.::Stand Alone::.

I am back to whatever the way things are one month ago... I no longer wanna decide or choose.

After all the talking last night, while i was lying in bed, i thought that it will be nice if one of them or me get knock down and die so that i dont have to decide.

And it wasnt good to fall asleep with a blocked nose and wake up with swollen eyes.

There are many things that i wanted to say, wanted to share but then i realise that everything that ever came out from my mouth are only right at that particular moment and the next minute, everything will be different le. So i dont want to comment anymore.

And i dont need anymore comments. Maybe its both not love afterall and just plain 坏习惯 that i should change.

& someone important, someone not
% someone comfortable with, someone not
& someone matured, someone not
% someone who saw the kiddish side of me, someone who didnt
& someone in the same world, someone not
% someone i felt like hugging last night, but not the other someone
& someone who made me cry because of a few songs
% someone who made me felt so appreciated that i just feel like crying
&/% one i felt nice holding hands with but just that is being overly protective, one holds my hand only at the right time but just that it dont felt that right or comfortable like the way i held jd or the other one
&/% hoping to faster go home after every 'date' with either one, only once that i dont feel like going home
&/% thought and thinking of both but missing no one
&/% enjoy the life now, but wanting to go back to the old me, so things would not be so complicated now

Maybe these kind of things cannot be compared. How to be with someone you feel comfortable with and yet cannot stand his character or some of his behaviour and how to be with someone whom you know life will be weird and different without him caring for you and yet it dint felt right as a couple?

I always believe that there are things in life that can never be explained... things like Love, you can never explain why you can fall for someone and love him with all your might despite him being a very bad guy.

Sometimes you can never explain why you can love and need someone so much but just something that was missing or wrong.

someone who made up a big part of my life 2 years ago told me, maybe its time to not think so much and just settle down and work hard for my career.

On what grounds can i make the one important stay in my life and how to get the one that i felt comfortable with to become someone that i enjoyed being with?

So now its back to the same thing with something extra, to choose or not to choose, to stay or to leave their lives.

Dont choose, so to stay or to leave.

.::End of 2008::.

So, like i always want to do, i want to type all the happenings in the year of 2008 out... Lets see if i can really complete it.

Moving away from 2007 and into 2008 was a good thing for me, because, if i am correct, 2007 wasnt a really good year for the dragons... oh whatever.. Had a bad experience in 2007 year end and was getting tired of life and the way things are in my life...

The year kicked off rather well, with new year, chingay and everything as per normal. Joined the PA group for their Chingay item and to me, that meant something... although i do hope to join back our own group but it still nice to get the chance to dance with the PA people and get to know people like Munirah...

Then i finally got a new HP for my sister and me!!! it meant alot too, to be able to get something not just for me, but also for my sister... C=

Then on one faithful night, Mr Low called me and drop me a bomb. that is to go china for an exchange programme... totally dint know how to say no and i m glad that i dint reject that...

Went around shopping for formal wear as the dress code was freaking crazy... and to me, it was a chance to go away from singapore, away from my life and to let me find out what i really want...

the forget-how-many-days there were crazy and i met new friends, friends that i missed so much after returning from the trip...

we went to alot of places during the trip and we did crazy things like singing K till wee hours the lasst few nights and i will never forget the BBQ food and the smelly tofu that made me suffer for days... haas

And from the trip, i get to meet someone who changed my life, someone who really took me to where i am now and someone who let me meet another important person in my life.

the trip to china made me realise that i dont need to live my life the way i used to live. i can make changes to make it more fruitful...

I made 3 major changes to my life then, half a year ago...
-I quit my job

-i left him

-i stop going to dance

thanks to him, i got the big big winnie the pooh that i always wanted... the next few times are just time and effort spent on getting Eb ready for ISO audit... Working till 1 plus in the morning and making things turn out well give a sense of satisfactory but at the same time, brought more argument into my life...

when i made up my mind to change job, i got someone who is unwilling to accept, someone who is merely accepting and not understanding because he can do nothing to change my mind... but it all ended the way i want it to...

upon ISO certification, we had a company dinner and that was the first company dinner ever... :) for me... and then i remember whatever that Mr Low said when we were inside the theatre, how he want to go into events since most of us are interested and how i know that it is too late, because i have committed to EB...

i did an evil thing to JD, i initiated the breakup on our anniversary.. maybe he did put in an effort to try to make me stay but him not being able to understand is bad enough... i think i put in all i can for this relationship le... if it is going to end, there is also nothing i can do and i just felt so taken for granted then that i decide it is time to let go...

i spent the night of the breakup with joyce and lawrence in east coast and had gelare at E!Hub while we are waiting for the workers to be done with work...

Then come my birthday, i remember how i was brought to have steamboat in town and how i went home to see a birthday cake. Oh man, at that time, birthday cakes are my love!

I quitted officially on 05 Aug 2008 with many many problems and unhappiness that were not voiced out. For the next 3 weeks, i continue to receive phone calls on questions but i am just so not willing to help... i wonder how i manage in the first place with no one to turn to, and yet she is jsut asking me every single bloody question...

then after working in EB, i met new people like MAK KWONG SOON, Kangwei, Qiugui, Victor, Peter, Ya Oo, etc.

nice people and more friends although some of them are more related at work...

Then came NDP, the last thing taht i ever want to be involved in and i met someone who helped me thru time when i was trying to find someone to talk to. RK Lee. someone whom i last met during NDP, someone whom i still manage to keep in contact with...

After NDP and after times spent in the office, before i got used to everything, Lawrence kim flew off to USA for an inspection job... this was one of the toughest time, where by i suppose i have went thru alot without him and with Mr Kim... how we survived with just mr kim driving, how we survived with Kangwei, and Zhiyan's help in driving... I am gladful for the 2 months that he was away though, it gave me a chance to be independent and truely knows and understand how the company works and i believe that things did changed abit in those 2 months...

But during those 2 months, alot of things happened too... i went for my SSSC course and completed it without even studying for it and during that period of critical time, trying to juggle between work and SSSC, my grandma passed away, someone who never was important to me but her depart made me realise that she actually meant alot... so much taht it made me miss her for months... then came the time after that, was the Industrial first aid course and something i took pride in happened...

I was the only girl in the whole class and i managed to pass the course with full marks in theory!!! some big achievement... haha... totally praised and had a sense of achievement!!! C=

the next big thing will be Lawrence coming back and me passing my driving test with 18 demerit points... and something stupid happened... after applying for my license, i left my IC in UBI!!! freak and i was only aware of it when i reached clementi or something...

crap... and i went back 2 days later and on one faithful day that i drove a new van, i scratched the bumper and pui... argh. it was a new van!!! crap...

then as the days go along, many many things happened that i dont feel like penning them down... not now... the countless times that i end up saying sorry, the happy times, the everything, not able to find a balance then...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! C=

not everything is here but i just dont feel like typing anymore...

.::Up coming long post::.

this year, i decide to post all the happenings for 2008 in my blog and end my year well

it was a well spent and exciting year for me! Will start to type after christmas, after i manage to finish all the prezzie... omg... this is crazy.

and i am broke, no money for dear dear prez. argh. kill me please

OH NO

.::Something in life::.

that was a random title because this is just a random entry that i really dont know what to really put into.

things are going the wrong way now, because of me, i was the stupid one.

there are somethings that i just dont want to explain now, somethings that have not much explanation at all.

.::The start of the Story::.

hi all, i feel its time to share my story of how i got together with him.
Sometimes, there are just somethings that cant really be put into words. We experienced the kind of comfort, ease and peace with each other, how everything felt so right when we are with each other.

There are soemtings that can never be explained and this is one kind of situation.

How things come to where we are now cannot be explained. I think people agreed that someone else really did alot but somehow the connection was not there or should i say, the connection/feeling came at the wrong time.

I remember how i used to look at him with other girls after i broke up half a year ago. How i thought that this is someone nice and treat me good and how we know what each other want and think. Then it came to this point in time whereby i convinced myself that i am not that kind of girl that will attract him and then i grew out of it.

I remember how i used to tell my ex that there can only be one relationship between me and someone else at one point of time. and slowly i grew out of it.

Maybe i am just being insensitive or whatever shit you call that. i can only say, i dint expect all these.

No one will understand whatever that happened that day when we went out the whole day on one particular sunday. How we realise that there are so many things that we agree on, so many things that we felt the same, so many things that felt so right, and how comfy it felt for someone who are going out for the first time.

Maybe he cant do that much, maybe he cant bring me around and fulfil all my wishes or dreams, maybe there are just things that someone else can do but he cant, but then that is not important anymore. at this point of time, the connection felt very different.

Never expect myself to be in this kind of situation, just like in a Taiwan drama show. I know it is confusing. all the 'he' and 'someone else' but whatever la, it is not important. i am just wondering when all the waiting will end and someone nice will come along for him.

Blogging from chalet with my dear dear's lappy!!! C=

.::Days ahead::.

Alot of things happened recently came as a surprise, a shock to me. Not really the way that i have expected it to turn out to be.

I have made a decision, come to a conclusion. This is what i want, I am happy now.

But to those that are affected by our selfish decision, sorry. The harm wasnt inflicted intentionally.

Chalet over the weekend! Looking forward to it!

.::Planning something ahead::.

planning for saturday!!! haha

.::MaMaMia::.

this few days were not bad. and haha. i have a powderful person tagging at my tagboard with powderful english. haha



Thinking about my past and my future. thinking about what to do next, even before this is going to end. thinking if i should.... hmm...



anyway, there is nothing much that i want to say now. there are things going on but nothing should be said. CHIONG AH! AUDIT IN A FEW DAYS TIME!!!



smiles, because things will be ok in the end, if things are not ok, then it is not the end.

.::A quick recap::.

Ok, saturday was a great day. :D

Went to One Rochester which is an amazing place and next was up to Mount Faber with them and we saw this amazing christmas tree that was actually the radio tower.

Next we went on to walk around and reach the Henderson Waves. and hmm. haha. went home after that and when was the last time i slept so late and chat so long on the phone?

OMG. and then Sunday was knock out, couldnt wake up. and still i came back to work. haha. glad that i came back. haha. if not i will die on monday.

wanted to go out drive last night.. but some crazy things happened. the boiler failed a hydraulic test. -.- and -.- and -.- and -.-

.::A small notice::.

I PASS MY DRIVING! FIRST TIME!!!

.::Long post if possible::.

