The days ahead and the days that past

当爱情旧了，当他已成为你的世界，他的存在已成为一种习惯。是好的习惯，但是当习惯成自然，那就不好了。
太自然的以为他会永远都在而忘了去守护，太自然的认为不会有失去的一天，太自然的想要要求更多。
爱情让人贪心， 说出来相信吗？肯去承认吗？
虽然有时他所做得未必是如你所愿而感到有些懊恼，但是必须知道又是争吵是要走更长的路。
当你站在你的世界上，随着他旋转时，慢慢的就遗忘了他其实一直在周围，默默地为你做许多事。
去握紧你的世界。

Dont really make sense but this year end is really different for me! Pack with activities and learning a whole lot of new things. And for now, I didnt bring my notes up from the car, because I was planning to wrap Christmas gift. Yet only to realise that I dont have my gifts with me after I finish showering. -.-

I am hungry! I am craving for Fish n Co! I want their Fish and Chips! With cheese!

this is just another of that moment...

...that hurts

Suddenly

Suddenly I miss my dear a lot a lot. How I wish I am by his side now. :(

I spent my last weekend and the first 3 days of the week with dear. 24 hours straight. :( miss him so much now. Shall sleep and see him tomorrow!

My Past One Week

Ok, another confession to make. I officially ended my probhation in driving on the 18th November 2009 with FIVE incident. I broke the rear windscreen of the trajet on the monday early morning.

So sad. I forgot that I cant park the car there....

but anyway, manage to change it. And for the past weeks, I have been dining alone most of the time. It feels kind of great but weird. Great because I can go off as and when I like but weird, because it is just so weird to be alone.

I realise how much trouble it is to be even eating alone. When I have absolutely no idea of where to go and have my dinner to satisfy my craving. And I have this bad phobia in going into carparks. ARGH.

but nonetheless, i survived the week without The Boyfriend and he is coming back soon! Flying in another 15 hours?

Boyfriend went for the Global Student Entreprenuer Awards competition in Kansas City in USA. And he got THIRD globally and The Edge Award. Shall find out what is that when he is back.

Of course, he came back with lots and lots of gifts. :p

Alrights. Time to orhorh. SO that the time that he comes back comes faster.

Staying in office

Can I stay in the office? So that even if I were to wake up at 8.30am in the morning, I will not be late for work.

How to wake up early. I always wake up but end up snoozing my alarm clock, telling myself that I can sleep a little bit more.

And end result, I am late.

Maybe it is a curse

Maybe it is a curse. For I realise that relationship will take a turn for the worse when it comes to times like month-niversary, or anniversary. I mean, thats usually the case. All these years. Even those times when I am with QJD.

But then again, maybe it just so happened that it is always the time of the month. Or somewhere near that time, for me to get so irritable and just gets into a fit because of something.

Things seems to be falling into somewhat like a routine, with me part of it. Blended into it, in someone's words. So well blended in that I can go unnotice.

Was reading the first few posts that I had when I first had this blog. Maybe assurance is the thing that is needed here and not other's confidence. Or maybe, it just get tiring trying to assure someone anymore.

Days can be great, with happy work, happy achievements but at the end of the day, those that I achieve doesnt seems to thrill anyone but only me. And that is tiring day after day.

Days can also be great, with great weather, things going smoothly and at the end of the day, some wrong comment made in a slip of the mouth and thats it, everything blows up and things make a turn for the worse.

Nothing seems to go smoothly these days, even the best few days, small hidcups spoils things here and there. Or maybe, it just spoils my mood only, and not anyone else.

Sometimes, I start to wonder, is it because of hallucination or is it me with hearing problems that makes me miss out on things that were 'said'.

I realise I dont remember. Didnt remember enough. Compared to the past. I was asking myself in the shower. It is because of a different workload.

I know it is because of a different workload.

Other than not remembering as much, I guess one of the most important thing that didnt change is, life hardly revolves around my own self.

It is the same, I am going into other people's picture and their bubble of social circles. At the same time, yearning to bring them into mine. But how to even do that. When I am always the free-er one, and the important friends dont seem to be the kind of friend circle that people will understand.

Feel like crying now. Maybe when the blood starts flowing tomorrow or something, I will feel better.

Is it wrong to plan your time in accordance to someone elses, knowing that you are the free-er one and all that you ever want to do is to spend time with that person? So this makes me revolves my life around others and at the end of the day, realise that the one maybe dont need you afterall.

Or maybe it is all those silly comments about other people being better that matters but I am used to them. Or is it that the passion has die down so much that even the minimal that I am asking for couldnt be match and each day, hoping for those nitty-gritty things seems so ridiculous after so long.

Sometimes, when things are being voiced out and they are not being intensified, it just seems to mean that maybe it is not that important afterall. Sometimes even to say it out feels so bad, because it just seems so redundant on other's part that they didnt even realise that there is a need.

I used to be the world, not yet, or maybe not now anymore. One thing is for sure, it is difficult to feel that kind of joy when you know that things are nicely done when neither one takes part in what the other had achieved. Or maybe, the achievements are beyond my ability to comprehend anymore to realise how great they are.

A frog in a well will be the comment, and to learn more will be what is need to be done. How to plan my time when I cant forgo more time in other people's life, knowing that I am not having enough.

Or someone teach me how to make sure time spent are of good quality and not quantity wise?

Is there a inspector when it comes to how time is being spent?

Maybe I am not talking to God enough for him to tell me what to do. To get him to guide me into his heart maybe would not work after all. There might be a need for the other way round too. Let me get drunk. I didnt drink enough.

A Great Day!

Maybe other than the part that I have to wake up very early tomorrow. Not very early, but the normal timing -.-

I am still feeling very tired. Yawn. Shall go watch video! had a great day!

Too Pro Active or Not Pro Active Enough

Where is everything? Colours.

Tired

Tired. I want to fall back to my books. Reading at other people's life without having to comment.

I should stop buying books. I think a Kindle make more sense. But seems like it also doesnt make sense as according to Lawrence.

Shall see how. it just seems like a new toy, a good toy to have.

I dont want to talk to people. I want to sleep and not wake up. But still I want someone to talk to me. I feel like drinking once again.

Shall sleep and dream of Ice Cream. I want Long John, before I cant eat again after Tuesday.

All of a sudden

Suddenly, I feel so lonely. After a not-so-lonely Friday night.

Had dinner with Yat, Khairi and his real girlfriend yesterday at Lot 1. Long john again, on a Friday night.

After that was shopping around. Saw things that I like but I couldnt bring myself to buy for myself. Counting the amount that I am left with now, how to afford Christmas Present? Got something for my sisters already though. Something useful and cheap. Cute too!

I have this crazy urge to shop, to sleep and to finish reading the book, Mao's Last Dancer. His life is so colourful! So much dance, so much pain and so much decision to make. So much determination that he have, something that I will never have.

