.::the leaving is only temporary::.

~*what should i type?*~
~*i don't know*~

okies... it has been quite sometime since i last blog... so here i shall blog before people start spamming and asking me to update...

anyway... recent life was cool with my clas... i finally feel some bond with them and school is doing fine... going to study well... al atleast above D... can promote i happy le...

anyway... not that i totally give up on NHDS or something... just that there are always different piorities in different phase of life for different people... and for me, currently, studies is much much mre important...

and no offence to all... i am also sick of hearing what is going on in NHDS... i miss the people there but... why make things so hard to all... to me, things there are no longer simply dance and making friends... somehow, i realise that you can't survive there if you are not sensitive to fakers... cause you never know whether that person smilling at you now may actually have a mask on his or her face...

anyway... it is really no offence... and i don't really care about the things...

for all i know... dance will move on... dance will continue to rock people's world... so be it... don't come and ask me whether something hit me or something that cause me to think this way or something... just enlightened... thats all

okies... so i should be mugging now... erm... but what am i doing here? oopx... =x... hahaha... anyway... i want HARRY POTTER... the Ebook can read le... but... greedy me don't feel right with the e book... guess i have to wait for my friends to lend me when they finish it...

i should get along with mugging... 2 months to promos!!! what am i doing here???

~*falling in and knowing i will get out soon*~
~*and hope it is real soon*~
~*it feels good to have an empty heart*~

.::post bday>>mei po day::.

~*i had fun today*~
~*at least today was better than yesterday*~

it is really nice when you feel nothing on your shoulders... no responsibility and everything... life just go on... it is true that things will seem better if you just take a step back and look at things from another point of view...

suddenly i just realised that people around me who used to seem mature is actually not that mature... erm... i shall not name...

and i also realise that people whom i think will never heed advices given to them actually do heed advices...

erm... nice... the world just seems to be getting nicer and happier and a better place to live in... erm... haha...

maybe i changed... over the night? what is this? haha...

i feel kind of bad... cause i just told mr low that i don't wish to take part in 6th august the performance... i just say... 'erm...mr low, i don't wish to take part 6th august the performance...' i cant believe ijust say like that... feel kind of bad although i think he will understand... he knows everything... he is the best teacher in the world... and i think alot of peole will agree to this...

today had fun being mei po... with kailing... but today is another time wheereby i get to experience those bad feeling... the bad feeling refers to having to smile although i am not feelng ok... cause today had headache... so when it was our turn... i was forcing myself to smile... until on the way back to PA... i took a quick nap then things got better... c=

i am wondering whether NDP should be the last for this year? i really don't know... but definitely i will go for the workshop on 4th september...

~*thanks for everything*~
~*to everyone*~

.::not the best but not the worst::.

~*Happy birthday to me*~
~*thanks ACTIVE hOTLINEs*~

after what happened on the 22 july... i feel very depressed... bad mood and stuff continued till 23 july...

when i was on 985 to PA... i suddenly have the urge to just let go of everything... i don't want anymore responsibility on my shoulder le... i am just so sick and tired of taking charge... why take charge when i am so bothered by how others look and feel?

maybe i will be happier without having any responsibility...

when i reach PA... i was not in the best of mood... until i reach padang... things got abit better... called the 2 active hotlines... one of them came over...

haha... these bad 2 days... all thanks to the 2 active hotlines arh... hee...

when i was waiting at gate 5 for our turn to perform... i finally know how bad it feels... i am not happy and yet i have to smile as though nothing is wrong... the performance went on... it is not the bes... i keep doing the wrong things.. .maybe i was not paying full attention...

i think it is good that he didn't come today... if not i will be even more pissed...

then when i was on my way back to PA from padang... i started crying after my mother hang up the phone... i doubt anyone saw...

i feel darn bad... the whole family have to wait for me... wait for me to cut cake... rush home after that...

had a lot of surprise from people... as in friends... i didn't expect them to remember my birthday... thanks to ken junying and serena... thanks alot...

feeling better now... jus abit sad... this is definitely one of the worst birthday... but nonetheless, i am glad that i still have friends with me...

finally... great thanks to the ACTIVE HOTLINEs again... SzePheng and JinWei... thanks for listening and all the HAPPY BIRTHDAYs

~*It is true that when you do not think that much you feel happier*~
~*I only realised that when my birthday is officially over*~
~*Thanks for everything*~

.::Happy birthday to me... don't cry girl::.

~*i never really know*~
~*why cant you understand?*~
~*i thought you understood*~
~*until you said those words again*~

my father asked me why people give me shirt... i say tomorrow my birthday... then he say... so tomorrow what time come home? i say 11plus... then he said something that makes me feel that he think i am staying out late purposely... then i said i will behome at around 11 plus for the second time and he said... 'don't forget what you promised me'... i thought he wouldnot say those words again... but he did...

am i suppose to feelsad or angry or something else?... it has been 3 years since i last celebrate my birthday with my family... and these three years i only got one cake... or should i say for the past few years... i only have one cake... i choose to not have cake and have pizza instead in the past... but recent years, i yearn for cake but i no longer seems to have time for it... i remember how i spent my last few birthdays...

2003, SYF is on the 24 july... so on 23 july i amsuppose to sleep early... i slept at around 8 or 9... there goes my birthday...

2004, Cultural Potpourri is on the 24 july and i am also suppose to rest early on the 23 july... so there goes my birthday too...

this year... tomorrow is NDP... i will be out at noon and only reach home at around 11plus... i want to spend it with my family... but... will it be the same next year?

i dont know why am i suddenly so sad again... i know my friends are with me... i know... i am suppose to try to be happy and smile more often...

maybe it is really time for me to let go of everything... but i cant...

haix... let it be... look on the bright side... i have fireworks for my birthday tomorrow?!

haha...whatever... it is not funny at all... if it is... i would not be sad now...

~*i thought he understand*~
~*but he don't...*~
~*if he does, he would not say those words AGAIN*~

.::NHDS and NDP::.

~*why did i realised all this when it is somehow so late le*~
~*but i know there is still things that i can do*~

she is not that bad afterall... she may not be the best, but she is still better than the others...

i give up on playing the game... that is game for kids... go and think... what is your ultimate aim? why bother to go through so much to get things done your way when you will not get what you ultimately want... everything bottom down to what you are thinking inside... yes... inside your heart...

just let things be the way it should be... no one have time for all these child's play...

less than 3 months to my promos... WORK HARD!!!

I want to watch RAPTURE... why can't i go? since i am in it le den be committed bah... i want to go out with my class...

went to 88th dinner!!! happy... haha... i sit up stairs leh... happy... Alumni seems so fun... haha... i tink i will join if i haf the time... haha...

met up with sze pheng and jinwei on tue... keep on telling me to study,,, i will,... haha... go and mug now...

.::NDP and NHDS::.

~*why did i realised all this when it is somehow so late le*~
~*but i know there is still things that i can do*~

she is not that bad afterall... she may not be the best, but she is still better than the others...

i give up on playing the game... that is game for kids... go and think... what is your ultimate aim? why bother to go through so much to get things done your way when you will not get what you ultimately want... everything bottom down to what you are thinking inside... yes... inside your heart...

just let things be the way it should be... no one have time for all these child's play...

less than 3 months to my promos... WORK HARD!!!

I want to watch RAPTURE... why can't i go? since i am in it le den be committed bah... i want to go out with my class...

went to 88th dinner!!! happy... haha... i sit up stairs leh... happy... Alumni seems so fun... haha... i tink i will join if i haf the time... haha...

met up with sze pheng and jinwei on tue... keep on telling me to study,,, i will,... haha... go and mug now...

.::be with someone who love you more than you love him::.

