.::worried::.

~*what do some girls do when they are scared or worried?*~
~*either they cry or the laugh like no ones business*~

hmm.. i think i am no way nearer to either one.. maybe more to the bad side? i mean.. i am worried.. i really hope you are ok.. i feel like slapping myself now..

i was reading through my archives.. then i realise how bad i was in the past and how sad i was in the past.. yes.. reading through archives do make you cry and make you sad.. haix...

then i here i am to tell someone something

]do not be afraid that you will forget
]for i will be there with you to remind you
]let that be my job will you?

off to more mugging and to bed!!! hmm.. i cant really think now.. i only know i am worried.. haix...

sorry about that entry

.::today::.

~*i think i am really ok le*~

ok.. seriously.. something is getting on my nerves and because of that, no more fried food and more water...

something is just so wrong with my right cheek.. stupid outbreak.. really irritating.. i have done all that i can le... haix...

then today.. my intuition told me something.. she still have feelings.. girls just know this kind of things...

she has that kind of courage to call you.. if i was her, i will avoid having any contact with you for i will fear the feeling coming back or the feeling growing stronger... this show just how much more she still hope that everything that had happened are just a dream and that calling you may make you realise that you still need her and stuff like that.. i bet that is what she is thinking.. from a girl's point of view...

hmm.. i think i am ok with it.. still feeling weird somehow.. not dont trust, just feeling weird... i mean.. who wouldn't?

then i realise.. i used to hate that song, Everytime We Touch... cause of that particular blog entry on that particular day.. but that day when you listen to it, i realise.. hmm.. seems like it is better le? i should try listening to it later... haas..

hmm... so conclusion is: i think i am ok with it le.. just feeling abit weird.. and please.. I CANT TAKE SHOCK... so STOP scarying me.. rarr.. before i cry...

whatelse.. ? hmm... stressed... i finally feel stressed up bahs.. there are only 3 things in my life now... C=

~*JIAYOU!*~
~*SMILES*~
~*hmm... *~

.::huh?::.

dont know what to write

nothing to write

nothing much today

tired now

maybe hyped too much

but i am still quite hyped now

i mean i can be hyped now

i think have to see who i am dealing with

ok...

oh

the first 3-dots that i put today

i realise i like to put alot of dots too

hmm

tired bahs

ya

what was i thinking about?

i was thinking about something and i forgot

nevermind

~*smiles*~

.::mugging::.

~*it is cold*~

ok.. i am refering to both the things that i have spoken about today and the temperature now..

near my computer, should be warm.. ya.. but i mean.. hot but i am feeling just nice.. i think i will still on aircon later.. hmm.. then i am in my track pants... 0.0 hmm.. scare cramp mahs.. haas...

i had macflurry just now.. think back.. i cant remember what is the thing that brought me to the mac at the cc there...

today? happy day... thats the only that i will say bahs.. haas.. the rest? in the book.. C=

if i say one day you will know, i really mean one day you will know.. i mean.. get to read...

hmm... i really dont know what to say.. maybe thank you? other than those words?
hmm.. ya.. thank you.. that is the word bahs...

i made a conclusion about the scandal.. i think i should not mention it here.. muahhaahaha...

i am just wondering.. and i suddenly remember what i used to put on my blog about the few qualifications that my partner should have.. hmm.. know me... know what i am thinking.. i think that was one of it.. hmm.. haas.. it is a good thing...

ok.. to writing of book and then to work.. hmm.. target.. finish biology tutorial.. cant go pa.. haix.. but i will go next week!!! C=

`i think this is the real me bahs... i mean.. i dont really think anything changed...
`the question.. i think i didnt answer... the real you, the fake, the good, the bad, the nice, the bad tempered one? i dont know.. but i know i choose this path and i hope it will be 'Forever & ever babe' C=
`i hope you feel the same C= that is life...

people out there... remember i once said? love is accepting someone and yet at the same time be willing to change for that person...

ok.. love someone the way they are cause that is the thing that you love about them.. hmm.. make sense? i hope so..

ok.. another place down.. 2 more to go? haas.. FIREWORKS...!!! C=

~*smiles*~
~*JIAYOU!!!*~
~* C= *~

.::hmm::.

~*say it out*~

hmm... what a day... a nice experience... hmm.. i mean.. going in without tickets... haas.. when was the last time i saw daryl? hmm... ok.. nevermind.. i think he sounded quite bu shuang when he was asking me why i went out today and didnt go back nanhua after so long.. hmm... i think la...

nevermind... he also got missing in action before ah.. hmm.. nothing.. just think that sometimes really need to MIA at times one.. hmm...

then what? i had this stupid argument with yongxuan.. and it is obvious it is stupid.. i mean.. haiz.. really dont know what to say.. but i know that he hit me on my hand quite pain ok.. hmm...

someone told me he is starting to miss dance.. it is normal.. someone tried to talk to me yesterday when i was super busy and i just did not talk to that person.. kind of feeling bad.. hmm.. i thought of that person today when i was drinking iced tea...

nevermind.. haix.. i was trying to write into the book today, but some clever people tried to peek.. someone who look like ru hua.. rarr

i hope you are ok..

thats all... not really in the mood to type... maybe more in the mood to write... hmms...

~*smiles*~
~*let me keep them in my mind*~
~*memories*~
~*my friends*~
~*hope we will still be after O level*~
~* C= *~

.::today? tomorrow? click::.

~*is that life?*~

so if there is this remote control that you can control whatever things in life, will you choose to own it?

fast forward or skip chapters and give those unhappiness a miss? have memories only of the happy things? but what will life be like when that day comes?

unhappy things are there to magnify the happy things.. to let even the slightest little thing that happened to you in a day to be something nice and great...

when the whole day just seem to be just full of shit and someone comes along and give you a smile... what a blissful feeling can that be? something small but yet it brightens your day...

ya.. that is life.. what is life without all the downs?

had a great day.. how should i say? went to places that i never go before.. and it is just good to walk around, no motive..

for those times, let me spend time without a motive or a goal, just to walk with you...

isn't that just a nice feeling? i mean.. maybe i am tired of walking alone.. someone to walk with me.. someone that i can close my eyes and just follow.. someone that i trust will know the way to the right place...

maybe guide me to my future?

my life.. i lead it the way i want.. and i want that someone to be part of it... without the downs, will there be ups?

this is getting more and more random.. is it because happy things never comes onto my blog, or is it because there are just too many things that i can blog about that make me feel lazy to just list everything out? or is it that happy things are meant for me to know?

so today, i had ups and downs.. is this considered the first argument? ok.. hold on.. i am not angry.. i am not sad.. ok.. i dont know what i am feeling.. d=

my tutor suggested the whole class staying overnight in school to do biology revision and tutorial.. cool suggestion right? omg.. lol... looking forward to it.. C=

~*smiles*~
~* C= *~
~*let me learn to trust totally*~
~*sorry*~
~*time*~

.::hmm... thats just how bad it feel::.

~*that feel so so bad*~
~*i didnt realise*~
~*worse than last week?*~
~*ya.. i think so*~

ok.. woke up this morning.. had about an hour more sleep than usual... cause today do cip at st luke what.. hmm.. ok.. this morning was ok.. but when i reached boon keng and i start to think...

hmm... if that day you didnt bring me through that route, i doubt i will know how to get to boon keng today... then when i reached that market at boonkeng, i remembered us seeing a sweettalk there and i went to get a drink.. ok.. it is very early.. today is an unhealthy day.. i hope i dont fall sick.. ok.. i am ok already.. haas...

then when i reached boonkeng, we started crapping away.. and i tried to find someone to go plaza singapura with me.. .but no one seems interested... ah... whatever... plaza singapura is not that sian a place ok? spotlight rocks.. random...

then went to the place for cip.. and things were rather ok until someone called... i mean.. i was already thinking and thinking and thinking... hearing the voice of that someone made me felt worse.. hmm...

then that was around lunch time.. and i was so so totally sian diao after lunch.. sat around, do nothing... then when things end, i tried to drag my friends to plaza singapura again.. then i suggested movie this time round.. ok.. abit stupid... nothing real nice that i can watch with them...

then i went home.. on the bus trip.. i start to realise.. so it is really that bad a feeling to be missing someone... someone told me it is painful that it keeps coming back.. i didnt really understand that 2 weeks ago, but this 2 weeks, i understand and experience what and how bad it really feel...

i think this is just the aftermath of spending too much time tgether during weekends? maybe? hmm... not angry or not unhappy about things... just feeling abit sad or down?

then slept on the trip back.. alighted thinking that i should just go straight home for nap... walk half way.. crave for those orange ice cream.. ok.. not ice cream, no milk content ones.. nice nice.. since last night i am craving for it le...

then went to search for it in the market.. got it and tapioca chips.. munching away now..so i hope that i dont fall sick... d=

going to sleep and finish my work before 9!!! C=

~*SMILES*~
~*listen to the song again*~
~*A Whole New World*~

.::the problem is solvable::.