It makes me love Ballet, makes me want to get back to dancing, for more ballet. Shall drop by PA the weekend when Lawrence isnt in Singpapore.

There are places, many places that I want to go. Finding the ____________ to go. Not time, dont know what is missing. Feel like meeting friends but I dont want to lose out in something from his life, though it would not make a big different. I dont know how to plan my time for more myself in it.

Im purely PMS-ing. It is totally true, and I totally acknowledge that and I know I just needed attention that I dont think that I deserve, yet at the same time, dying to let it be heard, yet not knowing how. Messing everything up will be the end result.

I want Mc Pancake without waking up early. I want to sleep in. I want replies fast. I want to go Keppel Bay. I want to eat Red Date Pudding. I want to eat Mac. I want to eat more Long John. I want to go Marina Barrage. I want to go Tampines One, though there is nothing to shop there. I wanna go shopping, though I know that in the end, I cant bring myself to buy anything. I want more Winnie the Pooh. I want the Kindle reader so that I can read Ebooks on that thing but it is a freaking 4oo sing at least? I want to have a big big puzzle to put together but I dont know where I can put it together. I want to settle the braces fast. I am in no appetite for food. I think after Tuesday, it will be even worse. I want to treat myself better with more tonic, but I dont know what to get. I want to watch Coco Before Chanel. I want to buy toys for Baby and Carrot, so that Carrot wouldnt bite her legs at times when she get bores with what she have. I want to eat cheesy things. I wanna eat soft cheesy things. I want cheese! I want to read more books but I think I should just save for the Kindle. It makes more sense, easier to store. I wanna play mahjong. I want people to talk to me. Someone, other than work. I hate silence. That is the truth.

We know why the music is being turned up in the car, because the silence seems unbearable. I thought seeing each other everyday is the problem, but not seeing makes things worse. Because I no longer knows what is happening.

Sometimes, I am tired of all the assumption made.

Senario 1:
A: I am always scolding C for wasting those papers
B: Do you think he will even care?
A: I will just keep scolding him again the next time I see him do that. It doesnt help when I am here saving paper and him wasting paper.
B: (Agitated) So does it means you are not going to save paper also?!
A: I dint mean it that way!

How weird can that be. I dont think A ever has the intention to waste paper just like how C does just because C is doing it. I thought A just wanted credit for saving paper!

I just feel very lonely out of a sudden. I think I should sleep. I am sleepy in the day but I cant sleep at night. I need someone to talk to me.

joker

Oh ya, did i mentioned that there was this joke of the day yesterday from a joker? totally. it teased the whole company!

The worst day in my life then

Alright, this post came a bit late. The worst day wasnt today. In fact, today is a good day!

I am typing this post now, only after confessing to the Boyfriend what happened yesterday.

Yes, Jie Yim here had a minor accident again. For the 4th time in the year. to be exact, her first year

Ok, the first time was in Bukit Batok MSCP, i scratched the bumper of the blue van, after it is out for less than 24 hours. Congrats, thats the first, I forgot what was the car plate then.

The second one was when I wasnt paying enough attention careless when I was turning out from office, in the same blue van, but with another car plate then. I overturn and it went on the kerb and i turn it down. Thats it, it tear the tyre and had to be changed. Wasted a hundred plus, close to 2 hundred out from the Boyfriend pocket. *poking finger*

The third time was just sometime ago, I over estimate my abilities. I tried to drove out from an awkward position when I was picking the van back from servicing. Argh! There is a lorry parked in front of me, with a bit of its front covering part of my headlight, and me stuck between 2 lorries. I thought it will be easy, and when I thought I am out, thats it, i did it again, I scratch the back, on the driver side. a long big one, but luckily, when I got back, i realise that it can be removed. So it isnt my paint that came off.

And yesterday! the initial plan was to get someone to send me there, knowing that it is crazy to park in the area that i am going to. But then, something happened, a flat tyre and no one can drive me there. So i tell myself, i can drive there, just look in the street directory for carparks before I go. So i did. And after going in circles, and not being able to find a lot in the open air carpark where it is alot easier to park, i decide to just park in the last choice, knowing that it is actually quite a squeezy place.

So I took the big big car, the Hyundai Trajet into the carpark of that old old hotel. Going in was easy, the slope going down seems difficult, but I went through that in a breeze. When i tour around B1 trying to get a lot, there was no trouble at all too. It is easy to drive through B1. And to my dismay, i realise there isnt any lot in B1. Thinking that maybe i have to waste the money spend on entering the carpark, my eyes lit when I realise the existance of a B2! so down I go, and when i was trying to even make my way to the slope to get down, i had to reverse twice to get properly onto the slope. I manage to do that in the end, manage to get down and parked the big car between 2 walls, which is also the only lot available. Was so proud of myself then man! But that lot is so cramp that even when I let my passenger side mirror go close to the wall, I still have trouble getting down. But still i manage to.

And after everything is done, I went back to the car. Telling myself to not trouble my own self to squeese through the door, I will board from the rear passenger seat and maneuver myself to the front seat by crawling to the front. The trajet is big enough for me to do that.

And then, I tell myself, now, be careful, going up is a lot more difficult since the slope to go up is running parallel to the slope coming down. (Seperate slope but same orientation, side by side).

So without fastening my seat belt, i went off. And just as i guess, after a small bend, i reach the slope. The bend cant even 'fit' my car la. it cant even allow me to leave my car in a position where it is perpendicular to the slope. Ok, it isnt that bad. but it is bad enough. Because, the moment i exited from that bend, i know i cant make it onto the slop without making any adjustment or reversing. So i took extra caution to reverse and be right that nothing hit. Since i scratch my back once, thats the area to look out for. But then, at that conjunction after reversing and moving forward for a set of 3 times, I was more concern in getting the front bumper save. And by letting go of the brake, the car doesnt move forward, i got no choice but to step on the accelarator. ARGH. thats it again. I heard that deadly sound. turning to the side mirror, shit, knew it. And i carefully reverse and after another 2 or 3 times of adjusting, i managed to go up scarred

i dont understand how cars can come into that car park and go out safely. Maybe small cars like a old toyota corolla, old old hondas or old old nissan can get in and out safely. But definitely not a trajet. Ok, the driver's skill play a part too. I think if it is the Boyfriend driving, then it will be a different story le. And not to mention driving a Jaguar in, Not even a Baby Jaguar... i dont think it can come out well. Shall warn the boyfriend never to drive a jag in.

The place was so bad that there is this point of time, where i turn at the time when i usually turn in MSCP, the side mirror on my driver side can almost hit the wall la. So so bad. and even with the side mirror almost hitting the wall, i know my front bumper is still not safe to go up.

Hais. thats about it. so much ranting. but nothing can be done anymore. it is a deep scratch. paint came off and the letter on it, abit too. haix. but the length is so much shorter than the 'scratches' that the blue van had before.