~*be with someone who love you more than you love him*~
~*you will be happier that way*~

get that into everyone's mind...haha... and i understand that... i am just scare that it will be unfair to the one who love me... cause i am not loving him enough... haha... that is just what i am thinking just now when i was bathing... and i came up with this clever thought... clever me huh... lol... whatever

back to today... NDP overall not very well... cause we changed the formation for the front part, before the wave part... so for the first few minutes, the chinese and the indians are not on the stage... okies... i can oli say everything was very luan...

next week dont know got who wedding... we need to perform also... sounds slack...haha... sounds fun... but i amhaving problem with my face sia... BREAK OUTS... sobs... all those make up and late nights and stuff... sad sia... help... haha...

okies... i came up with the clever conclusion when i was bathing because i was thinking about someone... haha... someone whom i dont even know his name and dont even know his particular... only know that he was kind of grapping attention... haha... saying his number out loud and doing some stupid things... so i was just thinking... maybe... erm... haas... just can say that let love come and find you... haax... whatever.. no link

could have gone to tomorrows 88th dinner one... but that stupid ms ban no time to change name with the police... so most likely is cannot go... haha... if can go then really cool sia... pay half he price to sit on top... muahahahaha... but i doubt i can go... sobs...

~*love knows its way*~
~*let it come to you*~
~*only then will it be right*~

.::Family is important::.

~*family is important*~

thanks for being there... there is nothing much i can talk about... i can only say that family play a big part...and i can finally spend aSUNDAYwith my family le!!!

.::Life moves on::.

~*Life move on*~
~*one life, live it*~
~*used countless times*~

Realise mine title kept repeating? Cause the same thingsjust keep surfacing...
I am always fretting over stupid things... and fail to get myself to take care of the important things...

I read from someone blog and was sumhow and someway enlighted...

Life is just filled with ALONE-ness... you maybe spending alot of time with people whom you don't know and passer-bys... but that is just physically... what about your emotions? when you are with the crowd, are you always thinking about the crowd? or are you alone somewhere in some deep thoughts?

at that time... the you, with the crowd, is only a shell... a empty shell that only few can manage to see... while the rest just see you as someone, all heart, body and soul with them...

i realise that most of the time i am ALONE in my thoughts in somewhere even when i am with a big crowd... i think that is the reason why i hate big crowds... more people there, more people you have to notice of and try not to let them know you are thinking of something else...

there are just countless of passer by in my life and in yours... that person may play an important in your life... but who knows the next day he or she may just leave you...

i agree to the fact that we all came into the world alone and leave the world alone... in the end, all the people around you will end up being just passer by... cause they can't leave the world with you most of the time...

lying in the bed every night...
have you ever think about what will happen tomorrow?
will you still be alive?
will you still be able to see that friend of yours?
when was the last time you met a particular person?
if you are to pass away now, what will be your deepest regret?

from all of the above, i only know that i still do somehow, miss him... just that abit of feeling... cause i am trying to put things under my control... stop missing him and having feelings for him... give me time... that day will come... i kept telling myself that... but when will that day come? i have no idea... =)

went for NDP today... for all i know is sometimes you ahouldstill hang out with the crowd...it does makes me feel better... but i don't like the way the day is ended... maybe i shouldn't even...

i shall not continue... with that stupid thing that is going on in my mind... it has no link

from all i can say... there are just things that i can never have it announced in my blog... how i wish i can just blog everything down... but i can't... not just this incident but also alot from the past... what i have written here are just kind of misleading... i just want to lead readers away from things that i really wish to say but i can't... guilty... but the situations do not allow me to blog everything...

coming into and leaving the world alone, link me back to the fact that we are waiting from the day we were born... the day we were born... we are waiting to be fed... waiting to grow up... waiting to nurture the next generation... and most importantly waiting for death... should i be sad that WAITING and being ALONE is just part of life? i have no idea... so i choose to accept it and do nothign to it except bringing it up and talk about it every now and then...kind of dumb... but... what can i do?

to her: i am ok... at least i think i am... or should i say at least i am ok in the days... haas...

yah... i realise another thing... i am just kind of FAKE... or should i say darn FAKE... seriously... i may seem ok, but i may not be ok...

i hate night time... the time when i am ALONE... alone to face the whole world... but did your ever realise that you a ejust more daring at night? it is because of the fact that at night you are in your own world... whatever you decide to do, you pay less consideration to what the world and people around you will think of you... so mostly DARING things are done at night...

HAHA... clever me... clever analysation... bleh... =P keke... whatever... ;)

oh ya... and i realis eanother thing.. most people gets moody, and i mean extremely moody at night... there are just people with you in the day to 'support' you... when night time comes, you realise that no matter what happen, you are still alone... the world is just the audience... with the support gone, you just choose to let yourself go moody...

and it could also be due to the fact that during the day you have to control your mood to suit the world... at night you just choose not to care... cause at night, the world just do not seems that scaring...
i am tired... tired of whatever that is going on... at times i feel like a failure... i have no idea why...

~*be happy*~
~*live in your own HAPPY LAND*~
~*help to build up others too*~
~* ;) *~

.::i try to think from another way::.

~*i realise the feeling is still there*~
~*i tried to feel how it would feel like to treat him like a normal friend*~
~*but the feeling is weird*~

i thought through the night... i realise that there are just somethings that just cant be let go off so easily... time will heal... i know that... hee... give me time...

there are just so many thigs happeneing around me... there are limited things that i can blog... cause i seriously dont see the point for blogging some things like HAPPY stuff unless they are really interesting...

the feeling is very bad... somehow... inside... but no longer that intese... cause i accepted the fact that things are just like that... things can change very suddenly... just whether i want or not...

for all i can say... i just feel stupid for sinking myself into all these things and making myself suffer... but now things turn out to be good... i got some good things in return... they are HAPPY... they are living in their HAPPY LAND... while i live in mine... this is better than all of us suffering...

no one is at fault... no one should apologise... except maybe for me for dragging people into this situation to feel sad together with me... i am very guilty... all i can say is i appreciate all the listening ears that people lend me... or offer me...

whatever happen, just stay HAPPY... i know your will... and if there is anything that you need help... come to me... i will be more than willing to help... ;)

to anonymous... not that i dont want you to tag... but just the fact that i dont like the idea of people hiding something from me... anf finally of all... thank you for being there... :)

.::sorries::.

~*sorry for turning to you when i am feeling down*~
~*thanks for being there and listening*~

seriously, i don't know who is it who tag those message...i will cheer up... give me time... i have to... i don't have a choice... life have to move on... i seem to have so much things to say but i can't... i seem to have alot of things to tell them in their face but i know i can't...

i don't know whether my intuition this time round is accurate or not... maybe i am thinkng too much... i shall not say it out... i don't know how others will look at me if i let them know it...

i know there are people out there who care for me... i know thatall along... but even if people care, things still bottoms down to me whether i want to tell them about what is going on in my life... i choose not to... not because i don't have trust in them but because i wish to keep things down and i don't want to drag others into this stupid thing of mine... this is really one BIG stupid thing that i got myself involved in... but... they happy can le...

i am thinking about something... i don't know i got that thought to make myself feel better or it is really true... by the way... the thought is just the same as my intuition... haix... i shall not continue on this thought and intuition thingy...

i am starting to think maybe i should just let go... seems like i am left without a choice, do i? and who is anonymous? not say hate it when people don't leave their name lah... but just that i don't like the feeling... the feeling of not knowing something... just don't like peope to keep things from me...

just smsed my friend... thanks for everything... i have decided to let go... haas... things just seems that easy now... cause i had such a bad time these few days... so i willbe a happy person again tomorrow... i will try my bestest to be happy... i promise myself... hee... my target... by this weekend... i will let go... but i think i will still have hope...

~*jie yim lived in HAPPY LAND*~
~* :) i finally feel that i am smiling again*~

.::the smile no longer holds::.

~*i failed*~

i hate spending my day time alone and i hate spending my night time with a whole group of people... an unknowingly depression and saddness will just set in... without knowing why...

i failed to appear happy... i failed to be happy... i failed to let her be happy...

why things choose to come all at one shot? stupid ginas... what is that particular one thinking? his thinkng ah... haix... no one understand... i failed to understand him also...

i suddenly have the urge to change my blog skin... but somehow i am just too lazy... the smile on the pooh no longer seems that genuine... a tingy bit of fakeness i sensed... maybe the smile on the pooh face is what i am wearing on my face... smile on the outside... but does anyone knows when the pooh crys?

.::why?::.