~*maybe i should not have gone there*~

i dont know.. it is like.. when i first went there, i see the people that i used to see when i was young.. ok.. hmm... the old feeling.. then i suddenly realised.. i am 18 already...

then i saw this uncle, dancing away to the music.. then i recall when i first met him... when i was primary 6, my dad set up a stall in bukit batok selling fishball noodle and laksa... so that uncle come everyday for noodle... hmm.. always sit at one corner and dancing and shaking his head to the music... how many years have passed?

then i saw this uncle who own the bread stall near that coffee shop where my dad's noodle shop is located... he live somewhere near where i am staying now.. hmm.. i walked past him dont know how many times and yet he no longer remember me... those times... when i helped out at the stall.. the whole coffee shop knows who i am and who my dad was.. those friends... gone... and today i came to realise... about 6 years have passed...

ok.. that is not very long and not very short either.. enough for you to remove someone out of your life and forget who that person is... so.. it is rather long afterall?

then i sat there and i started to entertain a little girl.. i know her since she was young.. i used to think that she is a spoilt brat until last year... realise she is in NDP'05 also.. and realised she knew one of my junior... and realise, she is actually not that bad afterall...

played with her today at the table... with her father trying to stuff me with food... seven people sharing food for 10 people? thats alot... nevermind.. played and eat... and played those kiddo games that i am not even playing with my sisters now... she is only 9... then i was thinking.. ok.. so i do have a way out with kids... can prove someone wrong le... i also can be tender loving care one ok? ok.. back to topic... then tried to run away when i was tired of playing with her and having so much food.. so i took her to the playground...

ok.. thats when i realise, she is somehow still a spoilt brat.. omg.. being the only child at home... excluding the kids that his dad's ex wife have la... i asked her to leave the playground.. die also wouldn't leave... omg.. really.. almost shouted at her... but i didn't... i faced her with a smile on my face throughout the whole night ok? she is not my kid... if she is mine.. i think i have a better way out.. i tried to get her to leave the playgrond for 15 minutes before i succeed ok? rarr... ok..

went back.. stuffed food down my throat again and went up to grandmother house to look for my mother... ok.. this is the whole big chunk of depressing thing that make this blog entry sound so down and sad today...

i came from a family.. a family with 2 sisters and of course my parents... my maternal.. having peace and harmony.. paternal.. something that is totally opposite from what my maternal side is having.. what can i say?

how many uncles i have? aunties? my grandmother gave birth to 18 children... deducting the one that is being killed by lightning... i am SUPPOSE to be left with 17.. erm.. hello... the number is wrong and never will it be right... my dad is SUPPOSE to be the 2nd son at home... but apparently, just a few years ago, someone popped up and claim to be older than my dad... hmm.. i didn't see that uncle this year though...

so.. i dont have 17 aunties and uncles in count and i am lazy to count them again.. and it is quite impossible to draw a family tree for my father side.. it is not just complicated but also a whole BIG chunk...

then come the big thing recently.. who to take care of grandma.. she stayed with us and we realised that her presence was not pleasant...
should i blame her for whatever wrong things that she had said before to others that is causing a hell lot of misunderstanding among my relatives?
should i blame her for not teaching her children the right thing to behave and do to their old age parents?
should i blame my relatives for their bad temper?
should i blame my aunties for having the mindset that my grandma's welfare no longer concern them?
should i blame my uncles for not just not wanting to help, but also not wanting to fork out money to pay for things?
should i just blame them for being selfish?
should i blame them for their shallow thinking?
should i blame them for not sparing a thought for grandma?
or should i just blame her for having too many children and blame fate?

i really dont know.. and how i wish that one day, if some other dispute regarding this happens again, i wouldn't happen infront of me..

when something happen and i cant help, i feel useless and lost.. and i never like being lost...

my mother had this conversation with my uncle and his wife today.. it all dragged back to the same thing..

i think some may agree that she deserve what she have today, given that she never care for all her children, she is biased and things like that... but.. i bet she never expect something so so bad in return.. not a single one caring for her.. nevermind.. not a nice topic.. putting it up here dont help and maybe i should just talk to you about it.. but what is the whole point of talking about it anyway? it dont help right? it does not concern me right from the start... maybe i should just shut up... as long as they dont come and disturb me can le...

then hmm... struggled home by cab with that huge bottle of wine.. it is heavy de lor.. one hand that, another hand 5kg rice.. really superman's ...hmm... le... felt so proud of myself just now...

then talk on the phone.. hmm... i was thinking.. say i not a single bit jealous is a lie.. how can i not be jealous right? i mean.. i only get jealous if i mind and i care.. so.. i mind and i care.. so i got jealous.. just abit.. but the reasonable me got me to keep things down... not losing stupid and silly and unreasonable tempers, etc...

ok.. missing someone badly.. haix.. i know it is mutual.. that is the happy thing bah... C=

~*smiles*~
~*currently missing my bed*~
~* d= *~

.::blog blog blog::.

~*hmmm*~

ok.. i should talk about somethings here.. hmm.. i remembered that i want to blog about them yesterday but i totally forgot about it.. rarr...

what i went through was kind of the worse after these few years...

first, during morning assembly.. felt this weird pain in my tummy.. omg.. i know the time is near but i didnt expect that kind of pain... rrrr... then felt so bloated the whole day.. omg.. kill me please...

ok.. guys must be thinking that this are so so obsene... lol.. dont care... not happy? can click on that cross up there...

hate it.. having out breaks... i hate it... omg.. i mean.. this time of the month.. this is just so bad...

then today.. went to buy something... the lady first was so black when she was handling the customer before me... then i finally realise why.. the girl is calling her AUNTIE. hello.. she is only like 20plus... AUNTIE? abit too high class le bahs.. then when she serve me, i addressed her as miss and she is smiling so happily.. lol... she deserve it...

then today.. i start work and got cheng jiu gan... about to finish one le.. how many should i do? hmm.. we shall see...

ok.. going for that dinner tonight.. something funny happened in school today... C=

my form teacher, Mr Lim.
my cute and hen hao suan de class representative, WeiJing.

[WeiJing]LAOSHI!!! *veri happy, dont know why*
[Mr Lim]wah, you like that very scary leh, today is only the first day leh *giving that funny and disturbing look, suanning weijing*
[WeiJing]huh? *apparently dont know that she is still being suaned*
[Mr Lim]you so kan chiong for what? this year you have 2 months of holiday lahs *smiling away*
[WeiJing]HUH? *apparently she still dont understand*
[me] AIYA.. laoshi means, this year have 2 lunar seventh month... *muahahaha, people around us already laughing like dont know what*

that happened outside the staff room... and the volume is like LOUD? lol... really cute.. and poor weijing was suaned by me the whole day...

stayed back after school to do the CIP thing... in the end had to pai the dance for lewis and weijing for the performance tomorrow... the song was cha sao bao? lol.. retro dance? ok la.. easy.. only 4 eights.. they only have the steps le... i changed the last part of their poseing to something super funny.. all the funny poses.. haas...

then weijing said something FUNNY again
[WeiJing]2 cha sao bao is 1 eight
[SuYin] huh? 2 cha sao bao in return for one egg? *suan weijing, suyin, lame as usual*

lol... ok.. lame.. understand the joke?

i was thinking on bus.. hmmm.. is love loving someone just the way that person is? or is love willing to change for someone in the long run to accomadate so that every difference in two individuals life can be overcome and they live their lives together as one? hmm.. i think it is both.. i will love someone just the way he is and at the same time, i am willing to change for someone to let the love last... provided that the change is not too drastic... C=

conclusion.. everyone deserve to be loved... C=

~*smiles*~
~*thats life*~
~*thats love*~
~* C= *~

.::A random MonDAY::.

~*random day*~

something done? i thought of making something nice for people.. provided i have the time la.. hmm...

i drew that during chem tutorial... when was the last time i drew something like that? hmm.. primary school.. i mean a tree like that.. haas...

now i realise it looks abit weird.. ok.. not abit but alot.. hmm...

cant blame me, i am not a art student ok.. B4 for art? hmm... dont really remember...

hmm... went to jurong point.. cant find what i want.. i guess i really have to go all the way to Ginza.. sianed...

i thougt of doing alot of things.. but no time.. hmm..

nothing to write..hmmm.. oh ya.. haven write in the book..

~*smiles*~
~*you matters*~

.::MY BIRTHDAY THANKS TO PEOPLE OUT THERE!!!::.

~* C= *~

i am back here after going PA and PS for dance and my birthday... dance just seems to be part of my life.. haas... hmm...

today, woke up late.. omg... i slept alot these 2 days.. i think thats a good thing... someone not having enough sleep... =C

ok.. random...

then went for dance and shall not talk about what happened there, not something nice though... then went out after that to PS... for dinner and then arcade.. i am feeling extremely extremely guilty.. but i am happy la.. but i am still happier last night.. hmm... d=

guilty cause i made people who are rather broke to pay for the food... and i really mean broke.. hmm...

thanks to people who made this birthday a great one!!!
]Alyssa

]Cassandra

]Christine

]ChuenYong
]Jeremy
]JiaLing
]JiangDa
]JieBin
]JieChun
]KaiSiang
]KaiWei
]Kenrick
]KeongKiat
]KoonHui
]MaMa
]Mavis
]One of the Crez sec3 [sorry, i forgot her name]
]Sam
]SiAun
]WahTuck
]WeiHong
]WenLin
]YanJia
]YiTing
]YueLi
]YongWei
]YongXuan
]ZhongYi
]ZiXiang
]ZengLiang

sorry if i missed anyone out... -.-

oh ya.. also people from my class... C=

People who spoilt my birthday mood tonight... first is my dad then is my sisters... arguing away... please.. it is only just ONE bag... lend her wouldn't die right?

and seriously.. i dont mind them arguing but not when my dad is throwing some silly and stupid tantrum and when your are arguing and quarrelling in MY ROOM when i am trying to recall and put down happy things in my blog...

to you... whatever you have done, it is more than enough.. i think i just need you by my side... with or without present, it is still more than enough... haas... you really made my birthday special...

