.::i sensed::.

~*i sensed it*~
~*i really did*~
~*so?*~
~*why are you sad?*~
~*again*~
life is like that... i had a shocking news this morning... i failed my chemistry...but i am
not the last in class... i should be happy about that? i dont know... what if i am
expelled? i dont know... so many dont know in my life...

i dont know why i a doing certain things now... i dont even know what i am thinking and
what i am feeling now...

so what if i caught all those things that i am suppose to catch? how i hope that i didnt
catch them... or was i really thinking too much?

ARGH~~~! stop it...!

it is never my fault... it is yours... if you know who you are... how to tell you straight
in the face to shut up and settle your own problems first? i know i cant do that... i
wouldnt do that... will there be any chocolate milo marshmallow this sunday? see my mood...

i am always not asking the important questions... i keep forgetting to ask those important
questions... those that may just lead me somewhere... but it is all over...

come to think of it... it is not because of that thing that why i am not eating... maybe a
nap now will help...

why do guys flirt? why cant they settle things one by one?

ever tried losing a friend? i think so... ever tried losing a whole lot of friends? because
of someone... or rather... because of your stupid mouth...

this is the start... i am just trying to find out why i am sad... i need an answer... before
more comes along.. i dont want to go into depression... i think i wouldnt...

i thought i was ok... so... i am actually not...

why are there people who just dont give blogs any attention?

~*dont say love*~
~*you cant handle the responsiblity*~
`so r u glad tt i m fallin 4 u?bt y izit u?y is ur status lidat?

.::what time is it?::.

~*is this going to be another sad entry?*~
~*after so long?*~
~*am i really sad?*~

the time to write this entry is not right...it is not the time when i am usually the saddest... i should be the saddest around midnight... not now... or am i happy?

ok fine... i feel stupid... there are just so many things going on... things that i think i know...but i didnt choose to say... i mean... haix...

there are things that i am still trying to run away from... the more i try to say it out to prove that i felt the right thing, the more hope, the more the disappointment... and this should not be the emphasis now...

sometimes... maybe being blur and not knowing anything is a good thing... but i should be happy that i jumped out of one black, dark, deep and dirty hole... it didnt stay there for as long as i expected it to... maybe it is because of the fact that i am just so used to lossing...

who is the idiot who started that comparism?... fine...it is me... i didnt really planned it anyway... i mean it was not me right from the start...

maybe i am not that stupid after all... i didnt make any mistake even now...

i didnt say things that i should not say... i am safeguarding my own rights... that is what humans are like... selfish... i thought of myself first..

but why is it me? i dont know... i want the answer... can i accept what that is going to come?

blame it on my stupid sense... ya... the sense is stupid... that makes me stupid too...

if only i didnt sense, i didnt feel, nothing will have happen...

if only the one leading is not the heart but the brain...

it is so sad... i am just like that... how to sleep at night?

am i suppose to be happy or sad... i dont even know that now...

please laugh at me... or was i really really thinking too much and being a over sensitive freak...

do i deserve this?or was it really just a joke by heaven?

i felt different...

~*smile*~
~*cause you know you cant cry it out*~
~*nothing comes out from your eyes*~
~*anyway*~
~*who cares?*~
~*no one*~
i noe hu is she.i juz din say.is dis still a joke?can u tell mi wad is gng on?can dese end soon?

.::the love theory II::.

~*heres another part that i thought of*~
~*make sure you praise me after reading*~

life exist only because of love...

thats kind of lame...

how to differentiate between love and crush...hmmm...

i think ... when love comes, you cannot really tell the reason why you are falling for that person... but as for crush...there will be plenty of reasons why you like that person...

the reasons are there to convince you to make sure you fall for that person...

hmmm... dont really make much sense...

also, dont give the opposite gender any hope... that means... if you are not nterested in that person,dont treat that person too nicely...

life will be happy...when love find its way to you...

~*stay happy*~
`but guys never learn

.::secrets lies beneathe those words::.