~*let me disappear for a while*~

i just want to vanish from this world for just that one day... see who will miss me and whoo will not...

why did i get myself into all this? i can only say i am happy as long as they are... so please be happy... for my sake...

why did i try to help when i am not that happy after all... i also hav no idea... maybe i just don't want to be seem as someone who is so darn bitchy that i do stupid things just to get what i want...

so this is the time to let go and let them be happy...

should i trust my tarots this time round?

~*vanished...*~
~*things will be ok in the end*~
~*if things are not ok then it is not the end*~

.::should i or should i not?::.

~*i have got myself a new friend*~
~*i dunno will she be reading this entry*~
~*but still i want to thank her*~

i talked to jialing,nan chiau one, about all the things... and we sort of exchanged info with regards to our thinkings... thanks alot for being there...

the nearer the end of the exam draws, the more i think that things are coming to en end... if i have a choice, i would rather my whole week to be filled with dance and not studies... but do i have a choice?

my tarots are telling me things about whether i should or i should not let him know my feelings... haix... see how first lahx....

and to zhongyi hor... not much story... cause i hardly go back to spend time there...

i will know the answer tomorrow, whether to tell him or not... and i sort of talked to him... and my tarots are also telling me that he have someone in his heart le... and i know who that person is... i am one BIG sensitive person... especially to feelings... now i am thinking whether that person will accept him or not if he asked her... and alot of things lah... hee... now don't care...

okies... programme for the week is FUN sia... tomorrow having dance at shi jian drama club, the first drama club in singapore... then wednesday, go help boss do work, then friday goshi jian again, then saturday go ndp, have to put make up and costume...i will cry i tell ur... darn hot can... da jie say wear body suit so that we can strip anywhere we want...haha... true... the costume is long sleeves... and long dress... and heels... tight heels, small cutting for the heels... preparing for blisters to appear on my feet... sunday gt ndp and nanhua going nkf... i think i going ndp at bouna vista... important practice... must go...

~*i hope that what i hope for tomorrow will come true*~
~*only i know what i hoped*~

.::why m i so unhappy recently?::.

~*i don't know why*~
~*but somethings are just not meant to be*~

the world is turning every second...I am forced to move on every second...do i have the choice to stay behind?i don't know and i don't think so...say me pesimistic or whatever that you want...but that is me...i am no longer the happy-go-lucky girl in my lower secondary school years...life just seems like a chore now...a burden that sometimes i wish to get everything off my back...but not by the means of death...

how i wish i can just sit there doing nothing except things that i like...i regret what i had done before...regret that i never put in an effort to study well and be one who excel in everything...but things just seems to be too late...

today is the end of my exam papers...next week will be having spa...today is also the end of my days...i expected bad results...i did study but i jus don't know what went wrong when i am in the examination hall...maybe when i get back results...it will be the first time i am going to cry because of bad results...although i know that nothing else can be done...i might still cry...

there are just somethings that i can't write them here...i can only write them in my diary...maybe i am just putting on a fake happy look in front of you?maybe i am just doing stupid things to piss you off to vent my frustration?i don't know...

there are just so many things in the world that can't ne decided by me...for people whom i will be working with these few days...bear with me...bear wit my temper...i may just come shouting at you without you knowing why...

daryl...you were frustrated at that point of time...i know that...we both are people almost with the same pattern one...our temper guides the way...wheni saw your message...i felt like being hit by accusation again...and you know i don't like that...since you didn't mean it that way...then that settles everything...i think you understand how bad i feel when i saw our message...that explains my bad reaction...my pride is somehow also in the way...

why am i living in a world with people nice to me only when they need my help?that feeling is awful...yes...i admit that my sister changed alot...she understand me more..but that element is somehow still in your heart...so please don't blame my bad temper...

people always asking me...why you let your sister climb over you head?...my reply is... "she think i don't deserve her respect...cause i am always out till veri late...and i am always hanging out with friends and create troubles or disturb others... and i am always doing the wrong and bad things... i know all that..."

but... there is always a but... we have different commitment... we have different friends... i am like that in nature...my bad temper that makes me start to argue with boys...but that doesn't make me a bimbo or something... my skirt is not short enough to be a bimbo and my dressing is also not revealing enough to be one...and my attitude is not bimbo-ic enough to be one...i have friends...i choose to be with them most of the time...simply because i don't want to be someone who only approach them when i need my help... i understand how bad that felt when your friends only turn to you when they need you... i am concerned with how others look at me... how others feel about me and what they think about me... if i can be a friend's good friend by just being there to listen or hang out with him or her... i shall do just that... cause to me that is an easy task... except for the part that i have to withstand all those scoldings from all the late night returns...

i am not a good daugther... i am not a good sister... i am not a good leader... i am not a good student... i am not a good friend... i am not even a good owner...

i always cause parents to have heartaches... i am not there when my sisters need me... i am not the one who is decisive... i am not someone who put in all my heart and soul for my studies... i am not always there when my friends need me... i am not even there for the precious in my family when she is having problems with her ears...

i realised it has been ages since i last hang out with my family for dinner... i realise i don't even know what class my sisters are in now and what courses they are taking... i realise i don't know whatis going on in nan hua... i realise i don't know how to do alot of questions in my papers... i realised it has been days since i last hang out with terror 4... i realised that it has being ages since i last fed her... i am guilty... guilty that i am too greedy in the past... trying to juggle so many things in my hand... now nothing is going the way i want...

i hate night time... when i am alone in my room...just like what i am doing now... thinking about all these stupid things... i hate time when i am alone...

i just seem so alone in this world... i don't know why... people just seems to be moving in and out of my life... maybe this is the point of time when all of them are busy with their own stuff and i have to survive on my own...

it is better to be with someone who love you more than you love him...i know...i hope you understand also...i hope all of your out there know this too...

how i wish i can let my dad knows that i know he don't like to see tears... i tried to control... i did... but i can't...

how i wish i can let my dad and my sister know that... i won't turn into those bitchy girls that they see on the road... i am just tougher than other girls... or should i say i appear to be tougher... i am not as demure as other girls... but that won;t turn me into a gangster or something... i won't turn into a bimbo... i know what to wear and what not to wear... i like to polish my nails... simply for the reason that i don't like the feeling of not doing anything... i want to do something... and nails are fun...

happiness is choosen by me... i know... i choose to be happy... after this entry and after tonight's sleep, i will be a happy person again for tomorrow...but i don't know what i will be thinking tomorrow night...

sorry to those whom i have offended recently... daryl... both parties are to be blame for what happen... you know what kind of person i am and i know what kind of person you are... our temper led the way... thats what caused all this thing... sorry to people whom i have attituded recently... i don't feel like talking...

~*tomorrow is a happy day*~
~*whether it can or not... i want it to be a happy day*~
~*i try*~

.::m i realli happy?::.

~*i will be happy if i choose to*~
~*i know that*~
~*cox i said tat*~
~*i will try*~



i don't even know why i fall for him in the first place...someone who i thought i will never fall for...but the feeling just come...he is so near yet so far...i don't know what he is thinking... and i don't dare to hope much because of my tarots... they are telling me not to hope too much...anyway... i also don;t have much time to think that much... don't let me be alone and i won;t start thinking...



will i be able to see him tomorrow?+++i don't know


will he call when i am having exams?+++i don't know


why he contact me and not the others?+++i don't know


what is he thinking?+++i don't know


am i thinking too far and too fast?+++i don't know


he is asleep but i am not+++he don't reply+++maybe he will call back+++i don't know+++but when he does,i still don't know what he is thinking



so what do i do next? i am waiting again... maybe i will admit soon...but what will happen after that? i seriously don't know...



will i see him tomorrow?+++i don't know+++i don't think so---



happi'LY'...haha...LY is the surname for 'Happy'



went mediacorp today...saw tay ping hui...and ann kok... and vincent Ng... dunno his eng name la...wong qing hai... he talked to mr low...hee... they do know each other... he veri shuai...hee... fri still got...hehe... can see more stars...and... i shall not add... friday tired le...sat ndp den sunday nkf... hee.. starting item...hee...