EVERYONE made this birthday a special one... C=

list of things to be done for this coming weeks and months other than studying...
make the dolls
fold stars
go and check that thing out

finish those things up

cut up the shirt

do something funny to it? haas...

~*smiles*~
~*listen to the song*~
~*A Whole New World*~
~*with LOVE*~
~* C= *~

.::HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!::.

~*thanks to all*~
~* C= *~

i believe i will have a great day tomorrow.. haas... hmm...

i had a great birthday today.. .and i really mean it.. and thanks is the minimal that i can say... but still i am still feeling quite guilty... hmm...

thanks for all those birthday messages... C=

thanks for the presents... i got 2 super cute and nice and sweet and good presents.. .or should i say 3? ok... 2 of them are the same one... hmm...

one is the nice nice sweet flower... we shall make the sunflower together one day.. haas... together... then i keep.. muahahaha...

the other 2 is the same... one is given to me by my sister... sort of given lahs.. haas... sort of...muahaha... cute sister? or should i say cute present? haas...

the swing is now a nice place to go.. change my opinion towards beaches and places near see one day will you? haas... and especially marina... one day... go there. and let it be a happy day!!! C=

i think i know my birthday wish le... the wish is OBVIOUS... ! C=

~*smiles*~
~*i hope you are really really really really ok*~
~*i hope she is ok*~
~*let this be OUR story from today onwards*~
~* C= *~

.::my life::.

~*yesterday*~
~*today*~

dont really know what to put and what to write.. i think it is good to have short entries as long entries usually indicates sad entries... haas

so.. happy things and they hardly come on blog.. hmmm...

yesterday... went jurong west? haas.. hmm... should i say that they are cute kids? or should i say they are real naughty? still young lahs...

walk in, there starts the superman and spiderman and batman thing... o.0 i am like.. hmm... ok.. dont know what to say... hmm...

then went to somewhere then went for dinner? then went home... too tired to blog...

i produced the work and in the end no one used it today... rarr...

then night, cramp... lucky not very serious.. rarr... then morning run 2.4... actually had the idea of completing the five stations today also.. but the other girl dont agree... ya... true, no need to rush ourselves into completing so many things today... but the guys have to complete today lahs.. haas...

my timing... i thought i will get 14 plus.. in the end i got 13.43.. considering the fact that i have not run for 2 months, thats quite good le ok.. thats an A, by the way.. haas

service learning.. started painting flags even before school ends.. red hands... rarr... not i want to say, but we are all just getting pissed about someone... whatever...

then at the end of the day, finished up all the flags and prizes and i am free to go!!! haaas...

went PS for the dont know how many times this week... but i dont mind... C=

then went to bugis? i dont really remmeber... then walked around... really walked around... haas.. always like that.. but again, i dont mind... haas... C=

then went back to PS to go home.. hmm... the bus trip was omg... usually i would not choose to take that bus since it is quite packed, but it is quite late le and later someone end up home even later than me...

here i am.. tomorrow can sleep in till later time.. hmm... mug mug mug...

~*smiles*~
~*amazed that i dint shed a tear*~
~*cause i trust*~
~* C= *~

.::tired::.

~*you never know until you try*~
~*aren't we trying now?*~

ok... so my day was a happy one...

what i expected to happen did not happen... no one mentioned anything about it.. maybe that is a good thing... at least nothing really turn bad now... so it is good and school days are still like that... not really happy but just as crappy and as time pass...

continue the countdown...

went out... i bet next time if i am sad, i will never take strolls on my own again... i think that will only make me think of you...

life is like that... you never know until you try... that is just life... you never know what will happen the next minute... maybe i will die in bed tonight? maybe tomorrow when i am on my way to school i meet with some accident? it is good to think far, but maybe not too far please...

when you think real far, it give me the feeling that, to you, everything just seem to be impossible.. nothing good will come out of it...

and that means, you gave me the feeling that you will leave me... ok.. i just thought of all these when i was bathing? haaas...

i start to wonder, what if what you went through happen the other way round this time round? what if i am the one who dont care in the end and you are the one who get fed up in the end? nevermind... dont think too far...

and will things be settled this saturday? will she be ok? will this story just be about you and me from this saturday onwards? no more her? hmm...

I AM OK... i am just thinking...

like i have said, i realised that i no longer know how to prepare for the worst... so dont give me the worst... C;

ok... today... i actually walked around with an uncle-looking person.. i should not say anymore.. mauahhahaa... i feel evil... pack file and more mugging!!!

the power of the M... Muahahhahaa... and Mugging...

~*smiles*~
~*my promise*~
~*never to give you the worst*~
~* C= *~

.::a BIG word::.

~*a BIG word*~
~*it is not that BIG afterall*~

TRUST

any idea what that word means?

Assured resting of the mind on the integrity, veracity, justice, friendship, or other sound principle, of another person; confidence; reliance; reliance. ``O ever-failing trust in mortal strength!'' --Milton.

got that from www.dictionary.net

it is just one of the many definitions..

it is just such a simple five lettered word... yet have anyone wondered, how difficult it is to deliever whatever that is trusted...

should i say i am gullible or should i say i am stupid, or should i just simply say that he is clever... he made me trusted him so much... i never once doubt him... i dont know why.. maybe the matters involved are nothing big... but yet when the whole world come crashing down and you realise that things dont seem to be that glamourous, i start to wonder why...

he is just someone in my life.. i never once doubt him, i think it is because of the fact that he is not someone of importance to me... and the things are just little things that dont really matter at all...

yet, how does it really feel when you nothing is delievered? i mean.. not like i expected something from him, but i just did not expect lies...

many things in my life... i never expect much in return but at the same time, i never expected something bad in return... nor did i expect my trust to be betrayed...

for the dont know how many time, someone that i never once doubt and has always trusted turn and stirred up some silly thing in my life...

but then, it makes me realise that.. if i ever doubt you, that will mean that you are important to me...

it i difficult to deliver... all the what ifs in life is the big counter parts to the word trust...

both are just as heavy and bulky and difficult to handle...

i realise another thing.. i lose the ability to think for the worst.. is that a good thing? now that i am living in a happy world, i really dont know how to prepare myself for the worst... i mean, my instinct are not working.. i dont know... maybe that is a good thing...

i trust but yet, what if?

mugging and more to come... oh... tomorrow... growth curve test!!! lecture test!!! rarr... haas... mug...

what will tomorrow be like? confused actually.. but i am ok... C=

~*smile*~
~*you are with me*~
~*aren't you?*~
~* C= *~

.::what a day?::.

~*dont really know what happened*~
~*overly thinking about someone bahs*~
~* d= *~

today.. i was super tired.. i mean... the past 2 days are tiring days.. but i had a great time... hmm...

then come today... i think monday and tuesday somehow become the worst days of the week? hmm...

was thinking of something today... someone asked me a question... someone in my group...

dont really know how to phrase the question... hmm

which of the following things that a guy do will attract you, or rather, what do you like to see a guy do? hmm... dont know how to phrase.. but i hope it dont sound wrong...

hmm... not really a test or something.. just something random...

a guy doing pumping? swimming? running? sleeping? forgot got what else le...

hmm... i think someone asked me the same question in the past before... haas... i think my answer still the same... hmm... pumping.. i also dont know why... maybe when guys do pumping, they look serious?

i mean.. i think guys are attractive when they are being serious and doing things... and maybe when they are fast asleep? haas... whatever.. haas... it dont really matters right? haas...

something happened at home.. peace never last... at home i mean... used to it... hmm... what can i say?

a whole new world... C=

(Aladdin:) I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide

(Aladdin:)I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways, and under
On a magic carpet ride

(Aladdin:)A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming

(Jasmine:)A whole new world
A dazzling place i never knew
But now from way up here
It's crystal clear
That now i'm in a whole new world
With you

(Aladdin:)Now i'm in a whole new world with you
(Jasmine:)Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky

(Jasmine:) A whole new world
(Aladdin:) Don't you dare close your eyes
(Jasmine:) A hundred thousand things to see
(Aladdin:) Hold your breath- it gets better
(Jasmine:)I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far I can't go back to where i used to be

(Aladdin:) A whole new world
(Aladdin:) With new horrizons to pursue
(both:) I'll chase them anywhere, there's time to spare, let me share this whole new world with you

(Aladdin:) A whole new world
(Jasmine:) A whole new world
(Aladdin:) A new fantastic point of view
(Jasmine:) A new fantastic point of view
(Both:) No one to tell us no or where to go
(Jasmine:) Or say we're only dreaming

(Aladdin:)a whole new world
(Jasmine:)Every turn a surprise
(Aladdin:) With new horizons to pursue
(Jasmine:) Every moment gets better
(Both:) I'll chase them anywhere theres time to spare
(Jasmine:) Anywhere
(Aladdin:) Theres time to spare
(Jasmine:) Let me share
(Aladdin:) This whole new world
(Both:) With you

(Jasmine:) A whole new world
(Aladdin:) A whole new world
(Jasmine:) Thats where we'll be
(Aladdin:) Where we will be
(Jasmine:) A thrilling change
(Aladdin:) A wonderous place
(Both:) For you and me

~*ENJOY*~
~*smiles*~
~* C= *~

.::Busy but not alone::.

