~*so am i really ok?*~
no..i dont think so..
i am feeling sick, i feel like puking... and i feel like talking to someone to know whats wrong but apparently no one is there...
i know i should be sleeping early... but i cant... i am not tired now... coffee is never good...
remembered what we were talking about just now...
people do change...
her, the one who never let anyone has any say over her life... now she is under the control of someone... and that form of control is so much more than what her mother is doing to her... but please... it is for her own good.. imean... whatever control, it is the good thing...
maybe it is really something good to have someone there who tell you by what time you should be home and by what time you should sleep... that is what is happening to her.. it let you know that someone care... someone out there really cares...
she is a changed person.. a happier person... but like all human, she dont know what will happen next...
if you are reading this, please stop thinking too much about whatever that is going to happen... cause this is just so life... life is like that... you never know what will happen the next moment... so all you can do now is enjoy whatever that you are having now... so what if you had assurance and solution to whatever problems that you have now? somethings may still happen... so best is still to enjoy...
do i need to remind you how much little time you are left with him before he is going for his NS?
another changed person...
i didnt expect to hear those comments from them... i mean... comments about this particular person... that is so not him... not something that he will say...but nonetheless, he said it... and what can i say? it is true that i did not hear that from him personally but still no reason to doubt the others... and i think it is possible for him to say those things...
people do change.. he is now the one who convinced me... ok... actually i know that all along... but that is just a change that i did not expect...
what will things be like a few months down the road? i am not expecting anything good from most of them...
that sound so bad... but haiz.. i think that is sad but the truth... i have one example on my hand and here comes the second one...
there is another changed person...
i think this is more of the predicted one... more than once... in and leaving my life... all those talks about more enjoyment, more entertainment at the end of the year? i doubt i will see them... cause i hardly get the chance to see him even during the june holidays...
come to think of it... why did it bother me so much? is it because i put in too much?
someone told me something about betrayal... it is not just the fact that the person you trusted lied but also for everything that you had put in, something that this person said or do, everything is gone... and i really mean EVERYTHING... so life is like that...
i still cant forget whatever that i had done... maybe all those dont really matters now.. but till now i never hear a single thank you or apology... i bet he still think that whatever that he had done is correct...
maybe ya... whatever he had done is correct... but i still think he should not be the one doing it... and i never blame him for whatever he had done..i am a leo... i need aprreciation... so maybe acknowledging what i had done can make me feel better?
no... he never know that... if he did, he will have done that.. .maybe he did.. .but i dont remember...
no he didnt... the thing just fell onto my shoulder and i had to bear it alone... why do i feel like crying? yes.. alone... we never talked about it again...
i was the last to know and turned out it is actually my fault... i mean... nevermind...it is just some pointless argument.. i bet everything dont matter now... i mean.. nothing matters now..
he is out of my life... and thats it... i should be used to it le right?
can i have it back?
if it is really the fault of that thing, i rather i never give it to him... mi xing or anything... i swear i will never touch it again...
even though he is standing next to me, he is someone far away... all the while he is like that...
why cant i be forgetting? if only i were forgetting.. maybe i would not be thinking too much now...
what was the thing that make me start to think so much?
i never like not knowing what happen.. and when someone gets not happy and just simply choose not to tell me what happen... nevermind..i really dont know what to say...
someone was telling me that listening to 'Say Goodbye' by S Club 7 makes him cry... hello.. erm.. it makes me cry too...
when was the last time i wet my keyboard?
now.. did i say that even baby changed? i just turned and look at her... when i needed comfort, i get nothing... she stared blankly at me... what do i expect her to do actually? lick my face to let me know that she is there?
baby no longer trust me... and i mean it... she no longer choose to follow me when i walked her... she will be so wary about things around her... why?
hope i can smile later...i think i can.. i am good at faking... remember? ya.. that is the old me... i shall try again...
i hope things will run smoothly tomorrow...i hope i dont get into some stupid problem with people again and i hope that i dont cry tomorrow... and i hope that the performance will be a successful one and i hope that it will be a safe one for everyone... especially those doing stunts, on bike and on stilts...
this is a long entry..i think it is time for bed..i will try to sleep... why am i so bothered? i kept reading.. trying to know whats wrong.. but apparently i still have no idea.. ok...maybe i know... but am i knowing the right thing?
what is this? ok.. conclusion.. more folding of stars... 50 plus le.. should i make it hundred?
~*smiles*~
~*thats what i want to see on your face*~
~*and be happy*~
~* C= *~
`i know it is possible to smile and not be happy
`it is tough but i can?
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