I always start out blogging, hoping that i will end up with a really long post. but i hardly succeed in doing that because i realise that i have just too many things to blog about.

here are somethings that i want to talk about (in brief before i forget everything):

- some idiotic girl who sms me one morning and i ended up in a heated arguement with her
- the KL trip
- the weirdest people on earth
- the boss who is always flying around
- my favourite colour
- up coming christmas and chalet preparation
- my test!

Some idiotic girl who sms me on morning and i ended up in a heated arguement with her
one morning, i was awakened, not by my usual alarm, but the ring tone from an incoming sms. ok, fine.
Look through the sms dreamily, half asleep. couldnt make out what is head and what is tail and pop i went back to my dreamland. when i finally woke up, i look through the message and was surprise by what i saw.

Someone that i once shouted at say months ago, message me to explain that she dint avoid us on purpose, just that she thought she has lost her handphone, but only to find that it is inside her CD cupboard or something. what a lousy lie. really, iz L.O.U.S.Y. anyway, she commented nicely that, if i did not shout at her the other time, she would have choosen to give up on the other performance for ours instead and she emphasize that she is from this prestige school for performers. F.I.N.E. that is just so whatever.

I think i should thank God that i shouted at her. because that made her go away and i dont need to handle her coming late all the time.

And then, just like the usual GAUI LAN me, i replied very guai-lan-ly. i mention that i felt that i wasnt really rude to her than, she did mentioned that i made her felt like a dog. but GIRL, I DONT TREAT MY DOG THE WAY I TREAT YOU! i treat my darlings at home dearly, in fact, i think they are more responsible, more nice, more well behave than you do.

So come to ask me, what have she done to deserve all these. i remember how she was late for her first show, her first time performing with us and how she was late for every single practice and performances that follows.

Thats about all the ranting. and i hope that she will just delete all our contacts from her handphone after returning the costume, becuase i just dont see any chance for us to work together anymore.

The KL trip
Went KL with a small group of people last weekend. when was the last time i went on a HOLIDAY? it was a good break, a relaxing one, with us staying in a 5 star hotel! C=

ok, we made our way to KL in Lawrence's trajet and there was this small traffic jam for about 20 minutes at the Singapore custom, but nonetheless, it was considered smooth and ok.

then we met up with people in JB for lunch at Gelang something de, i just dont remember the name la. had some normal local food that we came to realise were considered rather highly priced.

anyway, we went on and departed that place at around 1pm and we chionged through the highway at 130km per hour or something like that and TATA~ we manage to reach before 5pm and as usual, we got lost in the city just like any other tourists.

But then we manage to find the cool 5 star hotel Crowne Plaza. its like the best that you can ever get with the best toilet ever and we settle down, before proceeding out for dinner at an amazing restaurant by the roadside. There, the one and only thing that spoilt the trip happened. We ordered steam fish and puke, we were serve with fish that wasnt fresh. and that is the one and only bad thing that happened during the trip.

then we moved on to walking and shopping before moving on to the next thing on our agenda, Foot Massage. and we came across this shop at Jalan Bukit Bintan that has fish spa and foot massage. it was a great experience with the fishes nibbling at your feet. haha. i can say i was literally about to scream. and rarr rarr, the fishes seems mroe interested in the guys smelly feet rather than mine, maybe mine smelt too nice. C=

haha. then after the foot massage, we went back to the hotel and was considering if we should go to the local clubs, which we end up deciding against the idea. and we went back to bathe while some of them met up with their own friends for clubbing.

then the 3 of us, Lawrence, Mak and I, went out to look for food. -.- and after supper, we decide that it is time to rest and woah, it was already 3am then! haha someone had to sleep with steam turbine or something. haha.

had another bet and hope i win the bet this time round.haha

then the next morning was an early breakfast at the 5 star hotel. cool! haha. then we went off to explore the hotel and the guys decide that they want to go gym. so we made our way to a departmental store, i forgot the name le la. the big one with roller coaster in it de. their idea was to get sports shoes but end up shopping for me. so it is me, and 2 guys shopping for MY clothes. crazy~!

and then we went back and had a coffee at starbucks before checking out. we got a shock when we were about to move off because the wheels couldnt unlock but it did in the end. C= and this time round, we took an even shorter time to get back.

haha. achievement but dangerous. haha

and another great meal at Jurong before coming back to office to finish up report.

The boss who is flying around
and yes, i have a boss who is always flying around. not a good thing, but not a bad thing as well. hoho. anyway, after a 2 months voyage, my boss is back and after being in Singapore for 2 weeks, he went to China Shanghai for about 3 to 4 days and he will be back tomorrow before having to fly to some other place again.

My favourite colour
I just confirm and acknowledge that my favourite colour is RED. and after 49 days without red, i am now back to RED. my grandma pass away 49 days ago. =C

Up coming chalet and christmas preparation
I bet my cousins will feel like killling me but i dont want to miss a company event! there might be a celebration on the second day of my planned chalet. i am still in the midst of planning but i suppose that date is the best day for the company christmas celebration also.

and i had thought of a brillant presents for the workers. -.- haha. as for the rest, wait till moolahs come in.

My Test~
My driving test is coming. i am going to convince myself that i can pass. i can pass de, just have to put in extra effort. and i am super broke now. oh no.

The weirdest people on Earth
ok, refering to a few people and i believe i used to fall into this category.

How can people put in so so much into a relationship and give up so much for their yet-to-be-other-half? the only reason is L.O.V.E. and that makes me have one conclusion, L.O.V.E. make even the very normal people into the weirdest person on Earth.

like i used to believe, there will always be one party that will forever be giving so so much and the other half taking mroe than they should. nothing is wrong about that but like any other thing, there is always a limit to this kind of things.

one day, the one giving nothing more to give and the one taking will find that nothing is enough.

so it will come to one question, did they love each other? yes, they did and they are still loving each other now, just that they are loving each other at different level with different methods.

只是爱与被爱的比例, 不是爱或不爱的问题

i used to love the song 生命中不可承受的轻 now, i still keep it in my mind.

i remember how much i use to spend on him, time and money. but it is all over. thats it.

sometimes moving off is better.

Thats all folks, although i dont know got anyone read my blog or not. -.-

.::35 days ago::.

it all happened 35 days ago, and yes, i am still thinking about it.

on a lighter note, my boss is in Singapore waters le. finally he is back.

C=

I need my mahjong session!!!

Faster finish exams!!!

.::Hide Me Away::.

I am tired and exhausted all of a sudden. Maybe because i suddenly realise that there arent much goal for me in life at the moment. or maybe i am just tired of the lifestyle now. hope i feel better after the holiday.

Yesterday night, wanted to Mahjong but reckon that i better dont go in case i get barred from there forever. and people are out enjoying dinner with their families but me, alone at home, eating corn flake and watching tv, ALONE. then daddy came home. asked if he wanted a drink but i realise he is as usual, drunk, and started to haolian about his red wine at the door while taking off his boots and smoking. so argh, i gave up the idea of drinking with him.

then after contacting the usual guy, i realise another really really drunk guy. CHO KAI SIANG. he is drunk like dont know what la. Apparently, he is in camp, drinking. hmm. and he had a shot of whisky, and 4 cans of beer before the first call that we made. then by the time i called him for the second time, he sounded more drunk and i realise he had about 5 cans le. -.- then during the last call, he hang up without finishing whatever he is trying to say and can tell that he totally cannot make it le.

then met up with Lau. savior lor. really. haha. went out for supper or rather, my dinner. had wu xiang. but i am just so bored with life la. after eating, went to 7 eleven. I WANT TO DRINK! so i got a bourbon coke. so sweet. -.- ok, maybe that will be the last time i drink that. but its still ok, other than being too sweet. Lau end up not drinking anything. -.-

then walk to the park, talk and talk and then jiu go home le. sian. go home, attempt to do cross stitch. i feel so lousy, only 275ml of 8% and i feel abit tipsy but i manage to get home and get a good night sleep.

this morning, i woke up and i stepped into a puddle of urine in my room!

Poor Carrot, apparently, my sister let her into my room and because today is a Saturday, no one wakes up early so no one open the door for carrot to go out at around 5 or 6 early in the morning so she couldnt go out to her loo. My parents heard scratching and knocking early in the morning but they dint open the door for her, cause they dint expect that she is inside. and according to my mama, when she woke up to charge her hp, carrot stop all the knocking and scratching, maybe she thought my mama will open the door for her. but no one did! and so she urinated in my room at a corner that would not dirty anything. poor girl.

so no one bear to scold her. and for this afternoon, i dont know what i should do

people ask me go out, ask me go dinner, ask me go zoo, ask me go mahjong, ask me go chit chat. but i dont know which one to choose so i rejected all. i feel so bad. but i am feeling tired. i think i need a sleep and i am feeling weird now.

things that happened during the funeral kept coming back to my mind. something that i know i should stop thinking. was talking to my mama that day. i asked her if she got think of her. it has been a month. how is everyone coping, i dont know. life still goes on. we like it or not, it still does. she is no longer there and there is nothing we can do about it.

i remember how she look at the hospital during her last week and her last moment, how she can still joke with us and how she want to play mahjong, but fear kept her away, how she struggle at the last fewhours, how she cry, how red her eyes were when we asked if she was waiting for her sister. how everyone crowd around her, taking turns to see her, talk to her, how my uncles and aunties kept trying to tell her to go on and move on after seeing how she struggle. i remember how some of my auntiees and cousins cried the moemnet she is gone. i remember how everyone walked out when i came back after sending an old lady downstairs. i knew something was wrong. i remember how i went down to wait for another auntie and how i came back to see no heartbeat. i remember how we were told to not cry, i remember how we stood at the corridor and decide on the funeral, i remember how i rush to Batok the next morning, how i rush back to work and then back to batok again, i regret not getting to see her, i remember seeing her hand from afar, i remember how she look in the past when she is still in the pink of health. i remember how all the cousins got together, i remember how we work together those nights, i remember how we took turn to do things, how we get together to gossip, how we did all the rituals during the last night, how i cried, how people start to cry, how i cry and how the guys tried to stop us from crying, how we still work, how we went early the next morning, how we did what we could again for her, how we gather around to see the house, how we went through rituals again and how everyone start to cry again, how we try to not cry, i remember the moment the coffin was raised by the guys, i remember how everyone broke down. i remember how we walked and how cousins are worried for their mama, how i tried to look after the kids, how we walked and board the bus. i will always remember the route that we walked. how we still can talk and joke on bus and how tired some of us were that they fall asleep.
i remember how the place look like, what we did and i remmeber seeing the tears in the eyes of my cousin rolling, someone always happy and full of jokes, i saw those tears, i remmeber how we then move off to the viewing gallery and how the coffin was pushed in, how everyone start to cry again and i remember how that bloody idiot auntie start to take picture. i rmember how everyone walked out, threw away our socks and took off the things that are suppose to be taken off, how we wore our shoes and how we board the bus again. i remember how emo i was, how irritated i was then on board the bus, with the driver and someone's friend HAPPILY CHIT CHATTING AWAY! i remember how irritated i was, i remember how the few of us on the bus remain very quiet. i remember how we washed ourselves after reaching batok, i remember how we climb the steps up to the hosue and how we prayed again for her to come back to her new house, i remmeber how we went doen and have lunch and i rmember how everyone is ok with everything. then i remember seeing my tired parents at home and i remember playing with my cousins that night, and i remember how emo i got towards the end, cos i realise, everything is over, and she is really gone.