~*thats the nickname for my msn*~
~* C; *~

these few days, i bet people around me are shouting tired like the way i am... but i am not the worse bahs..

what did i really do, i dont really remember.. i dont remember all the small small details and i only know that i am super tired now.. hmm...

ok.. my eyes are heavy but i dont feel like sleeping... hmm....

saturday, didnt go dream on in the end, cause i psycho again and end up giving it a miss... went around, got things done k...haas...

then at night, watched 8below... nice.. but i didnt cry this time round.. the mood was wrong.. hmm...

then come the thing... wanted to sleep.. who is not tired la? i mean.. but my sister using computer... cant sleep, so stayed up till 3am? woke up at 6... that is just so so clever...

arrived much earlier than expected... waited and some people arrived at the CC on their own instead...

had a great performance.. i think this is really the last and maybe today is really a last last few practice... someone ask me out to study on sundays? haas.. i bet i will just sleep if i stay at home...

danced in the rain and glad that everything is ok...

fast forward... the one in the hall was ok la... i mean.. like that lor...

went back to PA.. then was super tired... then rest and then almost fell asleep dont know how many times... then waited and waited and went to prata shop for dinner.. ok.. supper.. ok.. my lunch too...

went back on 985.. sleep, talk on the phone and here i am... tired...

thanks for everything... C=
you are busy but not alone... C=
touched right? muahahhahhahaha... that meant to be a joke.. haas...

.::suicide::.

~*something that i think i know*~
~*something quite random*~
~*yet something quite interesting*~
[lazy to do research though]

okay! people, see the topic? or rather, see the title?

please, before your continue to wonder why is it SUICIDE and start to get worry whether this person here is having suicidal thoughts, i am here to assure you that most of the things in my life are ok and here i am to tell you something that i think i know and something that people should not do or even think about in life.

there is just so many things going on in life... you get all stressed up, not knowing what to do next. but here is something.. no matter what happens, the one who have the thoughts of commiting suicide or actually tried it, is someone stupid, silly, coward and ultimately selfish...

when you are in this world, you will hardly have the chance to know how much you affect others.. you will hardly have the chance to realise how important you are to others. cause human are like that. they only know how to treasure when they lose something.

here is the thing.. if one day, you felt like the whole world has given up on you, and have this thought of committing suicide, then you are WRONG.. totally wrong... cause i believe, of all the millions of people around the world, there will be someone who cares about you. just the fact that you do not have idea about it.

human are like that. they usually do not choose to let their concerns and love be coming out of their mouth every now and then. cause in the long run, they would not sound sincere anymore.

so always believe that not the whole world and not everyone had gave up on you and someone out there will always be there to support you, so there is no reason for you to actually commit suicide and give up on yourself.

some people felt way too heavy... they felt like they had the whole world on their shoulders... so tired and heavy and sick of it that they think maybe it will be a good idea to give up. leave this world and wouldn't the whole world shine when there is nothing on your shoulders?

that is just what some people think... they believe that life on the other side of the world is carefree and much happier than here on Earth.. although some do not believe that the other side of the world exist, they just remember and look forwar to the relief that they will enjoy when they leave Earth...

so by nature human are selfish ah? they think for themselves... did they spare a thought for the others around them? it is an undeniable fact that all our lives are interlinked... linked up and without you or just the absence of anyone else, i believe that something in life will be different. you may not be standing here, you may not be reading this, you may not be enjoying the happy things in your life, and also many many more... you never know how much others contribute to your life or how much they affects yours..

all the more, you would not know how much effects you have on others.. you never know how a smile on your face may make someone's day, you never know how sad or bad you sound can make someone cry, you never know how stressed up you sound can make someone worried for one whole day. all these.

it only goes to show that you are affecting someone out there and your departure will also affect them greatly.

how irresponsible is that? just because you are sad or stressed or tired, you choose to die. you leave the whole world that used to be on your shoulders to someone close, not leaving them with a choice to decide if they want the world on theirs. cause they just do not have a choice.

the moment you left, the world need to be held up by someone. so the one close and your loved ones is the next to suffer...

the whole world is heavy, to you. to them, not only do they have the whole world there, they have to face the fact that you are not there. some will have to face the guilt and they start to blame themselves for not being better to you, some will also have to face the world with a smile though you have left, cause there will always be someone out there who is even more sad than they are.

yet, there is something common that is added on to their burden. they have to get used to you not in their life. some may just have to spend their remaining days alone, without you.

yes, ALONE, some may just realise that you are so important and unique that no one can replace you in their life that they choose to hide themselves in their shells...

get the idea of how much one's departure can affects others and how selfish it actually is?

if you dont, maybe you should start to wonder, why are you so silly and stupid? now, lets think of the way to die or rather, commit suicide... you can choose to jump down from the building? die from overdose of drugs or sleeping pills? cut yourself at your wrist to let you bleed to death? ok... there are just many many ways to die isnt it? so how do you choose to die?

i think if you are someone advanturous and couragous, maybe you can choose to jump from the building.. you can enjoy that free fall for that few seconds before death... i think free fall is something real nice and great.

if you are someone who like to pass away peacefully, and beautifully also, maybe you can choose to die from overdose of pills... it is peaceful... overdose of sleeping pills will make you sleepy first and tata, you die in your sleep...

if you are someone indecisive and not sure whether you should die or not, maybe you can choose to cut yourself... cut and when you are nearer and nearer to death, if you regret, you can faster get help and stop bleeding and stuff like that...

now, i think you still dont know what is so silly about all these... you have the courage to end whatever happy things that you have in your life and yet you do not have the courage to face the stress that you are facing? no courage to make new friends? no courage to start anew? no courage to search for solutions to whatever problems that is in life?

you have the courage to end whatever that you have in the world... maybe at that point, you only remember the bad things in life, but sure there is someone or something out there that will make you feel like holding back and staying on... will you bear to leave your loved ones? bear to leave those that played a big part in your life?

i can be sad, i mean, i am those kind of people who remember only sad things but please, even i dont think about death, i dont have any idea why there can be someone out there who will think about death... there are just someone out there who is facing worse problems than you are.

if everyone thinks about committing suicide when they face problems, then wouldn't this be an evil cycle? someone choose to die, then the people around that person will be so sad about his death, then they may blame themselves for not giving them enough attention to prevent all this from happening, then they may start to realise and link that up to all the other problems that they have in life... and thats it... they may also choose to die. then thats gone... more and more people will be sad and more and more people will commit suicide...

please, all that make sense... so it is stupid cause human race will just face extinction after that... it is possible...

so... why think of suicide? sometimes it is understandable that the bad things always outweigh the good ones, but isnt the bad ones that tells you that good things are actually good things?

sometimes things just dont go the right way, but it is problems that make life so life? isnt it? haas...

thats all folks... and please.. i am really ok... the above content once made a friend cry when she talked to me about committing suicide... so... nothing really great, but i think these are one of those things that i am proud of myself de le...

i did think of committing suicide before... whenever my parents quarrel because of me or because of something stupid that i say... would it be good if i am not there? there wouldn't be so many problems... my mother can leave my dad, my dad can go find the one that he really have feelings for?

nevermind... i just hope that these things dont happen again... but still, thats life isnt it?

`a changed person
`i was shocked by the reply
`no longer the one that i know
`she changed
`that is life
`people change

~*smiles*~
~*give me a happy tomorrow*~
~* C= *~

.::the day, my thoughts::.

~*hmm...*~

i read through a past entry... happened to come across it so i read it. was kind of surprised by whatever and how i really used to write or blog...

did i say that i cant be left alone at home for the whole day? i will think and here i am blogging... simply because i am blogging...

i am starting to wonder... am i doing the right things? i think some people will get angry or upset by whatever that may come along in this entry...

i heard about the reasons why all these things started again and i am surprised.. and i realised i am not wrong... someone out there really needs you more.. you never know how important you are to that person... you never know...

i have no idea why is there always this conflict within me... for how long has this been going on within me?

i wondered, should i let go? should i stop you? should i be angry? should i be selfish? should i be unreasonable?

all those questions popped up alot of times and i really mean alot alot and hell lot of times...

yet the conflict and contradiction within me always ends with me being selfish.. i want it my way... so ya..

i used to think... maybe i should just let others be happy and that will be enough for me... but then i realise i am not that great after all.. i cant and i dont have that courage to let go of just those certain things...

remember what i said? maybe she needs you more? maybe... but i know i cant take it if the outcome is bad...

oh...someone please tell me what is the point of saying and typing these things now? i am suppose to enjoy life now... enjoy the days.. i know... and i will...

this is just the aftermath of staying at home for the whole day alone...

i am not sad... i am just thinking of whatever that i had said that day.. .or rather yesterday... EVERYTHING... i think i sounded like i dont care... and i sounded like maybe i should leave but i know they are just somehow like the opposite... i do care and i cant imagine me leaving...

i need to know that things will be ok... sorry... i know... trust and believe and didnt i use to say that things will be ok in the end, if things are not ok then it is not the end?

if i ever sound like i am able to let go, please remind me that i am not that strong... if i ever sound like i am willng to sacrifice, please remind me that i am not thinking for you... if i ever sounded like i am going to leave, please remind me to not make decision for you...

amazed... myself... i never know i have this courage... i never know i will be involved in this show... yes... it seems so much like a show...

how i wish i can get angry... and if i am angry, my reaction will be totally different... but i know i am not angry... i just dont like this lost feeling...

ok... tomorrow... hmm... i went to the market to get somethings today and there is this auntie that owns the bookshop... she saw my purse and want me to get 2 for her... hmm... maybe i will get it tomorrow... haas..i think it is funny.. hmm... haas...

and i swear and i promise that i am ok.. but i am worried...

hmm... smiles... should i take a nap? hmm... d=

~*smiles*~
~*when the day comes*~
~*nothing will change*~

.::tell me that you are ok::.

