.

Feel like crying now. Maybe when the blood starts flowing tomorrow or something, I will feel better.

Is it wrong to plan your time in accordance to someone elses, knowing that you are the free-er one and all that you ever want to do is to spend time with that person? So this makes me revolves my life around others and at the end of the day, realise that the one maybe dont need you afterall.

Or maybe it is all those silly comments about other people being better that matters but I am used to them. Or is it that the passion has die down so much that even the minimal that I am asking for couldnt be match and each day, hoping for those nitty-gritty things seems so ridiculous after so long.

Sometimes, when things are being voiced out and they are not being intensified, it just seems to mean that maybe it is not that important afterall. Sometimes even to say it out feels so bad, because it just seems so redundant on other's part that they didnt even realise that there is a need.

I used to be the world, not yet, or maybe not now anymore. One thing is for sure, it is difficult to feel that kind of joy when you know that things are nicely done when neither one takes part in what the other had achieved. Or maybe, the achievements are beyond my ability to comprehend anymore to realise how great they are.

A frog in a well will be the comment, and to learn more will be what is need to be done. How to plan my time when I cant forgo more time in other people's life, knowing that I am not having enough.

Or someone teach me how to make sure time spent are of good quality and not quantity wise?

Is there a inspector when it comes to how time is being spent?

Maybe I am not talking to God enough for him to tell me what to do. To get him to guide me into his heart maybe would not work after all. There might be a need for the other way round too. Let me get drunk. I didnt drink enough.

A Great Day!

Maybe other than the part that I have to wake up very early tomorrow. Not very early, but the normal timing -.-

I am still feeling very tired. Yawn. Shall go watch video! had a great day!

Too Pro Active or Not Pro Active Enough

Where is everything? Colours.

Tired

Tired. I want to fall back to my books. Reading at other people's life without having to comment.

I should stop buying books. I think a Kindle make more sense. But seems like it also doesnt make sense as according to Lawrence.

Shall see how. it just seems like a new toy, a good toy to have.

I dont want to talk to people. I want to sleep and not wake up. But still I want someone to talk to me. I feel like drinking once again.

Shall sleep and dream of Ice Cream. I want Long John, before I cant eat again after Tuesday.

All of a sudden

Suddenly, I feel so lonely. After a not-so-lonely Friday night.

Had dinner with Yat, Khairi and his real girlfriend yesterday at Lot 1. Long john again, on a Friday night.

After that was shopping around. Saw things that I like but I couldnt bring myself to buy for myself. Counting the amount that I am left with now, how to afford Christmas Present? Got something for my sisters already though. Something useful and cheap. Cute too!

I have this crazy urge to shop, to sleep and to finish reading the book, Mao's Last Dancer. His life is so colourful! So much dance, so much pain and so much decision to make. So much determination that he have, something that I will never have.

It makes me love Ballet, makes me want to get back to dancing, for more ballet. Shall drop by PA the weekend when Lawrence isnt in Singpapore.

There are places, many places that I want to go. Finding the ____________ to go. Not time, dont know what is missing. Feel like meeting friends but I dont want to lose out in something from his life, though it would not make a big different. I dont know how to plan my time for more myself in it.

Im purely PMS-ing. It is totally true, and I totally acknowledge that and I know I just needed attention that I dont think that I deserve, yet at the same time, dying to let it be heard, yet not knowing how. Messing everything up will be the end result.

I want Mc Pancake without waking up early. I want to sleep in. I want replies fast. I want to go Keppel Bay. I want to eat Red Date Pudding. I want to eat Mac. I want to eat more Long John. I want to go Marina Barrage. I want to go Tampines One, though there is nothing to shop there. I wanna go shopping, though I know that in the end, I cant bring myself to buy anything. I want more Winnie the Pooh. I want the Kindle reader so that I can read Ebooks on that thing but it is a freaking 4oo sing at least? I want to have a big big puzzle to put together but I dont know where I can put it together. I want to settle the braces fast. I am in no appetite for food. I think after Tuesday, it will be even worse. I want to treat myself better with more tonic, but I dont know what to get. I want to watch Coco Before Chanel. I want to buy toys for Baby and Carrot, so that Carrot wouldnt bite her legs at times when she get bores with what she have. I want to eat cheesy things. I wanna eat soft cheesy things. I want cheese! I want to read more books but I think I should just save for the Kindle. It makes more sense, easier to store. I wanna play mahjong. I want people to talk to me. Someone, other than work. I hate silence. That is the truth.