i will remember TTSH forever and i will avoid Novena, cause the moement i go there, i will remember that TTSH is nearby and i will remember i lost my grandma there before.

the one who hardly dotes on me, the one who came over and took care of me the old chinese way when i was very very sick, the one who took me to the hospital to see my cousins when i was young, the one who came to my house and taught me how and where to sweep, the one who came to my house and taught me how to mop, the one who came to my house and kept away all my soft toys, the one who took us and compared with our cousins, the one who i call ah ma, the one comes and stay with us for a few weeks and i remember how she always like me to be home cause i will talk to her, the one who cook nice sweet potato leaves, the one who cook nice but oily food, the one who my doggies likes to play with, the one who have a smile that has only one tooth, the old lady who have difficulty in biting but still bite, the one who gave birth to 18 children, the one who gave me a big family, the one who gave me so many cute cousins, the one who came over and stay during the last newyear, the one who made my house crowded during the new year, the one who dont like to sleep at night, the one who never like to admit that she is tired, the one whom i tried to do an address change for, the one who i missed. dearly.

This is Life.

.::TODAY IS A FRIDAY! OMG::.

OMG~! TODAY IS A FRIDAY!!!

and jieyim is one happy girl because today is a FRIDAY! although i am abit sad that i still have to work tomorrow

but it is still ok, at least the weekend is coming and i have yet to give LK whatever that i should. oh no!

JIE YIM, YOU SHOULD START TO WORK!

I troubled someone yesterday night. for someone staying in Jurong West to send me home from Jurong East.. OMG. so mafan but still feel grateful, if not i will be totally drenched.

Had my Occupational First Aid Theory Paper yesterday. haha. i like the instructor! ok, my sis will say that i like being praised la but i believe i was praise because i was good also.

I proved myself, its not because he is biased or something, i have the capability, i manage to get 30/30 for the theory paper. haha. actually i expected that d=

i think some people will feel like whacking me now. but haha. i dint even study and i know i wun fail.

hmm. this goes to proof something that my sister said, i am actaully cut out to study de. but hmm. i choose whatever that i am doing now. if i could turn back time, i will choose to study. but i dont regret also. hmm. contradicts but iz ok. I HAPPY JIU HAO! HAHA

i want to MAHJONG! but then i think i should find time to start studying again. OMG. my accounts are going down~ down~ down~ down~. haha

and oh ya, my kaki sick, and having exams. -.-

Enjoying Jay's new album at the moment. and i have to say, i really enjoy 花海.

花海

静止了 所有的花开

遥远了 清晰了爱

情侣们 爱却更喜欢

那时候 我不懂 这场爱

你喜欢 站在那窗台

你好久 都没再来

彩色的 世界染上空白

是你流的泪晕开

不要你离开 距离隔不开

思念变成海 在窗外进不来

原谅说太快 爱成了阻碍

手中的风筝放太快回不来

不要你离开 泪已化不开

经历的阻碍 我在等待重来

天空仍灿烂 她爱着大海

情歌被打败 爱已不存在

你喜欢 站在那窗台

你好久 都没再来

彩色的 世界染上空白

是你流的泪晕开

不要你离开 距离隔不开

思念变成海 在窗外进不来

原谅说太快 爱成了阻碍

手中的风筝放太快回不来

不要你离开 泪已化不开

经历的阻碍 我在等待重来

天空仍灿烂 她爱着大海

情歌被打败 爱已不存在

TATA. Thats all. haha. i am hungry. MUM MUM TIME!

.::Even if no one reads::.

I just realise no one read my blog, or maybe the people just dont tag cause i dont reply.

hmm. anyway, that is not really important.

This morning, i went to The Revenue House for a briefing on GST.

Not that i dont what and how to claim GST, but just that i HAVE to go.

anyway, i start to not like the place. even going pass that place, i dont like.

things happened a month ago. i cant imagine she is really gone.

and i just realise something last night

My uncle seems to be the owner of the Ten Dollar Club. -.-

你看到了吗?

我们都过得很好

我们没有吵架

笑着想你

你过得好吗?

开心吗?

二十八天了

我还是会想起你

我还是舍不得

有时还会想哭

我想大家都是这样的活着

不断地想起你

谢谢你留在我的记忆里

.::Thinking things through::.

Hmm. Something not really pleasant happened yesterday night and it made me thought through quite alot of things.

Someone called me during lesson and me happen to pick it up. then we had the following conversation:

Girl: Oei, i saw your daddy leh!!!
Me(during class, and speaking damn softly): Orh, i having class.
Girl: I dint see him at the usual coffeeshop leh, i saw him at another one.
Me(still speaking damn softly): Orh, i having class.
Girl: You guess which coffeeshop i saw him?
Me(starting to get irritated, still speaking damn softly): I having class!
Girl: Orh, why having class? What class?
Me end the call aruptly.

ANGRY! BLOOD BOIL CAN?!

Ok, i should not even have picked up the call in the first place.

But this is freaking irritating! How can she be so irritating.

hmm. then when i was walking home, i thought through everything that happened and the weather is nice, small drizzle, real small droplets of rain drop.

I used to think that she is a poor little girl because her sisters dont really treat her well at home and i know ultimately, what she needs is just attention, something that she need endless amount of but her sisters and people living in her house are in no ability to provide her with.
Then i start to realise where her limits are or rather, i realise she have no limits to the need for attention.

Then the fuse start to get shorter and shorter but still manageable.

Just like another Boy, i was telling the brother to give him more attention cause that is what he need also.

But i always tell them, who am i to tell them what to do, they are not my brother or sister. and this make me wonder, am i a good sister?

I know i wasnt there for them the past 2 years but now i am. I know i was just a spoilt brat for the past 2 years but now i believe i am not. so am i a good sister or not? hehe.

Someone told me to heck care her but come to think of it, i still think she very poor thing, no one want to play with her, etc. and even if she was the one who manage to convince us to go over and 'play' with her, ultimately, we will still cast her aside when we start to mj or do other things.

Am i suppose to blame her for her young age? or should i just blame myself for picking up that bloody call? but anyway, its really a SMALL thing la. i just feel so bitch and xiao qi blogging about it here.

anyway, hoping to enjoy whatever that comes along in life but for now, i will continue worrying about what is going to happen at home.

Apparently, my mama forgot to turn off the gas this time round, although the gas is finished, but you never know what. she also damn DOK KONG can? last time forget to turn off the slow cooker and it made me think about it for hours only to realise that it is switch off already. and now this. -.- wth.

OH YA! I wanna go shopping!!! =C i need a new bag BADLY.

ok, wednesday will be the day that i will shop. d= shhh...

hmm. what can i say? sometimes somethings just arent meant to be. my sister asked me about him last night. something that surprised me anyway, everything is over. C= and i am a happy, loving soul now! C=

.::My weekend::.

The weekend was rather well spent. Other than mahjonging and playing around, it was a nice time for me to start everything all over again.

First, Friday night, was suppose to go swimming but oh well, was pangseh by people and end up just laying around in my cousin's house.

I totally forget what we did but i know in the end i went home without nothing much done after the guys come back.

And i spent the night doing cross stitch. something nice and relaxing and not much brain cells exhausted in the process.

Then it is work the next morning as usual and i swear i look like a panda. After working and driving for 3 hours, i went home for a good sleep in the living room. haha.
When i was about to fall asleep, my dear mama called and she mistook me as Ah Chun~!!! WTH. but anyway, after i end the call, i saw my darling Carrot enjoying her sleep on my pillow and pui her. even after me putting my head on her body, she still dont want to move away. rarr~!

but anyway, i went over for my Mahjong session with them as usual and after one whole round, we decide that maybe it is time for dinner at 9 plus. haha. and to think that we actually walked all the way to Lot one for fast food and in the end settled down at KFC.

hmm. i was extremely loud on the way home as usual.

AND we played till 1 am in the stuffy kitchen. -.- with Ah Pui being the entertainer and making everyone laugh.

and then Sunday was to driving lesson after sleeping till noon and then to Kallang for dance. (will touch more later) and then was back to their house and SEE them play mahjong. ~!@#$%^$%^&*
then was dinner at 10pm and then we went home.

hmm. i forgot when or where but i realise that i am missing her more than anything. It has been 20 over days and i am still feeling something whenever i thought of her.

i never know that there will be someone that will make me feel this way other than him. she is someone where, happy, in the company of the others whom she have always missed.

Someone told me that there is actually something that we should not have execute a few years ago. it just lead her to her end faster. but anyway, everything have come to an end, and i believe we are all enjoying whatever that she had brought for us.

Her death bought us closer. she let us have the chance to interact and play together and work together and until now, unlike in the past, we are meeting up more than once each week.

Whatever that is happening now are things that i used to believe as something impossible but it is all going on well now. i hope to make everything last.

and then went back to dance. there are things that it is difficult to put into words for others to understand. i am not heartless, and sometimes, it is just a matter of choice that made me choose to do something and not the other.

it is not that the passion is not there, it is just plain tired of things and nothing that i do can change things so sometimes running away seems easier and better, for me.

Nothing much about work these days as the market is really quiet.

however, time pass rather fast today as i do out all the invoicing and stuff.

i enjoyed it when there is alot of work! C=

Enjoying my Uncle Quaker Baked Apple Granola Bar after a busy morning and Jieyim is attempting to go on DIET!!!

It is not really a boring life now. it is just an excuse to get more attention.

i have interesting foreign workers in the office, maybe other than 2 who likes to stare at me. -.-

EMO-ing when i dont have anyone to sms.
EMO-ing when i have nothing to do at work.

it was a good time spent and hmm, dun bring the hopes too high.