~*why must there be emotions in life?*~
~*it is emotions that makes life life*~

yeah... i dont know what i am thinking now... i am learning to be happy... learning the virtue of patience... something that i never use to know... learning that things can be beautiful even if i am waiting...

that is just life... i mean... if there are just somethings that are destinated to take a certain route, there is also nothing much else that i can do right?

today.. ok.. i mean yesterday... i know it is late le...

i had a great day... not doing anything but just strolling around... i think it is more than enough...

ok... when was the last time i felt that bad? it was quite sometime ago...

i tried to fight back tears when i was on my way to school... i tried to not cry when i see you... stoned but i tell myself... i cant... i just cant... maybe that is the reason why i am so tired now?

but i think after today, i am ok... i hope things are ok in other parties too... i pray... pray that things will be ok...

maybe i am just thinking way too much... thinking too much for others...

hey girl, or are you just trying to act like you dont care or are you just trying to tell the world that you are strong?

ok... i am just trying to act like i dont care but i do... and i do care ALOT...

i am telling the world that you are strong cause i know that the smile on my face may affect others?

people out there.. please know and remember... you never know how much a smile on your face matters to others...

you never know how the tone of your speech and voice matters and affects others...

ok... i am listening to the wrong song.. but i realise i am ok with it.. hmm.. that is a good thing... C=

ok... i need sleep... all those ups and downs and lack of sleep is causing an outbreak on my face.. hmm.. consider the fact that i still have performance on this sunday... rarr... make up? rarr... bad...

ok... looking forward to weekends... and maybe next week... and maybe my birthday eve?

no matter what happen, nothing change.. i mean me... nothing will change...

~*i trust*~
~*i believe*~
~*thats why i hope*~
~*what's next?*~
~*tell me it's happiness*~
~*disappointment is the last thing that i want*~
`i saw the cross...C=

.::happy day::.

~*hmm*~

i didnt really planned to use the computer at all.. but still i am still sitting in front of it now...

hmm... had a real cold day... and i really mean COLD.. clever people tend to forget somethings so you cant blame me for forgetting my jacket... hmm... haas...

didnt know that the lecture halls are actually warmer than the cafe... and i really mean it... haas...

after that i went somewhere which i dont think i should say... i mean... i didnt go nanhua...

i think i did the right thing bah... C=

hmm... had a happy day... roam around, did not do much... hmm... now maybe back to more mugging but my eyes seems to be eyeing the bed? hmm....

was reading this book in times bookshop... something on horoscope... and it says something like: if you are in a relationship with a cancer, the slightest negativity can affect the cancer. be it a look or something that you say...

hmm... come to think of it, it is super true...

i dont want to be unreasonable and demanding... but please that dont mean i dont care.. you matter... thats why you affect me and mean alot to me... C=

dont know why i like keep owning people things like that... haas... hmm... it is ok...haas...

maybe more mugging and maybe sleep earlier? haas... hmm...

someone slap me... negative thoughts... hmm... *SLAPS*... they are never something good...

~*smiles*~
~*hope that is the thing on your face now*~

.::keep this alive::.

~*ok*~
~*i am refering to my blog*~

haas.. but seems like, this is not the only blog that is going to be dead... some blogs are already dead a long time ago... haas.. i understand the fact that people are busy... C=

ok... recently... start to mug for A level le... after the bad grades.. hmm... it is real bad all F... but got improve.. haas..i think that i something to be proud of? hmm... dont care.. i want C during prelims...

hmm... ok... i am going to spend more time mugging...

i just looked out and realise that it is so dark le... omg..i mean the sky...

hmm... haas... i think i am abit crazy today.. ok..i mean i am crazy recently... haas...i also dont know la... whatever...haas...

hmm... got some unexpected things happened yesterday and that is a little secret... i was surprised by their reactions.. hmm.. haas...

ok.. hmm... i dont know what to say le...

who would not feel insecure with whatever that is happening... but i know i have to trust you right? if i ask you to go away and leave me alone i expect you to stay with me and be by my side girls always contradicts

whatever...haas

i smell food..hmm.. haas... off to eat then to mug... haas...

`when you think of me
`you should be happy
`cause i can assure you that i am missing you too

~*smiles*~
~*give me more than 24 hours please*~

.::oops::.

~*sorry*~
~*silence*~

haas...my blog has been quiet for so so many days... haas... see lah...good things never come onto the blog one... cause i just dont know what to post...

ok... lets start from sunday bahs... it is a suay day can? rarr...

first i went out and i realised i didnt bring my mp3... sobs.. nevermind...

then when i reached PA, everything was quite ok besides the fact that i am feeling abit too cold... but after the warm up, it was better le...

then come all the silly things and that stupid fall that i had... up till now i still dont have the slightest idea what happened... i only know it hurts... sobs... now, it still hurts...

nevermind.. .then when i was on my way home... the possibility of 985 being way too cold is very low... but happened that yesterday, that 985 that i boared was super duper cold..and i mean super cold...

so... what? pain, tired, cold without mp3... poor me right? =C

went home... talk on the phone... then realise i was abit too tired to do anything after that so i did not really do much... slept at 1am... then i was awaken by some sms of some stupid people telling me the result for world cup... -.-

*slaps*

i should be mugging... mug so that i can go out on weekends... i promised i will study de ok? haas...

so... some serious thing? hmm...

i am actually worried...cause you never know what you will do when you are under stress... i mean.. ya... what if? all the what ifs... nevermind...

haas... so... good things hardly come here... oh... there is this little book that i got only recently... had the urge to write jiu write everything in there... not really a diary cause it is not about what happened everyday... it is now 18 pages le... omg... cause i think i wrote 4 pages on some days.. haas...

ok... off to mug... i miss you... =C blah... and i want the photos!!! send me!!! C=

~*smiles*~
~*when i think of you*~
~*thats what i want to see*~
~* C= *~

.::what a day?::.

~*i think i should look on the bright side?*~
~*i trust you*~
~* C= *~

ok...today... is really tired de lor... and now i seriously made one conclusion... mix around with some people long le hor, i think i start to talk like some person... i mean.. just anyone... haas...

tired tired tired... but i will still try to mug later... haas... i have to...haas...

i think quite alot of things happened today... good or bad.. erm... i think nevermind.. i mean...

haas... i also dont know what i am trying to say.... keep having typo again... rarr...

i mean.. i think i acted like i dont really care but i think you know i did... i mean... glad that at least you told me the truth... C=

yeah... so other than some unnecesary stoning, i think i am happy today... and i really mean happy... C=

went to that ndp thing.. hold on.. my 2 dogs are having some trouble outside... ok..silence for now..haas...

erm... nowhere to sit huh.. but nevermind.. it is the company that matters bah i guess.. haas...so only after then i realise that my legs actually feel tired...

nevermind.. mug... i mean...i am going to... C=

~*smiles*~
~*there will always be sunshine after rain*~
~* C= *~

.::it is not my mother::.

~*it is not my mother*~
~*it is not my result*~

ya... nothing... should i go tomorrow has got nothing to do with my mother since she think that this cip thing is something to do with school...

i mean.. i dont know... i think i was too hyped just now... so when there is ups there are downs... i am not ok now...

what will happen tomorrow? what will happen? i dont know...

should i stop going pa? now that my mother has named that... i mean... she said maybe it is time to stop...

.::whatever it is::.

~*i dont know*~

WHATEVER

not in the right mood now... i dont know...

*SLAPS*

let it be... should i even go out tomorrow? rarr...

~*smiles*~
~*i am trying to*~

.::something that i watched in school::.

~*SHATTERED GLASS*~

this is a movie about a true story that happened all the way back in 1998...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0323944/

click on the above link to get to know more about the movie..

for all i can say, i am not going to list all the reviews about the movie and i dont think i am going to write down all my feelings and thoughts about this movie...

i bet that will just bored people... this blog is boring enough le... thanks to Wikipedia which is a cool venue to search for informations... i found cool stuff and even more useful links to this movie...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Glass

~whee!

watching another one tomorrow...haas.. hopes it is just as exciting...

actually i think this one is a bit draggy infront.. quite alot of people fell asleep... haas.. so ya.. hope tomorrow's one will not be that bad...

oh mine.. i am having short term memory... rarr.. cant remember... nevermind...

oh ya... i suddenly feel lazy to eat recently.. i think i am just plain lazy to send food into my mouth bah.. i hope it is that way...

so... hope i eat normally tomorrow.. haas...

oh..the good thing... my mama just forced me to eat... so... ya... ate one salted egg with porridge... erm... i really mean ONE... can kill.. i did not even plan to eat and now i ate that much...at this time somemore...

i think i have to sleep early... blah.. haas.. no more spider.. haas...

~*smiles*~
~*thats what i want to see*~

.::today?scandal?::.