~*we did talked*~
~*but not much*~
~*my mind is filled with 'I don't know'*~

.::why did i fall for him?::.

~*why did i fall for him?*~

~*i dunno*~

~*i no longer tink...*~

~*i feel*~

why did i fall for him? i don't know... and i choose not to tink...i choose to feel my way thru tings now...i m happi now... so be it...

yup... he is not the best guy ard... but i dunno why...i still dunno why...so i choose to let tings go the way my heart want...

i consulted my tarot... although dey told mi nuting will work out... i still choose to not believe my tarot dis time round... i dun care le... but... m i rite or not? i dunnoo...

the oli ting tat i noe now is the fact tat i m happi... and i know i choose dispath myself... so i will be happi... no matter wad the outcome will be... or should i say... at least i m happi now...

life is liddat... u can oli be happi when u choose to be happi... u will never be happy when u oways choose to look at the bad tings... look at the nice and sweet tings and life will be better... believe mi...

i used to be depressed... cos i choose the wrong route...i looked at the bad tings... i tink too much... i tink it is now time for mi to look at the good tings in my life... in this case... i didnt choose to cry over wad happened previously... instead i lived on... and i m happy now tat i haf him in my heart... although i seriously tink tat i will be sad in the end but i dun care cox sumhow i know i will be happy if i chose to... abit no link... haha...

but the main idea is to be happy... choose to be happy... and not be sad all the time...

it is oli a crush for now maybe... but i m happy... and i will remain happy...

busy wif nkf and ndp recently... watch NKFs ah... dis sunday DI gt perform and next week nanhua syf dance item... i gt take part in dis sunday one... tml going studio or should i say later? hee... friday oso going... den sat gt ndp training... den sun gt nkf actual... yeh....hee... tired but kind of fun... like i say... it is the company tat matters...

went pa today and saw a stray kitten... should be oli 2 weeks old nia... poor ting... cant stand it when it cry... i admit i omost cry... cox it makes mi tink of my kitten tat had past away... i fail to take good care of it... just when i tout it wun die... it will survive, it die... hannbin was sort of entertaining the cat lah... haha.... christine went wif mi to the float...trying to find back the kitten mother.. although i know the mother no longerwill want it le... as it haf human smell... but i still want to try...we cant find aniting... yongxuan was like scare of the kitten liddat lor... aiyo...big guy still scare little kitten...

<>

9.30 finali arrived...den move the drum den went off... we took the drum sticks home...except for yx lah...den walked out wif da jie and yx... den went to eat wif yx den take 985 wif yx home... suck lah... the ride suck lor... darn long... sia... sian... finalli reach home lor... haha...

going to see him soon... hehe... lame lah... i dunno why... i just feel now n i dun tink why i like him... cox seriously... i cant find ani reason....

~*life moves on ah*~

~*feeling my way thru and not tink*~

.::wad am i tinking?::.

~*nvm...i dun care wad i m tinking le*~

~*;et my heart guide mi*~

~*toking crap*~

~*haas*~

ok...iz like ... finali i can use my com... aniway... thankyou koonhui for ur effort to compile everyting...but hor... haix realli cant make it... and thankyou yongxuan for clearing up koonhui's mess... haha... **guilty me**

com down lah... having exams... nkf and ndp...can die... hahas... but funafter all... haf to chiong studies...

erm...to her...dun tink she will read but koonhui, ask her to come and read la... go and tink through all the tings tat i haf being telling u and stop doing wadever u r doing... haha... it is never possible... hee...

thankyou koonhui huh... wad terrible taste... hee... aniway just shut up and never tok abt tat again k? thx ... haha.... :P

~*life is still the same*~

~*but will be better if the2 are together*~

~*heez... :p *~

.::you never know::.

~*you never know what roles you play in others life*~

people come and leave in your life... did you ever go and ponder how important they are to you? i never... i regretted it... i think i should... cause you never know whether you will wake up tomorrow or will this meeting be the last meeting for you and your friends...

you never know what roles you played in others lifes... cause no one goes around telling others you are part of my life... those few words are just so sacred that it is hardly heard... if everyone goes around telling everyone that they are important then it defeat the purpose...

from the moment i know what is going on in this world... i know what are important to me vaguely... i know my family and friends are important... but i fail to go and grade them... i even fail to go and treasure them...

for both family and friends... i lose the most basic thing... trust... i fail to gain trust... bot that someone is out to stab me or anything but for the simple fact that i fail to earn trust throughout my life... i do not have a single idea why all these are happeneing until i realise that i fail to treasure... as i fail to realise how importan they are to me...

be it entertainment or companion or any other role that you are playing... you still matters to that particular person... you may bot have leave an impact... but when times come, people will learn to treasure...

time is precious... never let others wait... waiting is just a bad feeling... a terrible feeling... you never know what is ahead of you when you wait... i will start to think of the negative extreme end when you make me wait... i will prepare myself for the bad things... it is such a bad feeling...

you never know what role you play in others life... you played a part in my life... i fail to see that until problems arise... sad but there is no longer anymore things that i can do... i can sense that we sort of changed you... maybe your attitude towards us only... but not your attitude towards life... but whatever it is... i feel that we got our ultimate aim if you changed your attitude towards life...

whatever it is... life still have to move on... :]

~*learn to treasure*~

.::m i doing the right thing?::.

~*the world moves round*~

~*where should my heart settle?*~

i kept on telling her he is a great guy... he IS a great guy... they deserve to be together... i kept trying to push them together... but m i doing the right thing? I dunno wad will be the consequences...

~*let time tell me the answer*~

.::com down... i m not::.

~*my life moves on*~

he cum and left... didnt matter much... cox i was preparing myself for the worst when he went missing... i trust my tarots too... dey are telling mi the worst oso..

sho much tings happened dese days.... new terror 4... blur blur... aka roy...

to demon... i dunno when u will see dis entrry... but i realli dunno wad to say to u now...

to all out dere... love can be strong but it can oso b veri weak... love... be it friendship or ani other tings... dey can cum and go anitime dey want... but tat does not mean tat u haf a choice to put an end to it anitime u want...

my whole life... i oli put an end to friendship once wif 2 ppl by saying tat i wanna end friendship... tat is first time i said it... the 2nd time is to the demon... but tat was oli after he said sumting similar... i did it out of spite wif the other terror... knowing in mind that tings will still be orite soon...

i dun undstd why demon treat friendship so lightly... mayb he dun mean it... but... haix... hu know wad he is tinking...

~*life will move on*~

~*be it the demon is there or not..*~

~*but demon plz tink... *~

~*how will life be wifout the terror?*~

did we ever tell u tat we tried to control?we did... the frequency is lower now... did u even realise tat?

.::until sunday::.

~*who the hell know what is going on?*~

~*even i dunno a single tiny little ting*~

how i wish i know wat is going on... but the sad thing is i dunno... so wad else can i do except wait on?

why did u even cum into my life?maybe wifout u, i wun be sho troubled now...i will still be leading my peaceful life...

~*i woke up every morning...*~

~*onli to be surprised that i actualli managed to slp thru the night...*~

according to yiting... he didnt contact anione means he izzen out to end everyting... but that was not wad my tarots are telling mi.... true tat i lent my tarot to alot of ppl before... maybe it no longer belong to mi... should try to forge the bond btw mi and my tarot...

if he izzen out to end tings... den tat is worse... sumting happened...i dunno lah... so let it be... wait and see... since i was the one who suggested waiting till sunday... so let it be... stupid mi... let mi drown myself in liquor dis weekend... mayb mayb not... see how first... i must remain as a guai gia... haix...

up to dis point... how i wish he was never in my life

.::wad else can i do except wait?::.