We know why the music is being turned up in the car, because the silence seems unbearable. I thought seeing each other everyday is the problem, but not seeing makes things worse. Because I no longer knows what is happening.

Sometimes, I am tired of all the assumption made.

Senario 1:
A: I am always scolding C for wasting those papers
B: Do you think he will even care?
A: I will just keep scolding him again the next time I see him do that. It doesnt help when I am here saving paper and him wasting paper.
B: (Agitated) So does it means you are not going to save paper also?!
A: I dint mean it that way!

How weird can that be. I dont think A ever has the intention to waste paper just like how C does just because C is doing it. I thought A just wanted credit for saving paper!

I just feel very lonely out of a sudden. I think I should sleep. I am sleepy in the day but I cant sleep at night. I need someone to talk to me.

joker

Oh ya, did i mentioned that there was this joke of the day yesterday from a joker? totally. it teased the whole company!

The worst day in my life then

Alright, this post came a bit late. The worst day wasnt today. In fact, today is a good day!

I am typing this post now, only after confessing to the Boyfriend what happened yesterday.

Yes, Jie Yim here had a minor accident again. For the 4th time in the year. to be exact, her first year

Ok, the first time was in Bukit Batok MSCP, i scratched the bumper of the blue van, after it is out for less than 24 hours. Congrats, thats the first, I forgot what was the car plate then.

The second one was when I wasnt paying enough attention careless when I was turning out from office, in the same blue van, but with another car plate then. I overturn and it went on the kerb and i turn it down. Thats it, it tear the tyre and had to be changed. Wasted a hundred plus, close to 2 hundred out from the Boyfriend pocket. *poking finger*

The third time was just sometime ago, I over estimate my abilities. I tried to drove out from an awkward position when I was picking the van back from servicing. Argh! There is a lorry parked in front of me, with a bit of its front covering part of my headlight, and me stuck between 2 lorries. I thought it will be easy, and when I thought I am out, thats it, i did it again, I scratch the back, on the driver side. a long big one, but luckily, when I got back, i realise that it can be removed. So it isnt my paint that came off.

And yesterday! the initial plan was to get someone to send me there, knowing that it is crazy to park in the area that i am going to. But then, something happened, a flat tyre and no one can drive me there. So i tell myself, i can drive there, just look in the street directory for carparks before I go. So i did. And after going in circles, and not being able to find a lot in the open air carpark where it is alot easier to park, i decide to just park in the last choice, knowing that it is actually quite a squeezy place.

So I took the big big car, the Hyundai Trajet into the carpark of that old old hotel. Going in was easy, the slope going down seems difficult, but I went through that in a breeze. When i tour around B1 trying to get a lot, there was no trouble at all too. It is easy to drive through B1. And to my dismay, i realise there isnt any lot in B1. Thinking that maybe i have to waste the money spend on entering the carpark, my eyes lit when I realise the existance of a B2! so down I go, and when i was trying to even make my way to the slope to get down, i had to reverse twice to get properly onto the slope. I manage to do that in the end, manage to get down and parked the big car between 2 walls, which is also the only lot available. Was so proud of myself then man! But that lot is so cramp that even when I let my passenger side mirror go close to the wall, I still have trouble getting down. But still i manage to.

And after everything is done, I went back to the car. Telling myself to not trouble my own self to squeese through the door, I will board from the rear passenger seat and maneuver myself to the front seat by crawling to the front. The trajet is big enough for me to do that.

And then, I tell myself, now, be careful, going up is a lot more difficult since the slope to go up is running parallel to the slope coming down. (Seperate slope but same orientation, side by side).

So without fastening my seat belt, i went off. And just as i guess, after a small bend, i reach the slope. The bend cant even 'fit' my car la. it cant even allow me to leave my car in a position where it is perpendicular to the slope. Ok, it isnt that bad. but it is bad enough. Because, the moment i exited from that bend, i know i cant make it onto the slop without making any adjustment or reversing. So i took extra caution to reverse and be right that nothing hit. Since i scratch my back once, thats the area to look out for. But then, at that conjunction after reversing and moving forward for a set of 3 times, I was more concern in getting the front bumper save. And by letting go of the brake, the car doesnt move forward, i got no choice but to step on the accelarator. ARGH. thats it again. I heard that deadly sound. turning to the side mirror, shit, knew it. And i carefully reverse and after another 2 or 3 times of adjusting, i managed to go up scarred

i dont understand how cars can come into that car park and go out safely. Maybe small cars like a old toyota corolla, old old hondas or old old nissan can get in and out safely. But definitely not a trajet. Ok, the driver's skill play a part too. I think if it is the Boyfriend driving, then it will be a different story le. And not to mention driving a Jaguar in, Not even a Baby Jaguar... i dont think it can come out well. Shall warn the boyfriend never to drive a jag in.