~*so many things to talk about*~

today... woke up... suddenly dont feel like going school again but i am a good girl so i went... super tired can? oh my... i think i deserve it... cause i slept late last night... i hope i dont take a nap later...

reached school... as usual... crapped in the morning and went for lesson... Biology... i didnt sleep ok... haas...i am wide awake through out the whole thing... then went off to chemistry tutorial... oh my god... 6/20... dont ask me why... i dont know... but consider the amount of time i spent on studies this month, i think that is something alright le bah... then heard from that XXX that my section c also fail... alright then...what can i say? i didnt expect to pass anyone paper right from the start... ok.. i am going to mug from now on...

during biology, i think the thing that kept me awake was my stomach cause i was super hungry cause i did not take breakfast... also that bloody taste in my mouth and throat... and i literally means bloody taste.. i can taste the iron... then i start to wonder is it my throat that or my gums that is bleeding.. the new toothbrush is giving me problems and i still haven got time to go buy another one...

then i think my conclusion is my throat that is bleeding.. but why huh? my sore throat is not that bad...

and oh no... the bad thing now is my temperature is climbing and climbing.. consider the fact that i am feeling quite cool in my room with my aircon on at 24 degree to counter the warmth from the modem, a temperature of 37.0 for me is wrong... no wonder i feel giddy and my face seems weird, or rather warm now...my normal temperature is 36.5.. oh no.. d=my body is just that sensitive to temperature change of my body...

then sleep one period cause free period mah... then went to AVA for movie... Shattered Glass... it is nice... ok... abit draggy though...

then went off for lunch and we crapped alot again... the few of us seem to have isolated ourselves from the class... that seems bad... erm..but... erm...

then went for maths lecture... omg...tired lor... super tired and i really mean tired!!! the mp3 in my ear i also cant stay awake...

then end le... and walked out with samantha and sms and talked on the phone and to the bank and back from the bank and here i am after buying puppy food from lot1 on my way home...

then what now? ok... to the topic... haas... SCANDAL... what a sensitive word ok...

recently so many huh.. going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on... ok.. i should stop... d=

lunch time, we talked about scandals in the class... erm... dont what-sa-what-man-what-tha and dont know what-i-what-saac...haas... name their children pong ping and ping pong for them by my sisters, i mean suyin the cow and cheryl... haas...

then that cow dont know scandal with who la... erm.. so many days not in school le...

then the father of pong ping and ping pong dont know with that whoever XXX teacher huh... erm dontkn0ow what teacher la.. hate it ok... rarr...i mean... it is ok to put XXX with isaac but HELLO!!! with me? *slaps* please people, if i ever have the chance to show your the photo... i seriously have no idea how he can be a teacher... -.-

then we played around with words and all the scandal stuff... good thing... my friends in school know when to stop... C=

then come to this stupid thing... which is so WHATEVER... just because i tried to help and thats what i got? rarr... getting on my nerves too... someone hear le also not very happy huh... d= but how to shut them up huh? rarr

this thing about scandal.. it can be just so deadly... spread around like no body business... i mean.. just to see people's reaction? i laugh do not mean i am ok with it.. i mean.. i cant control laughter or tears or things like that de...

laugh cause i know it is a joke... but sometimes maybe it is better to get angry? but that seem stupid...i mean unreasonable... whatever lah... why am i so bothered by it?

headache headache... dont even know how i managed to get home...

oh my... i think i really have to sleep early tonight.. i hope i can... C=

you make my day... thank you C=

~*smiles*~
~*you know you are the only one*~
~* C= *~
`she used time`in hope for promises`she got promises`but she ended up with nothing ultimately`what is the ending?`why is she alone?`she dont deserve this?`the promises gave her hope`she hoped`she choose the path`she end up where she started off`just that she is now alone`no one there`people promise to be there for her`but do you think she can place her hope on those promises again?`will she dare?`maybe she should have listen to her mother`maybe she should not have choose this path`but what now?`how to tell her she is ok`everyone is concerned`everyone wants to help`she is not alone`she is not back at the same point`how to tell her that?`will i write the same ending in the end?`you know my fears?

.::what have she done?::.

~*for all the smiles and laughter that she brought*~
~*i still dont know her*~

she changed.. who changed her? we all know the answer...

she is just no longer the one that i think i used to know...

yes i dont really know her that well even to begin with.. but now she is even more alien-ated than before.. there... going away... and further away into her own world...

how to tell her... it is ok to cry... if it helps and if it makes you feel better..

no point telling you to not cry when tears still continue to flow down...

i cant help... or rather i dont know how to...

i admire her... the front that she put up... how much courage and effort and energy one needs to do that... even i cant...

i rather you let everything out like that than keeping everything inside... i know that feels alot better... that is just what i have been doing recently...

maybe sometime crying yourself to bed helps.. but just make sure you cry and sleep early and not be like me... cry until god-knows what time before i actually sleep...

who to be blamed for whatever that is happening now? no one... all and all.. things come and go dont they? we all know that... just whether we can accept it or not...

come to think of it... i will not know how to handle it if i were her... i mean... losing something so precious..

i dont wish to imagine and i dont wish to think... all the more, i dont wish to try...

i feel like crying now... at least i know.. if i cry now, i will have no tears tomorrow... then i will not get weird looks on bus like those that i got today...

it is time... the time is coming... and please wake her up from her slumber... she cant remain in this sleep... when will she realise that things will be ok soon? learn to accept... what else can she do?

YES...that is just the toughest part...

ya... maybe all of us should just continue to put on this act, as though everything is ok... cause you just never know how much your mood affects others...

i think she knows.. that is why she seems ok... that is why i am even more shocked to know the truth...

`there will just be time when you realise it is not necessary to mask yourself up...
`to protect?
`to show the world that you are ok?
`to not get sympathy?
`when you learn to accept
`you will realise
`all the masking up did not really help at all
`people still knows

~*dont force yourself to smile*~
~*cry it all out*~
~*you have your rights*~

.::today?::.

~*speechless*~

i woke up this morning.. felt different... how different? is it because i did not sleep well last night?

i drag myself to the toilet, bathe, wondering did i even sleep last night...

her hair there to hide her face
her spectacles there to hide her eyes
her smile there to hide her tears
her laughter there to hide her fears
her mp3 there to hide her loneliness
her talkative self there to hide her lost

but i realised i changed... i dont know for the better or for the worse... cause i am more and more talkative... more hyped when i am with my friends.. but when i am alone... i get super tired...haas

so is that good or bad? i dont know... let it be... haas

STOP IT...! i know the whole world is talking about it.. but still STOP IT!!!

rarr... whatever lah...

nevermind... more stars folding...

~*smiles*~
~*thats the thing that is on my face*~

.::this is the 6th::.

~*hmm...*~

this is the 6th... i think i should go to bed before someone come shouting at me... i mean my mama... but i haven iron.. i decide to not iron...do it tomorrow morning...provided that my mama let me do it lah...

how to sleep tonight? after this whole day? not in a mess...just ups and downs...

i am used to it le bahs...

i once told someone... 'i dont know what to do if i am sent back to hell again'

that person told me... 'dont perceive that you are in heaven now'

yah.. that helps but then i realise that is what i have being doing all along... not letting myself be in heaven...

no way will i say those words until the right time.. they almost came out.. but i think i am not the one...

i dont want to repeat... but i have to drilled it...

i am quite hmm.. tired? or rather fatigue after hmm... act happy? was i really happy? ok la.. just so so...the nap saved me... i mean.. i did not get all cranky all thanks to the nap...

omg... i will be having a messy week ahead... school starting... how?

actually i dont like it... act happy? act siao sa? what is this? or is this just the real me? i think this is the real me... siao sa... yea... thats a good thing dude...

but who will face the world with me after that? when i am all alone? who will handle the aftermath that i have to face with me? am i ok? *slaps*

ok.. that is life... i dont think i want to continue...

`u jolly well know tt u can get bck wad u want and u know wad u want`u want her`go ask`and u know u can get it back`why wait4her2give up?`why make both of ur sad?`why make her sad?`u never want her to be sad`u know the solution`can u just do it?`dun find reason`will ur be hapi?`u know tat4now,the oli way2be happy is to get tings back`so why tink tat much?`u know u r at fault`so change`u know where things went wrong`so get it right`wad are u realli tinking?

~*thats all folks*~
~*who want stars?*~
~*smiles*~
~*it can do wonders*~

.::nearer and nearer to 300!!!::.

~*more and more entries*~
~* C= *~

it is getting nearer and nearer to the 300th entry...

if only i am not that lazy, i will have gone and edited my html to add in archives... haas... but i just dont really like touching them...

so ya... if your ever have the chance to go and read through my past, erm... i bet more than 80%of it is sad de...lol...

i will go and edit my wishlist...cause my birthday coming... C=

~*smiles*~
~*you never know what wonders your smile can do*~
~* C= *~

.::great::.

~*now i am regreting it*~
*slaps*

i am regretting it.. i think we should not really think about it... can you?

let it be... let time tell the answer... can you?

no answer... i am not getting any replies... stupid...

~*haiz*~
~*smiles*~

.::is this the 4th?::.

~*why my hand ache?*~

i think it is because of yesterday... should i go next week? abit dui bu qi my da jie, suyin if i dont go leh... hmm...we shall see...

ya... reading archives do help...

it let you know the dates

it let you know what happened

it let you know how people really feel

it let you know what is really going on all this while

it just lets you know alot of things

who was the one who started the topic...

i am starting to think.. maybe i should not have really cared...

i mean... i should not have think right? just like what chuenyong said...

since you are used to him being in your life, then dont think about whether to let go or not... i think i talked to chuenyong about this for more than 2 times le?

but i know one day... something like this will come... i mean.. no solution will ever fall from the sky...

maybe i should not have helded on to it so tightly right from the start...

whatever it is now still lies in your hand... for the dont know how many times, you still cant decide.. maybe it is another time for me to have a say...

i was the one holding on tightly to it and now i am the one who just choose to let go like that... ok.. i am trying to let go... so that is just a typical cancer...

everywhere

ya... maybe... zhao zhi dao... ya.. zhao zhi dao... we all know how to say that... but it dont help...

so ya... maybe i should be happy for whatever that i had got all these while...

thank you... C=

maybe this is a chance to let myself know that my mood should not be so so dependent on you again...

what are the things? i dont know... dont remind me.. i hope they dont...

oh no.. something is happening at home again.. haiz.. good things never come together.. but bad things does...

if i can promise you never to give you the worst, maybe you dont need to prepare yourself for the worst...

but i know you cant promise me to not give me the worst, like now.. so i have to prepare myself for the worst...

thats all.. this is the 4th entry.. more to come... i think...

