.::the problem is solvable::.

~*maybe i should not have gone there*~

i dont know.. it is like.. when i first went there, i see the people that i used to see when i was young.. ok.. hmm... the old feeling.. then i suddenly realised.. i am 18 already...

then i saw this uncle, dancing away to the music.. then i recall when i first met him... when i was primary 6, my dad set up a stall in bukit batok selling fishball noodle and laksa... so that uncle come everyday for noodle... hmm.. always sit at one corner and dancing and shaking his head to the music... how many years have passed?

then i saw this uncle who own the bread stall near that coffee shop where my dad's noodle shop is located... he live somewhere near where i am staying now.. hmm.. i walked past him dont know how many times and yet he no longer remember me... those times... when i helped out at the stall.. the whole coffee shop knows who i am and who my dad was.. those friends... gone... and today i came to realise... about 6 years have passed...

ok.. that is not very long and not very short either.. enough for you to remove someone out of your life and forget who that person is... so.. it is rather long afterall?

then i sat there and i started to entertain a little girl.. i know her since she was young.. i used to think that she is a spoilt brat until last year... realise she is in NDP'05 also.. and realised she knew one of my junior... and realise, she is actually not that bad afterall...

played with her today at the table... with her father trying to stuff me with food... seven people sharing food for 10 people? thats alot... nevermind.. played and eat... and played those kiddo games that i am not even playing with my sisters now... she is only 9... then i was thinking.. ok.. so i do have a way out with kids... can prove someone wrong le... i also can be tender loving care one ok? ok.. back to topic... then tried to run away when i was tired of playing with her and having so much food.. so i took her to the playground...

ok.. thats when i realise, she is somehow still a spoilt brat.. omg.. being the only child at home... excluding the kids that his dad's ex wife have la... i asked her to leave the playground.. die also wouldn't leave... omg.. really.. almost shouted at her... but i didn't... i faced her with a smile on my face throughout the whole night ok? she is not my kid... if she is mine.. i think i have a better way out.. i tried to get her to leave the playgrond for 15 minutes before i succeed ok? rarr... ok..

went back.. stuffed food down my throat again and went up to grandmother house to look for my mother... ok.. this is the whole big chunk of depressing thing that make this blog entry sound so down and sad today...

i came from a family.. a family with 2 sisters and of course my parents... my maternal.. having peace and harmony.. paternal.. something that is totally opposite from what my maternal side is having.. what can i say?

how many uncles i have? aunties? my grandmother gave birth to 18 children... deducting the one that is being killed by lightning... i am SUPPOSE to be left with 17.. erm.. hello... the number is wrong and never will it be right... my dad is SUPPOSE to be the 2nd son at home... but apparently, just a few years ago, someone popped up and claim to be older than my dad... hmm.. i didn't see that uncle this year though...

so.. i dont have 17 aunties and uncles in count and i am lazy to count them again.. and it is quite impossible to draw a family tree for my father side.. it is not just complicated but also a whole BIG chunk...

then come the big thing recently.. who to take care of grandma.. she stayed with us and we realised that her presence was not pleasant...
should i blame her for whatever wrong things that she had said before to others that is causing a hell lot of misunderstanding among my relatives?
should i blame her for not teaching her children the right thing to behave and do to their old age parents?
should i blame my relatives for their bad temper?
should i blame my aunties for having the mindset that my grandma's welfare no longer concern them?
should i blame my uncles for not just not wanting to help, but also not wanting to fork out money to pay for things?
should i just blame them for being selfish?
should i blame them for their shallow thinking?
should i blame them for not sparing a thought for grandma?
or should i just blame her for having too many children and blame fate?

i really dont know.. and how i wish that one day, if some other dispute regarding this happens again, i wouldn't happen infront of me..

when something happen and i cant help, i feel useless and lost.. and i never like being lost...

my mother had this conversation with my uncle and his wife today.. it all dragged back to the same thing..

i think some may agree that she deserve what she have today, given that she never care for all her children, she is biased and things like that... but.. i bet she never expect something so so bad in return.. not a single one caring for her.. nevermind.. not a nice topic.. putting it up here dont help and maybe i should just talk to you about it.. but what is the whole point of talking about it anyway? it dont help right? it does not concern me right from the start... maybe i should just shut up... as long as they dont come and disturb me can le...

then hmm... struggled home by cab with that huge bottle of wine.. it is heavy de lor.. one hand that, another hand 5kg rice.. really superman's ...hmm... le... felt so proud of myself just now...

then talk on the phone.. hmm... i was thinking.. say i not a single bit jealous is a lie.. how can i not be jealous right? i mean.. i only get jealous if i mind and i care.. so.. i mind and i care.. so i got jealous.. just abit.. but the reasonable me got me to keep things down... not losing stupid and silly and unreasonable tempers, etc...

ok.. missing someone badly.. haix.. i know it is mutual.. that is the happy thing bah... C=

~*smiles*~
~*currently missing my bed*~
~* d= *~