So that is the 4 faithful incident in the first year of my driving. And my probhation is still not up yet! I think it is to 18 november or soemthing. Shall go check that checklist that i got from the tester when i passed my driving exam.

what a great day yesterday -.-

Busy day

That is a brief outline of what my days has been like.

People out there must be wondering what are we busy with... We are busy with a lot a lot of things. Heh Heh Heh.

It is good. Feel so accomplished today, and for the fact that I manage to churn out the reports before I leave office just about 2 hours ago, that is a very big acheivement. At least now I know, nothing much else is due, other than those that I purposely choose to sit on.

Had something unpleasant happened today though. In fact 2 unpleasant issue. One shall not be shared as there isnt a need to. Another one in the morning. I heard an irritating expression from someone. What an irritating tone!

Being good and right and because of service issue, I didnt choose to reply. Politically correct that will most probably mean. But one thing is noted. The tone is different when it comes to them asking for a favour from you and when they are paying you to get something done. EXCUSE ME! Silly.

Thats about it. Names shall not be mentioned. Not like anyone know anyway, but most probably it is clear enough. Alright, shall not go around bitching much about work as that isnt right.

Haha. Enjoying Life! Enjoying Work with Great Colleague! Enjoying Love! Though darling is flying to USA soon! All the bestest though!

Silence

Sometimes silence seems to be the best thing.

You never know when the next statement will be mis-interpreted.

Clearing the mis-interpretation is more troublesome than to even not make the statement in the first place.

So be silent, silent is gold.

How a person can turn out to be like him

Back from Malaysia yesterday night. Had a good time over there though it was a rather tiring trip towards the end of it when it comes to the actual thing. Had a long drive back which gave me the chance to sleep.

Anyway, when I am back at home at night, like usual, blog surf around as what I always do and I got to that blog again. And reading her blog, I decide to go facebook.

Hmm and just as what I expected, someone new is in his life again. On his birthday, she was still wishing him happy birthday, tagging on his blog and in about 16 days, someone else tag on her facebook some happenings that she had with him.

This just means that he got himself a new girlfriend in so little days.

I wonder, doesnt all these means anything to him? He always manage to get a new girlfriend in less than 3 months after his last relationship ends and the intervals just get shorter and shorter.

First it was after me and that took him 3 months and he got a new one. After with her for almost a year, God knows when they broke up, and now with someone new. All these dont make sense. What is love to him.

Sometimes I wonder, is it because of me leaving him so suddenly that make him turn out like that. But I dont think I have the ability to affect him that much.

I remember what other people around him said at that time.
"If you think any one else will be interested in her, go ahead and let her be. Someone with achievement will never be interested in her, will not even want her."

So in the end, he was proven wrong. I remember calling him in December, when I realise I dont know who else to turn to. But I cannot imagine him being different.

He never have the ability to keep girls around him though he have the ability to attract them. He hurts them, just like how he hurt me. Maybe I am not even in the position to comment about what he did for I did something similar before.

How he says to never keep your hopes high, because the higher the hopes, the greater the disappointment.
How he always say that promises are made because they are meant to be broken.
How he always like to say what he want, what he want but he never manage to get them out.
How he always have to wake up early in the morning though he isnt really getting anything out of it.

But one thing about him is different now. Or maybe because that is a new relationship, thats why he is doing what he is doing.

He gave the new girl a pressie for her birthday, and I do know where he got that idea from. That was what I did for him then.
He can be a nice person, a nice friend, a nice boyfriend at times.

I guess I dint really affected him that much, because i dont think i have the ability to do that. How much effort he put in then, how tiring it could be to keep the relationship going then, I can still remember. I guess he needed a younger girl all the while. I am too strong for him then. But then again, that doesnt give any reasons for him to get into relationship one after another.

Just some random ramblings, hoping that things will be better for the ones hurting now. Those dont go away so easily.

A happy deepavali

Did i get that spelling right? oh well... not that i really care. i think i only cared that it gave me a holiday...

anyway, went dragonfly last night. i am firm about something. I LOVE TO DRINK. i love to get drunk. and to be able to keep yourself in control is IMPORTANT! i like that though. i concluded that you need to drink alot to get high to be able to dance mroe happily. haha. so i shall drink more the next time. hehe. :p

hmm. anyway, i drank afew glasses of blacklabel with coke. and 2 glasses of vodka lime. crazy. i think it was the vodka that made me high. -.-

and woke up at 11 this morning, went over to dear's house and went for the malay wedding. then went to his house, wanted to watch Pride and Prejudice but i think that show, you need to be really interested to be able to sit thru it. it is slow and dry and nice. :)

anyway, was feeling asleep and went to The Linear to view an apartment. not the best that you can get around. maybe it is the weather that made me not like that place. or just that i am sleepy and also not to mention that the blood is flowing and making me all uncomfortable. -.-

went back to office, took something, and asked something, and got a reply that made me feel stupid. -.- ya, maybe it is just ME that people always dont feel like talking to. but seriously, i dont even know the head and the tail and i assumed that she knew and saw the invoice already. and it just makes me feel that she dint want to entertain me, like dont undstd wad i am talking about. or rather, dont feel like bothering herself to understand what i am talking about. -.- irritating when you know that you cant offend her.

anyway, went to pass someone something and i asked where we are going and i got a reply that make me so stupid again. of course i know you need to go queensway but how do i know that if you have other plans? or i shouldnt even ask. or should i assume? or maybe i am really dumb to not see something so OBVIOUS.

and then was dinner and the stupid mosquito thing. YOU DO GET IMMUNED TO MOSQUITO BITES. not all people though.



"Some people become so desensitized that they become "immune" to the itchy bites"

thats what the webbie said and my bio teacher told me.

Apparently, when you introduce yourself to a new environment, and obviously, a new breed or group of mosquitoes, you get mosquito bites. over the days and weeks, you realise that you dont feel the itch and the swell anymore. just like when we shifted in to new office or new home, days or rather weeks later, the bites doesnt affect you anymore. simply because you are more tolerant to the saliva left behind by that group of mosquitoes.

i know the point is not about getting immune or not, but how irritating mosquito can get when they fly around.

but the thing is, i may not study alot, but there are things that i know i know. not some gossips that you hear on the streets. i do have knowledge of some kind.

like how fat molecules in your body breaks up into more when they get too fat. they split like cells and making you get fatter easier, because there is more fats molecule in your body to take in the fats. argh. thats difficult to put into words.

sometimes, it is not about me doing it and asking for it even before someone has a chance to do it or show it. sometimes, after waiting for a long time, the thing still dont happen. so about asking for kisses. it works for a few days? and thats all? and now. i just want someone to hold my hands and walk down the street or shopping centre. i dont even know how to place my hands. let them swing there? put in my pocket? fold my arms? but i will think. what if it is not he dont want to hold but just that i never let him have the chance to? so at the end of the day, my hand still hang there weirdly, with me not knowing what to do to them.

me not taking enough initiative or too much.

movies time!