~*i try to be ok*~
~*i will be ok*~
~*or m i lying to myself?*~

i dunno wad to tink and i dunno how to tink animore... i go to the extreme... i can only wait now... wait and hope that everything is ok on his side... wad else can i do?

sori roy i choose not to go in the end... cos i realli not in the mood when i realised that i have to wait again... i wait for one year... and for that past week and those few days i thought that i can be happy again... but i sort of realise i was wrong... terribly wrong... sumhow he might have things planned out... or we strated out but he think that sumting is not right... or mayb things are just not right on his side...

i dunno wad to tink and how to tink... i dun wan to lie to myself to tell myself to tink on the better side... i dun wan to put in hope cox i dun wan to have disappointment in the end... so i choose to numb myself and maybe drown myself in liquor... i dunno wad i will do... i will never do it again on my own... should the sunday cum and he didn't appear, but he appear sumwhere else, i will not be the one doing the job... it shall be my friends... i haf done enuff... in fact i think i do too much... i felt myself like a pest... so i choose to let go and dun tink about things now... enjoy my week till the sunday cum...

i dunno wad to tink... hope to find him but scare to face wad terrible truth there might be... but still hope to find him to know that he is orite...

haha... and dear readers... iz ok not to understand a single ting... or mayb undstd sumthings... cox sumtings are just meant to be like that... to be a mystery till the mastermind choose to reveal everything....

i tout i can be happy... but i was wrong... i just want to know he is ok... i can not care that much now... he is just another stupid guy... mayb i will have to wait again? mayb i should not even had said yes? i dunno... i oli know tat i m sad and worry and every other ting bad...

.::terror3::.

~*Life still moves on for the terrors*~

~*what about you?*~

i met up with the 2 terrors that day and guess where we terrorised this time round? haha... sakae sushi at the borders... so the 3 terrors hang around at borders and then sakae then we took train home... haha... then chang er kept looking at the butterfly jie jie... haha... and keep threatening to give me and liying wundercat tatoo... ahaha...

next we went to cck... and went to 7-eleven... then walked to somewhere near sounthview primary school... the workout area... that was where the first batch of terror 4 was first named... that stupid chang er kicked the work out machine and had a bad cut on his toe.. and that liying girl huh was laughing like mad... hah... sadist... omg...

then i HAVE to go home... then i went home...

was actualli tinkning that i can mit him after dance... but... haix... i tink his card no money or sumting... i didnt even get a reply from him... hax... frm last nite till now... haix... dunno wads going on... i kiptinking whether he gt receive my smss not... stupid... all i can do now i wait...

now i m feeling sick... having slight fever... must recover... might be going sentosa dis fri and overnite at west coast on this sat... haha... wed still gt dance... going to run like siao...

life moves on for the terror... running away wun help... i know u will still be reading this entry sumhow... just like what liying said... to stay or leave, everything is ur choice... before you make any decision you haf to tink twice... cox u haf a lot to face... to stay.,.. you have to change... to leave, will you be able to live aloone? yes.,.. you can learn but how long will that take? you can cum back... everything is your choice...

we are pissed tat u actualli let ur parents know abt it... shouting to the fone in the living rm is obviously sumting big.,.. ur mama surely know one... you wanted to get solution but IZ YOUR LIFE... u haf to search for your own solution...w ecan oli tell u wads wrong... u have been living for the past 16 years and the mentaliy proof to be wrong... but u r still unwilling to change? wad are u afriad of? tings can never get ani worse... after u changed, either tings get better or remainn stagnent... it difinitely wun get worse...

but still i hafto thank you for bringing wonderful people into my life... without you, they will never be with me....

~*decide and let us know ur answer*~

~*but be prepared for wadever decision you make*~

.::love and like::.

~*wads the diff?*~

~*i tell you*~

go and ask around... the 3 words, 'I LOVE YOU' just come out straight from the mouth of many couple... but please go and look around... how many couple who claim that they love each other last?

no offence... but from my point of view, the word LOVE is serious... it meant alot of things to me... and my good friend too... go and ask jeremy too... he will tell you what he think about the different between LOVE and LIKE.

to me, LOVE has so much commiment... to me, LOVE is forever... but LIKE is not... i never say i LOVE someone... except for my parents bah... even when i waited 1 year for HIM, i also never mention that i LOVE him...

somehow i just think that we are still far too young to understand what LOVE means... but around me, there are still so many people who like to mention LOVE... the word is worthless now... so what can i say?

glad that at least i found a friend who agree with me... LOVE is a precious word... we will never use it unnecessary... hee...

~*LOVE is so different from LIKE*~

~*I m scare i m oli a substitute*~

.::I dunno why::.

~*i realise i m lying to myself all the while*~

~*so how?*~

haix... all along i tout tat i played or shd i say i bullied him for the sake of training him... but today, i seem to realise tat tat does not seem to be the truth... or shd i say we managed to change him but turn out we dun like the new him...

no one can deny the fact tat he is getting more and more hot tempered recently... iz true lor... go ahead and ask ard... i m not the oli one hu feel that way... iz commonly known even in his family... god knows wad happened sia... haix...

all i can say... version2 seems inachieveable... cox all of us are sick of his reaction and stupid attitude... he is just turning into sumone hu cant accept jokes... we dun like dis kind of ppl wif us...if we can accept dis kind of ppl into our group, den we can accept sum other ppl le lah...

for goodness sake... u r the one hu bind the 4 of us as terror 4... u were wif us... u were once part of terror 4... but u intro li into the group...u make ur own choice... u choose to be the demon... even if u didnt say sumting like tat...u gave others tat message: 'i dun mind being the demon for the terror 4'

and i can tell u... u failed to rise... u didnt rise on ur own after each attack... if we didnt gif in, will u risse? go n tink...

version2 seems so impossible now... to tink tat we actualli started out happily today, tinking how to celebrate ur bday... we were just wondering whether iz time to stop targeting u... but so how now?

version2 is unattainable oso becox of the fact tat u know tat u can never be able to bring good influences into the group...so why the hell in the world did u even go and think of version2? more and more frequent quarrels and arguement... maybe iz no longer ur gang... sumone just told mi he dunwan his *** near his gang... so wad can i say? iz no longer ur gang...

no one bother to go and tink abt wads wrong wif u animore... is ur tolerance level realli tat low? tat wasnt the case in the past... if u realli tink tat wif us, there is oli fear, den dun bother... bye bye are the oli 2 words i can gif u... we can live life well in a demonless world...

'why r u pissing off? i shd be the one!'... fancy asking mi why... u can get angry and say bad tings and walk away... since u haf the rites, why cant i haf mine? still tink stupid mi go and be nice to u... ask urself... was my tone bad rite from the start? i sounded nice i remember...i realli wanted to pass the tings back to u... so how the hell in the world would u feel if i scolded vulgarity to u when u were nice to mi?

yeh... maybe dis call for celebration... u did learn sumting from mi... throw away all ur belongings... but cum to tink abt it... hu r u? dis ting dun work for all... u r diff frm mi... ppl may cum aft mi if i do the same ting... even if dey dun, i will still turn back... but wad did u do?

u throw away everyting and u didnt realise tat it dun work for u... and u didnt realise tat whenever i do tat, i will either be asked to go back or i will go back on my own...

u cant put down ur pride... we r back to the same topic... can u put down ur pride? haix... frm wad i see, i realise tat i shd not comment again... haix... just accept it bah... u know wad i m trying to drive at... haix... is dis suppose to be sad?

know sumting? i suggested sending the same message to u to end the friendship... haix but the sad ting is... no one even care... i tried to be nice... i sounded nice at first... but how was i treated?

just like wad er say... sad lah!!! terror 4 is together... and u will oli be demon and nuting else.... accept all four or accept none... we stick together...

~*ya... mayb u tink we suck*~

~*but tink thru why we choose u and not sumone else?*~

~*take it or leave it*~

~*we dun like a demon wif attitude*~

.::My Choice::.

~*Good or bad*~

~*Change or not*~

~*Everything lies with me*~

~*It's my choice*~

To most, maybe your think that I am super duper bad girl or just some other stupid people with some other stupid character... Even my parents think that I am very bad... How can I get the idea into their mind that I know what I am doing and I can keep control of this kind of things? I can tell you.... Even if I smoke or drink or do some other stupid things, I will still be able to stop... As long as I am not addicted... And I know why I am doing certain things for, so I will not get addicted.

anyway... Believe me or not... It's also still your choice... I can tell you that I can be a super duper good girl who goes home right after school and don't even go out or talk on the phone... But I can tell you, u will not like me that way... Because when that time comes, u will have realize that you are so used to the old me that you find it weird facing the new me...