~*why cant everyone be happy?*~
~*if everyone is happy*~
~*no one will be sad*~

come to think of it...maybe it is good to put on an act when you are not happy... act that you are happy... only then, will you not bring unhappiness to the world...

if you are sad and you show it out... your closed friends will be sad... then their friends will also be sad... this continues on... haix... haha...

i mean, it is really true... so believe it or not.. a small tiny smile makes a big difference...

ok... there are just so many more things to add on to the love theory that i wrote in the previous entry... so i should write another one after this...

thats about it.. nothing much to write... those that i feel like writing down dont really belong here... hmmm... haha

~*thats all*~
~*just remember to smile*~

`why is the world turning?

.::heres the love theory::.

~*haha*~
~*someone praised me for this*~

haha... the theory to love and to stay happy... is...

If you have the choice, be with someone who love you and not someone who you love...

Let love find you, and try not to find love...

Learn to not hope, but just predict... without hope, there would not be disappointment...

i think i am so clever...haha...

that will make u stay happy... haha... although not for long...

cause there will be someone who will come along... and you will start falling for that person... and you will realise that it is no longer that easy to...

be with someone who love you and not someone who you love...

no longer that easy to...
let love find you, and not find love...

no longer that easy to...
Not to hope and just to predict...

expect disappointment...
haha

i should remove tat haha...

hmmm... love is like that i suppose...

~*stay happy*~
i oli need replies C=

.::nothing to do!::.

~*haix...*~
~*sian...*~

nothing to do now...so decide to blog... maybe i will continue with my general paper compo later? hmm... still not sure whether need to go school on monday or not...haha...

anyway... sians... lin jun jie rocks...

~*thats the end to ths stupid and meanless entry*~

`thanks for the up and downs...
`i dont need them!!!

.::i am here again::.

~*stupid me*~
~*clever you*~

anyway... got so bored... thats why i am here again... feeling something that is not right that is going to happen soon... haix...

why... why am i hoping for something again...when i know that they can never do it? i also dont know... thats why i am the stupid one...

but i know i am waiting again... stupid...

oh... what was i talking about huh? i dont remember.. haha.. .random... hee...

~*do you know what i want?*~

`i only need a reply

.::i am alive::.

~*will i survive block test?*~
~*i dont know*~
~*i only know i tride my bestest*~

school system abit funny huh... expect someone who failed promotional exams to do super well in block test one when the others around her who did pass promotional exams are doing just as bad as she is...

anyway... i am just so not happy that she manage to move on... i mean i think i put in more effort than her... i think i can do better than her... i think she dont deserve what she is getting for her test...

she manage to get a whole lot of help and that let her move on... she managed to scrape pass the marks... i cant... just by one mark... which i cant find anywhere...

lets wait for the result... i know i am so not going to do well...there will be another struggle again... to stay or not to stay... but i know i die die want to move on... so jiayou~!!! i got a good civic tutor... he will help!!!

ok... today... last paper for block test... i decide to give myself a break and visit some people that i hardly find time to meet up... i met up with yong kee... the cute little boy that i had been spending time with ever since he is in his mam tummy... cute little fellow... he will be a clever or rather cheeky guy one day when he grow up... and he will sure attract a whole lot of girls...

haha... another baby is coming into the family... i mean my auntie's family... she is a family friend... she was our nanny when we were young... and now we are still close friends... i mean our family lah... haha... a nice woman... always knows what a child wants... she will let us arrange all our dolls along the corridor when we were young... we played with doughs... and she made a whole lot of new clothes... not for us... but our dolls... she let us bring dolls out for dinner... she let us buy a lot of sweets... she spend a lot of money on us... next time it will be my turn to dote on her grandchildren...

and she is also the one paying for my facial treatment... i mean that mask thing... she rocks...

anyway... met up with auntie and went to yongkee house... this little fellow having fever because growing teeth... played and after facing the computer for a long time and help his mother print 2331 pieces of envelope cover, i decide to take a nap... yongkee and his mama keep trying to wake me up... trying to find someone to entertain his son bah?

haha... there is this stupid wolf who said i sound like his mother!!! sobs...