Missing

Alrights, I just finished a whole story book. A really nice one and now going to bed. But I'm missing him. :( how I wish he was here next to me now. Argh! I can see him in another 7 hours! :) that makes me happier. Hehe.

NEW LAYOUT!

Love this new layout totally... cant believe i actually manage to find it... haha

was sharing with dear about the story of honey, bee and queen bee... haha... i feel so clever suddenly...

but i see the need to faster get to bed... my throat is kicking up a big fuss after 2 nights of crazy things.

Love... Can be so beautiful...

Let things stay this way, if not, better. C=

.::I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE!::.

I AM SO TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH HIM >>>>

OKIES, I SHALL NOT POSE HIS FACE.

HAHA. I LOVE LAWRENCEKIM!

that is RANDOM. i know. -.-

i wanna go medi and pedi.... :(

and he is going back army soon :( and and and... i dont want!

*CRYING AND SCREAMING AND KICKING AROUND*

:(

blogging in class

blogging in class, after lunch.
Thats all the strength that i am left with ba, i didnt get the dose yesterday, and i doubt i will get it today.
It is just another 16days to go.
it can make my heart race for an hour more and makes me want more. The silence is killing me. Knowing that it might make a turn for the worse any other moment. And of course, i will want to stick to u.

.::Random Post::.

My birthday chalet last week was a blast! :) HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY.

photos are suppose to be up soon but i dont know where is the camera now. haha.

and now, today was suppose to be a rather good day... but the big fight at home spoilt everything.

But at least things got settled and everything is much much better now.

hmm. The BOYFRIEND went on a trip to China... ok, it is just for the weekend.. but it is bad... i am missing him... :( hmm.

this is the first time he went on a trip to somewhere further than malaysia without me since we got together..

today was a busy day and im glad that it is a busy day.. time pass faster that way and my dear will come back faster. :)

and the big fight at home... hmm. actually i am worry that one day i will lose him. but i cannot imagine living the kind of life that we have now... a big fight can happen anyday. and today, the doggies fought too. baby got a bad bite. worry. hope she will recover soon. if not, it will be to the vet...

anyway, dear! faster come back!

shall go sleep and go for my shopping tomorrow!

.::this was what happened then::.

I felt what i felt a year ago. Having more than enough time on hand, not knowing how to spend them.

I got the phone that i like, i got the pouch that i want. But i am not happy. I got all those with just me, i and myself to share the joy.

I think i just need a place to hide and cry and i like where i am now. I was glad that i have this place at least.

Maybe it is the world that matter. or i just dont have a world to call it my own.

shall continue to plan for the birthday party. i left the list at home, if not i could have send the email tonight. i think i should. but maybe i should go home. i was hoping for...

How to go home with swollen eyes? I hope i fall asleep here and wake up tomorrow.

I am hungry. maybe i should eat macdonalds. i want sweettalk. it will make me feel better. i swear.

but how to buy sweettalk when you dont even know how to order.

or maybe whipcream will be good too. maybe i should just go ahead and buy a can of whipcream and not care so much.

i felt the burn from the petrol cost. it isnt cheap, but after so much, i think i should put in a bit. so i did.

and i know how lost it felt today. how u cant find your car in the carpark and you are just walking around in circles. thats the worse feeling, especially when you are trying to find a place to hide for things to fall.

i still found the car in the end. and i am glad that i manage to get out in 5 mins? suppose that is something great le.

i think i should just get macdonalds.

one tooth is feeling loose and weird, the other is feeling swollen, like the gums are growing around the metal things. who to tell these to?

i need more sleep maybe. i need to hug the pooh bear to sleep tonight.

.::The very greedy wish list::.

**EDITED**
i was informed about some birthday gift that people got for me so here i am to strike them off my birthday wishlist! =D (01/07/2009)
**EDITED**

SO HERE ARE THE ADDED ADDITIONAL THINGS ON THE WISH LIST
A1. A nice little pot of catus for me to put on my table

A2. A new handphone will be absolutely great! E73? haha

A3. okies, i know there are more on my list. but i forgot as usual... A HONGBAO will also be good

A4. oh ya! HAHA. facial or medicure pedicure packages! haha. now thats expensive. haha

THATS ALL!
FOR NOW until i think of more
So here is the very greedy wishlist for the very greedy LADY on her 21st birthday!

1. Burbery Brit Sheer

2. A new watch maybe? =p this is what i am having now. for a good 2 years i think... but mine is in black and purple. i thought the colour was unique and versatile. and i think i was right!

3. E71? haas. or just something, a handphone with a QWERTY keypad

4. A long term supply of Kinda Joy!!

5. New dresses

6. New wallet

7. New bag

8. Winnie the Pooh big cross stitch or puzzle! I dont mind putting them together myself =D

9. A I-touch will be cool too! Or maybe the new IPHONE?

Thats all folks. its just a random list =p

people say

maybe sometimes, love just aint enough.

but i think, maybe most of the time, love is the one great thing that no one can ever say he or she has enough of it

it is love that brought us through arguments and quarrels.

and to tolerate.

headache now. i think i should sleep

lost again

i feel lost. staring at the map, not knowing how to get there. even walking there i am not that sure. was always assuming that someone else will drive him there but seems like its a wrong assumption again. and and. i regret spending money last saturday only to realise that i am so broke now.

please dont ask me why and dont tell me that you people dont understand why i am always so broke. because i also dont know. and i hate the feeling now. so much so that i feel like crying.

i want to sleep early tonight. maybe i am just not getting enough sleep. i dont accept that crap. blah.

What happen when...

What happen when a toaster break down when you are dying for a piece of toast? And reminding you that it is not the first time that it break down?

Maybe it is time to get a new one. Or maybe something better than a toaster.

That isnt making sense like always.

and now. blah. it feels weird to have water in your ears. and it doesnt feel good to see your mother squating there having durian by herself, with the dogs around her, hoping to have some as well.

It doesnt feel good to know that you just disappointed someone. although it seems like a norm for me to cause disappointment in people already.

But then again. how do you work on that. put in more effort? I never know i was this bad. Yes, very bad. Beyond hope, totally not there yet.

And it doesnt help when you sit downstairs thinking of where to go or who else to talk to when you realise that there isnt someone around that you can speak to. Like before.

And maybe the only good thing now is me having the room to myself, switching off the lights and going to bed as early as i want myself to and hoping that waking up the next morning, something will just be different.

Or maybe, you werent fated to eat a toast in the first place. A toast can cause you sore throat. and it might be too hard for my teeth now. Maybe, it wasnt really the toaster but the toast in the first place.

Maybe sometime, what went through your mind at that moment when you realise that the toaster isnt working, isnt anger but just the feeling of frustration because you know that the same things seems to be happening again, and you are at a lost of trying to fix that toaster again.