.::tell me::.

tell me that i would not regret...

i think i will wake up ok tomorrow... it will just be another day like before...

i think... if that is really the case... i think you should not be going next weekend...

you jolly well know that you can get what you want... you just have to be sure of what you want... all you have to do is ask... you know that... what is the thing holding you back?

i think i know who is holding you back...

should i lie? or not... i know this is stupid.. but i opened this browser for a super long time le... and until now i am still wondering whether i should... nevermind... dont touch on it bu jiu mei you wun tee right?

please praise me...

*slaps*
it is nothing de...

do i need to emphasise that Say goodbye is a nice song? i think i sent it to alot of people le..

~*oops*~
~*this is the 3rd entry*~
~*smiles*~
~*remember*~
~*you never know what wonders your smile can do...*~
~*...to me*~

.::please praise the clever one here!!!::.

~*i announce here that i am clever!!!*~
~* =ll *~

haas... see? i am clever right? get it right... it is CLEVER... not revelc... lol... ok... i am sensitive...

ok... i shall not continue...

actually...this is kind of stupid... but i think at least you feel something right? haas.. i mean... i dont mind.. but not happy have to say it out lah... haas...

ok... this is like the 2nd entry of the day le... i will finish this and fold stars and write somethings... C=

haas... stars... up till now, still counting and adding... hmm... i have 97 le... haas... i got myself another 2 packets.. but hor.. i got one burning question.. fold so many for what huh? give who huh? lol.. nevermind.. i happy jiu hao right?

i dont know.. blah... haas.. dont know what else to write.. maybe i will blog again tonight... C= officially sianed and nothing to do...

went to the bank... on my way home.. .i also dont know why i choose to walk home... i just cant think properly and i cried on my way home... ok...not cry.. .but teared... my eye hurts... took off my contact lens and now things are ok le... C=

`will you?
`i think i expected the answer to be
`nevermind...

~*whatever*~
~*always remember to smile*~
~*you never know what wonders your smile can do*~
~* C= *~

.::early morning -.- ::.

~*why this entry?*~

omg.. woke up after dont know how many dozens call from my mama... and now sitting in front of the computer...

played dont know how many thousands games of spider and i am seriously getting tired of them...

what am i feeling/thinking/doing now?

weird... hungry... missing someone, thinking of how to spend my time later, talking to cassandra and typing on this stupid thing for no reason... oops... not stupid.. THIS IS MY BLOG so it is not stupid... C=

i think i want to annouce... i lose all my emoticons!!! omg... cannt believe it...

ok lah... i think i better go find something to do before i start getting negative thoughts again... haiz...

IT IS NEVER GOOD TO LEAVE ME ALONE AT HOME OK? C=
*hint hint, always ask me out whenever i am free C= *

whatever lahs...

i know the previous entry is LONG...but make sure you read every single thing ok... muhahhahahahahhaha...

ok... food!!! where are you?!

.::i had enough people::.

~*i actually forgot what i want to write*~
~*hmm...*~

maybe i wil remember as i type along? my mind quite tired actually.. hmm... or is it my eyes? haas...whatever lahs...

today... i only remmeber i very tired and i dont really feel like going out of bed... and i think today i walked quite alot...haas...

ok..woke up... nag nag nag...i said 8.30 right? hmm... nevermind...it is over le... haas

i know.. i know... i will be more polite ok... C=

ti ki lah... i know... haas...

then went to plaza singapura that bus stop... omg de early can? 10.15 become 10... when we reach YMCA, only 10.05? o.0 which is omg de early... saw augustine there and da jie huh... happy signing her name away...that is just what she like to do...haas... d=

then went to bugis... first aim...look for sweettalk... cant find...went to basement...walked abit and concluded it is not there...went off to do cip... then after that.. hmm...i think we slacked la... I THINK LA... haas... then went to look for sweettalk again...

thank god this time round for giving some revelc people mouth... haas... the revelc people went to ask and realise... it is infront of cold storage= at basement... -.-

i can tell you...i feel so diputs then lor... haas.. do you understand? haas... whatever lahs... lol... then bought peppermint milk tea and honeydew milk tea... who say peppermint dont contain pepper... ask the revelc people add jiu you liao lor... the power of M... Muahahhahahaa... -.-

really lame now... sorry...

then went back...return the things...went to take bus... then went to PA... then got air con!! omg... never love aircon that much ok... no one can win aircon in my heart... power of the M again.. Muahahahahhaha.. haas...

then return costume...folded dou dou costume... then took water then walked to stadium... reached stadium, i decide to change...it is hot de lor... changed... then went to grandstand.. i think laoshi was there... saw da jie...then went to higher up there to put bag... then saw mei man mei... lol.. joking...i mean mei man jie...haas...

then talked to her and then jiangda had to go back PA to take thing from dajie, i mean to set up the video cam and things...so walked back cause i was trying to find food also... omg de hot again...

then went in, they having pract... so i stoned while he settled things with dajie... and then when their pract end and it is dinner time!!! C=

have to help some people la... teach Flush toilet... omg.. he going to teach people lor..i shall not annouce here.. dont know who lah.. just dont know who lah...

then went back to stadium with bellis and steph and some revelc people... then met up with pa core group along the way... then keelui and shibin and hannbin also...

then cross the road that time, some diputs people go and shouted some real STUPID thing...it is getting on my nerves... and i think i sense something... got some revelc people face jiu black and silent all the way until reach grandstand... hmmm... or was i too sensitive? d= but i think i am not that revelc to not be able to sense that bit bahs.. hmm... maybe i really over sensitve? C=

then you quiet i also quiet lor...muahahaha... then i start to stone.. but i really felt like sleeping...

then the whole thing started... then... oh no.. i am feeling tired now...i think cut short... also nothing much le lah...

things start and end and i went down during finale.. omg... fireworks.. nice... but who sitting beside me? shibin.. -.- whatever lahs.. haas...

then went down when they doing the position thing again.. then when EVERYTHING finally end, can go home? someone tell me have to check.. omg.. nowadays huh.. students are just so so so clever... not i want to say...seriously.. because of what you call that? we call it kong-de for now.. so ya.. .for the sake of a few kong-de, haiz.. like that lor...

went back in the bus with the sec3... suan... ok.. suaning each other..was trying to keep quiet and not be too hyped ok... but really buai tahan when they started the me girl or boy thing... then i started asking people whether they have school tomorrow.. i shall not emphasize the fact that tomorrow is Youth Day holiday and some people.. YES... some people just have to go office... and some revelc people have school... YAH LAH...i evil... HAPPY? power of the M... muahhahahaha....

ok...is it HAPPY or HEI PI? oops...lol...

then jiu in school.. start to get hyped again for dont knwo why.. and start to do turns again.. then jiu xuan zi.. failed... omg... fell... my hand.. impact but lucky not something big...

then went to clementi mac... omg..mac... i really had enough... then i also dont know why i eat... i am not that hungry...when food come then i realise that i am not hungry... only craved for coke... i still eat... omg.. what is that word? hmm...haas...

then i tricked one of my junior to wait for me..i said i will take train but in the end i didnt...

before we left, szepheng, kaiwei, kenrick and zixiang and ya.. the stupid things started and i think i whacked them quite hard.. d= ... not going to apologise...lol... kidding.. i dont think they mind... STOP IT PLEASE!!!....

then went off with szepheng and junior, the mitochondria... realised that szepheng can pei him go home so i decide to pang seh again... so i went home by bus... then blah blah blah... then reach home... bathe and i sat infront of the computer since then...

omg.. my eyes are closing.. cham...

also dont know what to say le lah..

for the dont know how many times i slap you, sorry.. haas.. but i know you dont mind right? lol... i know you dont.. muahahas...

i know what le... take photo jiu take lor... in the that nice and doog material tee shirt right? haas...

haiz... anyway... i forget somethings again... hmm... i mean i forgot what i want to say... like i said, for everything that i did, it dont seem that easy.. i mean.. i have my reasons most of the time... and... blah... dont want to continue.. haas...

good night.. omg...

`i think so
`nevermind

~*smiles*~
~* C= *~
~*i will*~

.::what a day::.