heres a nice song:

Down

Lin Jun Jie
I can't believe it

Tell me i'm dreaming

That we are still 'we'

It was amazing

Said you were lucky

That you found me

It was on a rainy day that we met

You didn't have a place to go

I said we just met so lets go slow but no

You just told me to keep you from the cold

Sorry i can't take it

Why did you fake it

Why did we kiss

And i'm just down

You left me with a note without a sound

I figured i must have been such a child

You'll never know how much i've been around

How my heart just frowns

If you're down

I'll be your teddy bear, i'll be your clown

I'll take you round and round and

If you don't mind i could be your standing ground

Even if that means i'd drown

And baby that'll be my one last vow

what a nice sound

haas

`will you be my teddy bear?

`will you be my clown?

`will you be there?

i typed them word for word from the lyrics that came with the album...

hees...

~*did i say that tarot cards rocks?*~

~*i think it is obvious*~

~*did i say lin jun jie rocks too?*~

am i suppose to hope? i dont know...

am i suppose to be very happy about what is happening so far? i dont know...

am i suppose to catch anything? i dont know...

am i suppose to know or am i just ov sensitive? i dont know...

am i suppose to be delighted for whatever that i got from you? i dont know...

.::i hope things are ending real soon::.

~*who started the comparism?*~
~*whos the bad guy?*~

i am starting to think or rather i seem to have come to a conclusion... someone will be very happy if things get to him or her...

i mean i think things should not be like the way they are now... not to say that i have a choice now... but looks like things will be better some other way round... i should put an end to things and not let that word appear here again...

i hope it is not some form of replacement or something... it is not something that i want...

but the comparism did show better things.. i mean they tell me what to do now... and also what i should not do...

the word is banned from here from now on... that very word...

~*i think i deserve more*~
~*if you have a choice*~
~*will you be with someone who loves you*~
~*or someone who you love?*~
~*random question here*~
`things will be ok in the end`
`if things are not ok`
`then it is not the end`

things will be ok real soon...as youu disappear... youu is the banned word

.::nice song::.

~*ok*~
~*i should not be here*~
~*but...*~

ok...my dad is going to china like tomorrow? no body going to send him off...but i think he dont mind as long as he still get to go china~!!

anyway... thank you for getting everything back... although i still feel abit out, things are still going on rather fine...we will be ok soon...

i suddenly realise that there are just some things that are just not worth it... there is no need to hold on to it... no need to be so persistent... no need to be so sad over it... no need to mind so much... no need to care so much... cause no one will be aware of what is just happening...

no one understand why things are just the way they are now... i also dont know... but one thing is for sure... i know how and why... i know and thats enough...

who will be a stupid and hold on to something that has thorns in your hand, grab it hard and make yourself bleed? i am still the stupid one currently... maybe it is time to stop and try to stop the bleed before i die from insufficient blood... or lack of oxygen or something...

here is a lyrics...

明天就像是盒子里的巧克力糖
什么滋味
充满想象
失望是偶尔拨不通的电话号码
多试几次总会回答
心里有好多的梦想
未来正要开始闪闪发亮
就算天再高那又怎样
踮起脚尖就更靠近阳光

许下我第一千零一个愿望(一个愿望)
有一天幸福总会听我的话(听我的话)
不怕要多少时间多少代价
青春是我的筹码
oh~~~
我只有这第一千零一个愿望(一个愿望)
有一天幸福总会在我手上(在我手上)
每一颗心都有一双翅膀
要勇往直前的飞翔

nice song here... or rather it is the only song that you can find in my handphone...

ok... fine... whatever... get what i am trying to say in the previous few paragraphs?

in smpler terms... i am learning to let go... let go something that most of your were never aware of... i mean... i should right? i think i deserve to get more?

haha... dont think too much... things will be ok when it should be...

i mean... things will be ok in the end... if it is not ok then it is not the end...

am i right?

haha

lame...

there are some lamers around me who will make me laugh... i know... haha..