Ya, maybe it wasnt anger. So what will happen when one day you realise... okies. i dont know what is there to realise.

i need to go get cotton for my nails and i need to get conditioner for my hair and i feel like buying proper pen and i feel that i should really go back to reading books.

I always wonder, why is it so difficult for guys to let girls know that they are home safely? hmm. i always make it a must to do that. and has been doing that all the while. so why do i even find it a hassle to do it now? never the case. i dont even know why that became a topic on its own. *shrugs*

oh, i got the water out of my ears. and my dog have nice teeth man, but with a slight durian smell now.

oh. it never feels good to wait for SMS...

Thats all folks. maybe i need to have some quiet time. Maybe i should go back to doing my cross stitch.

i have this feeling that tomorrow would not be that great afterall.

i feel like going back to work now and write all my film pockets.

.::I should sleep lesser::.

Hmm. So where is my current location? In the office and i am craving for durian... omg...

Using dear's lappy... i think the jieyim recently is very crazy. very temperamental, very depressing and likes to throw tantrum... i know all these, and i know i am pmsing.

maybe have the blood flowing and i will feel better. =D

but then again, it is good and important to try to make yourself happy. really. like seriously.

haha. enjoying the aircon and the quietness now...

lots of shopping recently, but didnt manage to get hold of anything personal. say shoes, and shirt. i badly need shoes. but then again. u need to get one that you really love is difficult. and knowing that i will be going out for walks tonight, i prepared myself with flats for easy walking. great me thought of that.

hmm. sometimes i think, maybe we are just so over whelmed and busy with things that caused us to leave out details and sometimes, make us thought that the other one is around when u are making a comment or something. so actually 2 days away from the office is quite alot, making me missed out things and information.

like seriously, there are things that i wasnt even present when things were being said. but then again, it is jsut a note that i realise. or maybe, it is really just me that has the problem of not being attentive enough. *shrugs* i dont know...

and now now, i am having some weird straining feeling in my teeth after lunch today... all thanks to that craving for sweet and sour pork. argh

and hmm. i feel like sleeping now. oh no. crap. this isnt something good.

and for now, i shall go and blog hop abit.. :D

The great day (01-06-2009)

Today was still a great day, today as in 01 June 2009

it is our 5TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY! YEAHNESS! :D

so it happens that it is Dear's mama bday and we went out for great food.

I TOTALLY LOVE YOU MY DEAR!

The time, the effort, the love and all the tolerance thats the most important and most needed thing

THANK YOU. while i am typing this, my dear is going to wake up in another 20 minutes time to go out and ferry the workers. =C

got to go check with the guys.

.The Weird One.

I just justified my conclusion today, just a few moment ago. Over a stupid File-and-Thumbdrive incident.

Hmm. Just last week, someone made a freaking comment on what i said in one of my previous entry...

'No wonder u no money, u spent so much on shopping and bought so many things'

Oh my goodness. come to think again, which part of the money that i spent was yours? i did rebut of course, just like what the usual me will do. And guess what the reply was?

'You still take money from Mummy'

okies. fine. so i did take money from mama. i think i took about 40 last month? but come to think again, i gave her 350 last month, out of which, 50 was for a debt from the previous month. So all in all, i gave her 300 for the last month and minusing the 40 plus that i took from her, i still gave her about 260? and again, from the 40, i intend to return her 20 cause i think i have enuff this month. so ya, all in all i dun tink i was being ridiculous in my spending until i took more than i gave my mum from her.

but then again, that isnt really the point... so i maybe earning more than you but did you even see how much i was left with after paying things every month? not to mention some of the debt left behind last month. so basically, i am left with about 400 for the whole of last month which includes the purchase of a pair of goggles, a pair of pants, a $10 dress, going cycling, the dinner, and collection of the gold thingy from queensway. so is it really alot and ridiculous for spending on those things? its considered little for a girl's shopping and to be frank, i really appreciate dear for all the love, effort time and money that he had put on me for the past 5 months. 01 June was the 5th month anniversary! :D

anyway, back to the stressful topic. crappish. hmm. was that list alot? was that list ridiculous? the amount that i spent on the pants plus the dress is even lesser than the freaking Guess wallet that you got.

SO my whole point was, did i even spend your money? i returned what i told you to help me pay for and was anything missed out? the boat ride? or was that offset by the subway meal that we had? i dont know. enlighten me please.

and then come to today, even more crap... i wanted some documents from her.. so i asked her and she told me to get it from The Thumbdrive from her bag. okies. no issue, no problem, i went to her bag, trying to find The Thumbdrive and couldnt find it on either sides of the bag. so i fliped up the white documents and her wallet and her bottle and TATA~ i saw The Thumbdrive in the plastic file. So, not knowing how to get the things out, i took out the whole file and The Thumbdrive fell out when i was taking the file out as the file couldnt be close tightly.

I went on to doing the transfer, trying to zip the files up and send to dear. then she came in... and after telling me what files to send and realising that we have trouble loading the files to attach to email, she proposed to transfer it to ANOTHER THUMBDRIVE (which obviously is from the company) so if there wasnt this case of transfer, you would not even have taken the second thumbdrive out?

and the next moment, while i was doing the transfer, she started complaining about me taking out her hard plastic file. -.- and messing her things up of course.

She was then so bloody sure that the freaking file is on top and not below some white document. so thats where the arguement begin with her feeling so bushuang, her usual guailan look. yaps.

I tried to explain what happened and mention that there was something on top of the file but the guailan TAN JIE BIN refuse to accept.

so and being the typical guailan jieyim, i tried to 'enlighten' her that THE THUMBDRIVE was MY THUMBDRIVE to begin with, so maybe she shouldnt have been so rude and taken things for granted.

Not to mention that period of time when she losses my thumbdrive and not knowing where was it.

Yaps, i have to agree, when jieyim is bu shuang, she just wanna find things to fight about. but then again, what was wrong this time? so i was suppose to keep quiet and let her think that she is right?

no one in the right mind will go and dig up the stupid file if it is really on top. because i believe and can visualise that if it is really on top, with just the wallet on top of it, it will have been much easier to open the file to take and not needing me to take out the whole file and before that, having to feel the sides of the bag for MY THUMBDRIVE.

so that leads to the big quarrel. maybe you should learn to be more appreciative. the thumbdrive didnt come easy... there is a reason why i got it. and then when i got it and mama told me that you needed it, i gave it up to you and bought myself a harddisk, also for you and chun to store things. but never in the whole process was i thank for it nothing that i remember la and at that time, just last year, for me to spend the money to buy a thumbdrive and harddisk wasnt something easy, because i was spending even more than what i am doing now.

but maybe to let you have the thumbdrive in the first place was something that i SHOULD do, not something out of my goodwill. that makes you not even considering getting yourself a thumbdrive or getting one to return me. so it has technically become 'YOURS'

crap. and she still think that she is right. just the as always crappy sisters that all my previous friends used to agree with me. Weird girl with a Weird Temper.