~*Change or not*~

~*good or bad*~

~*everything is still my choice*~

~*I will try*~

see koonhui, I changed.. But I can tell you it is short term only... I only wanted to prove to you that I can change

.::today::.

~*how is my life today?*~

~*lol... i dun realli know*~

ok... basicalli... today, wich is refering to 31st may 2005, was quite an ok day lah... lol... quite happy... lol... madagascar is a nice show... haha... but... i realli had a hard time tring to get the time to mit and hu to go out wif rite...

aniway, another happy ting is the fact tat my sis is going away to pulau ubin for camp tml!!! lol... i m super duper happy... haha... peace at home finally... cox i hardly quarrel wif my younger sis... shall pack my room and start studying tml...

lol... i kept tat book away to not let sumone see sumting inside... in the end i dun even know where the hell i left it... haha... sori li... lol.. no goodnite msg... haha... nvm... i shall go and try to find back the book...

sori er and ly, kept asking ur to go out... lol... but we realli haf to tok abt tings one day... how to 'CELEBRATE' koonhui bday!!! lol.. looking forward to tat day... go out and taunt... haha... cool...

sori kh, kip asking u out too... i realli wanted to go out badly sia.. lol... bbut i realli dunno where to go... haha... and hor... just accept the fact tat u will always be bullied... and thanks a million for today... hehe... wanted to mit but in the end say cannot... one day shd ask ur bro out and treat him nicely too... haha... u know wad i mean... and for goodness sake lah... stop asking mi to try and change my style of typing...lol... i wun change one lor... haha...buai song den dun read... haha... but i know u will still read one... but hu knows? maybe one day i will change? everyting is still my choice... haha...

hope tat west coast tingy faster cum... lol... i wan to go out and play... tml must study... so not going back nhss for dance... mayb the day after tml bah... tats 2nd june...

tats abt all... and now iz super duper late... haha... but i still cant slp... lol... i shd go play gunbound... fun sia...

~*That's All Folks*~

.::life is full of NEW tings::.

~*life is full of NEW tings*~

~*full of NEW ppl*~

went out tat day wif friends ah... lol... super fun...

i met new ppl and i tried new stuff...

the new stuff, i just did it for fun... i didnt want to control myself tat day... i just let myself go haywire and let myself go havoc... cool... nice experience...

met new ppl... lol... all 4 of us haf common interest... lol... i shall not further elaborate... haha... poor him... he cant slp all nite and he haf to look aft our bag... lol... so sad... but fun... haha... the new person... lol... dunno why kh intro him into our group lor...lol... i mean.,.. lol... kh intro sumone into the group to bully himself... since he know tat we will always be bullying him...

the new person ah.. lol... gangster ah? haha... but at least he better dan kai*****... haha... mayb the 2 haf the same character... as in like to tok big, 吹牛, but sumhow i dun realli sense tat when i tok to tat person... lol... he is not a bad person afterall... at least the impression tat he left was batter dan the impression tat kai***** left... lol...

i realise tat guys like to kip tings to demselves.... y ah? dun undstd... izzit becox of pride? or izzit to dem friends are realli nuting... haix... nvm... everyting is still deir choice.. to say or not to say...

~*NEW stuff and NEW ppl*~

~*nice experience*~

~*haha... how i wish i can haf fun again!!!*~

.::Life is full of everything::.

~*I start to think*~

~*and accept that life is full of everything*~

~*Cause everything is life*~

~*Without everything, life is not around then*~

i dunno wad realli happened recently... seems like a whole chunk... so much that i m all messed up... so messed up tat i dunno wad to handle first... i m scare... scare tat i will regret...

one by one den...

it all happened when sumone told me sumting... or shd i say i asked sumone sumting... i m sensitive... i sensed tat sumthing was amissed... so i went to ask ard... just like wad i tout... haix... another accusation... but it resolve in the end... sort of resolved... wad else can i say besides accepting it? i know dy still rock...

hb...

thanks for everything... thanks for clarifying.. i know rumors are hard to avoid... i undstd... thank you for being dere ah... hehe... i m fine... thank you for the trust u haf for mi...

haix quite sad lahs... u see lah... how mani ppl in the gang can be trusted? i tink oli ppl like dal and hb oli bah...

for dose hu want to know more, cum and ask mi personalli... see i willing to tell u or not lah...

next is kh... haix... wad can i say? i can oli say i haf no time for him...

it is sad to know tat ur friend dunno wad u are doing for him... the same case.. for so mani years and i didnt even get the basic trust... to him i m still friend hu enjoy humilliating him... haix... so be it...

i know u will sumhow read dis entry... we hang up the fone and dr u 3 similar bomb cox we are pissed... 'thank you, both sincerely and sacarsticly'... wad is tat suppose to mean? wad do u tink we tink? so we choose to take the bad extreme end...we spend hours on fone... hoping tat he will undstd... but he dun... nvm... we hope tat sumday he will... but wad we gt in the end? tat thankyou tingy... so how m i suppose to react?

i may be a bad friend to u... i m treating u badly... but tink abt it....wad m i actualli intenting to do thru dose stupid act... dun tell mi i enjoy taking the risk of being humiliate by u in return? i know sumday u will do sumting in return and u did... dun tell mi i humiliate u hoping for myself being humiliate in the public too?

i may not always be dere for u when u are down... but think of wad we4 went thru,.. i know as foursoome it izzen much... but simply the 3 of u? dose late nights are not wasted.. i hope... but i m wrong... u nv undstd wad we are trying to do...

we can simply be doing the same as wad others do to u... ignore u... tat was wad we did... and wad did u interpret out of it? we simply hope tat u will know how impt it is to make more friends and not rely on us... but? haix experimental failure bahx...

let our friendship end here...

tat was never true until wad u decide tat it will be true...

i dunno wad is in his mind... ppl nowadays are getting more and more complicated... life is never normal again... wad can i do? hardly anione out dere i can trust... except dose 2 tat i mentioned...

i m just another failure here sia... i failed to earn trust from ppl... so wad else can i say except blame myself?

~*Life is suppose to be normal*~

~*u may think it is normal now*~

~*but wad is the definition of ur normal?*~

.::life moves on::.

~*i m ok*~

~*AGAIN*~

stupid lah... i suck... aniway... i know hu to ***** and not to ***** hu...

too agitated.,.. bt... i tink iz sumting good...

~*朋友*~

这些年

一个人

风也过

雨也走

有过泪

有过错

还记得坚持甚麽

真爱过

才会懂

会寂寞

会回首

终有梦

终有你

在心中

朋友

一生一起走

那些日子不再有

一句话

一辈子

一生情

一杯酒

朋友不曾孤单过

一声朋友

你会懂

还有伤

还有痛

还要走

还有我

.::i failed again::.

~*i failed again*~

~*hu is out to get mi?*~

i failed again... and i failed terribly dis time round... i lost everyting... everyting to afew msg tat i dun even know origin...

2whole years, i spend 2 whole years on dem... i never ask for anitng... i just want dem to grow up and stya out of trouble... i tout dey know wad i m doing...wad i m doing for... know tat i m sincere... but wad i gt in the end?

i didnt even get the basic trust.,.. i m so bad in their eyes...

HIM... i expected HIM to know mi well... never did i expect HIM to feel the same way...

ok... fine...i give up... i dunno how to continue le... how to face dem? how to act like i m ok? when i m not?

~*mayb i should not do aniting for the past2 years*~

~*if i didnt, i will be so much more happi now...*~

.::wonderful nite::.

~*had a wonderful night again*~

~*thank you and i realli mean it*~

i shall not elaborate much on wad i did cox i dun wan to get myself into trouble...lol... but all i know is i had a great time...

i always wanted to know how it feel like to be drunk but sad case, i never get drunk... haiz... aniway i know i will be drunk one day...

poor koonhui bullied again... but he did sumting daring tat we actualli went to celebrate... he splash water on mi and er in the mrt... omg... lol... congrats ah... grow up le... haha... is the cheese nice koonhui? lol...

haha... sori ahs... lol... i was sober... totalli sober... i could control just tat i choose not to... haha... poor kh... tat was also wad liying was doing... she can control... but she choose not to... haha...