The place was so bad that there is this point of time, where i turn at the time when i usually turn in MSCP, the side mirror on my driver side can almost hit the wall la. So so bad. and even with the side mirror almost hitting the wall, i know my front bumper is still not safe to go up.

Hais. thats about it. so much ranting. but nothing can be done anymore. it is a deep scratch. paint came off and the letter on it, abit too. haix. but the length is so much shorter than the 'scratches' that the blue van had before.

So that is the 4 faithful incident in the first year of my driving. And my probhation is still not up yet! I think it is to 18 november or soemthing. Shall go check that checklist that i got from the tester when i passed my driving exam.

what a great day yesterday -.-

Busy day

That is a brief outline of what my days has been like.

People out there must be wondering what are we busy with... We are busy with a lot a lot of things. Heh Heh Heh.

It is good. Feel so accomplished today, and for the fact that I manage to churn out the reports before I leave office just about 2 hours ago, that is a very big acheivement. At least now I know, nothing much else is due, other than those that I purposely choose to sit on.

Had something unpleasant happened today though. In fact 2 unpleasant issue. One shall not be shared as there isnt a need to. Another one in the morning. I heard an irritating expression from someone. What an irritating tone!

Being good and right and because of service issue, I didnt choose to reply. Politically correct that will most probably mean. But one thing is noted. The tone is different when it comes to them asking for a favour from you and when they are paying you to get something done. EXCUSE ME! Silly.

Thats about it. Names shall not be mentioned. Not like anyone know anyway, but most probably it is clear enough. Alright, shall not go around bitching much about work as that isnt right.

Haha. Enjoying Life! Enjoying Work with Great Colleague! Enjoying Love! Though darling is flying to USA soon! All the bestest though!

Silence

Sometimes silence seems to be the best thing.

You never know when the next statement will be mis-interpreted.

Clearing the mis-interpretation is more troublesome than to even not make the statement in the first place.

So be silent, silent is gold.

How a person can turn out to be like him

Back from Malaysia yesterday night. Had a good time over there though it was a rather tiring trip towards the end of it when it comes to the actual thing. Had a long drive back which gave me the chance to sleep.

Anyway, when I am back at home at night, like usual, blog surf around as what I always do and I got to that blog again. And reading her blog, I decide to go facebook.

Hmm and just as what I expected, someone new is in his life again. On his birthday, she was still wishing him happy birthday, tagging on his blog and in about 16 days, someone else tag on her facebook some happenings that she had with him.

This just means that he got himself a new girlfriend in so little days.

I wonder, doesnt all these means anything to him? He always manage to get a new girlfriend in less than 3 months after his last relationship ends and the intervals just get shorter and shorter.

First it was after me and that took him 3 months and he got a new one. After with her for almost a year, God knows when they broke up, and now with someone new. All these dont make sense. What is love to him.

Sometimes I wonder, is it because of me leaving him so suddenly that make him turn out like that. But I dont think I have the ability to affect him that much.

I remember what other people around him said at that time.
"If you think any one else will be interested in her, go ahead and let her be. Someone with achievement will never be interested in her, will not even want her."

So in the end, he was proven wrong. I remember calling him in December, when I realise I dont know who else to turn to. But I cannot imagine him being different.

He never have the ability to keep girls around him though he have the ability to attract them. He hurts them, just like how he hurt me. Maybe I am not even in the position to comment about what he did for I did something similar before.

How he says to never keep your hopes high, because the higher the hopes, the greater the disappointment.
How he always say that promises are made because they are meant to be broken.
How he always like to say what he want, what he want but he never manage to get them out.
How he always have to wake up early in the morning though he isnt really getting anything out of it.

But one thing about him is different now. Or maybe because that is a new relationship, thats why he is doing what he is doing.

He gave the new girl a pressie for her birthday, and I do know where he got that idea from. That was what I did for him then.
He can be a nice person, a nice friend, a nice boyfriend at times.

I guess I dint really affected him that much, because i dont think i have the ability to do that. How much effort he put in then, how tiring it could be to keep the relationship going then, I can still remember. I guess he needed a younger girl all the while. I am too strong for him then. But then again, that doesnt give any reasons for him to get into relationship one after another.