~*i still hope for a chance*~
~*a chance for a change*~
~*an explanation*~
~*although i know...*~
~*they cant think well...*~
~*who will distort this message AGAIN?*~

it is hard to just say what is really happening when people cant think well... i mean... think... let someone who is capable of distorting message to tell you something...

i tried to explain... i know why things are the way they are now... i mean... someone is there... all i need now is a chance for me to explain... i am no longer sad... cause i know i can settle it... give me time... and chance... thats all i need...

.::i am back!!!::.

~*i am back from malaysia*~

haas...we didnt win anything...but i think the greatest reward was to see how political things really are outside...or maybe even in singapore...

ok...also get to see everyone... not everyone is perfect and not everyone is happy with whoever they are with all the time... and i know that that will never bother me for long anymore...cause i no longer belong there.. until after my A level...

anyway... i am still puzzled by a whole lot of things... feel honoured if i bought something for you... and the sad thing i bet is... i tried to wake up at 8 today to study but i woke up at 1... see the great difference?

i will study tomorrow... i mean i have to ah...

hows life for youu? i dont know... but i sense a whole lot of things... i think she felt the same too...just that we didnt choose to say anything... we no longer see te need to bring things out... cause talking about them do not help...

maybe it is time to change?

who is that idiot? get out ofmy life... now...

the one i hoped will reply is not doing what i hope he will... while the other who dont mean anything is doing what i hoped... what a big idiot...

the pants that i bought in malacca... i think it rocks... haha... sunday...

i swear i am on a diet... i have to be on one... i am too fat!!!

A & W rocks... we had 2 meals in malacca... finally had waffle for the first time in my life... i mean A&W waffle la... i have the urge to have one for breakfast tomorrow... that is just what i shall do...

here is something for you all to read... very true for my case ah... i am blood group A... haha...

BLOOD GROUP O
Cannot stand people who hide the truth
Make objectives clear
Possess great deal of confidence
Honest, optimistic and energetic
Strength and endurance depend on their aim
Give up easily if they find the job meaningless
Positive about the past, thus do not regret about the past
Seek financial stability for the future
Usually stable and calm
Sensitive towards sincerity
Give frank, direct opinions
Ability to concentrate vary from time to time, depending on aim
Mostly prefer to lead
Can overlook details

BLOOD GROUP A
Pessimistic and too sensitive
Careful about decision-making
Make things clear in black and white
Care too much about social rules and standards
High tolerance for physical or repetitive work
Cannot take changes easily
Lose interest in a hobby easily
Try hard to forget the past
Pessimistic about the future
Able to display cool outlook even though angry
Short-tempered
Take longer to heal a broken heart
Sensitive to others' opinions
Perfectionist
Handle one thing at a time
Work a line between work and personal affairs
Highly responsible
Tend to choose hobbies which help them release stress

BLOOD GROUP B
Cannot take orders easily
Make decisions fast
Can be flexible
Do not care about rules
Respect scientific and practical findings
Maintain the longest interest in what they do
Seem impatient
Dislike repetitious work
Hard to forget recent affairs, but able to forget past and memories
Expressive
Cool and objective
Although joke a lot, could actually be very shy
Change moods like the weather
Cannot stop complaining when they are upset
Creative and possess new ideas
Cannot differentiate between work and hobby
Cannot take orders
Do not hesitate to introduce innovative changes and are not worried about theirs criticisms

BLOOD GROUP AB
Romantic and sentimental
Extremely practical
Excellent in analyses
Give fair criticisms
Cannot decide when it comes to important issues
Try to be hard-working
Tend to be impatient
Sentimental about the past
More concern about the immediate problems than anything else
Sentimental
Usually cool and steady, but can get upset with an immediate, unsolved problem
Can get moody easily
Able to handle a wide scope of jobs
Value hard work
Quick in understanding
Not highly responsible and unable to follow-up on a project until its completion
Tend to be artistic in approach

cass and christ...take care of your legs huh... dont want can give me... i dont mind having more... take care of them when they are on you... haas...

~*youu still matters*~
~*the idiot leh*~

.::someone please ask me whether i am happy::.