.::HAPPY YESTERDAY::.

haha. had a happy day yesterday. lets list them out one by one. C=

Early morning, i was kept rather busy. or rather, i dont remember whatever that i did. then came the call telling me that the new workers will be coming in. haha.
after that, everyone came back and they start to clean up the place. its great to see all of them working together, maybe other than a few of them that i dont really give a shit to anymore. the rest joke and play through everything and i like that kind of feeling! and they tried to reorganise everything yet AGAIN.
i predict EVERYTHING will be in a mess in less than 2 weeks. ahaha.

then i made a call to Absolute Kinetics and i got the good news! i passed my supervisor course! haha. HAPPY! C=

then some stupid jokes were been shared and HAHA. something about me going into a tank and coming out only 1 week later. -.-

and went on to briefing and we were talking about safety about looking at where you are walking and not fall into a manhole or something. then the stupid tank joke came up again.
and we are been constantly reminded about kumar and his $150 fine. haha

then went off for my first aid course. haha. CPR was scary because the instructor was very angry.
but when it is my turn, i was praised for knowing my procedure. and it feels great when you are the only lady there. i feel that the instructor is biased though

then while the instructor is concentrating on the other's CPR, we tried out our bandage and when i have done mine, and showed to the instructor, i end up looking at other 'classmates'. then was guiding them until the instructor direct them to me, for me to teach them how to hide the fingers in.

okok. haolian haolian.

wadever.

then i had a pack of fries when i was walking home and MAN, that spoils my day! the fries are rather undercook and i had a bad time biting them. but i finished it nonetheless.

someone told me 'you seem happier with your new job' and i said yes, i am really happier.
and we went on to talk about some blur people that i choose to not mention here. YES YOU ARE BLUR.

who can i turn to to let them know that i am not like that? now i know what kind of person you really is. i should have thought all this through a long time ago.

and i caught the hint. and i think it is all getting obvious.

i went to ah ma house. and hmm. its 21 days le.

.::BLOODY HELL::.

I was reminded of someone very damn bloody irritating.

Someone idiotic and stupid and yet still wanna run a business. you can go die.

No names will be mentioned here so dont ASSUME that it is YOU. if you do, then, thats bloody your own problem.

Do you think some meals can buy me over? i caught the hint a long time ago just that i choose to not give any response to it. so what if your volume dont need to employ someone to handle the document?

that is still ok. but some asshole actually came to me and tell me,
'erm, next time got people call, ask them nicely, see whether they want to leave a message or something, dont let them feel that there is no one from the company in the office'

Bloody f. but that is the fact right? how am i suppose to hide that when i really dont know how to handle YOUR documents and help YOUR client? you dont pay for MY salary and you dont even bother to pay for the rental just becuase my boss is out of town!

@~!#$%^&*(

really got nothing to say.

ok, so here i confess, i was giving the extremely-heck-care attitude when it comes to picking up YOUR incoming calls. because to me, that is something out of my job scope. and who are you to tell me what to do. maybe i will listen to you if you bother and can offer me a higher pay. but i doubt that day will come in the near future.

oh my goodness. this is all so obvious. but i dont give it a damn.

.::OOPS::.

OH NO. maybe one day i will just die in the office. hmm. i should try not to make the workers hate me. haha. but thats a tad bit difficult because jieyim can be VERY IRRITATING.

especially when she is PMS-ing, like now

hahaha. hmm. life last night was great! MAHJONG MAHJONG MAHJONG! Win like siao but hmm. no money come in because no money was involved in the first place.

hope i dont get exposed someday. but i predict that day is coming and that is tomorrow. =C

i am still coughing and my nose is still block. because i stop taking medicine MAHS... of course la. hmm.

hmm. and something to note, my boss is still not back yet. hmm. lets hope he will be back by the 18th.

... oversensitive is a problem. thinking too much is another problem and hoping for alot is a big big problem.
sometimes i am just contented being around, there is no need to be there all the time. thinking of different ways to start things up knowing that everything will end someday. although i hope that nothing will end at the end of the day. i always tell people things will be ok in the end. so who will tell me that things will be ok at the end of the day? i need assurance as usual. that is my big problem. and i am just like that. how to change the mind of someone and hint that everything is possible. OMG.
DIFFICULT, NEVER
lets hope that someone message me to entertain me later. C= HOPE

okok. i have CPR class tonight and i have yet to memorise the procedure. RARR

.::HELLO::.

JIEYIM IS HERE TO BLOG AGAIN

more and more people are not picking up my calls le. and its making me sad. hmm.

but anyway about my weekend, it is rather well spent la.

haha. i was suppose to go my cousin's house on friday night but seeing that it is my dad's birthday and my mummy will be at home, i said no to her AGAIN. i think she sad sad de.

hmm. went to enjoy our free sundae from Swensen and we met this super familiar manager that i suppose was my nanny's niece or something. but anyway, thats not important.

i crave for brewwarks' cheese sticks. they are the best. oops. i am not sure if i got the name correct. haha. iz that pub next to Igauna. C=

anyway, the cheese sticks at Swensen was DISAPPOINTING and yucky.

went to walk around in NTUC and also attempted to get shoes but everything FAIL!!!

we went to the pet shop thinking of getting a new dog for ME. and we end up buying a dried piggy ear for Carrot. it is really dried PIGGY EAR!!! at least thats what the shop owner claim it to be.

it was suppose to last long but our naughty clever dog finished it in less than an hour.!!!! we couldnt believe it and even resort to searching high and low in the house for it.

oh ya, after the pet shop, we were comtemplating if we should walk home. haha. but ultimately, due to some shit personal reasons, we end up taking 190 home. so be it.

upon reaching home, i also forget what i did.

on saturday, i chiong to quite a few places. -.-

i went to work and after that, my boss drove me to the stadium at Jurong West. haha. i passed them the PSP FINALLY. and we went to jurong point after that.

i was darn drowsy from the cough medicine the whole day or maybe i am really just tired. haha. and after having lunch with them, i took 172 home to cousin's house. haha.

i slept all the way and walked dreamily to the block. and downstairs, i happen to see Ah Huat and this time round, i din overshot the unit. -.-

had dinner at their house before going out to get sweettalk then to play badminton..

had a crazy night. really crazy. crazy beyond description. haha.

and after a long night, we went home and i attempt to watch the documentary but the medicine make me doze off every now and then. so no choice, bamb. i sleep like a pig after that

should i go to class tonite? hmmm...

why are things the way they are now? -.- =C

looking forward to chalet!!! C=

ohya, the tap in office just leak again and the guys just came back from van pushing. the van and lorry are taking turns to break down. OMG.

oh ya, i dreamt of her again. this time round, puking blood and very sickly in the bed.

SICK SICK SICK

that has been on my nickname on MSN for quite somedays le. and it is being mentioned in the previous entries for MANY MANY MANY times le.

argh. i am not getting any better. hmm.

i am so free now, AGAIN. hmm. but i believe later things will be very chaotic. haha. i shall go try to see if the dvd are in good conditions. C=

oh tonight, hmm. its lao bei's birthday, do you think i will get to meet the not-drunk-him? haha. i doubt so.

thinking of going over to grandma house to bai bai. hmm. maybe i should, or maybe i should bring and ask the others to go along as well.

hmm. something STUNNING happened at work. oh my goodness, cannot image they are THAT childish. no other words to describe le la. really BUAI TAHAN.

byebye. thats all i can tell the person and we shall see what will happen to the company.

poor partner of his. trying to cover up for him and got himself into deep shit also. oh no.

hmm. we shall see. hmm.

TOMORROW~! WHEE~!

should i get off tomorrow to go to the docs? or maybe i should go in the afternoon? all this is killing me. argh.

did i mention that i have a funny mama?

Case One:
Mei and mama went into the new lift.
Mei pressed 5th storey
Come out from the lift at 5th storey.
Mama: EEK! how come look so different? How come we are at 5th floor?!

Mei: Its the new lift ma!

Mama: The new lift can reach 5th floor meh?!

Mei: ...

Mama: OH...! HAHAHA


Case Two:
Me, Mei and Mama sitting in the living room, discussing about my cough and flu.

Me: The instructor at the first aider course say maybe i am down with Upper Respiratory Tract Infection. He ask me go see doctor to get medicine and antibiotics.

Mama: Ask your go take the cough syrup dont listen, can recover de. And, dont take antibiotics, it is not good, later nothing can cure you when you get worse next time.

Me: I know too much antibiotics not good la... but i also dont want to take the cough syrup. No use de.

Mama: The cough syrup no use, better than nothing.

Me: Dont want, later get sudden bad cough and i will cough like crazy.

(I dont remember mama replying me)
15 minutes later

Me(attempting to sneeze but fail): I should have gone to get the Panadol for flu!!! my nose is super itchy and its killing me!

Mama: Buy what medicine? Take the medicine no use de la.

Me: ...!!! HAHA. you just now still ask me go take the cough syrup!!!! hahahahahaha.

Mama (suddenly realise that she is contradicting herself, laughing): Oh ya hor, haha. go take the hot drinks for flu and cold la.

SUPER -.- lor.... my lao bu. hahaha

Oh ya, this remind me, i have a difficult time trying to sneeze. ah. and it dont feel good to not be able to sneeze. :(

.::here to post again::.

i seriously think i should stop posting new post like 2 times a day.

but dude. i dont care, i am just way too bored.

:P took a small nap for about 20minutes just now because i am really feeling very sick. i hope i can have the courage to take the saturday off.

and i now see the need to go shopping la... i need a dark coloured cardigan, or maybe a white one. cause apparently i only have one brown one that i can wear now. hmm. how long will this last, i dont know but i know it is all a want, not a need.

mama dont see the need for me to get a lappy so she is not going to help me with application of installment. sianed. so that means, either i wait till i am 21, pay full amount or give up the idea. whatever it is, it is going to be a long wait, maybe other than the last decision.

i am blog hopping and i came across alot of links to those young mommies blog. so interesting...

hmm. no ones understand how much i have gone through, how much i have done those years. i dont have the courage to say it out. even to someone close.

i keep thinking, what will happen if....

so many 'what will happen if...'

i am missing companies. i need people to go out with me. i need supper. i want supper time, better with drinking but i realli gave up on the idea of drinking, seeing what it did to me and how it worsened my cough.

argh. faster recover! ok, i drank alot of water today le hor.

hmm. reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply reply my sms~!