Just some random ramblings, hoping that things will be better for the ones hurting now. Those dont go away so easily.

A happy deepavali

Did i get that spelling right? oh well... not that i really care. i think i only cared that it gave me a holiday...

anyway, went dragonfly last night. i am firm about something. I LOVE TO DRINK. i love to get drunk. and to be able to keep yourself in control is IMPORTANT! i like that though. i concluded that you need to drink alot to get high to be able to dance mroe happily. haha. so i shall drink more the next time. hehe. :p

hmm. anyway, i drank afew glasses of blacklabel with coke. and 2 glasses of vodka lime. crazy. i think it was the vodka that made me high. -.-

and woke up at 11 this morning, went over to dear's house and went for the malay wedding. then went to his house, wanted to watch Pride and Prejudice but i think that show, you need to be really interested to be able to sit thru it. it is slow and dry and nice. :)

anyway, was feeling asleep and went to The Linear to view an apartment. not the best that you can get around. maybe it is the weather that made me not like that place. or just that i am sleepy and also not to mention that the blood is flowing and making me all uncomfortable. -.-

went back to office, took something, and asked something, and got a reply that made me feel stupid. -.- ya, maybe it is just ME that people always dont feel like talking to. but seriously, i dont even know the head and the tail and i assumed that she knew and saw the invoice already. and it just makes me feel that she dint want to entertain me, like dont undstd wad i am talking about. or rather, dont feel like bothering herself to understand what i am talking about. -.- irritating when you know that you cant offend her.

anyway, went to pass someone something and i asked where we are going and i got a reply that make me so stupid again. of course i know you need to go queensway but how do i know that if you have other plans? or i shouldnt even ask. or should i assume? or maybe i am really dumb to not see something so OBVIOUS.

and then was dinner and the stupid mosquito thing. YOU DO GET IMMUNED TO MOSQUITO BITES. not all people though.



"Some people become so desensitized that they become "immune" to the itchy bites"

thats what the webbie said and my bio teacher told me.

Apparently, when you introduce yourself to a new environment, and obviously, a new breed or group of mosquitoes, you get mosquito bites. over the days and weeks, you realise that you dont feel the itch and the swell anymore. just like when we shifted in to new office or new home, days or rather weeks later, the bites doesnt affect you anymore. simply because you are more tolerant to the saliva left behind by that group of mosquitoes.

i know the point is not about getting immune or not, but how irritating mosquito can get when they fly around.

but the thing is, i may not study alot, but there are things that i know i know. not some gossips that you hear on the streets. i do have knowledge of some kind.

like how fat molecules in your body breaks up into more when they get too fat. they split like cells and making you get fatter easier, because there is more fats molecule in your body to take in the fats. argh. thats difficult to put into words.

sometimes, it is not about me doing it and asking for it even before someone has a chance to do it or show it. sometimes, after waiting for a long time, the thing still dont happen. so about asking for kisses. it works for a few days? and thats all? and now. i just want someone to hold my hands and walk down the street or shopping centre. i dont even know how to place my hands. let them swing there? put in my pocket? fold my arms? but i will think. what if it is not he dont want to hold but just that i never let him have the chance to? so at the end of the day, my hand still hang there weirdly, with me not knowing what to do to them.

me not taking enough initiative or too much.

movies time!

Missing

Alrights, I just finished a whole story book. A really nice one and now going to bed. But I'm missing him. :( how I wish he was here next to me now. Argh! I can see him in another 7 hours! :) that makes me happier. Hehe.

NEW LAYOUT!

Love this new layout totally... cant believe i actually manage to find it... haha

was sharing with dear about the story of honey, bee and queen bee... haha... i feel so clever suddenly...

but i see the need to faster get to bed... my throat is kicking up a big fuss after 2 nights of crazy things.

Love... Can be so beautiful...

Let things stay this way, if not, better. C=

.::I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE!::.

I AM SO TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH HIM >>>>

OKIES, I SHALL NOT POSE HIS FACE.

HAHA. I LOVE LAWRENCEKIM!

that is RANDOM. i know. -.-

i wanna go medi and pedi.... :(

and he is going back army soon :( and and and... i dont want!

*CRYING AND SCREAMING AND KICKING AROUND*

:(

blogging in class

blogging in class, after lunch.
Thats all the strength that i am left with ba, i didnt get the dose yesterday, and i doubt i will get it today.
It is just another 16days to go.
it can make my heart race for an hour more and makes me want more. The silence is killing me. Knowing that it might make a turn for the worse any other moment. And of course, i will want to stick to u.