~*please*~
~*someone please ask me whether i am happy*~
~*please let me know that someone care*~

the one that i am hoping is not coming... but somethings that i expect are just coming along the way...

no one will be willing to accept that they are at fault... i am one of them... everyone is like that... just the extend of the case...

when was the last time you ask yourself whether you are happy with whatever that you are doing?

i bet that was a long time ago... cause you are happy with life...there is no need to ask... but i am always asking myself that... always... i am always wondering whether i am really happy... and always trying to dig in to find out whether i am truly happy or sad...

i no longer yearn for an answer... i no longer dare to think so much... i will always try to put an end to my thoughts... i dont want them to run wild... it ran wild just now... maybe even now... i am still feeling lost...

why do i always realise that i interfere too much only when i had done that something?

i dont know why i failed to control things that night although i know that something like that will happen one day...

i am so guilty...so guilty that i just shouted at my mother... so sorry that i am not doing my homework simply because i am not in the right mind state to do them...

when was the last time that i felt like that? cultural potpourri last year... someone gave me a painful stab... sorry... i want to forget...but the impact is just so great... ever felt so bad that you may forget how to walk any time? that bad... it feels like i may lose control over my legs anytime...

no longer sad... i am just disappointed? i am always asking myself whether i am doing the right thing... for every single thing that i do when i am alive on this world... all the time... dont ask me why... i want to know why...

there are just so many things that you have done, but you never want to voice and say them out... cause you dont want people to think that you hao lian... but i am just tired of doing things quietly... ya.. i never wanted returns... but i also never wanted bad returns...

although i know that things that will be coming out from his mouth will never be the same, and never be the truth...but still i choose to tell him... cause no one else choose to listen...

no one to blame...

ever tried standing in front of guys who are about to fight and try to stop them from fighting? what is the bet? the bet is me myself... and the bet is that the guy would not touch the girl... quite alot of times... all the lame reasons i find just to protect someone... although they still fought in the end...

all the things that you all are doing... i never know the reasons... i assumed all the reasons... so in the end i have to back you all up with all my assumed reasons...

maybe you didnt realise or dont want to admit... you all did forget him once... you all didnt realise... i was forgotten by you all also... everyone did... dont claim that you will never forget someone cause that is just never true...

dont know what i am blogging le... the one that i hope to call and feel like calling is not around... maybe my tears will help me... if i cry everything out tonight, everything will be ok tomorrow?

i am always thinking that way... tomorrow will be a better day...

~*do youu know?*~

.::what are people thinking?::.

~*after so long*~
~*i am finally back to the same topic*~

ok... i am bringing myself back to the same topic, although i never wanted to...

i never wanted to think about it... although, like i say, i am used to it, i will never get very sad over this thing le... but i still think about it...

the thing is always there in my heart, it is just the matter with where it is... i mean, at times it is just at the bottom... but other time when i am alone, it just flash across my mind...

i mean... when it is at the bottom of my heart, i never wish to dig it out and think about it... i just need a few glimpse... never abit more than that... cause i know anything more than that the thing will be out...

i mean... but when that thing is out, a few glimpse is never enough anymore... i mean, i will keep thinking about a whole lot of stupid things about it and i will just keep thinking... but i swear i am not sad...

i am so going to change my wishlist...there are a whole lot of things that i want... haha... my birthday coming mah...so... it will be easier for you all to have a target and start saving money for my presents...but you all better go and have a meeting or something to decide who to get me what... haha... clever me...

ok...back to topic... actually most of the time... i just know what may happen next.. i mean i can tell and i can sense... i am extremely sensitive to these things... but i just still choose to act blur... i dont know what else to do... even if i keep thinking about the same thing, nothing much will change right? things will still be the same... i mean... still going to happen the way that he want?

anyway i shall go and change the wishlist and sleep for the sake of the total 3 hours lecture tomorrow morning...

still, thank you to all those who helped and counselled me all these days and months and weeks, especially daryl, zhongyi, da sam, yongxuan, weihong, connie, zhengyu and jeffrey. although i am still like that... it is my mind that cant accept that... i cant change, so... i mean i still cant accept that thinking...so... hmm... ya... i am still trying to change... maybe one day... i will become someone that no one likes me...