.::quiz time::.

~*i wonder if dis is true*~

~*but it seems quite true*~

i took a test at quizilla... abt wad i feel towards love or sumtine... below are the result...

FROZEN QUEEN/ KINGYou dont want love to come through to you. You like
it the way you are. To be unreachable, no need
to show feelings. Hiding everything inside you.
You are already used to it. You say yourself
that you dont need anyone, that you stand on
your own two feet or that you dont have time
for these things. But in reality you are scared
to get hurt. You feel save where you are: by
yourself, nobody can hurt you there. You
invent your own relationship in your dreams.
You just need to know that you COULD get a
partner.Thats it.PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always
message me or tell me how I can improve that
quiz. Ill sure write back.

~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by

.::bad days::.

~*bad feeling dese few days*~

blah... bad feeling dis few days... feel realli bad... bloated feeling, gastric and leg pain... hope it gets better... doing my best to hope it get better... like applying sumting warm on it... blah... but still i tink becos of the weather, iz still as bad...

sunday gt dance!!! but i go dere do wad? ix like... erm... nuting much i can do... but now tings are better le... i tink gif mi a few days n i will be ok le... aniway my mc ends at today... haf to do pe le... but nvm... i will make sure i pass my 2.4 wif flying colours... ahahaha...

~*we tok alot recently*~

~*i caused him to tink*~

~*but tings r different*~

~*the feeling is different*~

~*cox i know the feeling will never be right*~

.::会有那么一天::.

会有那么一天

一九四三世

界大战阿嬷年轻的时候

爷爷爱他那么多

他们感情很深

但是爷爷身负重任

就在离乡的那夜

给了阿嬷一个吻

轻声说到

我要离去别再哭泣

不要伤心请你相信我

要等待我的爱陪你永不离开

因为会有那么一天

我们牵著手在草原听

鸟儿歌唱的声音

听我说声我爱你

夕阳西下鸟儿回家

阿嬷躺在病床上

呼吸有一点散漫

眼神却很温柔

看著爷爷湿透的眼

握著他粗糙的手

阿嬷泪水开始流

轻声说道

我要离去别再哭泣
不要伤心请你相信我
要等待我的爱陪你永不离开
因为会有那么一天
我们牵著手在草原听
鸟儿歌唱的声音
听我说声我爱你

life still move on ahrs?

.::lol..nuting to write::.

~*nuting to write!!*~

erm...lol... the previous entry is all in perfect english... at least i tried to put all in perfect english... lol.. for koonhui ah... honoured ah? lol

all i know now is my leg pain... can bend and walk but pain... haix...

recently into writing testimonial ah... lol... cos i m sian abt blog le... =p... lol... i will still be back to blog... but i tink entries getting shorter and shorter each time... haha...

ppl... tag pls... veri quiet... aniway... check out the blogs ah... anibody wan link, pls tag to tell mi... ahaha... i will be more dan willing to link you... erm... sound abit bitch?lol... i dun care... ahahahhaha...

if u buai song, click on the [x] up dere... haha... kidding... lol... wad is life without jokes ah?

think myself quite extreme... haha... happy so happy... sad and depress that time so scary... look at my previous entries... haha... so extreme sia... but i m happi that i m happy now... lol... CRAP... ahaha

sori for being so extreme hor... lol... and thank you and apologies for ppl hu cum tok to mi... i sort of think i wasted your time... =p...

~*tag plx!!!*~

~*thank you*~

.::dedicated to... ::.

~*friends are great thing created by god*~

~*thank you for being there*~

Maybe to some, he is just someone who is so insignificant in your life. To me, he is never insignificant. He is always there for me whenever I am feeling down. I m guilty for not treating him nicely, but the what makes me admire him is the fact that he don't mind what I have done to him. He is still there for me all the time.

Maybe o some, he is just an idiotic guy with some weird weird ideas harbor up in his head. To me, he is a good listener. It never bother me whether he is able to give sensible advice or not, but the fact that he is willing to listen is more than enough. What makes me admire him is the fact that most of the time, he gives sensible advice, yet I am unwilling to accept.

Maybe to some, he is just a pathetic guy with little friends. He is the one who showed me that friends are something that do not matters in quantity, but quality. He,himself is already one great friend. Yet he brought 2 more great friends into my world.

This entry is dedicated to KoonHui. Thank you for everything. It is only recently that I realize how fun life can be with your gang.

Thank you for the 3 who hang out with me on the 6th May 2005. We had fun. Your let me had fun. Your let me realize that it has been quite some time since I last had fun. I don't need to act in front of your. Time spent together is just filled with plain fun and laughter. Thank you.

.::coffee bean::.

~*for dose hu know*~

wad i did tat day wasfor fun, for the fact tat i tout he was a bad guy, and abit the for the sake of kh. aniway... tings settled... i dun wan to disturb his studies...

ok... i apologised, cox after toking tings out,i sumhow tink tat continuing oso no point... gt another prob on hand... want it to be an happi ending for the rest... i tink oli veri few ppl know wad i m toking abt... hee =\

aniway, apologies again... another reason why i choose to do tat to u is becox i know u wun turn to tchers... but cum to tink of it, abit the bad for mi to bully him aft toking sumtings out.. cox he is a good friend to her... and he having exams le... abit the bitch to 'bully' him now

.::orite for now::.

~*leg first*~

c chi doc... lidddat lor... haix go back next friday... again... take bitter medicine... so far like tat lah...

~*thank you for the fun*~

~*sorii for going too far*~

lol... mit up wif koonhui, liying and er aft seeing doc... abit sian sian in my heart becox he not free to go wif mi... but nvm... see doc le went to mit the 3some... so long didnt hang out wif dem le...

den crap until 10 plus... when i haf to leave, suddenly realise gt alot of topic to say...den dunno how... sumhow haf to go home and jiao dai... den er went home to call sumone... den i went off... den mi suggest go my hse dere tok... at least i can be dere... sorri den i cos the whole gang to shift...

half way thru the park, ly say wan to go my house toilet... so she went my hse... kh suggested going to my hse tok.. den he waited for er... when dey reach my hse, the atmosphere became guai guai one... so i say go downstairs...

downstaris tok... den kh kick his slippers at er... lol... den we started our gaming.... sorries... bad mi... lol... =x

take kh slippers bottle and bag...but goodus decide to gif him back his bag... so end up we haf his bottle and slippers... bottle water used to splash him... den slippers... i suggested bringing acrooss the street to the park opp... den kh haf one slipper back.. the oher floating in the pond... den er make kh choose btw slipper and bottle... denkh fed up walk off... barefooted... lol... we 3 dunno wad to do... debating whether he will cum back...in the end he didnt...

finalli decide to call him back so tat we can cont to play... =/ evil mi... lol... den when he is on his way back, we hide his slippers and bottle ard cars in the carpark... den kh came back and he started searching... hehe... when he found everyting, he cont walk hm.. dun want to tok to us... sobx sonx... but we say he um chio, he realli un chio... haha...

den we decide follow him... den came to the playground near 208... den decide to forsake him and play swing instead... lol... so started playing wif swing... now muscle abit guai guai...lol... den late le, er sent ly home and i walked home...

i realised iz been long since i last played... iz like other times when i hang out wif others, i suumtime haf to put on an act and be fake.. today dunit... ix super fun...

we sound bad bullying kh, but i just hope he willl learn to defend himself...lol... still gt more training to cum along...

~*there is lesser and lesser sms*~

~*lesser and lesser from him*~

i know iz oli a crush... cox i cant like him...

~*bye bye sbss*~

sbss is gone... but sb is still ss... lol... decide to disband it cox we sian liao and i tink sb dun like it... so haix dun play le... lol... sorries

.::finalli he replied sumting::.