.::I realise::.

Feeling tired physically. maybe thats why now at this hour, i am feeling slightly down... -.-



Had a great day, going around and going east coast park. And i realise things at the end of the day..



Just had a talk with my mother and i realise how strong she was and how strong she is now to be able to go through so much. How she was able to put up with the bad temper, the big family, the drunk husband everyday, the tiring work life, the naughty kids till now, the worrying kids that she have.



But maybe i never inherit those from her to be the strong woman in someone else's life yet.



I realise all those needs a lot of effort and courage to get through. Maybe all that matters was courage...



I always believe that sucidal people are people who are plain idiots. They had the courage to jump off a building but not the courage to face their problems.... They are just a bunch of selfish people who threw whatever burden they have to friends and family members by simply leaving this world and getting free.



And i realise, the amount of strength and courage that she have to put into her past life, was so much so that it might justify for killing herself and yet she didnt. The amount of betrayal, the amount of beating and arguing sometimes make me wonder why are they even together. And that makes me determined to not let that happen in my own life.



The past few days, there were great msg from her...



How she tell me to appreciate fate and destiny for bringing 2 people together, how things are plan and to look on the bright side of things, and like what she told me just now, smiling at things might just make matters better in someways and end up with happy moments. I know, ultimately, she just doesnt hope her daughter took the path that she took and have to go through great pain to worry about things and yet live an unhappy life...



That msg almost make me tear, even now to think of it...



Can i be unhappy tonight?



And i wonder about another thing... At times, when the fact is right infront of you, why will someone choose to not accept it? I saw the typical thing today and i wonder if anyone understand how bad he felt.



I dont know how can someone stand that. it is extremely unbelieveable how bad people can get. how they can totally ignore the main objective of the day and still scold the one...



then i ask myself, does he not see that or choose to not see that. and i wonder how to help him if he never let himself realise all that or just simply choose to run away from all that?



Alright. and for today, i had a good day. a really great day except for some small hipups here and there. but generally, a well spent day. C=



Went to work and drove the guys to work.



TOTALLY LOVE THE CZC! that small, convertible, manual and only devil in singapore! It is so nice to drive that car. the handling and the gear and the power of the car! I LOVE THAT CAR. ok -.- it feels great to drive a car that can 'move' hahahahah



oh then after that dear drove the van out and we went to pick the guys back from work and then we went forlunch before settling stuff and went home to wash up.



We went on to collect food for the bbq and that stupid road construction at wan lee area. crap. darn crap. all the stupid contractors... poor management!



and then was to the bbq and my slipper broke. ALRIGHT i need to get a new pair next month le... -.- not now. this month jieyim had spent quite alot on shopping though i dont really remember what i bought. =p

And how did i spend the night without my slippers? i was deciding between whether i should let dear carry me or should i wear his slipper then he go without slipper for the night. =p haha. alright, that was a stupid joke. in the end, my dear went without his slippers and i know that hurts!

on the medical side, it will give u a chance to transfer all the negative ions to the ground and make urself healthier. =p



i did bought a pair of purple pants that i think look like a shirt but i kind of regreted on the colour. but seems like it is still ok. Wait till the stock from uniqlo are out and i will got get the tank tops. =D



I need more tank tops!



I got a dress as well, spent on things here and there and this remind me. it is about time to list out my wishing list... =p birthday coming! and my fragrance is finishing and it is killing me to see it go down so fast. maybe will get some help with buying cheaper fragrance soon...

tata~! got to go blog surf and read my book! oh crap. photos not up yet. and i look ugly in those photos!

lala~

Haha... So this is how u feel when u r blogging from a blackberry.

that is to love

Thank you for sending me and the naughty one to SPCA.

Thank you for picking me and my mother up.

Thank you for that great meal.

Feeling guilty. for the things that were said. knowing that those are things that i wish to put across but also knowing that he did alot.

I LOVE YOU!

.::A better day::.

Tonight was a good night. the time alone, was the best that i can ever ask for. The smile and laughter and stupid jokes, were things that lighten everything up and made me forget how to cry.

Thats love. Love was with me all the while. But sometimes other things were put before it and it never weigh as much.

Not making sense. but one thing here sounds right. I love him.

.::What happen when...::.

*EDITED*
What happen when things that you thought of are deemed as always wrong?
can you dont always think that way?

What happen when there isnt much or anything else to talk about?
admit it, you are just worried that you will say the wrong thing thats why you stop talking

What happen when things that upset you are just every little things in life or every little conversation made?
to laugh or smile it off is the best way out, because nothing commented matters anymore

What happen when you realise you are never there, never enough and yet you can never want the things that badly enough to show people that you are trying hard enough. so what is enough?
mama said the expectation is always there and i am expected to be there

What happen when you realise you are no longer the one who made the one laugh or be happy?
how to let people understand that i can never be the happy one alone

What happen when you know that you are realising more and more things that you have to change when the old you was someone who was so resistant to changing anything in your life?
i know all these will bring me further and longer on, but maybe it is all too much or maybe i just skip too much parts in my life that i only have myself to blame

What happen when you realise there is no longer anywhere else that you can vent or tell people what you are going through except to write them all down and maybe one day people will understand?
or maybe mama can do the job, but how to let her know all these when i know that nothing she say can help anymore.

What happen when you realise that you can no longer ask for more when you were told that you already have alot and should be contented?
what about asking for more. somethings are just so deep inside that i dont even know what i really want so how do i even ask for it. or maybe something to begin with, i need someone to just ask me about a scratch that i had.

What happen when you realise that you can no longer be that weak one who cry all the time?
staring into space and going through all the bad things help because as times goes by, nothing feel that bad anymore like now

What happen when you realise you are always deem as being negative?
i am negative to begin with. believe in horoscope and you will know that the negative cancer is super negative or maybe people will just think that it is me

What happen when you realise no one is talking to you online le?
you didnt talk to anyone to begin with

What happen when you realise that all these unhappiness will only bring more anger and yet you still choose to say them here?
hoping that one day what i get will not be frustration or anger in return

What happen when you know that all the while what others want is understanding and that is also what you want?
i know i dont know what i need someone to understand but i do know that the amount of things that others goes through is deem to be more worse off then what i went through[which i agree (in fact, people think that there is nothing in my life that is bad at the moment and therefore nothing needs to be taken into consideration for being understanding.) ] mine is really nothing but does being understanding means putting up with all frustration and irritation? or really it is only me to be blame?

What happen when a new day begins tomorrow?
nothing much will change or maybe i should hope for the days before the terms begin, and i will still be the one who will smile at things.

Nothing much matters anymore because when you realise people around you are jumping at you, you can only convince your own self that you have only yourself to blame. Things that you say are always wrong, things that you commented will send irritated looks flying your way from even OTHER people, you have only yourself to blame.