~*stay happy*~
~*youu*~
~*yes youu*~
~* C= *~

.::finally::.

~*afew things that i intend to blog*~
~*today*~
~*them*~
~*youu*~
~*but my eyes are closing...*~

ok... i shall start with today first, or rather the past few days... haha... i am totally EXHAUSTED... not just one day and i dont think it is only me... thanks to people who put in an effort to help wih the drums... thanks a million...

special thanks to zhen yu, yongxuan, weihong, connie, xue zhen (shuat zhen), *i feel like putting that name down... ahhah... evil me*, daryl, da sam, zhongyi, and A WHOLE LOT more... i mean i dont feel like continuing on putting more names... i will flood this entry... so your know who you all are... so

heres a BIG THANK YOU to you all...

ok... thanks to all...

sorry that i flared up at the prata shop today... i just feel so BOTTLED up... things end le...but i dont know why i still like that... i just felt like crying at that time... and coke didnt cheer me up fast in time... although i gulp down one can in less than 10minutes... the coke came and i just kept drinking...

things sometimes just dont go the way it should be... sorry if things dont seem that neat... i mean i really dont know where to start planning when no matter where i start to plan, nothing seems right... so why make myself feel worse?

and i think one day i will let EVERYTHING OUT... i really mean EVERYTHING...

haha

await for that day to come...

and thanks to those who gave advice... i mean...although i never heed those advice... i know i should do all those... but i am still in the midst of convincing myself to listen... so... haha... things are better on my side... no longer that emotionally stubborn le hor...

ok...we shall now move on to youu... something short and nice... not replying dont help... i mean if not replying will help, it will have helped long long long long time ago... things will still be the same for quite long...

ok...them hor... i got my reasons... so... it is no longer just me la... it is a WHOLE LOT of people also... so start using your brain... hate me or something i also dont care le... i mean... for these things, i can no longer care...

you all still matters...but i have to think for the future... just hoping that you all will start to use that thing up there and think... if you all can understand, things will be a WHOLE LOT better... the world will be a nicer place to live in...

i am also tired of promises... so no more promises anymore...

ok... i am totally tired... drinking red bull and coke no longer help today... i mean... i drank one red bull and 2 coke...still so so so tired... so... no more... good nite!!!

~* C= *~
~*so will youu please reply?*~
~* C= *~

.::life rocks::.

~*just a short a entry*~

ok... it shall be short and sweet... i should be off to bed soon...i mean i took my medicide...i should be sleeping now... i am sick... i missed quite alot of lesson because of this stupid fever,flu and cough...

anyway... i am just praying that things will get better these coming days...and please peoplel, trust me... i am starting to study... and after the trip to malaysia, there will be strictly no more unnecessary nanhua visits... and definitely no more NDP or whatever shit...

ok...that stupid thing, i hope it will end soon... things will be over soon...

as for youu, i heard youu asking for my blog address... i act blur..youu also...but whatever la... just be happy.. i know youu will be happy... i only need replies... thats all...

~*it is still youu*~
~* C= *~
~*how to let them know*~
~*youu mean no harm*~

.::things are coming to an end::.

~*i dont know where things are going to and how things will turn out to be*~
~*i only know*~
~*one day*~
~*accusations will start coming in*~

somehow i can tell that my dancing life is coming to an end...soon... maybe after this year? i dont want it that way... but it is just so difficult to handle things... like people aer not happy with the way i do things although i think that i am doing the correct things...

somemore people are not understanding why i am doing certain things... they only know how to assume and let accusations set in... i never like accusation... please remember that...

i am always trying to explain why i am doing certain things... but they are forever never interested in listening... in the end i am always telling it to people who having nothing much to do with matters...

maybe i am not doing enough or i am not doing as much for you all... but i think i put in my bestest... i did more that i can do for any other group... i never have the chance to tell you all in your face... that is just so bu yao lian... and please ask yourselves whether you all will be willing to sit down and listen?