ARGH. my boss cannot sign off from cape town, that means he will take about another week before he is back...

and CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP. something stupid just happened.

i am eating alot recently, is my weighing machine spoil or something. hmmmmmm... how can i be only 47kg? hmmm.

looking forward to the occupational first aid course tonight! C= i like the way the instructor teach and conduct the class.

hmm. waiting for batteries to come before i go have my yun tun gou tiao! C=

.::SICK::.

JIE YIM IS SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK

all thanks to me being stubborn about getting a drink.

and so i did, i drown down a 500ml of Carlsburg and *poof* i woke up with a damn jialat sore throat. i thought beer is suppose to be cooling?!

hmm. i did drown down 500ml of water before i sleep, i bet that minimise the impact/damage.

ok, did i mention that i had fries again yesterday night? =s haha. maybe thats the reason why i am half dead here.

thinking if i should apply for half day leave on Saturday. hahaha.

maybe i will.

there goes my swimming plans on friday night. i dont think anyone in the correct mind, in my situation will go swimming. but but but but if i dont swim, jiu not much other chance le leh.

oh poor adi 2 piece swim suit, when was the last time i wear u?

haha. so so looking forward to the chalet. =D i think i will go havoc and become darn crazy la.

but whatever, now the thing top on my list is to recover. recover recover.

no more fries for me tonight and i will leave the beer till next time le. or maybe some kind soul will finish it for me.

better dont be my dad.

OH YA! I get scoldings from my mother EVERY SINGLE MORNING! simply over the fact that i cant wake up on my own. OMG. and by the time she wake me up, its darn late and i will fly to work in cab. i should put a stop to that TOMORROW! C=

hmm. yesterday was the 14th day. hmm. i will remember i have a very cute and funny grandma.

tomorrow is my dad's birthday. hmm. but i doubt he will be at home. he hardly celebrate his birthday.

and i hardly get to see a not-drunk-daddy.

my life is still BORING like before. classes till 9.30pm from monday to thursday, and i am left with FRIDAY! tell me what else i can do?

sianed.

the impossible of the 2, the 2 impossible. hoping and thinking. maybe miracle will happen. stupid me. as usual

.::BORED::.

YA da ya da ya da.

hmm. i m bored AGAIN. and those that i was chatting with SUDDENLY disappear all together.

sianed. and i am going to find something to do before i fall asleep.

reading blogs, there isnt endless blogs to read.

i feel so crap now, cos i am blogging like a noob but so be it.

when will i get to mahjong again?! i want to drink!!! that seems to be top on the list for me. :P

hmm. evil. but hmm.

having class tonight. and not to mention about yesterday night class, which was C.R.A.P. i was literally drawing flowers throughout the whole lesson LA! not that i dont want to pay attention but simply the lecturer also dont give it a damn. so why should i care?

and i did something amazing after class. i went to eat fries haha. yum but hmm, i took the risk of worsening my sore throat but apparently, it got better C=

i said the salt from the fries will make me better! and it did C=

hmm. i feel like bitching about something here but apparently i shouldnt, i should put a stop to all the bad things. hmm. so as not to spoil more relationships.

hmm. i was wondering, how much worse can he get? he is evil. very evil.

i cant access my hotmail account. die die die die die.

i am so looking forward to YEAR END! faster faster faster.

i am thinking of 2, 2 that are impossible.

.::BORED::.

Jie yim is super bored now. and she start to scream endlessly recently. someone talk to me please.



hmm. i want a drink more than anything but i dont have any available kaki.



ok, i choose to not approach them. hmm. i feel like writing in chinese. at least there is someone talking to me online....



hmm. there is someone there that i feel like smsing but it feel so impossible.

.::something exciting::.

something great and exciting is going to happen in 2 months time. hope i can drive by then, if not i would have to get someone who can drive to drive us there. haha.

and hmm. talked to alot of people today. hmm. and... i dont know what to say.

i am thinking about all the wrong things and the bad things that i should not have. IMPOSSIBLE

But... we are all weird things, thinking about the weird things and hoping something from it.

haha. sshhhh. everything is in my diary. =x so old liao still like a kid lidat. haha

at least, i feel better these days although i still choose to walk home from central, i think i am better le. hoping....

.::jieyim post more when is not happy::.

ok la, actually i am not really not happy or something.

other than the fact that my dad scolded me last night, the stupid circuit trip and for the first time, i tried to take a closer look at the circuit board and in the midst of going up the table, i step right through a plastic stool, with my foot stuck in the stool. other than a cut, we manage to salvage the situation and get the electricity for the aircon running again.

other than the above mentioned, i also have a bloody sister, sitting at the corner of my bed studying for her exam. did i mention that she start to take out her book to study only at 12 midnight?! and bloody hell, she asked me stupid chemistry questions that are so so so important for her test the next day! ok, i did help her. but i have the urge to send her flying to the floor any moment.

just when i shut her up when i realised its 12.45AM, i heard the holy sound again~~! and there goes my aircon for the night, the circuit trip again and we just decide to not do anything to it and just sleep without aircon. ARGH.

and i had a nice cooling night with my windows closed, door closed. while my mom and sister shared a standing fan at their doors.

tell me, how can i leave the room open when i have 2 dogs at home and a big pile of notes and worksheet on the floor just next to my door. argh. nvm.

and so generally, i have a really good sunday.

... hmm. actually, there is something good la. i finally decide on the chalet. just hope there is no pangseh cases. and hmm.

sometimes, somethings are just not meant to be. over sensitive is not something good. it is wrong. wrong for whatever i am thinking now. so at least i am still afloat.

oh ya. i got the sickening sore throat flu from work! ARGH~~!

i dreamt of her

i dreamt of her on Tuesday night, dreamt of alot of roaches crawling around, surprised, i am not scared.

i was hitting the roaches and then someone told me, roaches went into ah ma's ear.

i wake up, realising that ah ma will never talk to us again.

and i dreamt of her last night. in my dreams, alot of us were in a vehicle. driving around and somehow, we see something and we all start to cry. because of her.

i walked past a funeral ytd night. i heard whatever that i heard on Tuesday night and it felt bad, really bad.

time will wash away everything. one day, people will stop remembering her and we will all stop crying over her.

i will stop crying over her soon.

.::JieYim is SAD::.

I dint know she can affect me this much. i never expect myself to miss her so much, to think of her so much.

this all feels very weird, very wrong. i need company. if only she dint go away. if only those days dont end. if only nothing bad happen at that point of time.

there is no point asking who is right and who is wrong, because she is gone.

here goes.

i visited her on a Thursday with my sister, with my very very drunk daddy. on the way home, i 'scolded' my dad for skipping his job and going to visit ah ma everyday. i told him, 'i see her, i think she is ok and trust me, in less than one week, no one will come and visit her le'.

that sound harsh then. but i still said that.

the next day, i come home and my dad told me, 'really no one go and see her today'

i went to see her again on a Saturday. was happily telling her that the others are playing mahjong somewhere. she kept saying she want to cook and want to cook dinner for one of my uncle and herself.

then monday or tuesday, i heard she having fever le.

Thurday afternoon, a shock came. she is not ok le. i remember sitting there staring into space, not knowing what to do.

when i asked for permission to leave, tears well up without me knowing why.

it all feel so wrong, to have someone leaving me.

then i went to the hospital. ya, she really is not ok.

we were still joking around and then from morning 11am to 10pm, she struggled and then she is gone after meeting everyone that she want to meet.

i believe she felt indebt to her thats why she was the one that she was waiting for.

i dint see that moment when her heartbeat rate drop, i sent the ah yi po down.

anyway, i came back with people crying and alot of people walking out.

i stood there. watching and waiting. and we got to see her for the last moment.

i went down to get an aunt with my cousin and that look on my aunt face. shock? pale? no one knows how to react ba.

and thats the night end.

one of the days, someone came and i think alot of us were surprised and shocked. someone who used to take care of her came. she kneel down and she is in tears, so much that none of us can handle.

the next few days, all the rushing around and all my cabbing around and everything, everything became different on Tuesday night.

it just daunt on me and made me realise that my grandma realli realli realli passed away. the fooling aroudn the past few days is over, she is really gone.

all the walks, all the praying, i really dont know what to say, how to react. i dont even know how to cry.

she is gone.

.::The Rain::.

it has been raining these few days. it really feels very weird.

After all the fooling around and all the company that i had the past few days, now everything back to normal, it seems like we are all back to reality.

wads the truth? the truth is everything is different le.

i have heard so much, seen so much, even said so much these few days.

the void feeling.

true, when she is ok, no one cares. whats the point of me thinking now?

it is not sudden but it came fast.

speechless, dunno how to say. i think i am not the only one who felt this way

and maybe thats the reason why, the atmosphere at home ytd night feels so different from any other day.

not because we are all tired. but becuase we realise that everything has really come to an end.

i feel like crying. it feel so weird.

My grandmother passed away on the 25th September 2008.

i am not closed to her, but i enjoyed her company, i never hate her although she never really dote on us.

i am glad that she gave me such a big family and i am glad that she was there when i was unwell when i was young. but still somethings just have to end some day.

maybe to some one, we are all putting up an act. but i am sure i feel something and i went through more than what that hypocrite went through.

.::The cold weather::.

again, i am feeling cold. is it the weather or just me. i always ask myself this question.

maybe, really, sometimes, somethings are just too late.

i went somewhere that i haven been to for a long time. ok, 2 months is rather long.

if only i had the chance to talk before this happened or after that happened. maybe things would not be like that now.

please let me get busy. i dont want to be left with nothing to do.

i want to be tired and not wake up in the middle of the night.

or maybe, better still, dont wake up at all.

stupid. this was soemthing that i choose. why did it have to rain.

will things change again these few days?

kill me please

.::after so long::.

someone reminded that it is time to update my long dead blog.

someone told me something the other day and it totally caught me by surprise. dint know that such kind of people exist. to think that i am thinking about it all day and still...

there is this person who wasnt some good girl from the start. surprised me and i really dunno how to put it into words.

the children are innocent. adults should not abort a foetus just because the father is not responsible.

it is so cruel. so so cruel. how she dared to put herself in all these kind of danger.

sometimes, somethings are just hard to say.

regrets are something to live with for life.

a walk home last night. long walk. an injured ankle for a few days for god-knows-what-reason, it just hurts.

sometimes many things just come back at once. i m sorry but maybe i am realli too late.

i dont know. it is different

.::NDP 2008::.

Always wanted to post an entry regarding NDP or give a 'touching' speech because there are really people who touched my heart during NDP. but i just dont seem to have the time to do it.

So many things changed these weeks and days. and i dont like what i am actually going through. not the working part but just something personal. something not nice is happening.