You are not there yet. Not up to expectation yet.

But one thing is for sure. I am like that because of LOVE

Personality test

My personality test: http://www.ipersonic.com/test.html

My Type: Dreamy Idealists

Dreamy Idealists are very cautious and therefore often appear shy and reserved to others. They share their rich emotional life and their passionate convictions with very few people. But one would be very much mistaken to judge them to be cool and reserved. They have a pronounced inner system of values and clear, honourable principles for which they are willing to sacrifice a great deal. Joan of Arc or Sir Galahad would have been good examples of this personality type. Dreamy Idealists are always at great pains to improve the world. They can be very considerate towards others and do a lot to support them and stand up for them. They are interested in their fellow beings, attentive and generous towards them. Once their enthusiasm for an issue or person is aroused, they can become tireless fighters.

For Dreamy Idealists, practical things are not really so important. They only busy themselves with mundane everyday demands when absolutely necessary. They tend to live according to the motto “the genius controls the chaos” - which is normally the case so that they often have a very successful academic career. They are less interested in details; they prefer to look at something as a whole. This means that they still have a good overview even when things start to become hectic. However, as a result, it can occasionally happen that Dreamy Idealists overlook something important. As they are very peace-loving, they tend not to openly show their dissatisfaction or annoyance but to bottle it up. Assertiveness is not one of their strong points; they hate conflicts and competition. Dreamy Idealists prefer to motivate others with their amicable and enthusiastic nature. Whoever has them as superior will never have to complain about not being given enough praise.

As at work, Dreamy Idealists are helpful and loyal friends and partners, persons of integrity. Obligations are absolutely sacred to them. The feelings of others are important to them and they love making other people happy. They are satisfied with just a small circle of friends; their need for social contact is not very marked as they also need a lot of time to themselves. Superfluous small talk is not their thing. If one wishes to be friends with them or have a relationship with them, one would have to share their world of thought and be willing to participate in profound discussions. If you manage that you will be rewarded with an exceptionally intensive, rich partnership. Due to their high demands on themselves and others, this personality type tends however to sometimes overload the relationship with romantic and idealistic ideas to such an extent that the partner feels overtaxed or inferior. Dreamy Idealists do not fall in love head over heels but when they do fall in love they want this to be a great, eternal love.

AT WORK
As a Dreamy Idealist you are one of the introverted personality types. Therefore you prefer a quiet work environment where you can intensively deal with your responsibilities and are not disturbed by too many people and repeated distractions. You need a lot of time to dwell on your thoughts, to put them into words, and let your ideas take shape.You are grateful for a certain measure of order and structure because they secure the time to achieve this so you can deal with one task after the other and not have to juggle a number of responsibilities at once - you don’t like that because it is important to you to deal with things thoroughly. Your capability to concentrate is unusually great and very often you become engrossed in something and forget everything around you - even to eat and drink.Nevertheless, because you are very adaptable, congenial and interested in harmony and cooperation, you enjoy working together with others. A neighborhood that requires the ability to assert yourself and where direct confrontations are the order of the day is not your optimal environment. In order to permit you to fully develop your ability you need an environment that is as stress free as possible. If you can’t get that you soon suffer, because you take critique and negative feedback very personally.

AT LOVE
Fantasies, dreams, and ideals, play an important role in your life. In your heart, you carry visions of a better world where the wolf plays with the lamb, and the creeks carry milk and honey. Naturally, this also applies to the subject of love. You are absolutely convinced that your perfect other half with whom you can merge into the perfect oneness, exists somewhere in this world. You are obviously aware that this extraordinary gift won’t just land in your lap, but you are willing to wait for a long time and sacrifice a lot, if necessary, to reach this vital goal. “Per aspera ad astra,” or “Through the night to the light,” is your motto. As all Idealists, you tend to raise your chosen partner up on a sky-high pedestal - especially at the beginning of a relationship. Essentially, you have excellent insight into human nature but when you are in love, you obviously throw all of that out the window. That can be the only explanation why you aren’t able to see even the smallest blemish on this person. “Idealizing” does not even begin to describe this process, „idolizing“ is probably closer to the truth. All the way up there on that pedestal, your partner is probably already getting dizzy and asking him/herself what he/she has done to deserve this unconditional adoration in the first place. But then, who would not like to see him-/herself mirrored as the perfect person in the eyes of a loving other? On the other hand, it is a real challenge to meet your ideal of love and romance in everyday life. Sooner or later, you are going to be disappointed to find out that you haven’t gotten a hold of an angel nor a superman, but just a normal person with all the inherent strengths and weaknesses. Now the question is, can you love your partner as he/she is and not as you would like for him/her to be?

The love of my life

Love picked me up and took me out. just like how he always do and how he did about 10 months ago.

letting me know that i deserve better and that he can show me the world.

but to me, the silly one, only to realise that he is there only after he picked me up.

and when i am down, shutting down all forms of connection with him, yet at the end of the day, i always know that he is there.

that is the reason why my world revolve around him. and why it is him and why he is the one.

i know he is there, and Love will be there.

and you know who you are. I LOVE YOU!

hmm. korea photos... coming coming. =D

how it feel to be abandoned

i think the feeling is right at this moment.

there are so many things that i have to learn, in fact everything that was with me for the past few years doesnt seem right. i have to relearn them.

and that includes learning how to not plan your time in according to one person and in the end realise that you are alone to spend the time that you planned.

the first time since a while ago.

take the chance to clear your mind and hope.

.small things in life.

to be able to convey something across nicely. and not end up with something bad.

avoid getting on people's nerves and avoid making people angry making me dont know what to talk about.

didnt acknowledge doesnt mean didnt notice or realise.

or maybe i am just so dumb but i did realise

.the trip for me.

okies... finally, i am back from Korea and it was a really cold trip. very very glad that i borrowed the purple jacket from aunty... if not, i think i will die there. haha..

and now, i was suppose to be sorting out the photos now but then again, i realise that the SD card is too high class and too high tech for my computer to read. so now i have difficulty even reading the photos. so i suppose i have to post the photos only some other time. but before that, it will be a draft of what we went through... :)

We departed from Singapore on the 22nd April but we were suppose to check in on the 21st April. and the worse thing that happened to me during the trip is me having my menses just after i checked in.. -.- sianed...

but anyway, we flew to Shanghai and reached Shanghai at about 5am. the next flight to Jeju is 5 hours away. and so we went to check in to one of the hotel near the airport and slept for 2 hours? haha. i think so.

and then we went on to the flight to jeju and upon touching down, we see our tour guide standing there waiting for us... Xiao Yan. haha. and we were brought to have our lunch. super hungry. -.-

we had some local korea food before crossing the street to go and view the YongDuam Rock... had a difficult time trying to differentiat which is the head and body of the so call dragon. at least for me. -.-

had a taste of how cold it can be and we climb around all the rock form from the vocalno eruption lava in slippers for me and dear. haha.