maybe i am going into depression again soon? i dont know... and i dont really wish to know... now it just seems better to be sad... maybe that will cut down on the possible accusations that will be setting in soon...

people will start saying...

ok... whatever shit that is... all those stupid jokes... they are already not funny... cause i no longer know how to laugh... go and tell them... bu shuang me or anything, i no longer care... cause i only hope that they will leave as soon as possible... i am making it clear here... i have my reasons... like it or not...

i want the influence to stop here and now!!!... there is no need to 'protect' you all anymore and get things onto my back... i am always like an idiot helping you all to clear things up... no more of that... i am tired... and i dont see the need to anymore...

i feel so not treasured... maybe to you all i dont deserve anything at all... maybe not seeing me will make you all happier...

when will you all start to use your brain? it is no longer about fun and laughter... it is about what the others will think and do... like it or not... for now or for the future... that is just something that you all must learn...

if you all dont change... someone there leave, that makes the end of me... i cannot stay on without some people... i cannot stay on with some people... not me... it is them...

i dont know... go ahead and hate me or bu shuang me... i am just so used to you all not asking and not knowing what i am thinking...

the day that i fear is coming soon... the day when you all start to dont like me... it will come soon...

i am still the same old me... it is a problem with my priority... it is not problem... rather a change... i have to think for the future... i hope you all will too...

those tears are not because i didnt manage to win you in the quarrel... but because the day that i am afraid of... is drawing near...

i am always crying... stupid me right? people say iti not worth it... but i think otherwise...

i still think otherwise...

.::everything in life::.

~*ok*~
~*i am quite happy!!!*~
~*but i am super pissed with someone*~

that someone got something that i prayed hard for... and he not only benefit from that thing, he also gained something that i got... the chance to do something... anyway...the stupid thing is, i got only one thing nd he got two...how unfair can this world get?

ok i am not the only one who is not happy... there are still people out there who are not happy about it... who is he lor... i feel like slapping him...

but so sad i cant spoil the relationship with him... he is still of use to me... evil me huh... ahahaha...

anyway... dont blame me for being crude to you all... cause i have my reasons... accept it or not... i have to think for the future... no choice here... and please, when you all have the chance, figure out how to use those butterfly brain... think for the future...

it is no longer just about fun and laughter and atmosphere... it is about future...

anyway... i am tired...

.::i am really tired::.

~*YEA!!!*~

i am going malaysia before the march holidays for the competition thing!!! so happy...

anway... i am super tired recently... alot of people are super tired... i think especially lao shi... he is rushing here and there la... haix... he is so important to all of us that he cant afford to fall sick...

anyway... just came back from chingay in jurong with nanhua... aun father fetched me home again... and we each took home 10 pizza bun? haha... i think we rock... but i think aun mentioned that shibin brought home 15...haha...

i have decided to blog although i am so tired... so that my blog wont be took dead...

sorry that i am doing what i am doing... but i am just so sorry that i can never help to cover things up like the way i used to try to do... cause i need to think about the future... it is no longer a need or dont need choice here... it is a must to... and out to those secondary 2 boys... i warn your... better control before i lose control of myself... if your think everything is still a joke then go ahead... i will make sure you regret what you did...

anyway... i am so tired that i decide to end this entry here... keep it short and sweet...

hope NHDS like those small little marshmallos... i mean... it is for valentines' day and frienship week and also sec4 last performance... hope your like it...i know it is a bit too sweet.... please blame the milo powder... try to contact milo manufacturer yourself please... haha...

anyway... no chocolate for PA tomorrow... cause my house no more chocolate le... maybe next week ba...

hope that things are going on well for all of you...

it is good to learn to move on... stay happy girl!!! C=

.::so many tings::.