New work, everyday work and i am looking forward to the courses that i will get to take.

looking forward to NDP thank you party and i suppose i will be back next sunday. i hope i will go back and i still owe Loris and Doris from PA stuff. shit. siam. haha. i will hand in the NDP soon. i think it will be tonite.

sinking into the vicious cycle although i know it is not right. i thought i told myself to never let that happen to me again.
shit him, why did he let me see him and him talking? if i dint see what happened, things wouldnt be like that now.
and this is the vicious cycle of hoping, and then disappointment comes along.
i crossed my line. knowing that i did, i still hope and i still get disappointed.
JIEYIM! hoping for both the best for me and the ............

.::A new life! Enjoying it!!!

Yaps, as what the title say, i realise it is a different life and i am enjoying it!!!

Last friday, the Singapore delegation TRIED to meet up, but ended up there is only around 8 of us? ok. so here are the names. not much pictures taken. maybe junyi has a hell lot since he brought his camera.

so the people who appear and are alive:
ME!
Angeline
Cindy
Gina
Junyi
Lawrence
Mike
Mira
and of course, Mira's Bf.

ok. then drank bourbon coke for the first time in my life. but i m very sure that would not be the last time. =D

and after leaving at around 1am, i went home, sleep and totally failed to wake up early on saturday mornign to go BBDC. so i changed my mind and sleep in till noon. -.- before going down to PA for a meeting.

and apparently, i reach on the dot and i totally forget about what Mr Tay said. ok la, actually i remember. =D Jieyim's memory can be good ok. haha. just a matter of want or dont want

then after that, after NDP, got my tickets and i enjoyed my walk home from marina.

and tired. bam. sleep on bus until some aunties quarrelling wake me up. but... hmm. nothing much to comment on the quarrel, just glad that it dint turn into a cat fight. but again, hmm. that will be something that i have never see before. =p evil Jieyim

and then the next day, sunday, i dint go PA again, and went to Ebenezer dinner instead. Early morning was breakfast with mama and Auntie. waited 30 minutes for the food. which i think is worth it la. and keh kai about the same old topic and i still feel the same thing. During the dinner at night, drink again, simply because i can drink. so i drank beer. trained up liao, dun feel anything. -.- this is a good thing right? please tell me it is. hahaha

and then went home, and finally reached home at a even earlier time. and nothing much, i forgot what i did.

then on Monday morning, i went to work hoping that i will see some new face today, but i saw only my boss face.

so after a tiring morning, i received another shocking sms. from angeline. KTV at liang court with the Philippines delegation leader. 0.o ok. haha. we are all shocked and surprise.

haha. so after working that night, we went to pick angeline up and had dinner at some place in TPY and then to kbox, we are early, although it is already 10pm. -.-

so sing sing sing sing sing sing and drink drink drink drink. i drink this time round because i feel like drinking. i tried tequila with coke. hmm. and took a sip from Angeline's rum with sprite. ok. and i know it is the first time but wouldnt be the last time i am going to try them. so yaps and had beer too. again.

IT WAS SUPER HAPPENING! although only have me, angeline, cindy, lawrence, hanny and Kid, still, never sing like that in k before. will post all the things we do up real soon. =D

so reached home at 2.30. blah. will try to be home early t0morrow.

i realise something after all these 'busy' days, i am really enjoying my life. not because i get to drink or party. but simply because i am occupied. i like the feeling, i mean, actually i like the fact that i am busy till i got no time to take my lunch, no time to sleep, no time to rest, becuase that make me treasure my free time mroe.

i plan more now and try hard to stick to plan, other than last saturday maybe. hmm. haha.. =p

so, yaps. enjoyed and maybe now is time to enjoy my bed and do some cross stitch. oh shit, i still have books and papers waiting to be read. ... will go read papers now. cross stitch can wait =D

Lastly, i want to annouce,

JIEYIM IS LOVING HER LIFE, LOVING HERSELF, LOVING BEING SINGLE, LOVING BEING ALONE!

Still i want to thank you JD for whatever. and i hope life is better for him, soon. and also, i m still here, as a friend.

.::My Birthday!!!::.

Yesterday was my birthday, and i thanks those DARLINGS who wished me happy birthday, celebrated, or give me a present!!!

So here is the list. hope i dont miss anyone out.

Jiangda
Lawrence
Joyce
JieBin
Sam
Suyin
YanJia (i was surprised)
Meichen
LyeYee
Hoon
Ni
Zhiyan (i was surprised)
Angeline
Mira
Gina
Junyi
Cheryl Monica Siantar (I just feel like typing out her full name haha. although i am not very sure if i got it correctly)

hmm. is that all? haha. oh no. People who contributed to the Capitagift Cards, thanks a million!!! rrrreaaalllyyy LOVE it!!! :D

hmm. and went out for dinner at some steamboat restaurant at a street that i never knew it existed. haha. it will be million times better if JOYCIE is there. hmm.

***JOYCIE!!! Pon tomorrow's practice~~!!!***

anyway, after that went home and cut cake!!! haha. so many years dint take photo with a cake le lor. be it my birthday or other people's birthday, actually ok la, i just took one on the 1st April this year. bt then, the point is, i am always helping people take photo de. -.- so sad rite?

hmm. then ate the cake but we are all too full that only less than a quarter of the cake is gone. so yaps, into the fridge it went.

and i took a quarter of the cake for breakfast and lunch today!!! =D

ok. i woke up this morning feeling ok, but after i gulp down the daily dose of coffee, i can feel the Ma La soup and beer in my stomach 0.o so, carefully, i make sure i dont puke anything out and went to work. it gets better before noon and now it is gone! C=

then came the ISO/OHSAS consultant. hmm. they said i did quite alot and job well done, and i start to feel guilty, because i know i could have get more things done de. but i choose not to. but i will get the papers done before i leave this company. hmm

what will happen after i go? hmm. he will have a difficult time handling the auditor, i am sure. but still hope he will pass the auditing.

and today,it will be A Tale of Shaolin-date with mama. :D hmm. first time paying to go to a show with mama. haha.

and then tomorrow is the gathering!!! but no one is replying me!!! hmm. i bet it will just end up being a chit chat session or someting =p

and for now, it is back to work. chiong for ISO/OHSAS!!!

and that way, the day will end faster

*i realised, i am waiting AGAIN, waiting till you have the time to handle me. and why am i waiting again? do i have to? i am thinking things through again. the whole time, it is mostly me waiting for you, and you are either having wushu, having class, or just out with friends or even busy with project. i am always waiting for a message. not that i mind waiting, but i need to feel appreciated. not you thinking that it is ok to make me wait, or that i choose to wait. just some bit of appreciation is mroe than enough. maybe you did, just that i dont remember. there are just things that you claimed you did, but i dont remember. sorry*

.::What a weekend::.

hmm. first, it was NDP and in the saturday morning, i gave up the plan to go URA building because i seriously, just dont know how to go. oh wells. so i gave it up in exchange for my sleep/rest.

after waking up at 12 noon by someone's phone call, i walked out of the room to see the living room in a MESS. some cute dog chew up an adidas shoe box. omg. jialat. then i went on and bathe and fly out of the house with my sister for brunch.

reached PA and i forgot what i do there. but i remember we staged a show. and i dont think we acheive what we want to achieve. hmm.

then it was at the platform. so many stupid things that i just dont want to talk about and we should consider ourselves rather lucky. the rain stops after the finale. and we stayed on the platform for about 1.5 hours more, waiting for the Pri 5 students to move off. sian. thats the only way to describe the waiting time.

and my heels hurt like crazy. piang. no place to sit and just simply standing around can really kill.

so after that, we went back to the show village and back to the pick up point and back to PA and things happened which i dont want to say. and i zoomed off upon reaching. hmm. heck. :P

then rushed to clark quay to meet up with KS and ZR. went for MAC and we gave up on the idea of going Iguana. so we sat at somewhere near the river and crap. haha. smelly river.

that should be the kind of life. at least i am enjoying it now. :D

so shared a cab and went home. was the last to alight. =C and then reached home at 3.30? haha. amazed. hardly so late.

and slept till 12 again? woke up because i was disturbed by stupid Carrot.
(she lick me on my lips, i wipe my lips clean with my sleeves) X 3 times. IRRITATING! so i wake up to eat brunch. haha

and then was to PA. if not for the cha siew rice, i wun get drenched.

slack till meeting and during meeting, weeeee... happy, 暗爽！who wun lor. haha. they did ask me for my name before. :D

so after that, i feel tired and dont know what to do, i went home. did cross stitch after having dinner. and here i am. i will go for more cross stitch. :D

tata. thats all folks. C=

.::First Private Driving::.

today, is the first driving lesson, as in private one la. kan ciong spider. -.- haha. as usual.

that is jieyim C=

and nothing much, but Mr Tay just speak rather soft sometimes and he likes to stick his words together. haha.

but i think driving myself is not that scary afterall.

hmm. it will be better next time. when i get used to it!!! C=

and Jieyim just drink Choya. abit seh. haha.

nothing much to write. how to spend my friday night?

.::stupid computer::.

i give up on trying to blog with another computer le. -.- it never manage to load the page de. only hang on me. argh.


whatever, this computer is no where better, the keyboard is difficult to press.


anyway, chionged through work today and realise that time pass real fast!!!


hmm. if only there is someone, as in a colleague in the office, i think life will be better. -.-


but anyway, i am leaving real soon. just hope that my boss is really trying to find someone to cover my job. but apparently, from what i see, there is no sign of searching. hmm. i will ask him tomorrow!!! that is if he come into the office. -.-


hmm. tiring days. but i enjoyed being busy, if the thing i do is not something that i hate/dont like. then it is perfectly fine to be busy! C=


hmm. hope i can get to go out tml or sat nite. haha. KS CHO!!! i wanna go out.



hmm. back to wish list.


hmm. i forgot wad else tat i want le. sian. -.- ok, maybe a gathering soon.

ok, just ended an MOM call that i waited a whole day for. but. i think i have the answer in the first place lor. -.-

.::BIRTHDAY WISHLIST::.

I DEMAND THE FOLLOWING FOR MY BIRTHDAY. HAHA. i hope i can get la.

Top on the list,
1. Beijing Olympic Limited Edition CapitaGift Card, ALL FIVE!!!
Priced at S$68 for 5 cards at any Capitaland mall in Singapore, and that includes Lot one, Bugis, Plaza Sing, yada yada yada, with no stored value.