next was up the bus and to the Mysterioud Road of Jeju which really left us puzzle. it ming ming look up slope but water are all flowing down! so in the end, we decided to just go back and read up more about that road from the internet and stop trying to decide whether it is an optical illusion or what.

and next was to an undergroud shopping arcade in Jeju which there isnt anything much that we can really see

but after the shopping trip, we made use of the last few minutes that we have and ran into this gong dian near the shopping arcade, just the 3 girls and took photos. :D

next was to the hotel. something simple but comfortable. we went out to explore and walked around with the aunties who are in the tour group with us... and dint manage to get much. in the end, we went to this beer house run by a couple and had a drink and some bbq meat that dear dear loved. haha

the next day was some very nice breakfast that is actually buffet like but not international buffet. then was a sightseeing at the Sungsan Sunrise Peak, had an experience of how cold it can really get again and got a nice view of the place. went to get the Jeju chocolate as well. dear got some really nice keychains.

next was the Seop Jikoji where All In was shooting was done i think, if i dint get the names wrong. and then after some bbq lunch which i really had a difficult time eating, we went for the ATV ride and i wasnt really something amazing but a good try and it will be better if we had a try of the go-cart.

then was to the Jeju fold village and take alook at where da chang jin shooting was done. took photos and didnt really explore much but dear dear went to kiss the stone structure. :D will post up the photos. :D

and then was to Jusang JeolLi where we get to look at how amazing the work of nature can be... how smooth the side of the stones are and how the other different lines are formed.

then was to the amazing place that i alwats awanted to go! The Teddy Museum. i think i missed the pooh bear teddy but it is ok, all the other teddys are all so cute. including the one that i am hugging to sleep everynight. dear bought one bear for me. :D the price is crazy. -.- and we took photos with this really big big bear and then tried to look like we are in this old car with a crazy bear.

then was out for dinner and back to the hotel. we decide to not go out but in the end decide to went out for coffee. glad that we made the trip. we manage to get the korea dolls that my mama asked for and got seaweed and also magnets that dear want. oh, he got bear magnet from the teddy museum as well! :D and we got to a great shopping street.

next was to have donut and then to back to the hotel to have games of asshole dadi.

then was a transfer flight to busan. first we went to Donghwa Temple, which is freaking cold. really. no joke. then after all the photos. nothing much amazing, we went to Herbland and manage to take cute photos and bought the herb bags that aunty want and got one for my mama which i totally forget about untill now.

then we went on to the Spa valley and had a taste of what it is like to have the traditional body scrup and soaking naked. omg. but the scrup was nice. :D and we tried the doctor fish again. maybe to me it is really nothing. tried it in kl for 3 times?

then was check in to another hotel which was alright and we end up having games and sparkling juice till late hours.

then the next day was a long rideand we end up at the wine museum and their traditional craftworks museum. bought wine and next was to the maisan after lunch and had experience of how cold it really get. but we maaneg to get up and down without freezing to death.

dear had a race with bin bin and injured himself again.

after that, we went to Muju resort hotel. great hotel! it has a king size bed and a nice balcony which dear and i were lucky to get. but it was a rather warm night. went to explore around and got into this hello kitty shop and did some shopping. saw snow! really. just some small snow flakes and went to have a drink at the bar in the hotel. then was to the room for some games after i have help dear massage his leg. and to bed, feeling very very warm.

then the next day was to Everland. will talk more about that. Lappy dying. haha. :P

.::something on::.

and that was a stupid title because i know... i am only typing someting now only for the sake of typing. so many things locked up within and i need someone to talk to but then again, i know i cant...

the time spent doing cross stitch and the time spent staring into space is the best now i guess.

today service was great... think alot and realise that no matter how alone you are, He will always be there with you...

i know i am getting people worried. maybe not people but just one person.

maybe somethings are just not meant to be. or maybe i am just not meant to be. and sometimes when you have alot of time to urself, thinking too much becomes a problem. or maybe dont think is the problem. i am not thinking enuff. my brain is not good enuff.

no no, not making any senses here anymore. oh no... haas

and will just need to learn to smile and laugh more.

i need to sleep more now maybe... random thoughts are nothing good.

Bad things

JieYim just have to admit that she is plainly just faster at posting bad stuff and unhappy things as compared to the good and happy ones...

Lets recap... for the first time, someone around me passed away was 25th September 2008. i dont really know how to cry... it just weird when the funeral came to and end and you reaslise that whatever happened is for real and that you no longer have a grandma... and i still remember visiting my grandmother, she was still ok and talking about discharging although things she said dont really make sense as usual... just like a kid... and my dad lost his mother like that...

then come the next that was a shock was somewhere near the end of december, really near to new year, i lost an aunt, my mum's eldest sister... not someone close as she stayed real far and at that point of time, i have more than enough trouble on hand for me to handle than to be there for my mother... i still remember visiting my aunt in the hospital... she was alright then...

then come the next, after 52 days from my aunt's departure, my grandpa left... my mother lost her father and i lost my only grandparent left. i dint feel like crying at all during those few days and like before, until things are about to come to an end, i realise how sad my mother was... i never see her cry so badly before... i still remember how badly she cried then..

and now, yesterday? in less than 14 days, to be exact, 11 days, my mother lost her brother to heart attack... i think my mother is crying in bed now... thinking about whatever that happened the past few months...

i think she will cry again on wed... he was the one closer to her, other than her younger sister... the brother whom she stayed with before getting married...

maybe i should be thankful that there was someone there beside him to pull the handbrake of the car when he collapse... maybe it is all arranged and fated... with all the sufferings coming to an end...

even my mother's cousins feel the pain... i saw the tear in their eyes when they told me how he passed away... i miss their smiles suddenly...

i am tired.

Things in life

Sometimes, somethings in life are just meant to be... i dont know what that means... maybe what you deserve will stay with you until He decide to take it away from you.

I am not making much sense out of what i typed. i just want to type something. i want to have a place to rant. i want to rant.

what to do?

SMILES~!

Secret

Rewsna Eth Lilw Eimt? Hguone Si Tahw ?Eno Eht I Ma? Tiiml Eht Si Erehw? Esorw Teg Tsuj Ti Lliw? Yb Og Syad Sa Rteteb Eb Sgniht Lliw ?Gnorw Tenw Tahw? Ecnereffid Eht Deusac Tahw, Rendow Ot Tatrs I

dont ask me... if you get it, it is yours. i swear i wouldnt say. C=

.::Being happy::.

I am back to the me a few weeks ago, happy me.

So many things happened, should we be thankful for the 3 weeks or should we regret having that 3 weeks in our life? We cannot come to a conclusion because we all know that the 3 weeks meant something and without the 3 weeks, things will be different.

Living life to the fullest in the days to come and trying to think of what will happen in the near future.

This is the feeling of missing someone.

I am feeling that now.