.::the day, my thoughts::.

~*hmm...*~

i read through a past entry... happened to come across it so i read it. was kind of surprised by whatever and how i really used to write or blog...

did i say that i cant be left alone at home for the whole day? i will think and here i am blogging... simply because i am blogging...

i am starting to wonder... am i doing the right things? i think some people will get angry or upset by whatever that may come along in this entry...

i heard about the reasons why all these things started again and i am surprised.. and i realised i am not wrong... someone out there really needs you more.. you never know how important you are to that person... you never know...

i have no idea why is there always this conflict within me... for how long has this been going on within me?

i wondered, should i let go? should i stop you? should i be angry? should i be selfish? should i be unreasonable?

all those questions popped up alot of times and i really mean alot alot and hell lot of times...

yet the conflict and contradiction within me always ends with me being selfish.. i want it my way... so ya..

i used to think... maybe i should just let others be happy and that will be enough for me... but then i realise i am not that great after all.. i cant and i dont have that courage to let go of just those certain things...

remember what i said? maybe she needs you more? maybe... but i know i cant take it if the outcome is bad...

oh...someone please tell me what is the point of saying and typing these things now? i am suppose to enjoy life now... enjoy the days.. i know... and i will...

this is just the aftermath of staying at home for the whole day alone...

i am not sad... i am just thinking of whatever that i had said that day.. .or rather yesterday... EVERYTHING... i think i sounded like i dont care... and i sounded like maybe i should leave but i know they are just somehow like the opposite... i do care and i cant imagine me leaving...

i need to know that things will be ok... sorry... i know... trust and believe and didnt i use to say that things will be ok in the end, if things are not ok then it is not the end?

if i ever sound like i am able to let go, please remind me that i am not that strong... if i ever sound like i am willng to sacrifice, please remind me that i am not thinking for you... if i ever sounded like i am going to leave, please remind me to not make decision for you...

amazed... myself... i never know i have this courage... i never know i will be involved in this show... yes... it seems so much like a show...

how i wish i can get angry... and if i am angry, my reaction will be totally different... but i know i am not angry... i just dont like this lost feeling...

ok... tomorrow... hmm... i went to the market to get somethings today and there is this auntie that owns the bookshop... she saw my purse and want me to get 2 for her... hmm... maybe i will get it tomorrow... haas..i think it is funny.. hmm... haas...

and i swear and i promise that i am ok.. but i am worried...

hmm... smiles... should i take a nap? hmm... d=

~*smiles*~
~*when the day comes*~
~*nothing will change*~