~* why am i waiting for his sms? *~

actualli, i know i shd not be waiting for his sms cox dere are alot of reasons to it... but sumhow i m waiting... aniway, he replied today... the msg was long... but tokin abt the same old stuff... haix... at least better dan nuting... just asking more from him dan i ask from friend... iz not good.. i know iz not... but... life is full of buts

piaing homework... suddenlty becum veri guai... haix dis weekend cant go ipoh!!! haix nvm... sms.... hehe...

dese few days, free jiu help auntie bring my god bro... i know auntie veri busy...

auntie daughter just gave birth.. the new born is less dan a month old... ut guess wad he can do? iz super damn amazing... lol

1111111111

a new born... yet he can sort of listen to wad ppl say... iz like when pplcriticise him or said sumting not veri pleasing, he will start crying... when he is crying, my auntie will 'ask' him wad happened and he will stop... and when he here new noise, eg, mi coughing, he will look ard... mayb ur tink just coincident..,. but ix like not just once... lol... **cute**

2222222222

a new born, shd not hafe the ability to control muscles... but when he was brought back, and when my auntie tried to bathe him, he just push himself up to standing position... of course still wif my auntie holding on to him,... he will contract his muscles so tightly tat u find it hard to make him sit back.,.. but his temper not veri good ah... but nvm... **cute**

3333333333

new born cant see tings yet... dey can see faint light source... dis little cutie here act as though he can see many tings... he will keep looking ard wif his big eyes... his eyeball hor, the black parts are more dan the white part... damn,,, i dunno wads the scientific name for dose two parts le... forget le... nvm... he still veri cute... **cute**

izzen him cutE? i wan his foto up here sumday... haha...

tml buying bio text... super expensive... ok... actualli tatx the normal price for a txt in jc... campbell...53 buckx

the doc say my x ray report dis time round okies... normal... gave mi medicine for stopping pain... the mefenamic acid wich stop pain will cause gastric... so i m given antacid tablets too... den she gave mi cream for applications... and vitamin B complex tablets for supplement ofmy nerves.. cox a small part next t my injury is still numb... numb as in could not feel aniting... scare.... veri scare... now i dun even know wads wrong...

she excused mi from pe for 1 more week... haix... how? i want 30 for napfa... lol... i dun care...

go slp le... lol... oways blogging at nites... next morning see mi slping in lect... but gt improvement le... i didnt slp during lect today!!! tml oso wun slp... lol... but suck sia.,.. tml gt PW!!! !@#$%^&* my PW teacher suck lahx.x... damn kao pei... wadever... still have to face her... let her goahead.. since the whole class is against her... muahahahahahahahaha...

ppl... remember... I M EVIL... lol.... muahahahahahha...

[ -_-''' ] tatx mi... and... [ -_-* ] mian bao for going havoc wif mi... thankx... lol

.::nuting is wrong, but that does not mean everyting is rite::.

~*let mi go into depression*~

~*at least i let tings out*~

~*i m ok after that*~

~* [[ = *~

i m depressed the past few days... but i m ok now.. hehe... sori ahx... but hor... life is quite sian wifout dance ah... hehe... bear wif it... ppl out dere... u will haf enuff to make u tired out aft dis long break... cultural pot cuming ah... haha...

for dose hu dunno hor... rehearsal is on the 18/16 may... i not sure wich day lah... bt both days are so near... haha... **good luck** huh...

~*rock on NHDS*~

~* [[ = *~

.::brotherhood... take it away if u realli want::.

~*i lost my right to choose*~

~*since the time i choose to be wif dem*~

i m tired abt everyting...sumhow i m... i just came to realise tat i no longer haf a choice in whether to continue helping the sec3boys or not... cox i noe, no matter wad choice i made, the outcome will still be the same...

i didnt do much for dem, except for playing along wif dem... i m 'complained' by all lot of ppl for being biased... wich i wun deny... i M biased... but no matter how much complain i heard, i never care... cox i believe in wad i m doing...

but sumtime i start to tink whether everyting is worthot or not... den i can oli accept the sad reality...

the reality is... to continue helping dem... keep hoping and hoping... becox i dun haf a choice...

i wun haf the heart to let go... that is one ting for sure...

and wadever tat i do, i must tink of a whole lot of consequences... in front of different ppl say different type of story...

and wadever trouble or other stupid ting tat dey do, the next ting tat i can do, is to help dem settle it... i dun haf a choice...

iz tiring to say diff story, but i still haf to continue.. its tiring to pick up the mess... but i dun haf choice...

i nv put in so much... i m just like a mother... tat is wad i feel... sumtime... watching dem grow... hoping the best for dem...

i m selfish... selfish to haf the tout... i know sum mayb joking, but sumhow i just feel tat sumone or sum ppl in the grp realli mean wad dey say... kick mi out of the group...

if dey realli do that, i can onli smilllingly return the brotherhood shark teeth to dem... do i haf a choice? i dun haf... cox i know even if dey choose to take the shark teeth away, i will still do wad dey say... i can oli accept it... i will oli b sad, but i will not gif up on dem or do aniting bad to dem... cox i know i wun haf the heart...

~*i can oli say*~

~*i just hope the best for dem*~

.::why?::.

~*i dunno wad lah*~

~*i m tinking too much =x*~

~*bitchy mi =x*~

went out wif him [[1]] tat day...hah... fun lah... iz like normal friend... haha... happi le lor... at least i know i m happier like tat... haha... more relaxed... he is a grea friend...

ok... recently i tink i m getting too involved... i noe tat i cannot go on liddat... i m controlling le huh... i tink he [[2]] oso making tings clear... but sumhow iz like a bit the guai... sumting he do and the waty he trying to make tings clear contradict...

i noe wad i m doing... haha... go pia homework le...

~*why do i always go for the impossible?*~

~*if i sink in again..*~

~*iz another impossible case*~

~*haha... zai zai is gone*~

.::wwad can i do?::.

~*i can oli complain*~

to tink of it... wad can i do abt the whole matter except letting everyting end here... wif the different tinking of others?

i cant clarify... even if i clarify, u noe... iz still one sided... on my part, defencing myself...

i just hope tat dose hu dunno a single tiny little bit of ting abt wad realli happened to shut the f**k up... not tat i heard aniting recenly... but sumhow... dis ting just hang dere... feeling uneasi...

mouth on other ppl face... dey want to spread, no one will noe... i noe ur trusted mi... but the others dun... wad can i say?

sorri for keep complaining... although i know complain wun help.,.. but i still do... haix... at least let mi vent my anger k?

~*ya... rainbow oways cum aft a rain*~

~*if ot why izzit called a RAINbow?*~

.::i tout i waas orite::.

~*i tout i was orite*~

~*until i realise tat first impression counts*~

i tout everyting was over... until i realise tat SO mani ppl in nhss whom i dun realli know, dun like mi...

they are so close to XXX... the oli reason tat i can tout of is still tat ting... sorii... i know u trust mi, bt others dun...

to tell the truth, i tink up to dis point, ur actualli still believe tat i was the one hu... u cant possibly go and tell a person hu is on the verge of commiting suicide and sum1 hu is damn sad tat: U R THE ONE!!!iz normal to say sumting nice to let tat person feel better... if u insist tat the person is at fault, ppl will cum aft u, saying u 没有人情味... get my point?

mayb ur r just saying sumting against wad u r tinking... haix...

i dunno how to defend myself le... i can oli accept dis? but i cant... so wad can i do? no one can help mi...

i shd not be too involved rite from the start... i should not even be their friend... if i was not, den i wun get to know tat matter and nuting will happen... m i rite?

iz just another caase of my stupidity... so hu else can i blame? except myself...

so now... accept dis bahc....

sad case rite? haix.. i m the worst friend of all.. i never know wad to say and wad not to say... so dun tell mi aniting at all from now on wards... u noe.. hu knows when i will expose everiting rite? sad case huh...

i once tout that everyting is over...until now... i heard tings tat make mi feel tat way...ok sumone out dere is sure tinking tat...

dis stuppid girl, saying stupid tings again... she must be so damn seeking for attention... wah lao... hum... oli dare to say online... aiya... se throwing stupid tantrums again... dun care lah

expected... tats wad i can say...

~*i haf no choice in dis situation*~

~*the onli choice tat i can make has passed mi*~

~*i choose the wrong path*~

~*i choose to pick up the fone to listen to wad dey haf to say*~