2. Some nice silver ring that i can wear.
But this is something that i have to go choose myself

3. Jewelleries/Accessories!!!
which girl dont love them? ok la, i dont always wear la. but i still like to have more

4. Pass driving before my advance theory expire.
Hmmm. starting this thurday le!!!

5. cannot remember anymore at the moment.
will try to think of more tomorrow. C=

i heard something from the radio. why XXX want to be doraemon?
because he want to sheng chu yuan shou.

.::JIEYIM IS BLOGGING AGAIN::.

JIEYIM IS BLOGGING AGAIN.

haha. yawn. maybe i should go offline and do cross stitch until i fall asleep. ahahaha

i did quite alot yesterday although it seems so insignificant on the big thing. haha

and i feel *bang* whacked in the head today, bt i know that is normal la. haha. cos is soemthing new afterall.

right. i remember i have somthing to search for. thats all.

the whole night was doing reports but hmm. keep having the feeling that i missed something out and i really do in the end. :P

.::a few things::.

just a few things that i really have to blog about.

first, i am using another computer in the office and i am so not used to it. the keys are so small and i am just not used to where the backspace or enter is because it is just a different keyboard.

anyway, that is something super random and not important

this whole two years, i dont think i wasted anything and in fact, i learn quite alot of things from whichever source.

firstly, i think i never regret this one year in this company, i really learnt alot and i mean alot. i forge great friendship again, people who are knowledgeable in their own field and knows alot of things just cant wait to teach me things and get to learn more about computer stuff from me! :D that is something happy for me. because they are willing to teach me, means i get the chance to learn more things.

then again, there are unhappy things that is always happening and i dont know how to help. things are just not going right for him these few weeks.

it is first the new car, got involved in a small accident which result in the damage of the bracket and having to change a new light, and for a BMW, that is around 2k? hmm. then after servicing, he ran over a nail and damaged his tyre. whatelse can be more suay than all these for a car that is just about 2 months old.

and there just seem to be more to come. the termite attacked buddha painting from thailand, me quitting, officers not happy about him, workers arguing and quarrelling with him. what else?

and cashflow. hmm. shall not continue with this topic, it is jsut endless. hope that things will be better for him. dont want to see him die afterall.

and then i went cycling yesterday although i should be at PA having dance practice, but i think i deserve a break after all these years. i know laoshi deserve a break more and i am not the only one feeling tired, but i think i really wanna think about what i want to do in life in the coming years. because, for now, i think getting achievements in career seems like a better idea.

but then again, i never regret whatever that i had done. just wished that i had managed my human relations better in the past.

and then again, i dont know what went wrong between me and him. cant it be just simple friendship? if there is something that you need to say, something that u hope that i will do, just tell me. i know and understand your pride. but then again. haix. nothing much

i realise there are so many things i wanted to do, wished to do in the past 2 years, but i didnt do. i choose not to, i know that. but then again. it is over.

and now it is a new life!!! :D should i celebrate my BIRTHDAY?! JIE YIM DEMAND A PRESENT! :D

kidding -.- haas

.::JIEYIM post alot::.

jieyim post alot of entry only when something is happening.

something is happening and pui, i totally hate it.

hmm. la la la la la la la la la. we shall see about it.

going to enjoy my weekend~!!! C=

i am still happy although i totally hate whatever that is happening. blah. but i dont care. =D

.::Set a limit or Start a war::.

it is getting complicated and it is really time to let go.

sometimes it is really between setting a limit to whatever you are doing or start a war.

And i think in this case, starting a war is not something that some people will like to do if they know whatever is going on.

sian. it is all over again. at least one thing is settled *wink* :P

hmm. look on the bright side of life. JIE YIM is currently single, maybe being friends is really better although things that happened now is not what we want it to be. :D

ok. i got a shock of my life. just got it. piang. kill me please. argh.

.::Understanding::.

生命中不可承受的轻
让耳机循环这旋律
反复超重低音震动着宁静
挡风玻璃里爱成了蒙太奇
我哼着我自己的叹息

只是爱与被爱的比例 不是爱或不爱的问题
如果明天还有好天气 都已经跟你没关系

你让我梦见了太美的梦 生命中不可承受的轻
你证明了每一颗流星都遥不可及
你因为了我每个所以 所以了这一百年孤寂
你洒下默默无言的雨滴
一滴一滴一滴滴遗忘的泪滴

偶阵雨偶尔会天晴
还好星光熠熠好心的提醒
一个人追寻一个人的和平
我看见我自己的天际

爱真的需要一点勇气 就看我们敢不敢忘记
我和彩虹最短的直径 也不一定没有你不行

你让我梦见了太美的梦 生命中不可承受的轻
你证明了每一颗流星都遥不可及
你因为了我每个所以 所以了这一百年孤寂
你洒下默默无言的雨滴
一滴一滴一滴滴遗忘的泪滴

就让我狠狠地加速前进 脱离你所给我的梦境
再零点零一零公里就可以清醒
我决定不再等你决定 我决定不再当局者迷
我决定属于我自己的黎明
距离你一世纪下一个世纪

just a random nice song that i randomly fall for. i want to get out of here now. this minute. i am not in the right condition to face whatever that is going to come today. tomorrow will be a better day.

ya, the trip changed my life. it is time to talk to mama again. tonight it will be. i hope.

i thought i am not under any/much stress. but i dont agree to that now. i don't want the phone to ring. i don't want to hear his voice.

it does not seem to concern only me now.

i am tired.

i remember typing something similar some years ago.

i always thought i am veri strong. i always thought i can handle anything, handle myself. i appear like i dont need any special attention.

now, once again, i changed my mind. i need concern sometimes.

it is a simple thing that is not simple now.

.::my life::.

the girl who use to dislike changes realised something.

she realised that maybe it is good to change afterall.

there are so many things going on and so many people growing up. hope everyone grow out of it soon and be ok again.

i know it is not right to blog now. the things that i think are very important to me are not the way they used to be now.

year after year, it is always the same thing. the same problem and sometimes even the same people.

to think back, i dont regret whatever that i have done, i dont regret raising my hand at that moment and making that decision. it added colours to my life but i believe i will be more carefree now if i did not do whatever that i have done.

life is like that. even if you regret, you still have to live with it. i dont regret. i took my freedom in exchange for colours. something that is worth it.

at least until now, i still think it is worth it.

what will happen if we are all gone?

the things and decision that i made during this period, maybe can make me feel better but i know the people affected by my decision will not feel good.

i have the intention to go for one and have decided to go for another one.

what will happened if i go?
will they be ok if i go?
will they make me stay if i try to go?
what will my life be like if i go?

they will struggle for a while. but they will be ok in the end. one might ask me to stay, but i am sure the other will not. my life will be less colourful, thats for sure.

or maybe, with or without me, nothing matters at all. but i dont have the heart to just go away with everyone and let him be alone.

i think i just need a short break now. bring me out to drink. i want to drink. ok. i will drink choya tonight. just abit. at home.

or maybe, i should have jumped out of it LOOOOOONNNG ago.

.::Big Things::.

being away for about one week is never something good.

I still have the same feeling after coming back but i realise i am able to control my eyes more. i can choose who to see and who not to care.

the same people who still have the same attitude and same look in their face,
the same people who makes me wanna go away.

everything is still the same, but this time round, i seems to be more determined in whatever that i have decided.

i came back from China, i met great people and i forged great friendships. and i learnt things. all the more, i gain time and the opportunities to pull myself out of the picture.

there are somethings that even if you try to change with all your might, nothing can be done.

there are no particular reasons that really affects me now. at least, that is what i hope is the way.

maybe the problem have always lies with me from the start. the fact that i am giving more than i should give. but that never seems like a problem until one day, you realise people take it for granted.

or maybe when i see the flaws in other people and there are more people that i am not pleased about, it simply means that i am the one who has the biggest problem.

totally not making sense. it is a bad time of the year, i remember feeling this way before, last year, same period.

when people come together and no one really cares, or maybe they cared about things the wrong way, or they simply showed their care in different way, i think thats when the problem arise.

there is no need to step up now, step out girl! i think that is more important now. so many things that makes me wonder, what kind of a person i really am. and what kind of person are the people who affected me in the past but not now.

now, i only hope for the much awaited time that i have yearn for long.

just doing cross-stitch is totally fine. (randomness)

maybe i should have stayed in china. =.=

minus the talks and it seems better there, but i will bring my Love over. C=

.::PB::.

HAHA. it is still about PB.

Did not have the intention to blog these weeks because i hope that the first entry that people read is about me and PB.

haha. but when i see Keelui's tag, i CHANGE my mind. haha.

so here is it. Keelui said maybe he din do it on purpose? haha.

Ya, i tink he is really busy with work and i never doubt what PB said. just that, i think the thing that accumulates is not his fatigue and tireness, but jsut his hatred for me. haha. i bet all of your know who PB is by now. hoho. this is the real him. the shy and good boy is fake. but so be it, everyone has their own choice to showcase whichever face/side of them that they want.

but anywya, back to the main point. the thing that accumulate is his hatred for me la. haha. after thinking for weeks, i finally rememeber when is the time that i was 'rude' to him before.

The XXXXXX camp incident.
Due to the escape of Mas Selamat, the various camp are more tight with their security and to prevent being lock out of the XXXXXX camp during one of the practice, i make people report at 2.30pm although the reporting time at camp is 3pm. and guess what, PB IS LATE AGAIN!!! he should thank god that we were ALL locked out that day till around 3.45pm, if not he will not even be able to go into the camp or something.

see the point? i set the time at 2.30pm to have a time of 15 minutes incase people are late. moving off at 2.45pm is still more than enough to reach the camp before 3pm. and i stated clearly to not be late, in case we are being locked out and i did mention about reason for making them turn up at 2.30pm. BUT PB is still late. rarr. kill me please.

and after my research, i conclude that PB is unhappy and treated what i said as being 'rude' to him, because i was so pissed off with his bo-chap attitude. and i have another conclusion. PB will only be on time or early when he is meeting GIRLS that he is woo-ing. i am not the only one who thinks that way.

and here is another funny issue that happened last week. i was being very kind to not EXPOSE him le la.

HE TOLD A STUPID, BIG, FAT LIE!!!

that fateful day, someone IMPORTANT asked me why PB is absent, i simply replied 'it is his birthday'.

and on another FATEFUL day, another quite important person knew about the quarrel because blahblahblah accidentally mentioned something about it and being the kind me, seeing how poor thing PB was, i said, 'oh it was nothing much, just that i wasnt happy that XX din jiao dai clearly and yet he scold me say i no common sense' the whole issue was 'presented' to the quite important person in less than 3 sentences.

afterwhich, the quite important person said, 'PB said he was absence because he had 3 projects on hand and was busy' and just then, IMPORTANT person walks in and blahblahblah gave an evil giggle. but i din not EXPOSE him.