~*so many things happened today*~
~*go ahead and bu shuang*~
~*i think i no longer care*~
~*tomorrow will be better day*~

ok... i have to admit...so many things happened today... i cried again in nan hua... sad... anyway.... if i make some mistake here in this entry, please pardon me... i am abit abit drunk from the red wine that i drink...

anyway... i didnt mean to xia lan him... we will be talking about i tomorrow... so hope things will be settle tomorrow...

i didnt meant to xia lan... how afraid i am... scare that one day he will bu shuang me again... and i know if i dont thrash things out son enough, that day willbe drawing near...

i think it is time to give up on him... so many people are telling me that he is only a tool... cant he just treasure smeone who treat him like a person? i am disappointed... stop telling me to dont care about him... i just want all of your to be together...

i have the urge to tell youu everything today... but i expected the reply from youu... youu will be telling me the same thing...they are just kids...

anyway... let a new month start soon... so i can sms more...

C= this smile still stands for the same thing...

i miss youu...

~* C= *~

.::Hows life?::.

~*oh...i feel like touching my tarots later*~
~*ok*~
~*thats what i shall do*~

life is not that good for me... i still dont know how to stay awake inclass... as in lecture... i keep falling asleep.... and now i have problem typing... i keep typing the wrong things...

ok... mondays and tuesdays are not that happy days for me... but they are the 2days of the week that i get lesser problems...

mondays and tuesday i got hardly anything to do with nhds so i am exposed to lesser problems... tomorrow having PE... 2.4km...omg...

oh ya... one of my knowledgeable friend today, said that all guys have to be able to run 2.4km in less than 10 minutes so that when we are attacked by Malaysia, they will be able to run across the causeway to capture Kuala Lumpur... the causeway is 2.4km long... amazed? i am...

ok... i am amazed by my friend...

anyway... something is terribly wrong with my darling... dont know what is wrong with her... keep skipping her meal... and she is no longer into fruits which she used to like the most... haix... she cant tell us anything... my poor darling...

ok... it is my darling dog, BABY... haha... she dont seem ok... although she still plays at times... maybe she is on a diet or something...

anyway... i am starting to think about the same stupid things... the same stupid things that will never make me sad anymore... it will only make me wonder...

when you cant find reason to why you fall for someone, it will be terrible if your love is not returned cause it is those love with no reason that will last... cause you cant find a reason to not let it last...

i am like that now... how long le? not a year yet... how long will it last? i dont know...

i only know i will no longer be sad about it... cause i am just so used to the way things are... just some little things can make me happy... happy as in be contented...

youu dont know how happy i was that day... haha...

anyway... i am just trying at times to get myself angry... hoping that something will just change... but so sad, nothing happened... haix... so let it be...

there is this poor guy in my class... i am in the same group as him during PW and same group during GP lessons...

it is the whole class against him... so sad... it is like he is such a big idiot in with the way he do things... and he always think he is right... the worse of all he is a MCP... male chauvanist pig... he never trust girls... so i shall never trust him... whatever he do, i will seek for reassurance from other people to make sure it is right...

to get this straight... i dont pity him at all... cause he dont deserve it... so many people had been telling him what is wrong with him but he just dont accept... so do you still think he deserve to be pity?

anyway... i am one of the worst girls in school... i think only 3 of us dares to shoot him directly...

i am evil... i commented him directly and straight in the face cause i know it is ok to destroy the relationship between me and him... he will never be of any use to me... so fan lian jiu fan lian la...

anyway... he is not being gentleman to not quarrel with me... the whole thing is he shut up whenever i say somehting about him cause he literally got nothing to say...

oh that is such a sad case...

did i say i was evil or rather i am evil...

haha... the evil plot is still on... thank you daryl, shibin and si aun... whatever that your have tried to do, it is more than enough... i am happy now... and i will keep myself happy...

anyway... i am evil and i kept doing evil things on him... but i doubt he realise it... i got the hint... i know one day he will not be happy about it and he will start to bu shuang me again... but what can i say? i dont know how to let him know that we are not happy with the way he is doing things...

anyway... i know he will bu shuang me soon... got the super great hint...

ok... i am having chemistry test tomorrow...but i am preparing to fail it... anyway... it is not in prelims... and i amgoing to buy a chem guide book tomorrow...haha...

~*tarots*~
~*youu*~