~*serious*~
~*no idea*~

i dont have a single idea what a day today is.. i mean.. not only is it in a mess, i am also not sure about what i am feeling... i mean physically... weak? maybe...

woke up in the morning... blah... dont feel like moving... i want to continue dreaming... but i dragged myself out of bed... bathe, went out to meet weihong and keelui... breakfast or lunch? i dont have a single idea... went there... as expected, late... so waited... the moment i reach there, i got for myself peppermint milk tea... so yupz... that is my breakfast... seriously no appetite... why? hmm...

then FINALLY they came... so ya... then they ate and we walked to nanhua... then all the trouble starts...

they had make up... and i just slacked around until mitochondria come along ask me to help him make up... so ok lor.. anything lor... make up.. but not i want to say la... i am not in those real great mood cause i am thinking.. and seriously it is not my fault that his make up did not turn out as fantastic as i expect it to be.. .he is so so so tan can? how to be outstanding? and i can say... the makeup that they got is real fantastic too...

then went through those finding and searching for costume... then went downstairs to the hall after trying to do turns and spins in the studio...

then the whole crazy thing started... locate and locate and trying to locate... hmm... that seems to be the thing that i am doing the whole day... trying to think and find out where things go wrong or where are the missing things...

then some clever people told some clever people somethings that should not be known to some other clever people... and whoa... scoldings... whatever... i mean things were settled in the end...

then went off... stupid i feel like i can faint anytime on the bus... so i sort of choose to keep quiet through out the trip... then come this big hoohah thing that we just have to discuss...

then conclusion... the moment i reach there... i dont even have time to find coke... but still later i did... and drank it and the next thing i know... walking around looking for teacher... haiz... nevermind... things settled in the end also...

then when things were about to be settled and people are on their way back, some clever people come and say that he forget something... o.0 really omg... send him to school teacher and decided to tell miss yeo and things sort of settled in the end when we realised that there were extras...

and we helped to carry those 'bread' to the teachers...

what did i do next? went to grandstand... laoshi friend helped to repair umbrellas... then walked back... saw dan and baoshun laoshi and went on, saw xiaohuan and friends... then tried to help her get tickets and cant find dan... so went to get his number, called him and he only know me by charcoal can? laugh laugh laugh... so ahead... did i say dan shouted at me today? he treat us to coke but i dont want to drink cause i just finished one and he just shout at me to ask me to drink..joking though...

then managed to find dan but no tickets...

had the first meal at god knows what time.. hmm... 4? then some clever people cut his hand... then mess mess mess... i dont know what happened next...

then come to this thing...people start to move to stand by area and some people just went missing and i dont think i want to touch on this.. i was so so so so frustrated then... cant they just be better? i mean them... haiz... stop this... i did not say anything huh...

then what? walked to the holding area... and i really want to die le... tired... nevermind... the performance went on...

why are there just some special people around huh? nevermind..i did not say anything AGAIN huh... d=

then what is next? nanchiau? ok...after them is finale... got a few clever people come and tell me no cloth... *slaps* so long le then say... i think got people hungry and ate the cloth or something... blah... cut cut cut... cant find cutter... blah... the first aid box is in a mess can?

then finally dig them out...cut and they used... and then the thing was ok bah... i seriously dont know...i only know... WO MEN BEI PIAN... no car lor.. even laoshi think there will be a car coming in to fetch the PM lee... but sadly no... after all the effort that we put in to help to arrange... whatever lah... nothing much goes right today...

then they had dinner in the stadium and as usual... nothing for us.. haas.. used to it.. then sat there are crap... ok..i think i listened more than i talk... tired.. haiz...

went on bus... another bus, different from the sec 3 dancers.. too crowded... and come all the scandal thing again... haiz... i kept quite most of the time..i think i speak less than 5sentence until some clever people poke me in the waist... blah...

then i still kept quiet...dont feel like talking...

reached nanhua...i went to sit at the stalls there... people got shocked seeing me sitting there in the dark...

then called some clever people and that clever people just dont want to tell me what happened... i thought about it the whole day can?

then finally i decide to go home first... i dont think i have the strenght to act happy and ok to them so i went to parade square to see them talking and debriefing the dancers... then when most of them were dismissed and left with the sec3, i decide to go home... i still intend to listen on but seriously... haiz... cannot make it...

then went to sam and some people there... i think kaiwen and what is that A.I. name? yanlong? nevermind... sai gang warrior just like sam... say i am going off... and i think i heard him saying that i look like i am going to collapse anytime...

Hello... who is the one here? tan jie yim got so easy collapse one meh? only few people get the chance to see me breakdown and nevermind... i mean.. i dont want to continue...

then went home on 188 alone and my mp3 die on me... and went out to walk and got food and had coke again... if not you think i still have the neng li to sit here meh?

then what? ok... sianed...i am real beat.. but i dont know how to go tomorrow.. hmm...

a nice song... liying or is it koonhui introduced it to me?

Say Goodbye
In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In THE years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets

Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart,is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts,is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
'CAUSE true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be thing we'll wish we'd never said
In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner though it rains

Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the worldI'd make this last

Sometimes goodbye, THOUGH it hurts in your heart,is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, THOUGH it hurts,is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye (so say goodbye)
But don't you cry
'CAUSE true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll comfort you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye, THOUGH it hurts in your heart,is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, THOUGH it hurts,is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to sayI'll miss your love in every day
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
Because a true love never dies

nono... dont think too much... it is just a nice song and it did make me cry last night...maybe because i was really thinking too much then...

but still i think that is just not what i am going to do now...

i think i need to annouce!!! CONGRATS TO YUNIAN... muahahahahahhahaha....

what am i thinking now?

blah..i dont know.. should i be happy or sad? hmm... people help me decide please...

i think i need to sleep now... seriously...

~*smiles please*~
~* C= *~
`sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry... =C

.::the third entry of the day::.

~*so am i really ok?*~

no..i dont think so..

i am feeling sick, i feel like puking... and i feel like talking to someone to know whats wrong but apparently no one is there...

i know i should be sleeping early... but i cant... i am not tired now... coffee is never good...

remembered what we were talking about just now...

people do change...

her, the one who never let anyone has any say over her life... now she is under the control of someone... and that form of control is so much more than what her mother is doing to her... but please... it is for her own good.. imean... whatever control, it is the good thing...

maybe it is really something good to have someone there who tell you by what time you should be home and by what time you should sleep... that is what is happening to her.. it let you know that someone care... someone out there really cares...

she is a changed person.. a happier person... but like all human, she dont know what will happen next...

if you are reading this, please stop thinking too much about whatever that is going to happen... cause this is just so life... life is like that... you never know what will happen the next moment... so all you can do now is enjoy whatever that you are having now... so what if you had assurance and solution to whatever problems that you have now? somethings may still happen... so best is still to enjoy...

do i need to remind you how much little time you are left with him before he is going for his NS?

another changed person...

i didnt expect to hear those comments from them... i mean... comments about this particular person... that is so not him... not something that he will say...but nonetheless, he said it... and what can i say? it is true that i did not hear that from him personally but still no reason to doubt the others... and i think it is possible for him to say those things...

people do change.. he is now the one who convinced me... ok... actually i know that all along... but that is just a change that i did not expect...

what will things be like a few months down the road? i am not expecting anything good from most of them...

that sound so bad... but haiz.. i think that is sad but the truth... i have one example on my hand and here comes the second one...

there is another changed person...

i think this is more of the predicted one... more than once... in and leaving my life... all those talks about more enjoyment, more entertainment at the end of the year? i doubt i will see them... cause i hardly get the chance to see him even during the june holidays...

come to think of it... why did it bother me so much? is it because i put in too much?

someone told me something about betrayal... it is not just the fact that the person you trusted lied but also for everything that you had put in, something that this person said or do, everything is gone... and i really mean EVERYTHING... so life is like that...

i still cant forget whatever that i had done... maybe all those dont really matters now.. but till now i never hear a single thank you or apology... i bet he still think that whatever that he had done is correct...

maybe ya... whatever he had done is correct... but i still think he should not be the one doing it... and i never blame him for whatever he had done..i am a leo... i need aprreciation... so maybe acknowledging what i had done can make me feel better?

no... he never know that... if he did, he will have done that.. .maybe he did.. .but i dont remember...

no he didnt... the thing just fell onto my shoulder and i had to bear it alone... why do i feel like crying? yes.. alone... we never talked about it again...

i was the last to know and turned out it is actually my fault... i mean... nevermind...it is just some pointless argument.. i bet everything dont matter now... i mean.. nothing matters now..

he is out of my life... and thats it... i should be used to it le right?

can i have it back?

if it is really the fault of that thing, i rather i never give it to him... mi xing or anything... i swear i will never touch it again...

even though he is standing next to me, he is someone far away... all the while he is like that...

why cant i be forgetting? if only i were forgetting.. maybe i would not be thinking too much now...

what was the thing that make me start to think so much?

i never like not knowing what happen.. and when someone gets not happy and just simply choose not to tell me what happen... nevermind..i really dont know what to say...

someone was telling me that listening to 'Say Goodbye' by S Club 7 makes him cry... hello.. erm.. it makes me cry too...

when was the last time i wet my keyboard?

now.. did i say that even baby changed? i just turned and look at her... when i needed comfort, i get nothing... she stared blankly at me... what do i expect her to do actually? lick my face to let me know that she is there?

baby no longer trust me... and i mean it... she no longer choose to follow me when i walked her... she will be so wary about things around her... why?

hope i can smile later...i think i can.. i am good at faking... remember? ya.. that is the old me... i shall try again...

i hope things will run smoothly tomorrow...i hope i dont get into some stupid problem with people again and i hope that i dont cry tomorrow... and i hope that the performance will be a successful one and i hope that it will be a safe one for everyone... especially those doing stunts, on bike and on stilts...

this is a long entry..i think it is time for bed..i will try to sleep... why am i so bothered? i kept reading.. trying to know whats wrong.. but apparently i still have no idea.. ok...maybe i know... but am i knowing the right thing?

what is this? ok.. conclusion.. more folding of stars... 50 plus le.. should i make it hundred?

~*smiles*~
~*thats what i want to see on your face*~
~*and be happy*~
~* C= *~
`i know it is possible to smile and not be happy
`it is tough but i can?