YAYA, U miss the practice cause you are busy, but actaully u are busy CELEBRATING your birthday. to think that the day before the quarrel, i was still asking JD if we should get u a present. LUCKY I DINT GET ONE.

hmm. come to think of it, he was quite kelian. i dont know to feel happy or wad. i am a leo and as weihong said, i am quarrellsome. is that how u spell that? hmm. anyway, quarrel with jieyim and u will be zibi. maybe he will be very very happy cos i will be missing one NDP practice. ok. more and more obvious who the person is le. but i dont care.

quit thinking he is a good guy, because he is not. he is so unreasonable and stupid.

there is still the pole and performance issue that i have yet to mention. so be it.

I AM EVIL MOUTH right? so how does it feels when it is used on YOU?

.::Jieyim & her Evil Mouth::.

This is about a very interesting incident that happened to me and i am now here to share. No names will be mentioned so the person would not be affected. AND i hope that if the person happened to chance upon my blog, would not be a Petty Boy and a COWARD one to spam my tagboard. i would not hesitate to release more information regarding you.

AND I MUST EMPHASIZE, if anything mentioned by me or assumed by me is W.R.O.N.G. and unreasonable, i will be willing to APOLOGISE.

anyway, first i must admit that i intiated everything by being just slightly GuaiLan. But again, you cant blame me, I was busy and not really happy about what has happened.

But still hmm. after considering for about 12 hours, i have decided to let people know of this incident, but not the names.

It all started one faithful night, at 8.17pm, with ONE SMS. ya, everything is ALMOST word for word. PB is the name. and ME!!!

8.17pm to many (that includes PB):
Pls send me your blah blah blah blah blah blah by 12 noon tomorrow. thank you.
(Everyone replied except PB.)

Nevermind, the next day.

Someone name Blah sent me Early in the morning, the others sent me before noon and BlahBlah got me to remind him to send it in at night. (Ok, i am ok with that, at least you got jiao1 dai4.)

4.16pm to PB:
Did u receive my sms? Did u send it to my email?
(Obviously i know he haven send it to me thats why i sms him. YES, on purpose.)

PB:
Ya, i received bt from 8am to 5pm i m working, so 12pm i m still outside. later i reach home i will prepare.

The usually GUAILAN me will obviously reply the following as i was unhappy that he is like a kid that needs to be chased after and at the same time dont seem to give it a care.

ME:
Ok, thank you for at least informing now that you cant send it to me, at this time.

Note 1: I dint caps any single word other than the first 'O'. I know it was guailan but on a scale of 1 to 5 with 5 being the most guailan, this is like scale 1 for treating someone who had been irresponsible.

PB:
Oh!You are alway welcome. U mean ur common sense spoil till u don noe that i will be working and nt having holiday like those sec student?Maybe u can consult blahblahblah how to improve ur common sense and oso ur mouth. Your mouth is often evil. He sure will be a great help.

Note 2: Its irony for PB to say that i have a evil mouth and still quarrel with me. He should be prepared for the whole world to know. I know, JIEYIM is evil. but do u think i care?haha. At least i admit i am EVIL. way better than a faker. I m biased i must say.

Note 3: But the whole silly thing is, he is AT FAULT! Since he know that he will be working the next day, he could have replied my sms to tell me he cant give it by noon at 8.20pm the previous night. I gave him a 3min grace for him to type his reply ah. But even if he cant reply by 8.20pm, he got like 12 hours to reply before he even leave his house for work la.

ME:
Haha. I tout by being responsible u will let me know cox blahblah is also working and he let me know it can oli be done by 8pm. And blah, in army, 8 to 5, also sent it to me this morning. Be i heard nothing from u. Was that suppose to be my fault or somthing? Dunwan to argue, if u think u r being totally responsible and had a lot of common sense regarding this issue, so be it. Oh by the way, that has got nth much to do with common sense since including me, got 3 ppl working had managed to get it done or at least inform me abt it.

PB:
Oh ya ya! maybe common sense oso nv wake u that wat kind of job i will be doing or maybe deaf tat time when i mentioned my how my work will be like. It nt lik office work when there is time to sms ar. I hope u jus a worm inside my stomach to noe how busy will gt and nt just shoot ppl using evil mouth. ok, if u going to compare army wif my work, u oso noe how ermy life ba hor? unless they did mention while u close ur ears.

Note 4: i dun really understand what PB was trying to mean bt i know he is being sacar. bt that is just so wadever. he still dont know he is at fault.

ME:
if u still tink u r being totally correct regarding this issue, fine. U r being way too insulting and i dun remember i ever insult u tat way. And if u think u r the oli one busy, also so be it.

PB:
Ya, if u could think back clearly, u did said things which are being very rude to me and nt 1 time. u see last time i gt treat u like tat meh? if atfer u being very rude.

Note 5: I still dont think i am being very rude. i am just plain guailan lor. haha. i think PB is being insulting

ME:
Sorry, rude bt not insulting and i dun rmb being rude.

Note 6: I apologise nonetheless but i dont really mean to apologise. Hoho. Realisse my tone? try to realise my tone.

PB:
Actually if u wan it is, rude and insulting, Ya, of cus how would u noe, u always speak things without thinking than jux shoot out, so which words u said had offense ppl, how would u noe, am i right?

Note 7: To be truthful, i agree with wat he said bt most of the time, other people agree with wad i am saying and the last time i remember saying something mean about other people infront of PB was commenting about Chocolate(female) and Blahblah agree with me. Or maybe he is being petty for refering to another incident whereby i talk at a higher/stronger tone to someone else, i said i dont think i was scolding that person but i know i was being mean.

Note 8: i dont like the way he use 'shoot'. dunno he 'shooting' wad. as in, wad is that lor. It just seems like ejaculation to me. -.-

Note 9: I think he really deserve the name PB cos he is P.E.T.T.Y. B.O.Y.

ME:
Ya, u r totally rite. Sorry Sir, im at fault. I dun think i have any more things to say to u. U win, i am a busy woman. And hope u honour wad u said, send it to me tonite. Wad time will tat be?

Note 10: I decide to take blahblahblah advice and stop this pointless argument with the unreasonable PB. and AGAIN, i am being super guailan for the way i apologise and i have TOTALLY NO INTENTION TO APOLOGISE. but then, u will be shock by PB's next reply.

PB:
If u could apologise properly, i will surely do back the same thing. and it nt honour war i said, hope u can jus think b4 u speak in the future, u can jux realli breing no conflict to ppls around u.

Note 11: Seeing his reply, i dont know to laugh or cry. It is like i am BEGGING him to send me the things la. AND he is realli STUPID UNLIMITED. omg. to think that he really believe that i am going to apologise. SEE? See what i meant by P.E.T.T.Y.? the only fault i admit is i am being Guailan in the first place and i said Sorry 2 times le. although i dun mean it. HOHO

Note 12: I think i can only think before i speak if he show people his TRUE face lor, the side of him that he showed me when he is typing ALL THE ABOVE MESSAGES. A TYPICAL Gemini. (PB, U dont need to get agitated, no one knows it is u, and there is more than ONE gemini around me)

So in the attempt to stop the conflict and to make it seem like Jieyim let the loser win, i attempted to stop the argument by sending:
Wad time will u send me?

PB:
Around 8 to 9

The attempt to stop anymore argument FAILED when i saw that '8 to 9' .
ME:
So i will take the later time.

And thats all that happened and PB happily send it to me at 8.45pm. Which is like darn wadever la.

There are like tonnes of contradiction that i found or assume.

(i) PB claim he is busy but he is sending me LONG messages at 4.20pm? What time are u knocking off? 5pm. SO ARE U REALLY BUSY?

(ii) PB claim that i have offended him someway. Hmm. i think the amount of evil joke that i told to blahblah, weihong, koonhui or any other guys are more than the amount of evil jokes or silly comment that i said to him la. HE IS PETTY!!!

(iii) PB claim that i have offended him, but did it occur that he also did said silly/evil/mean jokes/comments about me? Like for example say i am black? And i am more gracious than him that i dont even give what he said a hoot. Maybe he can say that i am used to it. Even if i am used to it, does that mean that u can say those things? I dun remember what i said to him bt i believe wad i said were things tat other people said before.

Message to PB: i am trying to protect YOUR identity here. I am the GREAT person here. so u better dont make a fool out of urself. and ya, i just have to tell u something, YOU ARE JUST LIKE MY LITTLE SISTER!! people say u cannot but u say people can.

This is such a FUN post!!! By the way, just to remind PB, although i hope you dont have the face to read till the last line. THIS IS MY BLOG. and i dint tell people reading my blog that U r PB. So if u really not happy, just close the browser.

Oh again, maybe PB is a busy man that he dont have the time to chance upon my blog.

OH! DID I MENTION THAT he MISSED one of the practice because he think that his Birthday is the most IMPORTANT day THAT HE MUST celebrate it? I really dont blame him but it is not something i really will do.

hmm. what else do i have to say? YA, I KNOW. I AM MEAN/EVIL whatever u say.

That was a harsh post but only to him. Haha. JieYim can be a nice girl.

I was mean to PB and PB only because he dont seem to give anything a damn and this is the not the first time that he is being unreasonable and IRRESPONSIBLE!!!

AND, i am not using anything to 'control' him or 'overrule' him. Whatever position i am in, i am just doing my job and he failed to obey the most basic rule to jiao1 dai4 clearly. He really thought the whole world will wait for him ah. And i dont like the fact that he is ALWAYS late, with exception of going out with girls.

And he is the one who make everything bad and he is the one who left himself with 'no staircase to go down the stage'. Jie yim is evil mouth, he should have prepared for this when he start the first argument.

People all think he is a nice guy but i beg to disagree. he is just a plain FAKER. and that is the thing i hate most.

haha. any people bushuang what i said or PB, u think that i said anything wrong and wants to argue, please email me jie_yim@hotmail.com or sms me. But i will still prefer that we talk thru the phone or face to face cause that will make u less COWARD and i will get my chance to show people the REAL YOU.

this is not someone's temper, it is ur true self.

hmm. this post is getting longer and longer.

OOPS. haha.

hmm. apology to others who are unknowingly affected. JIE YIM dint mean it.